January 2002
It was about noon in the "Weezer-hood", as Pat so creatively called it. Pat lived next door to the giant mansion where Rivers lived and kept Brian and Scott. Karl also lived on the complex in the poolhouse for convenience, unlike the other band members who lived on the property because Rivers wanted to keep an eye on them.
Rivers rolled out of bed and shuffled groggily toward the kitchen. There he saw Scott, in sweats, all messy and sweaty from his daily regiment of pumping iron. Scott was making himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
"Sandwiches time?," Rivers asked him.
"Yup," Scott Replied.
"Where's Brian?," Rivers asked, looking around the room.
Scott smirked. "I've got 20 dollars saying that he will come out of the shower in about 15 minutes. He's already been in there for two-and-a-half hours."
Rivers immediately snickered and then thought for a brief moment. "I'm in! I say Brian will take another hour." Rivers then proceeded to pour himself a bowl of cereal. As Rivers started to pour milk into the bowl, Brian finally exited the bathroom.
Brian whistled as he left the steamy bathroom. As he walked down the hallway, he passed a full length mirror. Brian stopped and then went back to the mirror. He gazed at himself for a minute. He played with his hair a little and then flashed himself a huge smile. "Hey, guys," he said, as he walked into the room.
Scott laughed. "Pay up, bro," he said to Rivers.
Rivers responded with a laugh of his own. "No way! You said 15 minutes, not five."
"I was closer. Pay up!"
"Shut up, biotch! I'm not gonna pay you!"
After about a minute of fighting, Scott rolled his eyes and gave a deep sigh. "Fine. We'll call it a draw. Fair enough?"
Brian looked puzzled. He had no clue what just went on. "Ummm... guys? What's going on?"
Scott turned bright red. "Oh. Nothing," he said quietly.
"Oh...," Brian replied. He maintained the look of bewilderment for a minute, but then his face changed back to a huge grin. "I'm gonna do my laundry, guys," he said, walking back out of the room.
Just then, there was a knock at the door. Scott answered the knocking. It was Pat.
"Hey, Pat, what's going on?," asked Scott.
"Oh, not much. My woman's making me do some chores, so I decided to sneak over here," Pat replied.
"Cool. Make yourself at home. I have to take a shower, though," Scott replied.
Pat eyed Scott over. Scott was still all messy from his workout. "Brian finally got out, eh?," he laughed. "Trust me. I don't mind. By the looks of you, you need it." Scott pretended to look offended for a minute, but then laughed and headed off for the bathroom.
Brian had entered the room during the conversation. He looked baffled again. "I got out of what?," Brian asked, in response to the comment Pat had made about Brian finally finishing his primming.
Pat paused for a minute, remembering that comment. "Uhh... nothing. I'm going to play some video games, okay?"
"Okay!," Brian said, a huge smile returning to his face.
Brian continued his laundry, Pat began playing video games, Scott was in the shower, and Rivers was finishing his breakfast. Just then, the phone rang. Rivers, sitting near the phone, answered it. "Hello?"
"Hey, it's me," Karl said on the other end, "Pat's wife just came over here looking for him. Is he at your place?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, you'd better hide him, because she's coming over."
"Shit!"
"Good luck figuring out what to do. Talk to you later!"
Rivers frantically hung up the phone as Brian walked through the kitchen, dusting off his hands. Rivers grabbed him and frantically ran into the living room where Pat was playing video games.
"Okay, here's the deal. Pat, you're wife is coming over, so we have to hide you somewhere. Brian! You must keep Pat's wife busy while we hide him. You'll know when Pat's hidden when I meet up with you guys, got it?"
Brian smiled again. "Okay!"
"Now, where are we going to hide you...?," Rivers muttered.
"How about under Scott's bed?," Pat suggested.
"No! That's a stupid idea!"
"She's coming," Brian yelled from the other room.
"Here we go," Rivers said, "This closed over here should be perfect." Rivers grabbed the doorknob. "Shit! The door is jammed. It won't open"
Conveniently, Scott walked by, fresh out of the shower. "Are you guys having trouble? Here, let me get it."
Scott rammed himself into the door, and it opened. All three looked in. "OH MY GOD!!!!," they yelled upon seeing what had been trapped in the closet.
"What the hell is that?," Scott said.
"Holy Shit!," Pat said in utter amazement.
"So that's where he went!," Rivers added.
In a heap, Mikey was lying in the closet. He was a complete mess.
"Is he dead?," Pat asked, "because I'm not hiding with a dead guy."
"Get in here or else you'll be dead, too," Rivers said, pushing him into the closet.
Pat looked around the dark closet. "Man, it smells gross in here, but I suppose you wouldn't smell the best if you were trapped in a closet for several months. I should take his pulse, but I'm afraid to touch him. He is so nasty."
Just then, Mikey began to twich and groan. He slowly opened his eyes. "Duuuuuuuuude. Pat? How did you get in here, man? Am I dead?"
"No, I'm hiding from my wife. How on earth did you get here?"
"First tell me, how did you get in here?"
"Ummm... the door?"
"No, like, the door was locked."
"You locked yourself in here?"
"It was scary, man. It feels like I've been trapped in here forever. How long has it been, like three, four days?"
"Try more like four or five... MONTHS!!!!"
"Holy shit! That's a long time. I could really go for a cigarette. Do you have any on you?"
"I quit! You knew that!"
Scott then opened the door, letting the two of them out. "She's gone now, Pat."
"Who the hell are you?," Mikey asked, eyeing up Scott.
"I'm Scott. When you disappeared, Rivers hired me to take your place. It was a temporary thing until they eventually gave up looking for you."
"Well pack your bags, fucker, I'm back!"
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me!"
"Mikey," Pat interrupted, "why don't you take a shower and clean yourself up. You look disgusting. Rivers, Brian, and I will decide what to do."
"Yeah, so they can take me back," Mikey said with a smartass smile.
"Fuck you!," Scott yelled.
"Hey now," interrupted Pat, "Scott why don't you just chill out. Mikey, TAKE A SHOWER!!! Rivers, Brian, and I will discuss the situation later." Mikey stormed off to the bathroom and Scott stormed off to his room.
Later that evening, Rivers, Brian, and Pat gathered at Karl's place. "Okay, so Mikey has returned. What are we going to do?," Rivers said, starting the meeting.
"Go shopping!," Brian yelled with a cheesy grin. Everybody shot Brian a dirty look. He shrank back into his chair. "Just... kidding... guys..."
"Well, we can't just get rid of Scott," Pat said, continuing the meeting.
"...but we can't just kick Mikey out on his ass either," Brian added.
"If you ask me," Pat continued, "Scott is a much better bassist."
"Scott is an awesome bassist, but Mikey was good, too, and he has nowhere to go. I would feel bad if Mikey was left out in the cold," Brian said.
"...but Scott better fits the sound we have going on now," Pat argued back.
"Alright already!," Rivers yelled, sick of the fighting. "Here's what we're going to do..."
The next morning, a meeting was called, this time with both Mikey and Scott present. "Mikey. Scott," Rivers said, commencing the meeting. "We have come to a decision." Mikey and Scott looked at each other and then they both looked down at the floor. Rivers continued, "Scott, for you, things will be the same as before. You will still play bass for us."
"YEEEEESSSS!!!!," Scott yelled.
Mikey grew teary eyed and began to sniffle. "What about me, Rivers?"
"You will live here, but you will help out around the house. Since Scott is staying in your old cell... err... room, you will be living in Pat's old room. Helping out around the house will include cleaning and other random tasks. You'll do, basically, whatever I tell you to do."
Mikey ran up to Rivers and gave him a big hug. "Thank you! I won't let you down. I looooooove you!"
"Mikey, you can let go now," an almost suffocated Rivers choked out.
