DUCT TAPE: Talpa + Tape = A Warlord Rebellion
by Ebonhawk

"Dais?"

"....."

"Are you ignoring me?"

"....."

"Dais?!"

"....."

"DAIS!!!"

"....."

"I give up."

He pulled the earphones off and looked up at Cale. "Huh? You wanted something?"

Sekhmet snorted and then quickly hid his face behind a rumpled newspaper that had been lying on the table when Cale glared maliciously at him.

"Never mind," Cale told Dais irritably and flopped down on the couch. He snagged the remote and clicked on the TV, then proceeded to channel surf.

Dais shrugged and popped the earphones back on. He mumbled along with the words as he made nude drawings of Kayura and Mia in his sketchbook filled with other such works (although he never showed the book to any of the others...they'd have a heyday teasing him if they ever saw the ones of Halo - whom he considered just too beautifully put together, even though he was a guy, to *not* capture in his work). "...you caught me with your web of youth but now I know the wicked truth..."

On the recliner, with the footrest up and the whole of it reclined as far as possible, Anubis made partially awake noises, rolled over onto his side, then re-settled into restful sleep. The multi-colored afghan he'd draped over himself had nearly deposited itself on the floor with this last repositioning.

"...it much too late so what's the use in fighting..."

Peering over the top of his paper, Sekhmet heaved a sigh, his shoulders slumping. "I'm so bored," he muttered, dropping the newspaper to the table. "Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, *bored*." He was totally ignored by the others. Sekhmet heaved another giant sigh and was about to continue his rant when the door burst open.

Kayura raged into the room, her fury blazing in almost visible flames about her body.

"...er..." was the only sound that escaped Sekhmet's lips. Kayura was not one to be messed with when she was in a mood.

"He is such a PIG! An absolute *chauvinist* PIG!" she howled.

"Wha-?" Anubis mumbled, his eyes popping open as Kayura's shrill voice forced him awake. He made smacking slobbery sounds with his lips in the ancient fashion of those just waking. There was a loud clap as Dais snapped his sketchbook shut and flew to his feet, blinking his startlement.

"Who?" Cale muttered, barely taking the time to flick his eyes from the television screen.

"Talpa, that's who!"

"What did he do?" Sekhmet asked, not quite sure if he wanted to know.

She stalked over to where Dais stood and, standing beside him, growled, "He told me that if I was 'nice' to him, he would consider giving me a raise."

"And that has you this worked up?" Dais wondered, watching Kayura out the corner of his eye...which was rather difficult as she was on his blind side.

Lifting her hand, fingers clawed, the woman frowned and said, "No, that's *not* what has me worked up, spider boy. The fact that after he said it he grabbed my ass like this-" she swung her hand down and clutched one firm butt-cheek, making Dais squeak and stand on his toes in reaction, "-is what has me worked up!"

Turning on her quickly, Dais protested. "I did *not* need a physical demonstration, Kay!"

With an apologetic look, she removed her hand and said, "Sorry. And don't call me Kay."

Dais stuck out his tongue and was promptly whapped hard on the arm.

"Ow..."

"I did it, Badamon ol' buddy. I touched her perfect little rear," Talpa gloated.

"Yes," the magic-wielding nether spirit agreed, "and she slapped you a good one for it, too."

"But I shall wear this indentation across my mask with pride," the evil emperor proclaimed. "It's a badge of my accomplishment."

Badamon sighed. His hentai of a master and bar-hopping chum would pay for his actions someday, he knew. He wouldn't be too surprised if it happened soon, either.

The next day...

Dais sat at the table, eyeing the cards in his hand. He looked around, carefully gauging the faces of his opponents. Who had it?

"Come *on*, Dais!" Anubis cried in frustration, flinging a hand through the air while carefully keeping his own cards concealed in the other. "It does *not* take this long!"

Huffing in irritation, he replied, "It does for me. Um...Cale, do you have a three?"

"Nope. Go fish."

"Dammit." The Warlord of Illusion reach for the pile of cards stacked in the center of the round table, but was stopped short when the door of the game room burst open.

The three Dark Warlords spun quickly to see who it was. Thankfully, not Kayura this time. No, instead, it was Sekhmet.

"That *bleep* *bleep*!! I hope the *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep* Ronins beat the *bleep* out of the *bleep*!"

"Woah...he was censored," Cale commented in amused awe. He was then thrown from his seat by a tightly clenched fist slamming into his cheek. Laying more than a little dazed on the floor, Cale managed to say, "Hello, Sekh..." and then he was out cold.

Anubis calmly laid his cards face down, folded his hands together - elbows planted on the table, then rested his chin on his thumbs. "Well now, Sekh-a-roonie...what seems to be the problem?"

Growling, Sekhmet shot a poisonous look at the redhead. "I'll give you three guesses."

"Ah, Talpa, I take it?" Dais queried.

"Exactly," Sekhmet hissed. "The f-...FLUFFIN' dumbf-...FLUFF ordered me to f-...FLUFFIN' polish his f-...FLUFFIN' boots!!! Spit-shine, no less! In front of everyone!!! Said he'd give me a raise! Did he?! HECK no!!! Not the kind I wanted, anyway. He FLUFFIN' threw me at the ceiling! GOSH DARNED FLUFF!!!"

Dais and Anubis were literally choking on their laughter on Sekhmet's attempt to avoid the censors.

"Don't laugh at me! You try watching your language like this, you f-...FLUFFERS!"

The two Warlords fell out of their chairs as they folded over in sniggering fits.

"Yeah, you two just wait until he pulls this *bleep* on you!" Sekhmet growled, frustrated by the author's tight reign on his verbal self-expression.

"Oh, that was a good one. He definitely got a 'raise', I would say!" Badamon grinned.

"Heh...I've always wanted to do that to snake boy. He just seems to cry out 'HURT ME!', doesn't he?" Talpa replied, feeling incredibly pleased with himself. "Those stupid kids. No wonder they haven't beaten the Ronin brats yet."

"Oooooooo! Harsh, man. That was harsh."

The day after that...

Kayura's ponytail bounced around wildly as she followed the movements of the far too perky aerobics instructor that chattered away while bouncing around on the television. She mumbled along with the background music, lifting one knee high, then the other, swinging her arms through strange contortions as she sweated the morning away.

The door then slammed wide open.

Dropping immediately into a defensive crouch, she swung around on the door and then blinked bemusedly. "So, what did he do to *you*, Cale?" she asked the Warlord, who appeared way more than slightly steamed.

"I don't want to talk about it," the blue-haired Warlord of Darkness...or was that Corruption?...growled as he flopped into his favorite recliner and snatched up the television remote. He pounded his way through the channels remorselessly.

Kayura sighed and dropped a towel around her shoulders. Guess her workout was over for today because there was no way she was prying the remote out of Cale's hand. As with all males, that remote was an extension of his power...and who was she to mess with a man and his extension?

She left the room and headed for the shower.

"I *told* you it would piss him off! *What* has he done to deserve a raise? I ask you this in all sincerity," Talpa grinned wickedly.

"Yes, I see that. But...did you really have to threaten to take away his glowworm doll? You know Cale can't sleep without it."

"Badamon, Badamon, Badamon...are you sure you're evil?"

The day after that...

Dais, Sekhmet, and Kayura were playing a quick game of Pin the Tail on the Sleeping Warlord. And Cale...well, he was the Sleeping Warlord.

The blindfold had just been tied around Sekhmet's eyes and the other two were in the process of spinning him when Anubis wandered numbly into the room. He blinked and stared at the snickering trio as Sekhmet's rotations were stopped and he was aimed in the general direction of the couch, where Cale lay with his back turned to them, sawing logs so thick it was amazing that he didn't wake *himself* up.

"*snerk*...Okay...heh...get 'im, Sekh...hee hee hee..." Dais' shoulders shook with vicious glee.

Sekhmet stumbled forward, hands scribing searching paths through the air before him. He slammed his shin hard against the coffee table and groaned in pain, but still, he moved onward. Scooting his way around the low table, he felt ahead of him with his foot and touched the front of the couch. Yes! That meant Cale was right in front of him.

Bouncing a little as Sekhmet closed in on his target, Kayura grinned as the Warlord of Venom pulled his hand back and then plunged it forward...

"YAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Cale flew into the air a good three feet, now most definitely awake. He landed and swung around to glare at Sekhmet, who stood grinning above him, blindfold pulled down around his neck.

"Heya, Cale! Have a good nap?" was all Sekhmet could say before he found himself suddenly buried on the floor under the blue-haired Warlord as tightly coiled fists slammed into him.

Wincing, Dais and Kayura turned away from the soon-to-be gruesome scene. It was only then that they noticed the glum-looking Anubis sitting at the regular table on the far side of the room.

"Hey, what happened?" Kayura asked kindly. Anubis glanced up at her, sighed, and then looked away. "Oh no...he said no to you, too, didn't he?"

"Looks like it," Dais commented.

"I really coulda used the extra money," the redhead muttered, picking idly at a hole that was forming in his sleeve.

"He's such a wuss, I swear," Talpa spouted. "One of these day I just know he's gonna go goodie two-shoes on me."

"I think you're right. He just doesn't seem to fit the evil person profile too well, does he?" Badamon thought aloud.

"Ah well. He ain't gettin' a raise, that's for sure."

The next day...

"Heh...look at that! Kayura's playin' with her Barbies!" Cale howled with laughter.

"Hey! Is your Ken with Barbie or G.I. Joe?!" cackled Sekhmet.

Kayura scowled at the two Warlords and gathered her highly collectible fashion dolls together. She wasn't going to put up with any nonsense from anyone who couldn't appreciate them. "'Nubis? Could you help me take these back to my room?"

Cale and Sekhmet hooted and hollered as a load of dolls was put into Anubis' arms. The redhead glared at them and was about to say something not so nice when the door burst open (yes, again). Everyone swung around to see an incredibly miffed Dais glowering in the doorway. A heavy silence filled the room.

"Drop the dolls and come with me," he growled.

Having been faced with this before, everyone knew it was better for them in the long run to do as Dais said. Kayura didn't want to end up swaying in the breeze by her hair again. Cale and Sekhmet ...well, let's just say they never wanted to see barnyard animals in quite that way again. And Anubis...no, we're better off if we just don't talk about what happened to him.

The dolls hit the floor and they all trailed quietly after the white-haired man, looking for all the world like a bunch of chastised children.

Dais led them through the halls and into the kitchen, where he stopped in front of a column of drawers. He yanked open the one lowest to the floor and dug through the crap it contained therein. Out of this junk drawer, Dais pulled forth five matching items, which he then passed out amongst his companions.

"Don't tell me we never learned anything fighting against those Ronin whelps," Dais proclaimed, clutching his own item securely.

Slowly, a communal vicious grin worked its way across all five faces.

"Were you serious when you said you would squish all of his spiders?"

"Nah. I'd never be able to catch them all. There's so many of the damn things I'm sure I'd miss most of them." Well, Talpa continued in thought, that's all of them. No more fun until they all get a bug up their posteriors to ask me again. He leaned back into the almost comfortable, but not quite, grasp of his throne. Well, he could send Cale and Sekhmet after the Ronins if he got bored. That was always good for a laugh. And Kayura, he could have her dolls melted down again. But the other two...

Dais and Anubis, they just screamed out for something different. Maybe he could have them muck out the stalls? In frilly dresses with pigtails? Yeah!!! With ribbons even! That would put both of the sissy boys into hysterical hissy fits. Yep, he would do that. Tomorrow. Maybe it was a good time for a nap now?

He'd just closed his eyes when a heavy, pounding knock was heard at the doors. Considering what had just happened only minutes ago, Talpa knew quite well who it was. He raised his voice as high as he could get it without any outside aid and asked, "Who is it?"

"I'll give you three guesses, Talpina**!" Dais' voice growled through the doors. Hm...he didn't sound too happy.

"Make that *four* guesses!" Talpa's eyes widened a bit. Sekhmet was out there, too?

"Baka! It's *FIVE* guesses!!! Can't you count?!" There was the sound of a loud thwap and a yip of pain as Cale beat Sekhmet for being stupid.

Hm...Dais, Cale, Sekhmet... Five guesses, did he say? That meant all of them were out there demanding audience.

"Go away! None of you have any business here!" he called out, dropping the falsetto.

The doors flew open wide, revealing all four Warlords and Kayura...each one carrying a roll of duct tape? What were they up to?

"Uh, I'll check ya later, Talpa," Badamon announced and then vanished.

"WUSS!" the evil emperor roared. Then, he was jumped as all five of his pissed off employees let out the ripping battle cry of the grey tape.

"Well, that was fun," Cale said, eyeing the large mass of grey laying helpless on the floor of the audience chamber.

"I personally would still prefer a raise," Anubis grouched. "But, yeah, it *was* fun."

"Maybe next we should bring the staple gun?" Sekhmet wondered.

"Ack!" Kayura smacked the green-haired Warlord upside the head. "Don't you ever bring that thing up around me again!"

Sekhmet flinched away from her as they made to leave. "Sorry! I forgot what Halo did to you with it..."

"Eh, we'd have to get a new one anyway," Dais added to the conversation. "Halo never returned it."

The words faded from the chamber as the doors were closed behind them. Still on the floor, Talpa lay stupefied that he'd gone down so easily. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to mess with his Warlords and Kayura so much?

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

Waiting for Badamon to get his wussy ass back from whatever strip joint he was at to do something about the damn tape, Talpa began his plotting for tomorrow's payback...

END

** = been done, I know, but considering the situation, how
could I possibly resist? *grin*