A blood curdling scream from the hallway jerked Sav and Kerry out of a sound sleep. Kerry sat up as Sav mumbled, “What the hell?”

As the screams continued, Sav threw on his jeans and Kerry got dressed quickly. When they got into the hallway, they found Rick staring into his room, screaming incoherently. Sav grabbed him and shook him, saying, “What the fuck’s wrong with you?”

“HER!” Rick yelled and pointed at a very tall, very attractive brunette just emerging from his room. Just then, Phil and Steve stumbled out of their rooms, looking worried. Then Phil asked, “Since when are you afraid of a girl, Rick? Something you want to tell us?”

“She’s not a girl!” Rick yelled in near panic.

“Um, mate, what’d you drink last night?” Sav asked as Joe came out of his room. Sav took one look at Joe and starting laughing. Then Rick screamed, “She’s got a dick!”

“Oh, shit!” Joe gasped. “You’re kidding, right?”

“You didn’t, like, do anything with her, did you Rick?” Kerry asked quietly.

“Fuck, I don’t think so! I just woke up and it was there!” he wailed.

“Don’t you remember last night, Ricky?” the woman, or whatever, said softly to Rick. “It was fantastic!”

“Oh, Jesus!” Rick said and plopped down on the floor, his head in his hands. Suddenly Joe caught a look of suppressed mirth that Phil shot Steve and knew what had happened there. The same thing that had happened to his clothing. “Phil, you wouldn’t know anything about this, would you?” Joe asked.

Phil jumped guiltily and said, “Who, me? I’m not the one that banged a transsexual!” But Steve refused to look up and Sav figured out what was going on. Sav also figured out what was behind Joe’s choice of t-shirt that morning, but he was going to have a blast ragging him about that.

Kerry stood mute as the transsexual leaned down and kissed Rick softly on the cheek. Rick tried to back away, but a strong hand held his chin and he looked up, transfixed. The person in front of him leaned down and whispered, “Happy April Fool’s Day, Ricky!” Then backed away before Rick could swing the fist he had balled up.

“Ah, fuck, I forgot that was today!” Sav said as he leaned against the wall.

“Yep!” Phil said with a smile, just as Rick got to his feet. Then, suddenly Rick had Phil jacked against the wall with his hands around Phil’s throat. Joe and Sav pulled Rick off him and said, “It was only a joke, mate. Calm down!”

With a boyish pout, Rick said “Well, I didn’t think it was bloody well funny!”

“If they’d have done it to one of us, you’d have been laughing your ass off!” Sav said with a laugh. “Oh, Joe, by the way, I love your shirt! I didn’t know you were such a big fan though.”

Joe tried to cover up the front of his t-shirt to no avail. Across the front was a large picture of the members of the members of Duran Duran, along with the symbols off their latest album. “I can’t damn well stand it and you fucking know it!” Joe said hotly. “This was the only thing left in my closet this morning.” Everybody but Rick busted out laughing at Joe’s distress. Kerry gave Sav a quick kiss and headed in to grab a quick shower as the guys discussed some of the pranks that got pulled the year before. Ten minutes later, as they were talking about last year’s biggest prank, they heard Kerry screaming, “STEVE! PHIL!”

“Um, Sav, where’d Kerry go?” Steve asked nervously.

“She went to get a shower. Why?” Sav asked curiously, wondering why his girlfriend was screaming their names.

“FUCK!” Phil and Steve said in unison and both ran for their rooms. Just as the doors slammed, Kerry stormed out of Sav’s room. Sav’s hand flew to his mouth to stifle a laugh, while Joe and Rick just stared at her. All she said was, “I’m going to kill both of them, now”. Then she started pounding on Steve’s door. Kerry’s hair, normally a strawberry blonde, was now harsh jet black.

“Damn, Sav, they went after your hair!” Rick said in surprise. Suddenly, Sav stopped laughing as he realized Rick was right. If he’d made it to the shower first, like he almost always did, it would be his hair that was the color of coal right now.

“Holy shit! They missed you!” Joe said in shock. “I think that’s a first.” Kerry slammed her back against Steve’s door and said, “Okay, you wanna play that way? Fine, I’m up for it!” Then she turned and walked back into her room.

Sav, Joe and Rick followed her into the room. Rick looked at her and asked, “What are you going to do?”

“You’ll find out! And so will they!” she said angrily. Then she got an evil grin on her face, and went to the phone book. She knew a few people in this town who could probably help her out, plus there were calls to be made to both their girlfriends who were waiting in the next town they would visit.

The guys all headed out to do an radio interview before their gig that night. Meanwhile, Kerry continued to scheme.

When they returned, Joe, Sav and Rick headed straight to their rooms, while Steve and Phil took off for the bar. Sav came in and saw Kerry laying on the bed, sleeping. He curled up behind her for a quick nap before they had to leave for their soundcheck. About forty five minutes later, the phone rang for Sav. His guitar tech needed him to get to the gig right away because there was a problem with several of his guitars. Kerry got dressed and was heading out with him as the phone rang a second time. As Sav picked up the phone, Kerry opened the door and all hell seemed to break loose. Suddenly she was pelted by soaking wet sponges and wet paper balls. Then Sav looked up and said, “That was Joe...”

But she had already started screaming. Phil and Steve were standing in the hallway several doors away to watch Sav get drenched, but instead they’d once again gotten Kerry. She took off running after them, but they made it to the elevator and managed to get the door to close before she got there. She turned and looked back at Sav and Joe, who’d just emerged from their rooms. Sav looked at her and said, “That was Joe on the phone. He said they had done something to the door and not to come out til they left.”

“OH REALLY? Thanks for telling me that NOW!” she yelled. “God, I’m gonna kill them!” She raged on as she headed for the room to change her clothes. When she was done, still looking rather grumpy, she went down to lunch with Joe, Rick and Sav. Steve and Phil were obviously hiding from her. They sat, waiting for their order when their drinks arrived. Joe, Rick and Sav had all ordered beer, while Kerry ordered Sav’s usual wine. She took one drink and spray it all over Rick.

“Oh, fuck, that was nasty!” she exclaimed.

“Yeah, wasn’t it, luv,” Rick said sarcastically.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Sav asked. She pushed the wine glass to him and said, “You try it!”

Sav took one smell and said, “Ugh, olive juice! Who the hell...”

Joe pointed to the door where Phil and Steve were trying to sneak out. Without a word, Kerry took off running after them. Joe looked at Sav and said, “Now who here is the one that normally orders wine?”

“Ah, fuck, they were after me again, weren’t they?” Sav sighed. “She seems to have a bull's-eye painted on her back, doesn’t she?”

Steve and Phil managed to lose her in the hallways of the hotel. When it came time to board the buses for the venue, Kerry leaned over to Rick and whispered in his ear. He smiled broadly and said, “Um, just to be on the safe side, I’m riding with Joe and Sav to the gig. I don’t want to be alone with you two!”

“Um, okay, mate,” Phil said quietly. They’d actually planned to give Rick a break, because they were still plotting what they were going to do to Sav next. They HAD to get him this time. They boarded their bus and flopped down on the couch to discuss strategies.

On the other bus, Kerry could do nothing but laugh as they pulled out. The three men with her stared at her, wondering what she was up to. Sav leaned over and kissed her, then said, “Kerry, luv, what’s so bloody funny? Care to share with the class?”

“Um, you’ll see when we get to the arena,” she laughed.

Back on Phil and Steve’s bus, about five minutes after they’d left the hotel, Phil’s head shot up as he heard a giggle from the back of the bus. “Um, Steve,” Phil asked, “did you hear that?”

“Yeah, mate,” Steve said, looking towards the back of the bus cautiously. Phil got up and walked to the back to see if they had someone hitching a ride with them. That was his biggest mistake. From behind the curtains of both their beds jumped four of the ugliest women Phil had ever seen. The pounced on him immediately and before he could scream for Steve to help him, they’d tied a gag around his mouth. Before two of them headed forward to grab Steve, they wrestled Phil out of his shirt and tied his hands behind him. At this point, Phil was terrified thinking he was either being raped, which made him shudder as he looked into their homely faces, or kidnapped. The two remaining women managed to get Phil’s pants off by simply using scissors. There was a muffled shriek as the blades came dangerously close to his crotch. Then they tied his feet together tightly and left him to help the others with Steve.

As Steve saw the first two women coming out of the back of the bus, he screamed for the driver to pull over. The driver simply ignored him, having been given his instructions before they’d left from the rest of the band. Steve jumped up on the couch as the women approached with outstretched hands. Before they could get to him, he’d jumped across the bus onto the other couch. “Damn,” one of them said, “she told us he’d be the easier one!”

“Jesus!” Steve screamed, “did Kerry put you up to this?”

“We’ll never tell,” another of the women said. From what Steve could see, these two women had seven teeth between the two of them. The taller of the two made a grab for him, but he jumped back out of the way. The second one tried to get him, but he kicked her, then apologized profusely. He’d not meant to actually connect that kick. He started grabbing couch cushions to throw at them, knocking one of them back against the other. Then the other two emerged from the back and Steve finally realized he was outnumbered. He stopped fighting them and let lead him back to his bed. The curtain on Phil’s bed was drawn back and he could see Phil trussed for market. “Ah, shit!” Steve murmured.

He stood there and let them undress him down to his underwear and even let them tie him up. Since they no longer had to hide their presence, being that the driver was in on it, they undid Phil’s gag. Phil looked up at them and asked fearfully, “What do you want?”

Steve looked over at his friend and said, “Kerry put them up to it.”

“Fuck,” Phil mumbled. “Let me guess, they get to find us like this when we get to the gig, right?”

“Um, not quite,” the shortest woman said. Three of the women headed for the bathroom and brought out eight cardboard containers of ice cream.

“What the hell’s that for?” Steve shrieked.

Without another word, the women tore the containers open and held them over the two once again struggling men. They looked at each other and nodded, then each upended the first container on their victim. Each man had a full container of ice cream land on his chest and his crotch at the same time. In unison, they both screamed, “FUCK!”

Phil started shrieking, “That’s fucking cold, you cunts!”

Steve laid there, teeth chattering suddenly, as he tried to say much the same thing. Unfortunately for him, it didn’t stop the women from tearing into a second container each. Those containers all landed between the first two. Then the women used their hands to make sure each of the shivering men was covered from nipples to penis in the melting, but still freezing, sticky goop.

“Oh, Jesus, I’m gonna kill her!” Phil muttered between teeth chatters. But, the women over them weren’t done yet. One of them walked back to the bathroom and returned with an overfull armload of whipped cream containers. Once again, there were two for each woman. They rubbed the cool whip over each of them and Phil gave another scream as a woman’s hand rubbed him between the legs. “Watch that!” Phil yelled at the top of his lungs. Then the women brought out containers of crushed nuts and sprinkled them liberally over the mess already covering each man. Last, but not least, four bottles of maraschino cherries came out and were laid in clusters over each man’s genitals. For a finishing touch, one of the women scooped up a bit of whipped cream and placed a dollop on each of their noses. The women stood back and surveyed their handiwork just as the bus pulled into the venue parking lot. As soon as they came to a stop, the women ran off the bus and into the afternoon sunshine, laughing the whole way.

Back on the other bus, Kerry was a giggling mess as she saw the women run away. Sav put his arms around her and said, “Are you going to tell us what you’ve been up to?”

“Nah, I’m gonna show you, but first let me get my camera,” she laughed. She pulled her camera out of her bag and motioned for the others to follow her. The door to the second bus was still wide open as they walked up to it and Rick asked, “I wonder why they haven’t come out yet?”

“You’ll see,” Kerry giggled. She boarded the bus, followed by Rick, Sav and Joe. As soon as Phil saw her, he screamed, “Get me out of here, this shit’s cold!”

Kerry aimed her camera at a rather blue Phil and snapped a couple of photos as the other band members walked up. Rick took one look at them and was on the floor, laughing. Then Joe spotted them and went into hysterical laughter himself. Finally, Sav walked up behind Kerry and snickered, “Oh, my, revenge is a dish best served cold!”

“Should we untie them?” Joe asked between bouts of laughter.

“Nah, I’m sure someone will happen along before it gets much later,” she said, glancing at her watch.

“OH, SHIT!” Steve said loudly.

Then Phil begged, “Please, get us out of here!”

“Um, I don’t think so,” Sav laughed. And all four of them turned at walked off the bus, leaving them in their ever expanding pile of melting ice cream.

“So, who gets to let them out?” Sav asked quietly.

“Them!” Kerry said, pointing to two women who were just walking up to the bus to meet the rest of the band.

“Oh, shit, you called their girlfriends?” Rick laughed.

“Yepper!” Kerry chuckled. Deirdre and Lisa walked slowly up to the group and Sav said, “Um, hi Dee, Lis. The guys are, well, indisposed at the moment.” The rest of them snickered as the girls quietly entered the bus. Then they heard female voices yelling about inviting other women onto the bus and look what it got them!

“They’re in on it, aren’t they?” Joe asked, suddenly serious.

“Of course! You don’t think I’m that mean, do you?” Kerry asked with an evil smile.

“I don’t know,” Joe said. “After that stunt...”

The four of them walked quietly into the building ahead, all still chuckling quietly to themselves.

Phil and Steve threw on their clothes over the stick mess Kerry’s henchwomen had put on them and headed straight for the showers inside. As they walked to the stage for the soundcheck, Sav took a deep breath and said, “Hmm, you guys smell something sweet in here?”

Rick and Joe busted out laughing all over again, and Rick added, “The faint aroma of cherries, if I’m not mistaken.”

Phil and Steve glared at them, unused to being the butt of the joke. The soundcheck went fairly smoothly, though mysteriously Joe’s mic and Sav’s amp kept shutting off, according to Phil, on their own. As they walked backstage, Steve went over to Sav and said, “Hey, your guitar tech said he wanted to talk to you. He’s in that room right there,” he said, pointing to an open door. Sav walked into the room, but as Kerry tried to follow him, Steve grabbed her by the arm and said, “Oh no, you’re not in the middle of this one!”

Phil slammed the door behind Sav and started laughing. Inside the room, Sav turned around and tried to open the door, but it was locked from the outside. He pounded on it, but all he could hear was Phil’s laughter from the other side. He sat down and waited, knowing they wouldn’t leave him there all night. They had a show to do. Suddenly, he heard a very loud alarm clock going off in the room with him. He found the clock and tried to turn it off, but the switch had been broken off. It was a wind up clock, so he couldn’t even take out the batteries. He sat it down across the room and tried to ignore it. A couple of minutes later, another clock went off. When he found it, the switch was broken off it as well. He put it with the first and walked back across the room. The noise from the clocks was truly annoying and Sav covered his ears, trying to block it out. A third clock went off, with the same results. Sav started to pace the room, the noise driving him crazy. When a fourth clock went off, Sav started pounding on the door in earnest. “Get me the fuck out of here!” he screamed.

When the seventh clock went off, Sav had taken all he could. He picked it up and started smashing it against the door until it broke into little pieces. An eighth clock went off and Sav started screaming, “PHIL! STEVE! Let me out of this fucking hole!”

Then he started kicking at the door. His soccer strengthened legs hit the wooden door and it rattled loudly. A second kick started to crack the door, driven by the strength of the madness the clocks had stirred in him. Outside, Phil and Steve watched amazed as the door started to give way. His third kick deepened the crack in the door and Kerry tried to pull away from Steve and Phil to let Sav out, but they wouldn’t let go. They wanted to see if Sav was actually going to break the door down. Another kick landed on the door and the wood started to splinter.

“Jesus, he’s gonna come right through it!” Steve yelled as Sav kicked again. Part of the door broke off and they could hear Sav screaming at the top of his lungs, “I’m gonna kill you bastards!”

Phil started away from the door, knowing Sav probably meant exactly what he said. Phil and Steve were both wondering if they’d finally taken their jokes a bit too far this time. Sav sounded out of his mind! He kicked the door again and it broke. There was no other way to describe the way it fell to the ground. One look at Sav’s face and Phil and Steve took off running for their lives. Sav was hot on their heels, still half crazed from the sound of those clocks. In fact, the sound followed him, because he carried one in each hand. When he got a clear shot, Sav threw the first clock and nailed Steve in the small of the back, bringing a cry from Steve’s lips. Phil saw Steve go down and ran even faster. Sav let the second clock fly and it caught Phil in the back of the head. He fell down and waited for Sav to simply kick the shit out of him. But Kerry grabbed him and whispered something which actually made Sav smile. They turned and walked quietly to the catering table, grabbing a calm bite to eat before the show.

The show went fairly smoothly, though Joe’s mic still kept turning off on him. After the show, Phil and Steve stayed out of everyone’s way, though everyone seemed to have forgotten the day’s events. When it was time to get back on the buses, Rick headed for the bus he shared with Phil and Steve. Once inside, he locked the door and sat back to watch the last bit of April foolery with Lisa, Steve‘s girlfriend and Dee, Phil‘s girl. Sav, Kerry and Joe got on their bus and waited for Phil and Steve to head out. The two of them walked to their bus and tried to get on, but couldn’t. All they saw was Rick, Lisa and Dee sitting in the window, waving at them. Behind them, there was a commotion as several fans finally started to make it to the buses. Steve and Phil hurried over to the other bus, hoping to board it instead. But just as they got close, the door slammed shut and the engine started. The fans were disappointed, because they thought all the band members had made it aboard already. Then Kerry got her final revenge. She opened the window and, ignoring Steve and Phil’s pleas, screamed, “OH MY GOD, IT’S PHIL AND STEVE OUTSIDE THE BUSES!!”

The fans turned en masse and focuses on the two stranded Leppards. Phil and Steve were now cut off from the entrance to the venue and had nowhere to go outside either. Steve started pounding frantically at the door, screaming, “You bloody bastards! Let us in!”

Then they went down under the pile up of fans. Kerry left them out there for about ten minutes before calling in her distraction team. Sav and Joe went to the open windows and started talking to the girls outside the bus. As soon as the fans switched to Joe and Sav, Kerry opened the door and pulled the two exhausted Leppards into the bus. Breathless, they sat on the floor staring at the three who’d left them out there.

“You guys really are bastards,” Phil muttered.

“Well, we won’t do it again, if you promise no more practical jokes!” Sav said.

Phil and Steve looked at each other and smiled. Then they both said, “Okay, no more jokes.”

But no one could see that both of them had their fingers crossed behind their backs.