TITLE:   Conhouse - Chapter Twenty One (sheesh)

e-mail Address:  ErinStone1@aol.com
RATING:  PG-13
CATEGORY:  Scully/Slash
SPOILERS: None
Keywords:  Scully Slash/Other Romance
Archiving:  You bet - just let me know where.

Disclaimer: Fox, Chris Carter and 1013 own them ALL, ***except Lena Conhouse,
she's mine, and of course, Wanda, who is mine in the literal sense.***

Comments are welcomed. Please send them to ErinStone1@AOL.com


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"He just signed off on our requests and handed them back to me. It was creepy
Scully."

She stared at Mulder across Lena's couch, sipping her wine. They had all
decided to meet back at Lena's and spend the night there, wanting to get an
early start on the 'vacation' the following morning. Lena had borrowed her
parent's RV for the trip and was stocking it with food as the other two had
arrived. They offered to help but Lena waved them off, promising a pontoon
ride when she finished packing.

"You know Mulder," Scully regarded him seriously, "he's got to wonder why
we're going on vacation together."

"Together?"

"You did tell him that didn't you?"

"Not in so many words." Mulder lowered his long lashes, waiting for his
scolding.

"Mulder! You lied to him?" Scully was irritated.

"I had to Scully. It would damage your career more than mine if he thought
something was going on between us." Mulder tried to appear apologetic.

Scully shook her head. "So how did you tell him he could get a hold of us?"

"Cell phones." Mulder replied, wincing slightly.

"And where does he think I'm going?" She gave him an icy stare.

Mulder looked out to the lake.

"Mulder?" Scully pushed him.

"One of those women-only pampering club med kinda things."

"Jesus Mulder." She squeezed her eyes shut. "And you? Where are you headed?"

"Pilgrimage."

"Let me guess·  Graceland?"

"Bingo."

Lena walked in, saving Mulder from further brow beating. "Hello playmates.
Ready to float?"

Mulder sprung from the couch relieved. "You bet."

Scully stood up, sighing. She smiled slightly at Lena as she walked between
the two of them and headed toward the steps. "Yeah. I'm going to change."

Lena stopped her descent down the stairs by saying seriously, "Scully?"

Scully turned on the steps to look from Mulder to Lena. "Yes?"

"Don't go changin'" Lena said.

And Mulder finished it up, "To try and please us·"

Scully rolled her eyes, dropped her head and finished her trip down the steps,
listening to the two of them laugh uncontrollably until she was out of ear
shot.

************************************************************

They lay on the pontoon sipping wine and talking.

"Hey Scully."

"Yes Mulder?"

"What's your most embarrassing moment?"

"You mean in my life time?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not sure."

"You have to have one. One earth-shattering moment in time?"

"Well, I might. But I can't think of it. Why don't you start?"

"I don't want to start. Lena, do you have one?"

"Oh yeah."

"Fess up girlfriend."

"I can't. It's too awful."

"Now you have to tell us."

"It will change your entire opinion of me."

"This is gonna be good." Mulder said, sitting up to face her.

"You sure you want to hear this?"

"Absolutely." Mulder said, rubbing his hands together.

Scully sat quietly, considering that she'd agreed to go on vacation with the
adult equivalent to Beavis and Butthead. The thought made her smile.

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you." Lena pointed at him and he actually
giggled.

Lena started her story: "I was twelve. My friend Sandy and I used to go to the
Rolladium every Saturday night because it was the only place our Dad's would
let us stay out late."

"Rolladium?" Scully said, and eyebrow lifted. She was sitting up now.

"Yep. Roller skating for young adults." Lena said, smiling at her. "We used to
roll around in a circle and she'd scope out the boys. I mainly just tried to
stay upright."

Scully laughed lightly.

"So anyway, the Rolladium only had one girl's bathroom. It was small and all
the 'burn-out' girls hung out in there. You know, the girls who never took
their coats off because they hid their cigarettes in them? They were a mean
crowd of about 20. They'd sit in there and smoke, in their street shoes no
less. It wasn't cool to roller skate for those girls. They were rough trade
even at 12 and 13 years old."

Mulder was already laughing and Lena stared at him for a minute. He said, "I
remember those girls. We had them too."

"Oh. So Sandy and I would do everything we could to avoid the bathroom. Not
only was it smoky and gross, but those girls would torment you if you were
actually there to roller skate, or god forbid you were considered a 'good
kid', which believe it or not, I was."

"I would cut out liquids for hours before going to the Rolladium. I was really
scared of the mean betties and I wanted to avoid the shitter as much as
possible. This particular night however, I really had to go. Sandy and I were
skating around, I think to the song "le freak"."

"You remember the song?" Mulder said.

Lena looked at him gravely; "I'll never forget it. And I told her I had to go
to the bathroom. She said, 'good luck'. Loyalty went into the crapper with her
and I if it involved a bathroom trip. I was on my own."

"I skated in there and the pack of evilenes said nasty stuff at me. You know,
like, 'loser', 'bitch', that kinda thing. Not too scary now, but when you're
twelve it's frightening. I rolled into a stall and shut the door. They would
pretend that they were trying to get in, shaking the door handle and stuff,
just mean. I kept one hand against the door the whole time. Anyway, I managed
to pee and stand up. I still had one hand against the door because they were
shoving on it."

Lena stopped her story, pressing her lips tightly together.

"Oh god." Scully said.

"Yeah." Lena replied. She stood up to illustrate what happened next. "So I'm
standing there and my pants and skivvies make the trip down my scrawny legs
and I'm suddenly bound at the ankles."

"Oh god." Scully said again, starting to laugh. She covered her mouth in an
effort to stop it.

"Yeah. And then my skate slipped." Lena stood in the middle of the pontoon,
ankles together and moved one foot forward. "Then my other skate slipped."

Scully was now laughing aloud.

"Then· both skates went out from under me. My feet shot out from underneath
the stall, my bare ass slapped on the linoleum and I tried to catch my fall
with my hands, but they slipped too· and both of my arms shot into the
toilet."

Mulder was on his hands and knees on the pontoon. He was silent for a second
then took in a breath and his laughter started to make noise. He was guffawing
loudly.

She finished the story: "AND, I hadn't flushed yet. AND, I was wearing a
sweater."

Both of the others were rendered useless with laughter. Lena continued:

"So there I was, my arms lodged in the toilet, all my business hanging out·
there was a silence in the bathroom for a couple of seconds, then, deafening
laughter. To make matters worse I couldn't get up. I'd pull my legs in but
they'd just roll out from under me when I'd try to stand. Meanwhile, urine was
soaking up my arms and across my chest·. It was awful."

Lena stopped the story, watching tears roll down Scully's face with intense
laughter. "This would have been so hard for me if you two weren't so
sympathetic." Lena's comment made the others laugh harder. "Really. There's so
much love here. I'm· well· I'm touched."

Mulder recovered enough to ask Lena how she got out.

"Well, I finally used my toe stops and managed to get my arms out of the
toilet. Not one of those bitches helped me. I sat on that toilet for 10
minutes, mortified. I had cigarette ashes and all matter of crap stuck to my
ass. I was just· a wreck. Finally I decided that I was just gonna get out of
there and face whatever it was they were going to do. I opened the stall door
and walked to the sink. They just stared at me, slack-jawed. I rinsed my
sleeves off in the sink and wrung them out, then rolled out of the bathroom
and went to the phones. I called my dad and told him I was ready to go home. I
found Sandy and we waited outside for my dad to show. I never told her what
happened and she fortunately knew better than to ask."

Lena sat quietly, watching them. She sipped her wine and smiled to herself.

"Oh my God Lena." Mulder said finally. "I can't top that. That's horrible."

"You asked Mulder. I told you it was bad. You were warned."

"Geez·" Mulder shook his head, still prone to bouts of laughter.

"Yeah, well, I need to go in now. I've purged my deepest embarrassment and I
feel the need to rest." Lena stood and turned on the motor. "We have an early
start tomorrow family."

She smiled at them as she made her way to the dock. Their laughter was such a
sweet sound.

-end-