Friends is ending. Mercifully.

I'd give thanks to Jesus, but I blame Christ for letting it suck airtime from other equally unfunny sitcoms for too goddamn long.

A friend of mine went to make a Friends reference in public today (thankfully, I was the only one who heard this embarrassment). Then, remembering whom (thanks Grammer check!) he was talking to said, "never mind, you don't watch the show you wouldn't get it."

No no. I do get it. It's so obvious that the fucking dog gets it:

Phoebe is retarded and weird,

Chandler is sarcastic/gay,

Joey is Italian,

Jennifer Aniston (I know, I know, "Rachel) is hot,

Courtney Cox isn't. However she is the sister of

Ross, who's life is a constant plaguing misery of waking up each morning knowing that the Pall Bearer was the greatest gift he will ever give the world. And then the realization that Adolph fucking Hitler gave us more to love about him, starts to sink in.

Then he sits naked in his kitchen looking at a loaded revolver and a bowl of cereal for the next hour, pondering what kind of a day it is. Ultimately, he starts shoveling Cheerios into his mouth while choking back tears and prepares for "just one more day."
God, "Guy who Plays Ross"… your life sucks.

Pretty deep eh?

Actually I wish they remained this shallow. Why? Because it's a FUCKING COMEDY SHOW! There shouldn't be any further character depth! They should be one-dimensional character stereotypes placed in strange and unusual situations.

I shouldn't wonder if Chandler may be gay, or if Ross and Rachel will finally get together. There should be roughly 23 minutes of attempted COMEDY!

"But Scott, you always complain that there's no depth or entertainment in the media today. Shouldn't it make you happy to see more elaborate plots?"

Oh and while we are here, let's not confuse "TV Relationship Drama" as depth, ok?

If there are a bunch of characters of opposite sex, dumb people want to see them screw. Don't be shocked or amused when it happens. Bang. Handled!

Dramedy is a stupid concept. When I watch something that's supposed to be "laugh out loud funny", I'd better be laughing. There should never EVER be moments where I feel worry, sorrow, or actual care about the lives of these fictional characters. Keep your shit drama to your dumb ass OC and One Tree Hills.

Leave only the boring, unoriginal, cliché humor. You won't be good, but at least your show will be instantly recognizable as a sitcom. Which is far better than the "raped and murdered Muppet thing" that Friends and the like have become.

Clarification: This means of funny, yet ultimately unsatisfying, because you turned the bleeding carcass over to find out that it was, Gonzo, "the funny Muppet who looks like a penis," and not Skeeter, the "Muppet without purpose that I would rape and kill for amusement."

Here's my version of the final episode.

Though, one positive for Friends. At least it has a script and doesn't include anything about voting people off of shit. That is all. Damn I miss Seinfeld.

-Scott