November 5, 2000

Happy Stockwell Day!

November 5, 2000

That sounds like a good idea for a holiday, doesn't it?

If it means that we'd have to elect Stockwell Day's rehashed Reform party, then I'd sooner give up Easter and Christmas!

The federal election is just around the corner, and the more things change in Canadian politics, the more they stay the same. I'm sure that everyone is more than happy to be rid of the bible-thumping Baptist minister with the Mickey Mouse voice, but the new face of the "alternative right", or whatever you wish to call it, isn't much different from the old face.

Case in point: Christian television program "100 Huntley Street" features Stockwell Day after the show's hosts take pity on Mr. Day for being ridiculed for being a Christian. As a result, the hosts invite him on the show to use Christian TV as a platform to spew his pulpit-pounding, "pro-life" propaganda.

Another: both www.stockwellday.com, www.bornagainpolitician.com, and www.biblethumper.com point to www.canadianalliance.ca, the Alliance Party's official website. Mind you, someone beat Mr. Day to the punch and registered www.stockwelldaysucks.com, but sadly enough, hasn't done anything with it as the election approaches. Not even an e-mail address exists on the site to offer to help such a good cause.

In this picture, taken at the leaders' debate, Stockwell Day appears as though he is getting desperate. His neck is stretched out like a chicken's, on its way to the chopping block. Sometime between the French and English debates is around the point where he tried to maintain the good, wholesome Christian image of one who would not hurl stones at his opponents, but found that personal attacks were much more fun! Stockwell indicated how fun these personal attacks were by continuing them in press conferences even after both the French and English debates were completed.

Of course, such niceties weren't a staple of the new and improved Stockwell Day until after the French language debate, that being the one he needed to adhere to a script on, as his French is only somewhat better than his Disney-squeaking predecessor.

All he needs now is a "subliminal scandal" to heat things up even further!

The Paperless One urges you to get out and vote...now when is that election? Although the Paperless One wishes that he (and you) could vote for a party that you believed in, he surrenders that there is no such party, and that the next best thing would be a strategic vote to keep the inbred hillbilly party with a new name and face OUT OF POLITICS, and send him back to the farm to chop wood where he belongs.

It is my goal to have one of those red books on the back of every toilet in Canada! Don't get us wrong - we're all for Stockwell Day...as a paid holiday, possibly within February or April, but as a Prime Minister, we'll stick to the guy who makes French accents fun to do!

Really, J.C. doesn't actually say very much - I heard a sound byte the other day that would have sounded ridiculous in anyone else's voice, but somehow, Mr. Chretien made it sound almost poetic:

"Health care...because you are sick...not because...you are rich!"

This is similar to the wise old Japanese guy talking slowly and addressing you as "Grasshopper". It works...but you need an accent! Sorry, Stockwell - you need a gimmick. Maybe if you had more of a drawl and wore a ten-gallon hat...