The SmArK Massacre Rant
By Scott Keith
- The Pay Per View is coming up and there has yet to be a main event. Despite this, the BOW moves on(I guess). On the side note, how fucking STUPID is this court case with the World Wrestling Federation getting bitched at by the World Wildlife Fund(over the name "WWF")? It's shit like this that shows that basically anyone can goto court over anything, and basically the world is one big crock of shit. Makes me feel great that I'm not famous I guess. On with the show.
- Live from the Unknown Arena.
- Your hosts are Manic and Chico.
- No opening, as Christian York makes his way out to cut a promo(killing TV time I'm guessing). Christian gets in the ring and grabs the microphone. Basically talks about how Enforcer is an ungrateful kind of guy and that he should be thanking the ground he walks on that he's being put into the spotlight so fast. Also talks about how Enforcer should quit bragging about his championship titles in other organizations, because nobody gives a shit. He says that sometimes people have to make decisions, and his was to sign Enforcer to a contract. Yadda yadda yadda, end of promo.
- Opening Match: Shawn Michaels vs Big Bossman. The showstopper, the main eventer, the ICON...Is opening up the show. Oh yeah, he's also facing the Bossman. Anyway, Bossman pounds away with his usual 80's offense, as HBK is cornered in the turnbuckle. Blind charge by Bossman misses, and HBK hits a flying forearm for a two. Bossman blocks a hiptoss and chokeslams HBK to the mat for a two. Small package on HBK for another two. HBK counters a back bodydrop with a DDT, which gets two. HBK bodyslams Bossman and hits the Macho Elbow off the top rope(a top rope elbowdrop for the mentally challenged), which also gets a two count. Bossman blocks the Sweet Chin Music and goes for the Bossman Slam, which HBK counters. HBK goes off the ropes and Bossman hits the Bossman Slam out of nowhere, which gets him down for the three count. Decent match. **
- In the back, RVD runs into Shannon and offers her some brownies. Shannon of course doesn't take them, which leads to Enforcer running into RVD and asking him what the hell he's doing. RVD and Enforcer end up in a scuffle which security comes to break up.
- BOW Hardcore Title Match: Tajiri vs American Crippler. Winner recieves the hardcore title since Jake died and battle royals are SOO last month. Crippler attacks, Tajiri shoves it off and kicks him in the head. Crippler back up, Tajiri kicks him back down. Repeat the same process a couple more times. Crippler catches a handspring elbow and drops Tajiri with a release German Suplex. Crippler goes to the outside and tosses some garbage into the ring. Crippler with some garbage lid shots in the head to Tajiri, which gets a two count. Crippler goes for another garbage lid shot, but catches a superkick instead. Tajiri fucks up a Fireman's Carry, which in turn fucked up Crippler's neck(just call him the American Crippled). It gets a two count. Tajiri slaps on the Tarantula, only to have Terry Ryzing come out and hair him in the head(which the referee bitches about which is stupid in a hardcore match). Crippler covers for a two count. Regal takes care of Ryzing outside of the ring. Meanwhile in the ring Crippler calls for the end and climbs the ropes, but Tajiri crotches him on the turnbuckle. Tajiri goes for a huracanrana, but Crippler does the MIST OF DOOM into his eyes and counters into a powerbomb for a three count. Crippler wins the hardcore title, and irony would be the word for today. Regal and Tajiri chase down Ryzing while Crippler celebrates his win. All is good until Steve Corino makes his way out to ringside, tosses Crippler a chair, and hits a Corinonator. Actually it was just a superkick, but the obvious similarities were there. Corino pins and WINS the Hardcore Title just minutes after Crippler beat Tajiri. So much for that. **1/4
- Meanwhile in the back, we find out that Shawn Michaels has left the building.
- Lightning is seen in the backstage practicing a promo in front of a mirror, doing a shitty job of it in the process. What does all this prove?? Enforcer carried Lawless and Lightning. Lawless taps Lightning in the shoulder and tells him that they have a match coming up, and that's it.
- Lars finds a small package of brownies laying near a table from when RVD and Enforcer had the scuffle, and decides to take a bite or two. Lars finds them quite tasty, and scarfs down the whole thing.
- Law and Disorder vs Hells Henchman. Months ago, Lightning and Lawless were stealing the show against Dirtbag Dogg and Vault. Only difference now? Hells Henchman are a better team, and Law and Disorder are not the same they used to be. Good to see them back though, as they get a pretty big pop from the crowd. Lawless and Ryzing trade reversals and stuff like that. Some more mat wrestling insues, which leads to nothing. Lawless and Ryzing shove all that technical crap aside and start trading blows. Lawless dodges a clothesline and connects with a cross bodyblock for a one count. Deep armdrag by Lawless and it's back to the restholds. Ryzing breaks out and tags in Xnakstarr. Lawless drop toeholds Xnakstarr and makes the tag to Lightning. Lightning snap suplexes Xnakstarr over and follows with a russian legsweep. Lightning tags and LAD do a double team drop toehold into a flipping legdrop. Lawless pins for a two. Lawless goes for a blindcharge and misses as Xnakstarr tags to Ryzing. Ryzing dumps Lawless with a butterfly suplex and follows with a running kneelift. Ryzing works over Lawless with an armbar. More stalling continues before Lawless mounts a comeback which gets derailed. Ryzing hits a piledriver for a two count. Ryzing just for kicks hits TWO MORE piledrivers, which gets a two as Lightning breaks up the count. Lawless hits a shoulderblock off the ropes. Xnakstarr gets tagged in and Lightning gets the hot tag. Backdrop to Xnakstarr and a clothesline to Ryzing. Xnakstarr charges Lightning but gets speared in the process. Ryzing cuts that off with a falling reverse neckbreaker. Lightning goes for another spear, but takes out the referee. Lawless comes in but gets dumped over the top ropes as Xnakstarr and Ryzing get a double team neckbreaker and backdrop combination on Lightning. Xnakstarr pins, but Tajiri goes to the top rope. Tajiri goes for the double stomp on Xnakstarr, but inadvertently hits Lightning. The referee crawls over and counts the three as Hells Henchman win in a huge upset. Tajiri stands in the ring as Lawless gets back in. Lightning hits a LIGHTNING STRIKE on Tajiri as Lawless follows that up with a LAWBREAKER. Tajiri is laid out in the ring as LAD leaves lookin mighty pissed. **1/2
- Lars is seen in the back lookin a little wasted as RVD walks upto him and asks what happened to his brownies. Lars tells him that he has no clue, but that RVD should worry more about his match coming up next with Enforcer. Lars then asks RVD before he leaves if he has anything to snack on. RVD walks out.
- Main Event: Rob Van Dam vs Enforcer. This is of course Enforcer's return match to the BOW. Of course he'd like people to think he HASN'T left, but then again, he's been gone since the last PPV. RVD tells Fonzie to leave ringside, as he doesn't want any excuses for the match outcome. Enforcer and RVD make circles around each other, when all of a sudden Christian York and the Dudley Boyz make their way out. Christian basically talks smack to Enforcer, which makes no sense since the other day he was kissing ass. But the crowd is supposed to forget about all that, as this is another day. What it comes down to is that Christian doesn't want Enforcer to get his ass handed to him by RVD, so in his replacement will be D-Von Dudley?? D-Von isn't exactly happy about this, and neither is the crowd who is chanting bullshit. So then we have this match.
- Main Event: Enforcer vs D-Von Dudley. D-Von looks a bit nervous, but focuses on the task at hand. Enforcer on the other hand looked mighty annoyed by this, but shrugs it off and locks up. D-Von applies the headlock, only to have Enforcer toss him like a sack of nothing. Enforcer shoulderblocks D-Von in the arm and whips him over. D-Von counters an irishwhip and goes for a cyclone forearm, only to get caught and tossed over again. Big boot followed by the New Breed Powerbomb finishes the job, as this match was over before it even started. Enforcer grabs the microphone and demands that RVD comes back out. RVD comes out, but York holds him back. York tells Enforcer that he can have his match, but not tonight. RVD tells Enforcer that he'll face him at the Pay Per View, which Enforcer agrees to. DUD
- End of Show.
August 10, 2001
Bloody Online Wrestling
