From: "Jennifer T." <jenntou@excite.com>

Note to all who have been following this series.  The is the next
installment.  I did a little remnumbering for the web page

********************************************************

House of Cards - Chapter 19
by Jennifer T. Brooks
E-mail: Jenntou@excite.com

****************NC-17 Alert*************************

The cab dropped Dana Scully off at her car.  She was happy to
find it in one piece.  She got behind the wheel and headed in the
direction of her apartment when she realized that she didn't want to
go home.  Home held to many memories.  Home was personal. 
She didn't want personal.  She wanted anonymity.

Where could she go.  Her mother's house was out of the question. 
She once found emotional shelter at Maggie Scully's house, but no
more.  Although she and her mother had always had a somewhat
strained relationship, she had always known that if she had ever
needed her mother she would be there for her.  Not anymore.
Things could never be the way they were before. 

She was still angry at her mother for what she had done.  She
didn't know if she had it in herself to ever forgive her.  She
doubted it.  Although she tried her hardest to hate her, she
couldn't.  Deep down she still cared what her mother thought
about her. 

For the first time in her life Dana Scully felt out of control.  She
was no longer the one controlling her destiny.  Other people were.
She had tried so hard, for so long, to be what everyone expected
her to be.  She couldn't do it anymore, she just couldn't.  She was
tired of fighting them, tired of fighting herself. 

Looking back over her actions over the past few months she was
appalled by what she saw.  Scully's were not raised to behave the
way she had.  Her mother would be appalled if she had known
what she had been up to.  She hoped to God her mother never
found out. When had she lost that strong sense of self and become
a weak woman.

<I am not weak.>

<Yes, you are.>

<I'm strong.>

<Strong?  You think you are strong?  What the hell did you think
you were doing when you tried to seduce Walter Skinner?  Only a
weak pitiful woman would do that.>

<I don't know what I was doing.>

<That is the problem, Dana, you never do.  You should be
ashamed at what you have become.  Look at yourself.  You are a
skinny drunk loser who uses drugs.  Are you proud of yourself?  Is
this what you wanted to become?  Is this what you worked your ass
off in school to become?  Do you want to lose your job? Is this the
reason why you closed yourself off to so many people and
relationships?  Are you proud of yourself?>

<No, but it's not my fault.>

<When are you ever going to take responsibility for your actions? 
No one forced you to act like a drunk whore.  You are a better
person than this Dana.  Grow up and take responsibility for your
life and your actions.>

<I can't.  I'm not strong enough.>

<You are.>

<Scully is, but I'm not.>

She willed the internal battle in her mind to cease as she 
mindlessly drove her car in no particular direction, with no
specific destination in mind. 

Her mind replayed the events of the last 8 years.  She noticed that
somewhere along the way she started defining her life in terms of
events.  Before the X-Files,  before cancer, before Emily, before
and after her abduction, and before and after she found out that her
supervisor and former lover was her father.  This last life event
was the hardest to stomach.  She wished that if anyone in the
world had to be her father,  it wouldn't be him. Why did her mom
have to do that to her?

She found herself automatically driving towards Mulder's
apartment.

Mulder, no she couldn't go to his house.  He was
probably still at Walter Skinner's.  Besides, she couldn't face him
just yet.  The emotional wound he picked the scab from today still
hurt like hell.  She didn't know if she would ever be able to face
him.  He knew too much about her.  He knew how to hurt her.  She
didn't trust him enough not to hurt her even more. She hated him.

She needed to go somewhere where she couldn't be hurt even more
than she already was.   She didn't have many friends left, they all
seemed to be frightened away by her job or her lack of time for
them.  She was never good with making and keeping friends
anyway.  She supposed it went with being a Navy brat and  moving
every couple of years.  After so many moves she no longer had the
desire to make any new friends.  What difference did it make when
you were going to move and have to make new ones?  She
emersed herself in her studies instead.  Academics was the one
constant she had in her life.  Academics gave way to her job.  She
was thankful that she had her job, though she wasn't sure how
much longer that would last once it got out that she was Skinners
daughter and that they had an improper relationship.  She and
Walter were extremely discreet throughout their relationship, but
there had been times  when they had gone out to dinner together. 
She was sure that someone had to have seen them together
sometime.  In this age of high information technology almost every
minute of life is recorded in someway.  She could never be certain
that there weren't photographs or records of their phone
conversations.  ATM and credit card records could be accessed.
She hoped to god no one else knew.

Where could she go?  Should she just leave town and disappear to
forge a new life?  No, she was strong.  She could handle this, she
would handle this.  Just not right now.
*******************************************
Diana Fowler's Apartment
Watergate Complex
Sunday, September 12, 1999
8:30 pm

"Dana, this is a surprise." Diana Fowley said as she opened the
door to her apartment.

"I didn't know where else to go.  I'm sorry, I'll leave," Dana said as
she turned to leave.  She knew that it had been a mistake to go to
Diana's apartment.  But Diana's was the only place where she
could have gone.  Diana didn't know about her, yet.  She was sure
that it would only be a matter of time before Mulder told her the
awful truth.  Until then she could still be normal.

"No, no, come on in. You really look like you could use a friend
right now,"  Diana said as she gestured for Dana to enter her
apartment.

"This is really nice.  Not what I expected though," Dana said as
she looked around.

"What did you expect.  Floral and pastels?"

"Yeah I guess,"  Dana Scully said blushing.

"It's okay.  Nothing to be embarrassed about.  You  are not the first
person to have that opinion. I seem to recall Fox saying the same
thing when he saw my apartment for the first time."

"That's right, I forgot that you have known each other for a long
time."

"It hasn't been that long, Dana." She gestured for Dana to take a
seat.

"How long have you known him?"

"Since the late 80's."

"Did you know his wife?"

"Yes, I did." She was uncomfortable with the turn the conversation
had taken.

"What was she like?" Why was she even asking about Mulder.  She
was supposed to hate him.

"Dana, I really don't feel comfortable talking about Fox Mulder
and his ex-wife with you.  If you want to know those details about
his life, you're going to have to ask him."

"I'm sorry for being nosy, it's just that I find it kind of odd that he
never told me he was married."

"That's just like Mulder to forget to tell someone something like
that."

"I don't think he forgot, Diana.  He said he didn't trust me enough
to tell me that he was married.  Anyway, enough about him."  She
didn't know why she was here.  At the time it sounded like a good
place to come, but now in the cold light of day she thought that she
had made a mistake.

 "I'm sorry for coming here and interrupting your evening, Diana. 
I'll leave," She said as she got up off the couch.

Diana went over to her and grabbed her arm, "Stay, Dana.  I don't
have any plans.  You weren't interrupting anything."

"Are you sure?"

"I am positive. Forgive me for being so forward, but would you
like to do something?"

"Sure, that sounds nice." It would give her more time to put off
the real issues that she was going to have to deal with. 

"What would you like to do?"

"It doesn't matter, really. I just want to do something normal." 
Normal, that was an odd choice of words, Diana thought to herself.

"How about we get something to eat and then go to a movie?"

"Sounds good to me."

*****************************************************
Diana Fowler's Apartment
Watergate Complex
Monday, September 13, 1999
6:30 am

Dana Scully woke up to find arms around her, a woman's
arms specifically.

<Oh my god, what have I done,> Scully thought.

She felt the arms tighten around her and slowly caress her breasts. 
She realized that she did not have any clothes on and the
memories of last night came flooding through her mind. 

<I had sex with Diana.>
<Shit!>
<Shit!!>
<Shit!!!>

She remembered going out to dinner with Diana at Red Lobster
and then to the local cinema to see an art feature.  She
was glad to see that she and Diana had the same taste in
restaurants and movies.  She was having a nice time with Diana,
and was surprised to find herself feeling drawn to the older agent,
almost attracted.

During the movie there was a brief sex scene.  Dana imagined
what it would be like to kiss Diana on the lips, to hold her in her
arms.  She started blushing at her thoughts and she was certain
that Diana could pick up on it.  

After the movie, Dana drove Diana back to her apartment and was
invited up for a night cap.  She should have refused, but she didn't
want to go home yet.  She didn't want to be alone. She didn't want
to face her demons.  Not yet.

One drink led to another, as she found herself opening up to Diana,
telling her things that she never really cared to talk about.  Diana
seemed interested in her as a person.  Diana seemed like she cared
about Dana Scully as a whole, not just Dana or Scully as other
people did.  For the first time in years she felt as if she were a
whole person.  She felt normal.  Almost. 

She talked to Diana for hours, about mostly mundane things,
things in retrospect which were probably completely normal things
for normal people to talk about.  Movies.  Cars.  Men.  Food. 
Music.  Diana seemed like she was genuinely interested in what
Scully had to say.

At one point in the conversation, Diana reached over to push the
hair out of Dana's eyes.  It seemed so natural for her to be doing
that.  She noticed that Diana's fingers lingered on her forehead a
little longer than necessary.  She felt a pounding in her chest, time
seemed to stop and all that mattered was that Diana was touching
her.  Another woman was touching her and it felt good.  It felt
right.

She looked up into Diana's brown eyes to tell her that it was okay
that she was touching her.  It was allowed.  Diana let her fingers
move lower as she traced Dana's jaw line, her nose and then her
lips with her fingers. She couldn't believe that she was touching
Dana Scully's magnificent face, and that Dana was letting her. 
Dana slid the tip of her tongue through her parted lips and gently
tasted Diana's fingers.  She tasted remnants of the large buttered
popcorn they shared at the movies. 

"No, this is not okay," Diana said as she quickly withdrew her
fingers and moved away from Dana on the couch.

"What's wrong Diana?  Why did you stop?"

"Because it's not right.  You're straight, Dana.  You have made it
perfectly clear to me on numerous occasions that you like men.
Not women."

"I used to think that, but now I don't know.  This feels right,"
Dana said to her honestly as she took Diana's hand her hers.

"You are just confused right now, Dana.  It is perfectly normal. 
Why don't you take some time to think about what you really feel,
what you really want.  You have been through a lot in these past
few weeks, it is understandable that you are seeking out comfort
wherever you can get it." 

"No, I want this."

"You just think that you do.  I care for you too much as a friend
to let you do this."

"It's my life, Diana.  I make my own decisions and this is what I
want," She said as she moved closer to Diana on the couch and
lightly traced her face with her fingers.

Diana moaned into Dana's touch. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," Dana said smiling as she moved closer to kiss Diana.

Diana opened her mouth to let Dana's probing tongue in.  She
tasted of a mixture of brandy, coca cola and popcorn.  It was a
taste that she had never experienced before and wouldn't soon
forget.  Boldly she reached up and embraced Dana's face in both
of her hands as she returned the kiss.

Five minutes into the kiss, a very flushed Diana paused for air. 

"What's wrong?  Why did you stop?" Dana asked.

"Do you always talk this much?" Diana asked as she pulled Dana
closer to her and invaded her mouth once again.  She slowly
caressed Dana's back through the thin sweater she was wearing. 
Bra fastens in front, where her only thoughts.

Dana, following Diana's lead, went one step further.  She slowly
undid the top three buttons on Diana's button-down oxford shirt. 
Diana, stunned, pulled out of the kiss.

"Are you sure?"

"As sure as I have ever been about anything," Dana replied as she
suddenly got the courage to finish unbuttoning the rest of the shirt. 
Diana helped her take the shirt off.  Dana leaned back and brought
her sweater over her head, tossing in onto the rug.

Diana looked at Dana through  hooded eyes as she reached to
unfasten her bra.  She had seen Dana's naked breasts before, but
this was not the same.  This was a very aroused, sexually excited
Dana Scully, and she was the one that put her in this condition.

Dana tried to unfasten the clasp on Diana's bra but was having a
hard time. Diana reached behind and quickly undid the clasp
herself, leaving the cups still covering her breasts.  She allowed
Dana the pleasure of removing them.  Dana nervously lowered the
bra straps on Diana's arms slowly revealing what was hidden from
the world on a daily basis.

"Oh," Dana muttered. She had not expected Diana to be so large. 
She suddenly felt very inadequate.  Diana sensed her hesitation.

"What's wrong, Dana? I am sure that you have seen other women's
breasts before."

 "Yes, but this is different.  Yours are much larger than I
expected," She said frankly.

"I tend to have that effect on people.  It's the minimizer bra, hides
what's underneath."

"Why would you want to hide them?"  To her, Diana had the
perfect set of breasts.  Nice and large like men wanted, with
beautiful, proportional nipples and areola's.

"So people don't stare at them all day.  It is hard enough working
daily in a man's environment.  I want to be known by my
intelligence and capabilities, not my bra size."

"If I had these, " Dana said as she lightly traced Diana's nipples
with her fingers, "I would want everyone to see them."

"Shut up Dana," Diana said as she gently took one of Dana's
nipples into her mouth and gently sucked on it.

"Oh my god," Dana muttered as she clutched Diana's shoulders.

"Do you want me to stop," Diana teased as she let the nipple out of
her mouth.

"Oh god, no," Dana said as she pushed Diana's mouth back onto
her nipple.  She could not believe that she was making out with
another woman and that it felt so good.

Diana placed one hand on Dana's knee and continued suckling on
her breasts.  Slowly the hand made its way up her thighs to the
crotch of Dana's jeans.  She felt a dampness as she slowly began to
rub back and forth.  Back and forth.  Back and forth.   Dana began
to push her body weight down on Diana's hands, rocking back and
forth.  


Back and forth she rocked, faster and faster.

"Harder," Dana moaned, "Harder." 

The harder Diana pressed on her center, the faster Dana rocked.

"Oh God.  Oh God.   I'm going to cum.
Jesusmarymotherofgodiamgoingtocome," Dana said as she started
to cum.  Diana felt Dana's thighs clench around her hand and wrist
and heard her scream.  She had never made anyone scream before. 
Not like that.  

"Thank you.  Of god, thank you." Dana said as she came back
down to earth.  Diana gathered her in her arms and hugged her. 
Dana returned the hug, still trembling from her intense orgasm.

"Would you like to take a shower?" Diana asked not knowing what
else to say.  What do you say to someone you have  just gotten off
with your hand and you know that it was a mistake?  I'm horny as
hell and need some, how about reciprocating? No, that was a little
to forward.  It was probably best to act like nothing happened. 

What the hell had she just done?

"Yes, a shower sounds like a good idea," Dana said as she laid
back against the cushions of the couch trying to catch her breath. 
She made no effort to cover her nakedness. 

Diana quickly got up off the couch and grabbed a towel and some
clean clothes for Dana to change into and then led her into the
bathroom.  Diana had planned on letting Dana Scully shower
alone, but Dana apparently had other plans.  Diana was pleasantly
surprised.  She didn't think that Dana would go this far.

Dana quickly removed her jeans and underwear and reached for 
the snap and zipper on Diana's. 

Both women looked each other's bodies up and down.

"So do I pass inspection?" Dana asked.

"You more than pass, Dana.  Do you realize how beautiful and
desirable you are?"

"So I have been told," She joked.

"And just how many people have told you this?" Diana questioned. 
There was no doubt about it, she was jealous

"Oh just a couple.  It didn't mean anything," She said as she
stepped into the bathtub and Diana stepped in behind her.  Diana
reached around her to turn on the shower nozzle.  Both women
stood in the shower in complete silence for several minutes.  

"Dana, why did you come to my apartment tonight?" Diana asked.

"Can we please not talk about that," Dana said as she turned
around and gently placed her hands on Diana's face, lightly tracing
her cheekbones.  Diana closed her eyes and relaxed as the water
ran down her face and body.  Diana was completely still as Dana
began her exploration of her. She felt fingers tracing her neck, a
slight sucking on her neck.  Very gentle, but oh so erotic.

Fingers slowly moved down to touch her collarbone.  Diana didn't
know whether she considered this exploration the best full body
massage she had ever received, or the most intense foreplay of her
life.
 
She kept her eyes closed and enjoyed the experience. She was not
disappointed.

Slowly the fingers traced around her breasts, slowly circling them. 
Around and round.  Round and round.  Diana wanted her nipples
to be touched so badly that she tried to move and force Dana's
fingers to come into contact with her aching nipples.  The
combination of the water running down her chest, tactile
stimulation and the heat of the shower was making her horny as
hell.  She couldn't take this much longer.  She opened her eyes to
find Dana staring at her in intense concentration.  Dana was
slightly embarrassed to see that Diana was watching her.

Diana leaned forward and gently kissed Dana on the mouth.  Dana
opened her mouth and allowed her tongue access, while she
continued her exploration.  What began as a gentle kiss escalated
into a passionate and at times violent struggle for control.  Both
women were desperate for control of each other, for control of the
situation.

Diana pushed Dana up against the wall of the shower as she
assaulted her breasts with her mouth and tongue.  She slowly
tugged one nipple into her mouth while kneading the other breast
with her hand.  She gently bit down on the bud causing Dana to
moan loudly, "I want you.  Now."

Diana began to slowly kiss her way down Dana's body.  She knelt
on the floor of the shower in front of Dana and slowly ran her
fingers up and down Dana's thighs.  Up and down.  Up and down.  

She looked up to Dana for any signs of resistance.  Dana's head
was thrown back and her eyes closed.  She was gently tugging on
one of her own nipples.  Diana was so turned on by the sign of her
self-stimulation that she was overcome by the need to touch
herself.   She spread her center gently with one hand and slowly
touched herself with her other hand.  She wanted, no she needed,
to get off and to get off soon.  This was sexual torture.  

Dana looked down to see why Diana was no longer touching her
and discovered that she was masturbating on the floor of the
bathtub.  Dana knelt down in front of her and tentatively touched
her thigh.  

"Oh God," Diana muttered over and over as she worked her
fingers faster and faster over her core.  Dana had never seen
another female masturbate and was fascinated by it.  She wanted
to be the one to bring Diana to orgasm, though.  She boldly
reached out and touched Diana's sex very gently.  Diana withdrew
her own hands and watched in amazement as Dana Scully parted
her with one hand and gently ran a finger up and down her
slickened pussy with her other hand.

"Faster."

"Faster."

"Faster," Diana muttered as she laid back down on the floor of 
the bathtub.  She turned her head to the side and noticed that she
could see a ring around the tub.  Oh well, she didn't predict that
she would ever be fucking in the tub.  She'd clean it later.

Dana worked her fingers faster and faster over Diana's core. She
worked Diana's clitoris at the same pace she liked when she
touched herself.  Diana didn't seem to be complaining.  

Faster.  Faster. Faster.  

Diana suddenly moaned and went still.  She reached to Scully and
pulled her into an embrace, slowly kissing her.  Dana returned the
kiss, feeding the passionate fire.  Diana motioned for Dana to take
her spot on the floor.  Dana did as instructed with curious eyes. 

Diana kissed her passionately once again, while she parted the
folds of skin in Dana's sweet apex and proceeded to touch her. 
Dana moaned into the kiss and placed her hand on top of Diana's
showing her how she liked to be touched.   

Diana suddenly broke the kiss, knelt down in front of Dana and ran
her tongue over her swollen clitoris before Scully knew what was
happening.  The synapses controlling Dana's Scully's thought
processes ceased to function as she gave herself over to Diana,
entirely.  For the first time in her life, she went with what she was
feeling, and not what she was thinking.  She gave herself entirely
over to Diana and she trusted that she would not hurt her.

Dana Scully had the most powerful orgasm of her life, and another
woman was the one that brought her that pleasure.

In the cold light of the morning sun, knowing that she had so
willingly given herself over to someone else was unsettling.  She
wasn't gay. She didn't like women!  Did she?  She felt Diana
stirring beside her in the bed and touching her.

<I have to get out of here.>

She quickly got out of the bed, found her clothes and dressed.  She
wrote Diana a quick note and left it on the kitchen counter where
she was be sure to find it.

     Diana,

     I'm sorry.  This was a mistake.  Please forgive me.

     D.

  
She closed the door behind her knowing that she had made the
biggest mistake in her life.

*******************************************************

End of chapter 19