Hello, is this the Navajo Police?"
"Yes. How can I help you?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor, Joe Begay. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir"

The next day, the Navajo Police officers descended on Joe 's house. They searched the shed where the firewood was kept. Using axes, they busted open every piece of wood but found no marijuana. They swore at Joe and left.

The phone rang at Joe's house. "Hey, Joe! Did the Navajo Police come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yeah..."
"Happy Birthday, Shi-Bro!"

                        Charly

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One day a florist goes for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing community service." The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there are a card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing community service." The policeman is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber opens his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen doughnuts waiting at his door.

An Indian goes for a haircut and goes to pay the barber. The barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing community service." The next morning when the barber opens his shop guess what he finds at the door?

Can you guess? Come on, think like a Indian........

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

.......a dozen Indians waiting for a free haircut

                        Source Unknown

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Yá'át'ééh Shimá,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell my brudder Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for da trading post. Tell him to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was kinda sorta restless at the beginning because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting used to sleeping late.

Tell Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. And you get a real bed to sleep on and you don't wake up smelling like the sheepskin. And there's no sheep to herd,horses to tend to, fences to fix, wood to split, practically nothing to do. And you get to take a shower because there's warm water.

They actually have breakfast like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, but kind of weak on mutton, potatoes, ham, steak, fried spam and other regular food, but tell Elmer you can always sit by the two city folks that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again.

It's no wonder these city folks can't walk much. We go on "route marches", which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our hogan to the main highway. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The ocean is nearby but you have to get through what's called a swamp to get to it. Reminds me of swimming in the windmill water tanks back home. The sergeant is like a boarding school dorm aide.

He nags a lot. The captains, majors, and colonels just ride around looking at us somehow, kinda sorta like the council delegate. They don't bother you unless you have something they want.......... This next will make Elmer laugh really hard. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a prairie dog head and it doesn't move or run around. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. And you get to use bigger bullets than the old 22's they sell at the fleamarket in Tuba City.

Then we have what they call hand-to hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city folks. I have to be real careful though, beacuse they break real easy. It isn't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Rita from over in Forest Lake. I only beat her once. She joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds, and she's 5'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Elmer! to hurry and join before all those other guys figure out that this is easier than boarding school in Lukachukai.

Your loving daughter,

Roycita.

                        Source Unknown

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* MUSKRAT Dec 22-Jan 19:
You are always saving junk and dragging things around the yard. You are basically a pack rat. There has never been a tidy Muskrat from your Band. You should quit stealing other people's garbage.

* PTARMIGAN Jan. 20- Feb. 18:
You haven't the foggiest idea who you are and you've stayed stupid for too long. You are a natural liar. On the other hand, you are compelled to the dinner table where, you make loud sucking noises, as you devour the last six pork chops. Everyone thinks your Indian name should be Pork Chop. You should stop going to bingo.

* WEASEL Feb. 19- Mar. 20:
You have no imagination and you always think INAC or Social Services are following you. You have influence over welfare administrators and friends think you're a weasel. You lack perseverance and are generally a chicken yet possess exceptional dancing skills. You should wear moccasins.

* OWL Mar. 21- Apr. 19:
You are an old stiff and this is reflected in everything you do. You are always whining over nothing and think everyone is out to rob you of something. You should start using Sweet Grass and start being the one on top.

* WOLVERINE Apr. 20- May 20:
You like to work like hell and you are a genuine Jack of all trades. Most people think you are just getting in their way. You are stubborn and persistent. You should get on welfare immediately and quit passing out after your done.

* WOLF May 20- June 21:
You are very intelligent on your feet but lose all credibility when drunk. People like you because you know how where to get a bootleg at 3 in the morning. This means you're a con artist. Wolves are notorious for their flirting and pimping. You should stop drinking on weekdays.

* LYNX June 22- July 22:
You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples' problems. Friends think you are a sponge and you are always misplacing your Sweet Grass. That is why you will always drive a Ford and have a mate who fools around. You should give up your driver's license (since it expired 2 years ago anyways).

* BEAR July 23 - Aug. 22:
You consider yourself a warrior, others think you're a macho egotistical creature of habit. Most Bears like to pick on little people. You have no ambition and will forever live in your mind. Bear people are scared of the cops but yet always walk out of the bar with a drink in their hand after closing. You should start playing bingo.

* TROUT Aug. 23- Sept. 22:
You like to have things in perfect order and will nit pick all day. Your sex life has become well known, due to your meticulous nature. Friends think you're an example of institutionalization and would make a model inmate. You need to buy more underwear.

* FOX Sept. 23- Oct. 23:
You want to learn how to make bannock but don't have the time. You want to live the traditional way of life, but would go crazy if you missed an episode of your favourite TV soap. Chances for employment are nil and you'll have to do bead work for the rest of your life. You should start learning how to sew.

* CARIBOU Oct. 24- Nov. 21:
You are a shrewd and conniving . Your land claim cannot be settled because you also want them to throw in others. Your work ethics defy logic but this stems from the fact that you know everything. Most Caribous have thick, moppy hair, yet they don't need to shave. Never work for the Band because relatives will always ask for money.

* MOOSE Nov. 22- Dec. 21:
You are extremely optimistic and have the tendency to rely on Indian Medicine. The majority of Moose carry little bundles of leather and will do weird things suddenly. You should take Centrum Multivitamins, fast once a week, quit the hard stuff and start Drumming (if you're a He) or start Tanning (if you're a She).

                        Source Unknown

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Indian Fortune Cookies
Q: Do you know what an NDN fortune cookie is?
A: A piece of fry bread with a food stamp stuck in it

Man-Eating Fry Bread
Q: How are Indian men and fry bread alike?
A: They're both round, brown and greasy!

Academic Indian
Q: What does a mother buffalo say to a boy buffalo when she sends him off to college?
A: Bye-son

Ice Fishing
Q: How do Indians know when it's safe to go ice fishing?
A When all the white guys quit falling through.

Rich Indians
Q: How can you tell a rich Indian from a poor Indian?
A: The rich Indian has two cars up on bricks.

Photography
Q: Why is it so hard to take a group picture of a bunch of Indians?
A: Cause when ya say cheese they all line up.

NDN Women's Creation Story
The creator made woman first. She was lonely, didn't have anyone to boss around or to take her to bingo, so she asked the Creator for a companion. The Creator obliged her. He cut off part of her butt and made man. That is why NDN women have flat butts and NDN men are butt heads.

Good Kissers
Q: Why are NDN guys such good kissers?
A: Because they get so much exercise with their lips pointing at stuff.

                        Source Unknown

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A white guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a beautiful Native American woman headed to Minneapolis from LA. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The Native woman, who had just started reading her Indian Times magazine, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"Okay," says the woman. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?" The white guy is dumbfounded.

Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea." "So tell me," says the Native woman, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?

                        Source Unknown

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At a local Spelling Bee contest, a young Navajo child was asked to spell "City."

The young child gets up, brushes her hair back with her fingers, straightens her dress, stands tall and begins spelling..... uhh...

b....i....r....d....

Upon finishing she says proudly with a smile, repeating the word,

"Tsídii."

                        Source Unknown

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