Fight the Fantasy
by xf-stew
(xf-stew@geocities.com)

part three:  The Frightmare

I made coffee as she cleared the dishes from the table.  We listened to
the music over and over, each revolution merely heightening my
infatuation with it.  The two women sang with such intensity, style, and
heartfelt grace.  Their words were almost poetic.  Something about it
spoke to me as well, and every word said 'Scully.'

And that, more than anything else, made me fall in love with it.

We took our coffee back out on the patio.  The air had a definite chill
to it now, forcing us to don sweatshirts to ward it off.  I pulled my
chair around to sit beside her.  The candles between us had burnt to
mere stubs.  She held out her hand and I took it, rubbing the backs of
her fingers with my thumb.  There we sat, listening to the music and
looking up at the stars in contented stillness, together, she and I.
God, I love her.

Brandy came over, panting from whatever particular hell she'd been
raising, and sat at my side, leaning her furry body against my leg.
With my free hand, I reached down to scratch her head as we sat in our
chairs, sipping from our mu.

Out of the blue, a half-remembered thought hit me.  It had been with me
all that morning, but with the trip to the electronics store and the
Great Stereo Installation Debacle of '98, it had faded.  Now, I tried to
push it back out of my mind once again, for it was so silly and
irrational and just plain weird...but I couldn't help it, it was there.

"Hey Sculls, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she said easily, squeezing my hand a little.

"Well, it's kind of weird but, you see, I had this really strange dream
last night.  I don't know if you'd even call it a dream, it was more of
a nightmare.  I guess I'd even call it a frightmare, becuuse it really
creeped me out."

She regarded me with sympathetic eyes, "I didn't hear you wake up.  I'm
sorry.  Was it bad?"

Suddenly, I grew nervous, and extricated my hand from hers to rub my
palms together under the table.  I shouldn't have brought it up.  I
don't know why I did.  It was silly anyway.

"Kaz?  Was it bad?" she repeated.

"Well, yeah.  Pretty much.  At least, it was for me."

"What was it about?"

"It was really long and a whole bunch of weird stuff happened.  You
don't want to hear it all, but it just made me wonder about this
question I was going to ask, and--"

"What question, hon?" she asked, delicately sipping her coffee.

"Well, no...never mind.  It's really stupid.  Maybe I've just been
working too hard and it's making my dreams all weird.  Ever since, you
know, the cancer and how it was so unexpected and so awful and
everything, I've had these really stupid, irrational fears.  You know,
like 'expect the unexpected?'"

Oh god, I was rambling up a storm now and we both knew it and I just
couldn't stop my mouth and these words I barely even recognized as my
own kept pouring out: "I know I'm not making much sense right now, and
I'm ashamed to admit I was even thinking it but this freaky dream made
it jump into my head and it's never been there before and I--"

"Kaz--"

"--just had to ask because it was on my mind all morning and--"

"Kaz--"

"--I know it was just because of the dream, which was so vivid and clear
and it kind of clung to me even when it was over, and in the shower all
I could--"

"Kaz!" she said, leaning forward to catch my eyes, which had been firmly
planted on the coffee cup in her hands. "You're babbling, hon.  Just ask
me.  What do you want to know?"

I winced a little and ground my palms together a even harder.  They were
sweating now, and if I had one wish in the world it would have been to
turn the clock back five minutes so I could run and get some duct tape
to put over my mouth.  Then I'd never have started the inane
conversation.

She frowned, "What is it, Kaz?"

I took a deep breath, "I was just wondering if you've ever wanted to
kiss Mulder."

She blinked, "Excuse me?"

I slumped back in the chair, embarrassed as I repeated the question in a
dull monotone, "Have you ever been sexually attracted to Fox Mulder?"

The silence between us stretched for a full count of ten before she
suddenly burst into a fit of laughter so hysterical it almost made my
jaw drop.  Her dead was thrown back, exposing the soft, fair skin of her
slim neck.  Her chest heaved with the force of the fits and snorts of
uncontrolled laughter that poured out of her thin, tiny frame.

Finally getting a hold of herself, she wiped tears from her eyes and
said, "Oh Kaz, that's a good one.  Wherever did you get an idea like
*that?*"

I shrugged, still abashed, "Like I said, I had this dream."

"And in your dream I had the hots for Mulder?" she said, the amused
astonishment clear in her voice.

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call it 'the hots,' but there was this one
part...e-w-w-w.  God, Sculls, I don't even want to think about it."

She chuckled again and reached under the tablecloth for my hand.  She
laced my fingers between her own and held our linked hands in her lap.
It was a sweet, reassuring gesture, for she knew how much I liked
holding hands.

Gazing into my eyes, her expression grew only slightly more serious,
"Kaz honey, have you been harboring secret fears about me and my
partner?"

"No," I said immediately, and it was true. "Well...not that I knew of.
It never really occurred to me, you know?  I mean, you and I are in
love.  I *know* that.  I love you so very, very much and I don't doubt
for a second that you love me just as much."

"I do.  I love you more than anything in this world, Kaz.  Please don't
doubt that."

"I don't," I told her. "I never should have even asked this silly
question, I mean, it's so far-fetched I can't believe I even dreamed
about it.  But the dream was really realistic, you know?  It made me
wonder if, at some time, maybe long ago or something...well, it made me
wonder if there was some kind of...what do they call it?  Unresolved
sexual tension?  Yeah, I think that's the term.  I wondered if there was
some sexual tension between you and Mulder.  I've never noticed it,
myself, but maybe other people think it's there, and...hell, I don't
know what I'm saying.  Stupid, irrational fears, I guess.  I mean, sure,
he jokes with you, but that's just Mulder.  He says suggestive things to
a lot of attractive women."

She smiled, "I'm glad you think I'm attractive."

"Well, maybe just a little.  In the right light," I kidded.

For this, I received a punch in the arm.

"Hey, you know I'm just kidding," I told her, rubbing my arm and giving
her a quick kiss. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known,
Scully.  And inside, you're even more beautiful.  You know I think I'm
the luckiest woman in the world, don't you?"

She shook her head and smiled, "Nope.  *I'm* the luckiest."

"*I* am."

"No, I am."

"Are not."

"Am too."

"Are not."

She nudged me with her shoulder, "Okay, okay, we're equally lucky, all
right."

I scrunched my face up, thinking it over, "Well, all right.  Maybe it's
60-40, my favor."

"Shut up and tell me about this dream, you big lug."

"Ooh, I love it when you give me pet names."

"The dream," she prompted.

"The dream.  Okay, well, first of all, it wasn't a dream, it was a
frightmare.  Second of all, it was really weird."

"I think you mentioned that in your rambling, non-sensical monologue."

"Oh yeah, I did, didn't I?  Well, I guess the first strange thing about
it was that it was like a movie.  Usually, when you dream, you're doing
stuff, or you're somehow a part of it, right?  But in this one, I felt
kind of left out.  It was like a movie playing out in front of me and I
was left sitting all by myself in the middle of an empty theater."

"Empty, huh?" she said. "So I take it this movie you were watching was
kind of a bomb?"

"Hmm...I wouldn't say that.  I suppose it had all the elements of your
basic summer blockbuster.  There was plenty of running around and lots
of things blew up."

"Oh, then it would have surely been a hit," she said dryly.

"Yes indeed.  The plot was pretty involved, too. I mean, not to give my
subconscious too much credit or anything, but I must admit, it was
rather complex, for a dream.  Not for a real movie, but for a dream.
Actually, it made me wonder if I've been hanging out with you and the
Spookster too long.  You two were the stars of this dream, and it was
all about your life as well-dressed and handsome FBI agents relentlessly
searching for the truth amidst a deep, covert conspiratorial
organization who is working in cahoots with an alien race in order to
save their own skins from world domination."

"Hmm...sounds like a typical day at the office."

I grinned.

"And of course I had a starring role," she continued. "After all, I'm
naturally photogenic.  Can't you just picture me on the big screen?"

"Quite easily," I said truthfully.

She squeezed my hand and smiled.  The sight of it made my heart beat
faster and the blood race through my veins.  I had to think back to
remember where I was.

"You see though," I said, "the plot was good, for fiction, but it scared
the pants off of me."

"I thought you said you had this dream last night.  You weren't wearing
pants then, silly."

I kissed her briefly on the cheek, "Thank god."

She rewarded me with a return kiss before saying, "Go on."

"Okay, so I had this movie-dream, and you and Mulder were in it, but it
was totally warped, because in the middle...no, wait.  I don't want to
jump ahead.  I'll start at the beginning."

She sighed, obviously wanting me to get on with it, "Sure, fine, go on."

"Well, I would, but you keep interrupting me."

She arched a sarcastic eyebrow, "I'll try to refrain from interrupting
the bard while spinning her craft."

"A-ha!" I said, my eyes widening. "So you *have* picked up something
from watching all those episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess with me."

"Thank you for bringing *that* up again.  I can't believe you watch that
show, Kaz.  It's simplistic and medieval."

"It kicks ass, Sculls.  I love it.  I'm thinking of getting a chakram
myself.  I can tie it on the beltloops of my uniform pants and be Kaz:
Warrior Lawyer.  What do you think?"

"Ah yes, I can see it now.  You, traveling the countryside in your
Mustang, arguing for justice, plea bargaining for the less fortunate,
defending the rights of the constitutionally challenged...all for only
300 dollars per billable hour."

"Ha-ha, very funny.  And *so* like me, too.  But hey, if I ever did do
that, you could ride shotgun in the 'Stang and be my little Gabrielle.
How about it?"

"Hmm...would I get to wear a deerskin skirt and green halter top?"

Scratching my chin thoughtfully, I said, "Well, I'll think about it. I
like the image though..."Ouch!  Hey, keep smacking me in the arm like
that and you can forget about being my sidekick."

Apparently, that wasn't funny.  It only earned me another fist in the
bicep.

"The dream," she prompted once again.

"The dream.  Yes, where was I?"

"Not far."

"Thank you, my little love-muffin," I said jokingly, for she was
anything but a muffin.  She was mine though, and I was so very glad of
that.  The playful banter between us was fun, it reminded me that things
were back to normal, that she was no longer on the brink of death, and
that we had, once again, averted the disaster of separation.

"Okay," I continued. "So you and Mulder were on this bomb squad in
Texas.  Dallas, I think.  All the bad shit happens in Dallas, so it was
probably Dallas."

"Why would Mulder and I be on a bomb squad?"

"It's a dream, Scully.  Work with me here."

"Okay, okay.  I'll zip it.  Please go on."

I cleared my throat, thinking back over the small details, trying to get
them all straight. "So you're on the bomb squad, but--of course--Mulder
does whatever the hell he wants and you two go to another building and
start looking for the bomb there.  And see, the bomb really *is* there,
and Mulder finds it, and there are some details in there I can't
remember, but the building blows up."

"With me and Mulder in it?"

"Of course not.  You two got out, but it was damn close.  Too close for
me.  But you were wearing one of those cool windbreakers with the big
yellow 'FBI' on the back.  You looked really good in it."

"Thank you," she said, rubbing slow circles over the back of my hand.

"Yes, well, you know how windbreakers turn me on.  Anyway, back to the
frightmare.  So the building blows to high heaven, and you and Mulder
are called in front of this panel to give your statements.  Now, this is
where I was kind of thinking it was a dream.  You know, when you're
dreaming, and all of a sudden you figure out you're dreaming while
you're still dreaming?"

"Yes, I know that feeling."

"Good.  So I'm at the movies by myself, watching you being debriefed
by--and I swear this is who it was--Blythe Danner.  Well, Blythe Danner
wasn't *really* debriefing you.  I mean, she wasn't demanding you remove
your underwear or anything, but--"

"I think Blythe Danner is kind of hot, for an older woman, that is.  I
wouldn't mind her debriefing me."

I stared at her, my jaw hanging open in dumb wonder. "Oh.  My.  God."

She laughed and leaned over, resting her head on my shoulder, "I thought
that would get a rise out of you.  Go on with the story."

"Oh, like you can say something like that and just expect me to go on?"

She lifted her head, pulled my face toward hers, and kissed me slowly,
softly, gently.  Her lips were so very soft, like satin.  They nibbled
and kneaded and pulled on mine ever so sensuously.  She drew my lower
lip into her mouth and ran her tongue across it before dipping inside to
trace the line of my teeth.

I was wet in two seconds, tops.  My insides throbbed with every stroke
of her tongue against mine.  By mutual assent, the kiss grew deeper,
longer, and even more passionate.  How did she do this to me?  How did
she reduce me to a puddle of aching desire so quickly and so thoroughly?

I had no idea how she did it, but she did, and when she broke the kiss
and pulled away, I nearly groaned at the loss of such intimate contact.

"There, Ms. Insecurity," she said softly, her face still so very close
to mine. "Does that answer all your questions about the one I want to be
with?"

I swallowed and blinked, trying to clear the haze that had settled over
my eyes.  They were no doubt glassy with the head and instant desire
she'd infused me with.  My ears were warm and my pulse was racing and I
could hear my heart beating hard and fast in my chest.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to keep my voice from trembling as I
spoke, "I, um...yeah.  I guess it does."

She tucked a loose lock of hair behind my ear, "Tell me more about your
dream."

My eyes slipped shut as I sought her mouth once again.  To my surprise,
she pulled back slightly, saying, "Ah, ah, ah...not yet.  Tell me your
dream first."

"Scul-l-l-e-e-e," I pleaded, resting my hot forehead against hers. "I'll
tell you later.  Let's go inside now."

"I'm sorry I got you all hot and bothered, but I really think you should
tell me about the dream first."

"Why?"

"I want to know why you asked if I'm attracted to Mulder."

"Because in my dream you two were standing in his hallway looking deep
into each other's eyes and he was going to kiss you but a bee stung you
and fake paramedics came and hauled you away to, like, Antarctica or
some damn place.  Now, can we go upstairs?  Please?"

She frowned, "A bee?  I was stung by a bee?  What's *that* all about?
Your subconscious punishing me for almost kissing Mulder?"

I sighed, "I don't know, Sculls.  I'd just really like to go in now."

"Careful Kaz, you're starting to whine."

"I am not, "I whined, trailing one hand up and down her arm. "I just
really want to be with you right now.  Let's go to bed and not get any
sleep the entire night.  What do you say?"

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END OF PART THREE
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