Ramble Room Mayhem
(The
first scene inside of the soon to be famous “Ramble Room” opens with Nathan and
Brian practicing swordplay, Amber and Hedo screaming loudly, Joy ransacking the
refrigerator, Jason pacing back and forth meaninglessly, Sahlin and Goben
standing around looking bored, Claud and Amy showing off in front of a mirror,
Jeremy watching TV, C.Y.B.E.R. sitting on his ass, and Lynn and Jared engaged
in romantic activity outside.)
Amber:
(shouting) “Go Nathan, you
can do it!”
Hedo: (waving a
$100 bill in the air) “Are you kidding?
My money’s on Brian all the way!”
Nathan: (lunging at
Brian) “Eat this!”
Brian: (parrying Nathan’s blow)
“Ha! You still have a lot of training to undergo before you can beat me.”
Joy: (ecstatic) “Jason, look what I found!”
Jason: (gloomily)
“What is it, Joy?”
Joy:
“A scrumptious bag of donuts!”
Jason: “Oh. How wonderful.”
Joy: “C’mon,
aren’t you gonna have some?”
Jason: “I don’t
feel like donuts.”
Joy: (pulls out
an apple fritter) “Fine. Be a dick!” (Joy walks away, passing by Claud and
Amy)
Claud: (flexing his muscles for Amy) “Yo Amy, what do
you think of my biceps?”
Amy: (tossing her
hair back snottily) “Ooh, you’ve got some bod, Claud!” (scratches her
head) “Wait a second, didn’t that rhyme?” (Nathan and Brian carry their
duel along into Claud and Amy’s territory.
Trying to dodge Brian’s thrusts, Nathan stumbles and crashes into the
mirror, knocking it down to the floor in pieces.)
Nathan: (embarrassed)
“Oops. Sorry guys.”
Claud: (pissed)
“DAMN YOU!” (Claud punches
Nathan in the stomach)
Nathan: “Oof!”
Hedo: “You see,
Claud punched Nathan in the stomach. So
therefore I win the bet!”
Amber: “Ah, shit!”
(Amber hands over $150 to Hedo)
Hedo: “Glad to do
business with you. Now I can pay for
that mirror they just broke…”
(Joy continues her stroll, ignoring Goben and Sahlin in the
middle of a staring contest.)
Sahlin: (keeping
her eyes level with Goben until she sees Joy) “Ugh.”
Goben: “Heh heh
heh. You blinked.”
Sahlin: “No I
didn’t.”
Goben: “Yes, you
did.”
Sahlin: “But I
didn’t.”
Goben: (angry)
“Yes you did, dammit!”
Sahlin: (cowering)
“Okay, so I did.”
(Joy stops behind the couch, where Jeremy is intently
viewing the TV and C.Y.B.E.R. is seated motionless nearby.)
Joy: “What are you
watching that’s so interesting, Jeremy?”
Jeremy: “The
Sci-Fi Channel, of course. It’s really
cool.”
Joy: (murmurs
under her breath) “What a geek.” (She
faces C.Y.B.E.R.) “How are you, C.Y.B.E.R.?”
C.Y.B.E.R.: “Go
away, bitch.”
Joy: (runs back
to Jason, whining) “WAAAAH!”
Jeremy: “Way to
go, C.Y.B.E.R.!” (Jeremy gives C.Y.B.E.R. a high five, then withdraws his
hand in pain) “Ow, that smarts!”
C.Y.B.E.R.: “She had it coming to her anyway.”
Jeremy: “I guess
you’re right. Wanna watch Star Wars:
Episode I, C.Y.B.E.R.?”
C.Y.B.E.R.:
“Sure. Just skip to the part where the
old fag of a Jedi gets wasted by Darth Maul.”
Jeremy: “You mean Qui-Gon Jinn.”
C.Y.B.E.R.: “That’s
what I said.”
(Camera switches to outside of the Ramble Room, where we
find Lynn and Jared swooning over each other in the backyard.)
Lynn: “I’m
certainly grateful we’re out here and not in there with that mob. They were causing some ruckus a few minutes
ago.”
Jared: “If nothing
else, at least Claud and Amy won’t be able to pester us for awhile.”
Lynn: (gaze
shifts from the sky to Jared’s face.
She reaches out and caresses him gently.) “Remember that regardless of what they say or what anyone
else says, I’ll always love you.”
Jared: “I love you
too, and don’t you ever forget that either.” (kisses Lynn)
Lynn: (kisses
back) “Mmm…” (Two shadows are briefly seen streaking across the sky,
then vanish. Lynn breaks the kiss.) “Jared, what was that?”
Jared: “I don’t know, but I have a feeling it can’t be
good.”
(Back inside the Ramble Room, everyone is caught unaware
when the front window shatters and Elozar enters with King Demi at his side.)
Hedo: “Damn! First the mirror, then the window. More perfectly good money down the drain.”
Claud: “Who let
you two freaks in here?!”
Elozar: “Why I
did, you pathetic dimwitted fool. It’s
my mission in life to screw up your lives as much as possible, and how I enjoy
it.”
Brian: “Get outta here
before things get nasty.”
King Demi: “No, you stay
out of our way. We’re here for the
Ramble Room, not you losers.”
Goben: “If you
want this place so badly, you’ve gotta beat me in a staring contest first.”
King Demi: “Challenge
accepted.” (Goben and King Demi move in closer, eyes glaring directly at
each other. Eventually King Demi takes
notice of the TV and glances over to Jeremy and C.Y.B.E.R.) “Oh, it’s
Episode I! Isn’t that the part where
Sebulba-“
Sahlin:
“Heeheehee. You lost.”
King Demi: “What?! How the heck…(King Demi sees Elozar with
a look of displeasure on his face) “Uh-oh.”
Elozar: (outraged)
“You moron! How could you possibly lose
so easily to that witch?”
King Demi: “Damned
Sebulba! It was all his fault I tell
you.”
Elozar: “Grrr…must
I do everything myself?” (Elozar approaches Goben, using his magic to make
his eyes glow with an eerie light so that Goben can no longer concentrate.)
Jason: “Elozar’s
cheating.”
Elozar:
“ARGH! You weren’t supposed to notice
that!”
Claud: “We
win! And as king…(dons his robe and
crown)- I hereby banish you from the Ramble Room.”
King Demi: (flaps his
wings) “You wish it were that easy!”
Hedo: (fires
magic bolts at King Demi and Elozar)
“Leave, you buffoons!”
Elozar: “Very
well. But you haven’t heard the last of
us. Not by a long shot!” (Elozar and
King Demi exit the way the came. Lynn
and Jared come back inside.)
Lynn: “We
apologize for the delay. Did anything
happen while we were away?”
Nathan: “Oh,
nothing. Just another boring day in the
Ramble Room.”
