Sav was frantic, wondering if Trish had done something to herself in her depression. It took three weeks for Joe to even find out if she was still alive. Then all he could tell Sav was that she’d called Cindy and said she was in a rehab center, trying to straighten herself out. Sav called Cindy himself, trying to get any other information out of Joe’s mother he could But Cindy knew little more than what she’d told Joe and just counseled Sav to be patient. Trish would come home when she was ready to and at least she was safe.

By September, Sav had other things to worry about. Steve’s drinking was completely taking the guitarist over. He wasn’t even able to play a simple solo anymore. The band decided to give him a leave of absence, time to pull himself back together again. They suggested he go to his house in Chelsea and rest, do whatever he needed to do to get well. But somewhere in the fog of his brain, Steve could hear the implied threat. If he didn’t get any better, he was going to be thrown out of the band he’d been with all his adult life. He retreated to his home in London and wondered if he’d still have a band to come back to when his six months was over.

Once Trish came out of the rehab center, she realized she still wasn’t ready to face Sav yet. So she found herself an apartment in London and spent a lot of time searching her soul for the answers. She made a few friends, but mostly stayed home alone. The only contact she had with her friends or family were occasional calls to her Aunt Cindy, just to let her know she was okay.

Christmas came and went with barely a notice from Trish. But when New Year’s rolled around, one of her new friends stopped by with an invitation she wasn’t about to let Trish pass up.

“Trish, you’ve got to come to my New Year’s party tonight,” Mary said enthusiastically. “You’ve been stuck in that flat way to long and it’s time to get out and live again!”

“I really don’t feel much like partying tonight, Mare,” she answered quietly as she looked at her friend. New Year’s with Sav had always been a very special time and this first year without him was going to be rough. Trish didn’t feel like facing a hundred happy party guests as she drowned in her misery.

“Come on, luv, you’ve been away from him for six months now!” Mary said as she shook her head. “It’s time to move on!”

Trish let out a long sigh. Mary had been bugging her about this party for nearly a month and just wouldn’t let it go. And from the determined look on her face, she wasn’t going to either. Trish took a deep breath and said, “Okay, I’ll be there, but not til late. Say ten?”

“That’s fine, just make sure you’re there!” Mary said, wagging her finger in Trish’s direction. “Don’t make me come drag you out of bed or anything!”

With a soft chuckle, Trish said, “Okay, I promise!”

“I’ve got to scoot, Mark wanted me to stop by the grocery and pick up a few things before I headed home,” Mary replied. She gave Trish a quick hug, then headed out the door of the apartment before Trish could change her mind.

Looking around, Trish wondered just what she’d let herself in for. No doubt, Mary had stocked the party with loads of eligible bachelors, in the hopes that someone might be able to take her mind off Sav. Even though the thought was frustrating, a little part of Trish almost hoped she would find that guy.

She took a long nap, sure it was going to be a very long night. When she woke, it was to a ringing phone. “Trish, where the hell are you?” came Mary’s voice over the line.

“I was taking a nap. What time is it?” Trish said sleepily.

“10:30, luv! Get your ass over here, the party’s in full swing!” Mary said a little too loudly. It was obvious she’d been drinking, which didn’t surprise Trish one bit. After all, it was a party.

“I’ll be there in just a bit,” Trish said quickly. “Just let me throw my clothes on.”

“Hurry up or you’ll miss midnight!” Mary said as she hung up the phone.

Trish rushed around the apartment, thanking God that Mary only lived a few blocks away. Rather than try to mess with styling her long locks, Trish pulled them up in a pretty chignon and pulled her black jersey mini dress on. After minimal touches of make-up, she flew out the door far later than she’d planned.

Her heels clicked on the cold December pavement as she pulled her coat tight around her and hurried through the night. It took her ten minutes to get to Mary’s house, a record for her in those high heeled shoes.

“TRISH! God, I thought you were going to stand me up, luv!” Mary said as she wobbled by the doorway.

“Never, Mary!” Trish laughed. “Have I ever let you down?”

“No, and I’m glad tonight wasn’t the first time!” Mary said with a huge grin. “Listen, there’s someone here you’ve just got to meet! Danny! Come over here!” A tall black haired man crossed the room and put his arm around Mary to steady her as Mary said, “Trish, this is Danny Ferguson. He’s a CPA, luv!”

Extending her hand, Trish said, “Nice to meet you, Danny.” As Danny was returning her greeting, she glanced over his shoulder and did a double take. She could swear that she recognized someone standing behind him. Mary and Danny watched as she put her hand over her mouth in shock. What the hell was he doing here? Mary had never mentioned knowing any of the band!

Trish excused herself quickly, leaving a dismayed Danny in her wake. The tall blond she was heading for had obviously been drinking quite heavily as he weaved where he stood. She put a gentle hand on his shoulder and he turned to face her carefully. Peering down into her eyes, he said in a slurred voice, “Trish, luv, is that you?”

“God, Steve, I thought I saw you!” Trish said with a smile. Wrapping his arms around her, Steve lost his balance and landed heavily in a chair, pulling Trish down on to his lap. Letting out a laugh, he said, “Damn it, where’s Janie? I want you to meet her!”

“That’s your girlfriend, right, luv?” Trish questioned as she adjusted herself on his lap. There was no sense antagonizing his girl when she saw Trish on Steve’s knee. Then she got a good look at Steve’s face. There was a telltale smear of white powder just under his nose and Trish looked at him in concern. “Fuck, Steve, what the hell have you been doing?”

“Just having a little fun, baby,” Steve said, though Trish had trouble making out his words.

“I thought you were giving up coke and that shit, Steve?” she said in a concerned voice. Then she looked away and really saw what was happening around her. There were three or four tables where she could see people doing cocaine right in sight of everyone. Shaking her head, she was about to move away from Steve when he said, “Ah, fuck, there’s Janie now.”

“Where?” she asked quietly. He pointed to one of the tables where others where doing drugs and she saw a woman sitting on the lap of a large dark skinned man as she snorted coke. His hands were all over the girl and when Trish looked back at Steve, she could see the tears in his eyes. It was obvious that he’d seen her in that situation before. He looked so lost that her heart went out to him. She hadn’t seen that look on his face in years. The day she told him it was over between them, that she was staying with Sav, came to mind.

He laid his head back as they started to call out the New Year. She ran her hand over his face and said, “Steve, are you okay?”

“Not really, luv,” he said slowly. “I wanna go home.”

“Six, five.”

“Don’t leave me alone, Trish,” he whispered.

“Four, three.”

“I won’t, luv,” she said quietly.

“Two, one.” His hand wrapped into her hair as they called, “Happy New Year!” Pulling her down to his lips, he murmured, “Happy New Year, Tris.”

“Happy New Year, Steve,” she said quietly, just before his lips touched hers. His kiss was soft, gentle. When he broke away from her, he pulled her head down onto his shoulder and sat there for a long moment. Pulling herself back up a minute later, she looked down at him and realized he was close to passing out.

“Come on, Steve, we’re getting you out of here,” she said as she pulled him to his feet.

Mary saw Trish heading for the door with Steve’s arm over her shoulder and made her way to Trish. “Damn, girl,” Mary chuckled. “You work fast!”

“Steve’s an old friend, Mary,” Trish said quickly as Steve groaned. “I’m gonna get him home, then head back to my place.”

“Ah, shit, Trish!” Mary said, frustrated. “You can’t leave yet!”

“Mary, Steve needs someone to take care of him and you see that bird over there on the big black guy’s lap?” Mary nodded. “That’s his girlfriend. Think she can do it?”

“Hmm,” Mary said as she tried to consider Trish’s question. “Prolly not!”

“Then I’m going to,” Trish said quickly. Steve slumped against her, ready to fall any minute. Forcing him to look up at her, she said, “Steve, did you drive here?”

“Yeah,” he slurred. “Lemme ges my keys and I’ll takes ya home, luv.”

“Oh, no you don’t!” Trish said as Steve pulled the keys from his pocket. She snagged them from his hand and said, “I’m driving!”

“Whats ever you want, baby,” Steve said as he leaned heavily on her. She found his car just down the block and helped him into it, then slid into the driver’s seat. He looked like he’d already passed out as she started the car. She tried to ask for directions to his house, but all she got was incoherent mumbling. So rather than stay in the car on a freezing cold night, she headed for her apartment.

As the car slid into a parking spot, she saw Steve stir slightly and hoped he’d be able to walk into the apartment. He wasn’t that heavy and Trish was a good sized girl, but she really didn’t relish the thought of trying to carry an unconscious man into her flat. Opening his door, she saw him look up at her with drunken, bleary eyes as she tried to get him to stand up. He leaned on her quite a bit, but managed to keep his feet moving as she walked him up the steps. Opening the door was tricky, cuz Steve nearly knocked her right off her high heels.

Thanking God her flat was all on one floor, she steered him into her bedroom and let him fall on the bed. Then she looked around and wondered where she was going to sleep. Her sofa was only a love seat really, so that was out. And she just hated the thought of a night on the floor. There was only one alternative. So she got Steve out of his shoes and coat, then took his shirt off so he’d at least be somewhat comfortable. She changed her clothes and moved him over to one side of the bed. Slipping in beside him, she lay staring at the ceiling for a long while and wondered why God had put Steve in her path on the first night she’d decided to try and forget all about Sav. Her mind was still spinning as she finally managed to fall asleep.

Steve woke the next morning alone in a strange bed. Not the first time in recent days that had happened, but he wondered just where he was. Janie, well, she probably hadn’t gone home alone anyway, if she even made it back to his place. He could remember seeing her hanging on a couple of different men before he’d gotten too drunk to care anymore.

Looking around, he realized the room was in much better shape than most of those he’d landed in over the last few months. Considering most of the women he knew ended up just as strung out as he was, few of them could keep up a house. Another strange thought hit him as he got up out of the bed with his hand on his head. He was still partially dressed. Must have let another woman down, he thought sadly. She was probably pissed as hell at him right then. If he’d had the slightest clue where he was or how he’d gotten there, he’d have tried to sneak out without seeing this mystery woman. But he wasn’t even sure where he’d come from last night, so how could he get home?

He put his shirt on and walked out into the hallway, looking for signs of life in the flat. He could hear someone in the kitchen and slowly made his way there. The woman had her back to him as he walked in and said, “Sorry about last night, luv. Guess I had a few too many, huh?” Then she turned around.

“Yeah, you could say that, Steve,” Trish said as she leaned against the counter. Steve’s jaw nearly hit the floor as he realized who was standing in front of him. She gave him a slow smile and said, “Have a seat, luv. You look ready to fall over!”

Instead, Steve stood and stared at her, horrified at the thought that he’d passed out on her the night before. How could he have let this one woman down? He could have dealt with anyone else, but not Trish. She caught the way he was looking at her and said softly, “Steve, nothing happened last night. We met up at a party and you were in a spot of trouble, so I got you out of there. Nothing more.”

Slumping down into a kitchen chair, Steve looked up at her and said, “Got anything to bloody drink here? I need a touch of the hair of the dog that bit me!”

Trish leaned back against the counter and said quietly, “Somehow, Steve, I think that’s the last fucking thing you need.”

“Come on, luv, just one drink!” Steve pleaded. “I need it!”

“Listen to yourself, Steve,” she answered. “You’ve been out of bed ten minutes and you’re begging me for alcohol. Can you look at the situation and honestly say you don’t have a problem with it?”

“I just need something to start the day,” he said softly. “A little pick me up, you know?”

“Steve, alcohol isn’t a pick up,” she replied. “It’s a depressant! And that’s the last fucking thing you need.” He stared down at the table, wondering how he was going to get a drink when she was acting like this. Watching him, she knew exactly what was going through his mind. So she said, “You’re not going to get a drink while you’re here, Steve. Not like this, when you’re so desperate for it. You’ve got two choices right now. You can stay and talk to me or you can leave and go get that drink.”

Steve considered her. Some place in his mind, he knew if he left, he wouldn’t be able to come back here again. And he’d wanted nothing but to be with her for twelve years. So he stayed in his seat and said, “I don’t want to leave.”

“Then no alcohol right now,” she said slowly. “And no drugs either unless a doctor prescribed them.” He nodded thoughtfully, thinking that just being near her was better than any drug he’d ever taken. Sitting down next to him, she said, “Steve, what’s going on? Why aren’t you in Ireland with the band?”

“I’m on a leave of absence,” he muttered. “I was having problems playing, cuz my hands were shaking so bad. The guys gave me six months to get myself straightened out.”

“You know what’s causing that, don’t you?” she asked quietly. “It’s the drink, Steve.”

“No, I don’t....” he started. But Trish said firmly, “Sorry, luv, remember, I had my own problems with alcohol. And it does cause the shakes. The more you drink, the worse it’s gonna get! You’ve got to stop or you’ll never get any better. I’ll make you a bet and it’s the first one I’ve ever wanted to lose. If you can not drink for three hours, starting right now, you can have anything you want today. Within reason, cuz I can’t get the throne of England for you or anything.” Steve considered her thoughtfully. There was only one thing he wanted at that moment, but would she be willing to do it? At least she was going to give him three hours if he accepted her challenge. So he nodded slowly, afraid if he said no she’d tell him to leave right then.

“Then we’re on,” she said with a slow smile. “It’s eleven o’clock now, so you have to make it to two without a drink to win.”

“What if I don’t make it, luv?” he asked quietly.

“I’ll think of something then,” she answered, unable to think of anything else at the moment. Getting up, she went to the ice box and grabbed the orange juice, pouring each of them a glass. She handed one to Steve and watched with pity in her eyes as his hand shook all the way to his mouth. Unlike some people, she knew all about Steve’s problems with his father and with the chemical imbalance that had haunted him over the past few years. For him to even accept her bet was a step in the right direction, though. “Let’s go in the living room and talk. Maybe that will help keep your mind off it, okay?”

She took his hand and led him in to the sofa, then sat down next to him. Brushing his hair back off his face, she said, “So, anything in particular you want to know? It’s been a while since we’ve had a chance to speak to each other.”

Steve let out a long sigh and stared at her. Then he said softly, “Why’d you leave Sav, Trish? You two almost always seemed so happy together.” She sat back hard against the couch and put her hand over her mouth in surprise, not expecting that kind of question from Steve. But she was the one who opened the floor to him, so he deserved an answer.

“Because every time I looked at him, I saw Amanda,” she said with a long slow sigh. “It wasn’t his fault she was born with anencephaly, but I couldn’t help it. I’d see him and think “we should be holding our little girl now, not going over to Joe’s house” and I’d start crying. After three months of that, I just couldn’t do it anymore. So when he went to the studio, I packed my things, left him a letter that explained it all and just left. I couldn’t even face him to say goodbye.”

“Have you seen him since then?” he asked, knowing that even though Sav was still hurting from her abandonment, he still loved her as well. He’d heard Sav asking Joe how she was and if he’d heard from her. Though usually, the answer had been that she hadn’t called in a long while. They all thought that eventually she’d come back and give Sav the second chance he so desperately wanted.

But she shook her head. “I told Joe he was not allowed to know where I was. Maybe someday I’ll be able to face him again, but not yet.”

“You really should at least talk to him, luv,” Steve said quietly. As much as he didn’t want her to go back to Sav, he knew the two of them were miserable apart. “As a matter of fact, you better do it right now, while I’m here to make you.”

“Steve, I just...”

He bent over and picked up the phone, dialing the number of Joe’s studio. Then he handed it to her and said, “Remember, Joe has caller ID, so they already know who’s calling.”

Trish listened to the phone ring three times, then heard a distinct London accent say, “Elliott residence, can I help you?”

“Phil, put Sav on the phone,” Trish said in a voice near a whisper.

“Trish? Luv, is that you?” Phil said, then the phone was snagged away.

“Trish?” came Sav’s voice. “God, luv, where are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she said quietly. “I guess I just called to say I’m sorry.”

“For what, luv? I understand you needed the time and space to sort things out,” Sav said quickly. “But please, baby, you’ve got to come home!”

“I can’t, luv,” she whispered. “I’m not ready for that.”

“I’ll be waiting for when you are,” he said and she could hear his voice catch.

“Rick, baby, don’t,” she said softly. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to. I’m just too raw, too hurt.”

“Please, Trish, you’ve got to! I love you, baby!” he pleaded.

“I’m sorry, Sav,” she said as she started to cry. Steve put a gentle hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down as Sav started to get angry. “Just what did you call for then, Trish?”

“To tell you I’m sorry things turned out this way,” she choked out between tears.

“Yeah, well, so am I. I’m sorry you didn’t see fit to tell me what you were feeling,” he said furiously. “I’m sorry you couldn’t even tell me you were going to leave me. I’m sorry you couldn’t see that losing you hurt almost as bad as my daughter dying!”

“Sav, please!” she begged. “Don’t do this!”

“Fuck all, Trish!” he yelled into the phone. “I’m not the one who did anything! You walked away from me!”

“I didn’t call to fight with you,” she said sadly. “Goodbye, Sav.” She could hear him yelling into the phone as she put the receiver back into the cradle. Then she turned into Steve’s arms and sobbed.

“I’m sorry I told you to call him, Trish,” Steve whispered into her hair. “I just thought maybe you needed to talk to him. That maybe you’d be able to work things out with him.” She shook her head and sobbed, “No, things would never work out between us again, Steve. It’s over.” He ran an unsteady hand over her hair, trying to soothe away the pain the conversation had caused.

He wiped away her tears and said, “I’m sorry things went so wrong for the two of you.”

“Nobody’s fault but God’s, I guess,” she said softly as she looked up into his eyes. Then she pulled away from him, suddenly afraid of what might happen. Puzzled, Steve stared down at her and saw the fear in her eyes. “I wouldn’t...”

“I know, Steve,” she said quickly. “I guess I just don’t know what I’m feeling right now. I’m sorry.”

“Okay, we’ve heard the word ‘sorry’ enough now, Trish,” he said with a gentle smile. They both jumped as the phone rang. She started to reach for it, then looked down at the caller ID box and saw Joe’s name. Pulling back, she said, “Let’s get out of here. He’ll keep trying to call all day now that he’s got my number.”

“Okay, let me pull myself together a bit and we’ll take off,” he said quietly. As he walked back to the bathroom to run a brush through his hair, he berated himself for the stupidity of making her call Sav. It was outright dumb! But he had heard for himself now that she thought they were over, even if she did still have feelings for him. Maybe, just maybe there was some hope for Steve yet!

When he came back out, she asked, “Is there anything you need to get from your place, Steve? Like your medication, maybe?”

“Yeah, I’d better go grab it,” he said, thankful she’d had the presence of mind not to forget it. So they went out and got in his car, driving quietly through the city to Mookie Manor, Steve’s nickname for his house.

When they arrived, Steve opened the door and looked around at the devastation. Apparently, the party had come back to his house after Mary had thrown everyone out. As he headed for the kitchen to grab his pill bottles, Trish followed to make sure he didn’t sneak a drink. They stepped over several unconscious bodies on the way through, which Steve seemed to not even notice. Once they got into the kitchen, Trish saw him go stiff. At first she thought maybe Janie was waiting in there. But she followed his eyes and saw them fastened on a bottle of Vodka sitting on the counter top. He walked straight towards it, then grabbed a hold of the counter. His hand wrapped around the bottleneck as he stared down at it. Trish didn’t say a word, just closed her eyes and prayed for God to give him just a little bit more strength.

Hearing a long low sigh, she opened her eyes and saw him take his hand from the bottle. Then he looked at her with an awkward smile and said, “Nother hour and a half yet, huh, luv?”

Smiling back at him, she nodded silently. He gathered up his medication and motioned for Trish to head back out of the house. But on the way through, he saw one of his guitars laying on the floor in pieces. Bending down to pick it up, Steve wanted to strangle Janie at that moment. In the corner, several other guitars lay around. Luckily none of them were broken. Yet. When he saw his eighteen string Gibson among the wreckage, he had to choke back a scream. He picked it up and put it in its case, then handed it to Trish. Pulling two of his other favorites out the mess, he stuck them in their cases and said quietly, “Let’s get out of here before I start hurting people.”

Once they loaded the guitars into the car, Steve started to rant. “She knows how I feel about those fucking guitars!” he yelled. “I keep them locked up for a reason! And now, either she let someone have at them or stood by and let someone break the bloody fucking lock! God damn! What the hell was she thinking! I’d love to bloody well kill her right now!” Trish put her hand on his shoulder and said calmly, “Steve, let’s get out of here, okay? You really aren’t in the shape to deal with it if any of those men come to and decide to start anything with you about this.”

His eyes brimming with angry tears, he nodded and let Trish slide into the driver’s seat as he got into the passenger’s side. He slammed his fists into the dashboard as she pulled away from the curb. Knowing what he needed to do about Janie didn’t make it any easier. If she couldn’t even respect this one precious part of him, she wasn’t the right woman to be with anymore. Lorelei would never have let anyone touch one of his guitars without permission. But Janie was as bad about the drugs and alcohol as Steve himself, so she just didn’t care once she was high.

Trish put a soft hand on his thigh and he turned to look at her. The look of understanding on her face was something Janie would never have. With a sigh of regret, Steve turned and stared out the window. The car slid into a small park and Trish pulled to a stop then motioned for him to get out. Puzzled, he left the car and watched her walk around to his side. She took his hand gently and said, “Let’s just go for a walk, okay, luv?”

“Sure,” he answered quietly. She led him up a small hill and on to a walking trail that led up through the woods. He was struck by how peaceful it was here. The sounds of the city seemed so distant! All he really heard were birds and the soft sigh of the wind in the trees. Snow crunched under foot as they walked. He could feel her shivering in her less than warm coat, yet she never once complained. He put his arm around her and pulled her in closer to his body for a little extra warmth. As they walked, neither of them said a word. Trish could feel him starting to relax against her, the peaceful surroundings working wonders on his troubled mind. And Trish was finally able to put the phone call with Sav out of her mind as well. She leaned her head on his shoulder as they walked, letting herself relax into him.

The trail they walked on came to an end in a small clearing and Trish asked, “Well, you ready to head back yet?”

“If you are, luv,” he said softly. He looked at her, wondering what was going through her mind at that moment. Raising a shaky hand to her face, he brushed back a windswept curl and said, “Trish, you know you’re as beautiful as the first time I met you?”

“Thanks,” she said with a blush.

“I mean it,” he said softly. Then he leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. There was no pressure behind the kiss, just a bare meeting of the lips. But Trish reached up and ran her hand into his pale blond hair, pulling him down further into her. His tongue worked its way gently between her lips, tentatively exploring the inner recesses of her mouth. He didn’t even notice the chill of the January air as her hands went under his coat, burrowing to find his flesh under his shirt. Then he pulled away from her and said, “Sorry, luv, somehow I don’t think we want this to go any further HERE. The snow on the ground would probably be a little cold for our tastes.”

Leaning back into his body, she whispered, “Then let’s go back to my place. Nice and quiet and warm there.” He nodded and pulled her back towards the car without another word. Unlike the slow easy walk into the woods, their steps held urgency as they hurried back. As soon as they got back into the car, Steve pulled her in for another long, deep kiss before she started the engine. Sitting back in the seat, she put the car into gear and started to drive. Then her hand found his, holding on tight as they rode through the city back to her place.

When they got there, Trish opened the door and followed Steve in. She turned and locked the door behind her, then leaned against it and considered Steve for a moment. He watched her uncertainly, wondering if she’d had any second thoughts about what had started between them. Then he saw a slow smile cross her face as she stepped towards him.

“Trish, please, tell me you’re not doing this because of that fight with Sav,” Steve pleaded. “Tell me you really want this to happen.”

“I do, Steve,” she whispered. “Sav and I are through. It was over when I walked out that door, whether we knew it or not.” Her hand ran through his hair as she said softly, “Steve, are you just here because you’re mad at Janie?”

“God, no, Trish,” he said hoarsely. “Don’t you know?” His eyes found hers, staring into them full of hope.

“Know what, luv?” she asked as she stepped closer to him, their bodies barely touching.

“I’ve been in love with you since you were a chubby little fifteen year old, baby,” he said softly. She could feel him trembling and wondered if it was alcohol or fear that caused it. Then the full impact of his admission hit her.

“Since I was fifteen, Steve?” she asked quietly.

“The first day I met you,” he said, suddenly looking away from her. “When you showed up in Holland, I was terrified. Afraid you’d reject me right off. You and Sav pulled together, but you didn’t turn your back on me. You were so afraid of hurting me, it just made me love you that much more even though I knew it was hopeless. After we fought, I knew you were with Sav for good, so I went out with Lorelei. She was so good to me, but I couldn’t ever completely forget you. I think that’s what finally broke off our engagement. I couldn’t marry her, knowing how I felt about you. I think she could feel it.”

“I’m sorry, I....I didn’t know,” she whispered.

“It’s not your fault I was too shy to say it,” Steve answered. “When I watched you with him, it hurt. And it was just another reason to drink.” He saw her head snap up and said, “No, luv, it wasn’t the main reason. Just another one. I tried to hide what I was feeling in the booze and drugs. I wanted to be numb, to get away from all the problems in my life. My instability, my inadequacy, the fact that I’m not what people think I am. That I’m really just a piss poor guitar hack who got really lucky.”

“Whoa, luv,” she said, putting her hand on his chest. “That’s not true. You’re one of the best guitarists I’ve ever heard! How can you still doubt that after all these years? And listen to the songs you’ve written! You’ve helped write every one of the band’s hit singles! How can you still doubt that you’re very good at what you do?”

“Because Dad always said....”

“Steve, your Dad doesn’t know what he’s talking about! You’re very talented and VERY special,” she ran her hand over his cheek as she whispered, “And you’re very special to me! I care a lot about you, Steve, I always have.” With those soft words, she leaned up and kissed him again. Desperate for him to know just how much he meant to her, she pulled him into her body and held him close. His long fingers wrapped through her hair, bringing her into him as his tongue entered her mouth. Running his hands over her back, he dared to hope she really wanted HIM. That he wasn’t just a substitute for Sav. Her next words proved it to him.

“Steve, make love to me, please?” she whispered against his cheek. “I need you so much!”

His lips found hers again, a fierce kiss so unlike any he’d ever given her before. It crushed her lips into her teeth as his tongue worked its way quickly into her mouth. She felt his hands go to her face, holding it against him as he devoured her. No man had ever shown such a passion for her before. By the time he pulled away, Trish was breathless with anticipation. Taking both her small hands into his, he pulled her gently back towards her bedroom.

He stood in the middle of the floor, facing her as he stared at her uncertainly. Even though he’d been with more women than most men ever dream of, he felt suddenly like an untried school boy aching for his first kiss. This wasn’t just some groupie throwing herself at the rock star. This was his Trish, the woman he’d loved for twelve long years. The woman he’d dreamt of since that day she’d left him for one of his closest friends. He wasn’t sure what to do as Trish sat down on the edge of the bed and called him over to her.

Standing in front of her, he ran his hand over her soft brown curls as she looked up at him. Then Steve knelt in front of her, like a man worshipping his goddess. As she ran her hand over his face, he turned into it and kissed the palm softly as his hand covered hers.

Trish shivered as his lips traced the line of her vein up her arm, nuzzling softly against the joint of her elbow before pulling away and staring up at her again. He smiled at her and said, “Trish, my love, do you have any idea what you mean to me?”

Shaking her head, she felt his hands tighten over hers as he said, “More than my own life, my music, my dreams. You are my dreams, Trish. Every one of them fulfilled.” Tears bloomed in her eyes at the emotion in his voice. “I love you, Trish!”

“I love you too, Steve,” she said softly. She leaned down and kissed him again, letting her fingers wind through his hair. Her hands trailed down his throat to the buttons of his shirt. She slowly undid them as her mouth followed her hands down his chest. Kneeling down in front of him, she pulled his shirt open and slid it off his shoulders. Tugging at the thick leather of his belt, she undid it with deft fingers as she leaned over to him and whispered, “Stand up, luv.”

He did as she told him without a question, standing in front of her as she quickly undid his jeans. Her hands ran over his skin as she lowered his pants off his legs. For the first time in years, Steve hid his face in his hair as a blush crept over his cheeks. He felt her hands run up his thighs as she looked up at him. When her warm hand closed over his manhood, Steve trembled. He closed his eyes as her tongue flicked out and ran over the tip of it. Then she slipped him into the velvety depths of her throat and Steve let out a moan. Her tongue moved slowly over his length, up and down him as he caught her rhythm and started to pump carefully into her mouth. Gripping his small ass in both hands, she pulled him deeper into her throat. His body begged for release, but Steve wasn’t willing to give in to it yet. He wanted so much more on this night.

“Trish, luv, come up here,” he murmured softly. He pulled her to her feet and pleaded, “I want you, Trish, please!” His soft eyes watched her as she said, “I want you, too.” Then she leaned over to his ear and breathed softly, “Don’t make me wait any longer, Steve.”

He tugged her t-shirt off over her head and nestled into the crook of her neck, sucking gently at the skin. His long fingers fumbled with the fasteners of her bra until she reached around and opened it for him. He slid the fabric off her arms and lowered his head to her breast, his tongue going out lightly over her nipple. His lips closed over the hard nub, sucking at it tenderly as her fingernails dug into his shoulders. He opened her jeans without removing his lips from her. The denim fell away from her hips as Steve gave her a gentle push down onto the bed.

She laid back on the bed and motioned for Steve to join her, which he did almost immediately. His hips parted her willing thighs as their lips met again. “Steve, please, do it, luv!” she rasped.

His hair trailed over her cheek as he moved into position between her legs. With a deliberate, careful movement, he entered her body and sank slowly into her. Trish gasped as he touched parts of her that hadn’t been touched in years. By the time he made his way fully into her, her body had woke again to his once familiar touch. Feeling him shiver, she pushed his hair back from his face and looked deep into his eyes, whispering, “God, Steve, you feel so good, luv!”

“Mmm, so do you, Trish!” he answered softly. Not wanting to rush the moment, Steve held himself back, not letting himself move too quickly and end their union before they were ready. The strain showed on his face and Trish cried, “Please, baby, I need more! Harder, luv, PLEASE!”

Their eyes met again and he poured himself into every thrust as he gave in to her desire. Her legs wrapped around his narrow waist as he pounded into her with more and more force. He heard her whimper his name as her body clamped down on him with her climax. As he felt her cum, Steve’s body finally gave in to his own need and his seed poured out into her as he collapsed down on to her.

Trish held him then and let him fall asleep in the safety of her arms. Kissing him tenderly, she glanced up at the clock and let out a little giggle. It was nearly five o’clock. He’d made it past her three hour mark and then some. She wondered just what he’d ask for as a reward for winning their bet as she drifted off into her own satisfied sleep.

Steve woke alone in her bed, his body shaking now from its lack of alcohol. Grimacing, he recognized the onset of the DTs and tried to pull himself up. But he fell back on to bed as he saw his father standing over him. He could hear the older man said sarcastically, “What’s wrong with you, boy? Not man enough to handle a drink? Come on, let’s get ourselves to the pub and get a pint!”

Shaking his head, Steve said, “No! I’ve got to wait for Trish to come back!”

“Lord God in heaven, Stephen! She’d never come back to a wastrel like you!” Barrie Clark laughed. “Your luck has run out this time, my boy! She’s far too good for you!” Tears streamed down Steve’s face as he heard his worst fears voiced. Turning away from his father, he saw Sav sitting next to him on the bed.

“How could you have slept with her, Steve?” Sav accused. “She’s been with me for years and you think she wants YOU now? Mate, you haven’t got the slightest clue about what she wants from a man! A real man, for one thing! Not some lush who’s gonna fall into the first bottle he can find!” Covering his face with his hands, Steve let his tears fall in silent agony. When he looked up again, Janie was sitting next to him where Sav had been just a moment before.

“You left me, how could you?” Janie said angrily. “I need you, Stevie!” He heard the door open as she said, “I’ll die without you!”

Trish saw Steve staring into empty air as if he were listening to someone speak. His body was shaking from top to bottom, the motion obviously not controlled by him. Rushing across the room, she realized he was hearing something as he said, “You’re not good for me, Janie! Let me go!”

“Steve,” Trish whispered. His head turned towards her and he smiled, saying, “See, Dad, I knew she’d come back!”

“Oh, God, Steve!” she gasped. “You’re going into withdrawal, aren’t you?” Putting her hand on his forehead, she felt the fever starting to burn there. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you to do this for me. I knew you could end up like this!” She reached into the bag she’d carried in and pulled out a bottle of Guiness. Opening it, she gave it over to him and said, “Drink this, luv, it will help get you back.”

Confused, Steve did as she said and took the bottle. After a long swallow, he looked at her and said, “Dad told me you wouldn’t come back.”

“Well, that proves he doesn’t know anything, doesn’t it?” she said softly as he downed more of the drink. When he finished it, he looked at her and she saw reason starting to come back into his eyes. There were still tears running down his face as he stared back at her.

“Trish, let me stay with you tonight, please,” he begged.

“I wouldn’t have you anywhere else, Steve,” she whispered. “You can stay with me as long as you want to.”

“What if I said I never want to leave?” he said in a voice she could barely hear.

“Then you don’t ever have to,” she said as she kissed him tenderly. “By the way, you won our bet, luv.”

“Really?” he said, the astonishment showing in his voice. “So I get anything I want, right?”

“Be reasonable, Steve,” she laughed.

He let out a long sigh and said, “No, I can’t ask you that.”

“Out with it, Steve,” she chuckled.

“It’s not reasonable, believe me,” he said softly. “And I know you don’t want to do it, so let’s drop the subject.”

She raised an eyebrow in his direction and said, “Stephen Maynard Clark, that is for me to decide! Now, just ask it!”

“Marry me,” he whispered. Trish just stared at him for a moment, not sure she’d heard him correctly. He looked up at her hopelessly and said, “It’s all I’ve wanted for the past twelve years.”

Trish considered him for a long while as tears sprang up in his eyes. I should have known better than to ask her that, he thought to himself. There’s no way she’ll marry me! The longer he waited, the more disheartened he felt. If she’d wanted to do it, she would have said ‘yes’ right away. He started to move away from her, so that she wouldn’t see the thin line of tears trailing down his face. But Trish put a gentle hand on his arm and stopped him.

“Steve, there’s only one way I’ll do it,” she said quietly. “You’ve got to at least try to straighten up. Give rehab an honest effort this time. If you’re willing to do that, then the answer is yes. If not, then I just can’t no matter how I feel about you. I won’t put either of us through that misery.”

The light came back into Steve’s eyes as he heard what she said. And for the first time, Steve had a reason to give up drinking that was more powerful than his reason to drink. Looking into her eyes, he said, “I’ll do it, Trish. I’d do anything for you. As long as you’re there with me, I know I can make it.”

“Then I’ll be right by your side through the whole thing, luv,” she whispered, hoping he was right. “But you’re going to have to go back into rehab, you know that, Steve. Tonight proved you’re going to need more than I can do alone.”

“I will then,” he said with determination. “But marry me before I go, will you? A show of faith in me?”

“When do you want to do it?” she said with a smile.

“Tomorrow, as soon as we can!” he said with a broad grin.

“Then tomorrow it is,” she laughed. “But I did promise Aunt Cindy I’d go to her place for a visit Sunday night, so I’ll have to leave you for just a couple of days afterwards.”

“Then we’ll have four days together before you leave,” he said quietly. “When are you coming back?”

“Oh, I’ll only be gone until Wednesday, so not very long at all,” she smiled.

Steve considered this fact and nodded. Then he said, “When you come back, then I’ll check into rehab again and make it work this time.”

“You ready to go back to sleep, luv?” she asked softly.

“Umm, yeah, but can I ask you for one more thing?” he said quietly.

“What’s that, luv?”

“Can I have another Guiness, just to keep the DTs at bay for the night?” he whispered. Trish looked at him thoughtfully before pulling another bottle out of the bag and handing it to him.

“Only one more though, then we’re going to sleep, okay?” she said slowly. Nodding, he opened the bottle and started to drink while Trish took the rest into the kitchen and put them into the refrigerator. He’d already finished when she returned. She looked at him with concerned eyes and said, “Downed that rather quickly, didn’t you?”

“And it was the first drink I’ve ever taken that I didn’t want,” he said softly. “I just wanted to get it over with, so you didn’t have to see it.”

Crawling into the bed next to him, she said, “Thanks for being so considerate. I’ll just be glad when the drink isn’t necessary at all!”

“For the first time in my life, so will I,” he answered as he pulled her close to him. The beginnings of withdrawal had worn Steve out, so he pulled Trish down onto his shoulder and was sound asleep within minutes. Trish considered what she’d done that night. Maybe marrying Steve would turn out to be a mistake in the long run, who knew? But it was what he wanted, what he thought would help him get past all the misery in his life and she wanted nothing more than to see him happy for once. She had to admit to herself, she still loved Sav. But at this moment in time, she loved Steve more. And Steve needed her in a way that Sav never would. Brushing a stray lock of hair back from his face, she looked down at him and knew she’d made the only possible choice. She would stay with the man who depended on her and the consequences be damned. Someday, in the far off future, she’d pay whatever price she had to for her decision. She threw a gentle arm over Steve’s chest and settled down to sleep against his shoulder.

Steve woke the next morning with Trish still laying in his arms. He moved a bit so that he could look down at her and wondered if she’d actually go through with the marriage. His hand unconsciously brushed her hair back from her face as he watched her sleep. Before he realized what he was doing, he kissed her lips tenderly and pulled her into his body.

The gentle pressure of his lips on hers woke Trish and she pulled him deeper into the kiss. His long fingers traced lazy patterns on her shoulder as they kissed. Feeling his hard need against her thigh, Trish leaned up and pushed him over on to his back, then crawled up on to his body. Smiling down at him, she said, “Good morning, luv!”

His calloused fingertips ran lightly over her breasts as he said, “Mmm, definitely a good morning!”

“So, what do you want for breakfast?” she said with a grin.

“You!” he laughed, pushing her down on the bed and rolling over on top of her. He pinned her to the bed and started nibbling his way down her throat as she wiggled underneath him. His hips parted her thighs quickly as he sank into her. Her back arched at the feeling of him inside her, bringing her breasts closer to his hungry mouth. Trish let out a long low moan as his lips closed over her hard nipple, sucking like a child at its mother’s breast.

Steve’s hands dug into her shoulders, pulling her down on to him with his every deep slow thrust. Moving up into his every push, she could feel her body tensing under him. “Oh God, Steve, I’m cumming! OH STEVE, I LOVE YOU!”

“I LOVE YOU TOO, TRISH!” Steve gasped as his lips closed over hers. His movements became more frantic as his body cried out for release. Then he felt that last bit of heaven as his issue poured into Trish’s body. He covered her face with sweet soft kisses as they came back to Earth together.

Then he looked down at her uncertainly and said, “You haven’t changed your mind about marrying me, have you?”

“No,” she said as she smiled up at him. “I already called the court house and they said they can perform the ceremony whenever we’re ready.”

“Shit,” he said, getting up and pulling her with him. “Then let’s go!” As they gained their feet, Steve kissed her again and said, “Trish, you’re about to make me the happiest man on Earth, do you know that?”

“I hope so, luv,” she whispered quietly. Making her way to her closet, she pulled out a white dress that fell just below her knees and headed for the bathroom to get changed. Steve threw his clothes back on and decided to stop by Mookie Manor to get a few of his things before the wedding. When Trish came back out, Steve let out a low whistle and said, “Damn, luv, you’re beautiful!”

“Thank you, Steve,” she said as she stepped into his arms. He gave her a brief peck on the cheek and said, “I need to go home for a few minutes, just to grab some of my things,” he smiled.

“Well, let’s go then so we can get to the court house!” she said with a grin. “I’m suddenly of a mind to get married!” Steve took her hand and led her out to the car. The drive through the city was quiet as Steve wondered what he’d find back at his house. Trish laid her head on his shoulder as he drove, giving him the support he needed to face Janie and her friends as they pulled in front of his house.

Putting the key in the lock, Steve took a deep breath and opened the door. The maid had been in, so the mess of Janie’s little party was gone. Trish made her way to the bar and poured a small amount of whiskey into a tumbler, then handed it to Steve. Then she stared at the floor as he belted the drink back. “Thanks for understanding, Trish,” Steve said softly.

“I’ll just be glad when that’s over,” she answered. He took her hand as they made their way to his bedroom. The bed was still made, so apparently Janie hadn’t been home since the party. He pulled out a small bag and started throwing some of his clothes into it, then set out a white dress shirt and black pants. He considered her for a moment, then pulled out a black jacket as well. He gave her a quick kiss, then said, “I’m gonna grab a quick shower and then we’ll be out of here, okay?”

Trish nodded, letting him head into the bathroom while she sat on the bed. Looking around the room, she saw a group of small photos in frames on his dresser and walked slowly over to check them out. There were pictures of the band, of Steve and Janie, one of Lorelei and then she saw one that caught her eye. It had been taken years before, of her standing between Steve and Sav. She smiled down at the picture as she heard the shower turn off.

She stuck her head into the bathroom as she heard the hair dryer turn on. Steve smiled at her and motioned her in, where she wrapped her arms around his narrow waist from behind and smiled at him in the mirror. Then she laid her cheek against his bare shoulder as he finished drying his hair. With one last look in the mirror, he said quietly, “Ready in just a minute now, luv. Just let me get my shirt and boots on and then we can go.”

Trish stepped back and watched him slip the white shirt on over his shoulders. Watching his shaky fingers try to button it, Trish stepped forward and fastened them for him with a gentle smile. He looked down at her and suddenly wondered what he’d do if she wasn’t there for him. Closing his eyes against the unwanted tears, he pushed those emotions back out of his mind. Trish held out his jacket and let him slip it on, then watched him step into his black leather boots.

Steve turned and took her hand, leading her out of the house as he grabbed his bag. They were just about to get into the car when Janie pulled up with two of her friends.

“STEVE!” Janie called quickly. “Hang on, luv!” She ran over and throw her arms around him, trying to kiss him as Steve turned away.

“What’s wrong, no love for me today?” she quipped.

“I’ve got to go, Janie,” Steve said quickly. “I’ll talk to you in a couple of days.” Janie looked over Trish scornfully and said, “Ah, you’ve got yourself a new piece, huh, luv?”

“Janie, I don’t want to talk right now,” he said crossly.

“Just remember, you’re engaged to me!” she said angrily.

“That’s one of the things we need to talk about,” Steve answered, then slid in behind the steering wheel. Trish got into the car and said, “Steve, are you sure you want this?”

“More than anything else in the world,” he said softly as he smiled at her. He put the car into gear and drove straight to the London courthouse. When they pulled into the parking lot, he got out and opened Trish’s door, helping her out of the car. Then he slipped his arm around her and they headed into the building.

Within ten minutes, they were filling out the marriage license. And ten minutes after that, they were standing in front of one of the judges, listening as he started the wedding ceremony. Steve barely heard the words, so lost was he in the emotions of the moment. They saw a flash as the judge’s secretary took a Polaroid of the two of them, so they’d have something to remember the ceremony with. Then the judge said, “Do you, Stephen Maynard Clark, take this woman, Patricia Marie Elliott, to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, until death do you part?”

“I do,” Steve whispered, smiling down into Trish’s eyes.

“And do you, Patricia Marie Elliott, take this man, Stephen Maynard Clark, to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, from this day forward, until death do you part?”

“I do,” Trish said softly as she saw tears pricking at Steve’s eyes.

“Then I now pronounce you man and wife,” the judge said somberly. “Mr. Clark, you may now kiss your bride.” Steve’s leaned his teary face down and kissed her gently, then whispered, “I love you, Mrs. Clark!”

“I love you too, Mr. Clark,” she said as she smiled back up at him. They signed all the forms the clerk put in front of them, then the woman handed Steve the picture she’d taken of them together. He laughed as he saw the terrified look on his own face. Handing it to Trish, he said, “Someday, we’ll do this again the right way.”

“After you get out of rehab, we’ll do it again with everyone around us,” she said softly. “But we need to get you straight first, okay?” Steve nodded without a word, then pulled her out into the midday sunlight.

“Trish, I need to stop by my solicitor’s office, then we’ll be free to do whatever we want to,” he said quickly.

“Whatever you want, luv,” she said quietly.

When they reached the attorney’s office, Steve said, “This could take a little while, why don’t you wait in the cafe over there and I’ll be back as soon as I get done.”

“Okay, I’ll be waiting for you then,” she said quickly, then walked across the street and took up a seat next to the window. Steve was in the office for nearly an hour, so she got up and went back to a little newsstand next door. Grabbing a newspaper, she went back and sat down to read. She didn’t see him when he walked in because she was wrapped up in reading one of the news stories. All she knew what that suddenly a hand came between her and the paper, holding out a small bouquet of white roses. She looked up at him with a smile and said, “They’re beautiful, Steve.”

“Not as beautiful as you, Trish,” he whispered as he kissed her. They ate lunch there in that small cafe and talked about their plans for the future. Now that Steve had reason to be clean, he knew he’d be able to go back to the band and play again. But thoughts of the band reminded Trish that they had to break their news to Sav and the others. After much discussion, they decided to wait until Steve returned from rehab before telling anyone other than his parents about the wedding. Sav probably wasn’t going to take this well, but they’d all just have to deal with whatever happened.

Steve told her of his dreams for a family and a real home, one where the children they raised wouldn’t have to deal with a father like Steve’s. He vowed then and there to support anything his children wanted to do and never put them down like he’d dealt with. Trish smiled at him, hoping he’d be able to keep his word.

They went back to Trish’s place, where they spent the next four days in each other’s arms. They made love all day and curled together at night to sleep. Steve tried not to drink and only had a few beers each day.

Sav paced around the studio, wondering if he should just go find Trish down in London. He had her number and he’d called her several times, only to have to deal with her answering machine. Finally, Joe cornered him and said, “Listen, I know you miss her, but you’ve got to stop this.”

“I could just kick myself for going off on her like that,” Sav answered sadly.

“Hell, no!” Joe chuckled. “If ever anybody needed to hear something, it’s Trish.”

“But she won’t answer my calls,” Sav said softly.

“Give her time, Sav,” Joe answered. “You know Trish. She’s an Elliott, for God’s sake! We’re all stubborn as the day is long. Call her again in a couple of weeks, but whatever you do, quit calling her constantly now. Make her wonder what’s going on with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive, mate,” Joe laughed. “If anybody knows Trish, I know her. She just needs time to realize what she’s missing!”

“Okay,” Sav mumbled as he walked back over to the mixing board and tried desperately to get Trish off his mind.

Eventually Sunday found Trish and Steve unwilling to let each other go. When they woke that morning, Steve had his arms curled tightly around Trish’s waist, holding her like he’d never release her. Her head lay against his shoulder as she listened to his heart beating in his chest. As he woke, the rhythm changed slightly and his heart started to race. Afraid, Trish looked up at him and found him watching her with fear filled eyes. She ran her hand over his stomach as she asked worriedly, “Steve, luv? Are you okay?”

“Sure,” he said, trying to sound casual and failing. “Why do you ask?”

“You look so scared,” she said uncertainly. “Are you starting to regret getting married?” she asked as she tried to pull away from him.

“Oh, God, no, Trish!” he said hoarsely. “That’s one thing in my life that I’ll never EVER regret.” He squeezed her tight, not letting her escape him as he asked, “What about you, luv? Any regrets?”

“Not one,” she sighed, laying back down against him.

“Trish?” Steve said quietly. “Do you ever wonder...”

“What, luv?” she asked as she heard his voice falter.

“Nevermind, it’s not important,” he sighed.

Trish pulled away from him finally, looking down with anger and concern on her face. “Stephen,” she said firmly, “This is one thing you’re going to stop. When you have a question, it will always be important to me, no matter how trivial the subject! Because YOU’RE important to me. So, what’s the question?”

Stunned momentarily, he looked up at her and asked softly, “If we hadn’t gotten into that fight all those years ago, would you still have ended up with Sav?”

“Oh,” she said, her eyes going wide at this unexpected subject. “Well, I don’t know,” she said finally. “I mean, if you’d have asked me that before that trip to Paris, I wouldn’t have been able to give you an answer. But then, after what you said that night, I was so hurt! I just couldn’t forgive you then.”

“Then this really was all my fault,” he whispered.

“No, it wasn’t,” she said reassuringly. “We both made mistakes, Steve. And I was...well, part of me will always be torn between you and Rick. You know that. I didn’t think I could make the choice I needed to. Then, we had that fight and you started seeing Lor so soon after it, that I just took it for a sign that it was over. Part of me needed it to be over, to be honest. I couldn’t live with hurting you anymore, I’ll tell you that. For the longest time, every time I looked at you, I saw that hurt in your eyes and wanted to cry. There was nothing else that I could do. And I really do...did love Rick,” she sighed. Then, she looked into his eyes and admitted, “I still do love him. I’m sorry, but it’s best that you know that from the start.”

Steve nodded, saddened but glad she felt like she could be honest with him about it. Better she told him up front than to have it come up later after they’d faced Sav with the news of their marriage. He looked at her and asked, “Trish, are you sure you don’t regret getting married to me?”

“No, I meant it when I said that, Steve,” she answered truthfully. “What Sav and I had is over now. I’m with you now and that’s the last word I want to hear on it!” With a laugh, she kissed him and said, “Are we going to waste all the time we have left today talking about this?”

Sighing, Steve moved away from her and said, “No, I’d rather not, actually. When are you supposed to leave, anyway?”

“In about an hour,” she answered uncertainly, wondering just what he was feeling. Watching him sit on the edge of the bed, she crawled over behind him and said, “Steve, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, luv,” he said unconvincingly.

“Don’t lie to me, Steve,” she said quickly, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Does any of what I’ve just said bother you?”

“In a way, maybe,” Steve answered. “Am I ever going to know if you love me or him?”

“I love you both, baby,” she said quietly. “But I love you just a little bit more than him. Even as long as Rick and I were together, even after I got pregnant, we never got married, did we? Maybe that was fate or just the way things worked out, but we didn’t. I married you, not him. So I don’t know any other way to convince you that I really do love you, other than to say I love my HUSBAND. Understood?”

His eyes sparkling with unshed tears, he whispered, “Understood.”

Trish wrapped her arms around Steve’s chest, kissing him gently on the shoulder. He leaned back into her body, suddenly needing the feel of her against him. Pulling her around in front of him, he got her to straddle his lap as he said, “I love you, Trish.”

Nibbling along her husband’s throat, she whispered softly into his ear, “I love you too.”

His hands ran over the bare skin of her back and down to the soft flesh of her buttocks. Then he let out a small laugh as he whispered, “Remember that first day back in Holland, luv?”

“How could I forget?” she giggled, shifting her weight in his lap. He pulled her chin up so that she faced him and let his other hand trail slowly down between their bodies. Staring deeply into her eyes, he let his fingers work carefully between them until they raked over her eager mound.

“Remember how this felt?” he asked quietly as his fingers made their way between the outer folds of her and into her inner core. First one finger, then two worked their way into her channel. She ground down onto his hand as she moaned, “God, yes!”

As his third finger slipped into her, she let out a gasp and started to shake in his arms. He pushed further into her body, his fingertips just brushing against the opening of her womb and sending her spiraling into a well of bliss in his arms. Her arms tightened around his shoulders as he turned them over and laid her gently on the bed. A dozen memories flooded into Steve’s mind as his hips moved slowly between her thighs. As he entered her body, he remember that first morning they’d been together in Holland. With each thrust into her, his mind traveled to another time they’d been together in that brief four months during the recording of Hysteria. And just as his body tensed in orgasm, he flashed back to that very first night on the couch at Joe’s parents’ house. For a moment, he was lost in the feelings that he had held so close to his heart for twelve very long years. As his seed poured into Trish’s waiting womb, he leaned down and whispered, “I’ll always love you, Mrs. Clark!”

“And I’ll love you forever, Mr. Clark,” she replied softly as she pulled him tightly into her arms.

They lay there for a long while before Trish had to get ready to leave for Sheffield. So Steve made his reluctant way back to Mookie Manor to await her return. Trish traveled back to Sheffield and her aunt and uncle’s house practically floating on air after the time she’d spent with her husband.

Cindy Elliott took one look at Trish and knew something had changed. She probed and prodded until Trish finally broke and said, “Aunt Cindy, can you keep a secret?”

“Of course I can, luv,” Cindy said quickly.

“I’m married!” Trish giggled.

“What? To who? Did you and Richard finally work things out?” Cindy asked, glad to finally Trish so happy again and knowing that Sav would have been able to make her that way.

“No,” she said quietly. “Steve and I got married on the second.”

“Steve?” Cindy asked in quiet confusion. Then it dawned on her. “Steve....Clark?”

“Uh huh!” Trish said. She was practically glowing, so Cindy only said, “Trish, do you know what you’re doing? Steve’s got, well, he’s got a lot of problems. But you know that!”

“He’d gonna really make a try in rehab this time, he promised me that,” Trish answered. “I think he’ll make it, Aunt Cindy. He just needs my support.”

Just then, the phone rang. Cindy picked it up and handed it over to Trish. “Steve?”

“Yeah, luv,” he said wearily.

“What’s wrong?” she asked in concern.

“Oww,” Steve groaned. “I took a fall and busted my ribs.”

“Oh God, Steve, are you okay?”

“Yeah, just hurts like hell,” he gasped as he turned the wrong way. “I’m gonna take my pain meds and hit the bed, but I wanted to call you first. I love you, Trish.”

“Love you, too, baby,” she said worriedly. “You take it easy and I’ll see you Wednesday night, okay?”

“I will,” he said softly. “I miss you already.”

“I miss you too, luv,” she answered. “I’ll see you soon!”

“Count on it!” he said as they rang off.

Steve woke the next morning and found Janie laying in bed next to him. Moving quickly away from her, he watched as she sat up and said, “So, my long lost lover has finally returned.”

“Janie, we need to talk,” Steve said softly. “It’s over between us.”

“What are you saying?” Janie said uncertainly.

“I’ve found someone else,” he answered. “Someone who’s not into the drugs and drink and is willing to help me get out of it as well.”

“Oh, some angel, huh?” she said sarcastically. “Those angels never stick around for very long. You fall off the wagon on them and they turn their backs on you.”

“Trish wouldn’t to that to me,” Steve said quietly.

“Bullshit, Steve,” Janie laughed. “They all do it.”

“Not Trish,” he said, but his confidence was starting to waver. What if Trish really did have second thoughts on their life together? Would she dump him off into a rehab clinic and then take off on him? She’d already just disappeared on Sav, what if she didn’t come back to him? He sat down heavily on the edge of the bed and heard Janie say, “I’ll never leave you, Steve. Unlike so many of these little do gooders who think they can change the world. Only it never works out that way, so they always say ‘so sorry’ and move on to the next hard luck case. Stay here with me!”

Then Janie grabbed a bottle of Vodka from the floor next to the bed and handed it to Steve. “Besides, what does she know about our partying? We have a lot of fun together, luv. Don’t let that stop now!”

“It’s not fun,” Steve murmured as he took the bottle from her. Then he took a long hard swallow and said, “It’s a necessary evil to deal with life.” But as his doubts ate away at his confidence in Trish, Steve took another long drink. The alcohol rushed through his system and soon he was sure that it was all he had left to him. That his beloved Trish would turn her back on him if she saw him like this. By one o’clock, Steve was already completely drunk.

Late that afternoon, his friend Danny Van Alphen showed up and persuaded Steve to go out partying with him. He drank hard all night, trying to block the pain of his insecurity. At midnight, Danny finally dropped Steve off at home.

Phil called, trying to talk to Steve again. He was thoroughly disappointed when he heard the slur in Steve’s speech. He’d been in such good shape just the day before! So Phil told him to go to bed and sleep off the booze, hoping Steve would be able to pull himself together the next day.

Trish called him a few minutes later and was disappointed as well. “Steve, what’s going on?” she asked in a worried voice.

“You’re not gonna come back, are you Trish?” Steve cried into the phone.

“Of course I’m coming back!” she sighed. “I wouldn’t leave you, Steve, you know that!”

“But Janie..” he slurred.

“Janie doesn’t know anything about me, luv,” she assured him.

“Then come home now,” Steve pleaded. “I need you, Trish!”

“Steve, luv, it’s nearly one o’clock in the morning,” she said reasonably. “You’ll be sound asleep by the time I make a three hour drive home!”

“Yeah, I’m really tired already,” Steve murmured. “I was just afraid you wouldn’t come back.” His voice was already fading on the line as Trish said, “I promise, I’ll be back on Wednesday, my love. Now you go get some rest and take care of yourself!”

“I love you, Trish,” he said softly.

“I love you too, Steve,” she answered worriedly. “I’ll be home soon! Sleep well!”

“Uh huh,” he mumbled, then hung up the phone. Steve laid down on the couch and closed his eyes. He woke with a jerk when he felt a small hand on his shoulder.

“Uncle Steve, it’s time to go,” said a small, child-like voice. He sat up and looked at the small dark haired girl standing in front of him.

“Uncle Steve?” he asked in confusion. “Who are you?”

“I’m Amanda and I’ve come to lead you to where you need to go,” the girl answered.

“Amanda?” Steve asked in confusion. He’d only known one person by that name, but that was impossible. “Amanda...Savage?”

The girl nodded slowly as comprehension dawned on Steve. Then he looked down at the couch and saw his body still laying there. Tears started down his face as he said, “I’m dead?”

Amanda nodded slowly. “It was time, Uncle Steve. You’ve got a better place waiting for you now, you know? But we’ve got to go.”

“But I don’t want to leave Trish,” he protested.

“You’ll be able to watch out for Mommy where we’re going,” the child said quietly. “I look out for her and Daddy all the time. And sometimes, I can even talk to them in their dreams. Mommy cries a lot, but the dreams make Daddy happy for a little while.”

“Will I be able to do that?” Steve asked uncertainly.

“Yeah, when she needs you, you can be there,” Amanda answered. “But for now, we’ve got to leave this place.” She reached out and took his hand as the landscape around them changed. Looking up at him with a puzzled expression, she said, “This is where you chose to be.”

Steve looked up at the dilapidated old factory building and recognized it from his youth. The Bramhall Lane spoon factory. Some of his best memories were there. He picked up the child and said, “Let me tell you why we’re here, in this place.” Then he carried the small girl into the building as dawn broke back in the real world.

Trish had felt unsettled all morning. Just an uneasy feeling that something was very wrong. She wondered around her aunt’s house and considered going home early to surprise Steve. He’d sounded so lonely, so tired when she’d talked to him that she was worried about him. She heard the phone ring, then a few minutes later her aunt called in a tear-filled voice, “Trish, luv, phone for you!”

“Hello?” she said quietly into the receiver.

“Trish, luv,” came Joe’s voice roughly over the line. “I know you and Steve were friends, so I wanted to be the one to call and tell you this.” She could hear tears in his voice as he said, “Peter just called. Steve’s girlfriend Janie found him dead in his house this morning.” Joe went on, but Trish didn’t hear what he was saying. Steve, dead? She dropped the phone and let out a gut wrenching sob as she fell to her knees. Cindy came into the room and picked up the phone, telling Joe she’d call him back later, that Trish was very upset. Then she hung up and pulled the younger woman into her arms. “He wanted me to come home last night,” Trish cried. “Why didn’t I just go?”

“Luv, you didn’t know!” Cindy said softly.

Tears streamed down Trish’s face as her aunt held her close. Trish tried to deny what Joe had told her, but Cindy wouldn’t let her. Eventually, she broke out screaming for her husband to come back to her. Joe Sr. came into the room, wondering what all the noise was about and saw Trish doubled over on the floor, pounding on it with her fists. He picked his niece up and carried her to her room, where Cindy gave the girl a sleeping pill to calm her down. Then Cindy sat with her as she fell into a tormented nightmare filled sleep.

Over the next three days, Joe and his band mates returned to Sheffield while Trish went back to London. She just wanted to be alone in the apartment they’d shared with her thoughts of Steve. To sleep in the bed they‘d shared with the pillows that still held his familiar scent. She drove back to Sheffield for his funeral and pulled into the graveyard with a hollow heart. Standing away from everyone, she cried silent tears for the man she’d come to love so deeply again in just a few short days.

Sav saw Trish and watched her cry, knowing just how she felt or so he thought. Steve had been one of his best friends, so his death was a blow to the whole band. And Trish had been a part of their family for a lot of years, laughing and joking with Steve even after their intimate relationship had ended. The two of them had always remained close, so Sav wasn’t surprised to see the anguished tears streaming down her face. But he was surprised at how distant she was. She kept herself isolated from everyone else at the ceremony.

When it was over, Sav walked up to her and put his arm over her shoulder. Trish didn’t even seem to notice he was there as they lowered her husband’s casket into the ground. “Trish, luv,” Sav said quietly. “Are you okay?”

She shook her head as the casket disappeared into the open grave. Only the shear force of her will kept her from throwing herself into the grave with him rather than bare the pain of his loss.

“Listen, luv, we’re all going back to Joe’s place after the funeral,” Sav said quietly. “Why don’t you come back with us?”

Shaking her head, she whispered, “No, I can’t.”

“Why not, luv?”

“I just can’t, Rick,” she answered evasively.

“Trish, luv, what’s going on?” Sav asked quietly, reaching out a gentle hand to touch her shoulder.

“How can you fucking asked that?” Trish cried, recoiling away from him. “He’s DEAD, Rick! I let him down and now he’s dead!” A sob tore from her, breaking what slight composure she’d managed to hold on to so far. She hugged herself tightly, shutting Sav out completely. He tried to pull her into his arms, only to be rebuffed as she moved away from him again. She closed her eyes, trying to shut out the scene in front of her as the cemetery workers moved to the side of Steve’s grave.

“Baby, why don’t you come away from here?” Sav asked finally.

“I’m not leaving him, Richard,” she said, her voice turning cold suddenly. “Maybe you should go back home with the others, let me deal with this by myself. This is between me and Steve, if you don’t mind.”

Puzzled by her icy demeanor through the pain she showed, Sav stepped away and said, “Well, I guess I’ll see you around then.” He walked back over to Joe’s side and the two friends talked in soft voices as Trish cried. People were leaving, heading off to different houses to remember Steve together, but Trish stayed where she was. Eventually, only Trish, Joe, Sav and Karla remained along with the gravediggers.

Joe came over to her side as the gravediggers started to work on filling in Steve’s plot. He heard a sob rip from her chest as the first shovel full of earth landed on the casket. “Trish, luv, you need to come away,” Joe said softly. He tried to pulled her away, but she shook him off and whispered, “I should have been there with him, Zeff. I’m not leaving him now.”

“Trish, you couldn’t have known,” Joe answered.

“I’m not leaving, Joseph,” she said flatly as the tears continued to roll down her face. Every shovel full of dirt was like another dagger in her broken heart as Joe gave up and walked back to his wife’s side.

When the gravediggers finished patting the earth back into place over his grave, Sav started to walk towards her, to make one last appeal for her to come back to Joe‘s with him. But Trish walked up to Steve’s headstone and laid a white rose on it, then took off running and crying, heading for her car. The car roared to life and she squealed out of the cemetery before Sav had a chance to catch her. Still crying, she pointed the car towards London and went home, where she collapsed down onto the bed, grabbed Steve’s pillow and sobbed herself to sleep.

Two months passed slowly in the studio as the band tried to pull themselves together after Steve’s death. Then, one day in late March, Joe got a call from his mother that he was needed at home. He left the band in the studio and went back, returning nearly a week later with no answers except that there was a family problem. Several times over the next six months, this pattern repeated itself.

Then, on a muggy August day as they worked in the studio, the phone rang and Rick answered it. “Hey, Joe, phone for you!” he called. “It’s your Mum!”

“Right there, mate!” Joe said loudly from the studio. He took off into the study to grab the call, leaving Phil and Sav working in the studio. When he returned, both men could tell something was very wrong. Sav looked up at him and said, “What happened, Joe?”

“There’s a problem back in Sheffield that Mum needs me to deal with,” Joe said quietly.

“Anything serious?” Phil asked quickly.

“She doesn’t know, just something about Trish,” Joe answered absently. He realized his mistake in mentioning Trish’s name as soon as Sav’s head snapped up.

“God, is she okay?” Sav asked in a very concerned voice.

Joe let out a sigh. He studied Sav’s face for a moment and knew that Sav still cared a great deal about Trish despite their break up and her coldness to him at Steve‘s funeral. His friend had tried to hide his feelings for her, but now that something was wrong it was crystal clear to Joe. Sav still loved her even after all their time apart.

“She doesn’t know, Sav,” Joe said finally. “I need to go down and find out.”

“I’m coming with you,” Sav said quickly as he started to put his bass away.

“You don’t have to do that,” Joe said suddenly, knowing Trish really couldn’t see him at that moment. She just wasn’t in the shape to deal with Sav right now.

“I want to make sure she’s okay, Joe,” Sav said, puzzled at Joe’s reaction. He had to know how Sav felt. They’d discussed her so many times, but Joe had stopped trying to get them back together and was even discouraging Sav from trying to see her now. “I’m going with you and that’s it!”

Joe slumped against the mixing board and let out a sigh. From the determined look on Sav’s face, Joe wasn’t going to be able to stop him. So he nodded slowly and said, “Let’s head out then. We can still catch the ferry across if we leave soon enough.”

Without another word, Sav stood up and took off for the car with Joe right behind him. The ride across the water was quiet, neither man much in the mood for small talk. Sav was lost in his thoughts of Trish, wondering if just maybe he’d be able to convince her to give him another chance after their year and a half apart. But for Joe, the silence was fraught with anxiety. He knew a good deal more about Trish’s situation than he’d let on to Sav and wondered how Sav would feel about it when he found out.

It was getting late when they made it into England, so Joe pulled in to a small hotel and they got a room for the night. As soon as they checked in and got to their room, Sav said, “Okay, Joe, tell me what the fuck is going on! I can tell you’re hiding something.”

Joe closed his eyes and sat down on the bed. What Sav needed to know wasn’t going to be pleasant for him to hear, Joe knew that much. Putting his head into his hands, Joe let out a long breath as Sav stood over him impatiently. As soon as Sav saw his face, he knew something was really wrong with Trish. He sat down in a chair facing Joe and said, “Please, tell me what’s going on!”

“Sav, she’s pregnant,” Joe said softly.

“WHAT?” Sav choked. “To who? When?”

“She won’t tell me anything about it,” Joe said with a shake of his head. “All I know is she’s about eight and a half months gone.”

“Who’s the father, Joe? You can’t tell me you don’t have any ideas,” Sav said angrily.

“I’m telling you, mate, she’s not talking about it,” Joe answered as patiently as he could. “All I know is she came back to Sheffield in March and told my Mum that she was expecting. And she asked if she could stay with Mum and Dad til the baby came. When I asked her about the father, she told me that she couldn’t talk about it.”

“You don’t think she was....” Sav couldn’t bring himself to voice the thought.

“Raped? I honestly don’t know, Sav,” Joe said quietly. “The thought has crossed my mind, but I’ve never been able to ask her that question.”

“So what’s happening now that has your Mum so worried about her?” Sav asked quickly.

“Well, Trish has taken to leaving the house in the morning and not coming back for several hours,” Joe answered. “When she could still drive, she used her car. But now, her stomach’s too big and she takes a taxi wherever it is she’s going to. At first, Mum thought it was good for her to get out of the house. But, especially lately, she says that Trish looks haggard and worn when she returns, like she’s spent the whole day crying. Mum’s worried that whatever it is that Trish isn’t telling us is finally eating away at the poor girl. So she wants me to come home and find out what’s going on. She’s going to try to delay Trish til I can follow her and find out where she’s going.”

“Jesus, if someone hurt her, I’ll kill him!” Sav said angrily. “Guess this explains why you stopped trying to talk her into coming back to me, huh?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, Sav,” Joe said softly. “She didn’t want you or anyone else to know about it.”

“I understand, Joe,” Sav answered. “Let’s hit the bed so we can get an early start, okay?”

“Yeah, good idea,” Joe said slowly.

Both men climbed into bed and Joe fell asleep rather quickly. Sav stared up at the ceiling, remembering the last time he’d seen Trish. It had been at Steve’s funeral. She’d stood away from everyone, not speaking even to Joe that day. He could still remember the silent tears running down her stony face, tears she didn’t even seem to notice as she’d stared at his casket. He’d tried to talk to her, but gotten such a cold response that he’d left her alone to watch after they’d lowered Steve into the ground. When the grave digger started to fill in his grave, Joe had gone over and tried to lead Trish away from there, but she insisted on staying. When Joe had come back, Sav asked him what was going on with her. All he could tell Sav was that she said she’d let Steve down. Exactly what she’d told Sav moments before. Sav had stood back and watched her, wanting to tell her that they all felt that way. But as soon as they finished working on his plot, she’d walked over and put a single white rose on his headstone then headed straight for her car. According to Joe, she’d left for London directly from the funeral. He’d tried to call her several times after that, but couldn’t get anything more than her answering service.

Turning over in the bed, Sav thought about what Joe had told him. What if she had been raped? That would explain her reluctance to talk about the baby’s father. When Sav finally managed to fall asleep, his nightmares were filled with images of his beloved Trish being hurt by some unnamed man without a face.

After a fitful night’s sleep, Sav woke at seven and gave up on resting any longer. He had to find out what was going on with Trish. He chivvied Joe up and into the car with only a bare moment to grab breakfast on the way out of the hotel.

They were about two miles from Joe’s parents when Joe called them on his mobile phone. His mother said she’d delayed Trish a bit, but that the girl had just called for a cab and he needed to hurry there. Joe nearly blew four stop signs getting to his parents’ place. Just as he was pulling on to their block, they saw a cab in front of the house. Trish hurried out of the building and climbed into the back of the vehicle, leaning forward to give the driver directions to her destination. She never once looked behind her as the car pulled away. Joe simply followed the cab as it made it’s way out of the city.

“Where the hell is she going?” Joe wondered aloud.

“I don’t know, mate,” Sav answered softly. “Shit, we’re going to pass the cemetery where Steve and Amanda are buried in a couple of miles! That’s odd, I was just thinking about the day of Steve’s funeral last night. It’s the last time I saw her...”

Joe turned to look at Sav as they came to the graveyard. Then the cab turned on it’s blinker, heading into the cemetery. “What the fuck is she doing here?” Joe asked, baffled by her destination. He pulled off to the side of the entrance to wait and see if she came back out in the cab. If she found out she was being followed, so be it, but they had to find out what she was doing. A few minutes later, the taxi pulled back out of the cemetery, empty. The two men looked at each other and Sav said, “I’ve got a very bad feeling about this. Let’s go find her.”

But before he’d finished speaking, Joe had already put the car into gear and started into the graveyard. “Where do I go from here? Any suggestions?” Joe asked quietly.

Sav let out the breath he’d been holding and said slowly, “This is just a thought, but head for Steve’s grave first.” As soon as they got within site of his grave, both men saw Trish kneeling down by his headstone. Joe pulled the car off the side of the drive and stopped the engine. They both got out and leaned against the car, wondering what to do next. From the shaking of Trish’s shoulders, she was obviously sobbing and Sav longed to try and comfort her. But instead, he stood with Joe and watched her. Eventually, worn out, Trish laid down in the grass over his grave, her back to the two men by the car.

The cemetery’s caretaker walked quietly up to them and followed the direction of their stare. “You blokes know her?” he asked softly.

“Yeah,” Joe answered. “She’s my cousin.”

“She does this everyday, so she must have been some fan,” the old man said quietly. “I guess that bloke was pretty famous, a musician or something.”

“She knew him,” Sav said in a voice near a whisper.

“Oh, well, that explains that then, huh?” the man said, his curiosity finally satisfied just as Joe and Sav’s peaked. “Guess he meant a lot to her, cuz she’s come out here almost every day for months now.”

Joe nodded. Trish and Steve’s relationship as lovers had been short lived before he’d met Lorelei, but they’d always stayed close friends. But Joe was still puzzled as to why she’d been coming here. As far as he knew, Trish hadn’t seen Steve for months before his death.

They heard a soft moan coming from the direction of the gravesite and Sav started towards where Trish lay. As he got closer, he could hear her still weeping. Coming up behind her, he saw her hand clutching at the grass that grew from the plot. Her face was buried in the ground as she whispered softly, talking to Steve, mumbling incoherent apologies that Sav didn’t understand. Then she moaned again, her free hand going to her swollen stomach. Looking down at her, he realized her skirt was soaked through with blood and fluid.

“JOE! She’s in labor!” Sav cried as he knelt down beside her. She refused to look up at him. Staring at the pictures on Steve’s headstone, she lay there and moaned as Sav picked her up. He cradled her against his body as he carried her over to the waiting car. Joe rushed over to his side as he slid into the back seat, still holding on to Trish’s unresisting body. “Get us to the hospital, Joe!” Sav said loudly.

“Will do!” Joe called as he made his way to the driver’s seat. He peeled out of the cemetery and drove as fast as he dared to the hospital while Sav tried to talk to Trish. “What have you been doing there, Trish?” Sav asked worriedly.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “It’s my fault he’s dead!”

“Trish, God, luv! It’s not your fault!” Sav said quickly, but she shook her head.

“I told him to go to sleep! If I’d gone ahead and driven back to London, he might still be alive!” she cried into his shoulder. Her body was wracked by sobs as another contraction tore into her.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Sav said, thoroughly confused. How could she be taking the blame for this on herself? And what did she mean by telling him to go to sleep? But she was crying too hard to give him any more answers. So he held on to her as Joe rushed them to the hospital.

As soon as they pulled in to the emergency room, Joe came around and helped Sav get her out of the car. The ER staff brought out a wheel chair and they hurriedly took her up to the maternity ward. Joe was supposed to be her Lamaze coach, so they let him in the room with her as soon as they got her settled in. After a few minutes, the nurse informed him that one other person was allowed to be in the room, so he went out and brought Sav in as well.

Sav took her hand and tried to talk to her as she stared off into space. He’d never seen her eyes look so vacant as her body struggled to free the child. Hours passed as Joe tried to tell her about the breathing exercises they’d learned in Lamaze. Between contractions, she closed her eyes and Sav saw silent tears running down her face. But still she was mute.

The contractions got harder and the doctor got her into position to push the baby out. Finally, as the pain tore through her body, Sav saw a change come over her face. Anger replaced the empty look in her eyes. She stared off into space and screamed, “DAMN YOU!”

“What? Trish, who are you talking to?” Sav said in confusion.

She slumped back into the bed as the contraction passed and Sav tried to get an answer out of her. But another contraction ripped through her and she yelled, “DAMN YOU FOR DYING, YOU SON OF A BITCH!”

“Who, Trish?” Sav asked.

“STEVE!” she cried. “He died on me!”

“Trish, what are you talking about?” Joe said finally.

“He was supposed to be here with me! He should have seen this baby being born,” she said as she lay back weakly in the bed.

“Why, luv?” Sav asked softly. “What are you saying....”

“Because,” she gasped as another contraction hit. “It’s his baby!”

Joe and Sav looked at each other, stunned. Sav slumped away from her as thoughts raced through his mind. Trish? Having Steve’s baby? How had that happened? But there was no more time for questions as the doctor cried, “I can see the baby’s head, Trish! You’ve got to keep pushing! Bear down hard with the next contraction!”

Sav grabbed her hand tightly as she pushed down on the child within her. The doctor called out encouragement as the baby’s shoulder started to clear her body. “Come on, Trish, we’re almost there!”

“You can do it, Trish!” Joe said as he took her other hand.

“Not much longer now, baby!” Sav said quietly. The shoulders slipped from her body, followed quickly by the rest of the body. Trish heard the child start to squall as the doctor said, “It’s a girl, Trish! You’ve got a beautiful baby girl!”

Tears slid down Trish’s face as they laid the child on her chest. She ran her hand over the child’s head, whispering, “I’m sorry, little lady. I’m sorry your daddy isn’t here.” Then Trish held the child tightly to her chest and let her sobs come. She barely noticed as they took the child to give her that first check up while she passed the afterbirth. Once they had her settled back into the bed, they brought her daughter back to her to nurse for the first time.

“Trish,” Joe said quietly. “Why didn’t you tell me she was Steve’s?”

“It hurt too much to talk about him,” she whispered as she looked down at the baby.

“Can you tell us about it now?” Joe asked softly.

She nodded and said, “I went to London after I left you. I just had to get away from everything. New Year’s Eve, I got invited to this party by a friend of mine and Steve was there. He was really messed up that night, completely pissed and coked out. I ended up taking him back to my place, cuz he wasn’t in any shape to drive home or give me directions. I put him in my bed, cuz it was the only place there really was to sleep other than the couch, then I crawled in with him. Just to sleep. When he woke up the next morning, we talked for hours. He was so lonely, so frightened. He was afraid he’d get fired from the band, that he’d let you down. Only that just made his drinking worse. He talked about Janie, his girlfriend. I guess she was using as much as he was and that just made it easier for him to keep going. Anyway, we ended up back in bed and he asked to stay with me. I knew things were over between me and Sav, so I told him he could. On one condition. He had to make an honest effort to clean himself up. And he tried. He didn’t do coke once while he was with me, that’s why there wasn’t any in his system when he died. But I had to go out of town, just for a couple of days. When I called him the night of the seventh, he started crying. He’d been drinking bad again, saying he was afraid I wasn’t coming back to him. I told him I’d be back on the ninth, that I’d see him then. I promised I’d see him then. Then I told him to go to sleep, to sleep off the booze. If I’d just gone ahead and gone back that night, he’d probably still be alive!” Tears came down her face in a torrent as she said, “The next day, you called and told me he was dead. I was numb, I just couldn’t believe it. I cared about Steve a lot and I let him down.” She couldn’t go on any more, just let her tears take her as the child nursed at her breast.

Taking her hand, Joe looked down at her with tears of his own. It hurt to know that Steve had been so close to making it. He looked over at Sav and saw him crying as well. Turning back to her, he said gently, “Luv, you didn’t have any way of knowing what was going to happen that night. Steve was drunk so often, how could you possibly know this was the one night it was going to be fatal? You’re not psychic and you’re not a doctor. There’s just no way you could tell how much he had in his system!”

“But I should have just gone, Zeff!” she cried. “He needed me that night, don’t you understand? He was trying so fucking hard to clean up for me, but he was afraid of losing me! And that’s what killed him!”

“Trish, luv, Steve’s insecurity killed him, not you, not his wanting to be with you, none of that,” Joe said softly. “And there was nothing you could have done about that in such a short period of time. Maybe if the two of you had been together longer, he wouldn’t have fallen down again so badly. But Steve never had any confidence in himself. God, how many times did we nearly have to drag him onstage because his stagefright was so bad? He never felt he was good enough and that was something you just didn’t have time to change. You can’t blame yourself, luv!”

“But I do,” she whispered softly. Looking down at her child, she realized the baby was sound asleep in her arms and let the nurse take her away to the nursery. Then she turned her back on Sav and stared out the window, letting her tears fall as they would. Through all his hurt, Sav knew this wasn’t the time to deal with his own issues. Trish had just delivered a child and really wasn’t in the shape to deal with his pain. He rubbed his hand over her back and said, “Trish, I’ll always be there for you, you know that? And I’ll always be there for that little girl, too.”

Joe could see her eyes close and decided to leave them alone now that the baby was delivered. He went into the waiting area and found his mother and father waiting anxiously for news. “She had a beautiful baby girl, Mum.”

“How is she, Joseph?” his mother asked quietly.

“Physically, they’re both doing fine, but Trish is an emotional wreck,” Joe sighed.

“Did you find out where she’d been going all this time?” his mother probed.

Joe sat down next to her and said, “She’d been going out to Steve’s grave, Mum. The baby is his. And she’s blaming herself for his death. I guess they got involved just before he died and she’s still taking him dying very hard. Somehow I think Trish has got a long road ahead of her before she ever gets back on her feet.”

“God help the poor child,” she murmured quietly, knowing far more about Trish’s relationship with Steve than her son did. Then she looked to heaven almost as if she was really praying.

Joe took them back to the nursery, where they saw Trish and Steve’s daughter. The nurse brought the baby up to the window and Joe Sr. looked down at her, saying, “She’s a pretty little dear, isn’t she?”

“As beautiful as her mother,” Joe said as he looked at his father. “I hate to say this, but I really don’t think it’s a good idea for anybody to go see Trish right now. There may only be one person who can help pull her out of this and he’s in there with her now.” Then Joe stopped to think for a moment. “Or maybe there is someone else who could do her some good. I’ll be back, I need to make a phone call!” Then he took off for the nearest pay phone at a run.

Sav sat with Trish all that night, listening to her intermittent sobs as she tossed in a fitful sleep. She never cheered up at all, not even when the nurses brought the baby in to her to nurse. As soon as the baby was back to sleep, she called the nurse to come back and take her away. Then she curled back up into a ball and started to cry again until she was asleep. Sav took up a chair close to her and slept restlessly as he stood watch over her.

The next morning, just after breakfast, Joe came in and said, “Trish, you’ve got a visitor.”

Phil walked into the room and went straight to Trish’s side. Taking her hand, he made her look up at him and said, “Trish, luv, don’t tear yourself apart like this!”

“I let him die, Phil!” she whispered.

“YOU had nothing to do with it,” he answered quickly. “Steve did this to himself and he had been for a very long time. But I’ll tell you one thing right fucking now, luv. I talked to him the Sunday before he died and it was the first time I’d heard him happy in a long time. He told me he’d found the girl he’d always dreamed about in the past few days. He was so frightened, cuz he hadn’t been happy in a long time. He didn’t remember how to be, to tell the truth. But he WAS and he didn’t want to lose that girl. When I talked to him, he said that he’d given up coke and was gonna go back into rehab and really try for once.”

“Then I left him alone,” she murmured. “If I’d been there...”

“You don’t know that, Trish,” Phil said quietly. “He may have slid back even while you WERE there. If you’d had a fight, or anything, it would have had the same result. Or it could have been a fight with his Dad that caused that final night. Steve was my best friend, so I knew him pretty damn well. The man didn’t believe he was ever good enough for anyone.”

“He was, Phil,” she cried softly.

“We know that, he didn’t,” Phil told her as Rick came into the room and stood in the doorway. “And I’ll tell you something I’ve never told anyone, not even the rest of the band. I talked to him that night, too. I thought he was just on another bender. One just like all the rest. He even mentioned the damn painkillers to me and it didn’t click that he was in danger. He kept saying he was so tired, but he had to wait for his new girl to call before he went to sleep. And, like a dumb ass, I told him that sleep was probably the best thing for him right then.” Trish’s head snapped up and she peered at Phil, realizing he’d made the same mistake she had. There were tears in Phil’s eyes as he said, “I’ve lived with the guilt of that ever since.”

Trish pulled Phil into her arms and they sat there and cried for a long while as the rest of the band watched with misty eyes. Slowly, Trish’s tears faded and she looked around the room, seeing each of the members of Steve’s family. Joe was leaning against the wall, staring up at the ceiling and trying to hold back tears of his own. Rick’s eyes were full of sympathy as he looked out the window. Then she saw Sav sitting next to the bed, waiting patiently for her to even notice he was there.

Sav couldn’t help but think about his own daughter at that moment. He hadn’t had time to really think about anything up until then because he’d been too worried about Trish. But now, as she seemed to be coming around, his mind wandered back to that day a year and a half ago when he’d held Amanda’s tiny body for that short while.

Trish could see it in his eyes as they misted over. Amanda had been on her mind for months, ever since she’d found out she was pregnant again. Her Aunt Cindy had to call Joe back from Ireland to take Trish to her ultrasound because Trish had been so terrified. She’d cried huge tears of relief when the doctor told her that this baby was completely normal. No spinal defects at all. When her eyes met Sav’s, he saw her tears as well and reached for her hand without a word.

Phil nodded as he saw their hands meet, hoping Sav could assuage Trish’s guilty conscious. He’d spent a lot of nights crying in Jacki’s arms, wondering if he could have done anything to save his best friend. But Jacki told him over and over that there was nothing he’d been able to do.

Rounding up the others, Phil got them out of the room and left Sav alone with Trish again. Sav looked at Trish and said, “Looks like you’re going to be a mum after all, luv.”

Nodding, Trish said, “I just wish Steve would have lived to see her. He wanted a family so bad. One that wasn’t like his.”

“I’m glad you and Steve found each other,” Sav whispered, though his mind screamed otherwise. “I think he needed someone like you.”

“He did,” she answered quietly. “And I needed him, too. I missed you so much, but I could forget that pain while I was with Steve. And, I guess, his problems took my mind off Amanda as well.”

“That was something I just couldn’t do then, could I?” he asked softly, looking away from her.

“No, Sav, you couldn’t,” she said honestly. “Every time I looked at you, I thought of our daughter. I just couldn’t let go of her.”

“But now, what are you going to do? You’ve got a little girl that needs all of you here, not part of you in Amanda’s grave and the other part in Steve’s,” Sav asked.

“I don’t know yet, Rick,” she said quietly.

“Come back to Ireland with us,” Sav answered. Before she could protest, he said, “You don’t have to stay with me, you can go to Joe’s house. But you need to get out of Sheffield and let Steve rest in peace. Crying over him everyday isn’t going to bring him back and it’s no good for his little girl either.”

“I’ll think about it,” she said thoughtfully. “But I’m so tired right now, I think I’ll just go back to sleep until they bring the baby back in again.”

“Then rest well, luv,” he said, leaning over and kissing her on the forehead. He got up and walked out to where the others waited as she settled back in to sleep again.

Trish could feel the dew of the grass as she woke on a lonely hillside. Looking up, she saw the marker of Steve’s grave looming large above her and a tear ran down her face. Standing further down the aisle, looking down at Amanda’s lot with tears of his own, was Sav. She jumped when she heard a familiar voice from behind her.

“Trish, my love, what are you doing to yourself?”

Spinning around, she saw Steve watching her with worried eyes. She threw herself into his arms and said, “God, Steve, I’ve missed you so much!”

“It’s time to let me go, luv,” Steve said softly. “I’m gone and as much as I hated leaving you and Stephanie alone, I didn’t have any choice.”

“Stephanie?” Trish asked.

“Our little girl,” Steve said with a smile. “That’s what you’re going to name her, right?”

“I hadn’t even really thought about her name yet,” Trish said with a sigh.

“Well, I love it,” he chuckled.

“Then Stephanie it is,” she said, smiling back up into his loving eyes. Steve took both her hands in his and said, “Don’t shut Sav out again, luv. You two need each other now.”

“I don’t know, Steve,” she said quickly. “So much has gone wrong between us and I just don’t know if I can forget you or Amanda.” She looked around and saw a small girl playing in the distance.

“Amanda is fine, Trish,” Steve smiled. “She’s been with me ever since I got here. I wish I could let Sav know I’m looking out for his little girl, but he’s forbidden to me. I want him to watch out for my daughter, too, Trish. He’s a father that lost his daughter and Stephanie is a child without a father, much to my regret. They’re a perfect match.”

“What about me, Steve?” she said tearfully. “I lost you too.”

“And I’ll be waiting here for you when your time comes, Trish,” Steve assured her. “You and Sav and all the others. But for now, you need to go on living and loving. You can’t die with me, Trish. Stephanie needs you and so does that man over there. As much as I ever did.” He looked down at the ground and whispered, “Baby, I’m sorry I didn’t believe in you! If I had, I’d have been able to see my baby grow up, to be with you now instead of haunting through your dreams.”

“I tried so hard for you to believe me,” she said tearfully. “Maybe I just didn’t try hard enough...”

“Trish, don’t,” Steve answered forcefully. “This wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I know there’s no way to make it up to you now, but I wanted you to know how sorry I was.” He looked around, hearing some call that Trish couldn’t. Wrapping her in his embrace, he whispered, “Time’s always short here, luv, but I want you to know that I died loving you!”

“I love you, too, Steve,” she cried into his shoulder.

“Don’t forget me, Trish,” he whispered.

Sav came back into her hospital room and saw the tears running down Trish’s sleeping face. Fearing she was having another nightmare, he reached out and shook her gently. As her eyes fluttered open, she started crying in earnest and Sav didn’t know what to do other than just holding her.

“He was with me,” she cried.

“Steve?” Sav asked quietly.

She nodded and said, “I miss him so much Sav. I don’t know what to do without him.”

“You’ll go on living, just like the rest of us have had to,” he whispered into her dark hair. Pulling back, he said, “Was it a nightmare, luv?”

“No, it was, well, just what I needed to hear from him,” she said with a small slow smile. “A bit of a kick up the backside, but very gently.”

“Yeah, I can’t imagine Steve giving anyone a rough kick,” he said with a smile. “It just wasn’t in his nature.”

“No, he was so sweet and shy,” Trish said thoughtfully, momentarily lost in her memories. “He said Amanda was with him, that he was looking out for her now. And he wanted you to look out for Stephanie.”

“Is that going to be her name, luv?” Sav asked quietly

She nodded, saying, “Steve liked it.”

“It’s a perfect tribute to her father,” Sav said softly. “And I’ll always watch out for Stephanie, no matter where you are and who you’re with.”

Trish thought of saying more, of telling him about Steve’s insistence that they belonged together again, but the time just didn’t seem right. But she finally said softly, “I’d like to come to Ireland with you, if the invitation is still open?”

“Of course it is, luv,” he said with a smile. “I’d love to have you and the baby stay with me for as long as you like.”

“Thanks, Rick,” she said softly. “You’re right about one thing. It’s time to get away from Steve and Amanda. Steve said as much to me.” He put a gentle hand to her face and said, “Welcome back to the world of the living, Trish.”

A young nurse appeared in the doorway, holding the baby as she asked quietly, “Ms. Elliott, are you ready to feed her again?”

“Yeah, bring her over,” Trish said with the first smile Sav had seen on her face. Snuggling the child in against her breast, Trish ran her hand over the white blond fuzz on her head and said, “Hello, Stephanie.”

“Stephanie Elliott?” Sav asked quietly. “Any middle name, luv?”

“Stephanie Elliott Clark, actually, for her daddy,” Trish answered softly. Looking up to the ceiling, she whispered so softly that Sav couldn‘t hear, “I love you, Steve.” And somewhere deep in her soul, she felt him answer that he still loved her too.

Trish was released from the hospital two days later. Sav and Joe took her back to her aunt and uncle’s house to gather her things and get ready for the trip back to Ireland. The rest of the band had already gone back and were waiting on them to return.

Packing her things slowly, Trish looked up and found Sav staring down at a picture she’d kept next to the bed. He picked it up and looked over at her thoughtfully. Then he said, “Trish, when was this taken?”

“What is it?” she asked quietly, though she already knew the answer.

“It’s you and Steve and some other bloke standing in front of the two of you,” he said softly. He handed the picture to Joe, then turned back to Trish for an answer. Taking a deep breath, she sat down heavily on the bed and said, “It was taken almost a week before he died. At our wedding.”

“Wedding?” Joe said with narrowed eyes. She heard the sharp intake of Sav’s breath and watched as he sat down hard in a chair across from her.

“You and Steve?” Sav said incredulously. “You got married?”

Trish nodded quietly as Joe burst out, “Why didn’t either of you tell us?”

“He wanted to get married before he left for rehab,” she answered quietly. “We were going to tell everyone when he got back.”

“Only he never made it back,” Joe whispered.

“No, he didn’t,” she said as a tear welled up in her eye. “The only people who knew were his parents and Aunt Cindy. We swore them to secrecy, so that we’d be able to tell everyone else. We didn’t want anyone finding out second hand. Especially not you, Sav.” Seeing the shock in Sav’s eyes, she whispered, “After he was gone, I didn’t want to talk about him at all. It hurt far too much.”

“You could have at least told me, Trish,” Joe said with a touch of hurt in his voice.

“No, I couldn’t,” she whispered. “Just saying his name hurt too much to bear.”

“So you really did get over us,” Sav said absently.

“No,” she answered in a tear filled voice. “But there was no going back to the way we’d been before and Steve needed me. I couldn’t let him down, even if I did in the end. But I couldn’t forget you either.” Sav looked up at her uncertainly, thinking he didn’t even really know her anymore.

“Why’d you do it, if you couldn’t forget me?” Sav asked quietly and she could feel the hurt surfacing in his voice.

“I loved him, too, Rick,” she whispered. “Maybe I always did. I was always torn between the two of you, and there was nothing I could do about it.” Sav got up without another word and took off out the door, leaving Joe staring after him as tears came to Trish’s eyes.

“Joe, maybe I should just stay here,” she whispered. “I don’t want to hurt him anymore.”

“Stay with me and Karla for a while at least, Trish,” he said softly. “I’m sure Sav will come around.”

“Maybe he shouldn’t,” she answered. “It might be better for him to be able to move on with his life now.”

He picked up her bags and said, “Come on, Trish, you’re going for your own good. Whether you and Sav work things out or not. You’ve got to get away from Sheffield.”

“I can always go back to London,” she answered. Thinking for a long moment, she whispered, “Matter of fact, that sounds like a good idea. Think you can get me there?”

“Don’t do this, Trish,” Joe said quietly. “Don’t punish him anymore for the past.”

“I’m releasing him from it, Joe,” she answered. “Now, will you help me, or do I have to do this on my own?”

Joe’s head sank to his chest as he said, “You know I’d never leave you and Steph on your own. But will you at least let him know where you’re going to be this time?”

Nodding, she said softly, “But I’m not going back with you. I can see it in his eyes, finding out Steve and I were married really hurt him.”

“Let’s get on the road then,” Joe answered. Trish picked up Stephanie and let Joe lead her out to the car. As soon as they came out of the door, she saw Sav sitting on the hood smoking a cigarette. He refused to even look at her.

“Sav, I’m not going to Dublin tonight, so you may want to catch a flight over,” Joe said quickly.

“Oh, where are you going?” Sav asked absently.

“I’m taking Trish and the baby to her flat in London,” he answered, watching Sav to gage his reaction. Turning his head slowly towards Trish, he said, “You don’t have to run away on my account, Trish. I guess you just caught me off guard.”

“It’s better this way, Rick,” Trish said as she looked down into her daughter’s sleepy blue eyes. Every time Trish saw those eyes, she saw Steve again. “Joe, I need to make a stop before we leave Sheffield. At Wisewood.”

“Don’t ask me to take you there,” Joe said slowly. “You’re only going to tear yourself apart again.”

“I want him to see his daughter before I leave, Joe,” she said flatly. “If you won’t take me, I’ll get a lift, but I’m going.”

“I’ll drive,” Sav said suddenly. He slid behind the wheel before Joe could protest any further. Trish got into the backseat and left the passenger seat to Joe. The ride to the cemetery was silent as they drove through the country side. They pulled into the cemetery and Joe said, “Trish, this is a bad idea, okay?”

“Joe, just leave me alone with Steve for a little while, okay?” she answered. “I need to do this.”

“Let her go,” Sav said as he got out of the car. He refused to look at Trish and he didn’t head for Steve’s grave. Walking further down by a few rows, he stopped in front of the small headstone that marked his daughter’s plot. Sav had managed to avoid coming here since Steve’ funeral and even then he’d not gone to Amanda’s grave. Trish watched him kneel slowly by the marker and run his hand over the cold stone as a tear started to fall down his cheek. She wanted to go to him, to comfort him in some way, but she had something else she had to do first.

Walking slowly over to Steve’s grave, Trish bent down and held Stephanie out towards the stone. The child’s cloudy eyes fell on his picture and Trish could have sworn the baby smiled at it. “Steve, my love,” she whispered. “I’m leaving for a while, but I wanted you to see Stephanie first. She’s so beautiful, Steve. Thank you for giving her to me before you left.” Her hand went out to the hard stone as she whispered, “I miss you, baby. I love you. Goodbye for now, Steve.”

Then she got up and walked to her older daughter’s place in the lawn. Joe had his hand on Sav’s shoulder as Sav wept. Kneeling beside him, she said quietly, “Amanda, this is your sister, Stephanie. I wish you were here, my little love. Stay with Steve, for Mommy, please? I love you, Amanda.”

Sav looked up at Trish, his blue eyes shining through his tears as he said, “You won’t forget her now that you’ve got Steve’s daughter to take care of, will you?”

“I could never forget her, Rick,” she answered softly. “Every time I look at Stephanie, or you, I still see those pretty little eyes looking up at me. But it’s time to move on now, time to live again. For the first time, I can see it.” She wiped away his tears and said, “Not time to forget, time to remember and still manage to live.” Kissing him gently on the forehead, she got up and moved away, walking back to the car. Sav’s eyes followed her, then he bent and kissed his daughter’s marker before rising and going to the car himself.

The ride to London was quiet, as Trish slept in the backseat with her daughter in her arms. Joe tried to get Sav to talk, but got only one word answers in return. Eventually, he laid his head back and just left Sav to drive. When they reached the outskirts of the city, Sav woke Trish quietly to find out the directions to her flat.

They arrived and Joe took Trish and the baby up while Sav waited in the car. He just couldn’t bring himself to say that goodbye again. When Joe came down, he looked at Sav thoughtfully and sat quietly down. As they pulled away, he finally said, “Sav, you know she needs us.”

“I know,” he answered slowly. “And I need her too. And Stephanie as well. But she has to believe that. And to be honest, I need a little time to adjust to what she told me. I can’t believe she was really married to Steve. I guess it’s really thrown me to find that out.”

Joe just nodded as Sav pointed the car towards the ferry back to Ireland. There was nothing else he could do.

Christmas seemed to sneak up on the men working away in the studio as they tried to get their new album ready. The week before the holiday, Rick and Phil went back to the States with their families and left Sav and Joe in Ireland. Alone in his big house on New Year‘s Day, Sav couldn’t seem to get his mind off Trish and her little girl. They were like an ache he couldn’t get rid of. He’d stayed away from Trish, trying to get his mind straight with his music. But it just wasn’t working.

He laid down on his bed New Year‘s night, his thoughts of Trish and Stephanie, Steve and Amanda. Some how, the four of them were always there with him now. As he drifted off to sleep, his last thought was of the woman he’d left in London four months before.

It was bitter cold outside that night, but somehow the temperature didn’t bother him as he walked in his backyard. Daylight seemed to have broken into his sleep as he wandered through the garden and looked out over the sea.

“Daddy!” a small voice called. He looked up and saw a girl with long dark curls and his eyes running towards him.

“Amanda, luv!” he chastised, “You’ll catch a death of cold out here.”

“Hardly,” he heard a chuckle come from behind him. “That’s not something we have to worry about here.” Sav spun around and found himself face to face with Steve.

“Amanda, sweetheart?” Steve said softly. “Can you go out there and play? I need to have a few words with your father.” The child nodded, her eyes full of more understanding than any child should have as she turned and skipped away from the two men.

“What’s going on here, Steve?” Sav said uncertainly.

“We need to talk and I don’t care how many fucking rules I’m breaking to do it,” Steve said seriously. “What the hell are you doing to Trish?”

“What?” Sav asked in a confused voice.

“You fucking left her and my little girl alone, you bloody bastard,” Steve said crossly. He got up and towered over Sav as he said, “All I asked of you was that you look out for them and you were too fucking selfish to even do that. All because Trish actually loved me too.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Sav asked angrily. “Forget that she married you? I can’t!” He started to move away, but Steve grabbed him by his collar and hauled him to his feet.

“You had her love for how many years when it was all I ever wanted?” Steve hissed. “I had her to myself for one fucking week, Savage. That’s all the happiness I got in my miserable existence. One fucking week and you’re going to hold that against her forever?”

“Get off me,” Sav said, trying to break Steve’s grip on his shirt. But Steve hung on tightly and said angrily, “I had to watch her with you for six years, Savage! Six fucking very long years.”

“It wasn’t my fault, Steve,” Sav answered defensively. Then he felt himself fly through the air as Steve pushed him to the ground.

“I watched her love you, watched the good times you had together, saw everything in your life that she didn’t!” Steve yelled. “I saw how you broke her heart when you cheated on her. But she forgave you, didn’t she?”

Sav nodded mutely, more surprised at this outburst than afraid of Steve getting violent. “How many times did she not find out about?” Steve asked, his voice coming back under control once more. “But you’re going to begrudge her that one week of being happy with me? You don’t fucking deserve her, Savage. What you haven’t seen is how lost she is now. I CAN‘T BE THERE FOR HER ANYMORE! And that’s more painful than any hell I could ever be in! But you can and you won’t do it! All because of what?”

Sav closed his eyes and heard Steve whisper, “All because it wounds your pride to think she loved us both. Get over it, mate. It’s not like she’s gonna run off with me or something. I’m dead, but she’s not. I’ll tell you this much though. She’s hurting and when she hurts, I do.” He turned away from Sav and said, “She needs you now. Think about it, Sav. Don’t let her down.”

Sav woke with a start. Looking around his bedroom, he realized he’d been dreaming the whole encounter with Steve. But Steve’s words had hit a nerve. Knowing he still loved Trish, how had Sav managed to live without her now? He was packing his suitcase for London just as the sun broke over the horizon.

There was a knock on the door just as Stephanie woke from her afternoon nap. Trish looked around, trying to figure out which one to get first. So she hollered, “Just a minute!” as she walked back and grabbed Stephanie up from her crib. Then she headed over and opened the door and stepped back in surprise when she found Sav leaning on the door frame.

“Rick? What are you doing here?” she gasped.

“Hello to you too, Trish,” he said with a weak smile. “Can I come in?”

“Sorry, sure, come in,” she stammered as she tried to quiet the fussy child. “Have a seat.”

Sav sat down on the couch as Trish went to the rocking chair and said, “I’m sorry, she just woke up and she’s hungry. I’ve got to let her nurse or she’ll never stop crying.”

“Go ahead,” he answered with a nervous smile. “Don’t let me stop you.”

“Okay,” she said quietly as she opened her blouse. Settling Stephanie at her breast, she looked around and said, “Can you hand me that blanket, Rick? Then I can cover her up.”

“Trish, you don’t need to do that, luv,” Sav answered softly. “It’s not like I’ve never seen you before.”

Nodding slowly, she looked up at him with eyes filled with a slight fear. Why had he come here, she wondered. After four months of not even speaking to her, she believed he’d finally gotten on with his life. So she was surprised when Sav got up and knelt down by her feet, looking up at her with pleading in his eyes.

“Can you ever forgive me for being such an ass?” Sav asked quietly.

Confused, she looked down at him and said, “What are you talking about, Rick?”

“I couldn’t forget about Steve, Trish,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“I can’t forget him either, but he’s gone now,” she said as a tear fell down her cheek. “I’ve got to live again, even if I’m not sure how. For Stephanie.”

“I know that now, luv,” he answered. “Steve knocked some sense into me.”

“What?” she asked, still baffled by what he was saying.

“I had...nevermind, it’s not important,” he laughed. “What is important is that I still love you, Trish. Give a fool another chance?” He took her hand and kissed it tenderly as she stared down at him in surprise.

Trish closed her eyes, wondering if she’d slipped into some kind of dream again. She almost expected to see Steve smiling down at the two of them. This was what he wanted for her now that he was gone, she was sure of it. Opening her eyes, she looked down at Sav and said, “There’s something you need to see before this goes any further. Steve gave me something to keep for him just before we got married. He was afraid Janie might sell them or destroy them when she found out about us.”

Laying the baby gently in her playpen, Trish motioned for Sav to follow her back to her bedroom. She turned on the light and headed for a closet on the far side of the room.

“One of them, I’m keeping for Stephanie. So she has something that meant a lot to her father,” Trish explained. “But the other two, well, I want you to have one and Phil to take the other.” Then she pulled out a guitar case and laid it on the bed. It was followed by two other cases and Sav gasped as he recognized the case of the Razor.

“God, you’ve had these all along?” he whispered. “Nobody knew what happened to them! There were only two guitars left when his parents got to his house and changed the locks on Janie!”

“I know all about that,” she whispered. “Steve, well, he must have been afraid something would happen to him. The day we got married, he went straight to his solicitor and changed his will. He left everything to me. The house, the guitars, his money, everything. Only, when Beryl and Barrie got to his place, a lot of stuff was gone. I let them give the last two guitars to his brother. And the Razor, I’m keeping for Stephanie when she grows up.” Leaning over, she opened the case of one, a black Gibson with white edging, and said, “I want you to have this one. The white one is for Phil.” She handed the black guitar to Sav and tears sprang into his eyes as his hands ran over its smooth finish.

“I don’t know what to say, Trish,” he whispered.

“Just take it and use it well,” she answered softly.

“I will,” he whispered. Then he looked up at Trish with gleaming eyes as he asked, “Trish, please, come back to Ireland. You can stay with Joe if you want, but I just can’t stand you being so far away from me!”

“I’d rather not intrude on Joe’s life right now,” she said with a frown. “He and Karla seem to be having enough problems already without me in the way.”

“Well, that’s true,” he answered softly. Then he whispered, “You could stay with me. I promise, no strings attached.”

Looking deep into his blue eyes, she smiled slightly and said, “Are you sure?”

“I want the two of you to come home with me, Trish,” he answered. “I’ve never wanted anything more than that.”

“Then we will,” she said softly. He took her hands into his and said, “Trish, you won’t be sorry, I promise you that.” He kissed her quickly and said, “I still love you, baby.”

“Thought you said no strings attached,” she said with a smile. “That sounds a little stringy to me....”

He slumped down, afraid he was losing her all over again. Then he heard the soft tinkling of her laugh as she said, “I love you, too, Rick. I just need some time, okay?”

“You’ve got all the time you need,” he said hopefully. “Now let’s get the baby and go home!”

“Let me get our stuff together and we’ll be ready to head out,” Trish answered with a small smile. Pulling her suitcases out of the closet, she started carefully loading the baby’s things into one. While she packed, Sav wandered out into the living room and stared down at Steve’s daughter. The baby’s clear blue eyes studied the man standing over her and a brief, uncertain smile flitted over the child’s features. Sav’s heart went out to the little fatherless angel laying there. He picked her up and felt her fingers tangle through his long hair, tugging roughly at it. Settling down in the rocking chair, Sav crooned softly to the baby and she relaxed in his arms as though she’d known him all her short life. The baby fell back to sleep as Sav drowsed in the comfortable chair.

Trish finished her packing, then made her way into the living room. A broad smile came over her face as she caught sight of Sav and Stephanie sleeping together. Setting her cases down quietly by the door, she went into the kitchen and gathered up the baby’s food and formula. Then she threw out any food that would go bad quickly, so it wouldn’t start stinking up the apartment before she could come back there. The baby bottles and dishes were gathered up next and put out with the rest of their things. As she finally broke down the folding playpen, Sav’s eyes opened and he watched her quietly.

As she set the playpen by the door, she looked over and caught him looking at her. Smiling, she crossed the room and gently brushed the hair back from his forehead as she asked, “Ready to go, luv?”

“Whenever you are,” Sav sighed, looking down at the child sleeping contently against him. Trish took the baby from him and managed to get the sleeping child into her snowsuit without waking her. Slipping the baby into her carrier, Trish and Sav quickly loaded all her things into Sav’s car, then put the baby in. Before Trish got into the car, she looked up at Sav and said, “I have a stop to make on the way to Ireland.”

“Where’s that?” Sav asked curiously as he pulled his coat closed around his body.

“Wisewood,” Trish answered softly.

Caught off guard, Sav let out a sigh and said, “I guess I should have expected that, huh?”

“I have to, Rick,” she whispered. “It would have been our anniversary today and I just can’t let him be there all alone.”

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and said, “I can accept that, baby.” Looking back up at her, he said quietly, “I realize now how important Steve was to you. I couldn’t let myself see it before, because I had my own little insecurities to deal with. I know now that the two of you, well, you needed each other over the years. Hell, if it hadn’t been for Steve’s support, I would have lost you back during the last tour.”

“That’s true,” she said calmly. The pain of his infidelity was long passed now, so she could look back without the tears she’d once shed. Somehow, even with all his problems, Steve had known she’d belonged with Sav then. Just, as it seemed, she did now.

As the car pulled into the Wisewood cemetery, Trish looked at Sav and said, “You don’t have to come with us. But I want to take the baby to see her father.”

“Trish,” Sav whispered quietly. “I know I don’t have to. But I want to. If for no other reason than to thank him for being there when you needed him. And for me when I needed my head put back on straight.”

“What are you talking about?” Trish said with a puzzled frown on her face. “That’s the second time you’ve referred to him that way....”

“Time to come clean, huh?” he laughed as he parked the car and shut it off. “Last night, I went to bed thinking about you and Steve, and Stephanie and Amanda. All of you have been chasing through my thoughts a lot lately. Anyway, when I fell asleep, I had this dream about him and some of the things he said, well, they made me realize how stupid I was being. That I just couldn’t live without you any more.”

“So, that’s why you came here today?” she said with a small smile.

“Yeah,” he said sheepishly, not daring to look at her. “It made me feel like a complete fool, hearing what he had to say.”

“Why?”

“Cuz you’d forgiven me for so much, but I was holding your relationship with him against you,” he answered honestly. “I was wrong for that and I’m sorry...”

“Rick, luv, you don’t need to apologize for it,” she said, laying her hand over his. “Though it’s nice to hear, I have to admit. But somehow I think the time it took you to get over it was what I needed to move on.”

Taking her hand, he said, “I’m glad you’ve had the time you needed, baby.”

“Let’s go,” she sighed, giving his hand a squeeze before getting out of the car. She leaned into the back seat and pulled the sleeping baby from her car seat, then waited for Sav to join her before heading for Steve’s grave. Sav tucked the baby’s blanket around her small body, then slipped his arm over Trish’s shoulders, pulling her towards Steve’s plot.

Rather then kneel down on the snow covered ground, Trish leaned over and briefly uncovered Stephanie’s face, whispering, “Happy Anniversary, luv. Stephanie’s so beautiful! I just wish you were here to see her!”

“He’s watching over her now,” Sav said tenderly. “And you.”

“All of us,” Trish replied as she recovered the baby against the biting January wind. Waiting for her tears to begin, he was surprised to see Trish smile instead. She looked up at him and said, “Let’s go see Amanda while we’re here.”

“Are you sure you’re ready to leave him?” Sav asked quietly.

“It’s time, luv,” she said gently. “He wouldn’t mind, I don’t think.” She paused for one last smile down at Steve’s headstone, then moved silently over to Amanda’s plot. Sav reached a gloved hand down and brushed the snow off her tiny headstone. Tears streamed down Sav’s face as Trish put a soft hand on his shoulder. Looking at her, he cried, “How do you learn to let go?”

“Just finally let the pain flow through you,” she whispered. “Deal with the hurt, and eventually, you can deal with your life again.” Leaning into his body, she held the baby with one arm and wrapped the other around Sav’s body. He held the two of them gently, careful not to pull Trish too close because of Stephanie. But Trish could feel him shake as he finally let the loss of Amanda crash down on himself.

“Listen, luv,” she said quietly. “It’s time for us to go now. Stephanie? She just can’t be out in this cold much longer.”

“Please don’t leave me again, Trish,” Sav murmured into her hair before letting her go.

“I’m not going anywhere except where you are,” she answered with a loving smile. “Now let’s go home, okay?”

“Sure,” he sighed with one final look at his daughter’s marker. Then he let Trish lead him back to the car and slid behind the wheel while she put the baby back into her carrier. Turning in his seat, he watched Stephanie with sad eyes until Trish got in the car.

“Why couldn’t Amanda still be here?” he whispered without realizing it.

“I don’t know, luv,” Trish answered, making him jump when it dawned on him that he’d actually spoken aloud. “Maybe this was God’s way of making sure some little part of Steve stayed with us once he was gone. If Amanda would have lived, I never would have been with Steve and that little angel in the back seat wouldn’t be here now. Maybe that’s what happened, you know? So that we never forget Steve...”

“Maybe you’re right,” he said quietly as he turned the key in the ignition. “I just wish it didn’t have to happen this way...”

“Somehow, I don’t think it could have happened any other way, though,” Trish sighed as Sav pulled out into the afternoon sunshine.

The trip back to Dublin took them two days because Sav didn’t want to tire out the baby. Rather than risk scaring Trish off, he let her take the bed with the baby and slept on the floor next to them. Trish smiled down at him unseen in the darkness, glad he was being so considerate of her feelings.

When they arrived in Dublin, Sav wanted to take Trish straight to his house to settle in. But she insisted on going over to Joe’s place to see her cousin and the rest of the band. As soon as Sav walked in, Joe hollered in from the studio, “Where the fuck have you been, Savage? Everyone else is already here and waiting on you.”

“I just had to make a quick trip out of town to pick something up,” Sav smiled as he took Stephanie from her mother’s arms. Waving Trish back, he walked in and sat down, waiting to see who would be the first to notice the beautiful little girl he was holding.

“Glad you could finally make it, matey,” Phil laughed as he turned around. He froze as soon as he saw Stephanie and said, “What? How?”

“Oh, this was the little something I had to pick up,” Sav smiled. Everyone in the room turned as one and Joe gasped, “That’s Stephanie! How’d you get her here?”

“I guess I was just the big something he had to pick up,” Trish grinned as she came around the corner.

Joe practically sprinted across the room and folded Trish into an enormous hug, whispering, “God, luv, it’s so good to see you!”

“Good to be seen,” she laughed. Rick was the next to hug her, but Phil hung back. His eyes were fixed on the child in Sav’s arms and she could see how badly Phil wanted to hold her. So she crossed the room and took the baby from Sav, handing her gently to Phil. He stared down into her blue eyes and whispered, “I’m sorry I couldn’t stop your Daddy, luv, but I’ll always be there for you!” Then he kissed the baby gently on the forehead and held her close to his chest.

Slowly, Stephanie made her round to each of her “uncles”, as well as one very loving cousin. Trish just watched each man with a patient smile before finally taking her daughter back and sitting down in the corner.

“Well, mate, you ready to get back to work?” Rick asked.

“Yeah, what’s on the table?” Sav asked curiously.

“I think we’ve finally got the final mix right on this last one,” Joe said as he punched a button on the mixing table. A haunting guitar riff tore through the air of the studio and Trish felt the hair on her arms stand on end. She nodded her head along with the music as the rest of the band came in, except Joe. As Joe’s voice started, she realized everyone was watching her with pity in their eyes.

“No promises
No guarantees
When you come down here you're
Already on your knees
You wanna ride White Lightnin', then just sign your name
If you wanna dance with the devil, you gotta play his way
(Play the game)
You gotta taste that sweetness
'Cos you can't say no
But are you ready for the nightmare
When you can't let go
Like a soldier of fortune
When the money runs dry
You've got rivers of bitter tears
(In your eyes) “

Trish buried her face in Stephanie’s blanket as the meaning of the lyrics hit home. Sobs tore through her even as she concentrated on the song.

“You wanna leave but you can't let go
You wanna stop but you can't say no
(You never laugh about it, you just can't live without it)
You've had enough but you just want more
You never get what you're looking for
(You never laugh about it)

“You've got both ends burning
Like a moth to a flame
You're going off the rails
Like a runaway train
It's a no-win situation
And there's no way out
And no one will ever hear you - Scream and shout

“You wanna leave but you can't let go
You wanna stop but you can't say no
(You never laugh about it, you just can't live without it)
You've had enough but you just want more
You never get what you're looking for
(You never laugh about it)

Run - He's coming to claim me
Run - Nowhere to hide away
Run - You dance with danger
Run - Oh you gotta ride

The White Lightning - On a dead end street
White Lightning - Where the deadbeats meet
White Lightning - It's a one way ride
White Lightning - Oh, there's nowhere to hide”

At the sound of Steve’s nickname, Trish stood up and moved closer to the speaker. Sav took the baby from her arms and let her go, knowing it was better for her to hear these words now rather than some other, colder, more sterile time.

Such a lonely road you ride
It's not easy when you don't know why
Such a heavy load you hide
You never leave no matter how you try

Run - He's coming to claim me
Run - Nowhere to hide away
Run - You dance with danger
Run - Oh, you gotta ride

The White Lightning - On a dead end street
White Lightning - Where the deadbeats meet
White Lightning - It's a one-way ride
White Lightning - Oh there's nowhere to hide

(White Lightning)
Can you feel it? - Can you feel it?
(White Lightning)
It's so dangerous
(White Lightning)

No promises
No guarantees
(White Lighning)
When you come down here boy,
You're already on your knees

Trish looked up at Joe with tear filled eyes and whispered, “Play it again, Joe.”

“Are you sure, luv?” he asked softly and saw Sav nod.

“She needs to hear it, mate,” Sav answered. “I think it’ll help her a lot.”

Sitting next to the speaker, Trish got a far away look in her eyes as the single guitar played. She’d thought that all her self doubts over Steve’s death were gone, but here she was, tearing through them again. Why hadn’t she been able to see his problems as clearly as his other friends had over the years? By the time she’d seen how bad off he was, it was too late.

“You never get what you’re looking for,” Trish whispered as Joe sang the lyric. “He never did. I don’t think he even knew what he was looking for. Not til the end and by then, it was too late.”

“Trish, he found exactly what he wanted when he was with you,” Phil answered quietly. “It’s the only time in years I’d heard him truly happy. But he had demons only he could have shook and we could all see them. Steve was the only one who couldn’t.”

“I didn’t,” she murmured. “Not til it was too late.”

“God, Trish, you’d just gotten out of rehab yourself!” Joe said in a exasperated puff of breath. “You were nearly as sick as he was after Amanda died! How can you possibly hold yourself responsible for what he did when you couldn’t even tell what you were doing to yourself?”

“But what if I’d have seen his problems sooner?” Trish whispered, waiting for the rest of them to turn on her and say she really was the one to blame for their friend’s death. But Phil walked slowly over to her and said, “Trish, we ALL saw it and couldn’t do a fucking thing for him. Lorelei saw it before anyone and SHE couldn’t stop it. So no one person could have ever stopped him but Steve himself.”

Nodding slowly, Trish said, “I guess you’re right” Then she looked around at the four men in front of her and said, “What are you going to do now? Play as a foursome or find someone else to...to...”

“Trish, no one can ever take his place and we all know that,” Sav said quickly. “But we’ve been a five piece since Steve joined the band. We can’t go back. to a four piece, however much we’d like to out of respect for him.”

“Who?” she asked softly.

“Well, it looks like Vivian Campbell,” Rick sighed.

“Why does that name sound familiar?” Trish said hurriedly.

“He’s played with Dio and Whitesnake,” Sav supplied.

“Oh.”

“We’ve talked to him a few times and he seems to be a good fit,” Phil continued. “Plus, he’s not going to be out to ‘take Steve’s place’. He has a lot of respect for Steve and that was bloody important to us all.”

“Is he going to be able to learn...HIS...parts?”

“He says it should be easier than learning mine, cuz Steve was such a bloody melodic player,” Phil answered. “Steve’s solos had a good bit more of a flow to them than a lot of the crap people put out now.”

“He’s right,” Trish whispered. “Steve, he, well, he always had some kind of melody floating through him, even if it did get to be a sad one at the end.” Looking up at Joe, she said quietly, “I’d like to let you get to work now, Zeff. Mind if I borrow a spare room for a nap?”

“No, not at all,” Joe said with a small smile. He turned and called out, “Karla? Can you help Trish upstairs?”

“NO!”

“What?” Joe asked incredulously. “Why the bleeding hell not?”

“No offense, Trish,” Karla said calmly as she crossed the threshold into the room. “I’m just fucking well sick of playing maid for Mr. Joseph fucking Elliott, Rock God!”

“Karla, not now,” Joe hissed.

“Karla,” Trish said quietly. “This isn’t Joe asking, okay? I’ll beg if I need to, but could I please use one of the bedrooms for a nap? Stephanie is tired and so am I.”

Karla’s eyes softened as she looked down at the bundle in Trish’s arms. “Can I...” Karla asked uncertainly. “Can I hold her?”

“Sure,” Trish answered softly. “You carry her upstairs and I’ll get her bag, okay?”

“Thanks,” Karla whispered as she headed out of the room.

Once they were away from the men, Trish asked, “Karla, what’s going on, luv?”

“Trish, it’s awful,” Karla started as tears sprung up in her eyes. “Ever since they’ve started work on this album, and especially since they lost Steve, Joe’s been so distant! He started sleeping in his own room after a trip to New York and, well, I just don’t know what the hell to think of it!”

“You want me to talk to him?” Trish asked quietly.

“I don’t think it will do any good,” she cried. “I’m just hoping that once they get this album off to the presses and we can get back on the road, things will go back to the way they were!”

“Karla,” Trish said with a little shiver. “I don’t.”

“Oh, I know, but Joe wasn’t under the bloody stage, luv!” Karla laughed.

“Karla, do you really think that the guys would leave Rick and Joe hung out like that?” Trish asked quietly. “They’ve been mates for way to long for them to leave anyone out when they’re having a nip of fun. Joe and Rick were just better at hiding it, I bet!”

“I just can’t believe that,” Karla whispered. “If I did, then my whole marriage to him has been a sham and I couldn’t live with that.”

Rather than tear away the fragile spider web of Karla’s confidence in her husband, Trish keep her silence. But she knew Joe too well to think he’d managed to miss out on all the fun the others were having. Smelling trouble brewing for Joe and Karla, she wisely shut her mouth and let Karla lead her into one of the spare rooms upstairs. The baby was still asleep in her carrier, so Trish merely laid down on top of the covers and let her tired body drift off to sleep.

Waking to the feel of someone sitting down on the bed, Trish jumped when she saw Steve sitting there smiling down at Stephanie. He turned and looked down at her, his grin broadening as he saw her looking up at him.

“You’re back where you belong for now, eh, luv?” he whispered softly.

“I guess so, but I really wish you were still here with me, Steve,” she answered slowly.

“Baby, you’ve know all along we didn’t have much time together here,” he said softly. “But some day, we’ll have forever. For now, just be patient and BE HAPPY!”

“I’ll try,” she said sincerely. “But it doesn’t mean I don’t miss you.”

“I’m always here with you, luv,” he whispered, leaning down to her. He laid down next to her and pulled her into his arms. “I’ll always be here...”

She woke to the sound of the baby crying. Looking towards her daughter, she saw Sav bending over to pick Stephanie up and smiled at him. He didn’t see Trish watching him at first as he took the baby to a nearby rocking chair and started giving her a bottle. Then his eyes went to Trish and he startled when he caught her watching him.

“Ah, you’re awake!” he laughed. “Little bit here didn’t want to wait for Mum, so I thought I’d go ahead and get her started eating.”

“Thanks, luv,” she said sleepily. “How are things going in the studio?”

“Oh, we’re actually almost done,” he said as he stared down at the baby. “It’s off to the record company next week, or so we hope.”

“That’s good,” she yawned, sitting up and stretching.

“We’ve got a video shoot scheduled in two weeks for one of the songs, so looks like things will be starting already,” he sighed. “Videos, publicity...tours.”

Trish’s eyes went to the carpet at that last word. What would a tour mean for them this time, when things were already so tentative between them? There’d been no word spoken about their future together, no promises, not even much more than a kiss. How was she going to be able to stand it, knowing what had happened the last time he’d been away on tour?

As if he were reading her mind, he asked, “Trish, I know that we, well, we’re not even really back together, I guess. But would you and the baby, um, come on tour with me? I don’t want to lose you again and I don’t want to miss out on her growing up, either. I mean, I know she’s not my daughter, but it’s almost like having Amanda back again and getting another chance with her.” Worried that Trish would think he was trying to put Stephanie in Amanda’s place, he said quickly, “I’m not saying that...shit, I don’t fucking know what I’m trying to say! I just feel like she’s my daughter as much as Amanda was. Can you understand that?”

Nodding slowly, she said, “I think I can, Rick. But I don’t know if us being on tour with you is a good idea. Things are, well, a little wild out on tour.”

“Phil’s bringing Rory with him, Rick and Joe are both married now,” Sav said quietly. “If we get Vivian, he’s been married for years already. The party atmosphere isn’t going to be there anymore. Not like the Hysteria tour.”

“Karla, Stacey, Jacki and I were all around for the last tour, too, Rick,” she said softly. “That didn’t stop what happened before. And sorry, I’m not as naive as Karla, who thinks Joe was a saint last tour just because she was there...”

“Well, you’re right about that,” Sav sighed. “None of us were too saintly last time out. But baby, this time will be different, I promise you. I don’t want to waste my last chance with you on some groupie who doesn’t mean a fraction of what you do to me.”

“Are you sure, Rick?” she asked uncertainly.

“Trish, I still love you, baby,” he said quietly. “I don’t want to be separated from you again, no matter what.”

“Then we’ll go with you, Rick,” she sighed. “But I’m not making any guarantees about us for now.”

“I’m not asking you to,” he said quickly. “I just want to have a chance again.”

Crossing the room to him, she said, “We’ll give it one more shot, okay? But no pressure on either of us. If it doesn’t work, it just doesn’t.”

Rather than say anything, Sav just nodded as he looked down at Stephanie. Part of him wanted to plead with her to share his confidence. But somewhere, deep inside his soul, he heard a voice that sounded remarkably like Steve’s Yorkshire accent. It said, “Have patience with her, matey. Give her time to see you mean what you say.” So Sav closed his eyes and accepted the advice from wherever it had come.

“Are you ready to head for Dalkey?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Time to go home again.” The tone in her voice did give him a bit of hope as she started to gather the baby’s things back up into her diaper bag. Standing up with Stephanie, he said, “Yeah, guess it’s time, isn’t it?”

“Um, we’re going to have a bit of a problem, Rick,” Trish said suddenly.

“What?” he asked in concern.

“There’s no crib at Strawberry Hill,” she said thoughtfully. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of that!”

“Can she sleep in her playpen tonight?” he asked quietly. “We’ll go get her a new crib tomorrow if she can...”

“Yeah, I guess that’ll have to work,” she said softly. “Let’s go then...”

Sav headed out of the room, still carrying the baby much to Trish’s amusement. She followed him without a word, letting him enjoy the feeling Stephanie often gave her just by holding her. Joe was just inside the studio talking to Phil when they made their way past him.

“Taking little missy home?” Joe smiled.

“Yeah,” Sav sighed contentedly and Phil just chuckled. “What’s so bloody funny, mate?”

“You are,” Phil laughed. “You look so much the ‘daddy’ right now.”

“Well, maybe that’s cuz I feel it right now,” Sav answered. Trish smiled at him indulgently, not wanting to say a word at that moment. She merely pulled Sav out the door and into the night.

When they got back to Strawberry Hill house, Trish headed straight up to one of the spare rooms and started to organize things for the baby. Sav carried the baby in and stood in the doorway watching her as she set up the playpen in one corner of the room. Then she turned back to Sav and said, “I need to give Steph a bath before I put her down for the night.”

“Oh, okay,” he sighed as she took the baby from his arms. Grabbing the diaper bag, he followed her into the bathroom and sat on the edge of the sink as she filled the tub. While she washed the infant, Sav watched in what he realized was true contentment. The first he’d felt since before Trish had gotten pregnant with Amanda and their lives had been torn apart by her death.

Laughing, Trish took a face full of water when the baby slapped her hand down onto it’s surface. The baby got excited at the tinkling sound of her mother’s laughter and started to slap even more, completely drenching Trish. Sav could only chuckle as Trish finally pulled the playful baby out of the tub and wrapped her in a soft towel. As she turned to Sav, he saw the thin fabric of her shirt plastered down by water and the front of her hair was soaked. His chuckle turned to an outright laugh as Trish stared at him in bewilderment.

“What’s so bloody funny?” she asked.

“She got ya good, didn’t she?” Sav said with a smile.

Leaning back down into the tub, she cupped her hand and tossed a handful of water in Sav’s direction. It got him right across the face, wetting down the front of his long hair and causing it to hang in his eyes. Flinging his hair back, he narrowed his eyes and said, “Damn good thing you’ve got that baby or you’d be getting dunked right now, luv!”

“OOOOO, I’m so scared,” Trish giggled dismissively as she stood up. She was just clearing the doorway when she heard the sink turn on. Knowing there was no way Sav would risk hitting the baby, she walked calmly out. A split second later, she felt Sav’s arm wrap around her and the baby, then a rush of ice cold water poured down her back. There was a harsh intake of breath as the icy water hit her skin, then she tried to spin around to face him. But he held them tightly where they were.

“Paybacks are a bitch, my love,” he breathed softly into her ear, sending a shiver racing through her body. Then he released her and let her take the baby off into her room. She turned in the doorway and looked back, only to find him still watching her with heated eyes. With a slight tremble, she went on into the room and dressed the baby in a warm sleeper. Then she took off her wet shirt, laid down on the bed and settled Stephanie at her breast, letting the baby nurse until both of them were sound asleep.

Something tickled at her skin as Trish slowly came out of a deep sleep. For a moment, she couldn’t tell exactly what was going on in the semi darkness of the room. Then the sensation clarified itself. Fingers, trailing down her bare side. Her head turned slowly, finding herself staring up into Sav’s smiling blue eyes.

“What are you up to, Rick?” she sighed.

“You just looked too peaceful sleeping there,” he whispered. “I couldn’t stand it anymore.” His hand came to rest on her hips as he looked down at her.

“How long have we been asleep?” she asked quietly.

“Oh, only about forty five minutes,” he answered.

“Oh, well, Steph will probably sleep for another hour yet, so long as nothing wakes her,” Trish said sleepily. She got up carefully and picked the infant up, taking her over to the playpen that had to do her for a bed that night. As she stood back up, she could feel the heat of Sav’s body behind her. His hands ran down her arms gently as he said, “Should I leave you alone, luv?”

Shaking her head, she said, “I’ve been alone too long, Rick. This past year has been so bloody lonely...”

“You don’t have to be by yourself anymore, Trish,” he said softly as he spun her around to face him. His hand trailed down from the side of her face and over her neck before stopping just at the swell of her breast. He kissed her gently as his hand started to go lower, cupping the soft flesh and running his thumb tenderly over her nipple. His tongue invaded her mouth while he caught her nipple between two fingers and gave it a gentle pinch. A slight trickle of milk squeezed out over his fingertips and he paused in his attentions to her mouth to look down at his hand. A second later, his head bent and capture the firm bud in his mouth, tasting the sweet milk that supported the life of his friend’s daughter.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Trish pulled Sav down to his knees and ran her fingers through his hair as he nursed from her swollen breast. Her hand gripped his shoulder tightly as she stifled a moan. With one last swipe of his tongue, he looked up at her and whispered, “Trish, luv, are you sure you want this?”

“Yes,” she sighed, pulling him with her as she laid back on the bed. His next kiss was long, slow and soft as his mouth took its time relearning hers. Their tongues danced together in an intimate swirl as his hands roamed free over her body. He moved down her body with a trail of kisses as his deft fingers undid the buttons of her soft jeans. Skimming them down her legs, he paused for a quick glance at the sleeping baby before lowering his head to the heated mound between her thighs. Her hands grabbed the sheet roughly as his tongue barely moved over the tip of her clit. A shock of sensation shot through her as his lips closed down on it and he started to suck lightly. His finger slipped into her long ignored channel, bringing a long, low groan from her throat. A second finger joined the first as he found the secret spot within her, driving her over the edge. She bit her lip to keep from crying out his name, managing to keep herself confined to a soft moan.

Sav grinned up at her, realizing the strain she’d put on herself to keep quiet so as not to wake the baby. Moving slowly up her body, his hips forced her thighs apart and the soft denim of his jeans scrapped lightly over her sensitive mound. A sharp cry broke from her for only a moment and they both froze, wondering if their time alone was over. The baby turned slightly in her playpen, then they heard her soft breathing resume its earlier pattern as she sunk back into deeper sleep. With a sigh, Sav whispered, “Sorry bout that, luv.”

“That’s okay,” she answered with a soft giggle. Her fingers undid the buttons of his shirt urgently, knowing that the baby’s slumber wasn’t likely to last much longer. Rather than fuss with undressing him completely, she tugged next at his jeans and freed him from the imprisoning cloth. Just before his body sank into hers, he looked deep into her eyes and said, “Patricia Marie Elliott Clark, I love you more than anything else in this world.”

“I love you too, Richard Savage,” she whispered, touched that he’d used her full name. Then she was swept away as he finally entered her body with one long, slow thrust. His hands went under her shoulders, pulling her to him with each movement. Brushing back the fabric of his shirt, her fingers went quickly to his nipples, teasing them with gentle pinches. Tears pricked his eyes as he watched her, never wanting the moment between them to end. But soon enough, there was no more time for emotion as their bodies took control of the situation. Rather than let his harsh breathing wake the child a few feet away, he kissed her again as he reached that final moment of bliss. They collapsed down together a second later, holding each other until they heard the small cry of Stephanie waking from her nap.

“Well, welcome to parenthood,” Trish laughed as she climbed out of bed and retrieved her jeans. Pulling his own jeans shut, Sav watched her change the baby’s diaper with efficient movements before picking the baby up. She settled the child at her breast and let her nurse while she sat on the edge of the bed. Once Stephanie had taken enough to satisfy her hunger, she broke away from her mother and smiled up at her.

They spent the rest of the evening letting Sav and Stephanie get to know each other better. By bedtime, the little girl was beaming up at him as if she’d known him all her life. When Trish took her into the room to go to sleep, Sav kissed her forehead gently, then whispered, “Is there room for one more in that bed tonight?”

“Hmm, Stephanie isn’t too greedy, so I suppose we could squeeze you in,” Trish said with a smile. So he shut off the lights and followed her into the spare bedroom. Trish settled the baby in between them and smiled at Sav. “You sure you want to be in bed with us?”

“There’s no place I’d rather be!” he laughed as Stephanie let out a small burp. “Now get some sleep!” Then he reached over and turned off the light behind him. All three of them were sleeping soundly within minutes of each other.

Trish woke the next morning alone in bed with Stephanie. It took her a moment to remember where she was. Then she heard Sav’s voice as he tried to stifle a curse. Where was he, anyway?

Putting pillows around the baby so she wouldn’t fall off the bed, she walked into the hallway and looked up at the clock. Eleven o’clock! How on Earth had she managed to sleep so late? Then she heard another muttered curse coming from the master bedroom and headed into it.

“DAMN!” Sav hissed as he sucked on his finger. Bits and pieces of a half assembled crib lay strewn all around him and Trish let out a giggle. “You think it’s funny?” he asked crossly. “Then you can put together the changing table yourself!”

“When’d you go get all this stuff?” she asked in amazement.

“Oh, I just made a quick trip before you got your lazy butt out of bed,” he smiled. “Hope you don’t mind me setting it up in here...”

“Not at all,” she said quietly, knowing that despite her doubts, they were once again back together. Looking around, she asked curiously, “So, what all did you get, anyway?”

“Um, let’s see, the crib, the changing table, uh, another playpen for in the study,” he said thoughtfully. “They’re going to deliver the rest of it later.”

“My God, you went on one hell of a shopping spree!” she exclaimed.

“Yeah, I found a portable crib that we can take out on tour and one of those collapsible playpens that folds up really small,” he said, still trying to think of what he’d bought.

“Damn, baby, you’re going to spoil Steph rotten before she’s even a year old!” Trish laughed.

“Actually, I was more trying to spoil her mother,” Sav said with a sly smile. Setting the screwdriver he held down, he got up on his knees and crawled over in front of Trish. Looking up at her with big blue eyes, he said, “Trish, listen, I know this is awfully fast. I mean, you just came back yesterday and all. But baby, there’s something I wanted to ask you a long time ago.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small box. Opening it, he held it out to her and said, “Patricia, will you marry me?”

Stunned, she stared down at the diamond solitaire that was nestled in the velvet of the box. Hitting her knees in front of him, she sat speechless for what seemed like forever. Her hair draped over her eyes, obscuring Sav’s view. He reached out one hand and pushed her bangs out of her face, seeing the tears that had sprung up in her eyes. “Baby, I’ve had this ring, well, since the day before Joe’s wedding,” he said quietly. “But with all the problems surrounding Amanda, it just never seemed the right time to ask. Then, when she was gone, you seemed to be too. You were so hollow and I just didn’t know what to do for you then. Then you disappeared, and I was the one that was lost. I don’t ever want to live without you, Trish. Please, make me the happiest man living and say yes.”

Her eyes glittered as she looked up at him. She wondered if she could really make a right decision at that moment, facing an uncertain future with the man in front of her. Then he took her hands into his and said, “Please, Trish?”

Trish closed her eyes and nodded slightly. When she opened her eyes, she saw the tears streaming down Sav’s face as he said, “Really? You’ll do it?”

“Yes, Rick,” she sighed softly, afraid her voice was going to break with the emotion of the moment.

“I know this is sudden, but I’d like to get married before we go out on tour,” he said quickly.

“The tour starts in three months, right?” Trish asked quietly.

“Yeah, in April,” he answered. “And all the promotional stuff starts in March.”

“So, you’re giving me a month, then, aren’t you?” she laughed softly.

“Well, if we can...” he said uncertainly.

“Don’t worry,” she chuckled. “I think I can pull it off.” Then they heard the baby start to cry and Trish muttered, “I can’t believe she slept this bloody late!”

“Um, she didn’t,” he said with a laugh. “She was up and at ‘em about five this morning, which is what woke me up. I made her some of your formula stash, changed her diaper and we spent a little time together before she went back to sleep again. That’s when I decided to go ahead and get what we needed for her rather than wait til later.”

“Thanks, baby,” she whispered with a quick kiss before going in to retrieve her crying infant. Trish and Stephanie watched from the doorway while Sav cursed his way through the final steps of setting up the baby’s crib, then set aside the changing table for later.

Once Trish had agreed to marry him, Sav wasted no time in getting things in motion. He asked if Joe would be his best man that same afternoon when he went to the studio. After a week of push and shove, they finally came up with a date in late February for the wedding and Sav rushed around getting everything in order. About the only things Trish needed to do when all was said and done was get a dress and pick out her maid of honor. She picked Karla to stand up with her, even though she was sure she caught a disapproving look from Joe for it. It seemed Joe and Karla’s marriage was already on the rocks, just as Sav and Trish were finally ready to make the trip down the aisle.

Trish couldn’t believe how fast time went by as the wedding approached. It seemed to go by in a flash and there she was, standing in the back of the church and waiting for her Uncle Joe to lead her down the aisle to her future. Sitting down just before the big moment, Trish leaned her head back and closed her eyes, wondering just how she should be feeling at that moment. Part of her was ready to burst with the feeling she had for Sav. But some part in the back of her mind couldn’t help but still miss Steve even now.

Perhaps it was nervous exhaustion, but Trish drifted off to sleep where she sat. When her eyes snapped open, she looked around and realized there wasn’t anyone else in the room with her. Where the hell was her uncle at anyway?

Walking softly over to the door, she peeked down the aisle and saw row after row of empty pews. There was one person sitting in the very back row. And clear at the end of the aisle waited Sav. Just as she was about to step back into her small cell of a room, the person in the back row turned and faced her, pushing his long blond hair out of his face. Trish let out a long sigh as she saw Steve get up and walk slowly back to where she stood.

“You’re beautiful, luv,” he murmured as he kissed her cheek.

Throwing her arms around his neck, she said, “Thank you, Steve! God, I’ve missed you!”

“I’ve missed you, too, baby,” he whispered into her hair. Turning her back towards where Sav waited, he said quietly, “So, it’s time for the big event, huh?”

“I guess so,” she answered uncertainly. “God, should I be doing this?”

“Of course you should,” Steve said with a broad smile. “Does he make you happy now, Trish?”

Nodding, but with reluctant tears trailing down her face, she said, “Yeah, he does. He’s changed a lot in the last year, Steve...”

“The only one that hasn’t changed in your life is me,” Steve sighed. “Look at Joe and Karla. Did you think two years ago that they’d be on the verge of a break up this fast?”

“Not in a million years,” she whispered. “What’s gone wrong for them?”

“Well, not to speak ill of your cousin, but he’s got a bit of a wondering eye, luv,” he answered. “Joe’s...well, let’s just say that he’s not ready to be married yet. Maybe he’ll never be ready for it either.”

“Are they going to end up divorced?” she asked softly.

“I’m sorry, but I think they will,” Steve went on. “She’s just not...um...exciting enough for Joe.”

“What about me and Rick?” she said worriedly. “Will we end up divorced, Steve?”

“I’m not allowed to say,” he answered with a sad shake of his head. Then, urgently, he said, “Trish, remember, I’m your past and Sav is your future. We’ll be together again, someday, I promise you. Until then, know that I love you...”

“I love you too,” she cried as she felt a hand on her shoulder back in the real world.

Her uncle shook her gently, whispering, “Trish, luv, it’s time now!”

“Okay, Uncle Joe,” she sighed, arranging her long white dress as she stood up. Then, with a nervous smile at Joe Sr., she said, “Let’s do this!”

Sav’s cousin led the way out the door of the small room, followed by Karla in a stunning dress of midnight blue. The music swelled and the wedding processional rang out as Trish and Joe Sr. stood in the doorway. The entire crowd turned as one to watch as they took that first step out on to the aisle. But Trish’s eyes fixed on one man. The one who was waiting at the altar for her. Sav.

The ceremony was a blur for Trish. All she could focus on was the broad smile on Sav’s face and the knowing grins Joe threw her on occasion. She cast a glance out into the assembled crowd and saw Stephanie sitting on her Grandma Beryl’s lap, laughing and cooing as if she understood that this was a time to be quiet. Then, at last, the priest looked out over the group and said, “I’d like to be the first to present to you Mr. and Mrs. Richard Savage!”

As the crowd around them stood up and applauded, Joe slapped Sav on the back and said quietly, “You’d best take care of her, matey! I’m still her cousin and I can still kick your ass!”

“That’s one fact I’ve never forgotten!” Sav laughed as he lead his new wife out of the church and into the waiting car. The ride to the reception was silent until they arrived, then Sav leaned over and whispered, “Ready to face the world, Mrs. Savage?”

With a sure nod, she answered, “Most definitely, Mr. Savage!”

Jumping out of the car, Sav moved around to Trish’s side and opened the door for her. Smiling up at him, she laughed and said, “Gee, a girl could get used to this kind of treatment!”

“Hopefully!” Sav grinned as he took her arm.

Joe and Karla waited inside, ready to stand on the receiving line along with Trish and Sav’s families. But Joe shot Karla a glare that was unmistakable. Apparently, their ride to the reception hadn’t been nearly as peaceful as the newlyweds had been. Trish could even seen the slight smudging of Karla’s mascara, a sure sign that she’d been crying. Trish ran a reassuring hand over her arm as she turned to face the press of people who were coming into the hall.

Steve’s parents were at the front of the line, holding on to little Stephanie. Beryl beamed as she held the baby and Barrie smiled down at her as he said, “Thanks for giving us this time with Stephanie, Trish. She’s the only thing Steve ever did right in his misguided life!”

“Barrie, this isn’t the time for this,” Beryl whispered as she saw Trish bristle. Pushing him ahead of her, she turned back to Trish with teary eyes and whispered, “I‘m sorry,” as she got Barrie away from the wedding party.

“Damn him, anyway,” Trish muttered under her breath. Sav put his hand on her arm and said quietly, “We’ll deal with it later, okay, luv? Now smile for our guests and be happy.”

“I’m sorry, Rick,” she answered softly. “That man just really pisses me off!”

“Trouble in paradise already?” Phil laughed as he saw the look on Trish’s face.

“No, just Barrie...” Sav said quickly.

“Jesus, he started his shit today of all days?” Phil said with a shake of his head. He saw Trish go stiff and smiled at her, knowing that Barrie wasn’t going to get away with putting Steve down in front of Trish. “Don’t let him get to you, luv,” Phil whispered, pulling close to her cheek. Then, softly in her ear, he said so that no one else could hear, “Steve never had a better defender from the world than you, Trish.” And after a fleeting peck on the cheek, he was gone.

Finally putting the encounter with Steve’s father out of her mind, Trish turned back to the long line of wedding guests who waited to be greeted. She gave broad grins to both Rick and the band’s newest member, Vivian Campbell, as they both made cracks about the wedding night festivities. Her Aunt Cindy pulled her in for a tearful hug as Joe Sr. wished the newlyweds well. Sally Savage ran a hand over her son’s face and said, “God Bless you, my laddie. I know you’ll be terribly happy with Patricia.”

“Thanks, Mum,” Sav answered in a slightly choked voice, emotions filling him at his mother’s assurances.

Next in line were the band’s managers and Peter looked at Sav with a laugh, saying, “I don’t know what this poor girl did to ever deserve a guy like you!”

“She must have been a very bad girl in a previous life,” Cliff muttered as Trish laughed. Sav just shook his head and said, “Nah, she’s a very bad girl in THIS life!” Trish just chuckled as she shook her head. The rest of the group filed passed them with hugs and congratulations, then it was time for everyone to sit down to dinner. The menu was simple, with courses for the vegetarians among them as well as those who ate meat. Once the meal was over, Trish and Sav mingled with the people in attendance, friends and family alike.

Taking Stephanie back from Beryl, they smiled down as Beryl said, “I’m so glad we got to be a part of everything today, Trish. It really means a lot to us that you’re not going to keep Stephanie away from us.”

“We’ll probably see her more now than if my son was alive anyway,” Barrie muttered. Sav saw Trish tense again as Barrie went on, “Poor child is already cursed by looking a good bit like him rather than her lovely mother!” Tears sprang up in Beryl’s eyes and she couldn’t even look at Trish, which finally pushed the younger woman over the edge.

“Barrie, don’t,” Trish said evenly and Sav recognized the threat in her voice.

“What, don’t speak plainly about my own son?” Barrie chuckled. “Lass, you just didn’t know him as well as you think, I guess...”

Her eyes narrowed and Sav got ready to step in between them, but Trish wouldn’t allow it. “Barrie, if I ever hear you say one more negative thing about Steve in front of his daughter, you’ll never see her again!”

“Oh, come now, lass,” Barrie said as if he’d just heard a joke. “We all know what Steve was, so why shouldn’t this little lady as well?”

“Because you have no idea who your son really was,” Trish hissed in a low voice. “All he ever wanted in life was for you to approve of him! And even after he’d made millions with the band, you kept telling him to get a proper job! Do you even realize how many people still mourn him? Me included. And I will NOT put up with you running him down in front of his daughter!” Barrie backed away from her as Phil came to stand just by her shoulder.

“No one wants to hear it about him anymore, Barrie,” Phil said calmly. “You’re the last person in the world to say a word about Steve, because you helped get him into that condition! He was a bleeding alcoholic and you’d offer him a drink at the fucking pub! You knew he couldn’t have just one, but you’d get that one in front of him anyway.”

“You didn’t have any idea of how to deal with my son,” Barrie said, angrily dismissing Phil. “He was weak and he just needed someone to give him a bit of a shove sometimes. He could have controlled the drink, son, don’t think he couldn’t have. He just didn’t want to!”

Trish handed Stephanie over to Sav before turning back to Barrie and hissing, “You son of a bitch! Phil and I knew better than you ever will, because we BOTH had the same fucking problem. Alcoholism is a disease, you bastard, not a lack of will power!”

“Don’t take that tone with me or we’ll leave,” Barrie said stiffly.

“No, Barrie,” Beryl said with a sigh. “You can leave if you want to, but I won’t. Because they’re right about Stephan. He needed help, but you didn’t, and truth be told, neither did I. I should have done more to stop your nonsense long before it cost me my son’s life, but I was too blind to what you were doing. Patricia, this is probably the wrong time to be saying this, but I’m sorry I didn’t help him. I’m sorry I helped take him away from you and Stephanie, luv.” Barrie stared at her in disbelief, not knowing just how his wife had come to betray him in this way. He turned to Kevin, one of Steve’s brothers, and said, “What the bleeding hell is your mum talking about, son?”

“The way you blasted Steve every chance you got, and the way he could never do enough to please you,” Kevin answered quietly. “None of us could, but Steve...man, he just couldn’t handle your shit. You put him in his grave, Dad, whether you want to admit it or not.”

Barrie’s mouth hung open as he looked from Trish, to Phil, to his wife and then finally his son. How could so many people not understand he’d been trying to HELP Steve by making him see his weaknesses? But a second of self doubt crept into his mind as he looked at his other son, Chris, and saw the same disapproving stare in his eyes. Chris had always been the one to do just what his father had told him and to agree with whatever Barrie said. Watching his son, he whispered, “Chris? You knew what I was doing, didn’t you?”

“No, Dad,” Chris sighed. “I just couldn’t ever bring myself to say you were wrong about Steve. He was a good person, Dad, and he just wanted you to love him for who he was. One word of encouragement would have meant the world to him and you couldn’t give him even that, could you?”

Chris’ words hit his father like a blow to the chest. All the air left his lungs as he started to think that just maybe...maybe he’d been wrong in how he’d dealt with Steve. Could he really have been part of what killed his son? He’d loved Steve, God knew that, but what if he done things all wrong with the boy? Confused, he looked at his wife and whispered, “Beryl, please, tell me they’re wrong! Tell me I didn’t do this to my son!”

Seeing the hurt in Barrie’s eyes, Beryl longed to tell him what he wanted to hear. But she couldn’t. He deserved the truth, no matter how much it was going to hurt him. With tears of regret running down her face, she looked at her husband and said, “I can’t tell you that, Barrie. They’re right, we both let Stephan down. And now it’s too late to change a bloody thing we’ve done.”

Barrie Clark’s mouth hung open as tears started to flow slowly down his ruddy cheeks. He closed his eyes, trying to deny the reality of what he’d just heard. But somewhere deep inside of him, a low note sounded like the ringing of his son’s guitar. Within seconds, he knew the worst truth of his life. He really had contributed to his son’s death. The sob started slowly, pulling from deep in his chest and gut before breaking out of his mouth with a muted cry. His family stared at him in confusion, knowing they’d never see their husband and father cry like this. For Phil, a small smile of final, grim satisfaction crossed his features as he saw his friend‘s death finally have some kind of meaning.

Trish closed her own eyes, wondering what Steve would have wanted her to do at this moment. Letting out a soft sigh, she knelt in front of Barrie and put a gentle hand on his leg. For the longest moment, he refused to look at any one sitting close to him. He simply squeezed his eyes shut and tried to close the situation out of his mind. But finally, as he realized that Trish just wasn’t going to go away, he opened his eyes and stared into the emerald eyes of the woman his son had loved.

“Did you love Steve, Barrie?” Trish whispered softly.

“Of course I did,” Barrie gasped, appalled that she had even asked him such a question. This was his SON she was talking about. How could anyone think he hadn’t loved him?

“There’s nothing you can do for him now and we all know that,” Trish sighed. “It’s just a painful fact of all of our lives. The only thing you can do now is take care of the people he left behind. His mother, his brothers. And most of all, his daughter. You’ve got to let those people know you really love them, that you’re proud of what they accomplish. Were you proud of Steve’s career?”

“God yes,” he rasped quickly. “All my friends heard about it!”

“But did he?”

His chin hit his chest as he realized that no matter how many friends and co-workers he’d told about his son’s music career, he’d never told Steve about it. He’d done nothing but put his life style down every time he’d talked to Steve. Even among his family, he’d never been able to tell them how what Steve had done had made him fit to burst with pride. Everyone had gotten so focused on his alcoholism by the end that, to Barrie, his accomplishments had little meaning. And to think now, that if he’d only been able to TELL Steve how it made him feel, maybe none of the rest of this tragedy would have happened. Maybe instead of being here to celebrate Trish’s marriage to Sav, he’d have been watching his granddaughter bounce on her father’s knee.

“Barrie, there’s only one thing we can do now,” Trish said as she looked into his eyes. “Let the people around you know how important they are to you! Don’t keep making the same mistake again. Every time you get too embarrassed to tell someone how you feel about them, think about having to visit Steve’s grave on his birthday. Don’t let anything stop you from telling someone you care. Then maybe Steve’s death will be a little less meaningless.”

Staring at her with empty eyes, Barrie nodded then turned to his wife. Trish stood up and stepped back into her husband’s arms as Barrie collapsed in tears against his wife. Sav could see the tears in Trish’s eyes when she looked up at him. He started to pull her away, but they heard Beryl’s whisper coming over the din of the reception.

“Thank you, Patricia.”

Trish turned and nodded slowly at Beryl before letting Sav lead her away from them and back to the rest of their party guests.

Joe stood up and clicked his knife against his glass. “May I have your attention? Please?”

The room got silent as Joe said, “Well, since I got suckered into being the best man, I guess I’m supposed to make a toast here. So, here’s to my favorite cousin, Patricia. She’s always been the one to be a pain in my ass, just when I needed it most!” Pausing until a ripple of laughter passed, Joe went on, “Trish, you’re like the little sister I never had. And something tells me that you listen to me about as well as a little sister would as well. Hence, you’re now married to one of the very men I once warned you AWAY from!” Slapping Sav on the shoulder, Joe got serious as he said, “Take care of her, now that you’ve got her, mate.” Sav nodded slowly as he turned a beaming grin in Trish’s direction. He gave her a quick kiss, then bent and kissed Stephanie on the top of the head as she sat in her mother’s lap.

“So, here’s to my best mate, Rick Savage, and my best cousin, Trish!” The crowd broke out in a laugh as Stephanie let out a high pitched squeal, throwing her arms up towards Joe. “And yes,” Joe said as he took the girl from her mother, “To you, too, little love bug! May the three of you have a long and happy life together!”

Glasses clinked together all across the reception hall as the crowd of people echoed Joe’s sentiments. But, for Trish, the world came down to just her, Sav and the baby girl Joe passed back to her with a smile. She laid her head down on Sav’s shoulder and closed her eyes for just a moment. And in that second, she could almost see Steve grinning down at her. Tears pricked at her eyes as she whispered a soft, loving goodbye to him and returned back to the man beside her.

“Trish,” Sav whispered.

“Yes, luv?”

“He’s happy for you, you know that?” Sav said quietly.

“What?”

“I know this is what Steve wanted for you, now that he’s gone,” Sav answered sadly. “I had another dream about him last night. He said it was the last time he’d come to me like that, now that he’s done what he had to do.”

“Steve is my past, now, baby,” Trish said with a small, tired smile. “You, and only you, are my future. Don’t ever doubt that! We can both remember him, and be happy we even knew him, but he isn’t in this marriage with us. It’s just you and me...”

Stephanie let out a giggle and Sav chuckled, “And baby makes three?”

“Yep,” Trish laughed as she hugged her daughter and her husband. And for the first time in a long while, she finally felt like she was really home again.

Epilogue-

After the high of the wedding, Trish and Sav managed to settle down into some semblance of a normal life. Or at least as normal as a rock star’s life could get. True to his word, Sav kept things on the road away from the wild side. And by the end of the Seven Day Weekend Tour, Trish had a surprise for Sav. She was pregnant again and the doctor had already told her that things were going just fine with this child. In February, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy they named Kenneth Stephan Savage. He was followed two years later by another son, named Michael Joseph.

Once Stephanie was old enough to understand who Steve was, Trish started taking her daughter with her on her yearly visits to his grave. But, for Stephanie, Sav would always be her dad. And he returned her feelings as only a father could.

Trish watched things go wonderfully for herself as Joe and Karla’s marriage fell apart. It seemed none of the other relationships in the Leppard camp, aside from Vivian’s, managed to withstand the test of time. By 1995, both Joe and Phil were going through divorces. And five years later, Rick ended up leaving his wife, Stacey. Even Vivian still indulged in the wild side of the road, while Sav remained true to his promise to Trish on every tour.