The Package



Written by: Jennifer Grittenden
Directed by: Andy Akerman
Broadcasted: October 17, 1996 for the first time.
Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards,
Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Heather Campbell (as Sheila), and Wayne Knight (as Newman).


[Setting: Doctor's Office]

(Elaine is waiting for the doctor. A nurse comes by, and drops of Elaine's medical history, then leaves. Elaine looks into her file)

ELAINE: (Reading) Difficult?

(Doctor walks in)

DOCTOR: Elaine, you shouldn't be reading that. (Takes it from her) Now, tell me about this, uh, rash of yours.

ELAINE: Uh, well, it's, it's.. you know, I noticed that someone wrote in my chart that I was difficult in January of '92, and I have to tell you I remember that appointment exactly. You see, this nurse had asked me to put a gown on, but there was a mole on my shoulder, and, acutally, I specifically worn a tank top so I wouldn't have to put a gown on.. you know.. they're made of paper..

DOCTOR: Well, that was a long time ago. How about if I just erase it? (Erases it with a pencil) Now, about that rash..

ELAINE: (Unsatisfied) But, it was in pen.. you fake erased..

DOCTOR: Alright, Miss Benes. This doesn't look too serious. You should be fine. (Starts writing in her chart)

ELAINE: What are you writing?

(Doctor walks out, still writing)

ELAINE: Doctor?

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Photo store]

(George is getting a set of developed photos back)

SHEILA: Here you go. (Hands George's photos to him)

GEORGE: Thanks.

SHEILA: I hope you got that mustard stain out of your shirt.

GEORGE: O- oh. (Smiles flirtingly)

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Jerry's apartment]

KRAMER: Jerry, what's the matter with your stereo?

JERRY: I don't know. What's the matter with your stereo?

KRAMER: I traded it to Lomez for some steaks.

(Enter George)

GEORGE: Hey.

JERRY: Hey.

KRAMER: Now, see, this is busted.

JERRY: No, it works. (Gets up)

KRAMER: It's busted.

JERRY: Watch out. Let me show you. All you gotta do is, (pulls a screwdriver out of a drawer) you gotta jiggle it with this screwdriver. (Goes to do it)

GEORGE: Smile. (Takes a picture of Jerry)

JERRY: What are you doing?

GEORGE: I met this, uh, woman - Sheila. She works down at the, uh, on-hour photo place. She's got this incredible smile. It's like she has too many teeth, or something.

JERRY: Oh, extra teeth. I love that look.

GEORGE: And check this out: I go to pick up my pictures, and she says, "I hope you got that mustard stain out of your shirt."

JERRY: What mustard stain?

GEORGE: Don't you see? She's looking at my pictures.

JERRY: Why'd you take a picture of a mustard stain?

GEORGE: That's got nothing to do with this.

JERRY: I see.. she's looking.

GEORGE: Yeahhh.

KRAMER: (Talking about the stereo) Jerry, you gotta get this thing fixed.

JERRY: They've tried to fix it. It keeps coming back the same.

KRAMER: Would you be interested in a refund?

JERRY: Well, I, I can't get a refund. The warranty expired 2 years ago.

KRAMER: Ye, ye, - would you be interested?

JERRY: How would you..

KRAMER: (Interrupting) Na, na, na - Would you?

JERRY: Well, I guess I would.

KRAMER: Yeah, yeah.

(Enter Elaine)

ELAINE: You are not going to believe what happened to me at the doctor's office today.

JERRY: Not the gown again.

ELAINE: No, no. I was looking at my chart, and it said that I was difficult. Why would they write that?

JERRY: They've gotten to know you.

ELAINE: And then the doctor writes some more stuff down there, and doesn't even look at my rash.

GEORGE: So why don't you find a doctor that doesn't know you're difficult?

ELAINE: Oh, come on. I'm not difficult. I'm easy.

JERRY: Why? Because you dress casual and sleep with a lot of guys?

ELAINE: Listen to me, you little sh..

GEORGE: (Cutting Elaine off) Smile! (Takes a picture)

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Doctor's office]

DOCTOR: Elaine, you, uh, really didn't have to put on the gown.

ELAINE: Oh, it's my pleasure. I love these. You know, in fact, I've got one at home. It's perfect when you just wnat to throw something on.

(Nurse walks in, hands Elaine's file to the Doctor)

ELAINE: (To nurse) Hi!

(Nurse leaves)

DOCTOR: All righty. Let me just review your history before we begin.

ELAINE: Ohh.. where did you get my chart?

DOCTOR: From your last Doctor. It's standard procedure. (Thumbs through it)

ELAINE: You know, I can tell you my whole history, let's just.. (He stops her with a gesture, then acts as if he read something disturbing)

DOCTOR: Ok. Let's take a look. (Looks briefly) Well, that doesn't look too serious. You'll be fine. (Gets up)

ELAINE: No, please, please! But, it's really, really itchy.

DOCTOR: (Frowns) Ahem.. (pulls out a pen, and starts writing on Elaine's chart)

ELAINE: Oh, no..

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Jerry's apartment]

(There's a knock at the door, Jerry opens it)

POSTAL WORKER: Seinfeld?

JERRY: Yeah.

POSTAL WORKER: Got a package for you. Sign here. (Holds out a clipboard)

JERRY: Oh. Who's it from?

POSTAL WORKER: No return address.

JERRY: What if I don't want it?

POSTAL WORKER: Are you refusing delivery?

JERRY: Maybe I am.

POSTAL WORKER: Why would you do that?

JERRY: I've never done it before.

POSTAL WORKER: Why start now?

JERRY: Why not?

(They both look at eachother from the corner of their eyes, judging eachother)

POSTAL WORKER: Alright. (Walks off)

(Enter George)

GEORGE: Why'd you refuse that? Everybody loves a package.

JERRY: I don't know. It was weird. Crazy printing.. I don't know who it's from.

GEORGE: So, what do you think? It's a bomb?

JERRY: It's not totally impossible.

GEORGE: Huh, huh - ho! The ego on you!

JERRY: Why can't I be bombable?

GEORGE: Who's gonna bomb you? An airline? For all the stupid little peanut jokes?

JERRY: Oh, I suppose you think you're bombable.

GEORGE: Hey, there's a couple of people who wouldn't mind having me out of the way.

JERRY: There's more than a couple.

GEORGE: So check these out. (Takes out some photos) I just picked them up from Sheila. She must have loved these! (Laughs)

JERRY: (Looking at one) You don't have a Mercedes.

GEORGE: I know. I just sort of leaned on it, so it would look like it was mine.

JERRY: The driver seems a little put out.

GEORGE: No, he was fine with it. Here, check this one out. (hands Jerry a photo)

JERRY: Is that Burt Reynolds?!

GEORGE: Wax museum.

JERRY: Oh.

(George looks at the next photo, it features a near naked woman)

GEORGE: Woah! Wha- what is this?!

JERRY: That's a lot of skin!

GEORGE: This must be Sheila from the photo place!

JERRY: You can barely see her face.

GEORGE: Oh, she must have slipped it in here.

(Kramer walks in, see the photo)

KRAMER: Aye-yi-yi!

GEORGE: (Smiling) Photo store Sheila.

KRAMER: Well, hello, photo store Sheila!

GEORGE: (Gathers the photos) All right, I will see you boys later.

JERRY: Where are you going?

GEORGE: To ask her out.

KRAMER: No, no. You're not playing the game!

GEORGE: What game?

KRAMER: She goes to these lengths to entice you, and you're only response is, (Said like a doofus) "Gee, I really like your picture, would you like to go on a date with me, please?"

GEORGE: No good?

KRAMER: George, it's the timeless art of seduction! You gotta join in the dance. She sends you an enticing photo, you send her one right back.

GEORGE: Oh, I don't know.

KRAMER: Well, as you know, I've always been something of a photog.

JERRY: (Sarcastic) Oh, yeah, I like this idea.

(Scene ends)
[Setting: NYC Street]

(Jerry's Uncle Leo meets up with the package deliverer)

LEO: Hey, Danny! Hello! How are ya?!

DANNY: Hey, Leo. Hey, what's with your nephew? He wouldn't accept a package.

LEO: Oh, he wants it. He's just trying to be funny. Yeah, I'll sign for it.

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Taxi Cab]

ELAINE: And then he started writing on my chart.

GEORGE: So why don't you just get a hold of it, and change what you don't like?

ELAINE: You can't change your chart. It's your chart.

GEORGE: I'm in and out of my personel file at work all the time.

ELAINE: You are?

GEORGE: Hey, I've kept the same job for over 2 years. It's not luck. (Changing subject) Elaine, have you ever sent a racy photograph of yourself to anyone?

ELAINE: Yeah.. I sent one to everyone I know. You remember my Chirstmas card? (Starts itching her rash)

GEORGE: Oh, right. The nipple (Smiles to himself, Elaine looks disgusted at him) Ah, but, uh, aside from that - how did you feel about Kramer's work?

ELAINE: Oh, actually, I thought he was very professional.

GEORGE: So, it was a good experience?

ELAINE: Oh, yeah. In fact, I liked the picture so much, I cropped out the nipple, and I'm using it for my health club I.D.

GEORGE: Nice.

ELAINE: yeah, it is nice, actually.

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Waiting room]

ELAINE: (Itching) Please, I've got to see Dr. Berg right away! This rash is spreading.

RECEPTIONIST: He can't see you, Miss Benes. He's busy.

ELAINE: Oh, come on! Have some compassion. (Receptionist leaves, Elaine picks up the receptionist's, phone and rubs it all over her rash) Well, I hope it's contagious, then. (Sees her file on the desk. Grabs it, and runs for the elevator. She pushes a button, but the elevator doesn't move) Come on! Move! (The doors slide open. Dr. Berg and two assistants are waiting there) Oh, hi, Dr. Berg. I didn't know if..

DOCTOR: The chart, Miss Benes. (Holds out his hand)

ELAINE: Oh, here. (She hands the chart to him, he writes some more stuff down) Oh, please! No more.

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Jerry's apartment]

(George enters)

JERRY: Hey.

GEORGE: Where's Kramer?

JERRY: He went to get some steak sauce. Why?

GEORGE: Personal matter.

(Phone rings)

JERRY: (Answering it) Hello?

LEO: (On the other line) Jerry! It's your uncle Leo! Hello!

JERRY: Hello, Leo. You don't have to yell!

LEO: I got your package.

JERRY: How did you get my package?

GEORGE: Leo's got your package?

LEO: What should I do with it?

JERRY: I don't know what you should do with it.

GEORGE: Tell him to open it!

JERRY: I'm not going to treat my uncle like a bomb diffusing robot!

LEO: Jerry, your cousing Jeffrey's in the park's production of The Micado. I want you to come see it with me.

JERRY: (Irritated by Uncle Leo) Open the package, Uncle Leo.

LEO: Okay... Opening! (Suddenly, a huge explosion can be heard from the phone. Jerry and George exchange shocked looks)

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Jerry's apartment]

(Elaine is on Jerry's phone, she's scratching all over)

ELAINE: (To Jerry) So, it wasn't a bomb?

JERRY: (Disappointed) No, no bomb.

ELAINE: Well, then what?

JERRY: Oh, stupid Leo.. He was using one of those oven cleaners..

ELAINE: Yeah..

JERRY: He left the canister in there, the pilot light was on - the whole thing blew up.

ELAINE: But he's okay?

JERRY: Yeah, but the explosion singed of his eyebrows, mustache, everything. He's all smooth now. Looks like a seal.

ELAINE: (Into the phone) Yeah, Hi! Yeah, I'm still holding.

JERRY: (Opens a package and finds a disassembled stereo) Is this my stereo?

(Enter Kramer. He sees the stereo)

KRAMER: Oh, hey. You got it.

JERRY: Hey! What happened to my stereo? It's all smashed up!

KRAMER: That's right. Now it looks like it was broken during shipping. And I insured it for 400 dollars.

JERRY: but you were suppose to get me a refund.

KRAMER: You can't get a refund. Your warranty expired 2 years ago.

JERRY: So we're gonna make the post office pay for my new stereo, now?

KRAMER: It's a write-off for them.

JERRY: How is it a write-off?

KRAMER: They just write it off.

JERRY: Write it off what?

KRAMER: Jerry, all these big companies.. they write-off everything.

JERRY: (Matter-of-factly) You don't even know what a write-off is.

KRAMER: Do you?

JERRY: No. I don't.

KRAMER: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off. (Goes back into Jerry's room)

JERRY: I wish I had the last 20 seconds of my life back.

(Kramer secretly runs out of Jery's apartment with a fan)

ELAINE: (Into the phone) What? Wha? He doesn't have one appointment this whole month? Oh, come on! I'm dying here, man! (Other line hangs up) Hello? Hello? (hangs up)

JERRY: Still no luck?

ELAINE: Jerry, that was Dr. Zimmerman. I am at the end of the alphabet!

JERRY: There's no, uh, Zorn, or Zutrov?

ELAINE: They're on vacation. Every doctor in the city seems to know who I am. (Picks up a kitchen brush and starts scratching her rash with it)

JERRY: Hey, what about Dr. Resnick? My Uncle Leo's going to see him tomarrow.

ELAINE: Dr. Resnick? He's not listed.

JERRY: He's not that good.

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Kramer's apartment]

(The apartment is set up like a photo shoot. George is wearing an undershirt and boxers)

GEORGE: Elaine said, uh, you were pretty good at this stuff.

KRAMER: Oh, yeah, yeah. Elaine was a fun project. I enjoyed working with her. (He's messing with George's camera)

GEORGE: You don't have your own camera?

KRAMER: Oh, no, no. (The lens zooms out) Oh, boy.. look at this. Yeah, okay. This looks good. Very, very good. (Gets up to get an angle on George) Alright, I like what you're wearing.

GEORGE: I feel fat.

KRAMER: (Reassuringly) No, no. You're stout. The camera loves stoutness. Look, we're not going to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. The key word is "tasteful". Now, I want you to relax, and have fun. Because, you're a fun guy. (George smiles) All right! Let's do it, huh? Yeah! (Turns on music and the fan. George starts posing on the bed. Kramer starts taking pictures) Come on! Feel the beat! Feel the beat! All right! (Overlooks the situation) You know, you've got some real strong pecs, but it's hard to tell under that T-shirt..

GEORGE: You want me to take it off?

KRAMER: Well, I don't know.. It's up to you.

GEORGE: You think it would be better if I did?

KRAMER: It might be.. I mean, whatever.

GEORGE: Alright! (Takes his shirt off, and poses)

KRAMER: (Starts taking pictures) Come on, George, That's it, that's it! Come on, give it to me! Come on, work it, work it, yeah! Own it, own it, yeah! come on, be a man! Be a man!

(Cuts to Jerry in the hallway, he can hear Kramer: "You are a lover boy, you are a lover boy!")

JERRY: (Sarcastic) Oh yeah, this can't miss.

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Elaine's apartment]

(Elaine is asleep, the phone rings - waking her up)

ELAINE: Hello?

VOICE: Is this Elaine Marie Benes?

ELAINE: Um, yeah. Who's this?

VOICE: We're with the American Medical Association. The AMA. Can you confirm the correct spelling of your last name? Is it B-E-N-E-S?

ELAINE: Yeah. Wha- what is this all about?

VOICE: Good bye.

ELAINE: Hello? Hello?

VOICE: What?

ELAINE: Oh, uh..

VOICE: (Rudely) Get off the line. We're trying to make another call.

ELAINE: Oh, sorry. (Hangs up)

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Doctor's office]

(Elaine walks in)

LEO: Elaine? Hello! What are you doing here?

ELAINE: Has the doctor been in yet?

LEO: No, I'm gonna ask him about my eyebrows.

ELAINE: Ok, listen, Leo. You're hairless, you're scared. When the doctor comes in, you just let me do the talking, okay?

LEO: Okay.

(Enter Doctor)

DOCTOR: Leo, I understand you had a little mishap.

LEO: It was a fireball.

ELAINE: I never should have left him alone.

DOCTOR: And who are you?

ELAINE: I'm his nurse, .. Paloma.

LEO: You're not my nurse!

ELAINE: (Whispering to Doctor) He has good days.. and bad.

DOCTOR: So, what seems to be the problem?

LEO: Are my eyebrows gonna grow back?

ELAINE: (Adding) And he seems to have a bit of a rash.

DOCTOR: Really?

ELAINE: Yeah.

DOCTOR: Well, there's been a bit of that going around lately.. will you excuse me a minute.. Paloma? I'm just going to, uh, get some ointment. (Leaves)

ELAINE: I don't like this. This is too easy.

LEO: Elaine!

ELAINE: Shut up! I think he's on to us. (Peers out the door, sees the doctor talking on the phone)

LEO: Elaine, what about my eyebrows?!

ELAINE: Here, here, shhhh. (Pulls a marker out of her purse and starts drawing in Leo's eyebrows)

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Post office]

JERRY: I don't like this, Kramer. (To a postal worker) Will it be much longer?

POSTAL WORKER: I'm sorry. It looks like the claim has been red-flagged. You're under investigation.

JERRY: Investigation?

(Newman sidles up behind Jerry)

NEWMAN: Hello, Jerry.

JERRY: (Irritated) Hello, Newman.

NEWMAN: Kramer, you, uh, might as well run along. Jerry may be a while. Suspicion of mail fraud.

KRAMER: Mail fraud? You're in a lot of trouble, buddy. (Pats Jerry on the back, and leaves)

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Doctor's office]

(Leo is waiting, fake eyebrows in and angered state are printed on his face. The doctor enters)

DOCTOR: Leo, I've got your ointment. Where's your - where's your nurse?

LEO: She left.

DOCTOR: (Sees Leo's eyebrows) Woah, woah.. No need to get angry. Calm down.

LEO: I am calm.

DOCTOR: Leo, I don't care for your demeanor.

LEO: (Confused) Demeanor?

DOCTOR: Oh, now you're just being difficult. (Starts to write on Leo's file)

LEO: What are you writing?

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Photo store]

GEORGE: So, I, uh.. really liked the pictures I picked up here yesterday.

SHEILA: I'm glad, George.

GEORGE: And, uh, here's a little roll that I think you may enjoy. (Slides it across the counter)

SHEILA: Great.

GEORGE: (Flirtingly) Shall we say.. an hour?

SHEILA: Mm-hm. (George leaves) Hey, Ron. I got to go to lunch. Can you do a roll?

RON: No problem. (Sheila hands him George's roll)

SHEILA: By the way, you know that model who's always in here? She's missing one of her lingerie shots. Have you seen it?

RON: Nope.

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Post office back room]

(Newman is attempting to interrogate Jerry. Newman is under a large light, he's sweating all over his face. Jerry's completely comfortable)

NEWMAN: Alright.. alright.. (Takes off his glasses, inhales from his cigarette) Then let me ask you this: Don't you find it interesting that your friend had the foresight to purchase postal insurance for your stereo? Eh? I mean, parcels are rarely damaged during shipping.

JERRY: Define "rarely".

NEWMAN: Frequently.

JERRY: Are we about through here, Newman?

(Eerie music starts playing in the background. Newman is sweating more than ever under the hot light)

NEWMAN: It's pretty hot under these lights, eh, Seinfeld? (Jerry isn't even directly under a light) Pretty.. hot.. (Newman looks at Jerry's Mug Root Beer can)

JERRY: (Takes a drink) Actually, I'm quite comfortable.

NEWMAN: Can I have a sip?

JERRY: No.

NEWMAN: (Jumps up, walks to the middle of the room) Not gonna play ball, eh? All right! Admit it! That - that stereo system was already busted!

JERRY: You can't prove anything.

(Newman grabs a clipboard, shows it to Jerry)

NEWMAN: Is this, or is this not your signature?

JERRY: (Looks) No, as a matter of fact, it isn't.

NEWMAN: (Looks at it) "Uncle Leo"? .. This case is closed pending further evidence.

(Jerry goes to leave, then remembers his Root Beer can. Newman and Jerry both reach for it, Jerry gets to it first, and walks out with it) Jerry!

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Outside a medical facility]

ELAINE: Okay, get in there. Get the chart, and get out. You got it?

KRAMER: Yeah, no problem. Listen, let me borrow your scarf.

ELAINE: What? This? (Points to it)

KRAMER: Yeah. That's nice.

ELAINE: Here. (Takes it off, and gives it to him)

KRAMER: All right. So, uh, ah, one chart coming up. Bennett, right?

ELAINE: It's Benes, you jackass. My last name is Benes! (Kramer turns to go, then turns back to Elaine, as if to confirm) Yeah!

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Street]

NEWMAN: (Chanting to himself) Jerry.. Jerry.. Jerry.. Jerry.. Jerry.. Jerry.. (Sees the picture George took when Jerry was adjusting the stereo with a screwdriver in the photo store window) Jerry? .. Jerry! (Laughs insanely)

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Doctor's waiting room]

(Kramer's looking over the shoulder of a Doctor studying an X-Ray)

KRAMER: Yes, I like what you've done there.

(Doctor walks off)

RECEPTIONIST: (To Kramer) May I help you?

KRAMER: Uh, yes, yes. I'm uh, Dr. Van Nostrand from the clinic. Um, I"m going to need Elaine Benes' chart. She's um, a patient of mine, and um, I don't think she's gonna make it. It's um, very bad, very, um, very messy.

RECEPTIONIST: I see, and, uh, what clinic is that again?

KRAMER: Uh, that's correct.

RECEPTIONIST: Excuse me?

KRAMER: Uh, from the Hoffermeindoff Neuer clinic in Belgium.

RECEPTIONIST: Oh, really?

KRAMER: The Netherlands?

(Cuts to a man throwing Kramer out of the building)

ELAINE: Where's my chart? Did you get it?

KRAMER: No.

ELAINE: What? What happened?

KRAMER: I don't know, but now they've got a chart on me!

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Photo store]

SHEILA: I don't know where they could be.

GEORGE: You can't find them.. that's marvelous. (To himself) The dance continues.

SHEILA: Well, if I find them, I'll call you.

GEORGE: Great, and maybe we could go out.. and do something?

SHEILA: Sure.

(George goes to leave, and meets up with Ron on the way)

RON: (Flirtingly) Hello.

GEORGE: (Confused) Hi. (Leaves)

SHEILA: (To Ron) So, the little guy finally asked me out.

RON: Really?

SHEILA: Hey, I can't find his photos anywhere.

RON: Oh, you know what happened? Some guy from the post office confiscated them. (Hands her a business card) He left this card.

SHEILA: (Reading it) Newman?

(Scene ends)
[Setting: Post office back room]

GEORGE: I don't know what Newman wanted to see me for.

(Enter Newman)

NEWMAN: Gentlemen, gentlemen. I'm so.. happy to see you both. There's just some inconsistencies I'd like to straighten out.

JERRY: I'm clean, Newman, and you know it!

NEWMAN: Clean? Hardly. (Makes a clicking noise. Newman's supervisor responds by displaying the picture of Jerry's stereo and him with the screwdriver) This doesn't look like a man who's happy with his stereo performance, now, does it?!

JERRY: Where did you get that?

GEORGE: That looks like one of mine!

NEWMAN: Looks like you're breaking into it like an otter cracks open a clam!

JERRY: Well, I don't know about that, but I'm sure there's an explanation.

NEWMAN: Yes, it's called mail fraud! Ohh.. how I've longed for this moment, Seinfeld! The day when I would have the proof I needed to haul you out of your cushy lair! And expose you to the light of justice - as the monster that you are! A monster so vile--

SUPERVISOR: (Interrupting) NEWMAN!

NEWMAN: (Gasps loudly, a pause) There'll be a.. small fine.

JERRY: Okay.

GEORGE: Can we go now?

NEWMAN: Not so fast, Pretty boy! (George looks confused) There's more to this sorded little affair.. (Makes another clicking sound. The supervisor displays the picture of George posing half naked)

JERRY: (Disgusted) Oh my God!

NEWMAN: This photo clearly indicateds your involvement in some.. ill-concieved mail order pornography ring. As does this one.. found in the same disturbing packet. (A half naked picture of Ron, from the photo store, is displayed)

GEORGE: (Shocked) Oh my God!

NEWMAN: We.. have a few questions we'd like you to answer.

JERRY: I have a few questions of my own!

(Enter Sheila)

SHEILA: Hi. One of your mailmen.. (Sees both nude photos) Oh my God! George! (Runs out of the room)

GEORGE: Well, ah, no, Sheila! It's not what you think! (Runs after her) I put my trust in the wrong person! He said the key word was "tasteful"!

(Jerry gets up, looks at the photo of George)

JERRY: The timeless art of seduction.

(Newman's supervisor gives and understanding expression)

(Scene ends)
[Setting: A Doctor's waiting room]

(Elaine, Kramer, and Leo are all waiting. The doctor appears to be a country veterinarian)

KRAMER: (Scratching) Aw, gee. That wasn't such a long drive.

LEO: The dirt road really hurt my back!

ELAINE: Okay, please, everyone.. just stop complaining. Smile! We're good patients.

(Enter Doctor, he's looking at a clipboard)

DOCTOR: Okay, Miss Benes? You want to come on back?

ELAINE: Oh, I'd love to.

(Phone rings)

DOCTOR: Just a second. (Into phone) Hello? Yes. Well, as a matter of fact, they're here right now.. I understand.

(Elaine and Kramer have horrified expressions that the AMA reached them)



END OF SHOW.