To be assertive means that you stand up for what your own rights are as a human being without stepping on others' rights while doing this.

Always remember everyone in life has the same bill of rights and deserves to be treated with respect and kindness as a human being. God put each of us here to serve Him and our fellow man.

Take a course in assertiveness behavior training online or at your local Technical College.

Do a Search for websites by typing in Assertiveness Training. Or Online you can go to:
www.GrowthCentral.com
and check out their self-help section, or:
www.Queendom.com
has over a hundred free tests to help you. These tests are graded instantly and you are given the results after the test.

Learn to speak up for your rights and needs to be met without stepping on the boundaries of others.

Are you passive?

being a doormat for others to walk all over, crying, whining, dependent, withdrawing from life, or leaving when you don't get your way.

Are you aggressive?

being mean, pushy, bullying, intimidating or threatening, complaining, griping, nagging, invalidating, criticizing, verbal attacks, judgmental, revenge-seeking, being physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually abusive, triangulation, gaslighting, getting others to doubt themselves and believe what you want them to believe, using others to get your needs, wants, and desires met, or getting suddenly ill, or leaving just when you are needed the most.

Are you a combination of the two? being passive-aggressive?

pretending to forget, being late, bad-mouthing, procrastinating, giving the silent treatment to others, whining, complaining, or purposefully doing things to drive someone else crazy.

It takes practice to be assertive in life's situations. Even if you mess up and are not assertive, don't ever degrade yourself or anyone else or point out your flaws or theirs, just try harder next time to be assertive.

2. Learn to laugh and put humor in your life.

Have fun every day. Learn to relax and be calm. Let your Inner Child come out and play. This is one of the greatest coping skills in life. It is why vacations are necessary so people won't burn out and can become refreshed by getting away from it all for a while, relaxing, and having some fun.

3. Use "I" messages when communicating with someone about a problem.

"I" messages express your own feelings about a situation and why you feel that way.
"You" messages, on the other hand, can cause arguments because they place blame, criticism, or fault on the other person and make them defensive.
Example - "I feel sad when I see you watching TV all the time instead of spending any time with me or really listening to what I have to say. I would like for us to spend more time alone together."

4. Role-Playing

When you are bothered by a situation, act out the different parts and pretend what you would say and what the other person would say. You can do this alone and play both parts or you can act it out with a close friend.

5. Biofeedback

Repeat back to the person what you thought he/she said and then ask for his/her response as to whether it was correct or not. This can keep down misunderstandings.

6. Workable Compromise

Find a compromise that both parties can agree upon and work from this to deal with issues that arise in life. You can agree to disagree on subjects that create an impasse, then stay away from those subjects in the future.

7. Broken Record

Pick one precise answer and keep repeating it until the other person gets the message. Keep it brief!

8. Positive Feedback for Good Behavior

Give lots of praise when the person responds the way you want them to or acts the way you want them to. Everyone likes to be praised! Remember to reward yourself for jobs well done or when you change a behavior pattern of your own.

9. Time Outs

When you are just too angry, call a time-out. Agree to discuss the situation at another time or day. This will give you both time to cool off and think things over.

There is also another time out you need to take sometimes. When you are feeling overworked, overwhelmed, or overreacting to situations, it is time to take time out just to do something kind or nice for yourself that you will enjoy or that will pamper you in some way. Caregivers in life usually always do for others and tend to forget themselves, but you will actually be better at everything you do if you take care of yourself, too. Remember, if you don't take care of yourself, no one else will. If you are not there to take care of the things you do now, what good will it have done to play an altruistic role in life and do without your own needs being met?

10. Ask for Help When You Need It

Don't suffer in silence. Don't overwhelm yourself. Don't overwork yourself. Learn to delegate jobs to others. Ask your family or others for help when you feel you need it. This can nip a lot of resentments in the bud because when you find yourself overdoing, resentments will always build up inside you and one day those resentments will cause you to explode in anger over some small, possibly even meaningless, issue. Women need to be specific when they want a man to do something for them. Be clear as to what you want to be done. If you wait for a man to think of doing it you will keep right on waiting.

11. Apologize when you are wrong.

Say, "I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you." This can heal many wounds in a family and can diffuse a lot of anger in situations.
It tells others that you are human and can make mistakes and still be okay. Errors and mistakes are okay if one uses them as stepping stones to improve their learning or life situations. Stop doing things that only cause more problems.

12. Build your self-image, self-esteem, and self-confidence.

Self-educate by reading all you can to improve your life. True knowledge is self-education. The more you know about anything the more comfortable you feel about it or with it.

13. Learn to manage your anger.

Realize it is neither good nor bad. It is how people react or overreact to any situation with their anger that causes problems. Try to stay calm and diffuse the triggers before they cause you to blow up. Learn what triggers your anger. Take an Anger Management Course free online. Go to:
www.ParentingToolbox.com
and seek out the Anger Forum for this month and register. It is free. Anger turned inward creates depression. This is why it is necessary to deal with anger properly instead of bottling it up inside.

14. Don't state your opinion as if it were a fact as this will only cause an argument.

Use the "I" statements here and say "I" have an opinion that such and such is....."

15. Don't overgeneralize people or situations.

Don't lump the whole world into one category. People are individuals and no two are exactly the same, even in families. Respect each person's own individualities and rights.

16. Remove the "dramatics" in your life.

Don't make mountains out of molehills. Don't sit and worry needlessly about what might be instead of what actually is. Don't sit and worry about all the bad things that could happen. Don't look for problems in life. When you stop being dramatic, your life will stop being dramatic, too.

17. Set realistic goals.

Don't expect more than you or someone else can give or achieve.

18. Learn to let go of situations.

Certain things will trigger emotions and feelings inside you from your past. Talk out these feelings with someone you trust. It is through talking out these emotions and feelings that you will be able to realize what is really bothering you about the situation and why. When you realize this, you will be able to let it go.

19. Put things into proper perspective in your life.

Decide what your priorities are. God, spouse, children, yourself, family, job, friends, etc.

20. Don't think irrational thoughts.

Ask yourself, what irrational thoughts do I have about this situation? What are the rational thoughts? List them and discard the irrational ones. There is a good chance you could be overreacting to situations because of your irrational thoughts.

Ask yourself, how can I react in a rational manner to this? What can I do to stop reacting irrationally in the future? Get your true facts, not just what you believe are the true facts. When you just think you know the facts, they can be wrong in any case, so always try to get the actual facts about what happened before you jump to conclusions.

21. Learn to just say no.

If you are one of many people who find it hard to say no to requests, then look the person in the eyes and say no when you are overworked. Say it clearly and in a tone of voice they will know you mean business, but do not whisper or say it loudly. If appropriate, you can offer another solution to the person, but don't go into long explanations as to why you can't do it. Be brief! If the other person persists, simply repeat the word, no, like a broken record. You do not need to feel guilty over saying no. This is your right!

22. Acknowledge your feelings exist.

Many people deny they have feelings. Denying feelings or suppressing them only causes increased irritability and conflicts with others, difficulty in solving interpersonal problems, distorted perception and blind spots in relationships, and the inability to be honest with others if we are not honest with ourselves. Take responsibility for your own emotions and feelings.

23. Self-education.

Learn all you can through self-education, for true knowledge is self-learned. There are numerous sites online that offer a lot of free self-help. Search them out and learn all you can. The more you know about a situation, the better you will feel about it.

24. Subliminal Audio Tapes.

These are a great help in building up your subconscious mind. You can buy them for any subject now at bookstores and mail-order catalogs as well as online purchasing. You need to use them for 30 days to tell a difference in yourself. The public library also loans self-help audio tapes.

25. Act Like You Would Like to Be, Not How You Are.

Pretend you are already the way you want to be and soon the pretending will become your way of life. Imagine yourself and your life to be just like you want to be. Keep that imagery strong in your mind. What you can visualize, you can materialize. Believe you are that way now! Use positive affirmations daily to help you reach your goals.