A Tunnels and Trolls® play-by-post adventure run by khara_khang
Taran gazes with horror at the scene brought upon the room by the medallion, from the Wizard's disintegration to the razing of the paintings. He stands with mouth agape and tusks uncaringly dripping on the cold tiled floor when the Death Goddess appears, and nearly hulches in disbelief when she addresses him and his brother by name.
Not since that night, several years ago, when a burning Balrog plummeted fatally into his unsuspecting self has Taran looked at death face to face. Now, as before, it seems Lerotra'hh will have a hand in saving his life, and he hopes again that their mission makes him worthy of such attention. How he has become involved in yet another investigational campaign, only to walk amid the evil followers of Zweetz themselves, he can only imagine.
He knows the roof's cave-in will soon be fatal, so he emits a warning to his brother, knowing full well Jax is already dodging the stones like him. "Rock, dud!!!!" comes his cry, but it is too late! He winces vicariously as Jax is pummeled with a most Completely Heinous Response Indicating the Systematic Total Momentum Absorption Syndrome, indeed.
His brother's subsequent order to get near the Death Goddess he does not question, knowing full well Jax's enhanced intelligence, and trusting it enough to let him call the shots. Taran is already close to Lerotra'hh, so he only needs to pick himself up and scamper a bit closer to the imposing female demon-like giant. Jack and his rattling bones follow in tow.
Taran nods to his brother nervously as he approaches. "C.H.R.I.S.T.M.A.S., ugh!" he whispers in sympathy. His attention turns to the terrible and apparent demise of Urish at the jaws of Amroth's beetles, and Taran can not help but shout out a jubilant Orcish exclamation with his fist clenched and raised high: "Waaaarrgnughn nugnhn!"
"Remind me to kill you later!"
Amroth stands intently watching Urish and guzzling his own blood to keep from drowning in it. He casts Poor Baby on himself. "Wha... Wha... Wha'd I do?" He shakes himself up and starts again. "what did I do for you to want to kill me!? I injured Urish, if not killed him." He then realizes she probably wants to do that. "Sorry, I'll just go over here...."
Ok, that was nice of you Khara. But you still didn't tell me what they tasted like.
Go find a rusty barn nail and put it in your mouth and that's what it tastes like. The beetles were actually very sophisticated high technology devices, not real beetles. Zweetz's forces have brought down kingdoms and empires and governments that have succumbed before their mighty combination type attacks. Just so you know. Sometimes you should not always put things in your mouth. And beyond that, all I have to say is, only eat what doesn't eat you. Don't believe me? <does scary voice>
Seeing no safety bejond the doorway and little in the doorway, Brienna follows suit and heads for the Death Goddess, warily dodging the stones as they fall.
"I think everyone around here is a bit on the lighter side of a full deck," Titania thinks. Unwilling to go it alone, she follows the group.
Felixia, quite nervous herself, follows the others close in to the Death Goddess. "Oh dear, this isn't good... not good at all," she chirps, flying with them and looking around nervously, trying to stay close to a bigger person.
Kahi lifts his tower shield (the enchanted one that I still don't know what it does, however my mouth isn't quite as big as Amroth's, so I'm not going to try and eat it... yet) high over his head as the stones start to fall, hoping it will provide at least a little protection. Then following the rest of the party, he runs underneath the Goddess and, unlike some other party members, firmly keeps his gaze from traveling up her leg.
But maybe, the rock'll pound you into the ground while you waste your time getting your shield out instead of sprinting for the Death Goddess. Well, I guess you could use the shield and make a bigger target. But then again the shield makes a good nail head.
Even with the cacophony of thunderous noise and the torrent of approaching death, Lerotra'hh hears Taran shout his enthusiastic "Waaaarrgnughn nugnhn!" Only a few understand Orcish exclamations, but to others, the fear of death seems to outweigh Taran's winning words.
Waving his "Dagger of Time" around, Jack de Crampon is lost for a moment in its "true power." "No doubt even Lerotra'hh herself is impressed," he tells himself, "and I didn't have to eat a beetle or use cheap parlor tricks like Amroth to do it." Jamming the dagger back into its sheath, Jack jostles for position as the group closes it ranks. "Hey! Watch your hands, Blodwydd! Dem's my bones!"
Amroth's words fall on deaf ears as he casts a spell on himself, healing his own minor yet abundantly bleeding wound. Amroth considers moving away, but with death raining down in the form of stone, Amroth remains where he is. Brienna does the same, as with Felixia and Titania. Felixia's poetic warning is little more than a chirp. Titania also realizes that speaking her thoughts will not be a very wise thing in the presence of Lerotra'hh, who is legendary for dispensing justice with extreme prejudice to those for even the slightest affront, be it intentional or not.
Kahi raises his tower shield defensively, prepared for the onslaught of falling debris, yet not a single stone strikes as he pushes in close, his gaze taking in Lerotra'hh's abundant... er, size. Krandor shoulders in against Kahi and the two trade glances as if it were their very last.
Blood wets Jax's shoulder, but in Orcish terms, it is the least of his worries at the moment. The castle is coming down around their literal ears and Jax can do little but grunt in agreement to his brother's yell in his ear and give a toothy grin to Jack de Crampon's ever-hilarious antics.
The castle itself comes down as gravity and its own fading magic pulls it apart like a pudgy Hobbit eating cake. Death doesn't greet everyone as they expected it might. Rather, their surroundings change and silence soon greets everyone as they blink in disbelief, realizing they still live.
Lerotra'hh turns to face everyone, looking down at them, crossing her arms in thought, as if deciding their fate. Jay notices he now holds the Grutoss medallion in his hand and then looks around, avoiding direct eye contact with the Death Goddess.
The group stands in a huge magnificent grand hall, decked in gold and painted in a multitude of bright colors. The blood red tiled floor gives the huge hall an eerie feeling. Dozens of large armored trolls stand along the walls forty feet away, standing at attention and motionless.
What do you do?
"Is our task finished?" Brienna asks impassively. "Was that bug the source of the trouble, or have we farther to go?"
How about cry? Is that an option? :D
Titania can't believe her eyes. And now, she wonders if indeed Jay used the medallion, and if he used it at the right time. Have they escaped the castle, only to die a more brutal death at the hands of an angry Death Goddess? She can feel an unusual tremble in her wings as she comtemplates their situation, and, as she feels it wise to be silent, looks about.
Felixia looks around, "Ooooh..." she says nervously, flittering by Titania, "This isn't going well...."
Lerotra'hh turns to face everyone, looking down at them, crossing her arms in thought....
Probably because they're all bugged out. I looked at her pic.
At any rate, Jay doesn't bother to say anything. He considers it poor form to interrupt the thoughts of a goddess of death. If she wants to know something, she'll ask. And besides, he's got too many snide comments running involuntarily through his mind right now that definitely don't need to be uttered aloud. Jay will just stand there impassively and wait.
...the rock'll pound you into the ground while you waste your time getting your shield out....
The shield was all ready out, I had it out when the fight started.
But then again the shield makes a good nail head.
The shield isn't parallel to the ground; it's at a slant so that any rocks that hit it will glance off and at worst I'll only suffer a broken arm as opposed to a shattered skull. Add to that the shield's magical nature, and I might not suffer anything worse than a brief jolt of pain. And as it happens, I didn't suffer anything, so Pfffft!
Kahi considers asking if this is the point where we are reprimanded for using the amulet at the wrong time and then let free to finish our task, but before he does, he goes over the most recent conversations between the goddess and Zweetz and decides that maybe it wasn't the wrong time to use the amulet. Then again maybe it was. Either way, it is too late to do anything about it now, so he decides that silence is the better part of valor and keeps his trap shut.
Sheesh, you guys are all such pessimists! What if maybe, just maybe, we used the amulet at the right time? As Jay reasoned, Krandor is an idiot, but then again, that's pretty tough to refute. I'm not saying we did, nor am I saying we didn't use the amulet at the right time, but you don't have to assume we are all guaranteed a death sentence just yet.
The shield isn't parallel to the ground; it's at a slant....
You never said it was at a slant. And hey, we could all hope that you were smashed into the ground like a nail. Then we could take your cheap (well not really) weapons you took from Baldur's Gate 2 and laugh.
Krandor is obviously not that stupid: he was put into command of the entire party (well, except for Amroth---Grutoss put him in as a secret misson thingy to eventually meet up with you). Thus the next debate: is Kahi more of an idiot than Krandor?
And think of this: if the Death Goddess usually goes on huge killing streaks and there is hardly anyone there for her to kill, don't you think we probably should have waited until there were tons of enemies for her to kill so we could make a getaway?
"Hey, anyone gotta bite to eat? Even just a nibble o' cheese? Even if it is a piece of moldy Troll-saliva-covered cheese?"
Jax kneels to the goddess, the commander of Khazan's resistance, the real Lerotra'hh, terrifying and impressive in the flesh, and bows his head in reverent silence. She is his boss after all. On the way down, he manages a quick peek around to see if the great Orc Shaman Arahk Gnahk, her consort and his hero, is hanging around in the wings of the magnificent hall.
"Is our task finished? Was that bug the source of the trouble, or have we farther to go?"
Lerotra'hh thinks for a moment, but Brienna breaks that silence. "You have helped contain the Zweetz shrine for the moment." Lerotra'hh toys with her hair with one finger as she eyes the female Hobbit. Lerotra'hh's eyes move to Titania and Felixia. Lerotra'hh smiles, noting their fear. Jay stands there impassively and waits, as does Krandor and Blodwydd. They are smart enough to remain silent.
Jack de Crampon adjusts his bones and looks up at Lerotra'hh haughtily in his best skilled thespian pose. "You there, way tall girl! I'll expect breakfast served bright and early, say about noon, and make sure you fluff my pillow up good two times, baby, I asked for this once before but no one listened. Show me to my room. Got it, sweet cheeks?" Jack disappears in a flash as Lerotra'hh turns her attention on him.
Hearing Jack's words and seeing him disappear in a flash, Kahi figures silence is the better part of valor and keeps his trap shut.
"Hey, anyone gotta bite to eat? Even just a nibble o' cheese? Even if it is a piece of moldy Troll-saliva-covered cheese?"
Amroth breaks the long silence. His words echo in the grand hall like death but before Lerotra'hh answers, Jax's movement catches her attention.
Jax kneels to the goddess, but doesn't see Arahk Gnahk anywhere.
"Jax, you and your brother have always been good agents. Arahk Gnahk speaks highly of you. I'm sure your service will again be required in the future." Lerotra'hh pulls three large silver coins (Lerotra'hh Favor Coins) from her necklace and places them in Jax's hand.
A Half-Orc guard trots through a door into the grand hall as if he knows Lerotra'hh is there. In fact, he does. It seems like he was always running errands for the old Orc shaman Arahk Gnahk, but this time he is delivering a message to Lerotra'hh. Blerrg runs oafishly across the great hall to Lerotra'hh, his hard boots clattering as he runs. He slides to a stop, his feet backpedaling on the polished floor, and almost loses his balance.
"O Great One, I have urgent news!" says Blerrg, huffing, bowing slightly, and offering Lerotra'hh a scroll in his extended arm/hand. Lerotra'hh accepts the scroll, scans it, sighs a little, gives it back to him with a pat on the head, and turns and leaves, exiting the door Blerrg entered.
Blerrg smiles a goofy, toothy smile as Lerotra'hh exits. "Tee-heh-hee. Hi, I'm Blerrg, your resource information and reallocation officer. I am supposed to read this to yee'all." Blerrg fumbles with the scroll, then begins reading it. "For your guiltless and undying service to our great and ever-eternal Death Goddess Lerotra'hh, your deaths will be as quick and painless as possible since it has come to our attention that one of you is a Zweetz agent. Thank you for the short yet useful service in our employ."
Blerrg swallows hard as he realizes what he has just read. "Oooo, gotta be tough break! Sorry, you seemed like such a nice group too." Blerrg clears his throat and continues reading. "Uh, mmmm, P.S., unless you have a 'Lerotra'hh Favor Coin' to escape your most certain heinous and gory death, then pick door number one or door number two." Blerrg points at the far end of the long grand hall. All other exits are guarded by very large heavily armored trolls. "Don't blame me, I don't write these messages you know; I just deliver them."
What do you do?
Lovely!
Well, Krandor probably knows which is the right way to go, as he usually does, even if he won't tell the rest of us.
Unfortunately, at the moment Jay prefers not to live in a world with someone like that, so he will take whichever door Krandor doesn't take.
Can the others wait to see what happens to me before they pick a door? Jay keeps his dice at the ready.
Unfortunately, at the moment Jay prefers not to live in a world with someone like that, so he will take whichever door Krandor doesn't take.
I don't wanna take that long! Seriously, but I don't remember the last time Krandor [super_miles --ed.] posted, so I'll go through door number two, if Jax gives up the coin and someone of importance agrees to follow me. So pretty much as long as Jay and/or Kahi don't go through door number 2 with me, I'll go with anyone, unless Krandor decides to post, in which case I will go with Jay through the opposite door.
Felixia looks over at Jax. She just gave him coins, maybe it will be okay after all....
Jax got three coins. Presumably one will go to Taran. That leaves one left, and there's a lot more than one of us. I don't know his allegiences to the rest of you, but Jay just met him. Forgive my pessimism, but I doubt it'll be okay.
Brienna calmly readies her axe as she studies the faces of the others, trying to read their reactions to the news in the hope that the traitor will let something slip.
Titania knew. She felt it in her blood; no wonder her wings were trembling. "Ah well, I shan't die without taking some of the traitorous goddess's henchmen with me, if it comes to that," she vows in her thoughts, somberly, in a resolved sort of way. There is still hope, she reasons, if some of the others already have tokens, and Jax gives out the rest of his to those without. Or, if she can identify the traitor, then perhaps the rest of them will be spared.
Nevertheless, she will never again work willingly for the Death Goddess. Not after being betrayed like this.
"Who in the world can it be?" she wonders, and watches to see what the others will do.
Jay pulls the rubber mask off Krandor's head, revealing Uncle Jed as the traitor.
"And I would've gotten away with it if it hadn't been for you meddling delvers!"
"... unless you have a 'Lerotra'hh Favor Coin' to escape your most certain heinous and gory death, then pick door number one or door number two."
When he says "you," I think he means the plural, in which one coin will suffice for the entire party. But if not... well, heh, then it was a pretty quick adventure.
As you might or might not've known, I'm back. While I found a 'puter while I was TDY, I didn't have a heckuva lotta time to spend on it, and missed all sorts of wonderful opportunities for snide comments. Que sera sera, I guess.
Still, I have a bit of time now, so I thought I'd revisit a few (very few). Ignore these at your pleasure, as they make absolutely no difference to the game, like 92% of my other posts....
Everyone's wounds have already healed and closed, as I posted previously. So you have no need to cast any Poor Baby spells, except maybe on Jax and Amroth who get wounded in this post. [Amroth subsequently heals himself --ed.]
Well, if we had time, I would've tried to heal Jax. Note: I'm not going to do this while we're standing in front of the Death Goddess, only after she leaves the room when given the scroll from Blerrg. (Of course, if it's not possible to do this, then forget it.)
Jax realizes that the situation is beyond their control.
Slow learner.
Worse, it appears to be in the hands of a wrathful Death Goddess...
There are worse fates. We could be judged by an irredeemably evil Cthulhoid monster.
...who has a legendary (and admirable) penchant for overkill.
No doubt. If she just needed to get the medallion to Urish, it was incredible overkill to send all of us.
At least the whole mess is beginning to make some sense...
If we live through this, I'll ask him to explain it.
...except for that last comment by Lerotra'hh.
If we live through this, I'll consider asking her to explain it.
"This is bad."
I've always said Fairies are pretty sharp cookies.
Brienna watches the Death Goddess impassively....
Impassively.
Brienna looks for a window, but there are none.
If there were, several of us might've taken them earlier.
...Krandor keep[s] silent, not knowing what will happen next....
Oh he knows. He just won't tell us.
In a toothy grin, Lerotra'hh twists and looks down at Amroth who is in turn eyeing her. "Remind me to kill you later!"
Will she give out those "Lerotra'hh Favor Coins" to the rest of us if we remind her?
Groaning in pain, Amroth's mouth suddenly fills with blood and his antics seem less than funny as blood pours from his mouth like syrup.
Don't feel bad, Amroth. I still think it's remarkably hilarious.
In a minute or less, Urish's body is on the floor quivering in its death throes as the beetles have their meal.
And you can claim to have killed the bug god.
Taran gazes with horror at the scene brought upon the room by the medallion, from the Wizard's disintegration to the razing of the paintings.
Generally, it's rare to find an Orc with such an appreciation of fine art.
"Rock, dud!!!!" comes his cry, but it is too late!
Was this supposed to be "dude," or is "dud" some form of Orcish familiar nickname?
Taran is already close to Lerotra'hh, so he only needs to pick himself up and scamper a bit closer to the imposing female demon-like giant.
Yes, but she's no irredeemably evil Herculean giant toad genius [c.f. Goblin Lake, Part Deux --ed.]
The beetles were actually very sophisticated high technology devices, not real beetles. Zweetz's forces have brought down kingdoms and empires and governments that have succumbed before their mighty combination type attacks.
And for all that, they haven't developed a reliable system of pest control. Tch!
"I think everyone around here is a bit on the lighter side of a full deck."
She's probably accurate, or we wouldn't have come here in the first place.
"Oh dear, this isn't good... not good at all"
Sharp as a tack!
[S]he chirps, flying with them and looking around nervously, trying to stay close to a bigger person.
Does the Death Goddess count?
Lerotra'hh hears Taran shout his enthusiastic, "Waaaarrgnughn nugnhn!" Only a few understand Orcish exclamations.
Hmmm, I have a pidgin form of Wizard speak... I think he said "Christmas" again. (Luke Cage used to say that a lot too.)
Jay notices he now holds the Grutoss medallion in his hand....
Erm, does it look anything like a "Lerotra'hh Favor Coin"?
How about cry? Is that an option? :D
There's never a wrong time for that. As a famous philosopher once said, "But adversity is what makes us mature... the growing soul is watered best by tears of sadness." (Unfortunately, Lucy wasn't paying attention, and Charlie Brown couldn't say something like that twice.)
[Titania] wonders if indeed Jay used the medallion, and if he used it at the right time.
Probably not, but she's taking it well (for a Death Goddess, that is).
"This isn't going well...."
It still beats where we were a few minutes ago.
Sheesh, you guys are all such pessimists! What if maybe, just maybe, we used the amulet at the right time?
Then the mission is a success, and we can all be pleasantly surprised and happy. So you might as well be a pessimist---you have nowhere to go but up.
As Jay reasoned, Krandor is an idiot, but then again, that's pretty tough to refute.
Indeed.
I'm not saying we did, nor am I saying we didn't use the amulet at the right time, but you don't have to assume we are all guaranteed a death sentence just yet.
And now that we all aren't facing that fate, things have improved immeasurably. Pessimism rocks.
Krandor is obviously not that stupid: he was put into command of the entire party (well, except for Amroth...).
The pointy-haired boss is in command of Dilbert. That doesn't make him any less stupid. Being put in command is vastly different from being qualified to be in command, and neither has any bearing on Krandor being an idiot. (I've never said he was stupid.)
Thus the next debate: is Kahi more of an idiot than Krandor?
No.
And think of this: if the Death Goddess usually goes on huge killing streaks and there is hardly anyone there for her to kill, don't you think we probably should have waited until there were tons of enemies for her to kill so we could make a getaway?
No. There was nowhere to get away to. The castle was falling apart. Brienna was informed it'd take about 10 minutes to get out, but the castle was torn apart before then, so you'd likely have been crushed trying to get away. The only area safe from falling rocks seemed to be near the Death Goddess. Contrariwise, if you had escaped, you'd be out in the woods somewhere with the bird/bug/bat things where we suffered the only PC loss of the adventure to this point. As we were teleported to that point, it's unlikely we'd have a safe and easy trip out of that area, and would likely have met our demise. The only option available was to go with the Death Goddess.
Waiting until we found lots of opponents wasn't an option either---for starters, we didn't know what the amulet would do (I certainly didn't expect it to summon her. I thought it would've opened a gate for the knights or something.) Since we weren't expecting the Death Goddess, there was no point in looking for more opponents for her; we should've only been looking for the source of the trouble, which was the instruction given with the amulet. And besides, we were losing that fight. If the amulet had not been used, it seems likely that most or all of us would've perished. Again, it was pretty much the only valid choice at the time.
[Jax] kneels to the goddess, the commander of Khazan's resistance, the real Lerotra'hh....
Hang on, you mean that woman Jay met in the bar last week wasn't the real Death Goddess? But she even had an ID card!
"Is our task finished?" Brienna asks impassively.
Jay stands there impassively....
Proving that everyone can learn something new---even from Hobbits.
... the real Lerotra'hh, terrifying and impressive....
Yes, but is she impassive?
"... pick door number one or door number two."
No thanks. I'll keep what's in the box, Monty.
"Don't blame me, I don't write these messages you know; I just deliver them."
It's rough being the messenger. Poor Blerrg. I try to cheer him up.
I don't wanna take that long! Seriously, but I don't remember the last time Krandor [super_miles --ed.] posted, so I'll go through door number two, if Jax gives up the coin and someone of importance agrees to follow me. So pretty much as long as Jay and/or Kahi don't go through door number 2 with me, I'll go with anyone, unless Krandor decides to post, in which case I will go with Jay through the opposite door.
Hang on here a minute.
Brienna calmly readies her axe as she studies the faces of the others, trying to read their reactions to the news in the hope that the traitor will let something slip.
What, you mean you don't just want to flip a coin on whether or not you live or die, and instead actually attempt to solve the problem? What a concept!
"Ah well, I shan't die without taking some of the traitorous goddess's henchmen with me, if it comes to that."
Hey, didn't you hear Blerrg? Don't blame the poor henchmen....
...if she can identify the traitor, then perhaps the rest of them will be spared.
I don't suppose anyone has a Dear God spell on them, do they?
Nevertheless, she will never again work willingly for the Death Goddess. Not after being betrayed like this.
Y'know, the woman in the bar ripped Jay off too, so it could've been the real Death Goddess....
When he says "you," I think he means the plural, in which one coin will suffice for the entire party. But if not... well, heh, then it was a pretty quick adventure.
I believe the P.S. was a singular "you," not plural. Lerotra'hh just gave Jax the coins. It's unlikely she'd bother having a death warrant read to us if she was going to pardon the lot of us. (Then again, Blerrg might've just written this himself, just to be funny. Was this document properly notarized?)
"And I would've gotten away with it if it hadn't been for you meddling delvers!"
But Scooby Doo, being a dog, is evil. [A reference to the concurrent Gedanken adventure at the BFT. --ed.] What does that say about the unmasking of Krandor/Uncle Jed? Makes me wonder if the right side won. Hmmm.
Slow learner.
Everybody knows, everybody sees
I guess everybody's just smarter than me
Some things you just can't teach
A slow learner
- (from the album American Beauty, by NBB)
...he emits a warning to his brother.... "Rock, dud!!!!"
My dentist keeps telling me to lay off those.
...he emits a warning to his brother.... "Rock, dud!!!!"
Was this supposed to be "dude," or is "dud" some form of Orcish familiar nickname?
Yes, and yes.
My dentist keeps telling me to lay off those.
Hardy har har, and hee hee.
Ahem, to clear the air (a feat quite hard to do in the presence of smelly Orcs):
Rock, dud! ('räk "d&d) interjection
Word History: "Dude" is historically misspelled as "Dud" but over time has been accepted in its own right as an esoteric phrase of the [Dracon] brothers.
Taran combined both definitions to form a warning about a falling rock, but the poster also hints at the underlying pun so often understood only by [Dracon] brothers and certain privileged others, namely that of excitement about the situation in a [Dracon] kind of way.
Clear as mud, eh?
Go To:
PBPArchives
| DangerousCreations
| prev
| next
This page updated: Mon Jan 09 14:22:12 2006
All text Copyright ©1999-2006 PBPArchives.
