On August 13th, 2000 someone sent me Truckers Last
Letter.
I usually read stuff like that and cry, but
that night my precious husband broke down and
cried. He never cried over stuff like that. I told
him he didn't have to worry about us not knowing he
loved us he showed us love all the time and told me
all the time. We clung to each other while we
cried. Little did I know.
On August 14th he gave me an especially long hug and
kiss, just a little tigher than usual...I said "My
what a special hug" as I looked into his loving
eyes. We said our morning goodbyes as I headed off
for work and made plans to see each other later that
morning. He was going to meet me at the doctors
office for some results of some tests I had had run.
I told him if he got busy that it would be ok I
understood and I would see him at lunch. I never
saw him again.
Our son had started worrying about him not showing
up by 9:30 to pick him up for work. My husband was
a builder and our son worked for him. He had told
our son he would pick him up that morning they had
some running around to do. I assumed he had gotten
tied up with a customer and would be along shortly.
At 11 am he was to meet me at the doctors office, he
didn't show. I didn't see his truck in the driveway
as I rounded the turn to come home for lunch. I
began to worry, this was just not like him at all.
I called our son and he had already called the
hospitals and the police. I started searching the
house. His desk was tidy and he had made out 2
statements for customers...that was usually my job.
I was on the phone with my son and he told he to
check to see if anything was missing. I checked his
closet and he was wearing work boots I determined,
then I pulled back his clothes. He always kept his
gun at the back of his closet, kind of hidden...it
wasn't there. He never went hunting anymore...I
knew. I got frantic, praying Lord please NO! I
searched everywhere for a note, anything...I found
nothing.
Our son came over and we went driving around to
places I thought I might find him...and hopefully
stop what I was so afraid he was going to do. I had
called his mother in hopes she had heard from him
and told her he took his gun, I was afraid of what
he might do for her to stay put in case he called or
came to her. Our youngest son had stayed home in
case he came home or called. We didn't find him.
One of his friends suggested we call the police
again and see if they wouldn't put out a missing
persons. We came home to call, as we rounded that
corner again I visioned 2 police officers coming to
our door...I already knew.
Our son called the police and was told they would
send someone out. An officer showed up and took the
report. He went to his car to call it in. Our
oldest son went outside and talked to the officer.
Later I followed and saw them just talking. Another
police car came down the street. I went inside. A
few moments later 2 officers had joined the first
one. They came inside with our sons. They had
found my sweet precious husband. He had driven
about 60 miles away and committed suicide. My world
fell apart.
His note read "I am so very sorry to you all. I
love you all very much!" That was it, no
explaination. He had always said if he got a
terminal illness he would do this exactly like he
did it. He had said he would not put us or himself
through that kind of pain and suffering. He was a
quiet man and kept alot to himself. If he had found
out he had an illness, he didn't let on to me. That
would have been his way. I miss him so much he was
the love of my life. We were married 25 years this
year and had never been more in love. I know in my
heart he would not have left for any other reason.
He is with the Lord now and I am happy that he is
experiencing the fullness of God's love. He was a
good man who's time it was to go home. Some day I
will see him again.
I didn't know I had saved the Truckers Last Letter
in my folders and just found it this morning. I
have been slowly working on web pages for my
husband, but was finding it hard to get back to
them. Since I found the letter, now I know I can
work on them some more. I just wanted to share the
blessing that letter had given us. You see, I only
saw him cry 4 times in the 28 years I have known
him. He knew he was about to put us through the
most pain we had ever experienced in our lives and
that letter touched his heart enough to cry. I
thought he was crying because he felt he didn't show
us enough love, which was far from the truth, he was
crying because he was dying.
