A Tunnels and Trolls® play-by-post adventure run by khara_khang
As the wedding party ends, most of the party revelers have either passed out or have wandered off somewhere to whatever hole out of which they crawled. The newly happily wedded Goblin King and Queen have also departed on their honeymoon to parts unknown. With Nook leading the way, the party says their last goodbyes at the river, where they find waiting the sullen Krandor, having wanted to leave hours before. Taking the feather forcibly removed from the Hobbit's possession under extreme protest, Nook tosses it into the river and it immediately transforms into a beautiful swan boat. Everyone climbs inside (or hovers over it or nearby) and the magical swan boat pulls away, gliding down the river effortlessly.
"Ya'll come back now, ya hear! I'll tell monkey you said hi!" yells Nook as you disappear in the distance.
The swan boat continues down the river and enters a cave. The river picks up speed, going faster and faster, zipping around twisting corners, narrowly avoiding jagged rocks and turning into noisy white water rapids. Without much warning, the sound of a waterfall can be heard in the distance. Those who show fear scream (OK, mostly just the Hobbit), while others gulp deeply as they prepare for the fall, but the swan boat shoots safely out of the side of the mountain into bright morning sunlight. While everyone is suddenly blinded by the light, the swan boat glides some sixty feet before landing on the stream bank. [This stream empties into the Khazan River.] Once the swan boat has landed, it disappears, leaving no feather behind this time.
The next five days are mostly uneventful as you walk to the south following the Khazan River back to the City of Khazan. Khazan fills your vision in the distance hours before you even arrive. The city itself is huge, walled, and almost a mile across, and it's said that over a million creatures inhabit its boundaries.
Weary from your journey and late in the afternoon on the fifth day of walking, your party eventually arrives at the Khazan gates. Mixed among hundreds of other creatures entering the city, a guard at the great gates rushes over to your group as you enter, moving you aside as a large merchant caravan of two dozen wagons enter.
A normal looking Elven city guard, dressed with the bright red image of a Phoenix blazoned on his uniform rushes up to your group smiling and waving you off to the side. "I was told to be on the look out for your return, delvers. Please follow me. Cobalt is waiting to see you." Motioning you to follow him, the guard leads you through the crowd of travelers, looking back occasionally to make sure you are following him.
You eventually make your way after him to a very large castle along the river in a better part of town.
After being forced to wait in the foyer for ten minutes with the city guard, you see the large intricately carved double doors before you open and a group of delvers exit. You see a beautiful flaming-red-haired female Human Warrior, a large male half-Troll Warrior carrying a huge club, a small Leprechaun, a female Human Wizard, and a tiny female Fairy who floats above the group. The Fairy waves at Felixia as they pass, smiling. Once they have gone, your group is shown into the study where you find Cobalt seated behind a desk. He looks up at all of you and smiles, noting that some of you are not smiling.
What do you do?
Mind you, if he could smile, he wouldn't be.
"May I ask why we are here?" I am not aware if my comrades already know or not.
Blodwydd plops down in her accustomed spot on the edge of Cobalt's desk, and favors the Wizard with a leering grin. "Heyyakyutie, yah missmee?" she inquires nonchalantly, while picking some dirt out from under her left thumbnail.
Felixia looks around excitedly, "This is kewl.... This is amazing...."
Krandor, upon entering the city, looks again at the sword that Blodwydd gave him, and then reports back to his post, instead of following the rest of the group to the castle. He has other things to do, regardless of any rewards he may be forfeiting.
"Iya think I have been wrong about many things."
I think so too.
"Iya think someone died who didn't have to."
He didn't have to, but that doesn't make it a bad thing.
"Iya think some people live who should not."
All of the people. (Toads don't count as people.)
"And Iya think respect was misplaced."
That's true. There should have been more groveling in my presence. (And next time I ignore the Centaur, too.)
...have also departed on their honeymoon to parts unknown.
It's lovely this time of year.
...they find waiting the sullen Krandor, having wanted to leave hours before.
Woulda served him right to run into another Troll.
Taking the feather forcibly removed from the Hobbit's possession under extreme protest....
What's the complaint all about? He's still got all that earlier treasure he picked up. Ditto for Fuzzy.
"I was told to be on the look out for your return, delvers. Please follow me. Cobalt is waiting to see you."
No thanks. Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n has already had three of his four goals accomplished, and has to go work on the final one now. Besides, I wasn't hired with these people anyway, so he's probably not expecting me. I fly away to see how far along my Giant Toad minions are in conquering this empire.
Krandor, upon entering the city, looks again at the sword that Blodwydd gave him, and then reports back to his post, instead of following the rest of the group to the castle.
This guy is just antisocial. (As opposed to the big G''', who is just irredeemably evil and doesn't like any of you anyway.)
...the guard leads you through the crowd of travelers, looking back occasionally to make sure you are following him.
Nope.
After being forced to wait in the foyer for ten minutes with the city guard...
See what you get for following?
...you see the large intricately carved double doors before you open and a group of delvers exit. You see a beautiful flaming-red-haired female Human Warrior, a large male half-Troll Warrior carrying a huge club, a small Leprechaun, a female Human Wizard, and a tiny female Fairy who floats above the group.
Sounds like foreshadowing. Hope not.
Once they have gone, your group is shown into the study where you find Cobalt seated behind a desk. He looks up at all of you and smiles, noting that some of you are not smiling.
Who's this bozo? I chomp him on the leg. Oh, wait, I already flew away. Never mind.
"May I ask why we are here?"
Frightfully polite for a chaos fiend. You'd never hear an irredeemably evil Herculean Toad genius, a true Cthulhoid monstrosity, utter those words.
Felixia looks around excitedly, "This is kewl.... This is amazing...."
This is pretty much the end.
Frightfully polite for a chaos fiend. You'd never hear an irredeemably evil Herculean Toad genius, a true Cthulhoid monstrosity, utter those words.
Well I figured I already gave everyone a run for thier money with Amroth and that I would slow down with the rudeness for a while (heheh, a while).
Fuzz follows the gaurd and after having to wait around for ten minutes begins to consider killing whomever it is he's about to meet. Instead, he decides to wait and see if he can first weasel some money out of him. "So why did you bring us here?" He asks, as he sits in one of the offered chairs and looks around to see if there is a bar in the room.
Jamara spends the trip back walking siletly, her hands clenching and unclenching on her hammer as if wanting a fight. She says nothing to anyone, and responds to anything said with a non-committal grunt. When they get back, she spends the ten minutes standing motionless, staring at the door to Cobalt's office with her hammer still in hand until they're ushered in.
The moment we enter, she stands near the doorway, fixating Cobold with a cold, icy stare. "You could have told us. You could have told us about the traps. You could have told us about the Worms." She says quietly, her tone as cold as her gaze. "You could have told us about the damn ambrosia."
Currently Krandor and Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n are not with the group having each gone their own way.
Cobalt looks at Karanath and Fuzz, since they both ask the same question. "You're here to be paid for your troubles, and then you may leave and do as you please." Reaching into his desk, Cobalt removes eight small leather pouches and puts them on his desk. Each small pouch is made of red leather tied at the top with the silver letters C.O.K.A.S. written on each of them.
"Heyyakyutie, yah missmee?"
Cobalt looks up at Blodwydd seated on the corner of his desk and answers her, "No, not really. Be useful and pass the money out.
"Inside are 200 gold in platinum, double the agreed upon amount for your troubles." Blodwydd happily tosses everyone their bag of coins.
Cobalt steels his gaze as Jamara speaks. "I could have done a lot of things, but I didn't. The mission was successful, you did a good job, you have been paid. You are now dismissed."
Raising his fist, the Hobbit says, "Why I ought'a...." Noticing Cobalt turn his attention to him, Shipy suddenly remembers Cobalt's FineRedMist™ comment [delivered at their previous meeting --ed.] and swallows hard. "Why I ought'a go to the Blue Frog Tavern and let Chereva buy us all a drink, right Chereva? Come on Jamara, you and I have some drinking and other things to do," he says, winking at her.
What do you do?
ADVENTURE POINTS:
"We did not do a good job." Jamara answers, absently catching her pouch. "If we had done a good job, no one would have died. You tell us to do a job, but you not tell us what we need to know to do it. You send us off to protect a Goblin, and not tell us what we need to protect her from. You send us to get her through Worms and Trolls and boneheaded dead things, and not tell us how to get by them. The finger-waggler is dead. Any of us could be dead! Even your Goblin. And you maybay think throwing a few coins our way make it okay?!?"
Jamara opens the bag in her hand, turning it over slowly and letting the coins fall to the floor as she meets the Wizard's gaze, unwavering. "It is not okay, finger-waggler. Iya not care how much magic you know. It is not okay!" Jamara turns on her heel and walks out the door, not looking at anyone as she heads to the tavern. Maybe a good stiff drink will wash the bitterness out of her mouth. Not likely.
Well I figured I already gave everyone a run for thier money with Amroth...
Who's he?
...and that I would slow down with the rudeness for a while (heheh, a while).
I'm starting a charm school, if you want to join.
Fuzz follows the gaurd and after having to wait around for ten minutes begins to consider killing whomever it is he's about to meet.
I'll pay you to do so, and I've never even met Cobalt.
Instead, he decides to wait and see if he can first weasel some money out of him.
The primary motive of an elf/manticore: filthy lucre. What would you spend it on?
...looks around to see if there is a bar in the room.
Ah, never mind. It's for the tip jar, no doubt.
Jamara spends the trip back walking siletly, her hands clenching and unclenching on her hammer as if wanting a fight.
You wouldn't keep dropping the thing if you just kept your hand clenched on it.
She says nothing to anyone, and responds to anything said with a non-committal grunt.
So she did say something.
When they get back, she spends the ten minutes standing motionless, staring at the door...
This is when visiting tourists keep coming by trying to make you crack a smile.
...with her hammer still in hand.
A clenched hand, I'll wager.
"You could have told us. You could have told us about the traps. You could have told us about the Worms. You could have told us about the damn ambrosia."
He probably just didn't want to worry you. What a peach!
Currently Krandor and Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n are not with the group having each gone their own way.
We all must make our own path in life. Forget charm school, I want to start an asphalt company.
Cobalt looks at Karanath and Fuzz, since they both ask the same question.
He's cross-eyed?
Cobalt steels his gaze as Jamara speaks.
If Jamara's cold icy gaze got into a fight with Cobalt's steely gaze, who would win?
"I could have done a lot of things but I didn't. The mission was successful, you did a good job, you have been paid. You are now dismissed."
Sounds fair to me.
...Shipy suddenly remembers Cobalt's FineRedMist™ comment.
I must've missed that one.
"We did not do a good job."
Well, maybe not you specifically, but I sure did. Ha ha ha! Die Vlachos!
"If we had done a good job, no one would have died."
That was my job. Dissolve in torment, Amroth!
"You tell us to do a job, but you not tell us what we need to know to do it."
If you had simply asked the Herculean Toad genius, I'd have told you. You win some, and you lose some.
"Any of us could be dead! Even your Goblin."
But you aren't, so the point is?
"And you maybay think throwing a few coins our way make it okay?!?"
That's generally the life of a delver. If you want a better job, I need someone to shovel asphalt.
Jamara opens the bag in her hand, turning it over slowly and letting the coins fall to the floor as she meets the Wizard's gaze, unwavering. "It is not okay, finger-waggler. Iya not care how much magic you know. It is not okay!" Jamara turns on her heel and walks out the door, not looking at anyone as she heads to the tavern.
Some people weren't meant to be delvers.
What do you do?
Turn Khazan into rubble with my mighty winged Toad army, then pave over it all with asphalt.
"Well then, since you are done, I shall not be heard again till danger calls." He walks out the door first, yet even if someone comes out behind him they see no more once outside the door because he goes off with a <poof>, doing Chaos Fiend things....
How many experience points would Amroth have gotten? <lol>
Blodwydd watches Jamara's display of pique with open-mouthed astonishment. As Jamara exits the room, Blodwydd throws a quick quizzical glance in Cobalt's direction, then scurries over, kneels down, and begins industriously picking coins off the floor.
Felixia looks down at Blodwydd. "We can give them to Jamara later," she says softly.
Who's he?
A loser of Survivor: Khazan. It really doesn't matter. Who'd take what a flying toad thinks seriously, anyway? Wait, I see dead people... specifically, Amroth!
I'm starting a charm school, if you want to join.
Well get a big loan, because you're going to need to buy some first! Didn't you already give Gollum the finger?
I'll pay you to do so, and I've never even met Cobalt.
Won't you need that money for charm school?
The primary motive of an elf/manticore: filthy lucre.
Hmmm, I thought that was filthy sucker, not lucre? Remember what Fuzz said when he looked into the pool: "I see a horrible hideous monster, oh man, he is so sickening... wait a minute... that's my reflection."
Ah, never mind. It's for the tip jar, no doubt.
It's under the asphalt. It's been paved over. Don't you read the posts?
You wouldn't keep dropping the thing if you just kept your hand clenched on it.
The layer of superglue around the handle wouldn't hurt any either.
So she did say something.
I think she said, "I wish I were wearing my magical underwear!"
This is when visiting tourists keep coming by trying to make you crack a smile.
And I thought the Crack of Doom was bad!
A clenched hand, I'll wager.
What I lack in size, I make up for in weakness. What you lack in quipping, she makes up in grip!
He probably just didn't want to worry you. What a peach!
That's what Amroth said. Now he's a disembodied spirit!
We all must make our own path in life. Forget charm school, I want to start an asphalt company.
Welcome to the club!
He's cross-eyed?
No, he just looks that way.
If Jamara's cold icy gaze got into a fight with Cobalt's steely gaze, who would win?
Let's have a staring contest and find out.
Sounds fair to me.
You say that now, but wait until later when some Wizard is giving steely faces!
I must've missed that one.
Don't you ever read the Archives? GrappleJax is not creating them for his health.
That was my job. Dissolve in torment, Amroth!
Only if your job were that easy.
Turn Khazan into rubble with my mighty winged Toad army, then pave over it all with asphalt.
Do you have the right signed permits? I think not.
Glimpse into my future: "I see a big screen, a golden statue, and me giving a thank you speech in some weird place..." <lol>
"I doan thingshee wannum..." says Blodwydd skeptically, continuing to collect coins off the floor. "I doan unnerstan whyshee so upsetta boutta wizzurd. Heewa kinna jerky.
"Mebbe weekin buy Jamara a drink tho, if shees atta tavern." Blodwydd adds, pocketing the last of the coins and standing backup. "A lil' drinkypoo kin make ennybuddy feel better... Doan yoo think, Chereva?!"
Leaving Cobalt with a coy wink in parting, Blodwydd turns to stride out of castle. "See you allat thu tavern!" she cries out merrily, and sets off with happy thoughts of mugs of cheap ale and the clatter of dice dancing through her head....
Felixia follows Blodwydd, not really sure of the way to the tavern. "So is this a nice tavern?" she asks, fluttering after her. "Do they sell good drinks?"
Fuzz takes his coins and follows Blodwydd to the tavern. Once there he gets drunk using someone else's tab. He then sobers up, says farewell to the rest of the group and heads off to the north looking for employment in another town somewhere.
Who'd take what a flying toad thinks seriously, anyway?
Anyone small enough to be swallowed should at least pretend to do so.
Didn't you already give Gollum the finger?
I thought Frodo gave Gollum the finger. I keep forgetting how that non-essential chapter went.
It's under the asphalt. It's been paved over. Don't you read the posts?
You've never pressed a penny in a new sidewalk or street?
You say that now, but wait until later when some Wizard is giving steely faces!
I've bested an inanimate object in a staring contest before.
Don't you ever read the Archives? GrappleJax is not creating them for his health.
I'm waiting for the Reader's Digest condensed version.
Only if your job were that easy.
Being an irredeemably evil Cthulhoid monster is a satisfying job.
Do you have the right signed permits? I think not.
Nope, but it's easier to beg forgiveness than it is to ask permission.
I go away for a week and look what happens: the adventure ends, Fuzz runs away with most of the loot, and Khazan is a parking lot! Yoikes! My dam said there'd be days like this....
After leaving the Goblin wedding bash in a drunken cloud of confusion and spending the next five days walking it off, Chereva comes to terms with her feelings, but says nothing about it to Krandor nor to the two fems with whom the shared adventure had forged her strong friendship. Funny how fate conspires to break one's heart. An outcast from her own stable, she is used to the feeling at least. She loses sight of Krandor at the gates of Khazan, and reckons the noble captain is gone from her life forever.
Later, in Cobalt's grand office, she witnesses Jamara's fit of muted rage with amazement second only to Blodwydd's. She secretly relishes Jamara's berating of Cobalt, as she wanted to do the very thing herself, but couldn't find the words. "Gotta hand it to her," she remarks to Blodwydd after she finishes picking up the spilled coins, "She can always be trusted to speak her mind."
"Why I ought'a go to the Blue Frog Tavern and let Chereva buy us all a drink, right Chereva?"
"A lil' drinkypoo kin make ennybuddy feel better... Doan yoo think, Chereva?!"
Chereva responds with sudden cheerfulness, as if an idea has sprung forth unbidden, "You got it. Maybe we can cheer up our Jamara too. Lemme chat with the Wiz here a bit, then I'll meet you all at the Blue Frog!"
As the others depart from Cobalt's office, some hear Chereva say, "Cobalt, how's about a favor or two for your favorite delver?" Those that hear are sure that Chereva follows her entreaty with a heaping dose of her trademark feminine charm.
An hour later at the Blue Frog Tavern, Chereva appears with a large well-aged cask of ale on her shoulder and an envelope in her mouth. She no longer carries the dragon shield. She approaches the bartender, places the cask with a resounding thud on the bar and hands him the envelope, saying, "I'm here for the bouncer opening. That's a letter of recommendation from Wizard Darkwater, C.O.K.A.S."
All eyes are on her (or the cask) as she turns around and sees her fellow adventurers (sans Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n and Krandor). She finds Jamara and Blodwydd and tells them, "I promised you gals a drink of Mr. Toad's Finest, after all this blew over, and here it is!" She then taps her oxtongue on the floor and adds, "Drinks are on me, chums!"
And there is much rejoicing.
Fuzz meets an old friend and trades stories of adventure with him, at one point lamenting Amroth's death and denying loudly that he is still looking for the Holy Hand Grenade. At Felixia's urging, Blodwydd offers Jamara her gold back before she leaves. Before the cask runs dry and everyone departs, Chereva sings a lusty Centaurian ballad or two as Stark whistles and Karanath looks on mutely as only a Chaos Fiend can. Chereva even throws in an untitled song she makes up on the spot about a lowly Hobbit who leads a band of would-be adventurers up the river to seek their fortune. Shipy promptly calls it "There and Back Again," and the rest is history.
Krandor finds a large package addressed to him at his guard post. If he opens it, he discovers inside Chereva's dragon shield and his unclaimed pouch of 200 gp (in platinum) from Cobalt. There is also a note which reads in flowing Centaurian script:
"Dear Krandor, not to outdo Blodwydd, but I figure someone who's out there guarding Khazan from Glarg's minions and the like should have more use of this than someone who's bouncing troublemakers out of the tavern! Drop by the Blue Frog when you're off duty and say "hi" if you like. Fondly, Chereva."
Go To:
PBPArchives
| GoblinLake
| prev
| next
This page updated: Mon Jan 09 14:22:16 2006
All text Copyright ©1999-2006 PBPArchives.
