note: Um...yeah. It took a while, but it happened. Anyway, just
read. ^_~ You *know* you want to...
WARNINGS: Severely OOC and contains graphic scenes of 'tubbie
torture that may be too intense for some readers. *lol*

Duct Tape GW
Mission Six: The 'Tubbies Vs. Duozilla
by Ebonhawk

When last we left the scene...

"Heero?" Duo's voice interrupted his silence.

"...yeah?"

"Why did Wufei just call you Tubbie-boy?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

And now, we continue...

After a few more moments of distracted reflection on Wufei's odd behavior, the Japanese boy stiffened as he realized what Duo had just asked. His eyes widened in paranoia and flitted quickly about to make sure everything that wasn't stashed away in Wing[1] was still hidden. "..."

"Heero, you know I'll find out anyway. Why don't you just get it over with and tell me now?" Duo suggested with a girlish flutter of lashes. Then, he almost gagged over the fact that he'd actually done such a thing. Geez! He already had enough people thinking he was a simpering, bubble-headed idiot! He did *not* need to convert any more to this school of thought by doing something as OOC as fluttering his lashes like some bimbo (or Relena, if you consider them one and the same...)! He fervently prayed that the author wouldn't make him do it again and then continued to pester Heero as best he could. "TellmetellmetellmeTELLME!"

"...no."

Duo frowned, considered the situation briefly, grinned evilly, and then proceeded to bodily throw himself at the Japanese boy. As he'd imagined, Heero wasn't even budged a nanometer. With braid in hand, the American pilot wrapped his still-naked self around his victim and clung like plastic wrap. "I will hang on you like a bad suit until you tell me what the hell Wufei was talking about," he threatened, tickling at Heero's chin with the end of his braid.

Shoving an elbow hard into Duo's ribcage, Heero waited only long enough for the boy to crash to the floor before reaching for yet another of his seemingly endless store of green tanks. He snagged his shoes and a pair of socks and vanished out the door, apparently unconcerned with the sleep-snarled mess that was his hair.

After catching his breath and growling at the closed door - and rubbing his sore behind - Duo climbed slowly to his feet and began searching for some clean clothes of his own. It was a Saturday, which meant there were no classes to attend. He could easily give the room (especially Heero's side) a thorough once-over under the guise of...cleaning.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

In another dorm room...

Quatre blinked at the dapper image Trowa presented in the full-length mirror as he adjusted the hang of the neatly pressed, black tux that was part and parcel of the Bond shtick. "Well now, Q, do you have any new toys for me to play with?"[2]

The blond Arabian boy sighed and reached for the bag of stuff he had hidden under his bed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elsewhere...

"Do you think he'll ever come back?"

Treize paused primping himself in the mirror, outright laughed his ass off, then turned to look at the younger man sitting on the bed. "Are you serious? I can't believe you actually asked that."

Zechs shrugged a bit and struggled to pull a brush through his pale hair. "I was just wondering what you thought, sir."

"My friend, that boy is nothing but a little tart. If he can't get any from his friends, of course he'll be back. Even if he *does* get some from them, I'm quite sure he'll be back anyway."

"Oh..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back at the school, girls' dorm...

"Oh, Relena-sama, I can't believe anyone would *do* something like that to you!" cried out one of her horrified fangirls, her big blue eyes crossing in her intensity.

Relena nodded sagely. "I know. It is rather shocking. After all, I was only planning on making play-by-play color commentary on the wrestling match between Heero-kun and Duo-kun. For *all* of them to just attack me like that..." She fell into a quiet moment of thought (or at least that's what it looked like. who knows what was really going on under all the blonde...) before she continued. "I'm sure it has to be some kind of evil plot. Someone must have been controlling their minds, making them do what they did to me. I *know* Heero wouldn't have done it under his own free will, for all certainty."

"But, Relena-sama...who would be *able* to do something like that?" asked another fangirl.

Carefully running her fingers over one of the long red marks left on the back of one hand, Relena narrowed her eyes in pondering of the situation. Yes...that *was* the question, wasn't it? Who could possibly want to use those boys to hurt *her*? "I don't know yet, but I fully intend to find out. I can't let anyone make my Heero do such horrible things against his will."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A while later, back in the boys' dorm...

Duo was on the verge of collapse. He'd been clearing away his own crap for two hours and had barely made a dent...but he'd made excellent progress on Heero's side of the room. (Of course, all the stuff that had been messing up Heero's side was actually stuff that had exploded over from his *own* side, but that wasn't really the point.) The poor, exhausted pilot - his long braid a wild and frizzy mess - was about to call it quits and give up the hunt for whatever Heero was hiding when he, by chance, glanced under the Japanese boy's bed.

"What the hell...?" he muttered and reached for the strangely shaped object. Yanking the soft thing free from its prison, Duo dropped his rear to the floor and stared wide-eyed at the completely unexpected, stuffed, purple, humanoid...creature...with an antenna shaped like an inverted triangle spouting from the top of its head. It had an almost white face and centered on its tummy was an odd, rectangular blue patch. "Tinkie Winkie?" he blinked, "*Tinkie Winkie*?! Heero's been hiding *Teletubbies* from me?!"

It didn't take long at all for the multitude of horrid little plots to bring about Heero's utter humiliation to begin swirling around in his head. "Oh yeah, man," he grinned as he decided which one was most easily accomplished in a short amount of time, "Heero, my friend, your time has come."

He reached under the bed again, knowing he had hit the jackpot when his hand caught up yet another plush toy. From his smiling lips escaped a perfectly evil cackle.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

In another room in the boy's dorm...

Heero studied Wufei as the Chinese boy lay languidly spread over the bed. Neither said anything, as Heero was rather entranced by the way that purple-stained tongue kept flickering around the grape sucker. Then, Wufei smirked and most expertly performed a rather suggestive trick.

Heero made a strangled noise low in his throat and murmured quietly as his deeply blue eyes opened wide, "...why doesn't Duo know how to do that...?"

Feeling mischievous, Wufei asked, "Do you really *want* Duo to know how to do it? I could teach him, if you want me to."

Heero blinked and, ignoring the offer, said, "Do it again."

Blinking at the strangeness he heard in Heero's voice, Wufei was quick to repeat his trick...and he nearly choked on the sucker when he suddenly found Heero advancing on him. "Heero? What are you doing?"

He was prepared for the worst, expecting the Japanese boy to jump on top of him or some such thing, but what happened was nothing so vulgar. No, instead, Heero sat on the edge of the bed, snagged another sucker - sour apple (mmmm...author's favorite) - out of the nightstand drawer, and said, "Teach me."

It was only *after* Heero had perfected the maneuver that he got around to giving Wufei a good toss on the blankets.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that night, in the gaudily decorated gym...

Heero and Wufei stood at the door, being greeted by a handful of Relena's legion of fangirls. Anyone looking would easily see just how badly the two pilots wanted to strangle each one of the...things ...but were wisely restraining themselves.

"Heero, Wufei...what are you costumes supposed to be?" asked a brightly colored clown-girl.

The two boy's glanced at one another. Costumes? Neither one of them had heard anything about it being a costumed dance...not that either one of them would have actually worn one. Knowing that they would have Relena's fangirls all over them the for whole of the night if they said they weren't wearing costumes, Wufei took the initiative before Heero could say something stupid and said, "We're gundam pilots."

No one else would have noticed, but Wufei saw Heero stiffen at the damning words. Wufei had just totally blown their cover!!!

"Oh wow!!! How cool! I guess that those pilots *would* just wear normal everyday clothes to blend in, wouldn't they? You two are just *so* creative! I sure wish you would've asked Duo to join you, though. I mean, there are five gundams, after all, and a pilot would have been so much better than what he *did* come as-"

Heero and Wufei immediately tuned out the girl's babbling at that. Duo had worn a costume? When had he possibly found the time to...acquire...it? And just what was it?
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elsewhere...

He leaned against the outside wall of the impressively haughty and wasteful use of wealth, his back pressed flat to the manse. Trowa peered over his shoulder and into the window at the two men that exchanged words (as well as swapped a good deal of spit) inside. "Q, Target One has been spotted and confirmed. We just need to wait for his ginger-haired companion to take his leave."

Curious, Quatre snuck a peek through the window and choked. "Zechs?!" he howled...then lowered his voice at Trowa's dark look. "You want to take down a man that *Heero* has trouble taking out? Are you *insane*?"

The taller boy simply blinked at the blond and responded, "You know that's not my gimmick."

Quatre sighed and refused to look at Trowa. He was now stuck fighting off the horrible urge to whimper, curl up in a little ball on the ground, and cry...if he didn't just decide to pound his head into the bricks, that was.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the gym once again...

They saw it coming toward them from the other side of the gym. A large, bipedal, lizard-like creature. It's foam rubber hide was a dark green covered in scale-like bumps with a row a spiky, platey protrusions down the spine. A thick, uncontrolled tail swiped back and forth, leaving a trail of unsuspecting victims lying on the floor. Filling the wide-open mouth was two rows of pointy rubber teeth...and Duo's smiling face.

"Heya, guys! You decided to come? Must say I'm surprised. I never really considered either one of you the type," Duo began. He shoved the still-babbling clown-girl aside and continued, "Anyway, I'm actually glad you came. It's gonna be a good show, man." It was then he realized that Heero and Wufei were both gracing him with an uncomprehending, blank stare. "What? Oh, come on. You can't tell me that you guys don't recognize the costume! I'm the one and only Godzilla, celebrated star of the silver screen!"

The other two boys just blinked and proceeded staring dully.

"Eh...whatever," Duo said in dismissal. "I sure hope you guys stick around for the show...'specially you, Heero. You're gonna *love* it." The accompanying smirk was particularly evil in appearance, but Heero and Wufei placed no special significance on it as Duo commonly smirked evilly. With a flashy swish of his tail that would have taken out some ankles had Heero and Wufei not been paying attention, the American pilot spun about and headed back into the crowd with a distinctive waddle forced upon him by the costume.

Once the menace was gone, Wufei popped a new grape sucker in his mouth and turned to Heero. "Great... Just what we needed. An evening with Duozilla."

"What did we do to deserve him?" Heero muttered.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elsewhere (inside)...

Noin listened in absolute boredom as Lady Une continued what was bound to be a three hour long spiel on the evils of those pilots that had arrived from the colonies to...blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda... Stifling a yawn, the younger woman tried not to show her joy when the phone rang.

Placing the receiver against her ear, she got no further than a simple "Hello?" before a short barrage of instructions were given to her. She never even got in an "understood" or "goodbye". It was a quick, to the point call and she was not one to disappoint...most especially when her job was going to be so enjoyable. With a tiny, got-the-last-piece-of-chocolate smile, she turned to Une and said, "I'm sorry, Lady, but I must be going."

The tall, imposing woman looked her over for a short moment and then nodded. "Go then. We will continue this discussion at a later time."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another scene in the gym...

There was a big, long, metallic-electronic echo and the sound of someone stumbling. The lights came up on the stage bringing into view the mess that was Sailor Moon - oh wait, no, that's Relena in her costume. The blond girl was dressed as the only character in all of anime that she could possibly be compared to, as far as Wufei was concerned. Her replica of the ditzy senshi's outfit was flawless, perfect in every stitch. At the moment, she held on tight to the mic stand with one hand and tried to straighten her tiara with the other. Once that was done, she stood tall and (face turning bright red) tried to yank the short skirt down to a somewhat decent length.

It didn't work.

Giving up on that, Relena tapped the microphone with a finger and said, "Is this on? Oh, it is. Okay...lets get started then. Um, welcome, everybody, and thank you for coming. Now, we're just about ready to start the special show Duo has put together for us and-" She was cut off by someone offstage. "What? Oh, okay. If that's the way we're going to do it now. When am I-" She was cut off a second time. "I don't know. Who was going? Maybe we could-"

Then, she was cut off for the final time as Duozilla appeared and hurled her off the stage. He turned about with a big, showy flourish and knocked the mic stand over with his tail, filling the gym with an ear-piercing shriek of feedback as the thing landed too near the speakers. Tripping over himself in his hurry to pick the stand up, Duo breathed out a sigh of relief when the squealing stopped.

"Well, that'll puncture an eardrum or three," he joked, "I wonder if Relena would make the same sound if we hog-tied and threw her in a mudpit..."

A shocked gasp ran through the crowd at Duo's blasphemous words.

"Um..." Duo began, faced with frightening silence, "So...what's a guy gotta do to get a date around here? I mean, you can only hop in the sack with your roommate so many times before he punches you in the nose and calls you a stupid idiot...which is really kind of redundant, actually, now that I think about it."

Crickets chirped. On the far side of the gym, Heero frowned.

"Okay...maybe I'll stop with the jokes. As you all should be able to guess, tonight I'm doing a recreation of one of the greatest of the silver screen: Godzilla's rampage through Tokyo! I guess it's time to get this show started before somebody decides kills me. Um, before I head behind the curtain, I'd like to send out a special thanks to my buddy Heero Yuy for so kindly providing the oh-so innocent population of Tokyo. This just wouldn't be the same without your donation, man!"

Just off stage, Relena was finally back to her feet and an even bigger mess than she had been. She started yanking her costume back into place, but was distracted when the music started and the curtain began to rise...