The SmArK Massacre Rant
By Scott Keith
- Live from the Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
- Your hosts are Manic and Chico.
- Opening Match: Human Wreckers vs William Regal and Tajiri. The Infamous charges Tajiri and gets kicked in the head as the shoot kicking marathon begins. Tajiri ducks a punch and sweeps Infamous. Double blocks lead to the Octopus hold which King comes in to break up. King gets tagged in but Tajiri drop toeholds him and tags in Regal. Regal unloads the European uppercuts in the corner and tosses him over with an armdrag. Regal works the arm with some swift looking holds before King rakes the eyes. King charges Regal but misses. Regal rolls him up and locks on the Regal Stretch. Infamous breaks it up. Infamous charges Regal in the corner also and misses and Tajiri comes out of nowhere and keeps him at bay with the tarantula. Regal ducks a punch from King, twists the arm, and hits the neckbreaker. 1, 2, 3. Regal and Tajiri win. *1/4
- Replays are shown of Bloody Sunday.
- BOW Internet Title Match: Rob Van Dam(c) vs EX. RVD and EX exchange armbars and leglocks with neither gaining advantage. RVD flips out of a hammerlock and does a kicking combo. EX is monkeyflipped out of the corner as RVD follows with the rolling senton splash. EX tosses RVD to the outside and follows him out with a springboard plancha. EX charges RVD and gets tossed and handstand springboards the outside portion of the ringropes. EX tries to follow down into a DDT, but RVD snaps him over with a spinebuster, owch. RVD rolls EX back into the ring. 5 Star Frogsplash connects for the 3 count. Match was rushed, but solid. *1/2
- A "Warfare" promo, complete with Disturbed "Down with the Sickness" plug is shown.
- Kasper is in the backstage area looking for people to finish up his bong since he has a match with Steve Corino next. EX passes by Kasper. Kasper asks him if he wants it, but EX blows him off and leaves the arena looking pissed. Kasper shrugs to himself and says that he'll just have to save it for after the match is over.
- BOW Hardcore Title Match: Steve Corino(c) vs Kasper. Kasper tosses in some garbage from the outside of the ring as Corino has a heart attack(not literally you idiots). Kasper takes a trash can lid and smacks Corino in the head with it. It gets a one count. Corino gets back up and tosses Kasper outside of the ring. Corino takes a breather, but Kasper tosses a shopping cart in the ring that hits Corino in the back. Kasper runs in and pins for a 2 count. Corino staggers up and gets chaired in the head. Corino starts to bleed because he can. Corino has enough of getting beat down and kicks Kasper in the nuts. Northern Lights Suplex gets a 2 count. Corino takes a sweep and cleans the ring of all the garbage as the crowd boos. Corino walks over to Kasper and starts to choke him with the broomstick. Kasper counters out with a suplex for a 2. Kasper goes off the ropes and Corino counters a crucifix with a samoan drop. Old School Expulsion connects out of nowhere, and it gets a 2 count. Kasper counters an irish whip and hits a Dragon Suplex, for a 2 count. Kasper goes for a double powerbomb, but Corino grabs a trashcan lid on the way up and smacks Kasper in the head. Corino covers for a 2. Old School Expulsion is attempted again, but it gets countered by Kasper. Kasper goes for a DDT, but Corino shoves him off. Several more exchange counters take place before Corino connects on the superkick. 1, 2, 3. Corino retains the title. Good match. **
- Lars and Christian are in the back as Christian stretches out for his match against HBK. Lars offers Christian a brownie, which Christian rejects. Lars says it's all good, means more wholesome goodness for himself. Christian smirks a little then chomps a piece out of one of them.
- Lance Storm is out for his match against Triple H. A shot of the BOWTron displays Triple H in the backstage area clutching at his knee. Lance Storm grabs the mic and asks if he can be serious for a minute here. Storm accuses Triple H of fraud and that he's trying to avoid a match against Calgary's finest. The crowd starts to stir as Recoil comes through the fans and clubs Lance Storm in the knee with a pipe. Recoil grabs the mic and tells Storm, "there's your reason for why Triple H couldn't make it!!" O'Haire and Jindrak run out to help Storm, but Recoil jumps back into the crowd and dashes out.
- O'Haire and Jindrak check up on Lance Storm who is in the backstage area getting his knee checked out by a doctor. Storm tells O'Haire and Jindrak not to worry about what's wrong with him. Their focus is winning the BOW Tag Team Titles.
- BOW Tag Team Title Match: Law and Disorder vs Sean O'Haire and Mark Jindrak. O'Haire and Jindrak immediately take control with powermoves and other dirty nasty things. Like being forced to watch a Giant Gonzalez vs Viscera 60 Minute Iron Man match with your eyelids cut off so you can't close them. Well really they just pound and kick the champs, but I think my idea would hurt alot more. Jindrak suplexes Lawless over and pins for a 2 count. Jindrak tags in O'Haire and they do a double team suplex/ neckbreaker combo. Lightning breaks up the count at 2. O'Haire and Lawless trade chops with Lawless gaining advantage and hitting a swinging neckbreaker. Lawless tags in Lightning as he goes to work on O'Haire. Lightning hits a blockbuster off the ropes. Jindrak runs in and gets speared by Lightning. Lawless runs in as a big mess occurs. Jindrak counters a Lawbreaker by tossing Lawless over the top rope. O'Haire regains advantage with a superkick. O'Haire comes off the top with a Seanton Bomb, but SHANNON is out to distract the ref(what the fuck). Jindrak charges Enforcer and gets chaired in the head. Enforcer picks up O'Haire off of Lightning and DDTs him. Lightning covers as Enforcer dashes out of the ring. The referee turns around and counts for the 1, 2, 3. Match went through the motions, but was good for what was there. *1/2
- The Hell in the Cell starts to lower as another PPV plug is shown for "Warfare". After the PPV spot, a video compilation is played of HBK vs York the first time it came around. Then it cuts to HBK retiring and returning in dramatic fashion to win the World Heavyweight Title. York then announces that their return match will be Hell in the Cell, and that's about it.
- Main Event / Hell in the Cell: Shawn Michaels vs Christian York. Both crowd reactions for York and HBK are downright scary as the bell rings. HBK and York exchange armbars on the mat as the match begins on the technical side. York gains advantage, but HBK counters out with an elbow. HBK and York block armdrags with HBK tossing York over the top rope in the end. HBK runs and dives through the ropes crashing into York and the cage wall. York counters a whip as HBK hits the cage backfirst. HBK stumbles out and York backdrops him on the floor. York tosses HBK into the ring and goes for the Crab 2.0(Liontamer for the metally challenged). HBK reaches the ropes and counters into one of his own. Christian escapes as HBK goes on the attack with elbows into the back. HBK snap suplexes him for a 2 count. HBK goes for Sweet Chin Music, but York counters and goes for the Crab once again. This time he goes down to one knee, and HBK is fucked at this point. SOMEHOW, HBK escapes, but the damage has been done. York hits a Pump Handle Driver, and it gets a 2 count as the crowd goes nuts. Springboard Shooting Star Press is blocked by HBK's knees, as both are now down on the mat. York recovers first. HBK gets whipped into the opposite side, but jumps on the top rope and moonsaults York out of nowhere for a 2 count. HBK goes to the outside of the ring and brings in a table from underneath. HBK sets the table up inside the ring and lays York on the top. HBK hits the top rope elbow onto the table, and it gets a 2 count. HBK picks up York, but York small packages for a 2 count. HBK goes for a piledriver, but York backdrops him over the top rope. York places HBK next to the door and goes inside the ring. York then proceed to do diving spears to the outside onto HBK, FIVE TIMES!!! York does it again, and the door breaks down as York and HBK crash onto the outside portion of the ring. My friend and I take bets on who will start climbing the cage for no reason at all. And of course, York starts climbing the cage because he was bored I guess. HBK gives chase as the crowd starts to stir even more. HBK and York slug it out on the top of the cage. York goes to whip HBK off the cage, but HBK counters with a clothesline as the entire arena almost has a heart attack. HBK goes for a back suplex, but York turns him around and front suplexes him onto a section that BREAKS. HBK grabs onto the cage before he falls onto the ringmat below. York goes to sunset flip powerbomb him off, but he slips and crashes into the ring as the crowd chants "holy shit". HBK, instead of climbing back up, FOLLOWS him down with an elbowdrop. Both guys are clinically dead. HBK drapes his arm over York. 1, 2, 3. HBK wins. Whatelse is there to say? ****
- HBK and York are still in the ring as both take an eternity to get to their feet. The crowd applauds both mens efforts as they finally do so. York looks over to HBK as Michaels does the same. York turns his head a couple times, then extends his hand out in a form of respect. HBK shakes his head, and shakes his hand. Of course repect is soo 80's, because out of nowhere RVD and Corino rush the ring and attack Michaels from behind. Michaels, already exhausted, tries to fight back but cannot. Corino hits OLD SCHOOL MUSIC on HBK, which knocks him down on the mat. Vandaminator also connects on HBK. Bossman runs down the ring to try to help his partner out, but Bubba and D-Von Dudley were also waiting. Bossman runs right into D-Von, who lifts him up and drops him for the 3D on the floor. York and Corino hold HBK down on the mat by his arms and legs. RVD goes to the outside, climbs the cage, and you can almost guess what happens here. RVD jumps off the top of the cage and hits the Five Star Frog Splash onto HBK. If Michaels wasn't dead, he sure is now. RVD isn't in good shape either, but he's still able to get up on his own. The camera cuts out with the Extreme Alliance and York in the ring as HBK and Bossman have been laid out.
- End of Show.
August 23, 2001
Bloody Online Wrestling
