The grief is something I will never recover from. I will always love my son and miss him. I am grateful for the twenty-seven years we had together. Someday we will be reunited in Heaven which I look forward to very much.
I am capable of forgiving people for mistreating and disappointing me, and forgetting what has been done to me in my life. Therefore, that should diffuse the anger inside me now. I already know I am an ultra sensitive person and that people have disappointed me tremendously in life when I have trusted them.
The Bible's center verse is Psalm 118:8 and says, "Put your trust in God, not man." So that was where I made my mistake. People will always let us down if we count on them for help. God will never let us down because God is Love. Love will keep things going forever if it is genuine love. God's love, Agape love, is pure unconditional love.
As a Christian, I can experience this awesome love by letting my anger go now once and for all time. It does not hurt anyone who has done me wrong. It has only hurt me for the last thirty something years for carrying it around in a slush fund inside myself. Now it is time I empty it into the garbage dump where it belongs, instead of allowing it to stay inside my mind and heart. I can make a new life starting right now, one where I no longer have any anger towards anyone, thereby getting rid of my depression so that it can no longer immobilize me. Then I can use some of my wonderful webpages I have made to make my life exactly as I want it to be.
I have always wondered why God let me experience so much pain in my life? I certainly don't think I deserved it. I now believe it was so I could help others who suffer from depression and grief. The traumatic events that life deals to us can immobilize us when we let them become so powerful in our mind. They steal our personal power in such cases. But we can reclaim that personal power by facing those fears head-on, forgiving whatever happened, asking God to forgive all involved, then putting proper closure on it, and forgetting it. We can then move on with life in a constructive manner. Once we get the proper closure in our mind, we are able to forget it then. That might even help the grief part too somewhat. And guilt, even if it is false guilt, can eat at a person like a cancer. Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves just like God forgives us when we ask Him to forgive us for the things we have done wrong. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. I know I am much harder on myself than I am on others. I have to learn to love myself and accept myself just as I am, the same way God accepts me just as I am. The anger and the guilt cannot affect anyone once they diffuse it permanently.
Depression CAN be stopped by getting rid of all the anger one carries inside in that slush fund that hurts no one but yourself. Depression does affect the people you live with daily though, so remember the ones you love most could be the very people whom you are hurting the most by letting the anger you feel so strongly pull you deeper into the abyss of depression. You have the power within to forgive because you are connected to God as His child. Let the Divinity within you be stronger than the anger you feel. Love is the most powerful tool on this earth. It has the power you need to get well and get the life you so badly want.
