DUCT TAPE V: If the Shuu Fits...
by Ebonhawk

The heavy doors of the throne room closed behind them as they left and entered into the main hall. Tapla's "family meeting" had been nothing but more of the same old nonsense - "Cale, get a haircut," "Dais, pick up after your spiders," "Sekhmet, get a life," "Anubis, why don't you take up sports? You're makin' me think there's somethin' wrong with you, what with all the time you spend with those books and scrolls of yours," "And for cryin' out loud, will you all get me those damn armors?!"

"I can't believe that!" Anubis grumbled, throwing his arms up in disgust. "You'd think that we were teenagers with the way he treats us!"

"There's nothing wrong with my hair!" Cale complained, "It's fine the way it is, isn't it?" He shot a meaningful glance at Dais as they all wandered toward the front door of the palace, fitfully tugging at a dark blue lock.

"If you say so," Dais agreed somewhat reluctantly, "What I can't stand is him harpin' on me about my spiders! I *do* pick up after them! I mean, do you SEE any-"

"You don't like my hair! I don't believe you! What's wrong with it?! Tell me!" Cale interrupted frantically.

"I do have a life. Otherwise I'd be dead, wouldn't I?"

"Shut up, Sekhmet," Cale, Anubis, and Dais blurted together, glaring at the fourth Warlord. They returned to loudly discussing their own problems as the green-haired man sighed and moved to open the doors for everyone.

"...up, up, up. That's where I'm going."

"Not until you pass your engineers' exam. And you won't do that because you'll just go in there and flunk again."

"Lister, last time I only failed by the narrowest of narrow margins."

"You wha-? You walked in there and wrote "I am a fish" four hundred times, did a funny little dance, and fainted!"

"That's a total lie."

"No, it's not. Peterson told me..."

The TV droned on as Cye and Rowen nearly rolled off the couch in their convulsions. They'd just started their "Red Dwarf" marathon and already the other guys had looked at them strangely and left the room. Ryo had simply looked, stood, and then walked out. Kento had looked, gathered up his snacks, then left. Sage had looked, rolled his eyes, informed them he was going to go do something worthwhile, and *then* was gone.

Oh well, Cye thought when he was once again under control of himself, I guess they just don't get it. And to think they were only on series one. They still had *six* to go after it! All together, he and Rowen had twenty-one hours of gut-busting hilarity. Good thing they'd okayed it with Mia before they'd started. They were going to watch all of it straight through. (author's note: I've done this more than once myself.) He couldn't wait until his buddy in London sent him the next series.

"...and I'm gonna get a sheep and a cow and breed horses."

"With a sheep and a cow?"

"No. With horses and horses..."

They looked down on the home of the Ronins and grinned darkly. Halo was alone in the woods - he would be easy to take. Wildfire was alone in the front yard - another easy target. Presumably, the other three were inside the large structure. They would be simple enough to hunt down.

"So, how are we going to do this?" Dais asked Anubis before peeking over his shoulder at Sekhmet - who stood behind him, Anubis, and Cale, leaning down clicking his tongue and softly saying, "Here snakey, snakey, snakey. I won't hurt you, I promise..."

"He needs help," Cale commented, shaking his head in exasperation.

"Here snakey, snakey, snakey..."

"Tell us about it," Anubis replied quietly.

"Hey, Sekh!" Dais called out to the other, "You should think about scheduling an appointment with a head doctor!"

Sekhmet paused to regard the Warlord of Illusion curiously, then his face darkened. "You think I'm crazy."

"How'd ya guess? Seriously, you should see a-"

Anubis slapped a hand over Dais' mouth and said, "Ixnay on the inkshray talk! We need him."

Sekhmet appeared confused, then he remembered his Pig Latin. "I DO NOT NEED A SHRINK!!!"

Shoving Anubis's hand away, Dais shot back, "YES YOU DO!!!"

"DO NOT!"

"DO TO!"

"NOT!"

"TO!"

"NOT!"

"TO!"

"SHUT UP!!!" Anubis commanded, his face as red as his hair in his fury. Sekhmet and Dais immediately quieted, neatly chastised. "Dais, you and I will take Wildfire. Cale, you and Sekhmet will take Halo."

"Yippy skippy doo-dah day. Let's just get it over with," Dais returned, sarcasm dripping from his words into a veritable pool on the grass.

"Great. This makes my day," Cale muttered, not bothering to hide his distaste, "I get stuck with the raving lunatic."

"Hey, at least he's not foaming at the mouth," Dais commiserated.

"Yet," Cale returned.

Sekhmet watched this exchange and frowned. His lower lip began to quiver and he said, "I'm not gonna play with guys anymore. You're mean to me." Then he ran off into the trees behind him.

"Oh, that was scary," Dais said softly with an expression of disbelief. "Did he forget to take his medication or something?"

"Please...tell me I didn't just see that," Cale begged vehemently.

"Heh, looks like you won't be going after Halo with him after all," Dais grinned.

"Oh, this is just peachy! Look at what you two did. Now he won't even come near us for at least a week let alone talk to us. Do you realize how pissed Talpa's going to be?" Anubis snarled and grabbed Dais's arm, dragging him along as he headed for the front yard. "Call your armor," he said and proceeded to follow his own instruction.

Cale watched them as the armor appeared and then as they teleported away before summoning his own and stalking off after his prey.

"Stupid show," Ryo muttered after peeking in through one of the windows and seeing that Rowen and Cye were STILL watching that tape. He grimaced when he thought about the three video tapes that sat stacked on the endtable next to the couch. Shaking his head, he turned back to his soccer ball (Mia had made Yuli replace the old one using his allowance and then docked it for a month thereafter). Dribbling it along a short distance, he caught it under his foot and then delivered a massive blow with his foot, lifting it high and sending it quickly toward the back yard.

He ran after it and kicked again. This time, it skyrocketed and flew deep into the forest. Damn! It was going to take forever to find it now.

"Wildfire!"

He spun about and cursed heatedly when he saw two of Talpa's Warlords facing him, weapons held at the ready. "What do ya want *now*?"

The Warlord of Cruelty glared at him and grouched, "Is that all you can say? Come on, let's get to it! Call your armor and let's fight!"

"Uh, Anubis...wouldn't it just be simpler to take him like this?" the other Warlord said.

Anubis stood tall and considered before saying, "Huh, I guess you're right. So, you wanna get him, or should I?"

"Armor of Wildfire! TAO JIN!"

"Too late." Dais tapped his fingers against his armored wrist as he watched the start of Ryo's transformation.

Sage sat deep in meditation. So deep that he didn't sense what was coming his way.

BOP!

He was shocked back into awareness of the outside world, rubbing at his head and staring uncomprehendingly at the soccer ball that lay before him. Where had it come from? It looked like Ryo's...

"Hello, Halo."

Cale!

Sage leapt to his feet and whirled to face the armored Warlord of Corruption...or Darkness, depending who you asked. "What are you doing here?"

"Why do you *think* I'm here?" Cale asked in annoyance. "What do you have that I'm ALWAYS after?" He waved his arms through the air to emphasize his point.

"What do you want?" Sage asked suspiciously.

With an exasperated sigh, Cale spewed forth another question. "Tell me, Halo, have you been spending any more time than usual with Hardrock lately?"

"What's that supposed to mean???" Sage dug into a pocket for his orb, never once taking his eyes from the Warlord.

"Never mind," Cale said, whacking Sage unconscious with the hilt of his sword. He watched as the Ronin sunk down onto the leaf-strewn ground. Reaching down, Cale grabbed Sage by the scruff of the neck and started to drag him back toward the prearranged meeting spot. He paused, though, to investigate the large black and white sphere that had beaned Sage back into awareness. Skewering it with his blade, he blinked in surprise as it went flat. Obviously, it wasn't dangerous. He left it and continued on. (Poor Ryo. He just can't seem to keep those soccer balls very long, can he?)

Dais stood back, arms folded across his chest and leaning against the side of the house, as Anubis cried out the words of his surekill. "Quake with fear!"

"Is he getting anywhere?" Cale asked from beside him.

"Yeah, I guess. If he hadn't been stupid when we first came up to Wildfire, we could've gotten him before he called up the armor."

"Really?" Cale asked, surprised. "I caught Halo before he summoned his armor."

"You actually caught him?"

"Yep. He's tied up nice and tight over at our meeting spot - HEY! Were you inferring that I *couldn't* catch him???"

"Ah..." There was a long, drawn-out pause. "No. I knew you could do it..." Then, Dais muttered under his breath, "Just didn't think it would be in this lifetime."

Cale scowled and whapped Dais upside the head then they turned back to watch the fight. It seemed Anubis was actually winning this time - at least, for the moment.

Cye and Rowen still lounged on the couch totally unaware of the happenings outside. They were completely oblivious to anything that wasn't Red Dwarf or a snack. Puffing hard from lack of air and in pain, the two were happily in a state of blissful ignorance. Quite possibly, the world could end and they wouldn't notice...

"Haven't you got him YET?!" Cale called out to Anubis in irritation. This little battle had already taken far longer than it needed to.

"If you two would even *consider* helping, I might be able to do that!"

"Flare up now!"

"Dammit!" Anubis cried, dropping into a tight roll across the grass to avoid the flaming release of power.

Dais shrugged when Cale looked at him in askance. As one, they pulled forth their weapons.

"Here snakey, snakey, snakey... Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

Sekhmet was on the far side of the house now, very intent in his search for a new friend. When he heard the sounds of battle coming near, he looked up. Anubis came rolling across the grass, barely avoiding a nice toasting on behalf of Wildfire. Next came Wildfire himself, hot (urk! bad pun!) on Anubis' tail. The Ronin tumbled to the ground as Dais and Cale tackled him from behind - to land right on top of Anubis.

Grunting his displeasure at the disruption, Sekhmet turned about and headed back toward the meeting spot. No one would be up there for a while *obviously*.

Kento looked up and out one of the kitchen windows on the back yard and was treated to the sight of a long flash of shooting flames and the singed, armored form of Anubis rolling across the grass. Next, Ryo (also armored) came leaping from the side yard and ran after Anubis, pounding away on the Warlord as if his life depended on it (and it probably did). When Cale and Dais ran into the scene, taking Ryo down from the rear, Kento dropped the knife he was using and dug into his pocket for his orb, then bolted out the back door. He was calling on his armor almost instantly.

Nobody was going to gang up on one of his friends and get away with it.

Sage slowly opened his eyes. He lay curled up on his side in a small clearing. His head hurt. What had happened to him? Meditating. Soccer ball. Cale. Sword. Blank. Now. That's how it flashed through his mind. It wasn't much but it was enough to tell him what had occurred. He tried to sit up and found himself held immobile by thick chains wrapped tightly around him.

He muttered a curse and attempted to wriggle to his feet. It was hard going but he accomplished it after several minutes. Huffing out a great gust of air from his lungs, Sage shook back that annoying lock of his hair and curled up his lip in disgust. How was he going to explain this to the guys without them laughing uproariously at his expense? He hopped a couple of feet, paused, then nodded when he figured he could make it back to the house. He hopped again and fell flat on his face.

"Here snakey, snakey, snakey. I love you..."

Sage lifted his head and looked around for the source of the voice. He was certain he'd heard it before.

"Hey!" Kento shouted, "Let's say we even up the odds a bit?!"

The three Warlords and Ryo paused in their battle and stared up at the deck where Kento stood proudly in his armor.

"I think he's your department, Dais," Cale said, placing a hand on the Illusionist's shoulder. Dais nodded and stepped away from the pile of armored limbs that was Ryo and Anubis.

"You can do it, Dais!" Anubis cheered him on, grunting a little as Ryo's weight squished him into the ground, getting grass and dirt everywhere. Good thing this armor's self-cleaning, he thought to himself.

Dais walked up to the nicely made wooden deck and faced his enemy, Hardrock. "Come on, then. What are you waiting for?"

"Nothing, I guess. I just thought I'd let you have the first move."

Dais blinked, lowered his gaze, then looked back up at Kento. "You make it sound like we're playing a board game."

"Well, if you don't want the first move..." Kento jumped at Warlord, swinging his staff-like weapon low, aiming for the Warlord's knees. He was rather surprised when Dais managed to slip out of the way at the last second.

"That was effective," Dais teased sarcastically.

"Hey Dais!" Cale called from behind him.

"What?!"

"We got Wildfire! Catch ya up at the meeting spot!" Anubis informed him.

"All right! Let's get down to business, Hardrock!" Dais said gleefully, grabbing his morning star and flinging the spiked metal ball flying at Kento. It was no surprise that the boy evaded the first swing but could he get away from the backswing?

"...snakey, snakey! Eh? What's this?" Sekhmet looked on the tied up figure lying on the ground. He leaned down to get a closer view. The hair was a dead giveaway. "Halo! What are you doing here tied up and alone?"

Sage recoiled from Sekhmet's too close face, rolling onto his back in the process. Sigh. Now it would be almost impossible to get up.

"Oh, don't do that!" Sekhmet admonished the Ronin. "Cale went through a lot of trouble to get you, I'm sure."

"Actually, no he didn't," Sage mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

A large booming sound reached them from somewhere in the distance. Must've been Kento, Sage figured. He glanced up at Sekhmet, who was deep in his thoughts...each one of which he spoke aloud. "What if I took him back and said I caught him? Talpa would like that. And it would get back at Cale for all the things he's said about me behind my back. Yeah, that's what I'll do!"

Sage groaned as the armored man lifted him and tossed him over a shoulder like a sack of potatoes. A gate to the Nether Realm was quickly opened and Sekhmet carried him through.

A flash of light caught their eyes as they hauled Wildfire up the hillside to the meeting spot.

"What was that?" Cale asked, confused. He left Ryo to Anubis and shot up the rest of the hill to see what had happened. "Where's Halo? He couldn't have gotten away!"

There was a loud scuffle behind him, sounding as though someone had been punched in a very bad way and then someone else had run from the scene. Cale spun around and found Anubis doubled over, clutching his gut. Wildfire was nothing but a trail of dust back down the hill.

"He hit you hard enough that you felt that much through your armor?" Cale was shocked. Anubis didn't answer, feeling enough of the punch that he really didn't *care* to answer.

Rowen was bounced from the couch as Cye kicked his legs in a serious giggle fit. Frowning, the blue-haired boy said, "Geez, it's not *that* funny!"

"Yes...gasp!...it is!"

"Okay! That's it!" Kento cried, swiping the web away from his face. "No more Mr. Niceguy! I'm not taking any more of this!"

"And just what are you going to do to me, little Ronin?" Dais drawled, "Use you wimpy 'Iron Rock Crusher' thing on me again? It won't work any better this time, I assure you."

"NO! That's not what I'm gonna do!" Kento exploded in a sudden rush of absolute mental clarity.

Dais was completely taken by surprise when Kento rushed back inside the house. Hardrock was running from him? As nice a boost to his ego as that was, it didn't fit.

When Kento returned only a few moments later, he was pleased. They could pick up where they'd left off now.

"Let's do this right, Dais! No armor."

"All right."

"On three?"

"Sounds good."

"One...two...THREE!"

They released their armors back to wherever it was they came from and stood facing each other in they everyday, normal clothes. "Good. This'll make it SO much more fun."

Dais frowned his lack of comprehension as Kento jumped at him and began trying to rip the cloth from his body.

"What are you doing, you hentai?!" Dais hollered, not having much luck shoving Kento away.

"Just gettin' ya ready," Kento replied with a grin.

"Ready for what???" Dais' one blue eye was wide with what some would have called fear.

Kento, lying on top of a now almost totally unclothed Dais, held a large roll of some grey stuff in the Warlord's face. "Ready for this." The tape ripped loud and long from the roll as Hardrock began his self-appointed task of wrapping Dais.

"I'm gonna kill him, I swear it, Anubis. Sekhmet will not live to see his next birthday. He took MY catch and presented it to Talpa as his own," Cale enlightened his companion. They'd returned to the Nether Realm empty-handed and without Dais a couple of hours ago, gotten a right good talking to by Talpa, and had then sat stewing over the whole of it in the kitchen.

"Oh, get over it," Kayura told him, sick to death of his complaining and plotting. "So what if Sekhmet got the pat on the back? It was just Halo. There's four more of them to get."

"She's right, you know," Anubis agreed, watching Cale out of the corner of his eyes.

"Oh, both of you just piss off!"

Ryo glared at his two friends that stared back at him from the couch. He'd just dismissed his armor and stalked inside to find them still watching that stupid show that had made him go outside in the first place. "Didn't you even hear it?"

"Hear what?" Rowen asked blankly.

"The battle?"

"What battle?" Cye was just as lost as Rowen.

Ryo growled in consternation and was about to yell something quite nasty when Kento, a mess of dirt and grass stains, lugged something into the living room. "Never mind. What have you got, Ken?"

Kento continued dragging the thing until it was in the middle of the floor, where he promptly dropped it. Landing with a heavy thud, a groan of pain emanated from it. Rowen noticed wispy strands of white hair floating about the mass of duct tape.

Grinning imperiously over his prize, Kento announced to his friends, "I taped me a Warlord."

Ryo, Cye, and Rowen stared at the wriggling bundle in shock.

In a Nether Realm prison cell, Sage sighed and banged his head against the wall. There wasn't much else he could do, being still tied up as he was. How long would it take the guys to realize he was gone? He didn't want to think about it. It was too depressing.

Two weeks later...

"Hey, Ryo?"

"Yeah, Cye?"

"Have you seen Sage?"

"No... Dais?"

"Yeah, Ryo?"

"Have you seen Sage?"

"No... Rowen?"

"Yeah, Dais?"

"Have you seen Sage?"

"No... Kento?"

"Yeah, Rowen?"

"Have you seen Sage?"

"No... Yuli?"

"Yeah, Kento?"

"Have you seen Sage?"

"No... Mia?"

"Yeah, Yuli?"

"Have you seen Sage?"

"No... White Blaze?"

"Rrrow?" (translation: "Yeah, Mia?")

"Have you seen Sage?"

"Mrrrowwwwr." (translation: "No... Cye?")

All of them paused and looked at one another.

"Uh-oh," Cye stated brilliantly for the group.

END

Aleksa mentioned how she had expected a bit more from Cye and Rowen in this one, so I wrote a little quickie 'what if' scene for her. I thought y'all might enjoy it, too.

Suddenly, the wall imploded as a Warlord was slammed through it, having been blasted by Ryo outside. Cale climbed slowly to his feet, shaking the fuzziness out of his head. Then he looked over at the couch and smiled evilly. Torrent and Strata were just sitting there on the couch, totally unaware of his presence. This was his big chance!

Walking up behind the couch, he chortled, "I have you now, Ronins!"

They didn't even acknowledge him. Just laughed at some joke the odd looking man on the television had spouted.

"Excuse me? I'm trying to start a fight with you two."

Still, they ignored him, there attention seemingly glued to the TV screen.

"That's it." Cale stepped around the couch and stood in front of the television.

"HEY! Get out of the way, smeghead!" Cye cried out in anger.

"Yeah, we're trying to watch something here, Cale. You're such a gimboid," Rowen added, motioning violently with his hands for the offending Warlord to move...