Come In...

A Jehova's Witness knocked on the front door of a home, and heard a faint, high pitched, "Come In".

He tried the door and it was locked, so he went around to the back door. He knocked again and heard again the high pitched "Come In".

As he entered the kitchen a large, mean, snarling Doberman met him. He plastered himself against the wall as he called out for help. Again, he heard the "Come In".

He slid down the wall to the living room to see a parrot in cage. He said, "For Pete's sake, is that all you can say is 'Come In'?"

The parrot laughed and said "Sic Him"

Thanks to JLendall for this joke :)

David's Parrot

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives, were to say the least, rude.

David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example...Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet. Not a sound for half a minute.

David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness."

David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

Jesus is watching you

One night a burglar is trying to break into a house.
He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice -
"Jesus is watching you!" He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything.
So he starts creeping across the lawn again. He hears it again. "Jesus is watching you!"
So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot "Did you say that?"
The parrot answers "Yes I did."
So the burglar says "What's your name?"
The parrot says "Clarence."
The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?"
The parrot laughs and says "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' "

Thanks to Phreekbird for these jokes :)