I don't understand him. I've been friends with him for six years and I still don't understand him. I probably never will.

He's changed a lot in the last year. Not that that's a bad thing. It's nice to have him more mellow, but I miss the old Shawn. The one who liked to party, the lady killer...most of all the one that was here with us.

I can't understand how he can walk away from this, something he claims to love so much, so easily. He gives me this B.S. about how it isn't important to him anymore. He's a liar. I know it and so does he. I see the way he lights up when he's out there. He loves it, it's in his blood.

I know his family is important to him, that I can understand. But a lot of the guys have families and they still do this.

Maybe I'm being selfish...but damnit I can't help it! I want him here with us...with me. He's my best friend. Nothings the same without him. I LOVE him. I want to tell him that but I can't...he wouldn't understand. He never does.