=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Canonical List of Famous Last Words (Roleplaying : Fantasy and SF) Hundreds of brave characters lost their lives during thousands of roleplaying sessions leaving us their last words. We'll never forget them. Rest In Peace. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= FAMOUS LAST WORDS 1706 items last change: 07-27-00 collected by Oliver Rosenkranz (rossi@cs.tu-berlin.de or o.rosenkranz@estensis.de) Thanx to the following persons and groups... Jens Fiedler Keith C. McCormic UKC Adventure Gaming Society Travis McCord Jim Vassilakos Dirk Heche Greg Schmidt Per Beremark - TeleLOGIC Malmoe AB Thomas Mueller Christopher Francis Anderson Michael Heggen Brendan Dwyer Mikkel Vous Kristiansen champomm@ensibull.imag.fr Richie Saunders Net Ranger Mad Chris Michael Schwuchow Jani Lahti Mark Manning Sami Merila Samuel Fischer Cyrus (flindholm@mta.ca) Glen Barnett Jeremy L. Hart Klaus Breuer Pete ...(20059.2b1c1642@ul.ie) Markus Puetz Tom Da Mao Arnd Gehrmann Marko Pirneskoski Roman Schwartz Patrick Chester Achim Kramme Joshua A. Laff David Cinabro Dan Peterik Mark Engel Jarmo H Parkkinen Eyal Teler Fabio Fontana Gunnar Horrigmo Christopher Lee Cavender Tony Pace Shawn MacKinnon Marc A. Volovic Ben Calvert Hans-Juergen Wackwitz Joerg Fuchs Thilo Kuchenbrod Thomas Holzwarth David Geiser Carsten Wimmer Werner Menne Manfred Lemke Michael Taube Arnim Rupp Bernhard Burger Peter Gut... Phil Edwards Sonja Kowalewski Guinny {mgo@ukc.ac.uk} Uwe Willie Daniel J. Fawcett Jean Carrieres Daniel Pawtowski Sven Venema Ceredwyn Bensley Kent Harris Jeff Suzuki Marcus Misicka Mike Adams Sly (mtlindem@midway.uchicago.edu) John Yeates Geoff Cohen Mark Norman Yee Ping Yi Ruediger Schmidt Volkmar H.G. Mai Brian Paquet Keith Morris Viola Krings s924127@yallara.cs.rmit.oz.au Thomas Lange Karsten Sethre James Joseph Dominguez Mitchell Jon Polley Jean-Marc Libs Mark Whitely Christopher Gary McArthur Frank T Sronce Glenn Murdoch Grendel-Khan Joakim Rastberg Jon Patrick Ghost Wheel {don't know his real name} Tim Gill Sukhwant Atwal Nushae Siobhan Fahey Norman Brose David Mar Michelle Carter Paul R. Rainey Michael Niedecken Nathan Sherman Sascha Pabst Trevor Paquette Ed Zeamba Charles Anthony Leone Aaron Sher Jim Cheetham Patrick Palmer David Cooke JP Zagal E.A. Drawneek Kevin J. Chase Simon Becherer Dan Doherty Sky Kruse Hans Granqvist Lars Olofsson Utku Somer Bingo (don't know real name) Henri Hein Michael Peceny Jack Dracula Mathew Earle Reuther Michael Fassbender Ari Wilkenfeld Kirt Wackford John Kearney Stuart Barber buckingham_j@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz(no name)Nils Anders Erik Frohne Jan Frederiksen Dave Thomas Fitz Philip Zembrod ... (STYNER@MLML.CALSTATE.EDU) Demond Bill Langston Rick Hughes James Quirk Rainer Klier Alexandra Knepper Eccles Anthony Ragan Neal Sofge Rollin Baker Mike Horrill Debbie Hodges Egil Geir Brautaset Daniel Pawtowski Andrew Cullum ... (kory.kaese@asb.com) Andrew Rilstone Cassius Di Cianni Stefan U. Haenssgen Sylvia Rudy Brandon Simmons William Wilson Dan Howell Russell Dickerson Thorsten Scholz Matt Kelland Mike Cokus Christopher Fluit Mike Janney Bill Tricomi Mads Storm Andersen Germano Caronni Sven Rudloff Philip Molloy Jason A. Cormier Mark Hughes Craig Pearlman Paul Goodwin Bjorn Seitz Paolo Marcucci Olaf Kummer Christophe Dupre Alesia Chamness Mike Bekman Robert Donald Pratt Frank Motzkus Leif Roar Moldskred Jeff Boes Nicholas Lawrence Arne Brombach David J. Hutton Jan Dethlefs Timothy J. Miller Jordan Peacock Mark ...(saintmark@aol.com) Engebret Tangnes Harald Meland Galen Silversmith Truls Parsson Willian Wes Johnson Niels Ull Jacobsen ... (solar@HRZ.Uni-Bielefeld.DE) A.J. Moglia Marie E. Antoon Franz Indra David Lindelof Bryan Alexander Alan Terlep Walter Baety Steven Dodge Sixten F.K. Otto Michal Szokolo PsyDragon@aol.com Aaron W. Newman Tim Brown ... (PsyDragon@aol.com) Mirko Thoele Gerrit Thompson Peter Lawrey Dirk Lang Joshua...(joshua@ppabs.amnet.sub.org) Niko Radke Leejay Wu Bernhard Jakob Seybold Rob Del Greco Manfred Strauss Jedi Sheridan Max Pritchard Marc Deichmann Peter Gerken Quijada Henares Luis Miguel Jim Daily Thorsten Kreich ... (01kahoff@bsuvc.bsu.edu) Craig D. Hauss Thomas Lokum Anders Martin Labich Nielsen Joshua Luskin Joseph Hocking Jens Steinhoff Chris Richards Charles Chapman II Daniel Hiller Donald Dittmar G.M. Littmann ... (M13MARTIN@aol.com) Jason Goldman ... (sylvainr@worldnet.fr) ... (jester@gim.net) ... (cspack@dialnet.net) Marc Erl Mark Driscoll Michael Burnand Cameron Hill Chris & Brian Roys Adam Kingsford Dennis Stirnberg Jeff Woodruff Sarel ... (vampire@hotmail.com) James A. Ford Ben Erdin Marcin Mielecki Chuck Polk Omichron TokeC (tokec@aol.com) Ryan Greene Magnus Wagner Mark Halsall Justin Vegg Jorge Arredondo Ivar Nilsen Yasu Ikehara Aaron Downs Malcolm (dennis@centex.net) Chris Kilgour Rolf Roenning Ulrich Weber Markus Linneweber Thorsten Mueller Uwe Jost ...(aramis@magicnet.net) Sam Patton Sean Hickey Dennis Starker John Woodworth Mark Paterson Bryan Grubbs Jesse Miller Andreas Zimmer Jan Reif Ulrich Schreitmueller Miljenko Jazvac ... (Pteryx@ime.net) Vincent Rosolen Aliabastre (bucaillo@esiee-amiens.fr) Alon Lischinsky Ming Eng Brian Zadler Andreas Jaeger Nathan Barber Brett Aspel Stefan Meyer Guillaume Dargaud ... (Dawngod@the-kindred.demon.co.uk) Aaron Murphy Anson Betts Janik Zikovsky Julie (julieg@ibm.net) Rainer Fedra Jan Prior Lesley Madigan Marcial Santelices Arnd Schmilgeid Peter Goulborn Scott J. Yingling James Sessions Daniele Cerfeda Matthew M. David Robert Schimmel Christian Selvin Bob (djohnson@atlas.socsci.umn.edu) Donna Johansen Anthony Mauriks Stefan Ohlerich David Ryon Christina Waldeck Torsten Logemann Jason Rogers Robert Clark Vaevictis Asmadi Meikoa (Meikoa@aol.com) Charlie Crawford Alex Ying Martin Binder Joseph Fatula Fernando Moreiras John Lake Dean ... (kours@broadwayinc.com) Andy Horton Kirk Swanson Christian Madsen Henrik Ertzeid Craig Helfgott Greg Ellis Piotr Lapinski Ronald Holtzhause Fabian Meyer ... (t285@academic.truman.edu) Anson Moss ... (Rikonian@aol.com) Stefan Cadra Warren Hately Brannon Boren Gergely Szelei Carsten Driemel Sebastian Lonski Marcin Segit Dee Wolfson Scott Holland Alex Bach Christopher Hobson Dustin Fehr ... (mrfun_the_weird@yahoo.com) ... (PWanless@aol.com) Rick van Nooij Tom Wilkinson Pasi-Pekka Peisa Stefan Theissen Brian Payne Daniel Noguero Garcia ... (pomnutbag@bigpond.com) Martin Rynoson Edward Chusid ... (Firseal@aol.com) ... (p_v@excite.com) Frank Petzold ... (DWCReppo@aol.com) David Seitz Rolph Segers Celane ... (celanea@rtci.net) Nenad Jaksic Wendy Misuinas Nicole Hoye Josh Sandomirsky ... (vader@cac.net) Alejandro Dominguez Chris Vosters Cedric Perdereau Vincenzo Beretta ... (darkwarrior@statusbar.com) ... (moamail@hotmail.com) ... (rosymar@ak.planet.gen.nz) ... (silmacar@pcteor1.mi.infn.it) ... (Pygeonhawke@aol.com) Sean Kenny Tim Paschall Lars Neuendorf Steve Ratcovich Pierre Gavard-Colenny Guillaume Bozon Pete (W. Bertrand) Pete Thompson ... (koeppchenb@ruhr-it.de) Craig Crowe =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-(please don't remove the Authors' names)=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= This 'Canonical List of Famous Last Words' is moderated by Oliver Rosenkranz (rossi@cs.tu-berlin.de or o.rosenkranz@estensis.de). Please send your requests, questions, corrections & NEW famous last words to him via e-mail. Everybody who sends NEW famous last words (roleplay ONLY) will find his/her name being added to the List of Authors (see above). NOTE: If you send FLWs to me via email, please do it in English (or in German - it will be translated before appearing on the list). If you want to translate this list to other languages, then please look at http://www.wfrp.de/hosted/flw/ first, if such a translation already exists and then get in contact with me. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= You can NOW always get the newest version of this list if you have WWW access (see below) or by sending an email request to an email server at my site (see next paragraph). For WWW access, the URL to browse to is: http://www.wfrp.de/hosted/flw/ (Homepage) http://www.wfrp.de/hosted/flw/flws.txt (this text file) Please read the relevant FAQs in the relevant newsgroups if you don't know what WWW is or how you gain access to it. Or ask your local system administrator/ WWW guru / whatever expert you can find, you'll save my time, thank you ! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= How to get the FLW list automatically via email? In order to receive a new version of the FLW list, please send email to rossi@cs.tu-berlin.de ! Important: Please write "FLW: request" as the SUBJECT line of your email. This is essential because the mail will be processed by an automatic mail server !!! Write this to the mail body : help - to receive the HELP file index - to receive the index of what kind of files may be ordered send FLW - to receive this list Please do NOT include new famous last words in these emails because they will be automatically go to /dev/null after being processed. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 0001-"Let's go in." 0002-"Let's not go in." 0003-"I follow them." 0004-"I stab the dragon and tell it to get off me." 0005-"I drink the bottle marked POISON on the off-chance that it's the extra-healing potion." 0006-"I kill it." 0007-"Let me handle this." 0008-"Whaddya mean, a pentagram only has FIVE sides?" 0009-"What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again..." 0010-"Click?? ...This doesn't come with ammo?" 0011-"Why is your torch flame turning blue?" 0012-"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" 0013-"Trust me." 0014-"I never get lost." 0015-(A corridor ahead is full of brown mold) "I cast Fireball down the hall, then send my fire elemental to investigate." 0016-"Dammit, this thing won't die!" 0017-a)"I bet without Mjolnir you're a real wuss." b)"He looks like a wuss to me." 0018-"He hit me for HOW MUCH?????" 0019-"They're only kobolds!" 0020-"Hey, this chest just bit me!" 0021-"I try to move silently in plate armor..." 0022-"I didn't find any traps !!" 0023-"Wonder what this button does ?" 0024-"Don't worry, he is probably just first level." 0025-"This 250' wall has so many holes, it should be easy to climb." 0026-"I'll just close my eyes and walk up to the dracolisk holding up my mirror" 0027-"Can I eat this green slime?" 0028-"I'll just walk up to the dragon invisibly" 0029-"Why is this man speaking in sign language?" 0030-"This type of undead can't drain levels" 0031-"I'll open the door, sneak up on him from behind and backstab him!" 0032-"We are in luck! The dragon is sleeping" 0033-"That's only a statue" 0034-"There is no trap on the door, so let's open it" 0035-"Look, behind you!!!" Said by a gnome(pc) to an ogre as a disliked parttymember crept up. End of the other member. 0036-"I have this dungeon at home, I know where everything is!" 0037-"Don't worry, the DM won't hose me" 0038-"We'll untie the prisoners and lock them in the closet." 0039-"Why can't we take Clarissa (Disguised evil high priestess) with us?" 0040-"How much will you give me for this idol I found (cursed)?" 0041-"I'm not powerful enough, can't you just give me second level." 0042-"Don't I get the faerie fire bonus on my parry." 0043-Star Wars:"Stormtroopers can't hit a Wampa at this dist..." 0044-Traveller:"Who took the battery out of my grav belt?" 0045-"They're wearing blue robes? They must be Druids. Roll for initiative, suckers." (At which point the polymorphed Bone Devils ate him.) 0046-"I see HOW MANY wights?!" (from the crypts of Ravenloft) 0047-"Don't worry, wyvern don't attack unless they're provoked." 0048-"You watch the door, I'll take out the Gas Spore (Beholder) that's guarding the treasure." 0049-"A Nightmare, huh? I'll attack for one round and prepare to run." 0050-"I'll take off my armor so I'm silent and slip past the dragon." 0051-"They need a twenty to hit me, I'm invincible" 0052-"Don't worry sir, we can handle it." 0053-"You jump down and distract him, and I'll shoot him." 0054-NPC: "Lets drop our weapons and talk." PC : "Okay!" 0055-"We killed all monsters on this level." 0056-"I've been here before. There are no traps in this section." 0057-"What do you mean 18 meter long crocodile--you just said crocodile." 0058-"Well ...., I'll touch it again" 0059-"I attempt to disbelieve." 0060-"I cast a fireball" (into a 10'x10'x10' room) 0061-"I know if I draw a card I'll get the VOID." 0062-GM:"You're very lucky, you all don't know how lucky you are! Save or take 210 points of damage" 0063-GM:"You don't get your +5 for being a dwarf, because it's special bodak power" 0064-" It's OK, I trust her..." ... *BOOM!!!!!!* 0065-"Stand back you wimps. I'll kill it." 0066-"Oops." 0067-"OK! I moon the Balrog!" 0068-"My first arrow MISSED the magic-user pointing at me?? OK, I shoot again!" 0069-"Where'd that thief go now?" 0070-"Trap? What trap?" 0071-"So what?" 0072-"Don't be silly. If this was really the ship's "Self-Destruct Button", do you think they'd leave it lying around where anyone could press it?" 0073-"Hmmm...the sign on the door says, "AIRLOCK". I wonder what's inside." 0074-"You're all a bunch of wimps!! I'll prove to you myself that an entire orc stronghold is no match for your average barbarian." 0075-"All right, we're in an unexplored dungeon in total darkness with no light sources or infravision...Hey, I know!! Let's yell and scream a lot so we can locate each other by sound!!" 0076-"I'm going to kill our captives anyway, and I don't give a damn whether the other goody-good PC's like it or not." 0077-"Y'know, since our druid's been so obnoxious, it would probably serve him right if we set his precious forest on fire." 0078-"A clever bluff, Agent N42, but not clever enough. You see, right away I recognized your `pistol' as a cleverly disguised cigarette lighter." 0079-"A creature with two BABOON heads on a scaly REPTILIAN body? With TENTACLES for arms? Hunh. Must be some stupid wizard's magical construct. Let's kill it." 0080-"Yes, it's true I humiliated the DM in front of the debating team Wednesday, but he's much too broad-minded to take it out on my character." 0081-"OK, O Mighty Odin, as long as you're not gonna answer my prayers, I'm gonna tell ya what I REALLY think of ya!" 0082-"I drop trough and expose myself to the arch-mage as a gesture of contempt." 0083-"Well, guys, I'm sorry my activities in the last town got us all tarred and feathered, but you're not going to hold that against me, are you?" 0084-"No, I'm sure there's some stipulation that says a disintegrate spell won't work if the spellcaster casts it on himself. Here, I'll prove it." 0085-"Oops, I spilled flaming oil on my beard. I'd better wash it off after we kill this fire lizard." 0086-"Well, we know he's LAWFUL evil, so he should keep his word when he promised not to betray us." 0087-"So I'm safely across the pit? Whew! For a minute there I was worried that you might remember my encumbrance penalties." 0088-"Well, as long as I've stumbled into Princess Savitra's bedroom, I might as well try to seduce her." 0089-"Thank God!! A hobgoblin camp up ahead! Maybe they can help heal our wounded!" 0090-"Don't worry! The chances of me blowing a climb walls roll twice, at my level, are infinitesimal." 0091-"All right, I jump...Now on the way down, I activate my ring of feather fall...no, wait, didn't I lend it to Jim?" 0092-"So you're Tiamat, huh? Are you evil? Yes? Would you like to convert?" 0093-"I cast a `gate' spell and gate in the Iraqi Air Force." 0094-"Well, *I* trust our party thief, and if he says this door isn't trapped, that's good enough for me." 0095-"Well, I didn't much like this character, anyway...Here goes nothing..." 0096-"I swing the Toxic Avenger's mop at the grenade so I can bat it across the room at the aliens...Wait! Isn't that grenade Contact Fused ???" 0097-"All right, I guess Toronaga's right. There can't possibly be anything on the other side of this airlock. Why not open the damned thing." 0098-"Whistling sounds? Naw, they can't have a grenade launcher!" 0099-"Okay, there's nothing guarding the bridge. I go through the door and find the helm." 0100-"They can't possibly outflank us. We have a multi-scanner!" 0101-"Come on! Arrows versus Kevlar?" 0102-"What do you mean Tsu Han's pilotting the shuttle? Does he even have Insystem Pilot? WHY ARE YOU SMILING AND SHAKING YOUR HEAD?" 0103-"So that giant fell into the pit? I'll jump over it and get his treasure." 0104-"Oh, that sorceress looked a little pale when she examined the mirror which has the pentagram in front of it on the floor. I think I'll break the mirror." 0105-"It's not trapped, you just want it to yourself."{He still got it for himself.} 0106-"Me first Me first." 0107-"Dinosaur? Hey, no problem, right Balinor?" 0108-"You call yourself a barbarian, you son of a witch ?" 0109-To powerful demon: "Try me sh*t breath!" 0110-To sleeping dragon: "Oops, sorry...didn't mean to disturb you." 0111-"Come on, we haven't found any so far." 0112-Ranger: "What do I see?" DM:"Do you remember the trap that killed Indy's guide in Raiders of the Lost Ark?" 0113-"Diamonds ... Gold... Saphires !!! Terry! Terry, we're rich, we're rich, we're fabulously wealthy !!!! ...Terry ..... Terry ??" 0114-"Let's walk this way." 0115-"Hey folks, follow me, I remember the way to the dungeon exit." 0116-"I never get to have any fun!" 0117-"You mean they get to use the critical hit chart too?" 0118-"Hey, I know a dragon when I see one." 0119-"What do you mean the whole room we're in detects as a trap?" 0120-"Hey you! Frost Giant! How's the weather up there?" 0121-"Just watch, I bet I get the one item that's cursed." 0122-"What does it mean when you botch an initiative roll?" 0123-"Don't worry. I know what I'm doing!" 0124-"Stop!" 0125-"A sign labeled `pit'? I walk up to it." 0126-"No problem. That's easy!" 0127-"Hey, I found it. I'm keeping it." 0128-"I think we'll have to reason with him." 0129-"Hah! I'm not dead yet. I still have five hit points." 0130-"Oh, no. We're being rescued. How embarrassing!" 0131-"Yeah, I know it's dangerous, but think of the experience points." 0132-"I stand right underneath the Fire Giant and point my wand straight up." 0133-"Don't worry. I've got a plan." 0134-"They can't see me. I'm invisible!" 0135-"I wonder what's in here?" 0136-"He wouldn't try that trick again!" 0137-"My two mutations? ...But I've only one!" 0138-"Just because you're a dragon doesn't mean you can push ME around." 0139-"They don't look so tough." 0140-"I'm SURE there are no traps." 0141-GM: "FIVE...FOUR...THREE...TWO..." PC: "I look for the light switch." 0142-"What do you mean trolls regenerate!?!" 0143-"Here kitty, kitty, kitty..." 0144-"I'll open it." 0145-"It seems easy enough" 0146-"I think he can be trusted." 0147-"Those noises are probably nothing." 0148-"I'll pull the lever." 0149-"Money!" 0150-"Magic is for wimps." 0151-"Oh. He'll miss. Just look at my AC." 0152-"Oh no! Let's go help them!" 0153-"Run away!" 0154-"I want to kill something." 0155-"All clear, guys." 0156-"Gummy werebears? They should be cake to kill once they turn human." 0157-"Wait a minute, didn't the old man say something about a curse?" 0158-"Hey, where'd all the big spiders come from?" 0159-"Okay, Ed, your underwear explodes!" 0160-"Bob, you have any grenades left? Throw me one..." 0161-"AGAIN!?!?!" 0162-"He shot out my eye? Okay, I tear out my other eye and throw it at him as a gesture of defiance." 0163-"I pull the metal ring out of the sphere."(Recognize a Holy Hand Grenade?) 0164-"This is a push-over dungeon." 0165-a)"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." b)"I told him it was a bad idea." 0166-"I'll use my taunt skill." 0167-"Your mother was a Gully Dwarf." 0168-"My God will protect me." 0169-"You wouldn't dare!" 0170-"Hey, we're out! We're safe!" 0171-"I'll try it on." 0172-"C'mon! We're a team!" 0173-"You don't look like a mage!" 0174-"It'd be stupid to trap this!" 0175-"I'll kick the door in!" 0176-"It could be dangerous!" 0177-"Here, hold this rope while I go down." 0178-a)"I thought you brought the food!" b)"I thought you brought the antidote!" 0179-"Well, if you didn't belch, who did?" 0180-"Isn't there anything exciting in this dungeon?" (said to GM) 0181-"Uh guys? Hello? Anyone?" 0182-"Dragons give you a lot of Exp." 0183-"I know an illusion when I see one." 0184-"Who's the bitch with the spiders?" (ahhh! the infamous Lloth) 0185-"I sit on the pale lady with the funny teeth." (Ahhh! the infamous vampire) 0186-"Mysterious shadows in the room? I'm not scared --- you can't spook me!" 0187-"There's a smell of gas, huh? Well, my lantern is hooded. It ought to be safe." 0188-"Take off my armor and try to swim? Forget it --- I worked hard to get this +3 plate mail. Besides, the DM never lets anyone die --- he wouldn't let me drown, would he?" 0189-"I cast a lightning bolt at the ochre jelly." 0190-"Lightning bolts don't ricochet off stone walls, do they?" 0191-"A ballista? What's that? How many dice of damage does it do?" {Twenty.It's like a crossbow, only MUCH larger.} 0192-"So what if he calls the guard? A backwater town like this can't have a very big militia." 0193-"Only six inches long? Ha... Wait, you don't mean six _scale_ inches, do you?" {said in miniature-figures-game. Character itself was 3/4" high.} 0194-"...and then I... Uh, guys? Why are looking at me like that? Guys?" {After using a spell called "Polymorph Other" } 0195-"What do you mean, `It doesn't work' ?" {Item with no more charges left.} 0196-"Oh these, I've fought them before..." 0197-"Then I'll hit him back!" {spoken at the start of a bar brawl.} 0198-"I'm bored..." 0199-"Quick! What did that scroll say ?" 0200-"How did he dissappear like that ?" {About a hostile warrior with a ring of invisibility and two attacks per round.} 0201-"I'll try to pick his pockets." {Pockets belonged to a level 30 mage.} 0202-"Maybe we should just kill him." 0203-"Read it to me." {It was a fireball scroll.} 0204-"You mean there's more ?" {About undeads which entered the room} 0205-"MAGIC ITEMS!" 0206-"He looks like a sunburnt elf? Huh." 0207-"I'll light a fire." (In the woods at night (attracted bears)} 0208-"You'd have to be a GOD to smile after that hit!" 0209-GM:"You DID take the swimming skill?" (to a player when character fell overboard.) 0210-"I'll stand guard." (Didn't want to enter orc cave.Orcs were out. Orcs came back.) 0211-"What do you mean I hear water?" {in a tunnel} 0212-"I bar the door!" {Door opened inward.} 0213-"I'll cover you!" 0214-"Take out a Beholder's eyes, and Bingo!" 0215-"I can't possibly miss..." 0216-"Don't worry, I can hit him! I can hit him!" 0217-"Shut up, bird!" {to a parrot who happened to be repeating the True Name of a demon which subsequently exterminated the party} 0218-"But he has to be our friend!" 0219-"How would you like to have this sword?" 0220-NPC:"Take this ring as a token of my esteem." {This party no longer accepts gifts from unknown NPC's.} 0221-PLAYER:"BEGONE THINGS OF EVIL!!!" REPLY:"Begone thing of good." 0222-"I go through the door... Wait, I check for traps!" 0223-"Don't be silly. That kind of monster NEVER follows you." 0224-"I run up to the monster, throw my magic net over it, and try to take the jewel from around its neck." {But nets don't stop creatures from biting.} 0225-"Hmmm... odd-colored walls. Well, I touch one." {turned to stone} 0226-"I wonder what the black-and-yellow striped ring above the seat does?" { Ejection Seat. No atmosphere and no vacc-suit.} 0227-"What do you mean, vacc-suit proficiency? I thought it was perfectly straightforward, like wearing clothes..." [From a character attempting to fight hand-to-hand in one.] 0228-"But the directions SAID to `pull pin and throw' !" [From a beautifully role-played traveller character from a non- technological world. He was given a scout ship survival pack, which among other gimcracks, contained concussion grenades. When he got in trouble, of course, he pulled the pin out of one and threw it ("it" being the pin, naturally)...] 0229-"Uh, what does 'explosive decompression' mean?" 0230-"Why the hell do you always put `Graf' before your name? Is that this backward planet's equivalent of `Duke' or something?" 0231-"Don't worry - I have Pilot-7." 0232-"What do you mean `energy weapons are illegal' ?" 0233-"DO NOT OPEN" 0234-"Easy kill." 0235-"I've got you now!" 0236-"Is this one really able to breath fire?" 0237-"Trust me. I know what I'm doing" 0238-"I open the door and see who it is." {in response to a knock on the door} 0239-"I jump off the roof - He won't get my last HP then." 0240-"Oh cute! Look at the fuzzy little cubs!" 0241-"Your armor is too noisy. Wait here and I'll scout ahead." 0242-"I explain to the ogre that it was an honest mistake." 0243-"Oh, he puts those in all of his dungeons. It's a gas spore." 0244-"Hubba hubba! The nymph's taking off her clothes!" 0245-"Whoever did this must be long gone by now." 0246-"Easy, boy. What's this stupid horse's problem?" 0247-"You mean ... this ... is the last ... torch?" 0248-"Oh don't worry. The poisonous ones have orange stripes." 0249-"I really didn't know it was against the law." 0250-"You racist! They're elves. So what if they're black?" 0251-"This flickering torch light is playing tricks on my eyes. It almost seemed as though that chest moved by itself." 0252-"Demogorgon." 0253-"What's the duration of this Fly spell?" 0254-"I don't understand. It should be dead by now." 0255-"Finally! I thought that troll would never die." 0256-"If we look brave and fearless, they won't attack." 0257-"I'de feel better if we had some crampons. Oh, what the hell, let's go for it." 0258-"I wouldn't worry about the thieves' guild -- they don't have a clue who did it." 0259-"Aha! So you're the [killer/spy/vampire]!" 0260-"It doesn't look very fast; we can easily swim across." 0261-"While they're fighting the dragon, I sneak around behind him and examine his hoard." 0262-"I wish we had a 10 foot pole. Oh well." 0263-"Ha ha ha! Let's put bookworms in his spell research library." 0264-"I rolled a 20. How could that be a miss?" 0265-"I've got plenty of spells; I don't need to carry a weapon." 0266-"I'm heir to the crown. They wouldn't dare!" 0267-"Don't you understand? The odds will be even. If we can't see them, they can't see us." 0268-"Who's bringing up the rear?" 0269-"It's only one wight. The others are just ghouls." 0270-"But [longbows/match locks/nuclear weapons] haven't been invented yet..." 0271-"Look, I don't care what you think of her, or her "demonic smile." She's hot to trot. So, if you'll excuse us..." 0272-"I've got better things to do than run your petty errands, your highness." 0273-"What?! I thought you said fifTEEN kobolds." 0274-"It'll be a short ocean voyage. One week's worth of food and water will be enough." 0275-"I won't fall in; I just want a better look at what's down there." 0276-"Ochre jelly? Ok, everyone, break out the bread and the peanut butter." 0277-"Quit clowning around. Look, whichever one of you is doing that, it's not funny." 0278-"Hey! Where's my components?" 0279-"For some reason I had always imagined that bugbears were somewhat smaller." 0280-"A trap? That's exactly what we're supposed to expect. I think this DM is more imaginative than that." 0281-"After what we took, he won't be able to afford an assassin." 0282-"They're usually not aggressive. If we leave it alone, it'll leave us alone." 0283-"Wanna see my new spell?" 0284-"Something's wrong with my d20." 0285-"That was no healing potion! I'm gonna kill that swindler!" 0286-"Ha! That's the oldest trick in the book." 0287-"Hey, Bill, cast a Detect Invisibility, quick. Bill. Bill? Where's Bill?" 0288-"Cover me." 0289-"I think it's asleep." 0290-"Look at the size of those tracks!" 0291-"Can you make out this next rune? It looks like someone spilled coffee on this scroll." 0292-"..23..24..Well, that's the last of his arrows." 0293-"Watch this." 0294-"Well, if I remember correctly, it's AC 7, 3+1 HD, 1d8 damage. Hmm..." "I should defeat him around the 4th round and still have about 12.5 hit points left. Ok, let's rock!" 0295-"No problem! I'll just cast a ... whoops, I forgot. I'm just 2nd level, aren't I?" 0296-"Did you see that guy's head? I wonder what did this." 0297-"Damned be him who first cries, 'Hold, enough!'" 0298-"If you cut me down, I will only become more powerful." 0299-"Zoinks! I sure hope that's just Scooby behind me." 0300-"I ain't afraid of no ghost." 0301-"Geez, I'm kind of low on funds. Ok, I'll take 500 gp for the healing potion." 0302-"I bet it's just an illusion." 0303-"Well, at least I tried...?" 0304-"It's only an illusionary red dragon!" 0305-"I'll attempt to patch it up." {...finding a hole in the cargo bay of the orbital shuttle} 0306-"I'll cut the red wire." 0307-"Hey, I'll try to hide in shadows." {Room full of Shadows(kind of monster in AD&D)} 0308-a)"I cast a powerball." {inside an elevator} b)"I shoot him with my laser." {inside a crowded elevator} 0309-"I cast a hellblast." {at a gas station} 0310-"Let's blow open the airlock." 0311-"I jump from our car into theirs." 0312-"YOU are the UGLIEST guy I've ever seen." {to an 8 foot tall troll} 0313-"What do you mean 'the bullets are just bouncing off'!" 0314-"O.K. pal, take your best shot." 0315-"Let's rush them." 0316-"There's no way they'll ever find us." 0317-"What could possibly go wrong?" 0318-"Him? What is HE doing here? I thought we killed him!" 0319-"I throw a grenade at them." {in the middle of a weapons storhouse} 0320-"Guys, I'm out of ammo." 0321-"I tackle her." {She was a wolf shapeshifter in human form} 0322-"Dragon? What dragon?" 0323-"I shoot a missile at one of the Wasps." 0324-"Does anybody in the group have Doc Wagon?" 0325-"A juggernaut? What the hell's a juggernaut?" 0326-"Get him!" 0327-"I give him the finger..." 0328-"He has a threat rating of WHAT ?" 0329-"Guys, there's some giant bugs in the hallway." 0330-"Do you think it's a toxic spirit?" 0331-"What's with that wierdo with the teeth?" 0332-"I put my AK97 under my coat and go to the subway." 0333-"How many teeth does it have?" {character used to make chains of the teeth of his dead opponents} 0334-"'Brak'? That's a stupid name for a barbarian!" 0335-"Blue, no...wait, Yellow! Aaaaarghhhh" {to a bridgekeeper} 0336-"Shit, it's a minefield, leggit !!!" 0337-"Call me Kregor the Undying!" 0338-"Let's split." 0339-"They will flee in terror from my " 0340-"Feel like surrendering ?" 0341-"Give you my T.O.&E ?! Figure it out yourself..." 0342-"It's only infantry." 0343- while rolling dices "Please God, not an ammo explosion..." 0344-"Stupid fool. Tried to scare me by firing LRMs at my feet. I charge right at him." {character standing in a minefield} 0345-"Sure you can use the LRM Carrier platoon in this scenario ." 0346-"Airstrike? Sure.....But I get one too." 0347-"I'll hide my ship near the planet's ring?" {which is where several hundred nuclear missile-equipped automated battlesats were hidden} 0348-"That's an interesting headband you're wearing pilot Smith." {kamikaze headband} 0349-"I'm sure reinforcements will get here on time. They promised." 0350-"Say, what's that red dot on your forehead?" {laser sight} 0351-"I'm a vampire. No mortal can kill me." 0352-"What a stupid 'bot." {It was a hunter-killer drone} 0353-"Jamming at full power, they'll never scan through that!!" {enemy used anti-radiation missiles} 0354-"What kind of idiot would set boobytraps in his own home?" 0355-"No, I wasn't reading the module. I was just looking at the pictures." 0356-"Black Ice in Mom and Pop's Grocery?!" {front for money launderers} 0357-"Funny, doesn't *look* like a cyberpsycho...." {but it was one} 0358-"Corporate geek, huh? I throw my beer on his fancy suit!" {Arasaka exec with bodyguards nearby} 0359-"No security force is *that* fast responding." 0360-"I have a very bad feeling about this." 0361-"I'm sure they didn't trace me." 0362-"I throw the grenade..." (Onto a proch less than ten feet away) 0363-"We'll let him fire the mortar, he's not to good with a gun." 0364-"Um... I charge the machine gun nest." 0365-"I think I'll rob that place." 0366-"Naah. He's the DM, he never kills PCs." 0367-"I turn the red gem so that the little carving points right at the one on the wall above it. Then I rotate the ..." 0368-"No, you idiot, they can't hear us crawling around out here!" {yelled to another PC} 0369-"So they have a tank...big deal! I have an M-16!!! I can kill it." 0370-"What do you mean they threw it back ?" 0371-"There is only two left..." 0372-"No, sir. We're gonna protect this fire base. They won't get past us... ...Arc Light ?!?! What do you mean the B-52s are on their way ???" {after being ordered to evacuate a camp that will be attacked in four hours} 0373-"Switch to 2nd Edition? Okay, what the hell..." 0374-"Do something, SCHMUCK !" 0375-"Hey, wow, something that really DOES 'go bump in the night' !" 0376-"One of these must be the right one...just start pushing buttons at random, we'll hit it." 0377-"In my present mood I could cast 'Speak with Dead' and talk to myself." 0378-"Oh, that's just a flesh wound." "Ach, is doch nur 'ne Fleischwunde..." {in German} 0379-DM: "You know you're 6' high and sitting on a 3' high horse in a saddle designed to keep you from falling. Now you're charging at full speed into a 7' high cave. What are you going to do ?" PC: "Hit my head on the cave roof ?!" {He took a *lot* of damage...} 0380-"I just HAVE to know what that magic trap(/item) does." 0381-"Oh, that bat's not much of a problem." {playing ULTIMA Underworld} 0382-"Let me have this stupid skeleton with my two-handed sword." 0383-"I tell the guard to go fuck himself, but I say it in a nice way." 0384-"I wish all these bloody things were dead." {spoken by a PC wearing a ring of wishes (he didn't know about), the entire party was wounded so they died like two of ten demons they were fighting.} 0385-"You are on my side, aren't you ?!" 0386-"Open that door, slut!" {said by PC to another PC(femalefighter), she cuts him in two after that} 0387-NPC: "Surrender !" PC1: "Don't shoot. I give up, but let this guy(PC2) go, I took him as a hostage..." NPC: "Okay, okay, but first of all drop all your weapons!" {said to PC1} PC2: {taking out his Heavy Autopistol} "Shall I drop my weapon,too ???" 0388-"Computer, I'd like to register my mutation... It's Machine Empathy." 0389-"Sacrifice...?" 0390-"My Skill? ... Vehicle Operations... Flybot...! ... Oh shit!" 0391-"I'll try to fix it." 0392-"I step back as far as I can." {In an elevator} 0393-"I try to talk to the blob." 0394-"A Communist sticker on the Warbot? ... I'll shoot it off." 0395-"I'll put my head in, and see what's inside." 0396-PC1: "So... who knows how to drive?" {noone knew but they didn't care...} 0397-"You mean this suit is nuclear powered? Get me outta here! ... Guys?" 0398-PC: "Citizen Marks-R reporting treasonous activity in a corridor." "What colour corridor is that, citizen?" {computer} "The corridor? Umm...It's Blue." 0399-"It has an ejector seat? I pull the lever." {in a helicopter-like Flybot} 0400-"Beeping? O.K. I put it back in my holster." 0401-"I'll hold my breath and run through the gas." 0402-"I'd better carry the explosives, I've got demolition skill." 0403-"Oh shit... I'll try to teleport again." 0404-"Umm... Do I have a gas mask?" 0405-"I knock at that door." 0406-"Save vs spell ? Why ? Doesn't matter! I've got a save on a 4." {said it rolled his dice and was disintegrated on a roll of 3} 0407-"I try to resurect him with this rod." 0408-"Was that rune inscribed on the cage important ?" 0409-"Want some help ?" {said by an magic apprentice} 0410-"Quick !! How does one UNSUMMON a demon lord ?" 0411-"I wonder what this wand does ?" {waving it around} 0412-"Remember that demon that you HAD imprisoned down in the cellar ? Well..." 0413-"I thought lighting the candles around the pentagram was YOUR job." 0414-"I finally shot that owl that's been folowing you around !" 0415-"By the way, what's the reverse of "summon"?" 0416-"That fire wand only had 25 charges left on it ?!" 0417-"How does one control something once it gets out of the pentagram ?" 0418-"The warding circle for this demon wasn't continuous before, was it ?" 0419-a) "Let's see what'll happen when I mix these two potions together ?" b) "I mix the potions and drink." c) "I'll mix these potions and see if I can't get a better one..." 0420-"So this wand fires a fireball if I point it at something and say 'Braxat'?" { Boom !!!!!! } 0421-"You wouldn't happen to have a banishment spell memorized...?" 0422-"Hey, I bet I can do that better than you can!" 0423-"Oh, that component was worth THAT much ?" 0424-"But this was supposed to be foolproof!" 0425-"I thought you said "Cone of Cold" not "Coin of Gold"!" 0426-"What kind of glue do you use to fix a DragonOrb ?" 0427-"Master, I kind of forgot to feed your familiar." {never seen again} 0428-"What's in this bottle ?" * POP * "Uhh... oh-oh..." 0429-"Sorry about that, Master. I promise I won't wave your wand around again... Hmm...what's this frog doing here ?" 0430-"Is this scroll pronounced 'HAStur HAStur' or 'HasTUR HasTUR' ?" 0431-"Hey, where did I put the top to this Decanter of Endless Water ?" 0432-Master: "Hey, where is my staff of power, you know, the one with the rune on it ???" Apprentice: "Was that your Staff of Power ? That end table in the den at home needed a new leg and you TOLD me to fix it ..." 0433-"Okay, I put the fire resistence potions in the red bottles, and the cold resistence potions in the blue. Or was it the other way around ??" 0434-"I thought this spell required a 5-sided star..." 0435-"Master, why was this mirror lying faced down on the table ?? Master ??? Gee, where'd he go ? {scratches head} 0436-"We are all out of candles, so I used lanterns to surround the pentacle..." 0437-Apprentice: "Well, Master, I finally managed to learn the enlarge spell. Now, could you please tell me how one gets rid of a 50' big rat ?" 0438-Apprentice: "Excuse me sir but, theoretically, what would happen if someone summoned, oohhh, lets say a major demon from the 376 level of the Abyss ?" 0439-"With this body in my possesion I shall now rule the world!!" 0440-"Why does the writing on that book disappear while I am reading it ?" 0441-"That nice wizard from across town paid me 2000gp to deliver this box to you... Me thinks -- It must be some kind of clock !" 0442-"Let me control this steering-wheel now." 0443-PC hires NPC to be a spy; PC is in contact with NPC via walkie-talkie : NPC:"I see it coming...aaargllhhhh" {sough} PC :"What do you mean 'aaargllhhhh'? Hey man, I've paid for this." 0444-DM:"All of you successfully hit the dragon. It doesn't do anything." PC:"You mean it doesn't even wake up?" DM:"Suddenly, from behind you a *living* white dragon..." 0445-DM:"You crash through the door and find about 10 goblins. They look surprised." PC:"I say, 'Boo'!" 0446-"Come on, there's no such thing as a sword made of arsenic..." 0447-"It probably just wants to be friends." 0448-"Don't worry, what are the odds of rolling a 1 on a d20 ?" 0449-"It doesn't look like anyone is hiding in here." 0450-"Aw, come on. I'm sure he's forgotten about that last time." 0451-"I light the torch. What do you mean there is a sizzling sound ?" -* BOOM *- 0452-"I'll kill that sucker if it's the last thing I do." {It was...} 0453-"I hear a clic-clac? OK, I'll do a fast peek, like in Miami Vice. Those guys never got shot." 0454-"I bet this is not under current." 0455-"Come on, there are more good mutations than defected ones." 0456-"Who cares about f*king telepathics. Lets torch him." 0457-"I know how to handle a flame thrower." 0458-"I'm so tired. I'll sleep during my watch tonight. Nothing will happen." 0459-"I never fall asleep during guard jobs." 0460-"I want my reward." 0461-"I wake up quickly!" 0462-"Bugger! Failed my Intelligence test." 0463-"YES! A naked maiden in the woods, I just have to take a look." {...visit the nymph...} 0464-a) "Anything but a fumble now...." b) "What do you mean I fumbled ?" 0465-"I am not getting short-changed by this guy." 0466-"Let this Alien Queen come in. We'll roast her with our flamers...What do you mean 'no oxygen in the atmosphere' ?" 0467-"Ok, since I am going to die anyway, I pull the pins off all the grenades on my body..." 0468-"You must be kidding! No?" 0469-"Are you sure this female goblin could do 6 points of damage with flail ?" {He had only 5 points.} 0470-"Don't worry! I still have a dagger attack." 0471-"Come on, do you really think they could throw a grenade through that small window ?!" 0472-"I don't care. I'm taking a bath right now." 0473-"Hey, wake up, they're coming... For Heaven's sake, WAKE UP!" 0474-"No retreat, no surrender!" 0475-"Hey scumbag, we'll do it my way, or I'm gonna have to kill you." 0476-"Turn !!!" {to bone golem} 0477-"Sure, give me 5 cards." {from the Deck of Many Things, being offered by a man in black robes} 0478-"Look, you're on top of a building, you behind cover, he is firing full auto. There is no way he can hit you." 0479-"While my elemental is attacking, I'll cast Magic Missile..." {to which the elemental attacked him} 0480-"What do you mean the skull is floating in the air?" {Demilich float} 0481-"Hey, she's female. Don't worry, this GM never has female villians." 0482-"My Character is being careful." 0483-"Isn't the rope double-secured up there!?" 0484-"A cute looking coala with a WHAT!? THEY can't use Kalashnikovs, no!?" 0485-"That auto-targetting laser can't hit me! I have human reflexes." 0486-"Don't worry. This is just another empty room." 0487-"Hey man, they're just two lousy orcs..." {He never saw ogres before.} 0488-"This trap only hits one time. Trust me, I'm sure." 0489-"Elves don't die. They live eternally." {Not this one, of course} 0490-"Shit. Why did I slay the healer ?" 0491-"NOOO, don't touch anything inside..."* BOOM * {inside a laboratory} 0492-"I can banish this demon." 0493-GM: "You encounter some goblins." Party: "BANZAIIII" [charge] GM: "Hmm, didn't I say, they're 84." 0494-"Don't worry. This ship won't sink with this little water inside." 0495-"Come on you cowards. This guy is dead since hundreds of years." [kneeing near a skeleton] 0496-"Wait. Let me first look through the keyhole." [a trapped one] 0497-"What do you mean 'No reaction' ? I hit him again harder !" 0498-"Don't worry. With the amount of modifiers you've got there's no way he'll hit you." 0499-"He just fell off the 10th floor? I run over and catch him." 0500-"Live and let live ? Yeah, right!" 0501-"I guess this has to be the location shown at the map. But what the means this title 'M_NEFI__D'" *BOOM* {bad luck it was a minefield} 0502-"Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix." 0503-a) "I ensure you that this rope is robust enough to help you in climbing down the canyon." b) "Don't worry, this rope will hold." 0504-"Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there." 0505-"What happens if you touch these two wires tog..." 0506-a) "Don't worry, it's not loaded." b) "Are you sure its not loaded ?" 0507-"I want revenge !" 0508-"Wanna have more ?" 0509-"I've beaten you once and I can do it again." 0510-"No problem at all. I've a +20 modifyer on Detect Traps." 0511-"What a big rock in the ceiling ahead. Is it fixed there ?" 0512-"Grimmtooth ? Not this one." 0513-"I'll take a quick bath in this pool." {full of acid} 0514-"I wake him up." 0515-"You wizard don't have the 'Analyze Potion' spell. Okay, I will take a smell at it." 0516-"Let me take a closer look on the medusa..." 0517-"They are chaotic evil ? That's great, we're chaotic evil, too. So there will be no problem with alignments." 0518-PL: "Hi, my name is Hurga the Immortal." DM: [smiling] "I hope you have an Hurga the Immortal II worked out..." 0519-"I can kill everything. What is it ?" 0520-"I disbelieve the pit's existence and walk over it" 0521-"How about a riddle contest?" {facing a dragon} 0522-"They're only squirrels. Come on, lets' go." {hungry ones} 0523-"17,000 miles? That's ridiculous - I can't believe someone would go that far only to kill me!" 0524-"This does have a safety catch, doesn't it?" {Nope.} 0525-"OK, I'll leap out, open the outer airlock door, and then jump back inside and close the inner hatch...will I get a negative to my DEX roll?" 0526-"This poor creature...I have the skill animal-care. I'll help that horse." {This 'horse' was a terrible mixture between a horse and a lion.} 0527-"We should have no problems with the werewolves. I've got a ring of healing." {lycanthrophy is hard to heal in Ravenloft} 0528-{in a dockside inn} PC1: "I call him a reptile's haemmorhoid" {to a dock-worker} GM : "Eight people stand up." PC1: "Can I get out the door ?" PC2: "I block the door." 0529-GM: "Don't let Odin see this ugly act." PC: "F*ck this damned Odin !" --kawoommm-- 0530-"Ok, I'll run through his prismatic sphere, and attack." 0531-"A child could have done it!" 0532-"The odds were on *my* side." 0533-"Those fools are wasting ammunition! They couldn't hit the broad side of a barn at this distance..." *thud* 0534-"I'll cast darkness to get away from the bats." 0535-GM: "A kind of sizzling sound seems to come from a small hole in the wall." PL: "I try to close it with a glutinous strip." (inside an enterprise known for producing nerv gas for military usage) 0536-"Don't worry. The thief's stupid. She won't know we're using her for a Polish Mine Detector." 0537-PL: "I go and help the wizard." GM: "So you disturb the circle of diamond dust around the pentacle." 0538-"We're no wimps to hide inside at night !" 0539-"What do you mean the townspeople are upset that we killed the mayor?" 0540-GM: "Uh. After killing one wolf the 99 others aren't really too fazed." 0541-"What do you mean save versus Turn to Stone?" 0542-"Okay guys, what we need to do is ........ROLL REALLY WELL !!!" 0543-PL: "How long am I going to be stunned for?" GM: {smiling} "...the rest of your life." 0544-"Hey, I know, that you're evil!" {after casting a detect-evil on a red dragon} 0545-Priest:"Okay, God, you wanted it this way." 0546-"I don't know which kind of tree this one is, but we're safe." (in a thun- derstorm) 0547-"Die!!!" {But he had a ring of spell turning.} 0548-"Ok, I make friendship with this baby cardonian." 0549-"Don't shoot, it's me." 0550-"HA ! We killed all the hostages anyway!" 0551-"Don't worry, he is the recon expert..." 0552-"The window isn't open, so he couldn't have gotten out, he must be still be in here." {absolutely right} 0553-"I reach my hand into his pocket. What do you mean it's a bag of devouring ?" 0554-"I take a deep breath." 0555-"Pattern on the floor? What pattern ? Oh, that pattern!" {Amber} 0556-"What do you mean my weapon was made by the cheapest contractor?" 0557-(a demon shows up) PC: "Who did you ask for? Oh Shit!!!" 0558-"What does scroll of stupidity do? duh?" 0559-"What do you mean you got the spell wrong or backwards ?" 0560-"So how many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb ?" (PC to another PC while sitting in a Klingon bar) 0561-"So where is that local woman Im supposed to wrestle ?" {after drinkin' a fifth of vodka, was supposed to wrestle a polar bear and fool around with a local girl, but he got it confused.} 0562-"I break the end of the oxygen cylinder off and aim it at the enemy!" 0563-"So what is a mind flayer, oh that is a mind flayer..." 0564-"We're HOW close to a super nova ???" 0565-"Okay, who turned out the lights ?" 0566-"What do you mean it the 'snow crash' hypercard, what does that mean?" 0567-GM: "This is your last chance to get out from under this girder." PL: "The others aren't helping, are they?" GM: "Nope." PL: "OK, I'll use my pyrokinesis on Lucky's nuclear reactor to blast it off..." 0568-"It's daytime...it's gotta be safe." 0569-"Let's all go in; he wouldn't kill the whole party at once." 0570-"Watch this and be envious!" {right before climbing up a ten foot wall, falling down putting himself in a coma, died later on - bad luck } 0571-Dwarf:"Hey, elf, what does this message on the metal plaque at the be- ginning of the tunnel say ?" Elf(smiling):"Walk in single file down the corridor, keeping to the left." Dwarf:"Okay, me first..." {Gnomish message - elf didn't know Gnomish} 0572-"Hey, this hole in the ceiling wasn't there the last time, was it ?" {after that a purple worm came out of that hole} 0573-"A spell of aging? Come on, I'm an Elf!!" 0574-"He doesn't look lika a barbarian." 0575-DM: "You detect massive launches of missiles from the surface heading toward the ship. You're in the path..." 0576-"What's it gonna do? Bleed on me ?" {about a badly wounded Alien warrior the kind with acid for blood...} 0577-"I suppose a good death is better then bad roleplaying." 0578-{PC is facing a big dragon} GM: "You CAN run away." PC: "No, I can't." DM: "Your psychlim is moderate." PC: "No, it ain't." DM: "Yes, it is." PC: "Used to be, My overconfidence is much higher now." 0579-"The mithril arrowheads are mine! The elves OBVIOUSLY wanted me to have them !" 0580-"Ok, I'll drink my self-made healing potion." 0581-"What do you mean I'm the only one who survived the first combat round ?" {but he didn't decide to flee} 0582-"I put on the necklace I took from that skeleton." {Necklace of Strangulation, removable only by wish spell or when person is a skeleton} 0583-"What 10,000 gp I borrowed ?!" {said to a barbarian who liked his gold} 0584-"I'm a wizard. I don't need to be able to swim. I will fly !" {fumble} 0585-PC1: "Help me, I'm in deep trouble. Hey, Argan, it's your turn, you owe a lot of money you borrowed." PC2(smiling): "Not any longer, I guess..." 0586-"I go back by myself to look at those pretty yellow flowers I saw back there." {Yellow Musk Creeper} 0587-"I jump down into the river to see how deep it is." 0588-"Take the other end of this rope and we'll trip the dragon as it runs through the doorway." 0589-"You? A GOD? Sure, right, then strike me down with lightning!" 0590-"I could have sworn that statue didn't register when I did detect magic." 0591-"Don't worry fellas, it's not a real dragon. It's just a skeleton of one." 0592-"Okay, let's see if I loaded this thing right." 0593-"Was that all ?" 0594-"Damn, I KNEW I'd forgotten something..." 0595-"Nothing ever happens on the first level of the dungeon!" 0596-"I didn't know there were rules for weapons breaking..." 0597-"Reload ? Nah, I've still got 5 shots in the mag." 0598-"Wiz, put the cat out !" 0599-PC1:"I guess this goblin came to taunt and lead us into an ambush." PC2:"Yes, obviously. Hopefully there'll be more of them there." {there were} 0600-"I stroll past the thieve's guild." 0601-"Hey, there's dead things under here!" 0602-"Well, he's got the arrow point cocked against my temple, so when he lets go of the drawstring, it should just stay there, right?" 0603-"I try to outrun the cops." 0604-"They can't shoot us at this speed!" {while driving away at 35 mph} 0605-"What do you mean this is a one-way street?!" 0606-An ambitious example how to carry a live electrical wire across a river: "I put the wire in my mouth and wade through the river." 0607-"How many times do I have to tell you: there's no ghosts here!" 0608-"It's just a magic mouth, right?" 0609-"What was that demon's name. I think... ah, yes... it was-" 0610-"What do you mean there are five more town guard ?" 0611-"I should survive this." 0612-{after surrender of the White dragon}"I release it from my entangle spell" 0613-"I jump after him." {On top of a tower, a evil wizard made his escape by casting Jump} 0614-"I'll stay out here in the light." 0615-"They'll never expect it." 0616-"What do you mean, 'Let's try a frontal assault on those archers'??" 0617-"What do you mean, `He panics, grabs me by the head and throws me to the other side of the room'?!? This guy is supposed to be a scared, shaken, mentally unbalanced nervous wreck!" 0618-Priest:"Are you telling me you are the chosen one?" PC :"Did I say that? No, no, you misunderstood me; I just wanted to say..." 0619-"I push him in the pit from behind..." 0620-"They're only trolls, I won't waste a fireball." 0621-"Remember my Helm of Brilliance saves at +4, so it only needs ..." {helm failed to save, exploded and killed the whole party} 0622-"You mean I *wasn't* sleeping in my armour ?" 0623-"Thank God for the Computer!" {In Paranoia, all religion has been deemed illegal - instant termination} 0624-"Who's got a tinderbox?" {nobody} 0625-"Mayhap, I should not have done that..." 0626-"Don't worry, they can't fire while cloaked." 0627-"Sensor scans show negative, captain." 0628-PC1:"Shields are down to 10%, captain." PC2:"Just one more photon torpedo, and he's history..." 0629-"Lower shields as a sign of peace !" 0630-"I'll take this hit like a man to save my action." 0631-"Cut life support to conserve energy." 0632-"Hah! That's six! You're empty, mister!" 0633-"Quick, there's an Ogre over there, hide the gold!" {shouted} 0634-"Why aren't you recording our damage ?" 0635-{in an aircraft} PC1:"Blubber-blubber-gaaaaa." {failed SAN check} PC2:"Does anyone *else* have Piloting skill?" 0636-GM:"How many hit points did you say you have ?" {shaking every dice he owns} 0637-"What do you mean the warranty ran out ?!" 0638-PL {to GM}:"I did not know you owned THAT many dice!" 0639-"What, I thought you had the toll money." 0640-"Sorry Fred, I did not see you behind me." 0641-PC1:"Quick, cast a fireball !!!" PC2:"I'm a bloody watermage..." 0642-PC1:"Only a idiot would stick his head out of that window...Hey Mark, stick your head out of that window." PC2:"Okay." 0643-{PC in Imperial uniform meets many armed pirates} NPCs:"Who the hell are you..." PC :"I'm one of you, guys..er..joined last week." NPCs:"Then whu do you wear that Imperial Officier's Uniform ?" PC :"It's not a uniform....its a sweater my mother knitted for me." 0644-a)"Don't worry, I never fumble." b)"Don't worry guys, I can't possibly fumble twice in a row." 0645-"Scared? Us? There's ten of us and one of him! Chaaaaarge..." 0646-GM:"Okay, you managed to escape from palace-jail. Now you're in the palace garden. What'll you do next ?" PC:"Hiding in this bush. They won't find me there." 0647-GM:"He wants a duty for passing." PC:"I pull his beard." { 'He' was a large troll.} 0648-"Okay, Mr. Hal !" {to Emperor Hal I., the allmighty ruler of the large empire, defender of humanity, ...etc} 0649-GM:"The doors are locked and the corridor is filling with water from pipes high on the walls." PC:"I'll cut a hole in the ceiling with my monomolecular sword." GM:"Okay. The fire-sprinkler pipes which run through the ceiling start spraying water all over the place. There is also a high-voltage electrical cable conduit in the ceiling..." {grin} 0650-"I drop the thermal detonator and duck around the corner." 0651-"We don't negotiate with monsters, we kill them!" 0652-"Maybe I should make up a spare character, just in case." 0653-"I rolled so well on my force field, nothing can touch me." 0654-"Gee, if I had known what a failed bind spell would do I never would have cast it on that Dark Young." 0655-"If you meant the giant elephant statue, why didn't you say so?" 0656-"It always works in the movies." 0657-"You know, I'm actually starting to like this character." 0658-Priest(PC):"Hey, what's the name of this module ?" GM :"Death Of A Priest" 0659-"No problem at all. He is 6th level Elven Bladesinger and we're only 5th level, but we're PCs." 0660-"A Sphinx Of Enigma ? Don't worry, she always asks for the solution of the same riddle which I know." 0661-"The spell 'Know Alignment' says she's a Neutral Good Drow." 0662-PC1:"Go talk to it. You're the one with the 18 Charisma." PC2:"Okay...Pardon me...Do you have any 'Grey Poupon'?" 0663-"A little japanese kid ? He's called AKIRA ? I don't care..." 0664-"Power ! More Power!" 0665-GM:"The orc peels back the blanket, looks at you, and says 'Din-ner'." 0666-"What the hell is a 'Horror Check'? This ain't Cthulu..." 0667-"What do you bloody well mean it was a 'luck blade'?! Do YOU KNOW what I just wished for ?!" 0668-{PC (bard) to troll} "I can sing for you...please don't eat me." 0669-"Look out! I'm coming to save you!" 0670-PC{bard}:"You're not going to believe this, but I sang this song about the King of Cormyr and his mistress, and he was a bit mad..." 0671-"Have you noticed that she gets this huge glow in her eyes right before she's going to kill you?" {about GM} 0672-{Party meets a group of NPCs} PC1:"We come in peace." PC2:"...and leave in pieces." 0673-"Nah. She's done this to us before. Its just a blue dragon with an illusion of four other heads." 0674-"I wonder what number comes before zero..." {about his life points/wounds} 0675-PC:"It looks like a big worm ? How big ?" GM: smiling 0676-Bard-PC:"I'll make a nasty song up about this uncivilised bastard." 0677-Bard-PC:"You..said...that...you...broke...my...flute ? BANZAIIII !!!!" 0678-"It was only a dumb unicorn. Why's the ranger so upset ?" 0679-"The laws of probability say that I should be able to climb this wall like that {snaps fingers}." 0680-PC:"Kill the troll." Troll:"I would prefer it if you would cease the hostilities..." {player died of shock} 0681-GM:"So you're trying to ride your pony on a swaying rope bridge over a lava pit without the riding proficiency ?!" 0682-{female PC detects someone who behaves suspicious (he is a killer sent to terminate her party!) in a bar. She doesn't know wether he observes her or just find her attractive. She walks up to him.} "Do you like a drink ?" 0683-"We surround them, fellows... hey...?" 0684-"I don't know if I'll make it through this round. Maybe I should have fled." 0685-"Does the spell really require ox blood? Can I substitute some other kind of blood ?" 0686-"We can stop and heal when we get there." 0687-"I'm still pretty sharp. I only had a few beers." 0688-"It's GUARANTEED against breakage!" 0689-"I have to. He insulted me. It's a matter of personal honor." 0690-"This one is hard to hit. No parry this round." 0691-"This is so stupid. I can't believe I'm going to die at the hands of this little gnome." 0692-"I'll try again." 0693-"Am I still bleeding ?" 0694-"Good thing the GM forgot about my curse." 0695-{to GM}"You're shooting a ballista at 1st level PCs?!?" 0696-"Uh oh. How fast can I hack through this wooden ceiling with my sword ?" {Wasn't _nearly_ fast enough, but nice idea.} 0697-"Don't worry. The Healers' Guild are all sworn pacifists." 0698-"No trouble, the mothership would have us teleported out of this Section BEFORE the Genestealers will reach us." 0699-"I've just killed six Genestealers in Overwatch, I'll manage it again." 0700-"The inscription says 'Asmodeus was here.' Asmodeus... I haven't heard that name before. Hey, magic-user, do you know who Asmodeus is ?" 0701-"It's just a mirror. Right ?" 0702-"There are no demons in Second edition." 0703-"Dragon turtles can't breath underwater." 0704-"We're using spell fumbles ?!?" 0705-"Gygax modules aren't that killer..." 0706-"What do you mean I'm standing on a big X ?!" 0707-"I set fire to the stage." {in an elven inn} 0708-"Gods don't exist. Here, I'll show you...Odin is a geek! Odin is a geek! Odin is a geek! ... See, nothing happened." 0709-PC :"No captain, there is no-one here, except for the computer speaking." NPC:"What is it saying ?" PC :"9 ... 8 ... 7 ..." 0710-"What ? It looks exactly like me, except it's made out of luminious blue energy ? It's an illusion. Watch, I'll stick my sword thru it!" 0711-"A red dragon? Aw, the DM wouldn't give us one of those until we're really high level. I disbelieve." 0712-"Woah, I'm really lucky! A chest, no traps, no locks? You gotta be kidding! I open the chest." 0713-DM:"You hear a click." PC:"I freeze !" {while standing on a pit} 0714-NPC:"I jump down the cliff." {VERY long way down} PC1:"I jump." PC2:"I leap and grab onto PC1." PC3:"Okay, I jump too." PC1:"Just before I hit, I'' activate my Feather Fall." PC3:"Your what ?" 0715-PC:"What do you mean the brontosaurus surprises us? Where did it come from ?" GM:"Well, it was hiding behind the mountain." 0716-PC:{to NPC}"En garde." GM:"Touche." 0717-"Don't worry. I only fail to save on an ..." 0718-"You obviously don't know who you're dealing with." 0719-"Fireballs don't hurt me." 0720-{to DM}:"Let's talk about what we just saw...." 0721-{to hostile wizard} "You thought we wouldn't survive that and come back to you, didn't you ?" 0722-"I'm sure that noone saw us." 0723-"Defend your life, you ugly worm." 0724-"This disease is no lethal one." 0725-"Where the hell did that assassin get a laser-guided triple-barreled crossbow ?" 0726-"Fifty monsters ? Well, half of 'em are kobolds. We can take 'em!" 0727-PC:"There are HOW MANY GNOLLS in that courtyard ?" GM:"Well, about 200. Want to stop and count them?" 0728-"Well, I hit him twice. He's probably in bad shape." 0729-"What do you mean there's a shapechanging demon in the party ?" 0730-"I'm a grey elf! I have lots of time!" 0731-"I parry the demon's two-handed sword with my stiletto !" 0732-PC1:"Why is there a moose staring into that bush over there ?" {enemy hiding there} PC2:"What the heck is a moose doing here ?" PC1:"Maybe the attacker turned himself into a moose!" PC2:"It's a shapechanging moose!" PC1:"I'll cast Charm Person on the moose." PC2:"I cast detect magic and look at the moose." DM :"You detect no magic on the moose." PC1:"It must be a non-detection moose!" PC2:"Yeah, a shape-changing non-detection moose!" 0733-NPC:"Beware the unspeakable one!" PC :"Oh, you mean Hastur ?" 0734-"Dwarves can't be vampires." 0735-a) "What do you mean there's no saving throw ?" b) "There has to be a saving throw!" 0736-"I'm stunned, huh ? Okay, I sit back and drool for a while." 0737-"What do you mean I'm his slave now ?" 0738-"I fly over to the pirate ship." {the plate-clad warrior encountered a beholder's Anti-Magic Gaze} 0739-"Hey, the pyramid's glowing. I didn't think it could do that." 0740-"What do you mean the ship is sinking ?" {character disintegrated a hole in its bottom} 0741-"That gem must be worth a fortune! I'll grab it!" {a demon's soul gem} 0742-"I'll follow him down the alleyway." 0743-"Stop screwing around with all this sneaky stuff!" {character rips window frame off building and climbs in} 0744-"Priests of Orcus aren't that bad, are they ?" 0745-"Cool! Crocodiles!" 0746-"We'll wait in ambush for them here !" {they were ambushed themselves} 0747-"I thought you silenced the guard!" 0748-"They have an acceleration of WHAT ?!" 0749-"Wait 'till I flick my bic." 0750-"Ah. Safety jackets are for pussies." 0751-"Don't worry. I've done this before." 0752-"Just see it as a proof for courage." 0753-"I take my missing leg that he just ripped off, and hit him on the head." 0754-""Give me the cooler box or I'll have to get it myself." {freezes to death} 0755-"I'll probably be faster then this four-headed monster." 0756-"I step through the darkness, what do I see ?" 0757-PC1:"Let's use a Silence spell." PC2:"No, we might need it later..." { -- knocking on the door and asking for trouble } 0758- {cave full of goblins} NPC (Goblin leader):"Who kills the most dwarves ?" PC1 (party elf): "He gets 10 GP!" PC2 (party dwarf): "Ok." {dwarf is slaying all the goblins} PC2 (dwarf): "So, where is my 10 GP ?" PC1 (elf): "No, you didn't understand... it was meant for the goblins..." 0759-"I was sittig here first." 0760-"You're a dead man, you hear me, a dead man!" 0761-"This is *my* table." {in a tavern} 0762-GM:"Failed Strength Check ?! Okay, you try to cross the fast-flowing river near the waterfall using a rope and you don't manage to hold this rope. So you go down the waterfall and begin your last journey." PC:"But I only held the rope for doing so. I'm tied with it !" GM:"Snip." 0763-"There's nothing that could go wrong. I have a 96 percent chance to be revived. Let's go on." 0764-"Runes of Protection ?! Never heard about ..." 0765-"What do you mean I'll be damned." 0766-"What are these three glowing red dots on your chest for?" 0767-"Where is that damn assassin?" 0768-"I'm *still* glowing when I wake up in the morning ???" 0769-GM:"So are you just going up into the Rope Trick then?" PC:"Yeah, and these guys are going to hand me up the gold and I'll stack it around and..." ...poof... 0770-"Why does Norm the pirate have a stick with a skull on the end?" 0771-"Sh*t, my sword isn't working!" 0772-GM:"You see a giant glowing emerald lying on the ocean floor, in the midst of the shipwreck. It's bigger than your head and pulsates with inner light." PC:"Cool! I pick it up!" 0773-"Say, I wonder why my detect magic isn't on any more--urgck." {assassin disabled it...} 0774-GM:"You glimpse a shadowy figure on the next rooftop." PL:"Okay, I D-Door to the rooftop behind that one." 0775-"Look at this Neato-Keen stick I found! It's got a skull on the end and... hey, where'd everybody go?" 0776-"Bloody Peasant." 0777-GM:"Nimbus-man tells you to stop following him, puts you down, and turns around to leave." PC:"OK, I wait until he goes around the corner, then I follow him." 0778-"Man, this water feels really funny." 0779-"I broke my rapier parrying the giant ? That doesn't matter, I have a second one with me anytime." 0780-"I hope my defensive spells are still working." 0781-"The air is solidifying? Um, I start digging." 0782-"Pirate Lords are wimps." 0783-"I've been impaled to the floor with a lance ? Um, I try and tumble out of the way of his next attack." 0784-"Maybe you'd better not touch that?" 0785-"I need this blood for, uhh, an experiment." 0786-"Please press '#' to download your free navigation software upgrade." 0787-"Shields are for cowards only!" 0788-"I can't jump to cover. If I would do so, they will fire at Tom {another PC}, right?" 0789-"My magic-user stands at attention and gives the fire giants the One-Finger Salute..." 0790-"I swing my double-bladed axe with a terrific outcry to impress the other party members and to intimidate our opponents ! ... What do you mean the metal blades became loose and I only still hold the wooden helve in my hand ? Where are they ?" 0791-"Sure I'd like to kiss her." 0792-"We can take him out -- we've all got stoneskin on!" 0793-"What do you mean I can't hide in shadows behind that sand dune ?!" 0794-"I choose to trial in combat." {by a ranger lord, accused of treason} 0795-"Well, that wizard's out of spells, charge !" 0796-"Okay, so they're looking furtive, jumpy, and nervous, are carrying state of the art weaponry, and are heading down a tunnel - I'll attempt to follow them stealthily." 0797-"Hello Mr. Cow, I've never..." {said to a Minotaur} 0798-PC1:"Are the others all alright ?" PC2:"I don't know - they're all under water." 0799-"O.K., I'll divert the guards, you all go in the back gate." 0800-"Does anyone recognise me ?" 0801-"We're just defending our rights. Can I hit someone now, please ?" 0802-"I pull the pin and count to three!" 0803-"No one would be stupid enough to ram another car at THIS speed !" 0804-"C'Mon, a large glowing gem surrounded by skeletons impaled on spikes ? Noone would make a trap that obvoius." 0805-"Hmmm Cloudkill. If I run fast enough I should be able to run through it." {too late when he noticed the pit underneath it...} 0806-PC1:"I step out of the combat and cast Chromatic Orb at one of the enimies - at my level he must save or be turned to stone." PC2:"Wait if you fire a spell ito melee there is a chance it will hit one of the other players." PC3:"Don't worry, there are more of them and they are larger than you." 0807-"The troll won't attack, he will be grateful for letting him out of the cell." 0808-"What do you mean if I roll a 20 the disintegrate spell will reflect back?" 0809-"I speak to the Celestial Dragon in the dragon tounge. Does that impress him ?" 0810-"Look, it is the ship of the evil Pirate Kane. I wonder why his bounty is so much higher than the other pirates. Oh well well be rich after we kill him." 0811-"The dragon wants us to hand over all our valuables ? Okay, I toss him 1 gold piece." 0812-"I shoot at the Indians that are armed with guns, the ones with bows shouldn't pose much of a threat." 0813-"What do you mean the mage disappeared? I thought there weren't any Teleport spell in Shadowrun !" {There were invisibility spells though} 0814-"I use my boots of speed to run after him. What do you mean he just went through the wall ?" {THUD} 0815-"It's only two vehicles and they are unarmored, we should be able to take them out before they can shoot back." 0816-"I hit him, but I don't want to harm him." 0817-"I always win in gambling." {said by a PC who was offered a game of Russian Roulette} 0818-a) "That bridge will hold our weight!" b) "The bridge looks sturdy enough.." 0819-"What do you mean a Ring of WindWalking does only function for one hour per day ?" {said while 200 yards above ground} 0820-{inside a dark dungeon} PC1:"Allright, I'm holding on to PC2's shoulder." PC2:"No you aren't." PC1:"Is that your shoulder, PC3 ?" PC3:"Nope." PC1:"That's bad. 'Coz I'm definitely holding on to someones shoulder !" 0821-"We open the door, throw in the dwarf, quickly shut the door, and wait for the screaming to stop. Then we open the door again. What do we see ? ... Dwarves ? How many ? Do they look upset ?" 0822-"Umm, guys? That temple statue's eyes are glowing. Is that bad ?" {It is when you're looting the temple !} 0823-"Big deal. There's eight of us. He's only one priest. And he's not even wearing any armor !" {Some people would have taken that as a hint !} 0824-"We can hear the ocean? But we're in a sewer!" 0825-"Um, just curious. But do doors normally drool?" 0826-"Oh sh*t! Just hold it off for a round while I get my sword out!" 0827-"Ha, this troll will not get up soon." 0828-"Quick! Cover your eyes !" 0829-"What do you mean there was gas inside and liting a torch wasn't such a good idea ?" 0830-"Let a REAL wizard show you how it's done..." 0831-"No one would booby-trap their own closet." 0832-"Ok, I got my arm chopped off. Do I get those points to spend before he swings again ?" 0833-"This cannot be a Death Knight, we're too low level." 0834-"I drink the Slow-Poison-elixir." {Not an elixir to slow down the effects of a poison but a poison that kills you slowly.} 0835-"If you shoot me, I'll drop the light and you'll be lost down here." 0836-"I don't discuss with other PC's which potion to use when I'm unconscious." 0837-"Oh no, mummy, I don't lie down with you in your sarcophagus." 0838-"What archer ?" 0839-"I don't trust you." 0840-"Wait..it's a giant centipede and I have a +4 to my save vs. poison ? I step on it." 0841-"A race that advanced can't possibly be warlike." 0842-"They're only Extras." {Extras == NPCs dedicated to die} 0843-GM:"You found a strange portal." PC:"I look through it." GM:"You see something beyond your wildest imagination." PC:"Okay, How many tentacles does it have ?" {in sarcastic voice} GM:"I don't know, how many tentacles does GREAT CTHULHU have ?" PC:""Er? As many as he wants? Too many?" 0844-"Should they go all outside. I'll just stay here and steal a few things." 0845-"We're working for a stupid computer ?" {from Paranoia} 0846-"No, I haven't seen any invisible assassins lately." 0847-"You know, I'm sick of no-one ever turning around to see what's chasing them." 0848-"I sit on the throne." 0849-"Go and finish my supper, woman. ...oops..., oh, oh no, um...forget it." 0850-"Lynx hit him and didn't draw blood ? START DODGING!!!" 0851-"It's a bad idea to punch out rich people, isn't it ?" 0852-"We're heroes, we don't have to knock." 0853-PC1:"What's our goal ?" PC2:"To be the last ones conscious." 0854-"What was that 'Oops' at the end of your spell ?" 0855-"What do you mean you forgot the Amo ?" 0856-"Cannons to the left, cannons to my right, cannons in front of me, cannons behind me and all I have is this stupid sling." 0857-"You're aiming for his 'WHAT' ?" 0858-"What do you mean I am holding the LAW (light anti-armor(tank) weapon) backwards ?" 0859-PC1:"What does it mean when your bio sensor goes red ?" PC2:"It means you are in a lot of trouble. You should get out of the armor as quick as possible. Why is yours going red ?" PC1:"No, yours is !" PC2:"Oh %&*@ ME" 0860-PC:"You don't need to see my identification." GM:"Which Force power were you using ?" PC:"Er...optimism..." 0861-GM:"The chest explodes. You're blinded." PC:"I use my fingers to feel for gold." 0862-"I stick my finger into the hole in that wall over there." {nothing a PC should ever do -- electricity} 0863-"Do you smell something. Is that gas?" 0864-"Thank God it's finally over!" 0865-"Awwwww, How cute! I bet you wanna play don't ya boy!?" 0866-"He wouldn't hold a grudge." 0867-"Did you leave the door unlocked?" 0868-"Dahmer, Dahmer, that name sounds familiar." 0869-"Quit playin' around guys. It's not funny! .... Guys?" 0870-"I don't believe in fairy tales" 0871-"Whoops. Guess I should have used that healing potion, huh?" 0872-"I didn't know they *made* dragon-sized Rings of Spell Turning !" 0873-"Oh, come on! Psionicists can't split their minds eight times!" 0874-"Ok, I'll visit the enchantress. Does she like men in black leather?" [PC assassin to other PC] 0875-GM:"It's an evil alter." PC:"Ok, I p*ss on it..." 0876-Jeff [PC]: "What does the sign at the dungeon entrance say ?" GM : "Jeff should stay away !" Jeff : "Someone's knowing my name. I rush inside." 0877-"A cyclope throwing boulders from a 30 metres high cliff? That idiot! I'll climb up and kick him..." 0878-"There is a crown on the head of that statue standing in the rooms, which floor is made out of a mirror? I go in and get the crown. ... What do you mean 'You stumble and fall down in the bath of mercury' ???" 0879-"He won't be able to summon a demon THAT quick..." 0880-"Cute little baby dragon. But let's get out of here, before it's mother comes back..." 0881-It's a leap of faith. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." 0882-"Hey, I wanna lead the party!" 0883-"I don't care what my climb bonus is." 0884- Player [to GM]: "Hey, I've got half a pizza here. You can have it if you kill someone before the game's over." 0885-"I thought you said I had *two* mirror images left." 0886-"Nobody tells me what to do." 0887-Druidic PC: "As we ride off, I turn back and fireball the forest to slow down our pursuers !" 0888-"If that's your attitude, you CAN'T kill me!" [to GM] 0889-"I always enjoy killing these things because they're the GM's favourite monster." 0890-"Ogre magi aren't that tough!" 0891-"WOW! Who's that gorgeous naked broad with the bat wings?" 0892-"While the rest of the party is gathering information, I'll just circulate around the room and pick a few pockets." 0893-"I drank what ???" 0894-"What do you mean, my water breathing spell has expired ?" 0895-Player: "Don't worry, Idied last time we played, so the DM won't do it again." 0896-"But I ran away...!!!" 0897-PC1:"I'll just climb over the wall, and open the gate from the inside." PC2:"I'll read the sign on that gate." [while waiting outside] GM :"It reads 'Beware the dogs' !" PC2:"Oops." 0898-PC : "I don't remember the way out of that dungeon anymore." NPC: "Turn to the left side at the end of the tunnel." [such a traitor] 0899-"Who farted ?" [said in the Gas Swamps] 0900-"That's right, I'm going to polymorph into a pergrine falcon and attempt to land on the back of one of the 12 griffons flying above us." 0901-"I think we can take it down." 0902-"Come on, EVERY evil wizard's tomb has a way out!" 0903-"It can't be a beholder, we're only first level!" 0904-"When nobody's looking, I go back to get some more gems." 0905-"What do you mean 'Green slime ain't always green!' ?" 0906-Nah...The games just started....he wouldn't put a fatal death trap in yet." 0907-"Did anyone tell you you had a bad breath?" [said to angry red dragon] 0908-"Hum, a dark unexplored cave ? I get a rock and throw it into it." 0909-"A red WHAT swoops out of the sky at us?" 0910-"Dolphins? I go swimming." 0911-"I'm not going to waste spells on THEM!" 0912-GM:"You find a huge knuckle bone." PC:"I'll use my rod of resurection on it." 0913-"There's only three of them. Watch the one that looks like Death, though." 0914-"Are you hurt, fair lady?" [she wasn't hurt, she was a medusa instead] 0915-"Hmm...how do we know you are the REAL Angel of Death ?" 0916-"What do you mean 'This area is a no-magic-zone' ?" 0917-"Computer, end this program." 0918-"Well, I checked it out, my new transporter configuration cannot have any bugs anymore." 0919-PC: "I shoot my wand up through the holes, from where these elves are firing at us." GM: "You're about to get a quick lesson in Physics..." 0920-GM: "If the monster could laugh at you, it would." 0921-NPC:"Don't come in here! I got my finger on the self-destruct button!" PC :"He's bluffing." 0922-PC:"I'll put my lantern on the altar." GM:"Your lantern explodes." PC:"I'll sit on the altar." 0923-"Well...I'm unconscious. At least nothing can happen to me now." 0924-"I'm sick of firing arrows. I think I'll actually FIGHT this time." 0925-"You mean I lost my +1 sword in the sand pit? I go back and get it." 0926-"Let's get the old mage's body down from the cross and give him a decent burial." 0927-"I pass the time practicing with my Ring of Fire." {said during travel on a wooden boat} 0928-PC1:"I know there's something down here. It's big. But I can't see it." PC2:"Light a match, then, so we can see it." 0929-"No one can order me around !" 0930-"I knew I should have put more points in DEX." 0931-"Hm, what do you mean the voodoo master has a little puppet in his hand that looks a little bit like me." 0932-GM:"You need to save VS. poison or die!" PC:"Whew! I made my save!" GM:"OK, you only take 20hp damage!" PC:"Oops." 0933-"Hey, look at this huge red rubin on top of the dragon's treasure. This one is really beautiful." 0934-PC:"I wanna buy a cyberpig." GM: *sigh* 0935-"ssssssssssss....snore....ssssssssssss...snore..." 0936-"Hey, everyone knows animals don't attack druids. So let me talk to that giant spider." 0937-"He won't hurt me, I'm wearing my magic breastplate." 0938-"Okay, I jump down that cliff and use my robe of flying..." 0939-"I've got the best perception in this party,and I say this bridge IS safe." 0940-"It's you again. Ha, wait some seconds, this time I'll kill you." 0941-"I'm invisible in his back, I can't possibly miss my firebolt." 0942-"This alley is a dead end." 0943-"Hey, I hear your short people." {said to Dwarf caravan-master after he had lost several people in a raid.} 0944-"Ahh, come on, you won't eat me, would you ?!" 0945-"Yeah right...just eat me!" 0946-"If I'm falling down here, I'll be dead." {while climbing a high mountain} 0947-"I'd like to know how these monsters can attack us, they seem to be harmless." 0948-"You won't get a second blow, so you better make your first one count, jackass!" 0949-"Look - I'm a catburglar. I don't need a gun." 0950-"You don't want to know who I am." {trying to hypnotise the city watchmen} 0951-"It's an honour to meet you, sir. I have always been an admirer of the Chinese." {said to the local head of the Yakuza, a Japanese of course.} 0952-"Much will help much." {talking about explosives} 0953-"It's better with too much than too little." {another character talking about explosives} 0954-"We're in a tank. They would need a LAW to hit us." 0955-Player:"I'll be back in half an hour. Take care of my character meanwhile." 0956-"You mean a force field wont break a fall?" 0957-"Nice tits." {nice *royal* one, of course} 0958-I use 'Basic Electronics' to try and stabilize the shield generator." 0959-"Ghosts doesn't exist." 0960-"Ghosts cannot by any chance follow us to this place." 0961-"Okay - I'll spin around, brush away the gun in my back with my elbow and neutralize the guy with the knife with a backwards kick while throwing a shaken at the one with the shotgun." 0962-"5 and 6. That was his last shot. Let's get him!" {forgot the other gun} 0963-Look, I know how to make nitroglyserin!" 0964-"There he blows, cap'n Ahab!" 0965-PC1:"What's the name of the captain of the ship where we hired ?" PC2:"Captain Ahab or something similar." 0966-"Don't worry, nobody dies on the first encounter." 0967-"Okay, I'll drink the shrinking potion and follow the snake down its hole." 0968-NPC:"I'm Gorgol, ruler of the seventh sphere !" PC :"I'm not impressed." 0969-{PCs awake dragon ogre accidently in its cave, dragon ogre grabs one of the PCs} Dragon Ogre:"Are you the chosen one, to wake me up when the world sees its end?" PC: "Well, I'm unshure whether I did fully understand what you said." 0970-"Nothing could posibly survive that." 0971-"Don't worry. We're alone." 0972-"Let's send out scouts." 0973-"What anti-magic shell?" 0974-"Who would put a trap in the fridge?" 0975-"I sneak up, climb up on his back, and stab him in the neck with my sword." {confronted with a huge ogre." 0976-"I'm not a number, I'm a free man!" {number six, prisoner} 0977-"The GM wouldn't dare do that again." 0978-"Let's see if it works, a matador dwarf." 0979-"All that noise we heard and there's only one drow here?" 0980-"Awright! I can cast stoneskin! Now I'm invincible!" 0981-"Been nice knowing you" 0982-"Bow to a demon? Never!" 0983-"But I just got a little prick!" 0984-"Can I try vampiric touch on this giant gelatinous cube ?" 0985-"C'mon guys, it was only a rumor, theres nothing here" 0986-"Come on, how powerful could it possibly be?" 0987-"Damn It, where did I put that slay dragon scroll?" 0988-"Demogoron? Great! Do you know how many exp he's worth?" 0989-"Did he say he had Plate Mail +5? I stop running and fight him!" 0990-"Elminster, you old fart, I thought you were really mad for a minute." 0991-"Featherball! I mean, featherrrr........" 0992-"Follow those lights!" 0993-"Go ahead and drink it." 0994-"Gorgons? OK, everybody hold your breath." 0995-"He's only an ordinary 15th level magic user." 0996-"Hey, do you guys think that this might just be an illusio...(whack)" 0997-"Hey, they're dwarves; me too. I can calm them down." 0998-"Hey Thor! I'll bet if you'll put your hammer down I can take you on!" 0999-"I can use my Psionic powers on this Mindflayer." 1000-"I don't care. I have a Ring of Regeneration." 1001-"I dunno what a tarrasque is, but it can't be TOO tough." 1002-"I open the coffin...SLOWLY." 1003-"I pick the lock on the magic shop window." 1004-"I run down the hallway alone." 1005-"I sneak up to the Lich and pick its pockets." 1006-"I think level draining's only temporary. Keep attacking." 1007-"I throw a rock at the eight-legged lizard to get it's attention." 1008-"I use animal empathy to calm the charging Triceratops." 1009-"I walk into the raiders' camp and ask to use the toilet." 1010-"I want to check out the magic tome." 1011-"I'll steal the 20+ level mage's pouch." 1012-"I'll use the wand of wonder." 1013-"If I were you, Demon, I would sit back down!" 1014-"It can't talk to us like that!" 1015-"It was a joke." 1016-"It was only the wind." 1017-"Just because you can breathe fire doesn't mean you can push *us* around." 1018-a) "Just one more room." b) "Just one more fight." 1019-"My character WANTS to go out in a blaze of glory." 1020-"Of course it's evil, kill it!" 1021-"Oh, please! Vampires have so many weaknesses, you can't help but kill them!" 1022-"Ok, so theres a few more of them" 1023-"Okay, if I max out this round and win initiative next round, maybe..." 1024-"Okay, we'll attack the small boulette first." 1025-"Rakshasas? Quick, break out the poisoned bolts." 1026-"So what, I have the artifact!" 1027-"Take out a Beholder's eyes, and Bingo!" 1028-"Tell me this is an illusion." 1029-"That purple robe really clashes with your burning eyes..." 1030-"The Fire Drake's tracks go into this cavern, let's go in." 1031-"The Hall of Blades? Hey, I've got an 18 dex." 1032-"There's HOW many Githyanki sleeping bunks in this chamber?" 1033-"There's no such thing as a bottomless pit. Everybody knows that." 1034-"Wait! What's deathspell do?" 1035-"They CAN'T have initiative!" 1036-"Wait...Dragons can only breathe fire once per day right?" 1037-"Was that thunder, or were you rolling damage?" 1038-"Well, he's OK, Know Alignment works on anybod..." 1039-"What do mean feather fall wears off?" 1040-"What do you mean, `Your wand ran out of charges.'?" 1041-"What do you mean I turn into a bug?" 1042-"What do you mean my axe bounces off him? What does Stoneskin do anyway?" 1043-"What do you mean, the dragon wakes up?" 1044-"What do you mean, the item's not in my backpack any more?" 1045-"What do you mean, the Wall of Ice vanishes?" 1046-"What's a wild-magic zone?" 1047-"What's your alignment?" 1048-"YO! Grendel! Your momma wears combat boots!" 1049-"You don't get Humanoid 8th level wizards. He's only bluffing" 1050-"You may be the keeper of this stone, but I want this stone." 1051-"What do you mean, the small dragon's big brother looks very angry?" 1052-"You mean it was a GOOD dragon?" 1053-"Garth, you be the anchor. I tie the rope around myself, take the slack [700'] and jump in." 1054-"Hey, it's only a black dragon, a vampire, and a lich.... and we've got a horn of bubbles!" 1055-"How was I to know that that orc would tell the truth about us not wanting to come in here!" 1056-"I'll just fly over the dragon's lair on my pegasus and see if it's still there" 1057-"I'll poke it with my sword.." {pool of green slime...it eats through metal very quickly} 1058-"It's an illusion. No spell can reshape the side of a mountain like that. I disbelieve and walk off the 500' cliff." 1059-"It's just a goblin." {...or a Doppelgaenger caught by the PCs trying to steal the goblns' small hoard of gold and silver} 1060-"Ok, the dragon's asleep. You guys wait back here with bows and stuff. Getafix and I will go up in front of it and cast light on it's eyes to blind him, then we'll blow his brains out with psionics." 1061-"The huge red dragon is flying toward me with his mouth open? Ok, I roll for initiative with my bastard sword." 1062-"The thief is dead, and we got one coffin left to open! I crack it open with my +1 two-handsword" 1063-"What if we drained this fountain that acts as a portal to the elemental plane of water with my bag of holding?" 1064-"You mean this is only an 'invoke elemental' ring ? I can't control the elemental with it?" 1065-"No problem, I have a Staff of Fire!" {during an encounter with Fire demons} 1066-{PC charging dragon} PC : "For Honor, for King, for God." Dragon: "For lunch." 1067-"No, I don't want any help from you fighters, this one's mine!" 1068-"Didn't I kill you yesterday?" 1069-"I guess you guys got THAT BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING !" 1070-"But I've read the instructions..." 1071-"I hope you guys practice birth control." 1072-"I know how to create special effects..." 1073-"Surrender and give me all your money !" 1074-"That's definitely NOT where we should be ..." {right after teleport} 1075-"She won't blame us for frying her owl because we're starving for three days now." {owl was her familiar} 1076-"I told you so..." 1077-"Wheew! That was close." 1078-"Is this supposed to happen?" 1079-"Strange, the phone just went dead." 1080-"Aren't you supposed to upgrade anti-virus shields regularly?" 1081-"Great! We have night goggles and mimicry suits and it is in the dead of night. They'll never see us! What do you mean 'Sssh!'?" 1082-"Ropes? For what? I would have to roll a 1 to fall off this wall..." 1083-Player: "Didn't you say that when the dice come up like this, it's a critical hit?" GM : "Erhm...thank you for reminding me..." 1084-"I'll kick the dud grenade back into the elevator." 1085-DM:"When did you clean your gun the last time?" PC:"I thought they were self-cleaning... What do you mean, *click*?" 1086-"Hopefully he hits me with an E-critical. I need the EP!" 1087-PC: "3 feet long, head 1", tail 2", legs 1". You call that a monster?" DM: "Did I say that it's still twenty miles away?" 1088-"Who wants to live forever... hey, wait!" {sung along with background music} 1089-"Wait, kobolds in PLATEMAIL?" 1090-"A priest of the Halfling Demi-god of Death, is this guy for real?" 1091-"Mushrooms at the end of the corridor? I flame them!" 1092-"Well, I'll heal myself." 1093-"Okay, he shot me, but I'm a healer." {a dead one} 1094-"Wait, I trust this vampire." 1095-PC1: "Well, what are they?" PC2: "Kobolds." {after investigating an ogre camp} 1096-"I tell Strahd that I don't like that arrangement." 1097-"Of course I'm sure that's what I want to do!" 1098-"I wish for the dragon to appear right here!" 1099-"I teleport 2 miles in the air, memorize cone of cold while I'm falling, and then teleport right above the dragon's head and cast it." 1100-"So I can either dodge OR attack. Okay, then I'll attack!" 1101-"I wonder how all the statues got here?" {ever heard of Medusa} 1102-"Free talismans?! Sure, I'll have two." 1103-"Thats just some DM trick to keep us out." 1104-"Why do these candles say T-N-T?" 1105-"All the Tallasquese hibernate this time of year." 1106-"D'Artagnan? Never heard of you. Let's see how you are with that sword of yours." 1107-"Ain't this great!! I lose an arm and this Vecana guy leaves a magic one for me." 1108-"What do you mean my batteries are dead?" 1109-"What optional rule?" 1110-"What do you mean I'm out of Empathy?" 1111-"Why is that guy staring at me, and pointing at my back?" {to tell you about the shadow sneaking up on you} 1112-GM : "You enter the magic forest." PC1: "What do we see?" GM : "Giant Badges." PC2: "Giant Badges? We don't need no stinking giant badges?" GM : "Did I say badges? I meant Badgers, sorry." 1113-"What did you say Mr.Alucard, there's something on my neck? Check for me, would ya?" 1114-"I dodge." {a shotgun fired from a 5 feet distance...} 1115-Player: "This is not fair." GM : "Didn't your mother tell you not to wander in the night alone?" 1116-"No, I didn't say 'GRRROOOOOAAARRRR!', why?" 1117-PC1: "Uh-Oh?!" PC2: "What do you mean 'UH-OH?!'" 1118-"Don't wory guys, I'm immune to fire. Come on you big ugly, pathetic excuse for a dragon, do your worst!" ... "What do you mean black dragons don't breath fire?" 1119-"Damn, that's a lot of fire elementals..." 1120-"I point the wand of wonder at the big stone coffin with all of the wards and protection enchantments on it and say the command word. Hey, why are all of you guys running away?" 1121-"Just to mention it: It was your fault." 1122-"Don't worry about me - I'm fine by myself." 1123-"An AK-20 only has 10 shots." 1124-"Well, a natural 20, critical success, double damage..." {...,wrong system...critical failure} 1125-"Come on, this spell cannot be all this hard to cast." 1126-"This bridge will probably remain for the next 100 years." 1127-"Erm...what was the name of this protection spell I learned lately?" 1128-"You bloody joke of a man are supposed to be an assassin?" 1129-"Just watch and wonder how I manage to ride this horse." 1130-"Which colour did healing potions have...red or green?" 1131-"No, this isn't my first trap to deactivate." 1132-"Beware. This is a magic seal. If you read it..." 1133-"I have the most powerful ship in the galaxy. They wouldn't dare attack me!" 1134-"Ha! You don't have the guts to shoot me!" 1135-"Say, didn't we have FIVE people in our party?" {in a dark cavern, talking to the only other character there} 1136-"What do you mean you forgot your spellbook?" 1137-PC1: "Do you remember that group of trolls whose leader you slayed?" PC2: "Yeah..." PC1: "Well, don't look now but..." 1138-"You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!" 1139-"Orcus WHO?" 1140-"My Magic Resistance will protect me from this Earthquake." {underground} 1141-So I dropped and broke the staff of power, I have another..." 1142-"We've plenty of time until the dragon returns." 1143-"Weapons? I'm a spell-caster..." 1144-NPC: "This is the inquisition." PC : "What's an inquisition?" 1145-"No trap doors in this sectioooooooooooooo*bump*" 1146-"This potion really tastes good." 1147-"Is it true, that crocodiles do exist in this area?" 1148-"Well, the river isn't too deep here." 1149-"Do you think he spotted us?" 1150-"It is better to go now." 1151-"Is this potion supposed to bubble?" 1152-"Did the old man tell us that the trap is to the right or to the left?" 1153-"These mushrooms aren't poisoned." 1154-"Ha. Now your life is in my hands, evil witch." 1155-"Now on to the reward you promised." 1156-"If the tag says 'healing potion', then it IS healing potion!" 1157-"Excuse me, sir. You aren't allowed to carry such heavy weapons in this area." 1158-"Ha, you lost again. You are an awful stupid barbarian." 1159-"Well, watchword?" 1160-"Hey, yellow-skinned idiot, don't hop around but fight like a man." 1161-"Why shouldn't I turn over the next leaf?" 1162-"Watch, no trap, no seal, it's safe." 1163-{PC opens a box, finds a sphere inside, sphere starts ticking.} PC: "I throw away the sphere." ...*boom* {sphere was only the trigger, the box was the bomb} 1164-{PC just being backstabbed} GM: "Do you turn around?" PC: "No, I keep fighting." 1165-"No wonder that you're extinct." {to dinosaur creature} 1166-"What do you mean the vorpal sword didn't kill the dracolich?" 1167-"Yes!!! The wizard is dead. One more round and he would have killed us. What do you mean a Delayed Blast Fireball?" 1168-"I am a Ranger with a 21 Strength. I rip the tree out of the ground and use it as a club." 1169-PC: "Wow! What a good idea to enter this cave now I'm saved." DM: "But it is the cave of a wyvern!" PC: "Oh...now I know what this pet is I just found..." 1170-"At least the fire's out." {said after a very disasterous crash in the group's ship. The engine section of the ship blew up, starting a fire in the back. Two CP's were wounded, but managed to strap in before we crashed into an inland sea. When we awoke, we found that we had sank about 10 feet below the surface of the water, and the hull was leaking.} 1171-"Now where did I put that Thermal Detonator? What's that beeping noise?" 1172-GM : "Something small and roundish clinks down the stairs." PC1: "Grenade! I catch it." PC2: "I catch it." PC3: "I catch it." 1173-PC: "I will cast Ghoul-Touch." GM: "But you do not have any components." PC: "I know..." 1174-GM: "As you enter the cave, you notice it's pitch black and you can't see anything..." PC: "Hmmm...okay...I close my eyes!" 1175-"I avoid the gargoyle, run and drink from the healing fountain." 1176-"Ok...so Narhal's WASN'T the best spell to cast in the inn..." 1177-PC1: "Hey, I hear something very near around this corner. Christian, haven't you got something on the motion tracker ?" PC2: "Don't know, I turned off the motion tracker for saving the battery power for later." 1178-"I did THAT much damage?" {hit another PC by accident} 1179-"Cover me, I'll take out the mages." 1180-"Twelve knights, seven of us? You'd better get more knights..." 1181-"Oops. I think I forgot to surrender" 1182-"No brain, no pain..." {said to NPC} 1183-"Hmm... This thing looks like a radio controlled bomb. I think I better break off its antenna." 1184-"So what? I'm impervious to fire" {he was, but the hand grenades at his belt weren't} 1185-"A wall of pudding? Well, I'll eat through it...What do you mean the pudding bites back?!!" 1186-"I throw my nuclear hand grenade into the next room." 1187-"I hate the god of lightning and thunder." {Standing on a mountaintop, pointing towards heaven with a 20 yards long ironpole in thunder} 1188-"Don't worry, I'll have this door open in just a minute." 1189-"OK, we're in the arena. HOW MANY lions come out of that gate?" 1190-"You can't just leave us here!" {said to party wizard just before he teleported himself out of the trap} 1191-"What do you mean, we can't see where the arrows are coming from?" 1192-"What do you mean, he's still alive?" 1193-"Do you have a problem? If not, a problem can be arranged for you." 1194-"Can we talk this over?" {no} 1195-"Hmm... No weapon, no more spells... I hurl silver pieces at the wererat." 1196-"Wasn't this elevator going up?" 1197-"Finally, he's out of ammo." 1198-"What's the big deal about a guy in dragonarmor?" 1199-"That's odd. *Most* lizardmen don't have wings." 1200-"That's odd. The tracks end here." 1201-"A genie, huh? Gimme my wishes!" 1202-GM: "It blinds you with a jet of acid." PC: "Bah! I locate it by its foul stench!" 1203-{player handles grenade, fumbles, grenade falls to the ground just before the PCs' feet} "Don't worry guys. It's harmless, it's just a neurostun-grenade." 1204-"Hey Gueso, Man you need to take a bath!...Gueso?" {well, it wasn't Gueso...} 1205-"Since these Ogres are under a sleep spell we don't need to kill them." 1206-"I try to jump up and pull the helmet off of the Paladin." 1207-"They've only got maces, how are they going to hurt us?" 1208-PC1: "Climb the tower. If you fall, I'll catch you !" PC2: "Ok." 1209-"Which side is the business side of this weapon?" 1210-"I'm going to hide behind the door in such a way that I can hit him, but that he cannot hit me." 1211-"Wait! I'm a good spider!" {after being polymorphed into a giant spider} 1212-GM: "You see an island on the horizon." PC: "I leap over the side of the ship and swim to it." {...in full plate mail} 1213-PC1: "Look over there is a crystal skull." PC2: "I run over, take my gloves off and pick the skull up." 1214-"What does 'enimity' mean?" {said after drawing the "Enimity between you and a devil card in a Deck of Many Things} 1215-"20,000 gold pieces!! I put it in my backpack and run before the guard wakes." {moving is not too easy with such an encumberance} 1216-"Naw! Can't be! Assassins always wear black!" 1217-"Well, first a hills giant, then a fire giant, and after that, a clouds giant. There can't be Storm giant, it'll be too obvious, Ok, the exit is there, I feel it, let's not rest, and move on..." 1218-"You killed all my friends ! Prepare to face my ... FUMBLE!!!!" 1219-"Let's follow the trail!" 1220-"He couldn't possibly have any spell left!" 1221-"That dragon is too young to breathe fire." 1222-"Don't worry- the dragon has used all of it's breath weapons for today!" 1223-"Awe, look at the cute little fuzzy thing!" 1224-"Don't worry, we can outrun it!" 1225-"Why are those two triangles on the ground like that?" {pentagram} 1226-"Hey guys, wanna play a trick on the mage?" 1227-"What do you mean it's too late?" 1228-a)"But aren't you my friend?" b) "But I thought you were my friend!" 1229-"Why do you insist upon looking at my character sheet?" 1230-"I peek around the corner... but not enough to expose my whole head... just enough for me to see with my good eye." 1231-"I don't think he had a flame thrower. Hold on, let me check." 1232-"In the name of Tyr, I command you begone foul lich!" {said by overzealous first level cleric} 1233-"What do you mean my DEX bonus does not apply?" 1234-"Oh boy! Kudar is back!" {Kudar is the hero of the party... or was until he met the doppelganger!} 1235-"Don't worry, I removed all the bullets from his gun while he was sleeping." {he reloaded it} 1236-"But it's only a little kid!" 1237-PC1: "What do you mean my sword breaks?" PC2: "Don't worry, I have another one... now where did I put it?" 1238-"So that's what a Tarrasque looks like!" 1239-"I wonder who's holding that light over there." 1240-{party consists of 4 PCs} PC1: "Hand me the lantern" PC2: "I don't have it... Mark does" PC3: "No I don't... Joe does" PC4: "I'm not the one holding it" 1241-"Who knows how to stop a fireball?" 1242-"Why are you guys smiling like that?" 1243-"Hi. Mabye you can help me. I am looking for the thieve's guild..." 1244-"OK guys, here's the plan: In this movie I saw last week..." 1245-"Awe, he's drunk! He wouldn't know if I picked his pocket or his nose!" 1246-"Hey, I was talking to her first!" 1247-PC1: "Mike, are you Hindu?" PC2: "No, why?" PC3: "Because there is a red dot on your forehead!" 1248-"What do you mean my globe of invulnerability runs out?" 1249-"What do you mean my fly spell runs out?" 1250-PC1: "Shut up! You are just a silver. We wanted to talk to a GOLD dragon, at least!" PC2: "Umm, he doesn't look silver, guys." PC3: "Umm, how many metals look like silver but aren't?" PC2: "One. Plat..." 1251-"Trust me, shambling mounds hate lightning." 1252-{small green leathery creature falls from the roof and wraps itself around PC1's face} PC1: "Aarrgghh!" PC2: "Quick...I think I've read about these...they're highly vulnerable to fire!" PC3: {carrying torch} "OKAY!" {places flaming torch against PC1's face} PC1: "Aarrgghh!" {creature dies...PC1 suffering from wounds and burns to the face ... PC1's hair catches fire} PC2: "Quick...Jump in the fountain!" {acid} 1253-PC1: "I fireball the Gnolls." Player2: "Noooooo!" {player2 just lost his character. His new one was to be introduced as the prisoner of the Gnolls, but only the player and GM knew that. It was the shortest lived character I've ever seen.} 1254-PC1: "We smell gas? Joe! Don't cast any fire spells! Now, what did I just tell you?" PC2: "Don't cast any fire spells." PC1: "Good." {5 minutes playing later} PC2: "Goblins? I cast burning hands." 1255-"We'll leave Craig at the farmhouse so he can recover." 1256-GM: "The guard's bullets are riddling the Van." PC: "The Briefcase! It's full of plastic explosives! I set the timer, throw it out the window and tell Dave to floor it." GM: "How long do you set the timer for?" PC: "Uhh, three seconds." 1257-"Oh no, I forgot to take my parachute..." 1258-"Well, sorry, sir. Didn't mean to hit your wife..." 1259-"Is it possible to pat these beasties?" 1260-"No need for health potions to fight a dragon!" 1261-(with an authoritative voice) : "Get out of here, hands over your head, you bast..." 1262-(slightly worried) : "Didn't you lock the car door a few minutes ago?" 1263-"And I say to you that you're gonna let me go out of this hospital!" 1264-"Hi, guys! I'm a bounty hunter too, just like you. And now, tell me who pays you to hunt these people?" 1265-"I don't care about your damned team spirit. I don't care about your damned discretion imperatives!" 1266-"Whaddayawant? What's wrong with my face?" 1267-"Repeating crossbows do not exist!" 1268-"Lets screw up all of her stuff!" 1269-"Last time I went left, it was a mistake... I go left again!" (vacuum trap) 1270-PC: "I carefully slide along the 3 inch wide ledge facing the wall." DM: "After about 20 feet you see a door in the wall." PC: "I open it." DM: "You open It?" PC: "Yeah." (door opened out) 1271- GM (to player): "OK - You may now begin to laugh maniacally." 1272-"I turn myself into water and escape prison by flowing under the door of my cell... What do you mean casting time is five years?!" (fumble during spell creation) 1273-"I jump into the room and cast a fire ball at the first enemy I see." (He saw none, enemy hid behind the door.) 1274-GM: "You should listen to my warnings." PC: "Never ever!" 1275-"Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeessssss!" (voice from a walky-talky while party was sneaking in enemy camp) 1276-"I hear a beeping sound behind the wall? Well, I jump into the next room." 1277-"I am invisible and silent. I sneak up to that statue." (the statue with 'detect life' aura) 1278-"I pick the sleeping barbarian's pocket." (success) "Only thirty sea-shells?! Well, I put'em back... what do you mean I failed my Observation roll???" 1279-"Go ahead. You have the first strike!" 1280-(one of the PCs being possessed by a Demon) PC: "Maybe we should kill and later ressurect him..." 1281-"I shall subdue him with a glance from my 'Evil Eye'." 1282-"Please, I have 16 Dex, I don't need magical aids for this one." 1283-"This die is cursed. Just throw me over that damn bridge." (said to a VERY dumb barbarian who didn't recognize sarcasm.) 1284-"DAMN! We got only time for one spell mage, that dragon better not win iniatiative!" 1285-"I don't trust you! I know you are Chaotic Evil, I am NOT going to leave this room as you suggest!" (case of false knowledge, room collapsed) 1286-PC: "Well, I may have stone hands now, but at least I survived." GM: "Didn't I tell you? That fireball took damage from you too." 1287-"Of course we're alert! We're always expecting attack!" 1288-PC to another PC: "What is your problem? Paladins are cool." (1st time Ravenloft player) 1289-"What? Hill giants? Since when do hill giants live in caves?" 1290-"We're lighthouse inspectors" (said to a cultist guard at their hq, an abandoned lighthouse) 1291-"Deep ones croak when they move, they can't sneak up on..." as a spear pinned the pc's arm to the wall 1292-"The King in Yellow...(failed mythos role)...He'll help us!" 1293-"I shoot at the boat with my tommy gun..." from the pier, the boat was filled with munitions and explosives 1294-GM: "He's standing in the middle of the road, shooting at you." PC: "OK, I ram him with my car." GM (grinning): "He's climbing up the hood, tearing handholds into the hood with his bare hands." PC: "I hit the brakes and run him over..." 1295-PC: "I shoot the giant sea monster with the harpoon gun." GM: "The spear connects, and the rope reels out into the lake. What is the rope tied to?" PC: "The car, It won't get far." GM: "You're right, it's (the car) being pulled into the lake" PC: "But I'm between the car and the..." 1296-PC (to vampire): "Ya wanna go to the beach, work on the tan?" 1297-"Your passport, please?!" 1298-"Sir, you are not allowed to enter this area." 1299-"You and what army?" 1300-"If you were as smart as you think you are, you wouldn't be a cop." 1301-PC1: "Hey, a door. Why don't you knock?" PC2: "OK!" 1302-GM: "Okay, as you finish off the guards you watch the (evil) priests finish their ceremony, and a *big* demon appears in the middle of their circle." PC1: "Okay, I fire at the nearest (evil) priest. (Firing)." PC2 (Priest): "Now those priests weren't the only thing to hold back that *big* demon - were they?" 1303-GM: "Right then, after you've killed that strange monster (mutated rat), you rest... After a while you hear steps round the corner further down the corridor... And yes it is Rob-O-COP, only trouble is he got his pal Ed-209 with him, what do you do?" PC1: "Well if we use the grenade launcher, we can afford to miss by a couple of meters - I say we go for it with the launcher." PC2: "Right I'll use this grenade (from a box of unmarked grenades). I have time to aim right? Allright with the aim I have a better chance of hitting right? (Aiming then firing)." GM: "Right what you see is this: the TacNuke grenade you just launched hits its target, and your spirits are lifted a microsecond until you're vaporized along with everything within 240 meters." 1304-PC1: "Oh, you're saying that with this thought controlled plasma thrower all I have to do is point like this (pointing at PC2) and say 'Fire'." FOOOOMM. 1305-PC1: (to mission leader at HQ) "But with this map I can't lead them (the other players) into an ambush." Other Players: "TRAITOR!!!!" ZAP ZAP ZAP. 1306-PC1: (While using belt which generates a force field a round his body) "I fire my laser!" GM: "You *fire* your laser???" PC1: "Yes!" GM: "Wow you're in luck! You see your shot leaving the barrel and then approximately one inch from the barrel it ricochettes round until it hits your chest...And nothing happens. PC1: "I fire again!" 1307-PC2: "Right then we'd better use the DocBot" (on PC1). DocBot: (Ex-minesweeping bot) "Fine. I'll just check for internal injuries." (Opens PC1) "dum da dee...hmm LOOK OUT GRENADE!!!" (rips out vital organs while throwing them to a safe distance from the PC's). 1308-"Ohh never mind that, that's just a rabbit." 1309-"Well I know we've been there before, but what's the probability of them counting on us striking there again?" 1310-"Well I know we've been there twice before, but what's the probability of them counting on us striking there again?" 1311-PC1: "Allright I booby-trap my home in case the bad guys come to seek me out. And then I leave for the rendez-vouz with the other players." Other PC's: "We'll go to PC1's place in case he's still at home." 1312-(in Starwars) "I jump over the grenade and I use the Force." 1313-"I fall to the floor and I feign death." 1314-"The followers of Humakt can't resurrect, I know." 1315-"We try to dodge the stampede of the droids." 1316-"It's very curious. Your pet was able to find you under two or three meters of snow when he is in vacc-suit." "Yes, very curious..." BOOOOOM! (typical imperial cyborg pet with self-destruction device, acting as a spy) 1317-"The monster must kill my fellows to reach me. I will kill him before with my 9 mm gun." 1318-"No! Not another ghost!" 1319-"I don't want to hurt you." 1320-"So, how are chances for a double fumble..." 1321-"I avoid the gargoyle, run and drink from the healing fountain" (the water was healing, but the gargoyle not) 1322-"Please, can you repeat for me the magic words?" 1323-"It's a Nyarlathotep statue, huh? I touch his trunk." 1324-"A cthonian? Wait until I get the thompson and you'll see how long he lives." 1325-"I only have one hit point left. I go back, right?" 1326-"He failed with a 31? Ha, ha!. What a clumsy guy!" 1327-"Give me your beer." 1328-"I think we have finished them." 1329-"I have just deactivated the trap." 1330-"Don't worry, this gas isn't poisonous." 1331-"Cause we have finished yet, I go to take away my armour." 1332-"Well, my WISH is to become [any inanimate object]." 1333-"I bet the bridge resists." 1334-"I don't think things can become any worse." 1335-"Evidently I trust in the thief, he's one of ours, or not?" 1336-"What's the meaning of this mark in the door?" 1337-"Really, we don't need a cleric." 1338-"This dungeon is not dangerous." 1339-"Why the flame of this torch has turned to blue?" 1340-"No, I'm not reading the adventure, I'm only looking at the drawings!" 1341-"I approach to the lich and I try to put my hand in his pocket." 1342-"This door wasn't trapped the last time we came here." 1343-"Brak? What a name for a barbarian!" 1344-"I don't need to read the instructions." 1345-"This site appears to be good for encampment." 1346-"Here they won't find me." 1347-"With a 3 I pass the saving throw?" 1348-"Push first the red button and then the blue button. No, wait...!" 1349-"What is that noise like running water?" 1350-"I have never seen before a balista. How does it work?" 1351-"Hey, you who are inside! Go out and fight like men!" 1352-"I'm a cleric! I can take care of all the undead!" 1353-"We're lucky, a demon prince! If we kill him we got a lot of experience and treasure!" 1354-"This looks like some class of mold." 1355- "I'm sure I saw a scorpion run into this cell, let's search for it!" 1356-"What do you mean 'Turned to stone'?" 1357-"Lions are only active at night, aren't they?" 1358-"Shhhhh!!! it's asleep!" 1359-"What? can't I use my acrobatic skills to dodge?" (thief in Studded leather armor trying to dodge an elder red dragon's breath weapon) 1360-"I'm here to replace you at this post..." (elven PC in evil Human NPC's castle who only has human guards) 1361-"Hey, cast a detect magic for me will ya." (to a mad mage) 1362-"What are magi-tech armors?" 1363-GM: (to a player who is falling asleep) "Matt, are you asleep? No, okay. You hear the whine of a jet turbine engine." PC: "Huh? What? Banshee? Who's got a fucking Banshee!!?? Where did the Banshee come from??!!" 1364-"Ok, He Hits Me. How Much Damage Do I Take? Whaddya Mean 'You Need More Dice'??" 1365-PC: "I'll open the chest." Rest of Party: "DUCK!!" PC: "That's not a duck that's a giant crossbow bo..." 1366-"I sneak out the backdoor!" (none found) 1367-"I hide in the clearing!" 1368-"I stick my staff into the crocodile`s mouth, so it cannot close it!" 1369-"Can't my familiar save me?" 1370-Party of four crawling one by one through a very narrow tunnel. Lead character says: "What if a Lightning Bolt hits us from ahead right now?" 1371-PC has just totally missed a tumbling check when trying a volt OVER a gargoyle blocking his way past a ditch. He lands face first in the muddy ditch. PC: (looks around) "What happened to the gargoyle?" DM: "Err... outta sight, but there`s a HUGE crocodile heading your way from the north of the ditch!" PC: "I play dead!" 1372-PC: "I wish I was DEAD!" (didn't know he owned a ring of three wishes) 1373-"What do you mean 'Everybody get out - he goes berzerk'?" 1374-"What do you mean 'It's ticking'?" 1375-"'Demon King', huh? That doesn't impress me. Mankind's power has advanced in the many many years you've been imprisoned. And now I, the great Archmage of Zok, will show you what magic is really all about." 1376-"Clear your mind, clear the mind, and nothing will defeat you." 1377-"This underground town is boring. I return to the maze and look at the last door we didn't open." 1378-".., five, six, seven, eight...erm, last time I counted, we were only five." 1379-"For heaven's sake. Our scouts return." (well, they weren't 'our's) 1380-"I cast Detect Magic!" (priest who stood afront of his good) 1381-"Damn computer!" (in Paranoia) 1382-"No don't interfere, I've got her right where she wants me." 1383-"I'm the best at what I do and what I do is a very nice." 1384-"What's that annoying chanting? We're in the middle of a duel here!" 1385-"I'll distract the dragon!" 1386-"I thought since we were first level, the guards would be first level, too." 1387-PC: "I'm going to pick the barmaid's pockets." DM: "You fail and she starts screaming." PC: "Damn. I attack her. Chris, Sean, help me. Sean, you are a 12th level paladin, aren't you? Get out your long sword +3. We can kill her." 1388-"I will fight alone against the outlaw chief." 1389-PC: "We can not loose, we use APDS ammunition!" GM: "Right, but this time your enemies have it, too!" 1390-"What do you mean we're in Blasted Lands?!" 1391-PC1: "The DM wants to try that new 'Ravenloft' campaign seting.." PC2: "Yeah, when I said that I wanted to play a Paladin he just looked at me and smiled..." 1392-"What can they possibly do from that distance?" (only his smoking boots were found) 1393-"I throw my torch down the pit." (oil pit) 1394-"Where did the door go?" 1395-"Smuurph...that guy talks with a lisp." 1396-PC1: "I thought I saw a glint over there in those trees..." PC2: "Don't bother to wake the party." 1397-"Hey - is *this* a mandrake root?" (pull) 1398-"Nope, I didn't bring any of my party with me." 1399-"I did this exact same thing first level." 1400-"Wow.. she's pretty hot.." 1401-"Now you're gonna get it! Okay, who stole my dagger?" 1402-PC1: "Come on, we should have this wand identified. It won't cost that much." PC2: "We dont have any money! Just say the words writen on it, and lets see what happenes." 1403-"Oh, don't worry, this Doppleganger is different from the last one. Look at him, the old one didnt have a beard." 1404-"Oh look! A Nymph!" 1405-"Don't be silly, 'Evenresh# does not mean beware, it means 'Welcome'!" 1406-"Oh, Archers are wimps. You think you are so tough, come down out of that tree I'll show..." 1407-"Ok, so I lied. Maybe 5th level healer was alittle bit of an exaggeration... Well, cure light wounds is a pretty diffiuclt spell..." 1408-"No risk, no fun." 1409-"We don't negotiate with terrorists!" 1410-"You can't kill me because I've got a magic aaargh." 1411-(In a magic shapeshifting duel:) PC :"You said no dragons!" NPC:"But I didn't say anything about no PURPLE dragons!" 1412-"I'm not gonna hit a woman!" 1413-NPC (Oracle): "Pose your questions, mortals." PC: "OK...: Asphinctersayswhat?" 1414-"Whew, for a moment there I thought that troll got me." {think again} 1415-"A little old lady armed with a frying pan? Easy!" {Not in the Discworld MUD} 1416-"I barred the door. The beast will never get past it." 1417-"How funny, four goblins for everybody." 1418-"I have an endless supply." 1419-"Hah! There's no such thing as a 10-year-old warrior!" 1420- "TWENTY again? Just how many sides do your dice have?" 1421- "Aw, come on, I've just gone second level." 1422-"Oh yeah ? Well, *I* can cast fireballs too!" 1423-"Cacodemon... where did I hear that name?" 1424-"Left or right? Oh, I don't care anyway, just let's get to it... left. No, right!" 1425-"Damn, it's getting hot in here. By the way, what's that smell?" 1426-"The lever releases WHAT? The whole ceiling?" 1427-"I *did* say 'featherfall', *not* 'leatherfall'." 1428-"I tell him to say 'Hastur Hastur'." 1429-"I hear 'click, click'? Hey, he must be out of ammmo ! I stop running and come back to get him!" (The guy was reloading his shotgun...) 1430-"I'm fed up with getting blasted all the time. From now on I'll be in the rear." 1431-PC: "Hey, he can't have been a bloody hunter! His aura looked like a Kindred's!" GM: 1432-PC: "Well, I try to stake him. After all, he can't have that high a Fortitude score..." 1433-"But you didn't tell me you were Sabbat before..." 1434-"N-U-C-L-E-A-R M-E-D-I-C-I-N-E. Not Clear Medicine in the old tounge. See the glowing stones? It must be wild magic healing." 1435-"Where I come from we rape our women." 1436-"Oh, an Orc patrol. Let's ask them for help!" 1437-Pilot reading a message on the display panel on a ship: "Hmm..Self-destruct sequence activated? 15 seconds to detonation? You know, this reminds me of the time......"(boom) 1438-"I'm sure Marek will be here soon." (referring to the party's 20th level fighter) 1439-PC: "Asomodeus huh? You don't scare us! - Right guys?...Guys??" 1440-"What kind of sicko sends a party up against Demogorgon, Asomedeus and Baalzebul on the one adventure??" 1441-"How come we never get to fight dragons?" 1442-NPC (Town Watch Captain): "What do you think you're doing?" PC (Thief): "I was just going...(DM shakes head)..Or maybe not" 1443-"Naked chicks, COOL!! But whats with the bat wings??" 1444-"The dragon's got HOW MANY heads?!" 1445-"I know you're busy running the Abyss and all, so I'll call round later." 1446-"Death ensues - What the hell does death ensues mean??" (First usage of DMs now favourite phrase) 1447-"You're making this up as you go aren't ya?!" 1448-DM: "You see a strange beast made from the mismatched parts of other bodies" PC: "So we're fighting Michael Jackson??" 1449-"Okay, so why does this guy have a pool of acid in his sun room again?" 1450-"Nuclear warfare? Never heard of it!" (PC teleported to the 20th C) 1451-PC (driving a submarine): "Okay, so there's only one island in all of Waterworld, and I just hit it?" 1452-PC (shortly after finding Deck of Many Things): "Name of the game is five card stud." 1453-"So there's an army of orcs outside, and the castle's burning down. Pizza break!" 1454-"Explain to me again why the pegasi flew into the Red Dragon's lair??" 1455-"I vomit on the table, then he will not like to have dinner with me any longer and let me go." 1456-"I shoot the gaz tank (50000 liters) with my plasma rifle so that nobody else can use it..." 1457-PC1: " I take out the nitroglycerin and sprinkle it over the driver." PC2 howls in rage as the explosive spalshes over the car burning him badly. GM: "The car now out of control smashes through the mall window and into a ornimental tree.... KABOOOM!" 1458-"Gee. I didn't know that giant spider webs were flamable." 1459-"You guys find the Prince, I'll keep these guys busy!" 1460-GM: "Do you remember the ED-209 from the movie Robo-Cop?" PC: "Yes, WHY?" GM: "Here's his big brother." 1461-"I can't believe that I'm being beaten up by a woman!" 1462-"Lets split up, we'll search the dungeon much faster that way." 1463-"I'm sure I bought a helmet." 1464-"Basilisks have to bite you to turn you to stone, stupid!" 1465-GM: "What's your scret society, citizen?" PC: "Umm, Death Leopard." GM: "Next." 1466-"How hard can it be?" 1467-PC (to an evil mage) "I'm so hungry, could you make me something to eat?" Mage: "Sure." (character turns into a platter of turkey) 1468-"I thought the giant crocodile had thirTEEN hit points!" 1469-Knight: "Death before Dishonor!" Deamon: "Okay!" 1470-"6 on 6D6 - that surely means that I just did not hit, doesn't it?" 1471-"Ahhh, and what stands ATR for?" 1472-"Well, what little damage can be done with a Katana..." 1473-"Nah, these gang members cannot afford heavy weaponry!" 1474-"Alright, I'll cast featherfall and jump off the cliff!...HOW far down?!" 1475-"If I roll a "1" , we're really in the s**t." 1476-"I have a very bad feeling about this..." 1477-PC: "The king is stupid!" GM: "Stupid or not he's standing two feet behind you and there's nothing wrong with his hearing." 1478-"I call this adding insult to injury!!" (Player asked to lend the DM some more dice as she "didn't have enough for your damage") 1479-"Trust me on this, there's nobody inside Lloth's temple so I'll just kick the door open..." 1480-"This must be the mage! Dragons cannot cast spells!" 1481-"I will distract the beast by flying about afront of its face." 1482-"Would it have made any difference that my sword is called 'Stone Splitter'?" (after a lethal fight with a stone golem) 1483-"Okay, I throw the potion of Dragon Control into the dragon's maw!" 1484-"I'm the battle-bard." 1485-"Hey, look at my new sword..." (never show items around you don't know who possessed them before) 1486-"What do you mean 'Are you sure it'll work?' ? It's my idea, it MUST work." 1487-"Okay, let's kill the biggest.....the other'll surely flee anyway." 1488-"Oh, of course we promise not to attack you if you untie us." 1489-"Let's camp here for tonight." 1490-"The bad guy's dead, but we still haven't explored all of the castle. I say we keep exploring to see if we missed any treasure." 1491-"05% chance, eh? Hmmm... Guess two 0's isn't gonna do it..." 1492-DM: "What do you mean you break the wand?!?!" PC: "Well, I already cast protection from lightning... That'll stop it... right...?" 1493-"Lucky that Drow High Priestess didn't check my Bag of Holding. I've still got those spiders we killed there." (Drow had just left them) 1494-"I don't care about any damned gas. I've got a +6 modifier to any saving throw against poisonous gasses. I'll light another torch and move on!" (boom) 1495-"Didn't you say there was only ONE Pit Feind there?" 1496-"A wooden handle in the wall. Hmm... I'll give it a yank." 1497-"There is NO such thing as an ICE GOLEM..." 1498-"NO! I said the RED wire, you colourblind IDIOT!!!" 1499-"So you're into S&M aren't you?" (PC confronted by Talona, the Lady of Pain) 1500-"Look. I'm an ILLUSIONIST, am I not??? I KNOW what is and what is not an illusion!" 1501-"That dragon must have been dead for CENTURIES! Look, there's only the skeleton of it left." 1502-(PC confronted by Khelben "Blackstaff" Arunson. Lord Mage of Waterdeep): "Does that white streak in your beard mean you're a skunk?" 1503-"Oh what a cute monkey! Can I pet it?" 1504-"What are you going to do, copper? Arrest me?" 1505-"I don't need to pay good money for a guide to a lousy airport!" 1506-"Oooo! Treasure! I didn't know Call of Cthulhu had treasure!" 1507-"So... are these statues or what?" (tapping one of four earth elementals on the shoulder) 1508-"Who stole my ammunition?" 1509-"He comes... (two rounds silence) ...from the right!!!" 1510-"We'll wait to attack the rocker gang until their number is a match to us." 1511-"Guys, I simply forgot to note down the spell description." 1512-"I'll sneak with my lighted lamp. I don't have Night Vision." 1513-"56? In the Head?" 1514-"Your beard looks like the hairy ass of an ogre." (said to a dwarf) 1515-PC: "Wow, all the con troupers are dead and we are still alive! Nice and easy. There wasn't a dragon on this island after all, or we would have seen it by now! i leave the building." GM: "You look up and see a big dragon approaching through the air while casting a force 10 Manaball at you..." PC: "Shit, I knew we should have dropped the bombs into that stupid lake instead of on the buildings..." 1516-"After we have defeated all the golems I go and touch the cursed statue again. No magic trap will activate twice!" 1517-"The guy is firing a phosphor grenade straight at me? Uh oh, I don't know Physical Barrier... I cast a Fireball at the grenate, it should be easily flammable...!" 1518-"What do you mean 'You see something small bounce down the stairs above you...'??" 1519-"'Plink?!?'" 1520-PC (druid): "I call down lightning from the heavens on the evil demon- possessed druid! Die, traitor!" GM: "It bounces harmlessly off." PC: "WHAT? Come on, I wish to see this spell work only once." GM: "He goes on chanting and waving his arms and calls down lighning ON YOU! Did you cast Protection from Lighning on yourself?" PC "Arrg." 1521-"My blessed magical throwing hammer has imbedded itself in the wall? I run into the collapsing cave and pry it out of the stones!" 1522-"No effect? I shoot at the Earth Elemental again." 1523-"I throw the sticks of dynamite into the great arc of electricity to create a diversion so that we may flee!" 1524-GM: "The enemy aims with his rocket launcher at you!" PC: "He is aiming at me?" GM: "A rocket is fired towards you." PC: "A rocket is fired towards me?" GM: "The rocket heads directly at you and comes nearer and nearer!!!" PC: "It comes flying at ME?" GM: "No. It's there!" BOOOOM 1525-"Hah, both of us know that you cannot shoot me right here in the park in front of all those people." 1526-"I think I'll share some of my rations with the bear." 1527-"What do you mean you forgot to close the warp-gate?" 1528-"Geez... that guy looks mad now. Can I un-cast that fireball?" 1529-"Hey wait, I got an idea. We'll wait until the sun goes down and then we can sneak in!" (Preparing to infiltrate a Drow dwelling) 1530- PC1: "Great, now we're lost. How are we ever gonna' get out of here?" PC2: "Don't worry I've been leaving behind a trail of gold pieces for us to follow." PC1: "Then you mean all this gold I've been collecting was...." 1531-PC: "Give yourself up! You already used all six of your bullets, I counted them." Gunslinger: "Oh, is that so?" Player steps out from behind a boulder. PC: "The first one hit this rock in front of me, the second, third, and fourth bullets all hit the ground before me, the fifth bullet went over my head and ricocheted hitting the wall, and the sixth bullet hit the wall...wait a minute.." 1532-GM: "The Water Dragon attacks your boat and knocks you all overboard." PC (Floating in the water with his companions): "I cast lightning bolt." 1533-PC1: "Look, I found a ring of determination!" (puts it on) PC2: "Ring of what? Let me take a look at that." (grabs his hand) PC1: "You idiot, that's a ring of deterioration not determination." 1534-"What do you mean, the sword shattered!?" 1535-"Just leave everything to me." 1536-"There's no way he could possibly summon that many demons. I think he's bluffing." 1537-"The assassin is climbing down a rope on the side of the building? Ok, I leap off the building and try to tackle him on the way down." 1538-"A tentacle has wrapped itself around my arm? I transmute that arm into molten rock." (You give a pc god-like powers and they forget that they aren't resistant to heat...) 1539-PC1: "Hmmmm, seems like giant insects..." PC2: "Probably only normal bugs that were subjects to an apprentice's ENLARGE spell." 1540-"Hey, he only has a knife and we are three veteran-warriors." 1541-"I read the book as I drive the car." 1542-"How much cover does a mountain provide?" 1543-"No, Mr. Troll, we're only illusions." 1544-"I lock myself in the bank vault so when the villain comes to steal I'll be there to catch him." 1545-"Well... one torso more or one torso less..." 1546-"But how, three-meter spiders don't exist." 1547-"I think... that... the anti-matter leak... was my fault." 1548-"While the rest are fighting I'll sneak into the [pause..look around] professionally guarded and fortified aaarrrgghhh." 1549-"Hey... It's only a little old man holding a pair of chopsticks." 1550-"I know what this is - it's a telescope! You hold it up to your eye and turn this..." (It was a lightsaber) 1551-"This suit of full plate is making too much noise. I better take it off." 1552-"Is this green stuff on the floor Jell-O?" 1553-"Four inches tall, blue, wearing white pants and hats, with fangs? Where did the vampiric Smurfs come from?" 1554-"Creatures following us, and a funny smell? I'll cast fireball on them anyway. That should kill them." 1555-"I refuse. Trolls stink when they burn." 1556-"What are you going to drink? Blood?" 1557-(PCs have just entered a cave filled with orcs. They were hiding behind a large stone and had not been spotted): PC1 (a paladin): "The entire place is filled with orcs!" PC2 (a knight): "Let's charge them. I want those XP's!" PC1: "NO wait, we can't charge them. We do not know if they are evil. My God would forbid this instantly!" PC2: "Okay" (stepping out from behind the stone and shouts) "ARE YOU EVIL???" 1558-"Didn't you say there was only ONE demon here???" 1559-"I wonder who the fellow with the black armour among the Storm Troopers is. I'll use the Force to find out." 1560-"What do you mean 'The large shadow in front of me is MOVING.'" 1561-"My magic shield will hold on forever against these arrows, won't it?" 1561-Party read an incantation falsely, which summoned a Balrog: Mage: "I read the incantation again. Maybe if we summon another Balrog, it'll fight the other one." 1562-"Bible bombs?!" said by the Champions character Blaster after having been handed one. 1563-"Let me get this straight. You left the villain where?" said after defeating a villain and having a compatriot rush him to the hospital. 1564-"I dive on the grenade and roll it under the car." 1565-"My ships attack into Arachnid territory and start shooting anything that moves." 1566-"Of course I'm lawful." 1567-"He had a gun, too???" 1568-"I still have my second hand." 1569-"Why isn't he fighting me?" 1570-"You're a nice doggy." 1571-"What are this wires for?" 1572-"May I speak with your boss?" 1573-"Let me see! I have never seen a REAL bomb!" 1574-"Man, that was damn close!" 1575-"Think of the reputation!" 1576-GM: "They don't want to kill you. They are using Taser." PC (panically): "Taser?!?" GM: "Yes, they hit... your back pack." PC: "Aaaaarrgghhhh." GM: "What do you mean 'Aaaaarrgghhhh'?" PC: "It contains C-4." 1577-PC: "Stupid thief, I've got a HUNDRED percent chance of finding traps." PC: (to DM) "I smash in the door." 1578-"Hey, let's just save arrows." 1579-"I don't care if you're Poseidon." 1580-"I'm a cyborg and he's just got a little automatic pistol" 1581-"I know I'm driving fast, but my control roll will still be at 85%." 1582-"What'd'ya mean actions have consequences? This is just a game isn't it?" 1583-Bad Guy: "I sense a great power nearby." PC: "Hey, It's not me! I'm just a novice wizard." Bad Guy: "Oh, really?" ZOT! 1584-GM: "Don't even bother with the saving throw." 1585-Vikings: "Tell me Goti, is the captain, Wulfgar bad luck to travel with?" Goti: "Of course not." 1586-PC1: "Cool, now that the trolls are dead I hack them into tiny pieces in a frenzy." PC2: "And I'll make camp. We'll stay here till the morning." 1587-"What does 'Environmental Hazard' mean?" 1588-"Such an unholy creature can't defeat us!" 1589-"What's the name of that demon? Azariel, or Aramoth? Or Azgaroth? That's it! Azgaroth! ... Hey! Aaaaaaaaaarrgh...." 1590-GM: "You spot an invisible enmy sneaking at you." PC: "I act like I didn't spot it." 1591-"I hope he knows no big spells." 1592-"Hey, guys we'll have mushrooms for lunch." 1593-"Are you sure there's no electricity in it?" 1594-"Would you mind throwing that knife over here?" 1595-"Are you sure it's fresh?" 1596-"I do not believe in the god of lightning!" (shouted ontop of a hill during a raging storm in anger of travel difficulties) 1597-"I wonder where that portal leads to?" 1598-Ding! Dong! PC: "Anyone ordered pizza?" 1599-"These fruits taste really good." 1600-PC1 (who has missed last session) : "What did you do last month?" PC2: "We met HASTUR." PC1: "Who is HASTUR?" GM: evil smile 1601-"ummmm..... is that a good thing or a bad thing?" 1602-PC: "My brother will avenge me!" The assassin takes off his mask, "I will?" 1603-"Hmm three Minutes?? I'll go check the Fuse." 1604-"I'll shove a stick up the Stone Statues Nose" (actually being a Stone GOLEM! 1605-"I'll insult the guy in Elvish, he does'nt understand Elvish, does he?" 1606-PC1: "Okay so be a Communications Officer..." PC2: "Communication OFFICER! What the hell do they do, 'Hello all of are other officers are busy at the moment would you like to call back later or hold until one is available'" 1607-"I'll go and try my new shotgun first." 1608-PC: "I buy a chicken." GM: "Ok, the farmer hands you a chicken. That'll be 5sp." PC: "Ok. And now I force the chicken to drink my Potion of Chicken-Turning." (Causing the chicken to be turned into a pyrolisk, a chicken-like bird with a deadly gaze.) GM: "It turned into a chicken with bat-wings, a ratlike tail ending in a bunch of feathers, and red fiery eyes." PC: "IT DID WHAT? Well, I hypnotize it..." (Meeting it's deadly gaze) 1609-(fighting a necromancer) "Hee, where did my leg go?!?!" 1610-"But he is my pet! That dire wolf will listen to me!" 1611-"What do you mean I lost my backpack? I need those potions!" 1612-"Nah, orcs are stupid, they never lay in an ambush." 1613-"WHAT came out of that treasure chest?" 1614-"I hope that rolling rock is not causing to much damage..." 1615-"WHAT do you mean?!?! I fizzled my spell?" 1616-"This looks like a healing potion, maybe I'll try it." 1617-"A contract appears out of nowhere? I sign it." 1618-"You silly water nagas have no power outside of your pool." 1619-"The metal is dissolving? I quickly gather some in my potion flask." 1620-"Don't point that staff at me, you stupid b*tch!" 1621-PC returns to flybot left out in the rain with the canopy open. PC: "OK, I'll take it up above tree level and have a look for the others." GM. "Your feet are wet - there's a lot of water in here." PC: "Right, I'll flip it upside down." 1622-"Stop arguing people, I'll prove to you once and for all that this is NOT an electric fence!" 1623-GM: "So you're hanging from the cross shaped window bars, lucky your character wasn't repelled by crosses." PC: "Ummm...it was." (in Vampire) 1624-PC1: "Maybe we need something to block the swinging blades." PC2: "Don't look at me like this..." 1625-"I'll have what she's having." (in a bar that serves extra-terrestrian clients) 1626- "oh! sorry I´ve dropped all the drinks on your books." 1627-"Who's left the window open?" (it was the assassin.) 1628-"I hope it hits one of my companions." 1629-PC: "I escape out the prison window." GM: "You are 3 stories up." PC: "No, I *was* 3 stories up." 1630-"Step aside and let me open it!" 1631-GM: "The nuclear-missile silo that you're located in is EXTREMLY sensitive to heavy electronics like cybernetics and ro..." PC: "Heh, lucky we don't have any robots in our party!" (What he didn't know was that two of the PC:s were Terminator-type androids) 1632-"We've come for the women" said upon entering an Amazon warriors camp. 1633-"Maybe we have bit off more than we can chew." 1634-"So you're a demon. Can you do tricks?" 1635-"Who is mister tall, dark, and immortal?" 1636-"Well, I've assassinated the the Tyrant. Isn't everybody happy?" 1637-"Out comes the bastard sword." 1638-"I hit the glass golem with my staff." (of healing) 1639-A group, cornered by an army of enemies: Priest: "Oh, please, God, help us!" [God appears]: "You may ask *one* question!" Troll: "All of us?" God: "No." [poof] 1640-"The barkeeper's eyes turn what color after I stabbed him?" 1641-"OK so the four giants have me by the arms and legs. I still refuse to pay the 18th level fighter mage the 500 platinum to let me go." 1642-"You mean you're not Odin? Darkness? Never heard of you." 1643-"Oh so thats what a Blood Thirster looks like." 1644-"ARRRRRGH Who let the gretchin drive the war trukk!!!!???!!!" 1645-"What happens when you roll a one to shoot a plasma?" 1646-"The thing I killed was a Brownie? Well who the hell asked it to go around sneaking into people's houses anyway?" 1647-"Don't worry my holy avenger does double damage against red dragons. Wait a minute what color were they again?" 1648-"Boy I think I need glasses. It looked like the statue moved." 1649-(to physician) "What is Ly-can-thro-py. Well nothing a couple of days in bed won't cure." 1650-"I'm sorry master I didn't know that delicious turkey was your familiar." 1651-PC: "That's pretty clever, ey?" Demon: "No, that's pretty clever..." 1652-"Well, it smells like a Healing Potion." 1653-"Tell me again why we're doing this..." 1654-"Damnit, I forgot to renew my DocWagon contract!" 1655-"You DID bring spare bullets, didn't you?" 1656-"I wouldnt worry. They are dead for at least thousand years." 1657-"Come on, I can see from here that his beard is false. Hell, I will prove it to you." 1658-"Dont worry, they dont call me Cat for nothing. Got nine lives, you know?" 1659-"This branch will be firm enough to hold both of us." 1660-"What do you mean I had to take the skill "pistols" in order to use my handgun?!" 1661-PC1: "May I borrow your gun?" PC2: "Why?" PC1 (ironically): "To commit suicide." PC2 shoots PC1. 1662-"Here's what I will do: Crack the lid of the magical chest open, then jump back around the corner and hide!" 1663-"I'll take off the ninja's mask." 1664-PC1: "Is that a Vampire over there?" PC2: "Yeah it is... get a cross, it all we'll need to get past it." 1665-"Ok, you can all take a little nap while I take care of this thing with so many funny eyes." 1666-"C'monguys, what's the worst thing a cursed item's gonan do?" 1667-"Hey what are a bunch of farmers with pitchforks gonna do?" 1668-"I cast... , oh shit, that's my other character!" 1669-"A tarrawhat??" 1670-"Ok guys, who remembered what the old guy at the entrance said?" 1671-"Can you take a cure potion during a fight?" 1672-DM: "You will need an impressive result to pull out this stunt..." PC: "Is 7 on 6d6 impressive enough?" 1673-GM: "There's a pit blocking your way across the cavern." PC: "Pit ehh , I throw a rock down and count." GM: "5 seconds later you hear a splash." PC: "A splash? Hey i could jump down..." 1674-"What's a 'potion miscibility table'?" 1675-"Why were medusa's so dangerous?" 1676-PC: "What, a hill giant? I drink a random potion..." GM: "You shrink to 10% of your current size." 1677-"Just let me pick up my staff, you barbarian!" 1678-"Right.... I use my pickpockets ability to steal the egg from under the mated pair of black dragons." 1679-"Stop shooting! I'm an undercover agent, you're disrupting an investigation!" 1680-"I look where the first bullet came from." 1681-"Hey dude, i'm not going to duel with you if you wear that cheater's armor." 1682-"Kneel before your lord!" 1683-Village people: "A witch! Burn her!" PC: "I'm not a witch, I'm a cleric, blessed by the gods!" Village people: "Burn the blasphemous witch!" 1684-"Kewl! Han Solo! There's a nice bounty on his head! I'll get him." 1685-"I turn this bag inside-out!" (It was a bag of devouring.) 1686-"Hey, I just noticed that I still have this water breathing amulet!" (The party was in a sinking ship surrounded by paniced sailors) 1687-"I thought it was on auto-pilot!" 1688-PC1: "Zev?" PC2: "Yeah?" PC1: "Duck." PC2: "Why?" *thunk* 1689-PC1: "Why does that tree have sulfur all over it?" PC2: "No, that's not sulfur." 1690-"I sheathe my longsword and kiss the ogre on the lips." 1691-"Hey, he shouldn´t step out of my pentagram just like that, eh?" 1692-PC1: "The Dwarf picks up the magic bagpipes and blows them!" GM: "A shockwave shakes the whole room- Anyone carrying glass potion bottles roll D20. PC2: "But the illusionist has just picked up all those potion bottles..." (rolls several times) PC1: "Do the different potions mix?" 1693-"The necroman-Err- I mean- the good cleric- sneaks to the back of the party." 1694-PC1: "WHAT??? A Lich-King??? Quick- everyone chuck the treasure in the teleportation chest so the lich can't get it..." PC2,3,4: "Yes, right, we dump the treasure in the chest so it's safe!" PC1: "The dwarf jumps in the chest after the treasure and teleports back home..." 1695-"You're QUITE sure that I couldn't POSSIBLY tell that it was a bowl of watery death???" 1696-(PC has just ridden into a low-hanging branch after failing a riding roll in a desperate flight from a pack of Yeth hounds) PC: "Okay- so he's unconscious and bleeding...but the others will be able to find him in time..." GM: "Didn't you say you put on your Ring of Invisibility?" 1697-"He's bleeding. So we can kill him." 1698-"Nice muscles, only your big fat head..." 1699-"Don't worry, Jack, I can fix a light bulb." 1700-"Who's there?" 1701-"What is this white powder? Smells kinda funny... Gimme more." (drugs) 1702-"Don't gibberlings run away once youve killed half of them?" 1703-"Let them come, you slew the dragon so you'll be a hero." 1704-"You can't kill me after all what I've done for you." 1705-"I told you we shouldn't come in here." 1706-"Our gm is harsh but fair (snigger)." =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Sometimes pairs of similar FLWs are found in the list. One of those will be deleted and replaced by another FLW. To let you know that there is a new one at this specific position, the indices of those replacements are written down here : 549* 419* 378* *not a replaced double, but a new one which sounds little bit different from the old one (only the changes in relation to the last published version) =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Oliver Rosenkranz (rossi@cs.tu-berlin.de) --==rossi==-- Estensis GmbH Germany (o.rosenkranz@estensis.de) =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=