Why am I the one they always dump all their problems on? Just because I'm older than them doesn't mean I'm any wiser...not by a long shot. Sometimes I think Paul has a better handle on things than I ever have. He is the most responsible one of all of us after all.

Now Paul and Shawn are butting heads because Shawn's backed out of the business some. And I know why Paul get's so mad at Shawn...because he envies him. He wants what Shawn has. A wife, a family...happiness.

I admire Shawn for what he's doing. I'm proud of him. Hell, he was always the one we figured would never settle down. Now he's got his priorities straight. And to tell you the truth...I envy him too...

My personal life isn't in the greatest shape right now. I tried so hard not to lose Tam, to hold it all together...but it didn't work. It kills me that I'm not with Tristan more. He's my pride and joy. I lost my father young and I know what it's like to grow up without your dad around. But I WILL be there for Tristan...no matter what.

And then there's Scott...always Scott. I worry about him endlessly. He's my best friend and I still don't know what happened to him...what snapped inside him to make him do the things he has. I've tried to be there for him, but more times than not he's pushed me away...

I don't understand Scott, I never will. He's a brilliant person. He was going to be a doctor. And now...what now? I don't know. He's trying, I know he is...and I pray every day the he makes it to where he wants to be.

As I look back over everything that's happened...if there was one thing I could do over, I would've tried as hard as I could to keep the Clique together in one place...we need each other. More than anyone really knows...