Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V: The Making of Fletz Men V…
Fletz Men V: Everything you Want
PRIS is sitting in front of his computer.
PRIS
It’s been like a month now. After the lackluster Fletz Men IV, I need to make this one
the best Fletz Men ever.
PRIS suddenly gets a phone call from KARSH.
PRIS
Hey…
KARSH
What’s up?
PRIS
Writing Fletz Men V.
Any suggestions?
KARSH
Yeah, you make too many cracks on me.
Anyway, I was thinking--
PRIS
That’s a first.
KARSH
--And I realized I should be Wolverine!
PRIS
What the f…
KARSH
Hear me out here. I’m
in love with Jen, who’s Jean. She
likes GR, thus making him Cyclops. See
where I’m going?
PRIS
You’re kidding, right?
KARSH
No. Try it,
and make me say "ummm...where exactly is she hiding stuff down her pants if
she's wearing a thong?” at least twice in it!”
PRIS
Uh…who’s hiding what in it a thong?
KARSH
Stop looking for plot holes and write!
Having nothing better to go on, PRIS starts writing a new
Fletz Men where KARSH is Wolverine, GREAPER is Cyclops, and JEN is Angel.
PRIS wonders why JEN is the only person who is referred to by her real
name then gets to writing.
Fletz Men V: Days of Future’s New Mutants Past.
KARSH is standing in his room with JEN.
KARSH
So is that your power. Putting up with that guy?
JEN
No, I’m a telekinetic. I can move things with my mind.
KARSH
What kinds of things?
JEN shuts the doors with her mind.
JEN
All kinds of things.
You’ve all seen the movie, skip to the part where JEN reads KARSH’S mind. JEN sees things like when KARSH went to a Britney Spears concert less than a year before he went to a Tool concert and other eerie stuff.
JEN
I thought you were an angry rebel who hides all of his emotion and only lets a few people see what a good soul he really is despite everything. You’re just a piece of the system.
KARSH
But I like someone who’s taken!
GREAPER
Haven’t we all?
Instead of using his visor, GREAPER enters on a creepy ass pentagram crest thing.
GREAPER
I, on the hand, am the very opposite. I am the gothiest of gothic goths. People over the age of 25 simply refer to us as creeps. I sit around and denounce things like religion, even though I preach my atheism worse than any pastor preaches his faith. I love Angel.
KARSH
No, I love her.
DOCTOR LECTER
No, I love her!
TROUTBOY
No! I have dedicated my whole life to stalking her. She’s mine!!!
All four, totally unlike any X-Men, begins flaming one another. PRIS uses the almighty “Alt+A, Delete” on them.
I don’t think that’ll work Karsh.
The characters… uh… just doesn’t mesh as well as my original cast.
KARSH
Suit yourself. I
got to go. If you’re going to
make a new one though, double-check it. The
last couple of them have been loaded with little errors.
Like Nipala supporting Omega; that wouldn’t happen anymore.
PRIS
That whole ordeal took place after I wrote number four.
KARSH
Uh…
Dial tone.
PRIS
Razza-frazza-frickin’ little.
PRIS begins writing his own Fletz Men V that reflects
his feelings regardless of errors.
Fletz Men V: Adamantium Rage!!!!
KARSH
I’m bored.
FUNKY TED
Same here.
MARSH
Nothing to do now that my rl stepmother Frankie left.
FUNKY JED
I know.
PRISONER 711
I’m Wolverine. I’m-a slice ya’ bub!
OSAMA BIN LADEL
I am evil! Evil I say! Follow my perverted twist on a peaceful faith.
CARSH
Never, Ozana Dim Barrel!
FUNKY HEAD
What he said.
KRONIK
Prepare to feel the wrath of my army of man-eating llamas!
They all fight, but EVIL ASAMO wins.
OKALA
Bwa ha ha!
PIRS
End of the line, dud!
PRISONER starts mercilessly kicking OSAMA’s ass. It is so violent, but it is all right because PRIS is so cool. When this is over, you’ll want the PRISONER 676 merchandise. @_@ You hear me! Buy the damn merchandise! @_@
RL FEMALE FRIEND OF PRIS WHO WILL REMAINED UNNAMED
Wow! That was amazing. Let’s go do it till we go numb Pris!
PRIS
Heh, in your dreams… wait, that IS what I’d say irl now. Eerie…
Pris, realizing this plot won’t be taken seriously, deletes any trace of it. Then he resumes his typical Internet arrangement: Might and Magic VI and AIM. Before long, he gets an IM from Chrono.
CHRONO
PRIS0rxz
PRIS
Heya!
CHRONO
WRITE FLETZ MEN V!!! >=-)
PRIS
I was working on it before. I don’t think this is going to come together like I want it to.
CHRONO
I have an idea!
PRIS
What?
Fletz Men V: Maximum
Otter-Carnage
No Set-Up, no Plot.
This one immediately starts with CHRONO shoving a bat up KARSH’s ass
and swinging that bat into a wall.
CHRONO
Wussy boy!
DIE!
CHRONO then proceeds to
kill GRAVIJA.
CHRONO
BASTARD MOTHER FUCKER
BITCH! DIE!
CHRONO kills every last
person on the board.
CHRONO
Asswipes!
Don’t mess with the Chronoman!
PRIS
BLEH!
Pris proceeds to start a new Word file. No word on if he really deletes this file for good.
PRIS
I’ll think about it.
CHRONO
Okay! That will be the best Fletz Men ever! Wait! Wait!! New idea!
Fletz Men 5: Chrono
(enter strikeout)Fantasy(end strikeout) Reality! >=)
Opening:
Chrono starts naked, in bed with half the girls from RP/FF.
Just then, Karsh walks in, and begins to complain because half the girls
he likes are in bed with Chrono. Chrono then pulls out a baseball bat with metal
spikes and beats Karsh until Karsh r teh dead. then all the girls fuck chrono.
then chrono fucks girls. then Chrono fucks girls. then Girls fuck Chrono.
then
Pris walks in. Pris shows Chrono Fletz Men 6-12 as Chrono laughs his ass
off, and orders Pris to work on 13.
While CHRONO is distracted, PRIS deletes this one entirely and then lies through his teeth to CHRONO.
PRIS
Hmm… I’ll consider it…
CHRONO
Good. >=) I have to go now, but I’ll be back later so… finish Fletz Men 5! And buy Everquest!
PRIS
Uh… k. Bye.
CHRONO leaves. PRIS sighs. PRIS tries writing, but nothing comes to mind. PRIS shuts down the computer and goes to bed. The next day in school, he and that girl are writing notes.
PRIS’S NOTE
Just in the few weeks that we’ve been talking and stuff, I’ve thought you were really cool and really interested, and I want to get to know you better.
The girl takes about ten minutes to respond.
GIRL’S RESPONSE
Cool
The bell rings, and she screams runs the hell out of the room before PRIS can say anything.
PRIS
=(?
That afternoon, PRIS tries writing Fletz Men again.
Fletz Men V: hate hate
hate hate hate!
Rather than set up a
story, PRIS just spears that girl Goldberg-style.
PRIS
You sure were quick to come to me everything you couldn’t find in yourself! Why must you run away when I want the one thing missing in my life: affection?
PRIS'S DAD
Wait, you liked
her? ...but she's so spooky...
PRIS then precedes to
spear all of her friends.
PRIS
My god you people are so
gay! If I actually joined as your
band custodian or whatever the hell it is, I would have been like the only real
guy here! And your stupid jokes
nobody else gets! Don’t you
people know how boring it is to listen to other folk’s inside jokes for an
elongated period of time!?
The violence continues.
PRIS continues to injure person upon person.
While he’s at it, he throws some Taliban asswipe terrorists in the mix
too.
PRIS
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
Suddenly, Pris looks
around at all the people. He
notices that his hands are soaked in blood, particularly his claws, which
instead of are jutting from his fingertips instead of the back of his hands.
He raises his head back and roars!
PRIS wakes up.
PRIS
What the hell?
He decides to go on the computer where he finds Grav.
GRAV
Hi
PRIS
Hey.
GRAV
You should start Fletz Men V. I was thinking it should have guns! And violence!
PRIS
And pie?
GRAV
And Pie!
PRIS
Sigh
PRIS tries writing a Fletz Men catering to Gravija this time.
FLETZ MEN V: I got pie.
GRAV
I wasn’t gonna shoot up
the mods, but I got pie. (Ooooooooooh ooh)
I was gonna make the flaming stop because I got pie!(La dat da)
Now I’m banned for life
and I know why! (Hey hey)
EVERYONE
Because I got pie!
Because I got pie! Because I got Pi~ii~ie!
EVERYONE eats a pie even
though none of them get the running joke. I
sure know I don’t. Do you?
I didn’t think so.
There is a knock on PRIS’s door. PRIS opens it and finds AFROMAN there.
PRIS
Can I help you?
AFROMAN
You sho’ as hell can motherfucka’! Don’t try using my jam without my written consent.
AFROMAN was gonna sue the pants off of Pris, but he got high (Ooooooooh ooh). Pris deletes the whole thing anyway. PRIS begins writing his typical Fletz Men with poignant attacks at things on the board like SHIRLEY’s lameass topics where she demands we kiss her feet or she’ll leave us or ROSE and N’s bisexual love affair, even though they’re like 11 years old and somehow I doubt they consider actually being lovers in the sexual sense of the term. Don’t ask me how, but JASPER WOLF gets word of what I’m writing.
JASPER WOLF
HI PRIS! :D
PRIS
Umm… hi.
JASPER
I was cool about this Fletz Men stuff before, but this is crossing the line dammit! You need to stop this cruel practice of making fun of everyone on the board. Those people are my friends dammit! Why…
PRIS walks away, goes to the bathroom, washes his hands, fixes himself dinner,
takes a shower, and returns to his computer some time later.
JASPER
…And that’s why you must stop.
PRIS
Sure.
PRIS deletes the closest thing he’s written to a good FLETZ MEN thus far and attempts to write a newer, friendlier FLETZ MEN…
FLETZ MEN V: Right to
Censor.
KARSH, PRIS, and CHRONO
are sitting there. KARSH and CHRONO
are friends because nobody here ever fights.
We just all love one another in its purest, most platonic form.
KARSH
So what do you want to
do?
CHRONO
Are there any villains
for us to battle?
PRIS
Nope, can’t battle our
fellow posters because it might be deemed offensive.
CHRONO
Oh…
The three sit there for
another half hour.
KARSH
This sucks…
CHRONO
Yeah…
ROSE
(sigh)
If I could say it,
this’d be gay…
PRIS destroys any evidence of this before it can go any further.
PRIS
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! Ten pages of senseless writing, and nothing! I quit, there’s not going to be a Fletz Men V...