It had been a year since he had last seen them... After the final battle, he had left for a while, to recuperate and regain what little he had left of his dignity. For the past month, he had sought out those members of SeeD that had battled him, to ask for their forgiveness before he disappeared altogether. Who knew what the future held for Seifer Almasy.... but he knew one thing; it would not be an easy one, and unless Fate favoured him it would not a happy one either. "Ex-Sorceress' Knight" wasn't exactly something you would put on your resume, you know. But now, his journey was almost ended. He approached the house of Squall and Rinoa Leonhart for what he knew would be the first and last time.
Sure I think about you now and then But it's been a long, long time
He was so different from what he had been only a year ago.... so different. Where once stood a cocky, arrogant youth with a hellish temper and the sort of dashing good looks that were in such contrast to the fear he incurred in those around him, now was an older, wiser young man with a faintly sad countenance, no hope for what his destiny held and dreams shattered like a crystal upon a black stone. Yes, the tatters of the infamous temper were still there, hidden beneath the surface; he still inspired awe and dread in those who had known him before. But the great Seifer Almasy had done a lot of growing up in the past year, and he knew he would never fully regain his former lust for battle, though slowly it would leak into his life once more. The arrival of Ultimecia had changed all of that.
I've got a new life now, I've moved on
So when you cross my mind
He wondered with a dreamer's smile if Rinoa would even recognize him. He was thinner and stronger now, and had long ago shed the silver coat that had once been his trademark. In its place was a longer, thicker black one, with a white shirt beneath and black, close-fitting jeans. He had kept his old boots and the silver nametag around his neck. His hair, still the same coppery blond, was recently trimmed, though some longer pieces still arced down in front of his emerald green eyes. The scar slashing across his face had faded to nothing more than a dark stripe. The still chill winds of not-quite-spring ruffled his hair and the collar and hem of the black coat, and the setting sun only made him look darker. Tentatively, he reached out and knocked on the door, standing on the porch nervously.
I try not to think about what might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken diff'rent roads
Seifer heard laughing from within, now that he was close to the house. A pang of sadness and regret rang in his heart; it had been so long since he had heard Rinoa laugh. In an instant Seifer knew he wasn't the only one that had changed. Rinoa had forgotten him. The door opened a moment later.
"Seifer."
The ex-Knight looked up at the voice to meet the blue-grey eyes of the one who had been his nemesis for the longest time; Squall Leonhart.
"Squall."
"It's been a long time."
"Yeah." Seifer looked out over the horizon.
"You... want to come in?"
"No thanks."
Squall nodded silently. Seifer looked off again.
"Honey, who's there?"
The red-gold head snapped up at that. He knew that voice; Rinoa.
"We have... company."
"Well, who is it?" Rinoa had already rounded the wall that separated the door from the living room. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw who it was.
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been
"Seifer!"
"Hello, Rinoa," he said affably. "How've you been?"
Rinoa flustered, completely caught off guard by the everyday response, as if he hadn't been gone for a year and then showed up on her doorstep with no forewarning....
"I suppose you two want to talk?" Squall said in a quiet, forceful tone, a suspicious glance directed at the man in the coat. Seifer had expected his old adversary would be cold towards him, but not outright hostile. Seifer and Rinoa nodded at the same time. Squall exhaled sharply and turned, trotting into the house. Rinoa stepped out onto the porch and shut the door behind her, eyes lowered.
"Why are you here, Seifer?" she asked him softly. "After everything that's happened, why are you here?"
"I came to ask for your forgiveness," he said, watching her closely. "I.... I have to disappear for a while. Wait til this whole Sorceress' Knight thing blows over."
"Where will you go?" Rinoa said as she looked up. Seifer smiled sadly and sighed.
"It doesn't matter. Ultimecia ruined my life and now I have to start a new one."
Rinoa had known Seifer long enough to know without even looking closely that his eyes were sad, even if his face showed no emotion. The sorceress had shattered her friend's dreams and scattered them to the four winds. And after what Seifer had done in Lunatic Pandora - when he had lost his sanity for a time - it had taken a great deal of courage to come and ask for forgiveness. Silence ruled the dusk.
We could sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
"Do you remember that summer?"
The young woman moved to the edge of the porch, sat down and swung her legs over the edge. Seifer sat down nearby and did the same, hands clasped in his lap. A soft smile was on his face.
"How could I forget?" He glanced up at Rinoa, then down at his hands. "That summer's memory was the one thing that kept me.... that kept me me. Ultimecia threatened to destroy all else, to absorb me into her soul... but the memory kept me who I was. Does that make any sense at all?"
"More than you know," the woman said softly, staring out at the final tinges of gold and orange. "Did you ever wonder... No, it's silly."
Rinoa shook her head, but Seifer made a gesture with his bare right hand.
"Go on."
"Did you ever wonder how it could've turned out? If I had..." Rinoa couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence, but they both knew what she had intended to say; loved you.
"Plenty of times," the ex-Knight said, forcing himself to look elsewhere than Rinoa. He decided to fix his gaze upon a nightbird that had alighted on the branch of a tree nearby. "Always out of anger and hatred. Not towards you, never towards you, but towards myself. I remember thinking.... what did I do wrong? Someone wise once said that the only way to live your life to the fullest is to act on your emotions. The only problem is, acting on your emotions doesn't always get you where you want to go."
"Oh, Seifer." Rinoa shook her head sadly and looked back up at him.
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past
"'Oh, Seifer' what?" Almasy smirked, a little bit of humour peeking through his stubbornly melancholy visage. "Whenever you say something like that in that tone of voice, Rinnie, you always follow it up with something incredibly dramatic and emotional."
"You know me too well!" Rinoa laughed and punched Seifer in the shoulder. He winced and made an overly theatrical show of pain to the chorus of Rinoa's giggling. The tension lifted, Rinoa sighed contentedly and looked to the skies. The sun disappeared over the horizon, and the stars began to come out.
"They're beautiful, aren't they?" she said softly, eyes tracing the familiar constellations in the light of the full moon. "In the city, you could never see the stars as clearly as out here in the country. Sometimes you can almost hear them singing...."
"Starsong. What a novel idea," Seifer said quietly to himself, his own eyes fixed upon the moon. The mere sight of it brought back the painful memories he so badly wanted to forget. Rinoa glanced over at him and noticed the tightening of his jaw. Remembering was hard for her, but for Seifer it must have nearly killed him to know what he had done. Seifer Almasy, the Knight, the one who had always been so honorable and chivalrous, had come that close to ending an innocent life, what's more the life of someone he was a friend to.
That same old look in your eyes
It's a beautiful night
I'm so tempted to stay
"Why?"
It was a simple question, but it lanced through Seifer's heart like a piercing arrow through armor.
"I can't answer that, Rin. You know I can't."
"Well, why not?"
Under any other circumstances, Rinoa would have been angry, but here her voice was dispirited. This time Seifer was the one caught off guard.
"It's just... it's too hard to explain."
"Well, then, at least try and maybe I will," she said, watching as he stood up and wandered to the farthest edge of the porch. He sighed, looked over his shoulder at her, then back up at the stars.
"You think you know what pain is. You have no idea what it truly means, Rinoa. I've had my heart broken, my dreams shattered, my body rended and my mind ripped apart. If I don't get away, I'll never heal. And that means I have to leave. I just wanted, for once in my life, to go with a clear conscience."
He turned around, only to be met with a fierce hug. Rinoa buried her face in his chest, tears quickly soaking through the thin fabric of his white tee.
"Please, Seifer, don't leave," the woman pleaded, her voice muffled slightly. "You're my friend, and I have this horrible feeling... This feeling that if you go now you'll never come back...."
Seifer smiled sadly and kissed the top of her head. Rinoa looked up at him, warm brown eyes wet with tears and begging him not to go.
But too much time has gone by
We should just say good-bye
And turn and walk away
"I'm sorry, Rinnie, but I have to," he said softly, so quietly she could barely hear him. He embraced her quickly, then gently pushed her away so that they stood at arm's length.
"Promise me you'll come back?" she sniffled.
"I promise," he said, even then knowing it would most likely be a promise broken. He reached into the inside pocket of his coat, brought out something in his fist and placed it in Rinoa's hand. He closed her fingers over it, smiled and gave her a peck on the cheek. "To remember me by, love."
After this was said, he stepped down off the porch and started to walk away. Rinoa opened her hand and gasped with recognition. At the end of that summer she had given Seifer a small pewter feather to remember her by. She realized that he had kept it with him all this time, and now he had given it back in the selfsame gesture.
"Seifer!!"
She jumped off the porch and ran to catch up with the ex-Knight. He stopped, his back to Rinoa, and she stood where she was.
"You should have waited for me, Rin," he said softly. "You should have waited a little while longer."
I try not to think about what might have been
'cause that was then and we have taken diff'rent roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been
"Seifer..."
"Rin, you'll miss me for a while, but you'll get over it. Squall will wipe your tears and make you feel better, and eventually you'll forget me all over again.... No, you won't just forget me, you'll forget us. Like it never happened. You chose your path long ago."
He looked at her over his shoulder, profile illuminated in silver by the moon.
"You chose to go instead of waiting. Your future was determined by that one decision, Rin. And that future.... it has no room for the likes of me."
He closed his eyes and sighed, then looked at her again. "Even so, I can't help hoping you'll remember."
"Remember what?"
He gave her a pained look. That look etched itself into Rinoa's memory, and she knew if she forgot all else about Seifer Almasy, she would not forget the anguish in those hollow emerald eyes....
"What might have been."
With that, he walked away and disappeared into the night. Rinoa stood and watched him go.
No, we'll never know
What might have been....
A few minutes later, Rinoa felt a hand on her shoulder.
"You stay out here, you'll catch cold."
Rinoa looked at Squall over her shoulder, then returned her gaze to the spot she had last seen Seifer. She sighed deeply and shook her head, before following her husband inside
