A site dedicated to our nations fearless and clueless leader...George W. Bush.
When W. was a young boy...he had a dream to grow up to be just like his daddy. A dream to be the greatest President of the United States. Unfortunately he couldn't be both his daddy and the greatest president in history, so he just decided to be like his daddy.
After receiving his bachelor's degree from Yale University in 1968, young W went on to become a F-102 pilot in the Texas Air National Guard...everyone knows how those trailer parks need all the extra protection they can get. While he tired with the life of being a hero, he decided to head back to school. After a few confrontations with the law and alcohol, he received a Master of Business Administration from Harvard Business School in 1975.
With this newfound knowledge and power, he began a career in the energy business in Midland, Texas. In 1980, W's oil business, Arbusto, kept going strong...thanks to numerous donations from his family and international financiers trying to make nice with his father, who was at the time Vice President. Eventually W merged his business, now called Bush Energy, with a company called Spectrum 7 in 1984. W was named Chairman and CEO of Spectrum 7, giving him the salary of $75,000.
Things seemed to be working well for young W. Then, in a six-month period in 1986, Spectrum 7 lost $400,000 and owed more than $3 million with no hope of paying those debts off. It seemed Spectrum 7 was heading to a screeching halt.
Then came a break in the clouds by the name of Alan Quasha, a New York Lawyer and owner of Harken Energy Corporation. After a few minor business trades and merges, W was named to the Harken board of directors. Those pathetic fools kept giving him more chances and more power. So what does he do? He assembled the group of partners that purchased the Texas Rangers baseball franchise in 1989.
He was a managing partner of the Texas Rangers for a few years until he was elected the Governor of Texas on November 8, 1994. The state of Texas was cheering so loud they didn't hear the eulogy being read as their state became the butt of all jokes...and reelected him again. He became the first Governor in Texas history to be elected to consecutive four-year terms when he was re-elected on November 3, 1998.
In the midst of Texas's downfall, W met Laura Welch, former teacher and librarian, and the two got married. Together, they had twin daughters, Jenna and Barbara...both of which don't support their daddy's militarism enough to enlist into the military.
Now with an ego bigger than the state he was governing, he decided to step up to a higher level of control and ran for president in 2000. Was George W. really ready? A leader with a gentleman's C may no longer cut it in a world where speed and smarts rule. Bush wouldn't have to worry so much about performance if he had a compelling life story to give him gravitas. Unfortunately for him, he's had the least eventful personal history of any major political figure in modern memory. Until his 1994 election as governor of Texas, Dubya lived deep in his father's shadow. President H.W. Bush was an academic and athletic star at Andover and Yale, a war hero and successful oilman. George W. was an academic slacker at the same schools, a mediocre athlete, a member of the Texas Air National Guard during the Vietnam War and an unsuccessful oilman. Before politics, he was probably best known for the nicknames he attached to people--a hipper and more sarcastic version of the Saturday Night Live character who gives everyone he meets a name while 'makin' copies.'
Yet, by some miracle, the public was too distracted by his uni-brow and knack for saying the wrong thing...and voted for him. Our country's intellectuals were shocked that boy king George had won. The whole time, Texas was partying like it was still 1992...so four years have passed and now the country, having much faith in itself, believed it made the right decision.
That was before the war in Iraq, the national debt raising to 7.6 trillion, unemployment climbing, and actually seeing the new leader in action. But somehow it still wasn't enough to rain on his parade...he was reelected AGAIN against former persidential candidate and senator of Massachusetts John Kerry...quite a worthy opponent. Just not as worthy as Al Gore, it seems, because W's win was higher this time around than it was against Gore.
So what do we have now? A country without any hope and optimism for the future. But hey, at least we'll have oil.
One day I was wandering down the endless aisles at my local Barnes and Noble and happened across the calendar section. I'm very particular about which calendar tells me the day of the week and it seemed that none were worthy of a spot on my desk. Just as I was about to leave, one caught my eye: A calendar of Bushisms...365 days of the dumbest things the 43rd president of the United States has ever said. I struck gold. And I've been laughing ever since. But it's not fair for me to keep this satire and humor all to myself. So with out further ado...drumroll please...I present to you the contradictory, humorous, grammatically incorrect, and yet disappointing BUSHISMS!
"Oftentimes what I try to say in Washington gets filtered and sometimes my words in Washington don't exactly translate directly to the people."
-Kalamazoo, Michigan; March 27, 2001
"I think we agree, the past is over."
-On his meeting with John McCain, quoted in the Dallas Morning News; May 10, 2000
"First, we would not accept a treaty that would not have been ratified, nor a treaty that I thought made sense for the country."
-On the Kyoto accord in an interview with the Washington Post; April 24, 2001
"The administration is doing everything we can to end the stalemate in an efficient way. We're making the right decisions to bring the solution to an end."
-Washington, D.C.; April 10, 2001
"I'm also not very analytical. You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things."
-Aboard Air Force One; June 4, 2003
"They said, 'You know, this issue doesn't seem to resignate with the people.' And I said, you know something? Whether it resignates or not doesn't matter to me, because I stand for doing what's the right thing, and what the right thing is hearing the voices of people who work."
-Portland, Oregon; October 31, 2000
"One year ago today, the time for excuse-making has come to and end."
-Washington, D.C.; January 8, 2003
"You teach a child to read, and he or she will be able to pass a literacy test."
-Townsend, Tennessee; February 21, 2001
"See, we love-we love freedom. That's what they didn't understand. They hate things; we love things. They act out of hatred; we don't see revenge, we seek justice out of love."
-Oklahoma City; August 29, 2002
"I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves."
-Washington, D.C.; September 21, 2003
"We're concerned about AIDS inside our White House-make no mistake about it."
-Washington, D.C.; February 7, 2001
"First, let me make it very clear, poor people aren't necessarily killers. Just because you happen to be not rich doesn't mean you're willing to kill."
-Washington, D.C.; May 19, 2003
"My administration has been calling upon all the leaders in the-in the Middle East to do everything they can to stop the violence, to tell the different parties involved that peace will never happen."
-Crawford, Texas; August 13, 2001
"Do you have blacks, too?"
-To Brazilian president Fernando Cardoso; Washington, D.C.; November 8, 2001
"I urge the leaders in Europe and around the world to take swift, decisive action against terror groups such as Hamas, to cut off their funding, and to support-cut funding and support, as the United States has done."
-Washington, D.C.; June 25, 2003
"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case."
-Pella, Iowa; as quoted by the San Antonio Express-News; January 30, 2000
"I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well."
-Washington, D.C.; January 29, 2001
"I understand small business growth. I was one."
-New York Daily News; February 19, 2000
"Now, there are some who would like to rewrite history-revisionist historians is what I like to call them."
-Elisabeth, New Jersey; June 16, 2003
"The best way to relieve families from time is to let them keep some of their own money."
-Westminster, California; September 13, 2000
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?."
-Florence, Carolina; January 11, 2000
"I don't think we need to be subliminable about the differences between our views on prescription drugs."
-Orlando, Florida; September 12, 2000
"I'm the master of low expectations."
-Aboard Air Force One; June 4, 2003
"I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating."
-As quoted in U.S. News & World Report; April 3, 2000
"I recently met with the finance minister of the Palestinian Authority, was very impressed by his grasp of finances."
-Washington, D.C.; May 29, 2003
"I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun."
-St. Louis; October 18, 2000
"In other words, I don't think people ought to be compelled to make the decision which they think is best for their family."
-Washington, D.C.; December 11, 2002
"You saw the president yesterday. I thought he was very forward-leaning, as they say in diplomatic nuanced circles."
-Reffering to his meeting with Russian president Vladimir Putin; Rome; July 23, 2001
"People make suggestions on what to say all the time. I'll give you an example; I don't read what's handed to me. People say, 'Here, here's your speech, or here's an idea for a speech.' They're changed. Trust me."
-Interview with the New York Times; March 15, 2000
"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating."
-As quoted by the New York Daily News; April 23, 2002
"Dick Cheney and I do not want this nation to be in a recession. We want anybody who can find work to be able to find work."
-60 Minutes II; December 5, 2000
"Oftentimes, we live in a processed world - you know, people focus on the process and not the results."
-Washington, D.C.; May 29, 2003
"I want to thank you for coming to the white house to give me an opportunity to urge you to work with these five senators and three congressmen, to work hard to get this trade promotion authority moving. The power that be, well most of the power that be, sits right here."
-Washington, D.C.; June 18, 2001
"I think war is a dangerous place."
-Washington, D.C.; May 7, 2003
"Our country puts $1 billion a year up to feed the hungry. And we're by far the most generous nation in the world when it comes to that, and I'm proud to report that. This isn't a contest of who's the most generous. I'm just telling you as an aside. We're generous. We shouldn't be bragging about it. But we are. We're very generous."
-Washington, D.C.; July 16, 2003
"I also have picked a secretary for Housing and Human Development. Mel Martinez from the state of Florida."
-Austin, Texas; December 20,2000
"And if you're interested in the quality of education and you're paying attention to what you hear at Laclede, why don't you volunteer? Why don't you mentor a child how to read?"
-St. Louis; January 5, 2004
"We'll be a great country where the fabrics are made up of groups and loving centers."
-Kalamazoo, Michigan; March 27, 2001
"It's your money. You paid for it."
-LaCrosse, Wisconsin; October 18, 2000
"I think the private savings accounts ought to come from the payroll taxes people contribute into the Social Security trust. And this is an important issue that I'm going to prioritize right after I'm elected."
-Announcing a cabinet appointment; December 20, 2000
"I know there's a lot of young ladies who are growing up wondering whether or not they can be champs. And they see the championship teams from USC and University of Portland here, girls who worked hard to get to where they are, and they're wondering about the examples they're setting. What is life choices about?"
-Washington, D.C.; February 24, 2003
More to come at the end of the month!
Anti-Bush sites
John Kerry's website
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Bush Parody Site
Anti-Bush.com
The truth behind the W
