One day I felt extremely inspired and thought of a hefty number of lists that seemed interesting and/or amusing to put together. I wrote down my thoughts and after a month or so of delay I finalised the information and put together this page. Some of them were easy to compile, others devilishly tricky. Some are partly derived from other lists, a few are entirely new. So, without further ado, I present my latest vanity project - some random lists of top ten things!
TOP TEN ROBIN HOLY QUOTES
1. Holy hole in a donut!
TOP TEN JAMES BOND THEMESProbably around a year before writing this I saw a countdown of top Bond themes on TV that made me angry. The overrated Goldfinger was number one and the awful Die Another Day was near the top spot. So to remedy this error I now present what I consider to be a factually accurate list of the best of Bond music!
1. Nobody Does It Better (The Spy Who Loved Me) (1977)
TOP TEN LIVE MUSIC MOMENTSI've always thought long and hard about writing this one. The one moment that inspired this list was the life-affirming shock of Shed Seven playing Disco Down at V99 but after analysing the competition I can't justify it being in the top ten. Also, the downright awesomeness of The Flaming Lips and SFA live shows mean that there's no room for giants such as Arcade Fire, Half Man Half Biscuit or Arctic Monkeys. Even Cast were in with a shout with their "alright Chelmsford!" introduction at V99! No pre-millennium shows quite make the cut though.
1. The Flaming Lips - Soundcheck (V2000)
TOP TEN WEBSITESRelatively easy to assemble, I just had to look through my favourites directory and pick them out. Due to the impact its had on me in a short time, Facebook takes the top spot, and I get in some shameless self-promotion by putting in this very site!
1. Facebook
1. Friday The 13th
TOP TEN XMAS TUNESI've tried to juggle the best of the classics with some more original selections, and hope I've struck the right balance, although this list will only be of interest to anyone for less than 10% of the year.
1. Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmas Time (1979)
TOP TEN MOVIE VEHICLESI started off by just considering cars, then realised I was limiting myself so tried to consider all vehicles. This list was fiendishly difficult to write, and there may be a few classics I've forgotten about entirely, but I still think I've put forward a strong selection.
1. DeLorean (Back To The Future 1985)
TOP TEN THINGS TO EATOnce I started writing this one I realised the subject wasn't as exciting as I'd hoped. However as I did arrive at a top ten I figured I may as well publish it. I've tried to avoid overlap and have been either specific or very general with my choices depending on how much of a preference I have towards something.
1. Chips
TOP TEN THINGS TO DRINKI was going to do a top ten books list, then decided that after dedicating so much effort and chin stroking to beer tasting that this list would be much more suitable. I used to be a fan of the English real ales but am now moving towards European beers, hence this list tries to balance my older tastes with the new!
1. Paulaner
TOP TEN ACTORSParticularly satisfying to write, thinking about this one really changed my perspective. I was sure that Jack Nicholson would be up there, then realised after much thought that these ten actors have all impressed me more. Arnold Schwarzenegger earns his role at the top due to his physical presence and definitive action film credentials. A few example roles are given by each person.
1. Arnold Schwarzenegger (Terminator, Total Recall)
TOP TEN SONGS I DON'T ENJOY BY BANDS I DO LIKEI try not to be negative, which I've explained elsewhere on these pages. Usually I either like music or I feel an absence of enjoyment rather than any actual hate. One day though I was listening to Head Music by Suede and when I reached the very poor She's In Fashion I had the brainwave of putting together this list. I restricted myself to one song per band and in the end it was a struggle to find ten songs I was offended by, which I feel is a positive sign that I do attempt to see the merits of everything!
1. Stereophonics - Mr Writer (2001)
THE TOP TEN ITEMS ON MY AGENDA IF I BECAME PRIME MINISTEREveryone thinks every now and again what they'd do if they ran the country (I mean Britain by the way!) Now I've taken it one step further by actually setting out my manifesto for the future, deciding it would stretch my mind and be a bit of fun to see if I can do better than the guys in Westminster. So I now present a relatively thought-provoking list of the top ten items on my agenda, uneasily mixing light hearted ideas with some deadly serious ones!
1. The Back To The Future Part II Act
TOP TEN ARTISTS I'D LIKE TO SEE LIVEThis one was pretty easy to put together. I just looked through my favourite acts, deciding that they were eligible for this list if they no longer exist as such, I've never seen them play before and they're not a spin-off or solo show from some other band I like. I've also taken an educated guess at what year I'd most like to see them play in. So, if I had a time machine, these would be my top ten musical stops!
1. The Beach Boys (1976)
ALPHABEAT - THE GREATEST ARTISTS BEGINNING WITH EACH LETTER OF THE ALPHABETI did this one for Facebook, deciding it would be interesting and very simple to compile. I then remembered that such a list fits perfectly on my website! Obviously artists with names beginning with "The" don't all count as beginning with "T", that would be unfair. Also I've been totally honest here and haven't made my choices more populist or creditable, just told it like it is!
Arcade Fire
TOP TEN CHURCHES IN THE WORLDI have no religious beliefs whatsoever but technically I'm an agnostic. Although I believe the idea of there being a God is ridiculous to the point of being laughable, denying the possibility when nobody knows for sure is just as irrational! But I do appreciate good architecture, which brings us neatly onto this list.
1. Coventry Cathedrals
TOP TEN COVER VERSIONS EVERAfter watching the Pet Shop Boys playing an astonishing live version of Always On My Mind it made me realise that this would make a good list for this page. I've said several times that it's the best cover version ever so I was surprised I couldn't justify a place for it in the top five. I also must give a special mention to No Way Sis who narrowly missed the top ten!
1. The Beatles - Twist And Shout (1963)
TOP TEN GREATEST HITS COMPILATIONSThis was another list inspired by seeing the Pet Shop Boys and their PopArt compilation encounters little competition for the top spot. I did struggle to find ten worthy choices as so many compilations load all the best tracks at the start or aren't definitive!
1. Pet Shop Boys - PopArt - The Hits (2003)
TOP TEN DEBUT ALBUMSBack in the days before buying The Stone Roses debut I didn't believe all the hype proclaiming it the greatest album ever, seeing as all the biggest songs were on The Very Best Of anyway. When I finally got it it blew my mind, and has ultimately led to this list. There is a crazy fixation with debuts but The Supernaturals are in fact the only one of my top ten bands who peaked with their first effort. Either way though, here are ten absolutely fabulous discs.
1. The Stone Roses - The Stone Roses (1989)
2. Holy human collector's item!
3. Holy contributing to the delinquency of minors!
4. Holy rising hemlines!
5. Holy shucks!
6. Holy firing squad!
7. Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods!
8. Holy crucial moment!
9. Holy split seconds!
10. Holy slipped disc!
2. Live And Let Die (1973)
3. James Bond Theme (Dr No) (1962)
4. You Only Live Twice (1967)
5. Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
6. A View To A Kill (1985)
7. Goldfinger (1964)
8. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969)
9. For Your Eyes Only (1981)
10. Goldeneye (1995)
I could never ever exaggerate how amazing this was. The only question is what moment from this show to pick out as number one. However, this was the funniest thing I have ever seen so I can't really choose any other.
2. The Flaming Lips - When I met Wayne Coyne (Birmingham 2002)
Need I say more? Wayne was a perfect gentleman who provided me with a signed poster that contained more imagination than most artists manage in their entire career.
3. Super Furry Animals - Panda Rave (Leeds 2000)
Only third place? I can't quite believe it myself, but it just goes to show how many amazing things I've seen over the years. Still, the sight of those animals with fists defiantly in the air will never leave me.
4. Sir Paul McCartney - Everything (Liverpool 2008)
I'd always dreamed of seeing Macca in action and he didn't disappoint. In some ways this was the greatest show ever. Great support from Kaiser Chiefs and The Zutons was followed by a storming set from Macca. It may have been a stadium but a smaller space couldn't have done it justice. If I had to pick out one moment, I'd probably choose Band On The Run, but C Moon, Live And Let Die and Yesterday also deserve a special mention.
5. The Flaming Lips - Wayne surfs the crowd in his giant inflatable balloon (Manchester 2006)
I've seen him do it more than once, but seeing it actually happen for the first time was particularly special. This would be a contender for the top spot if I hadn't heard about this stunt a full year or so in advance. Could anybody witness this and not be impressed? I doubt it.
6. Half Man Half Biscuit - Dean Friedman guest appearance (Bilston 2010)
Of all the potential guest stars that HMHB could bring onstage, Dean Friedman was the most unbelievable! Firstly Dean played Tale Of A Baker's Son, his response song where he advised that Nigel was in fact the son of a baker and therefore was half a man and half a biscuit. He then jammed along with the band for a storming rendition of The Bastard Son Of Dean Friedman, a song which I'd waited nine long years to hear live and I never could have dreamt I'd hear it in such an incredible fashion! It also was an astonishing end to a story that started 24 years ago when the band released the song in the first place.
7. Blur - The amazing comeback (London 2009)
Blur playing Hyde Park was a genuine contender for greatest live moment in English musical history, truly cementing their reputation as an all-time great band. Everyone went away singing Tender, but the sheer volume of hits and energy was the highlight, or possibly Country House!
8. The Soundtrack Of Our Lives - Rain during Infra Riot (Leeds 2002)
A top non-Flaming Lips moment, fighting off some fierce competition. Excitement at festivals usually builds throughout the day, so you know you've seen something magnificent when the best moment of the festival happens before lunchtime. An awesome song coupled with the hilarity of getting more soaked than I'd ever done in my life. Amazing.
9. Bentley Rhythm Ace - Theme From Gutbuster (V2000)
Despite being in just about the worst physical state of my life, I danced like I'd never danced before or since, and still have no idea if they played Theme From Gutbuster for a whole hour, or if that was simply what I was imagining. Stuff like this shouldn't happen with no drugs and such mild amounts of alcohol.
10. Super Furry Animals - Golf Buggy A-Team entrance (Manchester 2005)
It was so perfectly done, yet with an air of spontaneity. A euphoric mix of The A-Team and Rocky themes pumped us up then SFA appeared stage-right on their golf buggy. Genius - the video screen and glowing suits made it even more so. This was also done in Liverpool, although the buggy had since broken down.
2. Yahoo Mail
3. Out Of Focus Ideology
4. BBC News
5. PopEx (sadly defunct)
6. Limewire
7. NME
8. YouTube
9. Wikipedia
10. Uncyclopedia
TOP TEN HORROR FRANCHISESI've been itching to find a place for this list for a while. I count a franchise to be three movies or more, and am ignoring all remakes. And Scary Movie is exempt as it's a spoof series!
2. Evil Dead
3. The Living Dead series
4. Re-Animator
5. Halloween
6. A Nightmare On Elm Street
7. Return Of The Living Dead
8. Psycho
9. Hellraiser
10. Final Destination
2. Slade - Merry Xmas Everybody (1973)
3. Grandaddy - Alan Parsons In A Winter Wonderland (2000)
4. Wizzard - I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday (1973)
5. The Beach Boys - Frosty The Snowman (1964)
6. The Dandy Warhols - Little Drummer Boy (1995)
7. The Pogues With Kirsty MacColl - Fairy Tale Of New York (1987)
8. The Beach Boys - Little Saint Nick (1964)
9. South Park - Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo (1997)
10. John Lennon - Happy Xmas (War Is Over) (1971)
2. Lotus Esprit (The Spy Who Loved Me 1977)
3. USS Enterprise NCC-1701 (Star Trek – The Motion Picture 1979)
4. Imperial Walker (Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back 1980)
5. RMS Titanic (Titanic 1997)
6. Ectomobile (Ghostbusters 1984)
7. Pod Racer (Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace 1999)
8. Tour Car (Jurassic Park 1993)
9. Johnny Cab (Total Recall 1990)
10. The Batmobile (Batman: The Movie 1966)
2. Sponge cake
3. Mixed Grill
4. Butterscotch ice cream
5. Cadbury's Creme Egg
6. Nachos
7. Sausage rolls
8. Plaice
9. Crunch corner Muller yogurt
10. Cheese and biscuits
2. Erdinger Weissbier
3. Budweiser Budvar
4. Hoegaarden (with lime)
5. Leffe
6. Guinness
7. Bishop's Finger
8. Red Square
9. Brain Haemorrhage
10. Jägermeister
2. Adam West (Batman, Family Guy)
3. Matthew Fox (Lost)
4. Charlie Sheen (Scary Movie 3, Two And A Half Men, Hot Shots!)
5. Bruce Campbell (Evil Dead)
6. Rik Mayall (Bottom, The Young Ones)
7. Roger Moore (James Bond)
8. Leslie Nielsen (Naked Gun, Scary Movie 3, Superhero Movie)
9. Adrian Edmondson (Bottom, The Young Ones)
10. Jeffrey Combs (Re-Animator)
The moment when a band I really liked exposed themselves as boring and whiny. NME had turned on them long before and without reason, and I had a horrible feeling that they were about to jump the shark. Ironically they chose to release this awful song as a way of hitting back at journalists who didn't like them! So terrible I couldn't bear to listen to them for years afterwards.
2. The Beach Boys - Student Demonstration Time (1971)
The Beach Boys are the second greatest band of all time, which is incredible when they are fronted by such a despised figure - Mike Love! The man just irritates the hell out of many fans, and is often held to blame for trying to stop Brian's more creative and exciting urges. This "song" is basically a giant turd desecrating the otherwise lovely Surf's Up L.P. Mike Love at his most annoying.
3. Arcade Fire - My Body Is A Cage (2007)
A hopelessly overblown moment, and a terrifying glimpse at a mediocre stadium rock future for the otherwise wonderful Arcade Fire. I've never had the misfortune to hear them play this one live.
4. The Supernaturals - Glimpse Of The Light (1997)
In any other context it wouldn't bother me, but this song just takes so much pace off the stunning It Doesn't Matter Anymore L.P. The vocal harmonies grate and sandwiched between Smile and Lazy Lover - two proper classics - it is out of place and almost impossible to enjoy.
5. Super Furry Animals - Run! Christian, Run! (2001)
No doubt my most controversial choice, especially considering this is an SFA fan site, but this song goes on forever and I'm tired of being told how great it is. It has now finally been dropped from the live set but really got to me for so often taking the pace out of an SFA show and wasting time that could had been spent on three or four bursts of glorious pop. Perhaps I wasn't the only one to groan loudly whenever they started to play it, and that's why it's no more!
6. Travis - I Love You Anyways (1997)
Cheesy and cringe inducing, the worst moment on Good Feeling could have been forgiven if it was an isolated duffer. The fact it has set the template for so many quiet and boring Travis songs since earns it a place on this list. Early Travis were as good as straightforward indie gets so why they became obsessed with mid-tempo numbers and ballads I'll never know, and how it led to such success is an even greater mystery.
7. Love - The Revelation (1967)
The 19-minute finale of the Da Capo album, I just cannot abide such aimless self-indulgence! This jam doesn't go anywhere and has next to no merit. Da Capo could have been better than Forever Changes if it was a full-length album. Instead it has only six tracks, albeit great ones, then this. I know they were probably stoned, but this is sheer laziness!
8. Suede - She's In Fashion (1999)
I remember seeing Suede live in 2002 and it suddenly struck me what a waste of space this song is. Lyrically it showcases Brett at his worst, it's cheesy and boring and no doubt is largely responsible for this myth that Suede started great then only went downhill. It is Coming Up that is their finest moment!
9. The Flaming Lips - Chewin The Apple Of Your Eye (1993)
Transmissions From The Satellite Heart could have been a perfect album if its momentum wasn't destroyed so abruptly after the first two tracks. Oh My Pregnant Head (Labia In The Sunlight) deserves plaudits for its title and is nice enough in leading to She Don't Use Jelly. But sandwiching Jelly between two quiet tracks meant that for many years I couldn't bear to hear this song, as it destroyed the pace of the L.P. so badly I just wanted to go back and hear the start of the album again, rather than venturing forwards and hearing its other pleasures.
10. Manic Street Preachers - Everything Must Go (1996)
Maybe I've just heard it too much, but I never enjoy listening to this. It's loud and grating and doesn't measure up with the three other great singles from the album.
I have often stated my desire to instigate an act to ensure that by the year 2015 all our efforts have gone into developing flying cars and hoverboards amongst other things and ensuring that the vision of Back To The Future Part II becomes reality. For one thing that world looks a cool place to live in, and for another I can't bear the thought of one of the greatest movies ever becoming redundant in my lifetime. It would give us all something worthwhile to aspire towards, but I think my sanity will quickly be called into question in this cynical world if I were to actually enact this rule!
2. Harsher punishments to strengthen law and order
Prison places are full? Then build more! Double or even triple the capacity! We need deterrents that are sorely lacking. The death penalty should be reintroduced for particularly heartless crimes such as repeat perpetrators of violent or destructive burglaries. If there is the slightest doubt about guilt then the death penalty should be commuted to prison for life. Prisons should be transformed into places where rehabilitation and self-improvement actually does take place, by being closely monitored to keep out drugs and making sure no intimidation between prisoners takes place. Police officers should be moral, well trained and out on the streets in force to catch criminals - not behind their desks ticking boxes!
3. Workplace reforms
I'd set the minimum wage very high - £11 an hour seems sensible. If any employers don't like it, then either they should start paying the fat cats less, or question if the job is worth doing in the first place. Everyone should be enrolled into automatic pension schemes to plan for the future, and I'd like to see an end to judgement by job interviews. Everybody should be given a chance to impress through a trial period so they can be judged by what they can do, not by their ability to make a superfluous first impression! I'd also enact a maximum working weeks of 35 hours, flexible hours, encouragement of training and, thanks to my education reforms below, the increase in worker skill and motivation should offset the negatives and bring an end to our culture that working longer is the same thing as working harder.
4. A proper recycling program
The environment issue needs to be tackled properly. Packaging should be reduced to a minimum and be reusable where possible. With no excess shiny wrapping or logos, it should help people to purchase items based on what they need, not based on temptation. I'd set up national recycling centres where you can take EVERYTHING to be sold, sorted out and reused where possible. You can take unwanted CDs there for example, sell them off, and then the recycling centre can make profit by selling it on. The vast majority of things that end up in the bin are because they're unnecessary packaging or because there's no easy one-stop place to get rid of them to. My idea would resolve this issue.
5. Simplification of taxation
Why should we pay income tax and then be taxed again endlessly? So much time and money must be wasted on the sheer complexity of endless rules. So I'd massively raise income tax, then abolish all forms of tax that there is no proven need for. So council tax would go, and VAT. Items like cigarettes, bad music and private use petrol would be taxed to limit usage by raising their price. Nobody needs fags or boy bands and due to my public transport pledge below there will be an alternative to car use! Evading income tax would be deemed a major crime to ensure compliance.
6. Free public transport for all
A bold choice but just imagine. We'd pay all that income tax but then wouldn't have to waste it on stuff like getting from A to B. Huge efforts should be taken to improve the transport infrastructure - especially rail - and then roads would almost become redundant, paving the way for heavily taxed flying cars to take their place. People wouldn't have a need to fly and pay all that extra tax, they'd do it because it rocks!
7. Better education
Education should be relevant to the workplace, for example lots of paid work placements. Kids should be banned from taking part time jobs until they leave education, to ensure their efforts are concentrated on learning, whether in a classroom or in an educational workplace. Due to my harsh law and order encouraging kids to stay on the straight and narrow and a higher quality of relevant education, the boost to the economy should cancel out the costs. Foreign languages should be taught at an earlier age so you actually stand a chance of becoming fluent in another tongue. It should be taught that religion is a ridiculous concept that leads to war and conflict so that people learn to be good because they believe they should be, not because they are afraid of eternal punishment in some afterlife! University should be discouraged unless you have a need for specialised knowledge. In its place would be a three-year period of communal living but, instead of studying for a useless qualification, you'd spend time working. That way you'd get the fun, more money and the social skills but without the often meaningless academic qualification.
8. Cutting back on defence budget
Places like Afghanistan and Iraq just don't want or appreciate our help, so why bother trying to spread democracy? Leaving them be unless they try to attack us or ask for help would cost less money and will save us from the thankless task of trying to install proper systems of government for them. Little do they grasp that the only reason we are still there is because they are rebelling against us and destabilising their own countries!
9. Controlled immigration
Immigrants should only be allowed into the country if they have useful job skills and are committed to becoming an integrated part of the country. Learning English will be a huge priority, with a six-month learning period in place upon arrival. To wipe the slate clean, an amnesty to be declared on all previous immigrants. If any of them were up to no good my law and order policies will catch them out. Zero tolerance and immediate deportation or prison for future illegal immigrants.
10. Encouragement of culture - Music in particular
Legalisation of free downloading. New music to be supported through government grants to record labels upon signing a new band. A media campaign to ridicule terrible music, be it boy bands or singer songwriters, to be introduced, and also an aforementioned tax on bad music. Encouraging people to get into good music has the unfortunate side effect of gigs and festivals selling out insanely fast. This can be countered by knowledge tests under controlled conditions for in-demand shows, so proper fans earn their right to tickets by proving they know the songs and hence will appreciate the show more. All anti-competitive practices such as regionalised DVD players and copy protected music files to be banned. The ultimate goal is to be able to channel everything, be it films, music or computer games, through one system, so you won't have to buy specialised hardware such as Playstations or VHS players.
2. The Beatles (1965)
3. Michael Jackson (1992)
4. Nirvana (1992)
5. Queen (1985)
6. The Ramones (1978)
7. James Brown (1985)
8. T-Rex (1972)
9. Slade (1973)
10. The Kinks (1973)
The Beach Boys
The Clint Boon Experience!
Dennis Wilson
Euros Childs
The Flaming Lips
Gorky's Zygotic Mynci
Half Man Half Biscuit
Ian Brown
James Brown
Kaiser Chiefs
Love
Manic Street Preachers
Neon Neon
Oasis
Primal Scream
Queen
The Ramones
Super Furry Animals
They Might Be Giants
The Undertones
The Verve
Will Smith
XTC
The Young Knives
The Zutons
2. Church Of The Savior On Spilled Blood, Saint Petersburg
3. Duomo, Milan
4. Notre-Dame De Montréal Basilica
5. Saint Joseph's Oratory, Montréal
6. York Minster
7. Worcester Cathedral
8. Lichfield Cathedral
9. Florence Cathedral
10. Akureyrarkirkja, Akureyri
2. The Beach Boys - You Are So Beautiful (1975)
3. Status Quo - Rockin' All Over The World (1977)
4. Half Man Half Biscuit - Vatican Broadside (2001)
5. The Beach Boys - Sloop John B (1966)
6. Half Man Half Biscuit - Paintball's Coming Home (1997)
7. The Beach Boys - Barbara Ann (1965)
8. Pet Shop Boys - Always On My Mind (1987)
9. The Ramones - Needles & Pins (1978)
10. Grandaddy - Alan Parsons In A Winter Wonderland (2000)
2. The Beatles - 1 (2000)
3. Queen - Greatest Hits I (1981)
4. The Stone Roses - The Very Best Of The Stone Roses (2002)
5. The Bluetones - Singles (2002)
6. Status Quo - Pictures - 40 Years Of Hits (2008)
7. Madness - Divine Madness (1992)
8. Ffa Coffi Pawb - Am Byth (2004)
9. Supergrass - Supergrass Is 10 - The Best Of 94-04 (2004)
10. Blur - Midlife - A Beginner's Guide To Blur (2009)
2. The Supernaturals - It Doesn't Matter Anymore (1997)
3. Travis - Good Feeling (1997)
4. Super Furry Animals - Fuzzy Logic (1996)
5. Arcade Fire - Funeral (2004)
6. Dennis Wilson - Pacific Ocean Blue (1977)
7. Manic Street Preachers - Generation Terrorists (1992)
8. Neon Neon - Stainless Style (2008)
9. Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not (2006)
10. Half Man Half Biscuit - Back In The D.H.S.S. (1985)
