Here are some steps to help you manage your anger so that it does not become toxic and destroy all your relationships on all levels. Self-awareness, stress reduction, personal assertiveness, learning empathy towards others, doing physical exercises, and self-expression through thoughts, writing, and speaking are some suggestions on how to manage your anger.

Learn self-awareness.

Become aware of the triggers that make you angry, and then how to desensitize yourself to them. Stop and become aware that you have a choice as to how you react to other people pushing your anger buttons. You do NOT have to be a victim, a scapegoat, a patsy, a doormat, a persecutor, a manipulator, a controller, or a bully. All you need do is become aware that you have a choice as to how YOU react to things in your life. You cannot control other people, but you CAN control how you react to them. Keep your personal power. Don't give it away to other people who can control and manipulate your buttons. Some people can manipulate you and control you with a look or an action, not saying a single word because you gave them the power to control you. Don't let them get to you. Take back control of your personal power.

Take a few deep breaths to relax when you start to feel angry about anything. Then get in touch with what you are really experiencing. Ask yourself questions to get to the core of what you are really feeling.

What am I really feeling? Am I really angry? Or am I just feeling frustrated or disappointed at not being understood or heard by this person? Am I feeling lonely or sad? Am I feeling abandoned? Am I feeling hurt? Am I feeling that my needs and feelings are not important to this person? Am I feeling too much responsibility for this person? Is this person too needy? Do I need space? Are my emotions, needs, and feelings important to anyone but me? Do I need more alone time?

Keeping an open line of communication with other people always helps, but sometimes it feels like we just talk to brick walls or that what we say goes in one ear and out the other. Sometimes there is no one to talk to at all, yet we always have God. And He does hear us. You may have found this page just because you talked to God about needing help to cope with your anger.

So many times what we think is anger turns out to be other feelings. It is absolutely necessary to put these feelings into their proper perspective.

Always remember, you have the power to NOT get upset by what others say or do to try to push your buttons in order for you to react in an unhealthy way. Don't give people your personal power. Keep it for yourself. You have the choice to NOT overreact to things others say or do to you always. Change your responses. Your getting angry only does harm to your body over a period of time. Anger and hatred causes diseases to form in the body of the person feeling those negative emotions. Love yourself enough to take good care of your body and mind. If you don't love yourself enough to take care of you, then no one else will do it for you. By taking care of yourself first of all, you can then take better care of your family. Get the proper amount of rest your own body needs to function normally. This may be a different amount of hours than others in your family needs. Always do what you feel is right for yourself without feeling guilty for so doing.

Learn how to be assertive.

Being assertive means that you calmly stand up for your own rights, but you don't trample on other's rights while so doing.

Keep your calm. Don't lose your cool. No one can upset you if you don't let them.

Think of something that is very calming to your mind. Perhaps, visualize a beautiful scene in nature that is tranquil and peaceful such as the one I placed at the top of this page. Deep breathing exercises always relaxes the nervous system. Repeat aloud some calming affirmations, such as, "I am calm and centered in the Mind of Jesus Christ and nothing or no one can disturb the Peace in my soul."

"I am calm and relaxed and all is well is my world."

"I consciously choose to be calm and centered, and at peace within."

Reduce the stressors in your life.

Have something to do that you really enjoy doing when things get too much for you. Just having something to occupy your mind, so you don't have to think about situations that make you angry can help fill your mind. Make a list of things that you enjoy doing while alone, then do them when you start feeling overwhelmed by too much stress.

When a person gets overwhelmed by too much stimuli to their nervous system, they will always start to overreact to everything, then they will withdraw or shutdown. This is when they need to get alone and do something that they really enjoy doing. Always eat something nourishing first, so your body will not be malnourished. Then get some much needed rest. Make sure your nervous system is getting enough B-complex vitamins.

Learn how to empathize with others. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand how they must be feeling. Nothing is ever just one sided. There are always two sides to every story. Learn to be considerate of other's needs and feelings. Kindness is something we can give to anyone and it takes little effort and no money to give it, but it can make a huge difference to the one to whom it is being given.

Do some type of physical exercises daily to help relieve your stress level that might lead to being angry. Even taking a brisk walk for half an hour can help relieve stress.

Learn to watch your self-expression through your thoughts, writing, and speaking.

Write your thoughts and feelings down in a journal that will only be read by you. Keep it in a safe secure place so it will never be found and read by others. This is an easy way to find out what your emotional triggers are and what causes your buttons to be pushed.

Change your mindset from negative to positive thinking. You cannot change anyone but yourself, but in changing yourself you might see a change in others as well. Watch your words that you speak to others being mindful that they will not intentionally hurt people by their tone and inflection.

Anger is neither good nor bad. It's always how a person reacts to it that makes it positive or negative. You can always choose YOUR own mindset, even if you can't change others. Just don't be surprised if by changing yourself, you also see others begin to change as well. When you act in a calm and peaceful manner, others will do the same. When you have a bad attitude and act angry, it puts others on the defensive automatically, and only more anger is generated. It takes a mature adult to react to things in a calm, peaceful manner, so be the adult and start to take the initiative here to control your anger.

The following ANGER anagram may be used for coping with anger.

A - Anticipate situations that trigger your anger. Record where, when, why, with whom it happens.

N - Notice signs of anger building within - early tell-tale signs (frustration, irritation, muscle tightening, breathing more heavily, and try to stop it there.)

G - Go through a temper routine. Deep breaths, calming statements, drop shoulders, and relaxing muscles.

E - Extract yourself from the situation. Have places to go to or something to do that will distract and relax (burning off the adrenaline, the anger fuel.)

R - Record how you coped, and note how your anger is changing.