Mood:  blue

Originally posted on November 24th, 2003

I'm not a liar, I'm not a cheat and I'm not stupid.

I do something nice for a change and it blows up in my face. Now my so called fiance thinks I have another motive and "I'm not that kind."
Now he won't talk about it, guess we won't have sex ever again.

My motive was to let him sleep. I was going to go to bed by 1 am but I peed on myself, I didn't want to dampen the bed. He was tired he had hour of sleep. I called for him to get up, he didn't. I didn't feel like getting down, why because I didn't feel like getting down crawling to the bedroom and rousing him then waiting 10 minutes or more for him to put me back in my chair.
Also, I didn't want him to spend a half hour in the bathroom, only to come out check the web, check his mail and then go back to bed. I wasn't tired, I've been having trouble sleeping. Yeah I was role-playing, but he knew that when he went to lay down, but it wasn't the main reason I was staying up. The room was going slow and Jen fell asleep while playing.

Why haven't I told him any of this cause he's got the mind set that I did something wrong.
He doesn't really love me, if he did he wouldn't be insecure. He would TRUST me. So I lied to him about cybering 3 years ago, shows he never let it go, even when I did. Guess he feels like he needs to monitor my role-play. He never wants to RP anymore, he says he will every day now but we never do. The people I'm RPing with aren't strangers to him, geez.

He tried to throw me out of the house. How would you interpret "Stay at your mom's a few days, I need to think."

Why are we getting married?

I don't know anymore.

I love him with all my heart, and I'm trying to adjust and change some things about ME but apparently it's not enough, not for him.