No one understands me. Hell, I don't even understand myself...

I gave up a lot to get where I am. And where am I? Sitting here alone, no family, no nothing. My necks messed up, I can't work...I can't do anything. I'm useless.

What everybody wants to know is...what drove me to drink, to do all the stuff that I did. I don't know. All I know is one day I realized that I hadn't been sober in three weeks, even when I was wrestling...and then I realized my family was gone. That's what made me wake up. Not Dana's public crusade to "save" me. That was a bunch of B.S. Knowing that I was about to lose my children, maybe forever, is what saved me.

Kevin has tried to help me. But he's got problems of his own. Beside, I don't want help...I've got to do this on my own. I need to know that I was strong enough to help myself.

Sometimes the pain is so bad, physically and mentally, that I want to turn back to the drink...to numb the pain. But I can't, I *won't*. I've got to pick up the pieces of my life and put it all back together.

And it does get easier every day...the pain lessens and the strength builds. I now I can do it...I've found the faith to.

The one thing that keeps me going besides my children...is knowing that my friends are there for me, whenever I need them. That helps more than any of them know.

When wrestling is over for me I want to go back to school and finish my degree. I want to be a doctor...I always have. And I know that my friends will support me through that too.

We may not all understand each other, but we all love and support each other, and that's what makes our friendship special.

Paul and Shawn will work through their problems...and we'll all support Kev and Sean, just like they all support me.

We have to, we need each other...and we always will.