It was March 13, in the year 64,128 A.D. by the calendar of Sarasaland, and the time was 0927 Hours. In three minutes, the royal review of the 7th Army of the Princedom of Birubuto would begin. All 15 divisions were in place, the Color Guard stood Ready, the Band was warmed up. All that was needed now was for the signal to be given and some 81,000 armed Sarasi men would begin their short march around the three square-kilometer assembly field under close watch by Her Imperial Highness, Princess Daisy Rose of the Four Princedoms of Sarasaland.

Fifteen divisions of uniformed troops standing cemented in the position of attention, without a single soldier so much as flinching made for an imposing sight indeed, and at the front of the imposing formation stood the equally imposing form of a tall, snow-white-haired man of 36 years. He wore the gray uniform of the Sarasi army with broad white epaulettes and a long, flowing white cape clasped in front of his shoulders by a large, royal purple gem set in gold. His plethora of medals had been carefully arranged so that each was clearly visible. All this combined with his perfectly polished infantry boots and his black patrol cap with its patent-leather visor made him the very image of regality. This man was Lord Fortinbras Toadstool, Prime Minister and Lord Chamberlain of the Four Princedoms of Sarasaland, Minister of their Defense.

"It's time to begin," Fortinbras announced under his breath as he turned on his heel to face the mass formation behind him, led by his fifteen division commanders, all of whom were assembled before him. He drew a deep breath, taking his time as if he enjoyed the effect that swelling his chest had on his already intimidating appearance, and issued a one-word command with such force that it was heard across the entire field: "Report." One-by-one, fifteen division commanders rendered up straight-armed salutes and replies of "All present and accounted for, Milord," and one-by-one Fortinbras received their reports and returned their salutes with all the pomp and circumstance expected from a Sarasi officer. At exactly 0929 hours, the reports had been given. "Posts," Fortinbras commanded tersely and his division commanders returned to the front of their respective division formations. When all personnel were in place, Fortinbras about-faced, turning his back to his troops and his eyes to Her Highness.

At exactly 0930 hours, Princess Daisy Rose approached Lord Fortinbras, beginning the reviewing ceremony. "Present," Fortinbras commanded over his right shoulder for all the Army to hear, "ARMS!" In one swift movement, 81,000 right hands snapped forward in the straight-armed salute of the Sarasi Army, and Fortinbras turned his attention back to the approaching reviewer.

"I think my tailor used more fabric in my cape," he thought as Daisy approached, "then her seamstress used in that entire uniform." Indeed, it was obvious that the princess's uniform was designed to flatter her youthful figure rather than to adhere to the Sarasi uniform code. Her short, army-gray skirt was hemmed just above her knees and her low-cut blouse clung to her shapely body like a second skin. The dainty young princess walked slowly, with a pronounced sway in her hips as if she was very well aware that the eyes of every dashing young officer in the 7th Army of Birubuto were fixed upon her. She was, Fortinbras acknowledged as he watched her approach, quite lovely. However, the stoic Minister of Defense quickly thought, clearing his head of these ideas, that didn't matter. She was the princess of Sarasaland, and this was not, in Fortinbras's opinion, the image that a princess should project. "This probably has something to do with that Luigi scalawag," Fortinbras muttered, "but in any case..."

As Daisy stopped in front of Lord Fortinbras, Fortinbras snapped his arm forcefully into a salute. "Your Most Gracious Imperial Highness," he sounded off, "the 7th Army of Birubuto is formed with all personnel present and accounted for, and is ready for Your Highness's comments."

Daisy smiled as she daintily returned the salute, or something resembling it, and answered, "Your troops may pass in review."

Fortinbras About-faced and drew yet another robust breath. "Pass, IN REVIEW!" he commanded, beginning the ceremony. On the far right of the enormous formation a large silver staff was thrust into the air, signaling the band to begin playing "Army of Light," the battle hymn of the Sarasi Army, and all 15 divisions began marching to their right, following the band in their pompous march around the field.

"They're all so..." Daisy whispered in awe as the first division passed by, "so intimidating."

"How so, M'lady?" Fortinbras humored her with slight amusement.

"Well," Daisy elaborated, "I dare say I haven't seen a soldier in the entire formation who isn't at least a foot taller than me!"

Fortinbras swelled his chest arrogantly and replied, "Your Highness shouldn't have seen any, because there are none."

"Are you calling me short?" Daisy countered indignantly.

"No, M'lady," Fortinbras regressed, "Not short, only ... petite."

Daisy looked at Fortinbras for a moment longer before replying "Hmmph," telling Fortinbras exactly how much weight his opinion carried in her eyes.

"In all honesty," Fortinbras continued, struggling to stifle a chuckle at the childlike look on the face of the Princess, "recruits in the 7th Birubuto must meet certain appearance requirements, in addition to those required for enlistment in any other unit. For example, we don't admit recruits who are under two meters tall."

"Are you telling me," Daisy asked in shock, "that you would just tell a recruit 'I'm sorry, but you're too short to be in the Army'?"

"No, M'lady," Fortinbras corrected, "I tell them 'I'm sorry, but you're too short for the 7th Birubuto." Fortinbras looked at Daisy and saw that she still had not seen the logic. "After all," he continued persuasively, "the 7th Birubuto is led personally by me, making it the Flagship, so-to-speak, of the Sarasi Army, and putting it in the eyes of foreigners more often than any other unit. So I prefer for them to project a more intimidating appearance than other units. You see, a foreign general, let us say a Koopa Doomship commander, upon seeing the 7th Birubuto would think just what you thought. He would say to himself, 'Heavens! Those Sarasi are all giants! I think I'll stay out of their way'."

"In other words," Daisy wrinkled her dainty nose in distaste, "you want foreigners to see the prime unit of the Sarasi Army as 81,000 of the strongest oxen on the planet." She hesitated a moment before adding sarcastically, "I simply love Military Intelligence."

By this time, the Fourth division was beginning to process in front of the two of them.

"Speaking of Military intelligence," Daisy whispered, changing the subject, "those spies you've ordered to snoop on your little sister have brought back an interesting report."

Fortinbras clenched his fists at the thought of his one-time home, with its backward politics and warped ideas. "What have they found in the Mushroom Kingdom?" he asked, struggling to keep his voice down.

"Thalidia," Daisy corrected, "not 'the Mushroom Kingdom'. That is a derogatory term invented by Bowser, and I will not have racial slurs thrown around about our allies. Besides that, your own sister sits upon the Thalidian throne, and I should think you could show a little more respect. Is that clear, Chamberlain?"

"Perfectly clear, Your Highness," Fortinbras answered reluctantly after a long silence.

"Now as I was saying," Daisy returned to the matter at hand, "the Thalidian ambassadors to Yoshi's Island have brought back some interesting news about an abandoned Koopa child bearing a striking resemblance to King Bower's Eldest."

*****

To Be Continued.

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