A Gamma World® play-by-post adventure run by gammaworld_gm
"I say, I say Tin-head, now we are really in deep doodoo. We don't have a plot, we don't have originality and the main character was weeping, not to mention that Frieda initiated a time-line divergence! And she calls Xeva bad, but that's the least of our credibility problems."
"And you wonder why Jonn doesn't like you."
"No brain, no pain, I always say.... I told you he was high strung. All NARCs are like that, PSH thoroughbreds. It doesn't take telepathy to disbelieve the weeping "accident" story. I still say it qualifies as a battle tactic. Thank goodness for Lamia it was only a flesh wound. Luckily, no vital organs were damaged either. You know that brain cells are the only thing you can't regenerate!"
"Be glad you had no brains to start with."
"Brains or no brains, I have, I say, I still have my ruggedly ham'some good looks and wittingly alluring personality. It's not every day someone can carry off that look as I do. Geo, this is why I insist upon a proper greeting etiquette! As I greeted Lamia," he flexes his fingers. "And what up with Templeton? Well, I suppose we could use him as a hat stand."
"Oh, then what would your job be?"
"I'm gonna take that personally y'know," he sighs. "Great, we don't even have baddies anymore. Even Xeva is gone. She knew how to poke an eye out and still make us laugh. I miss Brimstone; at least we knew what he was going to do next, and he was the only useful mutant around."
"How fitting. You three are all half-brained. Okay, you've made your point."
"See? Your mother was right!"
"I never had a mother!"
"I know...you bastard!"
"That joke wasn't funny the first 10 times Foghorn."
"No matter how many times I say that it's still funny. Talk about sharp reflexes."
"You just always have to win, don't you?"
"Yes and thank you. No wonder I have such an affinity for droids and machines!"
The small floor model Kb floor cleaning robot (about the size of a small dog) sits powerless and helpless to defend itself as Rhyn rips it a new a---er, rips it apart (taking its chips and wiring).
Rounding the corner of the main concourse, Rhyn notices a small gift shop with the door standing open. Inside she can hear a dog barking, two other people, and some creature squealing. Hearing foot steps, Rhyn turns around to see a brightly colored Lizardwoman flanked by two soldiers carrying powerful Mark VII blaster rifles (about 60 feet away coming toward you).
What do you do?
Howard is just about to explain to Doctor Templeton a little bit about himself and the motley crew to the other-worldly man when the Doctor is conscripted into service by Frieda. The Duckoid sighs as only a Duckoid can, but shakes off being dissed by Frieda and "Doctor" Templeton quite easily---he's not convinced the danger is over.
Meanwhile, Jonn has his thoughts solely on his lady and it seems her medical emergency is taking up everyone's attention. As the rest file back into the ship past Ironcat, Howard motions and catches the cybercat's attention. The metal and flesh construct stands just outside the ship's entry archway. "'Cat, let'sth go!"
Ironcat pauses to discern whether or not he is fully recovered, and as he does so, a shadow comes over him.
"You going somewhere, Howard of the Twenty-third and One Half Century?" TwoDucks sticks his head out of the archway to take in the scene.
Did we ever determine if Twoducks is a listhping Duckoid, or not?
"Yessthiree. I gotta feeling thisth party ain't over yet!" Howard searches for signs for which way Xeva, Kicker and Myc went. They snuck off the ship one by one, and Howard ignored them in lieu of getting Ironcat back online, but now he is curious. And of course, those "damnable" mages, as Leghorn would put it, are still out there---maybe. "Too many maybesth," he mutters under his breath as he starts off down a darkened corridor, senses at the ready and weapons strapped tightly to his small but sturdy frame.
"It might be poizonouz luv. Youz need me to suck out the poizon?"
"Really, could it be poison? Ahhhh. Hurts like a bitch. Ahhhh. You might need to. Ahhhh," he moans, grabbing the attacked area. "You know these parts better than I. Ahhhh. Dammit. Do what you think is best. Ahhhh. Son of a bitch."
"It's just a little flesh wound. You big baby!"
Going into Jonn's head at the point where Lamia revives would take too much space here, overtax me with the empathic effort, and likely incite more complaints of "mush with a capital M" from certain Leoparoid cast members. Those members have been sacked. <Ow!> Uh... just kidding! <rubs backside gingerly>
Below I have assumed that the only group members on the bridge of the XJ1 are Geo, Captain Leghorn and Jonn. Frieda, Doctor Templeton and Lamia are in the medical bay, Howard has gone off investigating outside, and Twoducks and Ironcat presumably accompany him. Mycinod and Kicker are elsewhere on Level 17 (top/hangar) and Xeva is on Level 3 (ground/Tavern), along with the newbies Reverend Bunyun (in the Tavern), Chuck/Kramer and Rhyn. That leaves only Jake to be accounted for, and in deference to his writer(s), I only assume he's not on the bridge.
We rejoin Jonn as he paces the bridge of the XJ1 after he was forcefully removed from the medical bay by Frieda:
"Do not worry, Jonn, the duralloy floor panels will not mar with your continued efforts to plow them with your boots."
"I say, I say boy, look at me when I talk to you! I saw what you did to my girl out there! Don't think I will let you get away with that! But being a ham'some genteel Southerner, I will only issue a warning, I say warning shot offa your bow. Next ti---"
Jonn whirls around angrily at the Roosteroid, and cuts him off with his PSH glare. He speaks so deliberately and evenly that his jaw appears motionless, "Don't you have a family to rescue?" His stance softens as the excess color drains from his features. He seems already regretful of his words, but he leaves them where they land.
Clearing his head with a mental shake, he turns to Geo. Jonn's gaze bores holes right through the G-E-O emblazoned across the robot's breastplate. "I just don't understand why the Mages attacked us," he asks rhetorically. Then he looks directly into Geo's optical inputs. "Any clues to what's going on here?"
Receiving no immediate answer, he walks to the center of the bridge. "Crikey, we should've never entered Datil. What was I thinking," he mutters as he slumps into the First Officer's chair. "We went there to save your family and got nothing but a huge clusterfrak," he swivels in the chair, pointing a finger at the Roosteroid lounging at a science station.
Leghorn looks suddenly sullen and deflated---defeated, even. He starts to say something, but then holds his tongue. Silence envelops the bridge like a death shroud.
"Being a NARC never used to be this complicated," Jonn thinks. Then again, he usually operates alone. How badly does he value his vision---NARC's vision---of an Albuquerque restored? Is he willing to continue risking his life, indeed, the lives of those for whom he now cares and loves, in what is looking more and more like a hopeless entanglement? Confusion sets in as he ponders these questions. "This is getting way over my head."
Jonn massages the back of his tension-kinked neck with a hand, and brushes across the fine metal chain there. Following it around, he fishes out the contents of the chain: a dog whistle, and his beloved NARC medallion. Jonn commissioned it from a friend of Abe's back in Haven nine years ago, at the end of his leave of absence from NARC when things finally started making sense again. Dangling the silver medal in front of his face, he reflects on its symbolism.
Affectionately known as the "NARC dragon" in NARC's inner circles, the winged silhouette on the medal is actually that of a phoenix, presumably rising anew from the ashes of its own death pyre---Old Albuquerque. Jonn's original intent was that his medal serve as a constant reminder of NARC's ultimate goal---and his ideals---but he now realizes with a shiver that it can equally represent his soulmate's miraculous continued existence. A second shiver soon follows when he realizes where he got the dog whistle; visions of Petey exploding like a blood sausage haunt him, and he is momentarily overcome again with the fragility of life in the chaotic universe.
Geo compares Jonn's biophysical profile with a profile he recorded outside the Oad-Ck-Factory weeks ago. They are almost identical. "Ha!" his spare electrons congratulate themselves.
The robot breaks the silence before Jonn can have another epiphany. "Jonn, I have no idea why the Mages attacked, or how they came to hold Lamia and possibly the Leghorns, too. Our relationship was purely platonic, er, professional (did I say that out loud?): they got to use this ship and I got spare parts to rebuild my Starport. Your boss sent us here; why don't you ask him?"
A look of realization comes over Jonn as he jumps to his feet. His NARC secure radio is EMP-shielded, but... "My radio is all the way down in the Tavern! Lamia---"
"Will be fine. She's in good hands---eheh, don't go there, fowl," Geo interrupts the PSH and also throws a prophylactic quip-squelcher Leghorn's way, but it falls flat, as the Captain doesn't seem to be in the mood to quip.
Jonn balks at the exit to the bridge. Stiles can wait, but not much longer. "Oh Crikey, Captain, beak up," he sighs, turning and offering his hand to the Roosteroid. "C'mon, everyone's out looking for your family. Let's beat them to it." It is a tactical assumption. For all Jonn knows, the Mages left Leghorn's family with parting shots as well, or his motley gang is out there engaging the hoodlums with gunfire. Perhaps it's the former that the Roosteroid fears the most, underneath all that bravado. "And Leghorn," Jonn says, pulling him out of his chair, and swallowing his pride, "thanks for saving Lamia. I owe you one."
"Hold down the fort," Jonn says to Geo as he collects his auto rifle (two spare clips are in his thigh pockets) and unhooks an emergency flashlight from its niche in the doorway.
"What fort?" Geo says as he binary searches his pure strain idiomatic expression files. But the PSH and the foul fowl have already rushed down the corridor toward the cargo bay. "Frak, I'm talking to myself."
Snapping the neck of the lizard thing (having obtained the GM's OK), I casually toss it aside to let Kramer chew on it.
"You get her and I get the lizard and the bunny. Seems fair enough."
"You'rz not going to die luv, at leazt not juzt yet." Removing a healing tran-k from a hidden compartment on my belt (having obtained the GM's OK), I jam it into Chuck's backside. He flinches and whimpers at the pain. "It should heal in a few minutez. In the meantime, I have a problem yoz can fix."
I lead Chuck into the small dark room and we begin taking off our clothes and kissing (having obtained the GM's OK, but not Chuck's).
"My name is Chuck."
"Of course it is. Now shut up and do this...!"
"He really has no idea how to take care of me. I'm so tired of eating lizard." He hears grunting noises from Chuck and Xeva, but acts disinterested.
Even my tail droops somewhat as I apathetically march along side Jonn Dukas. If only his weak PSH brain knew the truth of my internal torment: Timon never kidnapped my family. Rather, I senselessly sold them into slavery to save myself. I was told that my family would never be told the truth about what I did.
This knowledge doesn't lesson my guilt any. If Jonn knew the truth, it would be devastating. I betrayed him once and he forgave me. Jonn is like the dumb PSH brother I never had. He looks up to me, mostly because I am taller. I hold the truth in my craw and walk along beside him humming, "Grunka Lunka Dunkity, Grunka Lunka Dunkity...."
Resting on the medical bay table, Lamia smiles and relaxes as Frieda attends to her, putting an IV in her arm. Lamia's smile seems almost infectious and she doesn't even flinch with the pain of the needle.
"I've always liked you, Frieda. Even from the first moment we met. Sometimes it's not easy to find your niche in a diverse group like ours. I was like that once not that long ago. I also had mixed feelings about my future and struggled with what I wanted to do with my life. I decided to remain with those who cared for me, because in this harsh life we lead, all we really have are our friends." She pauses. "Have you ever really been in love Frieda?"
Geo is on the bridge alone when Jake enters by himself, having been unpacking something from the TTV's weapons locker. A button starts flashing and beeping on the console in front of Geo as Jake walks over beside him.
"What's beeping?"
"The beeping is a fail-safe warning of a singularity in the gradient of the curvature of space time caused by a sophisticated polyhedral metroboloidal firosgas discharge feedback system."
"Really? Is that bad?"
"Not really. I just cause it to do that every once in a while so it looks like I'm doing something important. Otherwise Jonn would think I'm just an oversized paper weight. Technobabble fools most PSHs, like on ancient Star Trek."
"You really should stop hanging around Leghorn. Shut this puppy down, put the parking brake on and come with me Geo. We have a robot to fix."
"Parking brake?" he emits, following Jake.
Jake and Geo return to the TTV in the cargo hold, collect the Pleasurebot's lifeless frame (Geo carries it) and return to the medical bay. Once inside the medical bay, Jake uncharacteristically removes his shades and pauses beside Geo until Frieda glances toward them.
This happens seconds after Frieda answers Lamia's love question.
"Missy, when you finish with Lamia, I need your assistance with a cyborg cranial repair." He turns back toward Geo near the door. "Do you think you could also assist us, Geo?"
Still holding the Pleasurebot, Geo replies, "Jake, I think you have me confused with an R2 unit."
Myc takes Darien's dropped machine pistol and stows it in his favorite mushroom hiding place. Pulling Darien Maxium to his feet, Myc drags him over to the bomb on the door and pushes his face up against it tightly.
"Listen to me, you low down Mystic punk. As I see it, you have two choices. One, you can become a bomb suppression mat and die a most horrible warm blood death in....uh," he pulls Darien's face back to look, then pushes it back, "6:09 minutes, or, two, you can disarm the bomb and live to wet yourself another day. Being a mushroom, I do not fear death. I welcome it, as I will return in another form at another time."
Shaking with fear, the Mystic Mage wannabe splutters, "Okay, okay I'll disarm... please, please, I don't wanna die."
Darien punches in the correct code and the bomb is disarmed with less than a minute to spare. From down the hall behind them, Howard, TwoDucks and Ironcat approach, joining Myc, Kicker and their new Mystic prisoner.
"Good work Myc. You just saved that no good Rhode Island Red's family," growls the Leoparoid with a snarl.
Kicker opens the door. Inside, huddled in a darkened corner of the small empty room are who could only be Penny Leghorn and her chicks Raggy and Little Bit. Raggy, the spitting image of his father, only miniaturized, looks up at Kicker with large eyes.
"Are... I say, are you going to kill us now you cock-a-roach?"
"No little one. We are here to save you."
Slowly Penny, Raggy and Little Bit come out of the room as Myc, Kicker, Howard, TwoDucks, and Ironcat all watch them with fascination.
"I'll be, I say, I'll be a rooster some day, Leoparoid, if you wanna wait for a real Roosteroid," says Raggy, looking up at Kicker and winking at her.
Kicker sighs, crossing her arms and shaking her head. "Two of them? And people wonder why I'm hostile!"
Minutes pass before Jonn and Leghorn arrive on the scene. The moment Leghorn spots his family he bursts through the crowd and hugs all three of them at the same time. Penny starts cluckin' and the two chicks start chirpin'.
"I knew my well-orchestrated plan would save you, oh Penny my love!"
"Say what?"
"Shhh, Myc."
Without warning, the Albuquerque Starport reactor comes back online and the once darkened corridors of the ancient Starport light up again. Jonn notices the elevators are not that much farther down the hall.
[Group reshuffle:
"Once more into the breach my friend!" He pauses, looking at the lizard creature. "I'm hungry for popcorn." He listens to the grunting sounds from the closet.
Kramer passes the time with a ditty:
"A cautious young fellow named Lage',
had seat belts installed in his Dodge,
when his date was strapped in,
he committed a sin without ever leaving the garage!"
He laughs, entertaining himself.
The pain from your (Chuck) wound disappears within a few minutes, as does the wound itself.
"Chums, I want you to meet my family we just saved. This is, I say, this is Penny, my hen, and these two chicks are Raggy and Little Bit. Family, this is my good friend Jonn, uh, Jonn Dukas." He cups his hand and whispers, "He's second in command." He continues, "Howard Dodgers in the 24th [sic] and a Halfth Century (third in command), TwoDucks (non-poster #1), Ironcat (non-poster #2), Kicker (non-poster #3) and Myc (my mushroom protégé)." Then he points to Darien, "(No idea who he is, but act like you like him)... and we are missing Frieda (hubba-hubba), Lamia, Jake, Doc and Geo.
"Gentlemen, I must warn you... if any of you so much as glance at my Penny in a sexual way, I'll be all over you like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure."
Mycinod cups his hand and whispers to Howard, "I knew he would do this. Why, why, why didn't you let me shoot him?" He likes the sound of manure.
"How do I look, sweetums?"
"Like a cheap French harlot, my love!"
Penny clucks, smiling at the remark. "French!?"
"This reminds me of when I was captain back at the factory. All I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared, they could sit around the whole day drinking beer and eating chicken feed in their underwear. I'm glad, I say, I'm glad you people show me the same devoted loyalty. You know boys, a good captain needs many skills, such as boldness, daring, and ham'some looks, and a big set of... of... of," he notices chicks present, "spurs! And I'm not convinced anyone but myself has all of those qualities."
Leghorn motions to Jonn and whispers, "Ixnay on the ontinuitycay!"
Hearing foot steps, Rhyn turns around to see a brightly colored Lizardwoman flanked by two soldiers carrying powerful Mark VII blaster rifles (about 60 feet away coming toward you).
"Umm, hey guys, please point those things somewhere else. I'm not a hostile."
shoot them shoot them now
Rhyn rolls her eyes then calmly says, "Umm, look I'm just here for shelter and well... work... heh."
quit talking and start killing
Rhyn holds her rifle in a non-threating manner and hopes this won't come down to a firefight.
Kramer thinks, "I wonder how this lizard will be? Looks like a good meal? Let me sniff it.... Does it smell OK to eat?"
Chuck thinks, "This is great! She saved my butt and then healed it and now! WOW!! I am glad I found this place." Chuck continues his exploration of his newfound friend Xeva.
"Thankz, sweet cheeks, you're half not bad, but we've done enough spelunking for one day. I have business elsewhere," gingerly Xeva pats your face in a mock slap. Dressing, Xeva exits the closet.
"Hi mutt."
"Grrr...." He thinks, "Too much radiation in this lizard. Now maybe Chuck can stop thinking about sex and find me some real food... like popcorn."
Leaving the darkened gift shop, Xeva heads down the main concourse. A few minutes later, dressed and feeling better, you (Chuck) leave the closet. You hear blaster fire down the hall. The lights come on in the gift shop, the door closes and locks. The bat-weilding Xxi Service Robot, who was standing behind the door powerless, comes alive.
"Now you're in real trouble, mister sneak thief. Can't you read the sign. We're closed for Easter! Sticks and stones may break your bones, but now you can add me to the list!" The robot moves in on you with the baseball bat.
Music with full stereo surround sound starts playing inside the gift shop. A very deep ancient voice sings, "You're going down, down, down... in a burning ring of fire!"
"I told you sex was going to be the death of us, Chuck!" Barking (to the beat of the music), Kramer keeps just out of reach of the metal fiend.
What do you do?
The brightly colored Lizardwoman with crescent-shaped pupils walks up to within fifteen feet of you (Rhyn) before stopping. Both soldiers flanking her wear body armor and appear to be average humanoids. Looking at their Mark VII blasters up close, you can't help but be in awe of their power and rarity, even if they are aimed at you.
The Lizardwoman stands about 5'7" and wears little more than a rag around her waist, leaving the rest exposed (right, a man wrote this). Her skin is light green, with lighter areas down the front. Pinkish webbing covers the outside of each arm from the wrist to the elbow, between each finger, and down the center of the back from neck to ass. Like most lizards, she does have a forked tongue, but she also has sharp wicked-looking needle-like teeth. Since lizardwomen don't have hair, she wears a bright colored pink wig and headset, which matches her arm and back webbing.
"Hi mutie. Don't worry, we're not going to shoot you. Lower your weapons, boys."
From behind you (Rhyn), about 30 feet away, a woman exits the darkened gift shop and walks toward you. She is unarmed and dressed in tight fitting leather clothes which reveal a lot of skin, with thigh high leather boots. She has numerous intricate blue tattoos, lots of make up, and an ornate item in her hair---speaking of which, she has a lot of hair.
The soldiers shift their weapons to aim at the new woman. But she doesn't stop until the barrel of one soldier's weapon touches her chest.
"Ooowzzee, I likez," she says, looking down at the weapon touching her cleavage. She looks toward the Lizardwoman, "Yoz must be Xervian."
"Yes, that would be me. And who are you?"
"You'z worst nightmare, babez!"
Using heightened reflexes, Xeva jerks the blaster rifle from the near soldier's hands, and puts him in a headlock in front of her. Both Xeva and the other soldier (which moves) fire two shots at each other. The free soldier takes two direct hits in the chest at near point-blank range, and the soldier Xeva is holding as a shield takes two hits in the chest. Xeva immediately releases her grip and both soldiers fall dead to the tiled floor at the same time. Even before the sound of the bodies hitting the floor, Xeva rifle-butts Xervian upside the head, and the Lizardwoman instantly collapses to the floor unconscious. Tossing the rifle aside, Xeva does a victory dance, much like the ones ancient PSH football players used to do when they scored a touchdown.
"Who'z bad, who'z bad?" Noticing Ryhn still standing there, Xeva stops dancing and looks at her. "Whatz? I waz having a moment here!"
The lights come back on throughout the entire Starport.
[Group juggle:
Meanwhile, back at the farm.... Well, it might as well be a farm with two ducks, a hen, two chicks, a cat, a rooster and a mushroom!
Howard lowers his IR rifle as he nears Kicker and Mycinod in the hallway. Myc, his one-time barrel-race rescuer and full-time mushroom mercenary, seems to have the situation well in hand---or stalk, as it were. He notices the deactivated bomb and sighs as only a Duckoid can.
The self-proclaimed, temporally displaced Duckoid sighs with relief again at the sight of Leghorn's family, seemingly unharmed. "Maybe now," Howard thinks, "the big lug will finally shut up about his lost family and check his Rhode Island Red angst at the door." Howard isn't feeling any rivalry or jealousy---well, mostly anyway.
"I'll be, I say, I'll be a rooster some day, Leoparoid, if you wanna wait for a real Roosteroid," says Raggy, looking up at Kicker and winking at her.
Kicker sighs, crossing her arms and shaking her head. "Two of them? And people wonder why I'm hostile!"
At this exchange, Howard finally lets go of the tension of the past hour and laughs a hearty Duckoid laugh. "WAUGH, waugh, waugh, waugh, waugh!"
"Gentlemen, I must warn you... if any of you so much as glance at my Penny in a sexual way, I'll be all over you like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure."
Mycinod cups his hand and whispers to Howard, "I knew he would do this. Why, why, why didn't you let me shoot him?"
Howard whispers back to the Fungoid, "I never sthaid not to sthoot him, you know!"
Straightening up to his full diminutive height, Howard retorts, "Don't worry Leghorn. Sthome of usth aren't mobile pilesth of hormonesth." Howard elbows Jonn in the side, while at the same time trying to believe what he is saying aloud, even though his statement can't be farther from the truth as concerns himself. Then again, is it hormones, or just his latent duck instincts? Regardless of the situation and his take on it, Howard is happy that Leghorn's family is safe. But then he remembers Lamia.
"Dukasth!" Howard spins to face his friend. "How'sth Lamia?" Remembering Lamia also makes him remember the Mages, and he turns a mean eye to the Mage under Myc's grip.
"Who'z bad, who'z bad?" Noticing Ryhn still standing there, Xeva stops dancing and looks at her. "Whatz? I waz having a moment here!"
ok this one is cool nuts but cool
"Um... why did you just kill those two soldiers, and what the hell did you just nail the lizard for? And who are you?" Ryhn quietly checks to make sure the old flint lock rifle is ready just in case. "By the way, my name's Rhyn. I'm a merc."
get the tnt ready the gun ready the gun
"Please explain," she asks the woman.
take aim and shoot xervian is rich she may give you money
Rhyn grins and then shakes her head slightly.
do something
"No, never mind, I don't really want to know."
get us money dammit shoot her
She shakes her head again and mutters below her breath, "No." She continues to the strange woman, "Look, I'm not gonna mess with this. I don't even want to know...."
Chuck speaks telepathically to Kramer, "Keep up the barking---it's a good distraction!" Chuck unholsters his blaster, ready for a fight. He raises his garbage can lid shield for protection against the bat.
"WAIT A SECOND!" he yells at the robot, "Hey buddy you got the wrong guy! The chick that just left was the one you are after!!" Chuck is ready to blaster this old hunk of tin if it doesn't buy his line of crap.
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