Jokes
E-mail us with your jokes, if you think they are worthy to
be alongside the gems below (P.S. We didn't write these,
so if you think they're crap, don't blame us.)
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A man walks into a pub with a lump of tarmac under
his arm. "A pint please, landlord", he says,
"and one for the road".
Young Timmy pricks his finger on a drawing pin at
school, and calls out to his teacher that he needs to
soak it in some cider. "Cider!", the teacher
exclaims, "What for?". "Because,"
Timmy says, "my sister says that whenever she gets a
prick in her hand, she always puts it in cider."
A bloke walks into a pub with a meat and potato pie
balanced on his head. He walks up to the barman and says,
"Can I have a pint of bitter, please."
"Certainly," says the barman, and starts
pulling a pint. But he can't resist asking: "You do
realise, sir, that you have a meat and potato pie on your
head?". The bloke says, "Yes, I always have a
meat and potato pie on my head on Wednesday."
"Ah!" says the barman. "But today is
Tuesday!" "Oh no," says the bloke. "I
must look like a right twat."
Two aerials meet on a rooftop, fall in love, and
decide to get married. On the big day, the ceremony was
awful, but the reception was excellent.
While flying at 36000ft from London to New York, a
Boeing 747 suddenly develops engine trouble and start
plummeting towards the Atlantic. As she realises what's
going on, the head stewardess crashes into the pilots'
cabin, stands in front of the captain and rips off her
blouse, saying: "Captain, make me feel like a woman
one more time before I die!" The pilot rips his
shirt off and says: "Here you go then - iron
this."
