A Tunnels and Trolls® play-by-post adventure run by khara_khang
Khara Khang, what did you think of my idea of playing a healing specialist? I can play Olvarin as a regular Wizard if you prefer.
I liked it. Yes, you can play a healing specialist.
If there's still room, I'm in with Jay, okay?
You're in like flint.
Another thing, Khara, couldn't I go over to Brienna's store?
Yes, but don't expect to buy magic items other than potions. Brienna's Store is just across the street from the Blue Frog Tavern.
PLEASE COME BACK KHARA! I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO!! You're the best GM ever! A faithful friend, and we can't live without your... GM-iness.
(Subtext reads: takes bribes and flattery gracefully.)
Oh, and what a beautiful sword it is, the weapon I finally chose to hang at my side. It's a common statistic we scholars are fond of, you know: The average adventuresome soul changes weapons a full six times before he finds one he really likes! Did you know that? No? I thought not. Where was I?
This story began in a small tavern in Khazan, which is still in my humble opinion the finest of the cities in all the Dragon Continent, as I'm certain you know, but I ramble.... It did indeed begin in Khazan, for me at least, because it was in the Capitol that I lived when the strange course of events that you're going to read about was thrust upon a crew and me. I suspect that it had its true start many centuries before my time, but that is neither here nor there....
"Lucky, is that really the good stuff? Can I have this much of the bad stuff, then?"
Shipy gives the sociable Fairy a once over, squinting a little to see the floating Warrior.
"I'll start now. You're buying, right? Is it a pirate's blade, or is the blade piratical, or is the blade pirated? Is Rahnian a pirate? Ooh, what's that? Is it a map?"
"Umm, yeah it's a real blade," Shipy replies. He looks at the crumpled paper in his hand. "No this is not a map; this is personal." Folding the paper, he stuffs it back into his pocket, but not before Quickly is able to read it.
Taran waits for Shipy to look up, then dishevels the Hobbit's head of hair in greeting.
As always, the Hobbit sighs and looks up at the Orc brother. Where one Orc brother can be found, there is usually another to follow. His once perfectly combed hair now stands a-jumble as if he were recently in a windstorm.
"Argh, how's it goin', Shippo?"
"Oh its been good," he says, waving the air away after getting a wiff of Taran's breath. Looking toward the door, Shipy notices the second Orc brother enter and is not in the least bit surprised.
"Oh, hiya Shipy! Care to join us for old time's sake?"
"Oh yes," Shipy says, then follows up with: "Fellow adventurers, prepare to be dazzled!" With his mug in his hand, Shipy hops off the stool and walks across the room with the Orc brothers to a table. At the same time, Amroth says his hellos and goodbyes and then exits the tavern in his own strange but fascinating style.
"...I come in peace, and I am seeking the Hobbit Shippy [sic]...." Bending over to grab the paper, the innumerable numer of shawls and cloaks fall off his body, revealing a single Leprechaun on stilts.
"That's Shipy with one 'p'. Welcome aboard, Leprechaun." Shipy does a second take as Megol appears, also a Leprechaun. "This adventure will involve an ocean voyage and pirates... with patches over their eyes, I'm sure. Any questions?"
Many hands go up.
"Nope? Then I'll just sit down." Shipy motions for the others to join him as well. Ocullos, Jax, Taran, and Jay all circle around a table near the window and have a seat. Quickly hovers above, listening.
"How many bars have you announced this quest to, or are we the only chosen ones to have a share in this mysterious and perhaps nonexistent wealth?"
The hobbit pauses to count on his fingers as he looks up at her. "Just one so far, since it was my first stop." Shipy points for her to join him.
"Master Shipy, my name is Olvarin. I am a healer of sorts. If it pleases you, I shall accompany you on your grand quest. Will you have me?"
Cupping his hand to his mouth as if that would make them unable to hear him, the Hobbit says, "Sure, we need all the help we can get. Besides, how can I refuse you, if I've already said yes to the Orc brothers?"
"Bag of bones my a$$. You want some hidden treasure, Shippo? I've got all anyone here needs right in my underpants...."
Jack's crude behavior does not go unnoticed by anyone inside the bar.
"Pirates huh?" Jack chimes in. Jack thinks frantically to himself: "Blackbeard... Captain Nemo... Captain Hook... Long John Silver... Pegleg Pete... Bluebeard...." All are great pirate names. They echo through Jack's empty skull as he slips into a daydream before snapping back to reality.
"So how are all the little people anyway?"
"You haven't been paying attention to a word I've said, have you, Jack?" Turning back to the others, Shipy clears his throat. "We leave in one hour from a ship along the south docks called the Night Gail. There will be plenty of treasure and adventure for everyone. Don't be late. Jay, I need a translation on that paper I gave you; it tested for magic."
What do you do?
Ocullos first goes to Brienna's store to buy as many healing potions as he can with 30 gold (5 max). Then he waits in the Tavern until it's time to go, then he goes to the ship at the docks.
"I say, could I obtain directions to the South Dock from you?" Olvarin says quickly before Shipy has a chance to wander off. Listening carefully to the reply, Olvarin nods to confirm to the wise old Hobb that he understands. "In an hour then."
Making his way through the crowd, the elf makes it to the bar and waves for the barkeep's attention.
"Yeah? Whadd'ya want, skinny?"
"Good evening to you, sir. I was wondering if there might be any adventurers who might be staying here to recover from wounds suffered in the wilds."
"Could be. Why'joo you want to know?"
"I could perhaps provide assistance to them. I am a healer of sorts."
The barkeep scratches at the side of his nose. "And I'm a guy who makes his living serving food and drink and renting out rooms. Why would I tell 'ya if it's going to cost me customers?"
"Oh... uh... we could split the payment?"
Olvarin is going to try to scrounge up some cash by offering his services to the wounded, poisoned, diseased, etc. However it turns out that he will leave for the docks with a quarter of an hour to spare when he gets there.
"You haven't been paying attention to a word I've said, have you, Jack?"
"Carp on a willy-winder, Shippo, I'm hurt. Really. And just remember that for the scandal rags if they ever come asking whether or not I'm a truly sensitive Skeleton or just playing one on stage."
Jack breaks down into a shaking fit of crocodile tears as a pair of seedy looking publicity lackies rushes over to offer him soiled hankies from their breast pockets.
"I'll be there for you Ship <sob>, whether you accept my solemn vow of friendship <sob> or not! Boo-hoo-hoo! <sniff> <honk> Night Gail in an hour? I'll be there, just let me get a press release out...."
"Hey! Megol, you've got even less spells than I do. Want to buy one?"
What? Last billing? That only works like this:
He wears dark green and brown shredded shirts, which in turn look like one single shirt.
First there was Paddy, the Leprechaun who couldn't cobble [a reference to Paddy O'Baddy in Gedanken, who got muscled out of the cobbling business by WalMart --ed.]. Now we've got the Leprechaun who can't mend a shirt. Domestic crafts sure have gone downhill among the Good Folk....
If there's still room, I'm in with Jay, okay?
You're in like flint.
More like Dan than Flint. (Guess the connection!)
...don't expect to buy magic items other than potions.
What kind of potions?
The average adventuresome soul changes weapons a full six times before he finds one he really likes!
Jay is behind by 6 changes.
This story began in... Khazan, which is still in my humble opinion the finest of the cities in all the Dragon Continent, as I'm certain you know...
...it has lots of parking space [another reference to Glarghj'naslk'ncdl'n in Goblin Lake, Part Deux --ed.].
With that, Amroth-Esa walks out of the tavern, not stopping to hear comments, or even the nonexistent pleas to stay.
"Good riddance. Who WAS that?"
Jack thinks frantically to himself: "Blackbeard... Captain Nemo... Captain Hook... Long John Silver... Pegleg Pete... Bluebeard...." All are great pirate names.
And Captain Mooshi Claw (who, coincidentally enough, kept a half-dozen ferrets as pets).
"Jay, I need a translation on that paper I gave you; it tested for magic."
Jay will give Shipy back the paper with the best translation he was able to muster. Ditto for whatever information he was able to glean with the Detect Magic and Omni Eye spells. He'll then ask, "That's it? This is all just a grandiose treasure hunt? If that's it, I'll wish you luck and watch your boat leave the dock, but I'm sure I have more important things to occupy myself with, thanks all the same."
Olvarin is going to try to scrounge up some cash by offering his services to the wounded, poisoned, diseased, etc.
Does this count as trafficking in human misery?
What? Last billing? That only works like this....
Hail, Prince of the Obvious... but don't get your skivvies in an uproar (see below).
Hail, Prince of the Obvious...
I always liked the way Prince of the Void sounded.
...but don't get your skivvies in an uproar (see below).
Where would the skivvies be but below?
What? A fourth-rater? Sigh, being the special guest star was better....
"Hey! Megol, you've got even less spells than I do. Want to buy one?"
Actually, Megol is partially insane and fights more than he casts spells (although he does tend to use TTYF alot, and he does have Omnipotent Eye).
Quickly zips up to the rafters where he hung his bow, and flutters back down to hover 'round Shipy. "An hour to kill, or so you say? Whatever can I do.... OrcBrothers! How'd ya like your rats? Live? Dead? Rotten? I used to keep a 'Rat-On-A-Stick' franchise supplied singlehandedly!"
The average adventuresome soul changes weapons a full six times before he finds one he really likes!
Jay is behind by 6 changes.
Then truly Jay isn't the average guy we thought we had all come to grow away from and disgust?
"Hey! Megol, you've got even less spells than I do. Want to buy one?"
Speaking of which, would Jay like to get some spells from Ocullos?
Actually, Megol is partially insane....
Megol is partially insane? What a coincidence: Ocullos is partially sane.
Megol waddles over to where Shippy [sic] is standing, gives him a sharp tap on the back with his staff and asks him, "When we leave to look for sword? Me want to buy stuff for journey."
Megol... fights more than he casts spells....
With a 7 STR, I'm not surprised.
Then truly Jay isn't the average guy we thought we had all come to grow away from and disgust?
'Fraid not. He's much more caustic, sarcastic, captious, obnoxious, and arrogant. (Guess that'd make him my BFT alter ego....)
"OrcBrothers! How'd ya like your rats? Live? Dead? Rotten?"
Unfortunately, I believe their tastes run more towards sun-dried lizards than towards rats---or perhaps that's just Jax?
Speaking of which, would Jay like to get some spells from Ocullos?
Sure. Protective Pentagram, Dear God, ESP, and Smog are all ones he'd be interested in learning.
"When we leave to look for sword? Me want to buy stuff for journey."
"Obviously it wasn't just Jack who failed to pay any attention.... The boat leaves in one hour."
Unfortunately, I believe their tastes run more towards sun-dried lizards than towards rats---or perhaps that's just Jax?
Quickly never knew an Orc that didn't like rat... but there's a first time for everything.
"Whups! But an hour?" He (quickly) swipes a napkin off one table, gathers the corners together in a bundle, and zips from table to table ("You gonna finish that? Thanks! You gonna finish that? Thanks! You gonna finish that? Whups, sorry... You gonna finish that? Thanks!") until he's got a decent little packet of food slung together.
Then, keeping a sharp eye out for the hot Centaur bouncer, he darts out, up, and makes a beeline to the south docks to find the ship, alternately singing sea chanties and trying to puzzle out what that little piece of paper of Shipy's means.
"There will be plenty of treasure and adventure for everyone."
Jax knows the shifty Hobbit too well to take his words for the full truth: no, there must be something deeper afoot, and that means he'd better go along to ensure Shipy doesn't get in over his head (not too hard). "Count us in, Shipy," he booms while swatting at a pesky rat-sized mosquito, missing and slapping his brother up-side the head instead, and nearly cracking the table with it (in a brotherly way). Treasure and adventure are all well and good, but even better, they might be just what Taran needs to climb out of his funk.
It doesn't yet dawn on Jax that he can't swim.
"Hello Wizard," Jax manages, after finding Jay among the throng of eager adventurers swarming around Shipy like yellow jackets on a shoefly pie. "Take care of your Minotaur/Troll problem? I never heard back from you, dude."
"That's it? This is all just a grandiose treasure hunt? If that's it, I'll wish you luck and watch your boat leave the dock, but I'm sure I have more important things to occupy myself with, thanks all the same."
"Dude, you sure?" he asks Jay. He then adds discreetly, "Shipy may be a poor thief, but this is more than just a treasure hunt, mark my words." Jax grabs his brother by the neck and helps him up from the table. "Besides, Jay, this adventure promises to be Amroth-free," he winks.
Jack breaks down into a shaking fit of crocodile tears as a pair of seedy looking publicity lackies rushes over to offer him soiled hankies from their breast pockets.
On his way to the door with Taran in tow, Jax bumps into a familiar looking stack of bones. "Whoa, hiya Jack! How's it hanging, dude?"
Just then, the mosquito returns:
OrcBrothers! How'd ya like your rats? Live? Dead? Rotten?"
"Er," he stammers quizzically, looking up toward the tinny voice. Then slam! Nothin' but Centaur chest. "Mmmf!"
"Second time's the charm, Messrs. Dracon!" The Centaur bouncer quickly extricates the troublesome Orc and efficiently relocates him and his brother from the Tavern premises. She gives Lucky a thumbs up as she returns to her post. A few barflies cheer her on as, blushing, her affected scowl morphs naturally into a bashful smile.
Taran lifts his head from the street. "What'd she mean, 'Second time...'?"
"Uh, let's pay Brienna a visit, T, and sober you up before we leave," Jax says, swallowing his pride and peeling his brother off the cobblestones.
Megol stumbles over to where the other Leprechaun is standing, smacks him with his staff, and asks him in a inquiring tone, "Where I go to buy healing potions like you have? Me not wanting to be eaten by vultures."
Speaking of which, would Jay like to get some spells from Ocullos?
Sure. Protective Pentagram, Dear God, ESP, and Smog are all ones he'd be interested in learning.
I'll teach 'em to you for 50 gold apiece.
Megol... smacks [Ocullos] with his staff, and asks him in a inquiring tone, "Where I go to buy healing potions like you have? Me not wanting to be eaten by vultures."
"OW! Wha---wha---what did you say? Oh, Winky and I was 'oing to go to Brienna's store over the street to get dem. You know, like chicken crosses street? Anywades, but see the human impassive-looking Mage over there? Go knock him wid your staff, and ask him where to get potions; he may know a better place. I'll participate wid the whacking as Amroth said that guy belongs in prisons. But I'm not quite assured yet. Let's go get some potions, 'cause you know we ain't wanna t'be ate by vultures."
[Ack! The Archivist washes his hands of the Leprechauns' vulgate. --ed.]
Despite the fact that psychologically, emotionally, and intellectually, Taran thinks he is drunk off his chapped, green backside, the sleepy Orc is neither drunk off the swamp water nor has he missed his guard duty shift, having procured a replacement for his most recent turn at guarding the Dracon Warren. The fact that his replacement didn't show doesn't bode well for Taran. But he still feels miserable and drunk all the same. "Bururrrrrrrralllgpghgphph," he says to Jax as his brother lifts him from the Blue Frog Tavern's front porch.
"Brienna?" Taran smiles. He is always happy to visit former adventuring companions. Especially the live ones. Bumping into Jack was fun---but something about the skel really creeps him out. Not that he isn't a friendly reanimated, ambulatory pile of bones of a long dead thespian, but it is the way Taran can see right through him that unnerves the Orc.
Taran is happy to follow his brother to the store. He does not have many coins with him, having had the foresight to leave his fortune at home lest he spend it, but he tells his brother that he will pay him back once they get back to Dracon Central. In fact, he suggests they stop there first so he can grab some cash and the rest of his equipment.
"Rat on a stick?" he suddenly says aloud, having neither the chance nor the mental alacrity to respond to Quickly before the rat-catcher disappears. "Who does he think we are, Jax? Savages?" He shakes his head and drools his way across the street to Brienna's shop, scratching his aforementioned posterior through his loin cloth along the way.
...alternately singing sea chanties....
My favorite sea chanty is New York, New York.
"Let's go get some potions, 'cause you know we ain't wanna t'be ate by vultures."
"Me thanks you for helping me." With that, Megol gives the other Leprechaun an impulsive whack with his stick and hobbles off to the store to buy his potions.
Upon entering the store, Megol catches sight of what appears to be the shopkeeper. He waddles over to her, gives her a swift smack with his staff and asks, "You Brienna? How many potions for, hmm... 25 gold? And it better be some!" he adds, brandishing his staff.
Unfortunately, I believe their tastes run more towards sun-dried lizards than towards rats---or perhaps that's just Jax?
Quickly never knew an Orc that didn't like rat... but there's a first time for everything.
"Rat on a stick? Who does he think we are, Jax? Savages?"
Well, that answers that.
"Hello Wizard. Take care of your Minotaur/Troll problem? I never heard back from you, dude."
"I believe I've been recovering from an evening with the Death Goddess. My apologies for not contacting you. I still have your coin, if you want it back. The problem still exists, as it has the last few years. I think I'll be heading up to rectify that now."
"Shipy may be a poor thief, but this is more than just a treasure hunt, mark my words."
Jay considers this. The Orc clearly knows the Hobbit a lot better than Jay does, and he did prove himself eminently sensible in a short period of time during the last excursion. And his decision to cast his lot with the others when he could have had a walk-out bye is something to be respected....
Sigh....
Depressed at putting off his quest yet again, Jay will nonetheless be on the ship for this undertaking.
"Besides, Jay, this adventure promises to be Amroth-free,"
In a voice thick with contempt, Jay says, "Just as long as it's Krandor-free."
A second later, he adds, quizzically, "Amroth who?"
Speaking of which, would Jay like to get some spells from Ocullos?
Sure. Protective Pentagram, Dear God, ESP, and Smog are all ones he'd be interested in learning.
I'll teach 'em to you for 50 gold apiece.
Jay hasn't got 200 gold, so he'll just go with the Protective Pentagram spell for 50gp.
Khara, I'm presuming this is okay, and that we have the time to make the exchange, so I'm marking this down on my sheet. If this isn't possible, please let us know.
"Let's go get some potions, 'cause you know we ain't wanna t'be ate by vultures."
This must be Leprechaun patois.
[Megol] waddles over to her, gives her a swift smack with his staff and asks, "You Brienna? How many potions for, hmm... 25 gold? And it better be some!" he adds, brandishing his staff.
Megol's going to need those potions when Brienna breaks his legs. She isn't exactly the most jovial of personalities.
Ebony stands still, leaning on the bar, watching the others disperse to complete their preparations before the appointed time. Her sixth sense has led her here, and it is rarely mistaken, so she was quite ready beforehand, having stocked up on some traditional (and some not so traditional) supplies.
"So---Shipy, was it? How did you happen upon this quest of yours?"
Ocullos goes over to Brienna's store and approches her with the same question megol asked (without the Staff of the Whammy 'bap', and I've got 35 gold to spend).
"Ello' Brienna! I be wanting to buys healer potions wid my turdy-five gold. Amroth said you waz a good fighter. I believe so. Pease don't be attacking me fried leprechaun."
I was waiting for Jay to try and bargain for those spells, as I was sure he would have tried, but oh well.
[Ebony] was quite ready beforehand, having stocked up on some traditional (and some not so traditional) supplies.
Jay has thus far cleverly handled the supply problem by remaining too poor to purchase new supplies.
(... I've got 35 gold to spend).
It should be 85 gold if khara let Jay purchase the spell.
I was waiting for Jay to try and bargain for those spells, as I was sure he would have tried, but oh well.
Why would Jay have bargained? Ocullos offered him an exceedingly generous deal. If the Leprechaun will settle for less, Jay will also pay 43gp, 5sp, and a 30' rope for a second spell, preferably Dear God.
It should be 85 gold if khara let Jay purchase the spell.
Well, maybe I don't wanna spend that much!
Jay will also pay 43gp, 5sp, and a 30' rope for a second spell, preferably Dear God.
I'll just teach you them all, for free. I don't care. I'm sure we won't come out of this adventure empty-handed. Plus, I have gold at the end of my rainbow. You just owe me some help if I ever need it.
I'll just teach you them all, for free. I don't care.
Very generous of you.
I'm sure we won't come out of this adventure empty-handed.
And the hobbbit [sic] promised to split it all evenly.
You just owe me some help if I ever need it.
Forget it. That's too high a price to commit to. While I don't have any reason not to help you if needed, who can say what the future holds?
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