Rick Savage stood in his dressing room and appraised himself in the mirror for the final time before hearing Malvin’s last call.

Wearing black jeans and a black and white print vest, he fluffed his curly blonde hair one final time, grabbed his Union Jack bass and turned to leave, only to hear a knock on the door.

"Mal, I’m coming…." he said before the door opened. He relaxed and smiled when he saw the very welcoming sight of his wife Catherine.

"I take it you’re happier to see me than Malvin?" she asked.

"Of course," he grinned as he put his hand behind her neck and bent down to capture her lips with his one last time before having to dash out onstage.

When their lips parted, she reached up and lovingly stroked the face that captivated her since they married in 1992.

"One more, baby….then we’re home for a while," she said.

"I’m looking forward to it, Cath," he said, stroking her cheek in return. "Just you, me and the boys. Um….perhaps we can work on a ‘little girl’ maybe?"

Catherine wickedly chuckled. "Rick, we ‘work’ on it all the time. Now that I know its something you definitely want, well, we can ‘work’ towards making it happen."

"Do you want it too? Another child?"

"Yes, I do. More than anything. I just wanted to wait till this tour’s over. I was kind of hoping to get pregnant earlier so the baby could be born as soon as the tour’s over so we can spend sufficient time together before you start writing again for the next album. I haven’t been able to."

"The next album!" Sav exclaimed. "Crikey, let me finish this show first before I think about the next album. Um…wait. You mean, you’ve already been trying to get pregnant?"

"Yeah. About 10 months ago, to time the baby’s due date with the end of the tour. I…I haven’t been able to conceive. Rick…I..I wonder if I’m still able."

"Luv, don’t worry about it. You’re only 35 years old. Probably this tour schedule just threw you off. When we get home and get back to a normal relaxing routine, it’ll happen."

"I hope so," she said.

Sav reassured her one more time with one last lingering kiss before Malvin’s voice penetrated the door from the other time.

"Savage! Sometime this millenium, will you?"

"Later luv," he winked and dashed out the door.

Catherine stayed in the dressing room a moment to put some of his things in his bag, tidying a bit and then left to go find Bobbi, Jewels, Lauren & Anita.

On the way out, she ran smack into a woman who was waiting outside the dressing room door.

"Oh…excuse me," Catherine said she was about to go find a roadie to take her to her seat.

"Mrs. Savage?" the woman asked.

Catherine bristled at the tone of her voice, almost sarcastic, before turning around. "Oh God," she thought to herself. "Not some crazed female fan of my husband’s who’s sole mission is to hate me."

Although roadies and security were usually only a scream away, the halls were empty and it was awfully quiet. Slowly she turned around.

"Yes?"

The woman regally walked forward, extending her hand. "My name is Sandra. Sandra Mitchell. I would like to know if you could be so kind as to get a message to your husband for me. I need to speak with him."

Catherine inwardly groaned at the audacity of this woman. She also noticed that she didn’t wear any special pass and wondered how she got back here.

"I don’t think you should be back here. How did you get past security without a pass?"

Sandra laughed haughtily. "Why…the old fashioned way, of course. A couple of twenties and a good blow job. Now, if that’s a sufficient enough answer for you, will you please let me speak to your husband after the concert?"

Catherine didn’t like where this was going at all. She swiftly perused this Sandra – blonde hair that seemed very thin, pale almost chalky skin and a rail-like figure. And then she stood her ground.

"May I know what about, if you don’t mind me asking?"

Sandra grinned a knowing, victorious grin, one that sent a chill up Catherine’s spine.

"Not at all, Mrs. Savage. I had a feeling you would. What wife wouldn’t be curious? And, I couldn’t wait for the moment to be able to tell you. You see….. I have something that belongs to him."

"And what may that be?"

Sandra turned around to look towards a corner and waved to someone who was possibly waiting behind it. Out came a man in his 50’s but that’s not what caused Catherine’s heart to catch in her throat.

In the man’s arms, was a little girl, who looked to be about 3 years old. The little girl stared directly at Catherine – with Sav’s big, blue eyes.

Sandra stood there gloating over the response on Catherine’s face before she spoke.

"Something look familiar, Mrs. Savage? Let me guess….ah, yes….the eyes! There’s something about your husband’s eyes that are so expressive and unique – not to mention exquisite. Now you know what I need to talk to him about. Kinda puts a dent in your perfect, little world, doesn’t it?"

Catherine couldn’t take her eyes off the little girl, who’s eyes were similar in shape and color as her and Sav’s two sons, Richard and Steven. Anger and betrayal boiled inside of her at the possiblity of this little girl being Sav’s daughter. But, then again, it could be a coincidence.

"How do you know that this little girl belongs to my husband?"

The woman tapped a finger against her chin in feigned thought. "Well, I met up with your husband during the Slang tour. Let’s see…I believe…yes, it was the double shows at Wembley Arena on November 26^th & 27^th, 1996. You were um…called back to Ireland because your eldest son….Richard I was told, or, your husband told me, came down with the chicken pox."

Catherine started to shake inside. Not too many outsiders knew that.

"Anyway, I met him at the meet and greet, then back at the hotel lounge for drinks with him, Viv and Rick and a few other fans before everyone departed. However, he was lonely since you left and…well, invited me to um..spend more time with him. He seemed upset. Something about a fight the two of you had before you left. Anyway, to make a long story short, in August, 1997, exactly 9 months from that night, little Emma came along and…."

"You are a bloody, filthy liar!" Catherine spat out.

Sandra just folded her arms and smiled off the insult. "Whatever you say, Mrs. Savage. I didn’t expect you to believe me."

"What is it that you really want, Sandra?"

Sandra casually walked forward while taking a business card out of her purse. She extended it to Catherine.

"I see that you’re not going to relay the message to him. Very well then. Here, take this. It’s my attorney. Have your husband’s attorney contact him and he’ll find out what I want. My name is on the back of the card. Show it to your husband…see if it jogs his memory."

Catherine blankly took the card as Sandra turned without another word and took off with the man and the child.

Catherine looked down at the card, shaking in her hand, for a few moments until she felt a hand on her shoulder from behind.

Startled, she turned around and her tear filled eyes met Malvin’s.

"Catherine lass," Malvin said with concern. "Whats wrong?"

Catherine thought on her answer long and hard before giving it.

"Either nothing or everything," she flatly said before allowing him to escort her to her seat without another word.

2

After the concert, and meeting with the fans for the last time, the band, their wives and girfriends boarded planes to go to their specific destinations. Phil, Rick and Viv took the same flight to L.A. with their ladies while Joe, Bobbi, Sav & Catherine flew directly to Dublin Airport.

Catherine had been a zombie since her encounter with that Sandra woman. She couldn’t even enjoy the concert, for every time she looked up onstage at her husband, she saw him in bed with that woman.

"How could he?" she thought to herself. "It…it has to be a scam. Its just a coincidence that that little girl, Emma, has the same eye color and shape as Rick’s. And, as far as me having to leave the Slang tour to go back to Ireland, Richard having the chicken pox and the fight that Rick and I had that day, well, she could’ve found that out from somewhere to make her story authentic. Fans, especially crazy ones, always dig deep to find out personal stuff. Its all over the internet. No…no way could Rick have cheated on me. But….I have to confront him with it."

"What are you thinking about luv?" Sav asked, snapping her from your thoughts. "You’re awfully quiet."

Catherine turned her head and gazed up at his gorgeous blue eyes, but all she saw were the eyes of that 3 year old girl, Emma. Her heart caught in her throat, but she wouldn’t confront him on the plane with this. Later, when they got home."

"Oh, just tired. This was a long stretch. I’m just looking forward to going home and seeing the boys. I hated sending them back to Ireland without us, but Richard being in school was more important."

"I know," Sav said, regretfully. "Fortunately, Anna’s a super nanny, not to mention that she’s been around the boys since they were born."

"Oh, I never had any doubt that they wouldn’t be alright," Catherine added. "Which is one of the reasons I felt confident staying on tour with you."

"I’m glad you did, luv. I don’t like not having you with me."

"Why? Because you’re afraid you may cheat on me, like you possibly did when I left the Slang tour three years ago to go home to take care of Richard?" she thought.

"I..I don’t like being apart from you either. I know there are times when we have to be. I knew that before I married you. But, I was prepared for the times apart. I…I’m sure you were too."

Sav looked at her skeptically, wondering why she was talking like this. "Of course, luv. I know there are sacrifices when you’re in a rock band. I’ve been doing it since I was a twenty."

"Yes, but you were single back then. The sacrifices weren’t as great as they are now that you’re married and have children. When you were single, and wanted company, you had your pick. Now that you’re married, if I’m not around, you can’t….."

"Catherine? What are you talking about? What brought this up?"

Catherine bit her lip. She didn’t want to bring this matter up now, on the plane.

"Oh…..nothing. Just listening to a lot of foolish talk these last few months. I’m just talking like a silly, insecure wife, is all."

"Who may just have good reason for feeling the way she does," she thought.

Sav kissed her on the forehead then laid her head on his shoulder. "You’re not silly, nor are you insecure. You’re right – too much talk and gossip goes around on tour. You know better than to believe half of it. You’re just tired. Rest your head on my shoulder and close your eyes. Soon, we’ll be home."

Catherine stretched out her arm and wrapped it around the front of Sav’s waist as she closed her eyes, letting his soft, even breathing try to lull her to sleep.

However, all she saw in her mind were the eyes of three year old Emma.

*******************************************************

Once Sav and Catherine walked in their front door, seven year old Richard and five year old Steven wasted no time in greeting their parents.

"Dad! Mum!"

Two sets of sneakered feet rushed them at the front door and wrapped arms around their lower halves. Steven ran immediately to his father first, clasping his arms around his legs. Sav rejoicingly picked him up for a big hug.

"Aye, little mate," he said, kissing his younger son’s forehead. "Did you miss me?"

"Yes I did," little Steven replied, with a sour face. "I hated having to leave to go to kindergarten."

Richard hugged Catherine as she ran her fingers through his light brown curly hair. "Goodness, I think you’ve gotten taller, Richard."

"Oh mum, you’re just saying that," Richard said with his father’s shyness. "Its only been a few months that we haven’t seen you."

"Were you boys good for Anna?"

"Oh yes, two little blue eyed angels, they be," came the voice of an older, Irish woman as she approached the front door. "Nary a problem at all."

"Anna, you’re the angel," Sav said as he put Steven down and went to give Anna a kiss on the cheek. "Don’t know what we’d do without you. And now, you’ve got a well deserved break because I’m home for a while."

"Well, you deserve the rest, Mr. Savage," Anna said. "Here, let me take some of that luggage for you and sort things out. Go, you two…..go spend time with your boys."

"Thank you Anna," Catherine said as she, too, stepped forward and gave their long-time nanny a hug. "That’s exactly what I want to do."

Sav and Catherine spent the next several hours unwinding in the entertainment room, alternating watching the telly and playing video games with the boys. Richard bombarded his father with pleas to help him with his soccer moves so he could try out for his second grade team, while Steven, too young to be bothered yet, crashed his toy trucks into one another.

Catherine sat there quiet, enjoying the interaction and just plain watching her two beautiful children who were thankful that their parents were finally home. However, the nagging need to confront Sav with Sandra’s accusations kept invading her mind. Even though she wanted to wait till they were home, now was definitely not the time to do it. She didn’t want to disturb this reunion between parent and child. Tomorrow, when both boys were off to school, she’d approach her husband to talk to him.

She only hoped the boys didn’t have to come home to find heartache.

3

The following morning after bringing Richard and Steven back from school, Catherine went inside the house to find the aroma of a mouthwatering breakfast drawing her to the kitchen.

Once she got there, she found Sav at the counter pouring orange juice, a bowl ful of batter sitting next to a sizzling Belguim waffle maker.

Standing there wearing nothing but a pair of light blue pajama bottoms and a gray t-shirt, his blonde curly hair lightly dusting his shoulders, he looked every bit the gracefully aging rock star at almost 40 years old. She wanted nothing more than to spend this time alone with him in a more intimate fashion, and not the way she had planned.

"Mmmm, good looking, talented and a great cook," she said behind him.

Sav turned around swiftly at the sound of her voice, almost spilling the glass of orange juice in his hand. "Aye luv, I didn’t hear you come back. I wanted this all ready for you. Oooops, wait….this one’s about done."

Sav opened the top of the waffle maker and popped out a perfect, fluffy waffle.

"Looks great baby. This…this was very thoughtful of you, considering how tired you must be."

"Well, road life is over and real life intrudes," he playfully said. "Since you got up to take the boys to school, then I can get up and have a special ‘first day back’ breakfast waiting for my luv."

Catherine walked to the long, trestle style table in their kitchen and sat down. She then opened her purse and took out the card that Sandra gave her two nights ago.

Sav walked over with her plate of waffles, glass of orange juice and a cup of tea. He then got his own and joined her. The delicious aroma of the waffles below her did nothing to mask what she had to talk to him about. And, she couldn’t wait any longer. As Sav reached for his fork, Catherine put a hand upon his to stop it.

"Rick….we…we have to talk about something. I..I don’t know of an appropriate time to do it, other than the fact that I knew it had to be done with the boys gone."

Sav let go of his fork and took her hand in his. "Cath….luv, what’s wrong? This…this sounds serious. Are you okay?"

"I’m…I’m fine…..so far." Catherine had trouble find the words to bring this up. Sav was getting very concerned.

"Luv, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong."

She took a deep breath and went for it. "Rick….two nights ago, after I came to see you in your dressing room before the show….well, after you left, I hung around a bit before leaving. When I did, I ran smack into a woman who….who was looking for you."

Sav frowned a bit. He hoped that Catherine knew better than to be concerned about female fans wandering around trying to get to him. Its been commonplace since they made it big back in the 80’s. Even thought he was off-limits, married with children, the groupies still tried.

"Cath, I hope you found the nearest security guard and sent her on her way…."

"Rick, it seems she knows you and was looking to get a message to you through me."

Sav put his elbows on the table, folded his hands and rested his chin in it. A look of concern upon his face.

"What did she want?"

"She said she has something that belongs to you."

Sav rolled his eyes, wondering what ludicrous stunt this may be. "What was it?"

Catherine looked dead in his face, careful not to miss his reaction to what she had to say. "A three year old girl."

In mere seconds, all the blood drained from Sav’s face. "What?"

"You heard me," Catherine whispered.

Sav shook the cobwebs from his brain. "Cath….luv, tell me you don’t believe her? You know the tricks and stunts some fans can pull to….."

"I saw her Rick…this little girl. She was there too."

"And…?" Sav warily asked.

"She has your eyes," Catherine choked out.

Sav sat back, shaking his head back and forth at what was transpiring. "Catherine, that doesn’t mean anything. So, the girl has blue eyes….."

"No, Rick," she interrupted him. "I said she had your eyes. The same eyes that Richard and Steven have. Not just the color, but the shape."

Sav covered his face with his hands and furiously rubbed his eyes. "Catherine, that doesn’t mean….."

"….this woman gave me this," she interrupted him again, handing him the card. "Its her attorney. Her name is on the back. She said she met you during the Slang tour…..end of November, 1996. It was after I left the tour to come back here when Richard came down with the chicken pox. She knew about that. She also knew about the fight we had that day about you not wanting me to leave."

Sav turned the card over and looked at the name. "Sandra Mitchell," his mind said as he listened to Catherine’s explanation. As he did, his mind raced back three years ago…trying to remember. The name, the time in question, anything that would put an end to this……

"No," he softly whispered. "Oh God…no!"

Catherine’s hands tightened on the edge of the kitchen table. "You know her, don’t you?" she shakily whipsered. "Don’t you?"

Sav held the card in his trembling hand as a fuzzy memory, one that he thought was long ago buried, resurfaced. His breathing became labored as he continued to stare at the name.

"Rick? Tell me the truth. Do you know this woman? And….is there a possiblity of this little girl being yours?"

Sav never took his eyes off the card, too ashamed to look his wife in the face.

"Yes," he choked out, answering the first question. "And……yes," came the answer to the second.

Just as Sandra predicted, Catherine’s perfect little world was shattered.

4

Catherine slowly got up from the kitchen table and inched her way back towards the wall.

"You……you admit it?" Catherine gasped in shock. "Y..y…you s..s..slept with this woman?"

Sav turned his stricken face to his wife, who’s back was pressed up against the wall, looking at him as if he disgusted her. He stayed put, and turned in his chair towards her.

"Catherine," Sav said hoarsly, fighting back tears. "Y..y..you don’t understand. I…I……."

"Don’t understand what, Rick?" she seethed. "That it was an…..accident? Oh, wait……that you were….drunk?"

"Yes! That’s exactly what happened."

Catherine covered her face with her hands and let out a mock laugh. "Oh, God, I don’t believe it! You’re almost 40 years old, Rick, and you’re gonna blame a one night stand on alcohol? Maybe if you were 20, single and stupid it might work. You don’t get that drunk."

"You’re right, I don’t, but….I did that night," Sav replied, knowing he’d never make her believe him. "Catherine, please……l…let me explain. Please….."

"No! There is nothing to explain! There is no explanation to justify the fact that you cheated on me!"

"Catherine, please! I didn’t sleep with her willingly! I swear! I barely even remember the incident. When I saw the name on the card, and heard the explanation you gave, it…it all came back to me."

"Oh, please Rick," she shot out. "What do you think, I’m some stupid, naïve wife of a rock star who’s supposed to look the other way? Maybe some other wives might actually believe their husband’s tales of alcohol induced infidelity, but I don’t. You obviously weren’t too drunk to remember that you were drunk that night."

"No, that’s not true, Catherine! Like I said, it was nothing but a blurry memory, almost like a dream that you wake up from and thought that it might have been real, but weren’t sure. Not until I saw the name did something stir. Then you went on to say how it happened the end of November during the Slang tour when you went home to be with Richard. That’s when it hit me."

Catherine stood there shaking, her back still pressed up against the wall. Sav was still perched on the edge of the chair, afraid to get up and go to her, knowing that she’d flee from him. He remained perfectly calm and still, but inside he felt like heaving.

"Well, you seemed to have done a lot of drunken rambling that night," Catherine sarcastically accused. "She knew about me leaving, about….about the fight we had because of it. Tell me….is that why you slept with her, because you were mad about me leaving? To go home to our son who was sick?"

"No!" Sav vehemently denied before rethinking. "I..I..I don’t know. I don’t remember telling her anything. Hell, I don’t remember much of that night. I…I guess I must’ve told her. Catherine, I was so drunk that I barely remembered what she looked like."

Catherine shot him a look of pure hatred. "Oh, that’s supposed to make me feel better? That it wasn’t ‘memorable’ enough for you to remember? Go ahead Rick, what’s next….that ‘it didn’t mean anything’ or ‘you thought of me the whole time’? Go ahead, give me another lame excuse."

"Its not a bloody excuse!" he spat out, losing all control. "It’s the truth, dammit! I don’t know what else to tell you. I made a mistake, but I didn’t realize it. Catherine, for the love of God, you’ve got to believe me!"

"Rick, the only thing that’s swaying me to believe you was the fact that I saw this Sandra woman. She doesn’t look like the type of woman that would’ve attracted you. She looked emaciated and pale. But still…., drunk or not, you slept with her and it resulted in a child. And I have a feeling her reason for seeking you out after three years is probably monetary. God knows what she wants, Rick, or what she may threaten to do if you don’t give into her demands."

Sav blankly glanced at the card on the table, fearing the same thing. God, this could ruin his life. He had to call and find out what the damage is. But, before he did that, he had serious damage control to take care of right in his own home..

Slowly, he got up from the chair. When he did, Catherine flinched and inched closer to the entrance from the kitchen to the dining room.

"Catherine….please….please don’t run away. I..I…need you in this. I….I’m scared. I really don’t remember. Oh, God please Catherine!"

Her husband’s sincere pleas were beginning to break her, however, she couldn’t get the image of her husband in bed with this woman while she was miles away nursing a four year old with chicken pox. All because he got drunk. Probably because he was upset over the fight they had. The reason behind the fight was petty to begin with, but to get drunk over it and wind up falling in bed with another woman was…unforgivable. Forgiving a cheating husband was bitter pill to swallow for any wife. As vulnerable as he looked and felt, she was shattered inside.

"I…I can’t Rick," she murmured apologetically. "P..p..please, just leave me alone. I can’t even look at you right now."

With those last words, Catherine took off to the stairs. The sound of the bedroom door slamming shut released the torrential flood of tears in Sav’s eyes as he slowly sunk to the kitchen floor, wrapped his arms around his bent knees and cried his heart out.

His perfect world, as he knew it, was shattered.

5

Sav sat on the kitchen floor for what seemed like hours, his long body curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth, crying his heart out. He was truthful with Catherine that he barely remembered that night. It had seemed like a nightmare that he woke from, wondering if it really happened or not. When he realized that it actually did happen, he withdrew into himself, ridden with shame, guilt and disgust, hoping that it would never resurface to haunt him.

That day had regretfully come.

As much as that night was a blur, it all came back to him now. He remembered the double shows at Wembly on the 26^th & 27^th of November, 1996. He also remembered how he was about to turn 36 in a few days and, for some reason or other, he was dreading it. To this day, he still didn’t know why he was suddenly vain about getting older. It was stupid and insecure, yet when he and Catherine received a call from Anna that Richard had contracted the chicken pox, he balked when Catherine didn’t think twice about rushing back to Ireland, with then two year old Steven in tow, to care him.

Sav argued with her, telling her that Anna was perfectly capable of taking care of Richard, not to mention that he didn’t want Steven to be around Richard and contract the pox himself. What followed, were heated words flung back and forth between them. Sav accused Catherine of being overprotective and she accused him of being selfish.

As Sav sat there, wiping the tears from his eyes, he admitted that Catherine was right. He was being selfish. He just wanted his wife with him, especially when what he thought was a difficut birthday came around. Not only till a few days later, when he called Catherine from the tour to check on Richard, did he realize just how selfish he was being. Richard had a very bad case of the pox accompanied by a high fever. Steven wound up contracting it as well, but it was a very mild case. In a way, perhaps it was best both boys had it and got it over with while they were young.

But by the time Sav had called to check on his wife and sons, the damage of that fateful night had already been done. After the first show at Wembley, he went back to the hotel bar where he sat with Rick and Viv and a few fans. His fight with Catherine weighed heavily on his mind, as he quickly switched from beer to whiskey. He remembered this Sandra woman being one of the fans at the table that night, however he didn’t remember the conversation or how they got from the lounge to his room or if anyone saw them leave together.

The act itself was even a total blur. It wasn’t until the next morning that Sav woke in his hotel room, alone and hungover. The only memories he had of the night before were flashing images of blonde hair, naked flesh and rumpled bedclothes.

When he realized that his nude body, covered in dried sweat, was wrapped in a sheet laced with the evidence of sex and the scent of perfume that wasn’t Catherine’s, did the reality of what actually happened finally hit him. Instant nausea overcame him as he bolted from the bed and ran to the loo where he emptied his stomach into the toilet. He then remembered collapsing onto the tiled floor and crying over what he did, pretty much like he was doing right now.

Sav forced himself to shut out the memory of that horrible incident as he grabbed onto the edge of the counter and pull himself up. He dreaded what he had to do, but it was either do it now, or wait for this woman to seek him out again. He picked the card up off the table and immediately dialed his attorney with the information.

He then hung up the phone and looked at his and Catherine’s uneaten breakfast of Belgium waffles, juice and tea on the kitchen table. Before he placed those plates on the table, his mind was on enjoying a lovely breakfast with his wife, before taking her back to bed to make love to her. Now, as he stared at them, it was a painful reminder of how he may be winding up after this incident – alone and untouched.

His first instinct was to sweep his arm across the table and knock everything to the floor. But, anger was not within his personality and the only person he had to be angry with was himself. There was no one to blame this on. However, his main priority was to try to get through to Catherine. As much as he knew she needed time to herself right now, he needed some semblance of civility before the boys came home from school.

Taking a deep breath, he went upstairs to approach his wife as he waited for his attorney to call back with the news.

6

Sav approached his tightly shut bedroom door and knocked. No answer. He knocked again. Still, no answer. He softly called out.

"Catherine? Catherine, please, I…I need to talk to you. To see you. Please, luv, please I……."

Sav’s words were cut off when the emotion of what may happen to his marriage overtook him again. His voice cracked and the tears came forward as he covered his face with his hands. In between sobs that he could no longer control, he continued to plead to his wife through the door.

Sav’s words were cut off this time by the sound of the lock turning from the inside, followed by the turning of the doorknob. The door slowly opened and he looked upon Catherine’s anguish-filled face which mirrored his own. She stepped back to let him in.

"I’m only doing this for the boys, Rick," she hoarsly spoke. "You’re right about that, I don’t want them to see us like this, which is why I chose to do this after they left. I had wanted to confront you after the show, but I knew that, should that woman’s words proved true, it would’ve been awkward for us around the band. This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way until we find out what’s going on."

Sav cautiously walked in as she spoke and went to stand against his high-boy dresser. Catherine weakly walked over and sat upon the bed as her hand gripped the snow white coverlet.

"Okay…..say what you have to," she said, not once looking at him.

Sav took a deep breath and repeated to her his only memory of that night. He, again, reiterated that he wasn’t sure if it happened, since he thankfully woke up alone. All he had remembered were bits and pieces of a night of sex. He told Catherine how he had gotten sick that morning when it dawned upon him what probably had occurred, which was a mixture of a hangover and disgust. His only saving grace was that Sandra was up and gone from his life before he knew it and never heard from her again. He just took the awful happenings of that night and locked them away in a corner of his mind, never to open up again. Until today.

He stood there after his explanation and watched Catherine drink it all in, wondering if she believed him or not. Wondering if she’d forgive him or not.

"Rick," she finally whispered. "I…I just find it hard to believe that you got yourself blind drunk because I left to go care for our.…."

"….no, Catherine," he quietly interrupted her. "I got drunk because I argued with you about that. I was selfish and insecure about the whole thing and I took it out on you through that argument. I tried calling you before the show several times but you either hadn’t arrived home or you probably took Richard to the doctor’s. I just wanted to hear your voice and apologize to you for acting like a complete idiot. When I couldn’t get a hold of you, it just flung me into a deeper depression. By that time, Rick, Viv, myself and……we..we were already at the bar and I just starting drinking like a fish. I…God, now that I think about it, I remember Rick and Viv commenting about it. I don’t remember if I said anything to them or not. If you don’t believe me, you can ask them."

"Alright, fine Rick….you got drunk because you felt bad about our argument. That’s not an excuse, but it happened. And…..and what happened afterwards……to blame it on the alcohol is, again, not an excuse, but it happened and…..and now a child has resulted from it."

Catherine broke off that last sentence by burying her face in her hands and crying. Sav threw caution to the wind and went to her, knelt before her and laid his head on her lap, crying again himself.

"Yeah, well its come back to haunt us," she retorted.

Sav lifted his head off her lap and looked up at her. "Cath, what…what is it you want me to do? Do….do….you want me to leave? Do you want a divorce? What?"

"I…I….no, I……oh God, Rick, I don’t know! Do you know what it feels like to hate someone you love! To hate someone you trust! I heard your explanation and, I can’t say I understand, but do I have a choice? It happened and I can’t change that. But I can’t help hating you for doing this to me. I hate you for this! I do!"

With that, Catherine sprang from the bed and ran crying from the room. Sav was left sitting on the floor, feeling like he was half alive, until the phone jarred him.

He cleared his throat and crawled over to the nightstand to answer it.

"ello?"

"Rick, its Stuart. I just got off the phone with Ms. Mitchell’s attorney."

Sav’s heart was pounding as he squeezed his swollen eyes shut. "And…?"

"Well, it’s a little more complicated than what you thought it might be. I think you better come down here as soon as you can."

A million thoughts ran through Sav’s mind as to what this could be. Whatever it was, he had to face it, even if it was alone.

"O..okay, Stu. I’ll be there in an hour, is that alright?"

"Fine. See you then."

Sav hung up then grabbed the edge of the bed to pull himself up and into the shower.

7

Sav numbly got dressed, grabbed his keys and headed for the front door. Before he did, he retreated back to the kitchen to leave a note for Catherine. He wanted to go to her and let her know himself that he was going to his attorney’s to find out his impending fate in this entire mess, but after her declaration of hatred, he didn’t have it in him to go to her.

As he searched for a pencil and paper, his tired, cried out brain barely heard Catherine’s voice as she came up behind him.

"Rick."

Sav spun around at the choked out whisper and looked upon her tear stained face. He stood there, absolutley quiet, waiting for her to say what she had to say.

"I…I…."

"What, Catherine?" he pleaded. "What is it, luv? Anything?"

"I…I…I don’t hate you," she said as she collapsed against the wall, tears overcoming her again. "I love you, dammit! I love you so much, but I hate what you did!"

A surge of relief swept through Sav as he flung the pencil and paper to the floor and rushed forward to take Catherine in his arms. He held her tight as he allowed her to vent her anger upon him, which he rightfully deserved.

"How could you?" she sobbed out as she beat her fists on his back. "Oh, how could she? She knew you were married, yet she didn’t care. I know you said you were drunk, but still…..oh, I don’t know. I just don’t know what this is going to do to our lives. What does she want? How am I ever going to trust you again?"

Sav grabbed her wrists to keep her from pummeling him. He brought her hands up in front of him and shushed her to calm her down.

"Catherine….I don’t know the answer to that last question. We…we have a lot of talking to do. However, as far as what she wants, that’s where I’m going right now. Stuart just called after speaking with her attorney. He said it’s a complicated situation and I’m not sure what he means. The sooner I get this over with, the better."

Catherine sniffed and hiccuped, trying her best to calm down. For the last hour, she had paced the exercise room, wanting to pick up her chrome dumbbells and fling them at the mirrored walls. She immediately regretted telling her husband that she hated him, even though he did cheat on her, knowingly or unknowingly. She, again, reminded herself that although forgiving a cheating husband was a bitter pill to swallow, the fact that she did still love him kept her wits about her enough to try to forgive him and work on fixing the broken trust in their marriage.

"Rick…I….I’d like to come with you," she announced. "I..I made a decision that, whatever it is, I don’t want you going through this alone. Mind you, we still have a long road ahead of us mending the tear in our marriage, so don’t think this decision is my way of letting you off the hook that easily. Whatever this woman has in store is going to affect me and I want to be there to meet it head on."

Sav wanted to take her in his arms and crush her against him. His love for her had always been strong, but now it went through the roof. Her strength in this situation absolutely amazed him. She had every right to loathe and despise him, yet she saw enough to rise above that and stand by him, even though what he did humiliated her.

In truth, he didn’t deserve her right now.

"Cath," he whispered, choking back new tears. "I…thank you. I…I need to have you there. I need you period! I can’t handle this alone, luv. As much as I deserve to go through this by myself, you’re being there will mean everything to me."

Catherine knew he was hurting over this as much as her, but the betrayed wife inside of her didn’t want him to think that she was gonna forgive and forget that easily. Their marriage had suffered a devestating blow and a simple ‘I’m sorry’, wasn’t going to cure it. However, right now, Catherine had to rise above her emotions and stand by her husband to find out what this Sandra woman wanted, if only to get a headstart on how to protect herself and the boys from the out come.

Catherine pulled her hands out of Sav’s grasp as she backed away. "Give me a few moments to freshen up."

"Okay," Sav said softly as he watched her turn and head back to their bedroom.

About ten minutes later, Catherine emerged, chicly, yet sophistocatedly dressed in sleek black pants and a pale lavender sleeveless knit top with a matching pearl-buttoned cardigan over it. A simple strand of pearls and matching earrings completed her simple, yet elegant attire.

Sav took one look at her and his desire for the incredible woman that she was, inside and out, surged. It made his disgust over what he had done even more prominent.

Catherine saw the look he was giving her and fought her own desire for him to give in to it. She couldn’t. She just couldn’t. Not after what happened, no matter how much she wanted him.

"Lets go," Catherine simply said as she headed out the door ahead of him.

8

Sav and Catherine walked into his attorney’s office side by side. Stuart Pressman looked up with widened eyes, expecting only to see Sav, considering the nature of the circumstances. His eyes flitted nervously from Sav to Catherine and back. Sav read his mind and eased it for him.

"Its okay, Stu," Sav said. "Catherine knows all about it and we’re….we’re here to handle this together."

Stu looked to Catherine who nodded in agreement. Sighing with relief he motioned for them to sit down before delivering the news.

"Well, Rick," Stu began. "As I said on the phone, it’s a little more complicated than you thought it would be. First of all, I want to come out and ask you again and," he turned to Catherine, "… forgive me Catherine, but I need to confirm this."

Catherine nodded at Stu before he turned to Sav. "Rick, are you absolutely, positively sure that there can be no doubt that this little girl is yours?"

Sav readjusted himself in his chair, feeling Catherine bristle a bit beside him. "Stu, I’m sure there could be a chance that she isn’t mine. However, judging the time in question and…..and what happened, there’s every possibility. Also, well, Catherine saw this little girl, this ‘Emma’ and……."

"……and lets just say that her eyes are the mirror image of Rick’s," Catherine finished for him.

"However, I do want a paternity test before any final decision is made," Sav demanded.

"Of course Rick, of course," Stu agreed. "Now….as to the circumstances regarding the child, Ms. Mitchell’s attorney gave me the particulars of what she’s seeking."

Sav took a deep breath and blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. "Stu…enough torture. How much does this woman want?"

Stu took off his glasses, rested them on his des and folded his hands in front of him before regarding Sav with an unreadable look.

"Rick…she’s not asking for any money."

Sav knitted his brows wondering what kind of game this woman was playing. He looked over at Catherine who still kept her focus forward, but looked to be confused as well. Sav’s seldom seen anger came to surface.

"Stu, I better not find out this woman is playing games and spreading rumors just to ruin my life because of………of a one night stand three years ago. Its bad enough that she approached my wife on this and now its causing….."

"…..Rick," Stu interrupted him. "Its no game, I assure you. She doesn’t want any money because she’ll have no use for it."

Now Sav was really confused. "Stop dragging this out, Stu. What exactly is it that she wants?"

"Rick, the reason she has no use for your money is because she won’t be around long enough to spend it. Sandra Mitchell has terminal cancer and only has a few months to live. What she wants is for you to take full custody of Emma."

Sav and Catherine sat there with looks of shock and sadness on their faces. Catherine was the first one to speak.

"Oh God," she whispered. "So…..so that’s why she looked the way she did. She…she was painfully thin and pale, which is why I didn’t believe her because she didn’t seem the type…….the type of woman that my husband would……."

Catherine cut off her words, unable to speak the rest.

"I’m sure she’s been undergoing radical treatments of chemotherapy and radiation, but to no avail," Stu added. "Her cancer had spread to a point where it can no longer be contained. The only family she has is her father, who obviously cannot care for a three year old."

Sav came to life after a brief period of speechlessness. "So….so you’re telling me that all she wants is for me to raise Emma?"

"That’s it," Stu replied. "Now Rick, should the tests prove you to be her biological father, you don’t necessarily have to take responsibility for her."

"What…what will become of her if he doesn’t?" Catherine asked.

"Well, she’ll most likely be placed in foster care then probably be put up for adoption. Now, I know this is a delicate situation and you need time to talk it over, but I want to remind you that time is of the essence. Sandra most likely will be going into a facility within the next month where she will remain until she….until she passes. From what her attorney told me, the flight that she took to confront you about this took a big toll on her. She practically worsened in a matter of days and her pain is beginning to become unmanagable. The facility that she’ll be entering will distribute pain management to make her…..last days comfortable."

"Oh my God," Catherine choked out as she wept. "Oh God! I….I had no idea. That..that poor little girl."

Sav reached over and grabbed her hand to which Catherine squeezed it. The feeling gave him hope as to the future of their marriage, despite this situation.

"Stu, Catherine and I will have to discuss this," Sav said. "However, go ahead and set up the paternity test….."

"Rick," Catherine interrupted him. "There’s…..there’s nothing to discuss. This little girl is yours and you……..we have to take her."

Sav turned to his wife, dumbfounded by her insistence in taking this child who was the product, not to mention reminder, of his adultry.

"Catherine? We…we can’t make a decision like this so hastily. I know this is a horrible situation and, if Emma is mine, then I’ll do what’s right….."

"She is yours, Rick," she blurted out in a defensive tone. "I saw her. I don’t need a paternity test to tell me that she’s yours. Whats right is for us to care for her."

Sav looked from his distraught wife, then to Stu, then back. As much as she was heartbroken over his infidelity, this situation overshadowed that. He wanted to do what was right, especially if Emma was his child. However, Catherine’s haste in making this decision concerned him.

"Catherine, please….lets…lets talk first, okay luv? I..I promise to do the right thing. We have to discuss how this is going to affect us, not to mention the boys. Bringing a three year old girl into the house and telling them its their sister……half sister, may be too much for them to handle. And, then there’s the public getting knowledge of this. Once the media finds out that I’ve taken in my illigetimate daughter from a one night stand…..do…do you know the pressure that will be on us because of that? The questions? The assumptions? The headlines in the tabloids that you’ll see in the store? What the boys will hear at school?"

"Rick, I…I know. I understand that. But….but can you honestly lay your head down at night knowing that there is a child of yours out there being cared for by strangers, going from foster home to foster home, thinking no one wants her because there is no one to care for her? How is a three year old supposed to understand that?"

As much as Sav was grateful to her compassion over Emma, he still didn’t think that she understood the impact little Emma would have on their lives once she came into it. Being the public figure that he was, he, Catherine and the boys would be prime fodder for media gossip.

However, her pleading eyes were swaying him and, in some way, deep down inside, he wondered if the presence of this little girl would help or hurt their shattered marriage. She would be a constant reminder of that fateful, drunken night.

"Cath, luv, I understand what you’re saying. I promise to take every detail into consideration. Right now, lets just do step one. Let me take the test. While we’re waiting for the results, we’ll decide what to do and, if need be, prepare the boys for it. I’ll then have to tell the guys about it as well. Whatever is decided, we have to make sure that all sides are covered, okay?"

Catherine was beginning to calm down from her outburst. She didn’t know why, but suddenly her husband’s betrayal took the back burner to a little girl who was about to become an orphan. Well, not actually, since she was positive that Sav was the father. She only hoped that her overworked emotions in wanting to take Emma in didn’t come back to haunt her later, since she would be a constant reminder of her husband’s infidelity.

She looked up into his pleading blue eyes and realized that he was right. She took a deep breath and let it out. "O…okay," she agreed. But…lets not wait. Remember, she doesn’t have much time……."

Catherine turned to fight back the tears as Sav turned to Stu. "Set up the test. We’ll go home and talk this out. I guess in a few days we’ll know if we’ll be having an addition to the family."

9

Within a week, the results of Sav’s paternity test came back and, as predicted, he was indeed Emma’s father.

Although Catherine knew from the beginning that he was, hearing the official medical word was almost like a knife in her heart, not to mention the true proof of his infidelity. However, she made a pact with herself that what happened that night had to be dealt with separately from the fact that they now had a three year old little girl to possibly take care of. The healing of her shattered trust for her husband would be taken care of separately.

Sav and Catherine unanimously agreed that it was their responsibility to take Emma in and raise her. They then sat Richard and Steven down and tried, to the best of their abilities, to explain Emma’s upcoming presence. Rather than lie, they told the boys that Emma was indeed their sister, except she had a different mum. Fortunately, the boys were still young enough that they didn’t ask too many questions and were pretty much too wrapped up in their own interests to be concerned.

With that taken care of, Sav now had the media to deal with. Once they got a glimpse of little Emma, there’d be no way that he’d be able to get away with saying she was adopted. Although he had yet to see her, Catherine’s description of the eyes led him to believe that the resemblance would be too uncanny. Sav also knew it was best to be truthful upfront and prepare for the worst, rather than lie only to be caught in it later. He sure as hell learned that lesson!

He and Catherine were too caught up in preparing for Emma’s arrival that they hadn’t the time to talk about taking steps to work on their marriage. Sav decided to take it one day at a time, however he kept himself prepared for when Catherine decided to come to him about it.

Stu had called with the details of Emma’s arrival. She would be flying into Dublin Airport with a court appointed liaison accompanying her in two days. Sav knew that now was a good a time as any to break the news to the band. Of course, with Joe living so close by, he was privy to being the first to find out.

The next day, he took off to Joe’s house in the early afternoon. Bobbi met him at the door.

"I didn’t think you two would be able to stay away from each other too long," Bobbi joked as he walked in the house.

"Well, I was only gonna give him a week, but I held out for two," Sav joked back. "Where is the lazy bloke?’

"Oh, where he hasn’t left since we got home. Sprawled on the couch, doing practically nothing. As for me, I think I’ve had enough quiet time. Its time to reconnect with the outside world. I’m going into the centre to have lunch with a girlfriend. He’s all yours!"

"Thanks Bobbi. Have a good time," he said as she waved to him as she left.

Sav walked through Joe’s massive house until he reached the entertainment room. Just as Bobbi said, there was Joe, laying on his back on the couch, his left leg stretched out on the couch while his right leg was bent so his right foot was on the floor. He was dressed in a pair of black sweatpants and a ripped white t-shirt with several days worth of stubble on his face.

Sav chuckled as he walked in. "Joe, have you moved off that couch since you came home, or is there mold growing underneath you?"

Joe wouldn’t be deterred. "I’m sorry, was that supposed to be a joke?"

"Um, no," Sav replied. "I just want to know if its safe to come near you. Have you even seen the shower at least?"

"If you come a little closer, you’ll find out!"

Sav rolled his eyes, knowing that Joe was kidding before settling himself in a chair. Joe immediately clicked off the telly, sat up and looked at him.

"Whats wrong?"

Sav was dumbstruck. "Crikey, Joe…I just got here. Besides, what makes you think I’m here because something is wrong?"

"Because we just got off the road two weeks ago after being around each other for way too long. You’re either bored out of your mind, you miss me, or something’s wrong. I know you can’t be bored with a beautiful wife at home to get with child again. As for missing me, well that’s understandable when you’re as charming as I am, but you’ve learned to keep your swooning under wraps. So, the only solution left is that….something’s wrong. So…….?"

Sav struggled with how to tell Joe about this. "Um…well, its like this….it seems that there’s gonna be an addition to the family after all."

Joe eyes widened with impressiveness. "Damn Savage, you don’t waste any time, do you? No wonder I haven’t heard from you till today. Probably spending every morning shagging after those boys of yours go off to school."

"J..Joe….n..n..no, its…its not that. Catherine’s not pregnant."

Joe looked confused. "Okay…you um…….getting a dog or goldfish or something?"

Sav decided to go for the jugular and just spit it out. "No, Joe. My three year old daughter is coming to live with us permanently."

Joe slumped against the back of the couch and looked at Sav’s face, which was now facing the floor.

"Um…I think I need more of an explanation that that."

Sav continued to stare at the floor as he spoke. "Which version do you want, Joe? The short, sweet and to the point one or the long, painful, nightmarish one?"

"How’s about starting with the first and I’ll let you know if I need further explanation?"

Sav took a deep breath and let it out slowly before speaking. "I…I had a one night stand three years ago –during the Slang tour – and now this woman, who is dying of cancer, has tracked me down to take full custody of the little girl that resulted from that night."

Sav sat there with his head down for what seemed like hours waiting for Joe to respond. When he didn’t hear anything for quite sometime, he looked up to find Joe staring at him with an incredulous look on his face. Joe tried to break up with seriousness with some humor.

"C’mon, Joe," Sav tried to muse. "Don’t tell me you’re at a loss for words?"

Joe finally came to life. "You…you….." his tone became angrier, "you bloody, stupid, idiot! You cheated on that fantastic woman you’ve been married to for eight years?"

Joe shot up off the couch and paced the room like a caged animal. "I don’t believe it! I don’t friggin’ believe it! I never expected something like this from you. What the hell were you thinking Sav? I….I..oh my God, I……"

Joe caught himself mid-tantrum when he realized how off the wall he got. He turned to Sav to see him with his head still hung down, his hands covering his face. His body lightly shook from crying.

Joe instantly berated himself for his outburst. He had no right to react like that, but when Sav began to joke with him, Joe didn’t think that he took his circumstances that seriously. He now saw that it was tearing him apart and that he was only trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Joe walked over to his heartbroken mate, knelt on the floor beside his chair and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Sav, I’m….I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to react like that. I had no right. I’m…."

"Oh God Joe," Sav cried into his hands. "Do you know what the last two weeks have been like for me? Knowing that this unexpected news could’ve caused me to lose my wife and kids? I was blind drunk at the time, but that’s no excuse. Its my fault. Its all my fault. But…..that wonderful woman I’m married to, as much as she has been hurt and humiliated by this, has decided to stand by me and handle this situation together. I don’t deserve her! Oh, God I don’t! She’s agreed with me to take in Emma, my daughter, but….but I don’t know where our marriage stands after that. We have yet to talk about what’s gonna happen to us. Dammit, Joe, this has been a nightmare, but I have no one to blame but myself!"

Sav didn’t know at what point he went from crying in his hands to finding himself in the comforting embrace of his long time friend. Joe’s eyes had teared up as well over his Sav’s situation. Instead of berating him for it, he should be supporting and encouraging him in it.

"Sav, its okay. Again, I didn’t mean to go off like that. I…I just thought you’d be the last person who would cheat on their wife."

"Joe, I didn’t know what I was doing," Sav blurted out. "I know that sounds like a lame, immature excuse, but I didn’t. I was blind drunk that night in the hotel lounge in London with Rick and Viv and some fans, this woman being one of them. Don’t ask me how, but she wound up in my room that night and thankfully left before I woke up the next morning."

"So….how do you know that you had sex with her if you were too drunk to remember?"

Sav managed to roll his eyes at Joe’s ignorance. "Uh, Joe…there are certain tell-tale signs, ya know? One of them being I was stark naked, covered in dried sweat and the scent of this woman’s perfume. Little by little, images of us…..together, starting flashing in my mind. Trust me, we had sex."

"Sav, how did Catherine find out about this?"

"This woman had the audacity to approach her the last night of the tour. She had this little girl, Emma, with her. She didn’t come out and tell Catherine what she wanted of me, but I guess one look at the little girl told Catherine what it was about. Seems she looks like me."

"Poor lass," Joe mused.

Sav sighed heavily at Joe’s attempt at humor to which Joe saw didn’t affect him. "Sorry mate, just trying to……"

"I know, Joe… I know. Anyway, the morning after we got back, Catherine approached me about her encounter with this woman. After explaining the circumstances, the memory of that horrible night came back. With a child resulting from it, I had no choice but to confess. Catherine then produced a card that the woman gave her with her attorney’s name. I had Stu contact him then Catherine and I met with Stu and found out exactly what this woman wanted. Its not money, as I surmised. Her cancer is evasive and she probably won’t live the month. She wants me to take custody of…..our daughter."

Joe knelt on the floor drinking this all in, still disbelieving the heartbreaking circumstances his friend had to face.

"Sav……you say that Catherine has agreed to take this child in?"

Sav smiled. "Just when I thought the woman couldn’t be anymore wonderful, she agrees to take in my illigetimate daughter from a one night stand. I…I guess the circumstances surrounding her mother’s near death and that fact that she’ll have no one has softened her. But……that doesn’t necessarily mean that the subject of my……infidelity is forgotten. We..we still have to deal with that. I hurt her, Joe. I hurt her so bad. How am I ever going to get her to trust me again?"

"Sav, just the fact that she has agreed to stand by you regarding the welfare of….Emma…is a positive step. She realizes that the possibility of this child having no one is more important at the moment. As amazing as she appears to be in this situation, I wouldn’t take her for granted, thinking that she’s gonna forgive and forget. But, from what I hear so far, there seems to be hope that, in time, she’ll forgive you and learn to trust you again."

"I hope so, Joe," Sav replied softly. "I hope so. I’m just concerned about the presence of Emma. I hope that Catherine isn’t acting upon her emotions now, only to regret it later. This little girl will always be a reminder of my infidelity. I hope Catherine’s decision now doesn’t come back to haunt her later."

10

Several days later, Sav and Catherine waited at home for Emma’s arrival. They decided to have Anna, accompanied by Stu, go to the airport to pick her up rather than going themselves and risk having someone notice him.

While waiting, Sav paced his music room while Catherine remained on the couch in the living room. Their cordial behavior towards one another these last two weeks was eating at him. Every day, he waited for Catherine to approach him regarding his infidelity, but with each passing day that she didn’t, he grew even more tense. The wait was becoming more punishment than the crime itself.

He walked out to where Catherine was sitting in the living room, perusing a decorating magazine. She slowly glanced up when his footsteps stopped a few feet in front of her.

"Cath, I….I know all the preparation for Emma’s arrival has, well, has taken our minds off……’

"….trust me, Rick," she interrupted him, looking back down at the magazine. "It hasn’t taken my mind off……off what you did. Its just that Emma’s arrival has become more of a priority right now."

"Cath, please luv. I…I need you to say something, anything about how you’re feeling."

"I think I’ve already told you how I felt the day I confronted you about this," she softly replied.

"That’s…that’s not what I mean," Sav said, squeezing his eyes shut and softly shaking his head. "I mean……our future. The future of our marriage.’

"Like I told you last week, Rick, I….I do love you and I…..I don’t want a divorce. However, my feelings for you right now are not the same. I have to rediscover them all over again. The fact that I do love you, not to mention the two little boys who’d be torn apart, is the reason I’ve decided to mend this marriage rather than abandon it. But, don’t think I’m a pushover because of it. I’m still hurting and humiliated deep down inside, however, I made my decision and I’m sticking to it. I’m also not going to play any immature games while we work this out, which is why there’s no need to sleep in separate beds."

"Cath, I don’t know whats worse – sleeping without you, or sleeping next to you and not being able to…….."

"…..I know," she agreed with a shudder. "I know."

The sound of the front door opening startled them from their conversation. Anna must’ve used her code to get past the gate to the front door. Catherine and Sav shared a look of agreement before standing side by side, waiting for them to enter.

Stuart entered first, followed by Anna who was holding a precious, blue eyed three year old lass in her arms. She was dressed in tiny black leggings, a white top with little black and red bows all over it, white socks with lace trim and black patent leather Mary Jane shoes. A tiny red headband graced her sandy brown, softly curled hair.

Catherine stared at her as her chest lightly heaved with anxiety. However, it was nothing compared to Sav’s reaction. The sight of the little girl, who vaguely resembled Richard and Steven at that age, almost brought him to his knees.

Little Emma nestled herself in Anna’s grasp, unsure of all the strange adults around her. Like Richard and Steven, Emma seemed to have taken to Anna immediately and felt a sense of security. Her huge blue eyes warily darted from Sav to Catherine.

After a moment of silence, Stuart cut in. "Well, everything seemed to have gone quite well. And…..just in time too. Sandra………passed away yesterday afternoon."

Catherine slowly sat back down and lowered her head at the news. Sav closed his eyes for a moment as well, before looking back up at Emma who was still staring at him as if noticing something familiar about him.

"Um, well, let me go out to the car and get her things. Not too much, just a large suitcase of clothes and some favorite toys. I also have papers with all her medical information as well. I’ll go run out and get them."

As soon as Stuart left, Catherine arise and walked over to Emma. Emma just stared, not knowing what to make of her.

"Emma," Catherine softly said. "My name is Catherine. This is going to be your home. What do you think of that?"

Emma looked like she was going to cry. "No…not home. Where’s mummy?"

Catherine’s heart caught in her throat as she put her arms out for Emma to come to her. Miraculously, she did. Anna gave her over and left them alone.

"Emma luv," Catherine continued in a soft voice. "Your mummy couldn’t be here. But, I’m here. I’m gonna take care of you, honey. You have this big house to play in, you’ll have your own room and later on, I’m gonna introduce you to your big brothers."

Emma looked at Catherine, unsure of what to make of her words. She then looked at Sav and her little head tilted. "Who dat?"

Catherine glanced at Sav, waiting for him to answer. Slowly, he walked forward and took Emma’s hand, looking into eyes that mirrored his own.

"Emma luv," he said with an equally soft voice. "I know you don’t understand this but….I’m your daddy. Since……mummy couldn’t be here, she wanted you to be with me. You’re going to live with us, luv.’

Emma’s eyes scanned Sav’s face as she whispered. "Daddy."

Sav let out a sigh of relief. "That’s right, Emma. I’m your daddy. I’m sorry you didn’t get to know me until today, but….well…..mummy and I had to live apart. But now, you get to live here."

"Is…is mummy coming back?"

The tears in Catherine’s eyes slipped down her cheeks, not sure what to say. Sav thought a moment then took Emma’s little hand and kissed it before smiling at her and answering.

"I don’t think so, luv," Sav answered. "You see…mummy was very, very sick and she…….she can’t take care of you. But I can, which is why mummy sent you here. She wants to make sure you’ll always be looked after, that you’ll have a place to stay and someone who……..who’ll love you."

Sav choked out that last word as he looked to Catherine for her reaction. She in turn, looked at Emma. "That’s right, Emma. We’re here for you. We’ll take care of you and love you. Anything you need you’ll have right here."

Emma answered by craning her head around, looking at her new surroundings, her eyes taking in the splendor of the generous house. "Oooooh, big house," she said.

Sav and Catherine shared a smile over that. Just then, Stuart came inside with a suitcase and a large envelope containing papers.

"Well, this is it," he said. "In this envelope is all her medical records, a copy of the paternity test, the custody transfer papers – everything. Let me know if there’s anything else you need."

"Thanks Stu," Sav said, shaking his hand. "I’m sure everything will be fine."

Stuart nodded and left, leaving Sav and Catherine alone with Emma. Catherine then put Emma down to let her feel her way around. Her curiosity got the best of her as she walked over to the sofa and coffee table, running her hand over it, before pulling it away.

""Sorry…..no touch."

It was obvious that Sandra taught her not to touch things that looked untouchable. Considering the variety of expensive décor and French antiques in the house, everything looked just about untouchable to her. Catherine walked forward and took Emma by the hand.

"C’mon, honey," she said. "Lets go see your room. We can put your clothes and your toys away and then I’ll show you the new things we got for you. How’s that sound?"

Emma’s beautiful, cherubic fac lit up. "Okay!"

Placing her tiny hand in Catherine’s, Emma followed her out of the living room. Before leaving, Catherine turned and gave one last look to Sav, one of softness and tenderness, before leaving.

After she left, Sav sat on the sofa and held his head in his hands. The look Catherine gave him tore at him. He didn’t know if it was meant for him, or for her feelings towards Emma. Either way, Catherine seemed to have accepted the child who now had to be interwoven into their lives.

Now, the healing of their strained marriage had to begin.

11

Days had turned into weeks and everything seemed to be falling into place nicely regarding Emma’s arrival. Richard and Steven took to her with ease, not really thinking having a little girl in the house as too much of a big deal. Richard was involved with his second grade soccer team and spent a lot of time with his friends while Steven, at five, spent most of his time at home becoming familiar with this new little person.

Catherine did have moments where Emma, wide eyed and curious to her new surroundings, would invade Steven’s territory, and toys, which caused some friction and a lot of crying. It was still new to all of them, but she had to be patient until everything fell into a routine pattern. Lets face it, there were times that you just couldn’t ‘reason’ with a three and five year old!

As a day to day pattern began to fall into place, Emma began to settle into a feeling a security. Catherine and Sav spent time with her separately, but never together. It also seemed to be that way with the structure of their marriage. Both were going about their daily lives with separate agendas, only to come together at night when they fell into bed – but only to sleep.

It had been a little over a month since their world turned upside down with the discovery of Sav’s infidelity and the presence of Emma, and he and Catherine still had yet to truly resume being husband and wife. Sav was patiently waiting for her to approach him, while Catherine seemed to be trying to handle the situation by throwing herself into her responsibilities as a mother, as if she were trying to pretend a problem doesn’t exist.

However, it did, but it was a problem of a different kind, on in which Emma’s presence only enhanced.

One night, after getting all three children bathed and asleep, she fell into bed physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. She lay there waiting, like she did every night since this happened, for Sav to come to bed, only to lay in silence.

Around 11:30, the bedroom door opened as she heard Sav slide out of his clothes and into bed beside her. She lay on her side away from him as she felt the mattress dip. Then she felt the warmth radiate from his body and the intoxicating natural scent of his skin invade her senses and she was beginning to become lost. When she felt his arm suddenly slide around her waist as he scooted closer to her, she stiffened. Her desire to be with him was almost as strong as the hurt of his betrayal. Tonight, she didn’t know which one would win out.

"Cath," she heard him purr into her ear. The tone of his voice, mixed with his alluring accent, made the gooseflesh rise on her skin. Her desire was winning out.

"Rick," she whispered back, trying to block out the pain of what he did three years ago and give into her body’s needs.

"Catherine, I……I’ve been waiting for you," he continued to whisper. "I’ve been waiting so long for you to come to me. I know we haven’t talked about where this is all going, but Cath…….I….I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take coming to bed every night and having you so close and not being able to touch you. You’ve agreed to stay and work it out and I am so grateful for that, but we’ve got to start somewhere, luv. I want us to start talking about this, but….but not now. Tonight I want to touch you, hold you, kiss you….God, I want to make love to you so bad. Please luv…..please give yourself to me. I need you."

Catherine was completely undone by those words. She turned on her back to look up at his beautiful face, reached her hand up and stroked it.

"I…I want you too, Rick. So much, but…."

He put his finger over her lips. "No….no buts. Please, luv…..please, just for tonight, until we can talk further. You’re my wife and and I desire you. I have been. I know I have no right to ask, but I had no choice but to break down. I love you, Cath. So very much. Please….please let me show you."

Catherine reached both hands up and cupped his face, pulling his lips down to her. "Yes," she huskily whispered back. "Show me."

Their lips met in a hungry, pent up kiss that almost broke them both apart. Their lips opened and their tongues interlocked in a sensual dance that caused them both to groan in one another’s mouths. Catherine then ran her hands down his body and realized that he had come to bed nude. She came alive at the sensual feel of his naked skin under the palm of her hands and pulled him to lay atop her.

Sav was reeling with his pent up desire for his wife. This last month was torture for him and her acceptance of his advances and the prospect of finally being able to take pleasure in her was spinning him out of control. While his mouth devoured hers, his hand slid down her thin, cotton dressing gown till it reached them hem. He grasped the bottom of it and pushed it up to her waist. He then ran his hand back down her lucious body, growling into her mouth at the long awaiting feel of her silky hips and thighs.

Neither one could wait a single second. Catherine wrapped her legs around his waist and thrust her pelvis up as Sav came down, burying himself deep inside her hot, welcoming body.

"Oh Cath!" he groaned out in relief. "Oh my God! Luv, you feel so good. This was what I wanted. I needed you so much."

Catherine’s cries of pleasure matched his as her arms and legs wrapped themselves tightly around him, not wanting to let go.

"Rick…oh baby, yes. Oh my God, yes. So good. I never stopped wanting you this way. Oh….oh please…..baby, faster. Please, faster. I’m….I’m so close…..!"

Her pleas shattered his control as he mindlessly thrust himself hard and fast into her body until his release was building up.

"Catherine! Catherine! Luv, I…..I can’t….hold…..back……!"

"Yes, do it! I’m……oh God Rick!"

The emotion of the last month, and the unspoken desire for each other, took its toll as Sav’s orgasm slammed into him as soon as he felt Catherine throb all around him.

He gently lay on top of her, arms and legs still tangled, their labored breaths the only sound in the room. After a few moments, Sav looked up and into her beautiful face.

"I love you so much, Catherine. I swear, whatever you want, I’ll do to make it up to you. Please luv, let’s try to go back to how it was before this all happened. All our plans. Things we talked about. Remember what we talked about the last night of the concert? Maybe tonight we……."

Sav stopped talking when he saw the stricken look on her face. "Cath…what…?"

His speech was cut off when Catherine violently shoved him off her and rolled off the bed to stand up.

"How could you, Rick? How could you be so inconsiderate and heartless?"

Sav sat up in bed with a start, the sheet falling to barely skim his hips. His naked, sweat sheened upper body rose and fell with a mix of post-passion exhaustion and bewilderment.

"What, Cath? What are you talking about?"

"You……you just had to bring it up, didn’t you? Tonight was the first night we shared any kind of togetherness since this happened. As much as I still hurt inside, I…I still desired you, which is why I accepted your advances tonight. But, to go and bring up that night – right after we made love."

"Catherine, stop! I didn’t bring it up because of that. I brought it up because we did just make love and I remember what we talked about that night, after you came to see me in the dressing room. Remember….we talked about having another child."

"Exactly, Rick! But, more specifically, we talked about having a little girl. And guess what comes into your life? A little girl from…..from…..oh God, I promised myself I wouldn’t torture myself by thinking about the two of you together."

Catherine buried her face in her hands and cried as Sav crawled over to the side of the bed to grasp her arms.

"Catherine, please….don’t……don’t do this. Please, don’t let anything ruin this moment. Emma has nothing to do with us not going forward with having another child – a little girl – of our own."

"What for, Rick? We already have her. Instant daughter. I said that I would stand beside you in raising her, and I will. Its just….its just I’m afraid I’ll have to be satisfied with her. We’ll never have a daugher of our own."

"Catherine, stop saying that! You don’t know for sure….."

"Yes, I do, Rick. I mean….I’m pretty sure my chances are slim. I…I went to the doctors several days ago. I..I told him about my problem…….conceiving. He…he gave me the dye test. Its…its supposed to test to see if there’s any kind of blockage anywhere. It…it didn’t turn out too good. I…I have a lot of scar tissue build up to where the openings to my fallopian tubes are almost completely closed. The doctor cited this as the reason I can’t get pregnant."

Sav took her in his embrace and held her tight. "Cath….why didn’t you tell me sooner? Maybe there’s something the doctor can do. Maybe you can have the scar tissue removed?"

Catherine pulled away from him in frustration and paced the room. "Oh, what for? He said it could be done, but it would be painful and it wouldn’t be any guarantee that I’d be able to conceive afterwards. I’m just gonna accept it as it is. We have the boys and you have your little girl. I’ll…..I’ll just have to learn to accept her as mine. I gave you my word and I won’t go back on it. Its….its just harder than I thought. I’m trying, Rick…..I’m really trying. I look at Emma and….I…I see you but…..I see bits of……of her. I then see a version of……of that night……you…..her…"

Sav bolted from the bed and went after her, turning her to him. "Catherine, please. I know this is still hard for you. I told you I’d do anything to prove myself to you. What I told you of that night was the God’s honest truth. It wasn’t willingly, I swear on my father’s grave! But it happened, and Emma is mine and we agreed to take responsibility for her. You were immediately for it in the beginning, but I insisted we talk it over first. I….I didn’t want Emma’s presence to be a …….reminder of what happened when were trying hard to put it behind us."

Catherine looked up at him with a blank, hopeless face. "Rick…..learning to forgive you for that night and trusting you again isn’t the problem. My love for you will get me through it. What’s killing me inside is…..is jealousy. Jealousy for this Sandra woman! God forgive me for speaking ill of the dead, but I just can’t help it."

"Cath…..what in God’s name do you have to be jealous of? I never wanted her willingly! I wasn’t looking for someone! No one could replace you….no one!"

‘It isn’t that, Rick," she choked out. "I’m not jealous of her. I’m jealous because she gave you something that I probably can’t!"

With that, Catherine broke free of his grip and left the bedroom. Only when Sav heard the spare room door close did he know that he’d be sleeping alone tonight. Right now, he didn’t mind. Catherine needed to be alone with her thoughts. He knew there was nothing he could do or say to convince her otherwise. She had to come to terms with this herself.

He slid back into bed and pulled the covers about him. He rested his face on Catherine’s pillow, breathing in her natural scent mixed with her white gardenia fragrance.

He closed his eyes with a prayer that Emma’s presence in their lives wouldn’t be a mistake.

12

Several days had passed since Catherine’s outburst that night. She continued to go through the motions of her day to day life, running the boys to and from school, attending Richard’s soccer games and Steven’s playgroup. She almost fully turned the care of little Emma over to Anna. Since that night, her jealous confession had filled her with guilt and shame to a point where she couldn’t even look at the little girl.

Sav noticed it too and was very concerned. Taking Emma in and caring for her was Catherine’s idea from the very beginning and now the bewildered three year old was being left constantly with the nanny. Sav made sure that he spent quality time with Emma during the day so that she would become familiar with her daddy. However, a daddy and a nanny cannot replace with warmth and affection of a mother’s love. Although Catherine was not her true mother, she was all she had and now Catherine was abandoning her because of her own insecurities.

Sav knew his wife well enough that she always worked through problems rather quickly and didn’t hold grudges. However, a three year old doesn’t understand that, especially when Sav kept hearing Emma call out for ‘Cath’.

Sav had approached Catherine only once on the subject and, after listening to what he had to say, only nodded and asked for a little more time.

Sav just wondered how much more time she needed, if she didn’t break first.

The turning point came one morning a few days later. Sav was in the shower, while Catherine was in the kitchen giving the boys their breakfast before taking them to school. Anna walked in the kitchen with Emma after getting her washed and dressed.

"Cath! Cath!"

Catherine looked up at Emma stretching her arm out to her and calling her name. Her heart hurt for the little girl who didn’t understand why Catherine all but ignored her after spending so much time with her in the beginning following her arrival.

Catherine smiled weakly at the little girl before turning to Anna.

"Good morning Anna."

"Good morning Catherine…..boys," Anna said as she tussled Richard and Steven’s heads before after placing Emma in her little chair.

Emma looked at Richard and Steven warily, feeling like strangers since she had been sequestered from them as well these last several days. The only people Emma truly knew right now were Anna and Sav. Emma then began to look around.

"Where daddy?"

Catherine didn’t answer, leaving it up to Anna. "Daddy will be down shortly, Emma. Here, have some toast and juice."

"Mum, can I go to Tommy’s after my game this afternoon? His dad’s gonna be there and bring us back."

"Well, I don’t see anything wrong with that Richard," Catherine replied. "I just have to run it by your dad. Just make sure you call here when you get to Tommy’s house to let us know you got there."

"I will mum," Richard said.

"Mum…..I forgot," Steven said as he dashed out of his chair then back. "Here…I…I drew it in school yesterday. The teacher gave us glue and glitter to work with."

"Oooh, let me see Steven," Catherine said as she took the piece of construction paper and looked at the uneven figures spattered with colored glitter here and there."

"I…I drew a picture of all of us, mum," Steven said proudly. "See….that’s you and dad and…..that’s supposed to be Anna….and there’s Richard…."

"Steven, what’s that little….um……..blob of pink glitter?"

Steven rolled his eye. "Mum! That’s supposed to be Emma."

Catherine’s heart fell and her shame returned to fill her. Here she’d been neglecting the precious three year old sitting across from her, yet her five year old son didn't forget to include her in his ‘family’ picture. What happened wasn’t Emma’s fault, yet Catherine was inwardly taking it out on her.

"Steven this…….this is wonderful. Here, put it on the refrigerator with one of the magnets."

"Okay mum," Steven said as he proudly displayed his artwork. Just then the phone rang. Anna answered it and, after a few moments, hung up and turned to Catherine.

"Oh Catherine, that was my daughter. She’s home sick from work today with a terrible cold and can’t find anyone to take her daughter to school. If I could leave to go get her and bring her to school, I can take the boys with me and drop them off on the way."

Catherine immediately agreed with Anna’s request, however, it would mean that she’d be alone with Emma for a while.

"Y…yes, Anna. Of course. Go and take your granddaughter to school. Boy’s get your things and go with Anna. She’s gonna take you to school."

Richard and Steven rushed about before darting back to Catherine to kiss her goodbye.

"Bye mum," Richard said.

"Bye mum," Steven said.

Both boys left with Anna trailing behind. The entire time, little Emma’s big blue eyes quietly watched the exchange between Catherine and her sons, all the while nibbling on her toast. When Catherine was left alone in the kitchen with Emma, she immediately got up and busied herself with the dishes, if only to avoid having to look at or talk to her.

While she was at the sink, little Emma spoke one word that almost caused Catherine’s legs to collapse.

"Mum."

Catherine froze for a second before turning around. Little Emma climbed off her chair and walked over to Catherine and tugged at the leg of her jeans.

"Mum," she said again.

She obviously was listening to the way Richard and Steven called her ‘mum’ and, figuring her real mum wasn’t coming back, she sought out Catherine to be the substitute.

Catherine looked down at her and pulled her hand away from her jeans. "No, Emma….I’m not your mum. Your mum is……..she’s not here. She’s not coming back, but your……home is here now. You have your daddy and……."

"No!" Emma yelled out, before grabbing Catherine’s leg again. "You….you my mum."

Catherine stood there shaking, her cool resolve over this entire situation beginning to crumble. The glass in her hand trembled as she threw it into the sink, causing it to shatter. She then turned to Emma and almost violently pulled her away from her.

"I said….I’m not your mum! I’m not! I never will be!"

Catherine ran out of the kitchen and into the living room where she sat on the couch, buried her head in her hands and cried. Just then, the pitter patter of three year old feet came running into the living room.

"Mum-a," Emma cried. "Mum-a…..peeze. Peeze, mum-a.’

Catherine looked up to see Emma fall to the floor, curl herself in a ball and cry those words. It was the one move that totally broke Catherine.

She instantly realized that she could not take her insecurities out on this little girl. She was an innocent victim in all of this. Catherine agreed without hesitation to care from her and now she was going back on her word because…..because this little girl was the one she couldn’t give her husband.

Catherine’s guilt over what she had done in emotionally abusing this child overwhelmed her. Everything that had happened these past two months had come to a head here and now. Forgotten for the moment was her husband’s drunken infidelity and the strain between them. All that mattered right now was this innocent three year old crying for her mum, thinking no one wants her.

Catherine bolted off the couch and knelt beside Emma on the floor. She took Emma in her arms to which Emma wrapped her body tightly around Catherine as she sniffled in between crying.

"Oh Emma," Catherine’s said with a cracked voice. "Oh luv, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Yes, Emma….you….you can call me mum. I’ll be your mum. I’m the only one you have right now. Its gonna be alright sweetheart. Everything’s gonna be alright. Oh, you’ve been through so much, you poor thing. You’re still too young to realize whats going on around you. And I haven’t helped matters any. I’m sorry Emma. Mum’s sorry. You’ll be alright now. I’m here……mum’s here."

Catherine sat on the floor rocking Emma back and forth until her crying subsided. When it did, Catherine felt as if she were being watched. When she looked up, she saw Sav, who had walked in and witnessed the entire scenario. The look on his face was one of regret, elation and hope. Regret, for what he put his family through with his one night indiscretion; elation that his wife had agreed to stand by him and give their marrige another chance, and hope that what he had just witnessed meant the beginning of a new start together.

Catherine carefully stood up with Emma in her arms and walked over to her husband. Sav met her halfway. When they reached each other, Sav engulfed the two ladies in his life in his arms in a fierce hug, kissing them both.

"Catherine," he whispered. "Are you alright? Is everything gonna be alright?"

Catherine looked up at him, feeling all the same emotions he was. "Yes. Yes, Rick. Everything’s gonna be fine. I’m so sorry about the other night. I….I know I had to get over it, but I had no right to take it out on Emma. If this is the only little girl I’ll ever have, then so be it. She’s part of you, which means she’ll be part of me, in some way."

Sav hugged her even tighter, almost crushing her. "Cath…oh luv, I think we both learned something from this incident. I know how hard its been for you to accept this. Discovering a husband’s infidelity is a bitter pill for any wife to swallow. I hope over time you’ll be able to forgive me for what I did."

"And, I hope you can forgive me for how I acted. Taking Emma in was my idea from the start, and I acted horribly towards her. All because of my foolish selflessness."

Sav looked at her. "Then lets make today the start of a new beginning – all around." He then looked at Emma and took her tiny hand in his. "What do you think, luv? How about the three of us spend the day together doing something fun, hmmm?"

Emma grabbed Sav’s finger and whispered against it. "Daddy."

"That’s right luv," Sav said. "I’ll be there with you today. And……and so will….mum."

Catherine looked down at Emma to gage her response. Emma turned in her arms and hugged Catherine’s neck. "Mum."

The three of them stood in the living room in silence for a few moments, slowly erasing away the bitterness of the last two months and looking forward to days filled with blissful happiness for the rest of their lives.