Who
Half Man Half Biscuit
Who
The Crapsons
Where
Coventry HMV Empire
When
12th April 2024
Price
£22.40
Who with
No-one
Position
Towards the front
Comments
Super Furry Animals have never been overtaken as my most seen band ever, apart from a couple of hours in 1997 at my first ever concert where I'd only seen Urusei Yatsura and SFA had not yet taken to the stage. So this is quite a monumental moment, as Half Man Half Biscuit finally claim this throne and I watch them for the 20th time, overtaking my 19th viewing of SFA back in 2016. It's not something I ever planned, but HMHB just keep going on and their eerie consistency and determination to make every show a standalone experience with an unpredictable setlist means I keep going back for more. I'd also never seen a gig in Coventry before, nor have I stayed overnight here since a distant New Year, which most likely was 2003/2004 or 2004/2005. Half Man Half Biscuit seem to have left behind their ongoing residency at the Robin 2 in Bilston and are now rotating Midlands venues, but this was larger than their shows at Birmingham Institute or Wolves Wulfrun, and I'm a little surprised to read that they'd played Coventry back in 2017 too. Although this was my 20th viewing, my only regret is not seeing HMHB even more, and perhaps the Robin 2 had represented a bit of a rut that demotivated me from travelling further afield to see the guys. I'd heard the two latest albums - No-One Cares About Your Creative Hub So Get Your Fuckin' Hedge Cut and The Voltarol Years - a couple of times but didn't go out of my way to relisten, and I booked a hotel in Coventry and had ambitious plans for the Saturday following the show. I then cut these plans down, before figuring that I should make the most of the opportunity and forcing myself to stick around a bit. The weather was good and the chance to drive there and explore a bit more and also visit the cinema seemed too good to miss.

I didn't bother asking anyone else along, and the chance to revisit the Coventry Taco Bell as well as not be at the mercy of the trains made driving a smart choice. I packed some things during my lunch break before cheekily leaving at 5pm, which I think is actually my Friday finish time but everyone seems to have forgotten that fact at some point. My car even claimed it was 20 degrees outside and it was a lovely day for April, and even the M6 was as clear as I could possibly have hoped for on a Friday evening. The Taco Bell was inconveniently located far outside the city centre and last time I tried to go I'd been royally shafted as they could only accept cash payments and I went to Tesco which refused to give cashback despite their one and only cash machine being out of service. I was similarly disappointed by the same Tesco today as my failed quest for the glorious Brazilian soft drink Guarana Antarctica continued, and I am starting to think that the "we stock this at Tesco" is just a great big lie. Speaking of Brazilian I had wondered about visiting the churrascaria restaurant, but my arrival time was uncertain, I didn't have enough time and also being bloated and full of a dozen different types of meat was a deeply unwise move for before a concert. Also The Lazy Monkey Indian pub was pretty awesome last time I visited, but I rejected this also by the same logic. Thankfully this time Taco Bell didn't let me down, and I got to cross it off my list and enjoy a large and satisfying meal with a minimum of time invested. I then drove on towards the hotel, surviving the murderously insane traffic merges on the Coventry ring road as well as struggling to find the car park of my hotel. But I parked up and it was a bargain £5 for 24 hours, although they'd switched from being a pay on departure to a pay on arrival car park and gave conflicting instructions about if you need to pay and display or not. Luckily I was on the ball, but it was clear that they had a sideline in entrapment to dishonestly supplement their revenue.

It was card only rather than the advertised cash only too, but that suited me perfectly. I then checked into the Earlsdon Park Premier Inn, which was an outstanding choice it must be said. As well as the cheap parking and city centre location, it was in a converted heritage building that I'd wanted to visit for a while. The lobby and central staircase were impressive, and despite Premier Inn's attempts to make their rooms as generic as possible, they were large and comfortable and I was delighted with my choice. I changed from my Scooby Doo t-shirt (which I had presumed lost as I hadn't stumbled across it for a while) to my Some Call It Godcore HMHB top, which seems to be my go to concert ware and a logical choice given I'd worn it at my first HMHB concert at Manchester in 2001 after purchasing it there. Although not particularly pressed for time I was a little impatient to head out and I enjoyed the orderly approach into Coventry, past the deserted former IKEA building and through the shopping arcade to the venue. Doors had opened at 7pm and I was outside by 7.45pm. Security was efficient and pleasantly relaxed, but the slightly unnecessary escalators up into the venue were broken down. I'd peeked into the venue once before a few years ago and had been intrigued by what I'd seen, and that in turn probably bolstered my desire to revisit. I took a right turn into the bar and ordered a Camden Pale Ale, which dribbled and fizzed its way out of the pump and it's something of a miracle that I ended up with a genuinely lovely pint after several botched attempts at pouring it. The bar queue was short and there were plenty of other Half Man Half Biscuit t-shirts on display. Speaking of which I checked out the merch store at the back and a yellow variety of a spray can design caught my eye. I decided to leave it be and come back for it after the show rather than carry it round or put on a second layer, and that worked very nicely. The HMV Empire was a large room and it seemed pretty busy, but we had space to move around and it's quite difficult to tell if it was nearly a sell-out or not.

I wandered around a bit and checked out the balcony, which had a deserted bar and DJ behind it that no-one seemed interested in. It always amuses me that DJs repel people, and so it should be when the music isn't the point of the event. I went into the main room and easily secured a position towards the left and not too far back. The HMV Empire black and white backdrop was on the stage throughout, and The Libertines had played here just one week beforehand. I doubt that would have been very pleasant as their Hyde Park show had demonstrated that they have something of a twattish element to their fanbase, and they also sport shit arms and bad tattoos, although I'm sure I've heard HMHB somehow deny that Shit Arm, Bad Tattoo is about The Libertines. I mean it clearly is, right? There were two TV screens to the side of the stage but they were used solely for advertising between the acts. Also Tom Hingley was playing an acoustic Inspiral Carpets set here the following weekend, which sounded quite noteworthy. If Black Grape hadn't let me down and cancelled their gig without explanation, I'd have seen him there also. Support band The Crapsons were already onstage, consisting of three guys all in a line at the front. Two were in white t-shirts and they were energetic and amusing. They were what The Hives support band Bad Nerves should have aspired to be like, or maybe I was just in a more receptive mood? They introduced one song as Fuck Off, which Spotify won't pay them for as it is less than 30 seconds long, nor will it accept their submission of the lyrics for it as they require a minimum of 20 words. It's strange and a bit nonsensical, much as the song was as it was just a bit of a riff followed by a shout of fuck off! Next up was Fuck Off Again, which was introduced as the Terminator 2 compared to Fuck Off. It was longer and much more accomplished and generally better, so Terminator 2 was an ideal analogy for it!

One song called Spoiler Alert bemoaned people who spoil things, although the lyrics themselves spoiled a few twists such as those from The Empire Strikes Back and The Sixth Sense, which I expect was hugely annoying for any hermits who didn't already know of these story points. One tune was introduced as being a Coventry number but I didn't recognise it, and I had to move left to try and get away from an especially large head attempting to block my view. In response to heckles/banter from the crowd, the lead singer told us the names of his three cats, and also spoke of their album from two years back. It has 16 tracks but only lasts ten minutes, and they were going to play three of its tunes in a row, not that this would take them very long. They were quite amusing and captivating, and were as good as an unknown support band can be I reckon. Another song bemoaned what a twat Ian Brown has become - which is a point I certainly agree with, as it has got so bad that his behaviour is actually undermining my ability to enjoy The Stone Roses! Given they have stopped playing live and no new music is forthcoming, although a bit of a shame it does seem logical that I just move on, and I'm sure their music will captivate me again sometime in the future, right? The Crapsons thanked us and explained that they'd taken holiday from work to be here before finishing with a bow, immediately acknowledging what a pretentious thing to do that had been. They said they'd be at the back signing merch both before and after HMHB were performing, and were keen that we purchase their gear. It would be quite interesting, as I do wonder how their material would translate to a non-live environment. I feel it would probably lose some charm, but I'd be quite happy for The Crapsons to support Half Man Half Biscuit again. The crowd emptied out quite a lot and I moved forwards, as well as making some notes on my phone of the show so far and catching up on the internet. The main room DJ was doing an agreeable job, breaking out My Perfect Cousin and Jimmy Jimmy by The Undertones as well as David Watts by The Jam.

HMHB took to the stage sharp at 9pm, and their intro tape was apparently Mouldy Old Dough by Lieutenant Pigeon. It was jaunty and interesting and the band seemed happy to just let it play out even after they were all ready. The show then burst into life with Bob Wilson: Anchorman, which was not an original selection but nevertheless made for a strong start. This was followed by Irk The Purists as I shot my first video capturing the extended drum solo and take on Agadoo. I seemed to have found myself between the two largest heads in the world so was jostling to find a gap between them, but basically I had to keep bobbing about myself to ensure that I could see everything. There was some gentle moshing and the sound and picture quality on my camera was excellent, definitely a lot better than my phone can muster. This strong traditionalist start peaked with Fuckin' 'Ell It's Fred Titmus, as the crowd all knew the chant when it arrived. Nigel was wearing glasses and a red top, whereas Carl looked a little less scraggly than he had done last time around. There was a tiny skull logo on the drum kit and Nigel shouted out Liza Tarbuck in the audience, before adding that those pallets she'd wanted were in the van! Nigel said he'd walked around Coventry city centre for his first time ever and had been impressed, before singing happy birthday to a Man Utd fan in the crowd, while adding a "we hate you" to the lyrics. Later on Nigel kicked a water bottle up into the rafters, which I think was some sort of Coventry/football reference. Renfield's Afoot is fast becoming a concert mainstay, with Nigel commenting that the council did the same thing this year and clearly hadn't purchased the album and absorbed the rant about the free admission that must be pre-booked. It's a somewhat annoying quirk of modern events, but perhaps better than not managing capacities?

I shot a second video for Running Order Squabble Fest and Nigel sounded rather gruff, but strangely I just captured a bit of the verse rather than going with the more notable ambulance chant. I'm Getting Buried In The Morning is fast becoming one of my all time faves, and it's a glorious album opener. Last time Lock Up Your Mountain Bikes had been played unrehearsed but it was now back in the planned set where it belonged, with Nigel again finishing it with a reference to the piss-awful Wicker Man remake and his prediction that it wouldn't work, nor did it ever. He asked if anyone had tried watching The Wicker Man in real time on Mayday and I shot a video amid blue lights and Nigel delivering the lyrics in a delightfully chilled manner before the great guitar solo. After a few mid level classics the show hit its probable peak with a delightful take on God Gave Us Life! I've checked and I've only heard it played before in Shrewsbury way back in 2010, and that version hadn't included the classic intro. So this was certainly the highlight of the night and although I can't imagine ever debating the show being worthy of seeing, if I had had any lingering doubts they were destroyed by this spectacular moment. I shot a short video (minus the intro which caught me off guard) amid red lights to capture the first verse, and Nigel produced a list of people he disliked for the ending, a photo of which is above. He included Alan Carr on the hate list, before reverting to tradition by finishing with Lionel Blair. What a moment, and the energy was kept up with Floreat Inertia, which I always struggle to identify but quickly clocked it as a classic. The strong later period was then represented with Awkward Sean, Petty Sessions and Surging Out Of Convalescence, the latter I'd not heard live since 2015.

The ending of The Best Things In Life was another throwback to my first time watching HMHB, and it's crazy to think that I've been watching them for over half of their career and that they barely seem to have aged, despite being younger than I am now the first time I'd seen them. The classics continued with The Light At The End of the Tunnel (Is The Light Of An Oncoming Train) and I shot another video for All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit. Some Dukla Prague tops were on display and I got a pleasing video of the chilled out start, somehow keeping the freakishly large head to my left just out of the shot. This led immediately into National Shite Day and then Time Flies By (When You're The Driver Of A Train), and tonight was pretty epic for including all five of the "biggest" hits from Back In The D.H.S.S, which is not something I've ever experienced before. My video for this was pretty fast off the mark, capturing the laugh as Neil was quite slow to responding to the "let it happen bass player", leading to an amused laugh from the crowd before the song got going. It just sounded epic. Nigel pointed out that the HMV Empire used to be a cinema and that the last owner had died recently, which I suspect was just a ruse to announce that his funeral was on at 1pm, 4pm and 7pm! He also gave a Grand National tip for the next day, letting us know that Dusty Carpet was the one to watch as he'd never been beaten! I shot a shortish video of Every Time A Bell Rings as I wanted to record the chant, and at the very end Neil fluffed his final chant of "hedge cut", which was a bit of a surprise. I also correctly predicted that Tim Buckley cover Song To The Siren was only a prelude to Vatican Broadside, deciding to record it and capturing blue lights and the whole segue on tape. It was another pleasing reference to my first HMHB gig, and the nostalgia levels were certainly high tonight. I'd also improved my position and the big heads were now to my right, and Nigel did a lovely flourish on the guitar and banged it before the chorus of Broadside.

After We Built This Village On A Trad. Arr. Tune was the legendary Everything's A.O.R. I shot a pretty long video capturing red lights and I recorded up until the chorus. I'd been reading Simon Pegg's autobiography and had been irked by a line about HMHB being a short lived mid 1980s band, and find it hard to believe that such a cultured person as Simon could be unaware of their continued existence! The main set then finished brilliantly with Joy Division Oven Gloves, as I shot a blurry short video capturing people punching the air and Nigel extending his arms to enhance the tune with some actions. The band then left before quickly returning with Oblong Of Dreams, which at the fourth time of asking finally won me over as a genuinely excellent moment. I'd worked out a few years before that Half Man Half Biscuit were at the peak of their powers with their new music, but yet I still have some things to learn. The token cover version was Pretty In Pink by The Psychedelic Furs, which is a surprising one as I vaguely recognised it for once. The set then finished with The Trumpton Riots and the 10.45pm curfew had been ignored, with the set almost hitting 11pm. I shot a video of the guitar intro and build up and this moment really rocked, with moshing and flashing yellow and red lights to capture the chaos. To my delight, despite recording quite a cheeky amount of footage, I still had plenty of space on my camera for the next day. HMHB left the stage quite quickly but the crowd had been won over, and I had resolved to queue at the merch store to purchase the yellow t-shirt of my desire. I was pleasantly surprised to learn afterwards that John Robins had worn precisely the same top on Taskmaster just one week beforehand, which somehow I hadn't spotted at the time!

Fortunately the t-shirt was available in my size and I made my way for the exit and the broken escalators with it wrapped in plastic underneath my arm, spying the King Of Hi-Vis with a AAA backstage pass around his neck on the way out of the venue. Although time was getting on I was determined to use this opportunity and took some night photos of the recently unveiled Coventry Cross, before heading to The Botanist for a cheeky pint of Augustiner Helles in pretty surroundings. I wrote up some notes and realised that For What Is Chatteris... had been omitted, which as far as I'm aware has never happened to me since it was introduced to the set in 2006! At least Vatican Broadside remained present and correct, but this was a bit of a shocker and it felt like a mistake to leave it out. I headed back to my hotel room without incident and set my alarm for a sleep in, still having plenty of time for a McDonalds breakfast wrap and a wander around the delightfully quiet Herbert Gallery. The main rooms were closed for installation and I walked a long way to the Charterhouse to find it randomly closed despite conflicting information online. It perhaps is only open for events, but is infuriatingly vague for a large tourist attraction that requires a special effort to visit! I headed to Fargo Village with the intention of eating some decent food but the Dining Club was also randomly closed and the advertised CD/record fair was disappointing. I was pleased to visit the expanded Sgt. Bilko's Vintage Emporium and the curator had held high hopes that Nigel would drop in to visit. I said that it was very unlikely he'd stayed the night, but I'm sure that this place would have been right up his street. After a gluttonous meal at German Donor Kebab I ventured to the Odeon to rewatch Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire, missing the first couple of minutes, before driving back home via Caludon Castle, which was just about the only place I fully crossed off my list, but only after the frustrating teenagers sitting gormlessly in front of the castle moved out of my shot. HMHB smashed it, and although I doubt I will get to see them another 20 times, I'm certainly happy to give it a try.
Setlist
Bob Wilson: Anchorman
Irk The Purists
Fuckin' 'Ell It's Fred Titmus
Renfield's Afoot
Running Order Squabble Fest
I'm Getting Buried In The Morning
Lock Up Your Mountain Bikes
In A Suffolk Ditch
When I Look At My Baby
God Gave Us Life
Floreat Inertia
Awkward Sean
Petty Sessions
Surging Out Of Convalescence
The Best Things In Life
The Light At The End of the Tunnel (Is The Light Of An Oncoming Train)
Harsh Times In Umberstone Covert
All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit
National Shite Day
Time Flies By (When You're The Driver Of A Train)
Fix It So She Dreams Of Me
Every Time A Bell Rings
Midnight Mass Murder
Song To The Siren/Vatican Broadside
We Built This Village On A Trad. Arr. Tune
Everything's A.O.R.
Joy Division Oven Gloves
Oblong Of Dreams
Pretty In Pink
The Trumpton Riots

Mark: 8.5/10