Your Mom is so fat, when Liu Kang did his Dragon Animality, he choked to death.
Your Mom is like MK3, full of Crap.
Your Mom is so fat, when Scorpion did his Scorch Fatality, she turned into bacon.
Your Mom is so fat, when Scorpion did his Hell-Raiser Fatality, there wasn't enough guys to finish her.
Your Mom is so fat, when Ermac did his Telekenetic Slam Fatality, it caused an Earthquake.
Your Mom is so fat, Cyrax needs more than one Net to capture her.
Your Mom is so ugly, she saw Kabal's face and thought it was a Mirror.
Your Mom is so fat, they had to make a whole 'nother select screen for her.
Your Mom is so dirty, she had to jump in the Lava Pool to get cleaned off.
Your Mom is so old, she makes Kitana look like a twinkle in Sindel's eye.
Your Mom is so nasty, Johnny Cage can do his ball breaker on her.
Your Mom is such a whore, when I entered the "Dark Fighting" Code, she took her clothes off.
Your Mom is so worthless, when Shang Tsung took her Soul, he sold it for a quarter.
Your Mom is like Kabal or Scorpion, the more you play her, the cheaper she gets!
Your Mom is such a whore, when Smoke tried to shove a bomb down her throat, she asked him to use some lube first.
Your Mom is so fat, when Jax tried to do his Stomp Fatality, he twisted his ankle.
Your Mom is so fat, when I did the Pit on her, she bounced back.
Your Mom is so stupid, she has a 1-hit combo.
Your Mom is so fat, if she was Sheeva, her Teleport Stomp would be a Fatality.
Your Mom is so fat, Sheeva would need 10 arms to do the Skin Rip Fatality.
Your Mom is so nasty, she lifts up her arms for her Pit Fatality.
Your Mom has more bugs than MK3.
Your Mom is like Smoke, once you UKC her, you can't get rid of her.
Your Mom puts the "FAT" in Fatality.
Your Mom is so nasty, her kiss makes Sonya's Kiss of Death look Romantic.
Your Mom is so ugly, Kabal asked her if she wanted to borrow her mask.
Your Mom is such a lame character, her only move is F-U-HK.
Your Mom is so ugly, if she was a character, the UKC would make her a hidden character.
Your Mom is so fat, she doesn't need a special move to reflect projectiles.
Your Mom is so fat, when Sektor tried to scorch her, he ran out of gas. When her bush caught fire, he got arrested for starting a forest fire.
Your Mom is so fat, when Kabal did his dash, he started spinning.
Your Mom is so ugly, Smoke turned HER Invisible.
Your Mom is so fat, when Smoke speared her, he got busted for whaling.
Your Mom is so frigid, Sub-Zero doesn't need to freeze her.
Your Mom is so stupid, she thought the Double-Ice Backfire was a sexually transmitted disease.
Your Mom is like UMK3, if you keep smacking her after you're done, you can get a free one out of her.
Your Mom is so fat, when Sektor did the Clamp Fatality, he broke the damn thing.
Your Mom is so fat, when Kabal tried to pump her up, he ran out of air.
Your Mom is so old, when I did a Babality, She only dropped down to 45!
Your Mom is so stupid, she thought the palette swap was a sexual position.
Your Mom is so stupid, she thought the "Ground Pound" and the "Quad Slam" were what I did to her last night!!
Your Mom is so stupid, she thought the UKC was 1-800-COLLECT.
Your Mom is so stupid, when Motaro hit her with his Tail, she thought it was bondage.
Your Mom is so ugly, I fucked her as a Mercy.
Your Mom is so ugly, she turns into a person for her Animality.
Your Mom is so ugly, she wears a respirator just so people will fight her.
Your Mom is so ugly, her Nudeality is a Fatality.
Your Mom is so ugly, that when Kabal took off his mask, he said "You win."
Your Mom is so ugly, that when you push Run, your character runs away!
Your Mom is so stupid , that when I dropped a quarter in the Arcade Machine, she dropped her pants and braced herself.
Your Mom is so stupid, that when Shao Kahn said "Bow to me.", she got on her knees.
Your Mom is so stupid, that when Stryker strapped a bomb to her, she said "This will cost you extra."
Your Mom is so stupid, that when it said "Finish Him" she said "But there's no bed!"
Last week a decisive battle was won by Jarek in his war against Sonya Blade. The criminal brought the once strong Lieutenant to her knees. Now we know how Monica Lewinsky felt!
New reports indicate that while President Clinton was meeting with the President of Mexico, Monica Lewinsky was hiding in the next room, waiting to perform certain "duties." To get good at the hiding game, Lewinsky consulted Jade on some tips on stealth. Monica thought Jade could be a promising intern at the White House, seeing as how she is very talented with handling that big staff!
Well over this past Valentine's weekend Kitana made a visit to the Earth realm to spend some quality time with Liu Kang. She got him a card saying she would travel to the ends of any realm to find Liu Kang. Not knowing how to respond to this, Liu Kang went with this year's biggest selling Valentine, be my intern!
The tensions between the United States and Iraq continue to heat up as a military strike now seems to be more and more likely. The bombing is intended to take out Saddam's chemical and biological weapons. The weapons will supposedly cause one's skin to shrivel up and turn scalely. This is very true, we've seen it happen. This ought to make Reptile think twice before removing his mask!
And in the Olympics this week, a Canadian snowboarder was stripped of his gold medal after he tested positive for marijuana, and then later had it returned to him. It seemed as if every second the opinion about him changed seeing as how his eyes were all puffed up and red, and then a minute later normal, and then back to red. With all the changing of his eyes from drugs, we have finally solved the mystery of Scorpion's eyes!
And finally the Shaolin monks Liu Kang, Kung Lao, and Kai were competing in a small tournament this week against some European nations, and lost! The monks had now lost their place among the Earth warriors and the now unemployed warriors proceeded to destroy the temple where they were staying. But the monks should not have to worry about being unemployed, as they were immediately offered spots on the U.S. Men's Hockey team!
Today the U.S. Army announced that Lt. Sonya Balde was awarded the medal of honor. She is scheduled to receive it in Washington from the President next week. This award ceremony is expected to be followed by another subpoena in the Paula Jones Case!
The new buzz around Washington concerning the President's alleged affair with Monica Lewinsky is that it was not infidelity because the two only engaged in oral sex. Now Lewinsky is seeking revenge for this smear campaign accusing her of being a tramp, so to "bite back" she's gotten Mileena to take her place at the White House!
The Pope celebrated mass four times in Cuba this past week and urged Fidel Castro to grant the souls of his people more freedom. An obnoxious man was then heard calling the Pope a "weak, pathetic fool." His identity remains a mystery as Castro was not at the mass!
Kano this week was charged with a rather brutal double homicide of an ex-wife and the man she was seeing. The jealous Kano apparently slashed their throats with his famed knife. But there are reports that Kano's ex-wife and her companion were seen alive at a local airport. So to fight the new charges, Kano has hired Johny Cochran and come up with the new tag line "if the knife ain't red, the ho' ain't dead!"
Last weekend at Super Bowl XXXII, Stryker was hired to assist the security guards in keeping the peace. There were a couple of typical disturbances and wise guys, but one rabid, drunken fan actually ran onto the field and Stryker had to use extreme force to subdue him. No one is sure what happened to the fan, but witnesses heard a surprised Stryker say to him, "Sorry, I didn't know it was just you Mr. Favre!"
And finally Sub-Zero has been doing a lot of talking to the press about entering a career in professional sports and is the latest celebrity to receive an offer from the WWF to compete in Wrestlemania. We asked Sub-Zero if anyone in the WWF could take him. Sub-Zero replied, "No. I wear a mask that covers my ears so Mike Tyson should be no problem!"
In the new plans for Mortal Kombat 5, a new variety of finishing move is being developed that involves choking the opponent until his head explodes. This new move will be known as the Sprewellality!
The new reviews of the Mortal Kombat Annihilation film have been more negative than expected. Critics say it's too violent, has unnecessary sexual innuendos, and has an incredibly corny story line.
The rights to the MKA TV series were then immediately bought by Aaron Spelling!
People tend to make fun of Kitana because she is 10,000 years old, but that has not stopped her from entering the dating realm. But she has not had much choice in men and has been limited to dating younger guys. I guess Bob Dole wasn't available!
There was a major controversy over a recent infighting battle between Jax and Sonya. Their disagreements over how to deal with Jarek have left them at odds. Reports indicate Jax used tremendous muscle to knock Sonya out and then proceed to hack her up with the mechanical blades in his arms for a fatality, or as O.J. would call it, foreplay!
President Clinton announced he is sending additional relief to aid the starving victims of Somalia. Word is the people are getting so desperate for food they are beginning to eat the flesh of their dead. It appears we have now found the true origin of Reptile!
And finally movie star Johnny Cage has been the object of some new allogations that he is a homosexual spurned by his patented groin punch. Cage denies the rumors and in fact claims to have a new lovely lady in his life who he wishes to star alongside in his next film. Cage's request was obliged today when he was offered the starring role in Double Team II with Dennis Rodman!
Seperated At Birth ?!?!?!?!?
Shang Tsung & KISS
Quan Chi & Uncle Fester
Sindel & Elvira
Shao Kahn & Skeletor