Mother was almost seventeen years old when it happened. She and her fiance, (my future Dad,) were sitting in a swing on one end of her front porch. Her step-sister and her fiance were sitting in another swing on the other end of their front porch, kissing. Dad asked Mother could he kiss her now that they were engaged. She quickly told him, "No, Papa, would kill me if I let you kiss me before we get married. You have to wait until we get married, then you can kiss me." So he dropped the conversation, and they just sat and swang for awhile longer. Dad went home to his birth family.
Mother went inside her home. A raging Papa was waiting on her with a leather strap. He screamed at her, "I heard you letting him kiss you. I am going to punish you for it." "No sir, I didn't let him kiss me at all. I told him we had to wait until we got married, then he could kiss me." She was crying to think that her Papa did not believe her as old as she was. He lashed her with the leather belt time and time again. She never lied to her Papa, so why didn't he believe her? The pain she was experiencing was unthinkable, unbearable, even excruciating. She was crying so hard, she couldn't stop.
When he finally stopped beating her, he sent her out to his fields to work. Hours later she was still crying hard. Her fiance had already come to talk to her about what happened, as word gets around quickly in small rural communities. He even went to talk to her Papa about it. He set him straight that she did not let him kiss her at all, and had said he would have to wait until they got married, then he could kiss her, because that was what Papa had taught her to do. Papa came out to the fields after that, and apologized to his daughter, but she was hurt so badly, she still sobbed uncontrollably, and could not stop.
Papa's wife told him that he needed to punish her daughter as well, because she was also out on that front porch in a swing with her fiance. Her daughter whispered in Papa's ear, "You just try to do that, and I will fix you for good." Papa said to his wife, "No, she's your daughter, you are the one who punishes her, not me." She had gotten away with all that forbidden kissing, while her step-sister had gotten a violent beating for doing nothing.
Mother's older married sister helped Mother pack a bag so she and my Dad could elope. She had turned seventeen now, and on Halloween 1931, they would get married. She wouldn't have to be around her Papa anymore. The physical pain had stopped, but the emotional memories were still strong and would take much longer to heal. Papa didn't even believe her and that was what hurt her the most. She had never lied to him because he was very strict on all his daughters. All his sons could pretty much get away with anything just because they were males. He had a total of eleven children, and one step-daughter. His first wife and he had eight of them together, then she died. Within a year, he had married his second wife who already had a daughter by a now-divorced husband. They had three more children together.
Mother did forgive her Papa, but she never forgot that beating that she did not deserve. A parent should always believe their children if they have never lied to them. Never beat them in a rage at any age. Trust is something that is earned.
Mother and Dad lived in a very old house that had wide gaps in the walls and floors. It was all they could afford, so they made the best of what they had. After six months time passing, she became pregnant with their first child, a son. She was eighteen, and the baby was not due for another couple weeks, when she went into labor. Dad had gone to find a doctor. Mother was ripped to shreds in her birth canal. Dad finally returned at 2:30 am with a doctor he had found. My brother had been born at 10:30 pm. Both of them had laid there on the bed for four hours. It was a miracle that either of them had survived. When my Dad saw how torn she was, he said there would never be anymore children born to them.
Sixteen years passed. My brother had loved our Mother so much. She was the best Mother in the whole world to both of us. Dad had become an alcoholic. He couldn't hold down a job for very long at a time. Mother stuck by him. She made excuses for him because she loved him. He loved her, too, but he knew he was a failure. Another of Mother's sisters had a baby girl. When my Dad saw the baby, he asked Mother if they could have a baby girl. She said, yes. So I was conceived. When I was born, Mother had a wonderful obstetrician in a hospital maternity ward. They had given her prescription medicines, so she felt very little pain once the delivery was over. My brother resented my being conceived. He had been an only child. He did not want to share his parents with another sibling. He was almost seventeen years older than I. When he turned eighteen, he signed up to go into the Army. I thought my brother was the best thing, but he had little to do with me. Dad's drinking alcohol just grew worse as time passed. He would get crazy and pull out his pocket knife and threaten to kill Mother and me, then himself. Mother and I had to run hide to get away from him. Can you imagine two females having to run up under an old house to hide like that? Who even knew what was up under there with us? Grateful and thankful to God, we always managed to escape and be safe.
My Dad died when he was forty-six, two days after my Mother's forty-first birthday. The autopsy report said if his heart had beat a few more times, it would have burst. He had a massive heart attack from drinking so much alcohol for most of his life. He had also dipped snuff, which is a powdered form of tobacco.
Our life got so much better after Dad died. Mother and I got to draw Social Security checks. Mother didn't have to work on a public job. My brother had already married and started a life and family of his own. He pretended to love me like his sister. When I was grown, he stopped pretending to love me, and kicked me out of his family forever. I finally realized he had never loved me at all, and resented me for just being born as his sibling. I never had any male role models that were good those first six years of my life when a child formulates how they will be as an adult. I ended up marrying six times and divorcing six times. I had one son who died of a heart attack about a month before his 27th birthday. He was a miracle of God because I only had one Fallopian Tube. Mother died at age 94. She was the only person I ever knew who was close to being a saint. I took care of her those last four years of her life. She had uterine cancer surgery at age 90, and she had been healed of it. Her doctor had told her he found a couple dime-sized spots of cancer inside her uterus. He said he was sure he got it all, and it never spread anywhere else in her body. He had removed her uterus and both her ovaries as a precautionary practice. She lived another four and a half years after that.
Now I am all alone in my life. My son and my Mother were my only family who ever loved me. I loved both of them, and always will. Not a day goes by that they are not missed so very much. My mantra for age 73 is, I am going to be the best person I can be at age 73.
I always believed I was called of God to be a good wife and Mother. I only wanted to be the wife of one man, and have one or two children, a boy first, then a girl later. I believed that the two greatest gifts I could give to my husband were my virginity on our wedding night, and later to give birth to a son named after him. I am retired. I am doing what I want, when I want. I eat what I want. I sleep when I want. I am healing from my final marriage and divorce. I never want to try that again. I do sometimes get lonely. The loneliness passes quickly. I no longer feel like my call of God was to be a good wife and Mother. I tried to find one good man to spend the rest of my life with, but I never found one good man at all. Even King Solomon said in The Holy Bible that he only found one good man out of ten thousand men. The center verse in The Holy Bible says, "Put your trust in God, not in man." Humans will always let you down, but God will never leave you nor forsake you. He will never neglect or abandon you when you are sick and need help. Only you can change your own life for the better. It does absolutely no good to waste your precious time and positive energy trying to manipulate or control anyone but yourself. Once you realize that you need to change, it can happen quickly to turn your life around for the better. It does take a lot of self-discipline to truly change. You deserve the best life has to offer, and do not accept anything less than that.
Watch everything carefully that you say and do. If something negative comes out, quickly replace it with something positive. Be as positive-minded as you can be. Believe that what you want is already happening in your life. Live in the present, not your past or your future. Focus on what YOU really want. What you focus on most, is what happens to create your life you have. Visualize the life you deserve. Release and let go of all past traumas that are trapped in your systems. Forgive yourself and others. You are never too old to start afresh. You can rewrite your story to make it whatever you want it to be. You are the author of your own life story. Maintain a close relationship with The Holy Trinity: Father God, Jesus Christ our Savior, God's Only Begotten Son, and The Blessed Holy Spirit, plus all the Holy Angels of God who are sent to help anyone who is a Child of God when they ask for help.
This Thanksgiving 2022, I will have lived in the same apartment complex for 18 years. I am very thankful and grateful to God for all His blessings He has given to me. He is my central core. Jesus Christ is my Savior. He has forgiven me of all my sins to be remembered no more. My life gets better with each passing day, and I grow stronger in the Lord because of my life's learning experiences. The Holy Spirit lives inside me, guiding me, teaching me, and comforting me daily. The Holy Angels of God are here to help me any time I cannot do something that needs to get done. I believe I am so very blessed of God in everything that I say and do. I choose to be happy every day. I choose to be peaceful, calm, and contented daily. My SSA retirement check miraculously stretches every month to meet my needs. I take good care of myself. I love myself unconditionally. I accept myself just as I am. I know myself well. I am true to myself. I enforce my personal boundaries. I respect myself. I honor myself. I have high self-esteem. I have high self-confidence. I do not need a man in my life to complete me in any way, because I am a whole, complete person. I am a capable, confident, and independent mature woman.
Maintain an attitude of gratitude to God for all the blessings He has already given to you. The more truly thankful and grateful you are to God, the more blessings He will send to you. Clear out all the clutter in your life. Make way for those new wonderful, awesome blessings that God sends into your life through miracles of God, divine healings, unexplainable blessings, synchronicities, and serendipities. Remember there is nothing impossible for God. He can make a way when there seems to be no way. Serve God every day the best you can, so that you have no regrets at the end of your life. Let every new day be Christmas for you year-round because the greatest Gift of all was Jesus Christ, who was the Ultimate Sacrifice for the forgiveness of our sins. He gave His Life on Calvary's Cross so that we can have Eternal Life through Him. Invite Him into your Heart now, and ask forgiveness for your sins. Hold no grudges against anyone. Life is too short to hold anything against anyone. Don't do drugs. Don't sell drugs. Don't grow drugs. Don't cook drugs. Don't smoke any forms of drugs or tobacco. Don't lie. Don't cheat. Never betray another person. Don't steal. Don't be loud to disturb your neighbor's needs for peace and quiet all the time. Buy and wear wireless stereo earbuds if you want to listen to loud music, watch loud movies or loud television, talk on your smartphone, use your tablet, notebook, laptop, or computer, or play video games. Get all the free education you can, and then get the best job you can. A job you like to do each day will always be a success for you. Help others as you are able, but don't get so involved with helping others that you neglect your own family or yourself. Nourish yourself and your family with unconditional love always. Don't be too hard on them or yourself. Don't be so strict on your loved ones that they cannot wait to get away from you. None of us are perfect. Don't work so much that you never seem to have any time for your spouse or your children. They should be your top priority. If your work requires you to work all the time, maybe you need to find a different job, or create one that you actually enjoy doing each day. Find your passion in life, and form a job from that. When people do what they enjoy doing each day, it keeps life interesting and free of boredom. It is much easier to be a success in life when you are actually happy doing what you do for a living.
May this Thanksgiving and Christmas Season and 2023 New Year be the best you have ever had thus far!
