Nic-nac paddy whack give the Frog a home!
Nic-nac paddy whack give the Frog a home!
While the rest of us were holidaying in warmer climes, raving at the festivals and taking it in turns to host the obligatory "my sausage is a bit pink" type of barbecue, one of the Premiership’s rising stars has been whoring his way around Europe looking for a new sponsor - and finally found it at Real Madrid.
Arsenal fans (no I’m not) have expressed their collective disgust for a player whose lightning pace saw off so many opposing league defenders, together with our national side’s back four.
It is a shame that his finishing lacks the maturity of, say, Ian Wright (Gunners’ fans rue that man’s departure from Highbury), but such was his impact last season, that our European cousins were bound to sit up and take note.
Surprising then, that Anelka felt the need to stir up such interest himself, through clever manipulation of the press. A release here, interview there, his brothers quick to fuel rumours of a move to, well, just about everybody.
Arsene Wenger was on the verge of reporting an illegal approach by Marseille when the French club suggested it was Anelka who approached them.
Initially this seemed odd, but as the summer unfolded, the boy called Nicola became more like the boy who cried wolf, as it happened over and over.
As a deterrent Arsenal placed a £28million tag on Anelka. Ludicrous, of course, the French, for all their faults, are not ready to enter into such transfer market folly. The Spaniards however, can be trusted to do one thing - the stupid thing.
The Armada invasion of Britain when Liz the Ginger was queen, paled against Real Madrid’s purchase of the vastly over-rated McManaman, and in June, they seemed ready to go again with Anelka.
Nicola (not a boy’s name) became upset when, for a second time Arsenal cried, "illegal approach" and our dago friends were discouraged. The forlorn Anelka, publicly claimed he would now be embarrassed and upset to return to the North London club. Tough tit, Nicky, I don’t like going back to work on Mondays but we all have to do things we don’t like.
The saga continued as the Italians entered the fray, Lazio bidding £18m and Arsenal dropping to £22m. Still money better spent elsewhere, surely?
Anelka tried patching things up with the Gunners faithful saying he never wanted to go, Real pulled out, Lazio’s deadline came and went, a passing interest from Juventus went the way of Anelka’s shooting, and missed the target.
A phone-in on the Radio 5 Live programme highlighted Arsenal fans’ horror that Nicola was being allowed to train in preparation for the Charity Shield. Pitiful sob stories, speculating over how Kanu might feel if Anelka comes back. Get a life.
I am sure they will sort it out between them, a la Hartson/Berkowic if necessary, At the time of writing, Real have shown renewed interest in l’enfant terrible, and I do not expect Anelka, a Des Walker lookalike if ever there was one, to kick a Premiership ball for Arsenal again.
Until Toshack comes to his senses, two things remain - Arsenal still have in Anelka a huge star of the future, a striker whom no-one can catch. Wenger is intelligent and shrewd enough to ensure that Anelka does not become a Stan Collymore.
Secondly, no club will ever pay £28million for a talent (undisputed) that has yet to show it’s full potential, where he misses twice as many as he scores, and when he has a girl’s name. That would be something I couldn’t habla.
POSTSCRIPT:
Anelka finally signed for Real for a whopping £23.5million and will line up alongside Macca this season.
But Arsenal aren't stupid are they. David Dein has done a deal with the gullible Spanish that Arsenal will get another £12million if Real sell our friend Nic within three years. THREE YEARS! Bank the money now Gooners!