No parent should ever have to lose a child. My son, Gary, legally died on April 28, 2005, in South Carolina, not quite a month before his 27th birthday from having a seizure that threw him into cardiac arrest. He had never had a seizure or any heart problems before that. He had stopped breathing for too long before EMS arrived to resuscitate him on April 12, 2005. He never regained consciousness during those sixteen days he spent in the hospital, and his body was wracked with constant seizures. I was told by phone after eight days had passed that 3/4 of his brain had been destroyed while he wasn't breathing until EMS finally arrived at his apartment, and that he would be in a vegetative state if he lived, but that his brain showed no signs of activity anymore. The grief that I feel is still unbearable, even now, more than 18 years later. No one will ever miss him more than I will. I will always love my son with all my heart and soul. He was my pride and joy and main reason for living for over 27 years, because a mother also counts the gestation period. I miss him so very much every day. The pain never seems to get any easier to bear. It is the worst emotional pain I have ever had to deal with in my life. I have read that the grieving process for losing a child takes up to five full years, but I am proof that is not enough time for a parent to get over losing her only child. I can only take one moment at a time. Gary will always be in my heart and soul, my miracle child. I only had one Fallopian Tube. It's very rare for any woman to ever get pregnant who just has one tube. I prayed for 11 years of marriage to just be able to have one child. Gary was very handsome, had an IQ of 160, and could do anything he set his mind to do. My life will never be the same again without my son in it. I look forward to going to Heaven to be reunited with him, and my Mother, Cobie, who died at age 94-1/2 on April 3, 2009.
In the course of five years time, I lost everything and everyone in my life: In April 2004, my son's nice Toyota car mysteriously burned to the ground while he was camping; in September 2004 my Mother had to have cancer surgery so I drove four hours one-way to GA to help take care of her; my son died suddenly in SC seven months later; I could get no one to come stay with Mother for me to go back to SC when my son was unconscious in the hospital or to go to his funeral; I was told my house that I owned for 20 years in SC was completely ransacked; in December 2007 that same home was foreclosed upon and sold without my even knowing it was done; and my Mother died on April 3, 2009. To make all of this trauma even worse, I suffer from major reactive depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, OCDs, caregiver burnout, plus this unbearable grief. All this happening to any human being is enough to destroy even the strongest of people. My son and my mother were the only two people that I ever had in my life who ever loved me and were always there for me.
Yet no one seems to understand what I am going through. I have no emotional support group to help me get through this. It's like when people go through a divorce and suddenly no one wants anything to do with you because they are afraid it will rub off on them. Losing a child is far worse, and no one even wants to even think of losing a child, so they stay as far away from you as they can. No one is ever there to help you when you need help so badly, except The Holy Trinity. Without my faith in God through Jesus Christ as my Savior, I couldn't have coped with this at all. I have learned that human beings will disappoint you just when you need them the most, but The Holy Trinity will never leave you or forsake you. It is these kinds of disappointments for a lifetime that have made my depression even worse. I am an ultra-sensitive Empath and cannot take most prescription medicines, as they only make my problems much worse. I can only hope that things get better for me soon because it is just much too hard to bear. No human being on this earth deserves to have to go through the things that I have in this lifetime. I have lost everyone and everything that meant anything to me, except for The Holy Trinity.
I am so grateful to have God on my side. There is a saying, "God plus nothing, equals everything." Isaiah 54 says that God is now my Husband, and that He will fight my battles for me. I have the peace of knowing that someday my son, Gary, and my Mother, Cobie, and I will be reunited in Heaven for Eternity through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Without my faith in God, I could not make it through even one more day.
Gary
