In search of my beach girl... ON THE BEACH ...till it started to rain
Mood:  hug me
Topic: Philosophy
There is practically no original thought under the sun. Let me try and interpret some of the things I've learned

Almost all ideas are borrowed but we dont come to storytellers for their characters, we come to them for their scripts-

Life is about learning to live between moments of bliss unless of course one has attained Moksha - the state of eternal contentment.

It is also about learning to find out the things that bring peace. And adapting our minds to allow us to experience contentment more often. Then comes the realisation that we are always in teh mood we choose to be in. As we begin to se the error of our ingrained mental conditioning, we come to know that it is possible to feel whole for almost the entire day.

And when those days stretch into months and years, w find ourselves having lead a fruitful life. How to seek this true form of living - it begins with a quest of the self.

'B' is the first lette of the word Bliss. This seems to accord with the famous words I am (a conjugation of be). Strangely, Richard Bach chose to call his god 'Infinite Radiant IS'. These seem to indicate that the secret to life may actually be in the living - the present. Stop thinking of the past & living for the future - just be what you are and do what you want to do now.

One thing I've found important is the ability to feel passion. The 'passions' are contentment, fury, impulse, wonder, enthrallment, hunger, fear, hate & love. There's more but these are all I can think of, some writer I am...

By fury, I mean something that burns within your soul - something that would carry you through hell and back.

Impulse has to do with the ability to give in to direct orders from your heart. It is almost synonymous with spontaneity.

Wonder and enthrallment are are also synonymous in usage - they are an expression of the captivability of your being.

Hell is something I do not personally subscribe to but I understand its need in religion - or atleast think I do. Heaven is an incentive and Hell a deterrent. What I dont understand is why they had to separate the two from our lifetimes coz thats precisely what heaven and hell are - states in our lives that we live in, by our own choosing. Yes, if we live in Hell, it is because we have chosen to, and we constantly on remaining here because we are unable to think God might not actually mind us living in heaven.

Welcome to my world
Im a guy with dreams - one of them is to write. so this is how im gonna hone my writing skills - by captivating you. Also, please note that i tend to get philosophical most times so bear with that...

Im not sure how this blogs gonna go yet but some thoughts for today are like:

Life is about learning to live in-between moments of joy, and learning to find more moments of joy too!!

Ill have more & better ones but till then, --

Have Fun Living

Beach!!! Complete fiction
I woke up before dawn. Years since I had done so, I thought I must go watch the sun rise. Finding the terrace doors locked, I came back inside crestfallen.

Just before going to bed that night, I started thinking about the beach & all those sunrise watching trips I'd been on with my family as a kid. I decided to go the following morning.

The next day, I awoke even earlier. Leaping into my trunks, I bounded down the stairs & flung myself onto my bike. With an eagerness I hadn't felt in years, I quickly rode through the chill streets until I reached the Marina.

Leaving my shirt and shoes with my bike, I raced across the sand until I reached the water. The cool morning air over my bare chest caused my heart to stir with excitement. Here I was returning to the place I'd been so many times in my youth - both in reality as well as in dream.

With delectable mirth, I ran into the ocean and nearly froze as my skin came in contact with the frigid water. The initial shock worn off, I began to swim. Soon the sun began to pop out from across the sea. I slowly crawled out of the water & lay on the shore my teeth chattering & my heart pounding with delight. I then got up and ran for a bit to warm off.

After dashing across the sand till I broke out into sweat, I came and lay in front of the sea so that the water continually came up, lapped around me, and then fell beneath my feet. I started looking at the sun as it's first rays glimmered across the boundless sand began to fill up the sky in a sparkling array of light.

Gazing upon the sun in quiet admiration, I watched as it slowly rose from its state of dark slumber as it began its magnificent journey across the sky. I saw it slowly change hue from red, through orange and to yellow until it became this glowing orb in the air, warming my heart and soul.

As always, the warmth made me drowsy and I nodded off, just laying there, enjoying the cool water and glowering sun.

I awoke with the feeling that I was not alone. I slowly opened my eyes and saw to my right, a girl laying beside me, drinking from the sun, in its morning splendour, in similar fashion, a contented smile playing across her lips.

I reached out and touched her and her smile at once broke into a spontaneous grin. She opened her eyes & turned to look into mine.

Neither of us spoke or moved, both delighted to have run into another like-minded soul and thrilled that we'd both given in to our base desire to spend a sunrise at the beach, that morning, and had met like this.

She reached over and held my hand & I offered her my other. Suddenly she began to splash water on me. I sprang over, held her in a firm embrace, turned over and rolled us both into the ocean.

We struggled playfully as we fought each other in the shallow depth of the calm morning sea. We stood wrestling, and our wrestling soon gave way to screams of delight as we began to splash icy-cold water on each other. Finally having had too much, she walked out of the water and began to run away from me, on the sand, along the water. Not willing to give up the fight so easily, I waded out and began to give chase. After a good minute of running, I caught up with her and tackled her.

We fell on the beach in a slippery tangle of glee. To dry off quickly, I suggested rolling in the sand, but found that she was already ahead of me. Armed with handfuls of sand, she began to douse me with a near continuous shower of it. Tired of it, I leaped up and dragged her down and we began to sand wrestle. Laughing as we wriggled and twisted, we soon got tired and came to a halt, our chests heaving in delight and excitement. I rolled over and looked at her and found that her shirt had come undone. Sensing a change in my mood, she proceeded to take it off. Opening my mouth for the first time, I suggested we go wash the sand off and stood aside to let her go first. Just before she reached the water, I bent down, charged, picked her up and carried her into the rapid onset of an inbound wave.

Caught completely by surprise, she let out a yell.

After rinsing the sand off, I picked her up and carried her out of the water. I laid her on the shoreline, where we'd begun our frolicking a while ago. Wrapping her in a tight embrace, we began to kiss. Our kissing soon gave way to an exploration of the others body with our lips. I found the salty flavour enjoyable and got engrossed in our actions.

Hearing a whistle, I looked over the ridge separating water from the beach, to see a man walking his dog. Realising the risk of being caught, I looked around for her shirt and gestured that she put it on, with a look in my eyes that told her that we weren't quite done.

We once again washed off the sand and walked across the beach, holding hands with not a care in the world. We reached my motorcycle and I asked her to hop on. I started it and rode off, to continue our episode elsewhere.


Epilogue
~~~~~~~
Strange as it may seem, that whole incident took place without either of us hearing a single intelligible word from the other. In fact, we didn't speak to each other until much later that evening. She told me that she kept expecting me to say the first word and I guess I was too enthralled! Dumbstruck! Spellbound!

Anyway, we soon realised that we were consciously communicating with each other without the need for verbal expression and began to enjoy the long spells of silence, packed with understanding and talk.

Beach... Complete Fiction
Mood:  lucky
Topic: Medley
I woke up before dawn. Years since I had done so, I thought I must go watch the sun rise. Finding the terrace doors locked, I came back inside crestfallen.

Just before going to bed that night, I started thinking about the beach & all those sunrise watching trips I'd been on with my family as a kid. I decided to go the following morning.

The next day, I awoke even earlier. Leaping into my trunks, I bounded down the stairs & flung myself onto my bike. With an eagerness I hadn't felt in years, I quickly rode through the chill streets until I reached the Marina.

Leaving my shirt and shoes with my bike, I raced across the sand until I reached the water. The cool morning air over my bare chest caused my heart to stir with excitement. Here I was returning to the place I'd been so many times in my youth - both in reality as well as in dream.

With delectable mirth, I ran into the ocean and nearly froze as my skin came in contact with the frigid water. The initial shock worn off, I began to swim. Soon the sun began to pop out from across the sea. I slowly crawled out of the water & lay on the shore my teeth chattering & my heart pounding with delight. I then got up and ran for a bit to warm off.

After dashing across the sand till I broke out into sweat, I came and lay in front of the sea so that the water continually came up, lapped around me, and then fell beneath my feet. I started looking at the sun as it's first rays glimmered across the boundless sand began to fill up the sky in a sparkling array of light.

Gazing upon the sun in quiet admiration, I watched as it slowly rose from its state of dark slumber as it began its magnificent journey across the sky. I saw it slowly change hue from red, through orange and to yellow until it became this glowing orb in the air, warming my heart and soul.

As always, the warmth made me drowsy and I nodded off, just laying there, enjoying the cool water and glowering sun.

I awoke with the feeling that I was not alone. I slowly opened my eyes and saw to my right, a girl laying beside me, drinking from the sun, in its morning splendour, in similar fashion, a contented smile playing across her lips.

I reached out and touched her and her smile at once broke into a spontaneous grin. She opened her eyes & turned to look into mine.

Neither of us spoke or moved, both delighted to have run into another like-minded soul and thrilled that we'd both given in to our base desire to spend a sunrise at the beach, that morning, and had met like this.

She reached over and held my hand & I offered her my other. Suddenly she began to splash water on me. I sprang over, held her in a firm embrace, turned over and rolled us both into the ocean.

We struggled playfully as we fought each other in the shallow depth of the calm morning sea. We stood wrestling, and our wrestling soon gave way to screams of delight as we began to splash icy-cold water on each other. Finally having had too much, she walked out of the water and began to run away from me, on the sand, along the water. Not willing to give up the fight so easily, I waded out and began to give chase. After a good minute of running, I caught up with her and tackled her.

We fell on the beach in a slippery tangle of glee. To dry off quickly, I suggested rolling in the sand, but found that she was already ahead of me. Armed with handfuls of sand, she began to douse me with a near continuous shower of it. Tired of it, I leaped up and dragged her down and we began to sand wrestle. Laughing as we wriggled and twisted, we soon got tired and came to a halt, our chests heaving in delight and excitement. I rolled over and looked at her and found that her shirt had come undone. Sensing a change in my mood, she proceeded to take it off. Opening my mouth for the first time, I suggested we go wash the sand off and stood aside to let her go first. Just before she reached the water, I bent down, charged, picked her up and carried her into the rapid onset of an inbound wave.

Caught completely by surprise, she let out a yell.

After rinsing the sand off, I picked her up and carried her out of the water. I laid her on the shoreline, where we'd begun our frolicking a while ago. Wrapping her in a tight embrace, we began to kiss. Our kissing soon gave way to an exploration of the others body with our lips. I found the salty flavour enjoyable and got engrossed in our actions.

Hearing a whistle, I looked over the ridge separating water from the beach, to see a man walking his dog. Realising the risk of being caught, I looked around for her shirt and gestured that she put it on, with a look in my eyes that told her that we weren't quite done.

We once again washed off the sand and walked across the beach, holding hands with not a care in the world. We reached my motorcycle and I asked her to hop on. I started it and rode off, to continue our episode elsewhere.


Epilogue
~~~~~~~
Strange as it may seem, that whole incident took place without either of us hearing a single intelligible word from the other. In fact, we didn't speak to each other until much later that evening. She told me that she kept expecting me to say the first word and I guess I was too enthralled! Dumbstruck! Spellbound!

Anyway, we soon realised that we were consciously communicating with each other without the need for verbal expression and began to enjoy the long spells of silence, packed with understanding and talk.

Beach... based on a true story:)
Mood:  flirty
Topic: Medley
We met at a party, actually on the dance floor. As we danced, we spoke and got to know each other. Our drunken-ness may've been part of the cause for the release of our inhibitions, but I'd also like to think because we were genuinely comfortable with each other. We were dancing pretty close & pretty tight. I held her in my arms for nearly an hour as we partied.

During a lull in the music, when couples seemed to be getting into the pool, we decided to try it too. She seemed to find it cold but soon, we found that with my arms wrapped tight around her, she could bear the icy frigidness of the water. I didn't much mind the cold coz we were making enough heat to battle with it and besides, I'm genuinely fond of water.

We began to sway gently to the tune of some old Floyd number (a common favorite) as it came wafting across the expanse that was the lawn. We must have spent more time in the pool than intended cuddled up like that, up to our waists, in the pool because, before too long, I found that she was shivering.

We clambered out slowly from the far side of the pool, and lay down on the grass. We soon discovered the best cure for shivering - cuddling. I still remember that warm embrace of hers, in the delicious cold of the night, as we fought to be on top in our frantic playful tussle on the grass. We found that we'd rolled down a mound the top of which was the pool. Suddenly she stopped with her back on the lawn and looked up and my heart melted as my eyes found themselves lost in the depths of love and beauty that were her eyes.

She reached out to me and I gently lowered myself until our faces were inches apart. We were so close; the cold from our breath caused the other to shiver - not just from cold but also from anticipation. She complained of the prickly grass so we swapped places by rolling over. She held my head in her hands at arms length and we just stayed for a bit like that our eyes locked in mutual contemplation - our minds racing ahead in tantalising expectation. She undid my shirt buttons and slowly bent her elbows till her head was resting on my chest. Both of us seemed to understand that the beauty was in the before - therefore, the slow deliberateness of our action. Not wanting to cover too much ground to soon (from a genuine enjoying of the moment), I undid her hairclip. As her lustrous hair cascaded down, I began to play with it. I just love running my hands through long hair, especially bouncy silky hair like she had.

Lost in a boundless ocean of tranquility and harmony, we began to kiss passionately...


>...Foreplay [only] goes on and on and them we finally fall asleep like that on the grass & wake up to find ourselves covered with a blanket that one of my friends had placed over us when he found us lying there at 4 in the morning... don't ask me why the story had to end like that, it just did.

Story I - Letting Go...
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Personal
Three weeks ago I began to feel that I was beginning to stop missing her. As usually happens, since I said that, the feeling of loneliness got stronger and stronger & the time I spent in thought of her increased until it was nearly continuous - more even than ever before.

The acuteness of my loss came to a head sometime last week. The emotion was so strong and the seepage into my thought so total that, for a moment, I thought I must be in love with her. But then I realised that what I felt wasnt love & my 'advisor' helped me realise that it was a part of my brain giving one final scream of memory - like that last flicker of a candle before it finally dies - going out in a blaze of glory. He's helped me realise that if someone can be so inconsiderate to how much they mean to a person, & how loved they are, then they do not deserve their love. Like he says not having the time is not an excuse - we have the power to create a 25th hour if we so wish it.

Though the pain & pervasion into my thoughts is real, I attribute some part of my continued suffering & reluctance to let go to the maintenance of this diary. The writing of this serves not only as an expression of my feeling but also as an easel for my preliminary work in the art of linguistic representation.


.
.
.
Jon has helped me come to realise that theres no flame of passion and, as he succinctly put it, I feel 'Guilty' thinkin about her. I feel now that the time has come for me to stop dwelling on things past, however pleasant. Though the pleasure of remebrance seems to justify the torture of memory, it can never. One reason not to let go is that the pain of severance from future memories seems to exceed the present pain of heart - i.e i dont want to give up hope that things will magically turn OK tomorrow - no matter how far fetched that dream be.


.
.
.
Well, its now been a long long time. I dont seem to be feeling the loss half as poignantly as I was 2 weeks ago, when I was begging my Saviour for permission to call her. Tomorrow, my birthday, will see the passing of a milestone. With the coming of the next dawn, all hopes of reconciliation will evaporate and I shall hopefully be able to pick up the pieces of my life... My just-recovered-from-extremely-close-relationships-with-a-couple-of-girls-that-ended-prematurely best friend Sriram says he is now completely cured of the disease that had that caused him to dwell on things past and for me, soon all thatll be left is a memory.

Well, its late in the night, and the relevance of all this in my life is henceforth void. Void, since I have managed to remove (filling is only if I've found a substitute) the void she left in my life. My heart I hope has healed. I wonder who will break it next. This should be the end of this diary. Im 20 now with the burden of the rest of my life on my head. I need to keep laying the road that will lead me to my destination more than another 3 score years away. Lets hope I never dally like this for a year again, wasting my time dwelling in the past (yes I quite like the word dwell I shall use it as often as I can.). The past is a great storehouse of memories a man should visit from time to time - not live there. Good night and God Bless. I promise my next prose shall be more deserving of your time.

Hate Camp
Mood:  irritated
Topic: Writing
"A guy spends 3 months going through hell, battling the odds in order to save a person he thinks is a friend from a fate we dont want to fathom. He forces another friend to help him out coz he cant do all by himself, but that guy is reluctant because he is frightened for himself and doesnt give a damn for anyone else.

So, together, they rescue this damsel (bitch) in distress only shes in love with the Devil and then what does our friend get? Gratitude? Renewed friendship? Acceptance? No! He gets rejection & ignorance. And then what happens? The one he sought to save does worse, she turns on her saviour, poisoning and corrupting the mind of the friend whose help he enlisted, turning him from his friendship with our friend.

Betraying the trust & faith of our boy, she then twists and contorts his story until this dumb shithead believes her and starts to think she and him have been victimized by our friend here. What do they do? They lay in wait in an abandoned Railway Station waiting hours for his arrival and then they attack him. With a barrage of accusations and character assasinations, 3 hours later when they are done with him, they leave him just laying there all to ihmself, swearing he'll never again help out anyone he thinks is in trouble

Rotten and despicable, not only has she ignored her saviour, but also ruined a friendship of his. And their friendship was true. Where there was trust, we now have doubt and suspicion. Where there should have been peace and understanding, theres now one-sided hostility. Oh the betrayal! Could this be the work of Satans follower? Maybe we should have let the devil take her. She would've been happier & so would those two friends, their friendship still intact.

And where do we, the true followers of the immortal (not the immoral) stand? On the sidelines, our hearts aching for our guy, our blood boiling at the injustice of woman & our minds screaming for revenge, our bodies wrenched with pain, quelling ourr consciencein the search of the higher justice that our heart dictates - the need to lash out at the evil that seeks to destroy one so good & who means so much to us."


IAN

12th Camp Narrative (this one was published in the newspaper)
Mood:  happy
Topic: Writing
It was the 22nd of september when I left for the last annual camp of my school life. I soon found out that I was to have the fun of my life. Everything would be just great. We played cards for most of the train journey to Trivandrum.

23rd September. We reached there and were taken by van to our base camp owned by the NAF (National Adventure Foundation) which is about 25 kms from Trivandrum. We all had tents in which to keep our things. We were given time to freshen up and have lunch and then left for an evening walk around the place. We soon came to a temple that had 200 stairs to climb. I was the 2nd to reach the top. We came back later that evening. Had dinner. We then went on this midnght hike through the same place we'd gone earlier only this time, without light It was cool. We went to sleep in great anticipation of what was to come tomorrow. My group of 14 was to go for aerosports - ultralight flying and parasailing.

24th September. We left at 3 in the morning. The van ride was long- about three hours. The field we were to fly on is this dried up lake bed. It's huge, must be over 100 acres. It had rained and the first thing that happened was the van got stuck in the mud at the beginning of the field. We all raced to the other end where the ultralight was. It had not been completely assembled yet. We waited but to our misfortune, on it's trial flight, wet mud from the ground was thrown up into the propeller (mounted on the back). They had to replace the propeller and so, we went back to the van to have breakfast. We played frisbee - my favourite sport - that I hadn't had a chance to play for years. Breakfast was this mix of bun, pineapple jam, microbananas, corn flakes, milk, and biscuits. An odd combination though it was, our teacher was able to whip it all up into an unbelievably creative and scrumptious breakfast. We then tried to get the van out of the mud(it must've been in at least 5 inches). We had help from this passing lorry. Our van unstuck, we again raced to the other end of the field- so vast was the field that I had trouble spotting the van from that end. Then, it was time to fly. Some of us played frisbee while waiting for our turn. The first ones airborne we're the ones going parasailing. I was the first one who went up in the ultralight. The takeoff was hardly noticeable. It was exhilarating. I've never flown before and thought I'd be scared but my stomach held up just fine. The air was frigid around me. We went so high up and I could hardly make out my group from up there. The landing too was cool. Then it was my turn to wait on the ground while my friends took to the air. Down there we played frisbee non-stop. Then 'twas my turn to go parasailing I'd done it before in 8th standard and found it even more incredible than before. We returned to camp after a meal in a local hotel. A typical south Indian meal which we all enjoyed thoroughly. Back at camp, we we're made to clean out the tents. Halfway through, it started raining and we all raced into the biggest tent for another game of cards (Uno) actually. The game was enjoyable coz of the way everybody tried to cheat and were caught. Thus ended another day.

25th September. We went rock climbing and river crossing which the other group had done the day before. The place was pretty close to base camp and we went walking. The river crossing was about 15 minutes into the walk. We had to tie this rubber rope around a tree and tighten it. There was a whole bunch of us guys yanking madly on the rope to tighten it. Having secured the rope, we had to get into this harness and then hang closely to the rope while we were fastened to it with a carabiner. Then we had to pull ourselves to the other side of the river, turn and pull ourselves back. The going was easy but I strained my back too much and the coming back wasn't so much fun. I had to be pulled the last few feet. We then continued on our walk for about 20 minutes and came to the spot where we we're to do rock climbing. It was almost a sheer climb. Anyway, I was kinda nominated to go first coz everyone thought I'd have a good chance. There were three phases to the rock (we'll actually it was more like a cliff). We were told to go only to the first level from where our guide was belaying for us. Getting there was kinda easy except for the last bit which was tricky. I was allowed to try going further coz I was the first one on the cliff but it had rained and the rock face was slippery. All of us we're able to get to the 1st point except one guy who had a bit of rain hit the rocks just before his turn, making it very slippery. We got back to base camp in the rain, had lunch and then some of us set off for a walk in the heavy rain. We walked for about an hour through the nearby fields with the rain pouring down on us. It was lovely. The rain was the best part coz I just love walking in the rain. We reached this tea stall where we had some tea to heat us up for the return journey. We were all teasing each other thoughout the walk and having lotsa fun doing it. We returned to find the other group had just gotten back. We all had to pack our bags coz we'd be leaving early next morning to backpack through the Neyyar Forest Reserve and would be returning only on the day of our departure. Some of the other guys left for another night walk and me and my friend missed them. So, we hurriedly got a torch and raced after but we couldn't find them and got lost trynig to. We inquired at some house and found our way back to base camp.

26th September. We left early in the morning and went to the Neyyar Forest Reserve. Before entering, we stopped outside some officials office to hand over some declaration of some sort. We waited by the river watching the fish in the water and looking to the other side for a glimpse of some exotic wildlife. We heard what we first thought to be a tigers roar. It was really loud and seemed to be from just across the river. We then went on and entered the forest reserve. We began our hike at about 7-8 O clock. We stopped for breakfast after an hour or so. Breakfast was mayonnaise sandwiches and boiled eggs. We filled our botles in the stream where we stopped to eat. We then continued along our journey through woods denser than any I've ever been through. It was very exciting- the trees all had exotic shapes like one tree had wound itself around the other. Most of the trees seemed to have aerial roots and these were what really gave them that look. Some trees were at angles of 45 degrees to the ground and were a sight to see. We didn't see and wildlife not even a rodent. But there were earthworms and a few bugs to look at along the way. There were also these cute blue and white butterflies all over the place. There was elephant dung all along the trail. We crossed a lot of streams. Their only purpose seemed to be to wet your shoes just as they begin to get dry. We finally came to this place where a kind of lake had formed. I got in with all my clothes on and spent the next half hour splashing everyone else. The water was deliciously cold and most of us had a good time in it. We spent a few more hours walking and finally reachd the spot by the river where we were to have lunch before crossing it by ferry. As the first batch were done eating, it started pouring and we couldn't cook anymore. We crossed the river to an island in the hopes that we could continue our meal there where there was a hut in which we thought we'd cook but to no avail. After everyone had crossed over, we began a trek through the island to reach our final destination. We reached it and spent the evening by the river singing songs and telling jokes. We had dinner and then spent the night in this small room where all of us had to sleep. We somehow all fit in and managed to get a few hours sleep.

27th september. We woke up in the morning and took another ferry just across the river to where our van was waiting. Although the river was supposed to be full of crocs, we never even got to see even one. We got into the van and went back to base camp. All of us hurriedly got ready. We all had coconut water there and had lunch just before leaving. We left for the station and had an ice-cream on the way. I left Trivandrum hoping I'd could come back someday and spend more time there. The train journey was again cool and we had lotsa fun on it - playing cards and doin all sorts of crazy stuff.

28th September. We arrived in the station at 8 in the morning bringing to a close the best trip I've ever been on and I think, will take a while to get over.