I don't get the two of them. I really don't. Paul bitches at Shawn because he's not around more. Shawn get's pissed and bitches at Paul because he doesn't understand. They're supposed to be best friends, but lately, everytime they get together, all they seem to do is fight. I always get caught in the middle...

I understand where Shawn's coming from. I wish I'd have been around more when my kids were really small. I missed a lot. And Shawn saw that...he's heard me on the phone getting reports of what's happening back home, and he saw my sadness when I missed a special moment. BUt I have to support my family...and wrestling is all I know.

I haven't had the easiest life. Not that I'm complaining, don't get me wrong. A lot of my problems I brought on myself. The drugs, ending up in rehab...I put my family through hell. And now I'm trying so hard to make it up to them...but for a while I thought I wasn't going to be able to, that I would be much use to them at all...

When my neck was hurt I was sure everything was over. It scared the hell out of me. All I could think of was that I wasn't going to be able to take care of my family. If I couldn't wrestling anymore, I couldn't provide for them.

They call me resilient because I came back from the injuries. It's not resiliency...it's me being scared to death and fighting as hard as I can to keep everything from being taken away from me. I'm scared everytime I step into that ring, but I keep going...because I have to.

I feel so powerless sometimes. I'm no big star...I'm not big anything. I'm just Sean...The Kid. The one who goes out there and busts his ass, but nobody ever cares much about him. I'm the add on, the extra, the hanger on. I always have been...with Kevin and Scott, with Road Dogg and Billy, and even with Paul and Shawn. No body ever cares much about the little runt...he's just someone there to put them over...someone to step on on the way to the top. But they'd better be careful...because the people you step on on the way up are the same people you have to go by on the way down.

So you see, I'd love to help out Shawn and Paul...but I have enough problems of my own to worry about.