Dear Daniel,
This might be the last letter that I ever write to you. Nicole killed herself last night. I think it’s my fault. I should have been there but I wasn’t. She asked me to come over but I didn’t because I was “not in the mood.” I feel so shallow and incomplete. I cut myself again. I’m so sorry. Please, don’t hate me for breaking my promise to you. I didn’t want to, really I didn’t, it’s just that I lost it. I can’t handle this Daniel, I really can’t. Why can’t I be strong like you? I need help. I know that you always tried to get me to admit that, but I was so stubborn that I just wouldn’t listen. But, I’m confessing it now. I need help, Daniel. I don’t know what will happen to me in the next few days, but I wish I could see you. Just once see the real you and not this rock star persona. I wish you were here with me right now just like we talked about, but I know that it’s nothing more than a fantasy that we made up. Look, please don’t worry about me. I don’t want you to waste your life always worrying about me. Just be. Please. Thank you Daniel for everything. For everything you’ve done for me and everything you are to me. I love you.
Always, Lauren
The phone rang loud in Daniel’s ears causing him to jump and almost fall out of bed, “What the fuck?” he heard himself mumble. He rolled over to the other side reaching for the phone. He smacked it a couple of times in the process before successfully picking up the receiver, “Hmm?” was all he could get out to answer the caller.
“Daniel? Dude, wake up. It’s fucking 1:00 in the afternoon already.”
“So?”
“So? So, you said you were going to meet me at Rick’s man, what the fuck?
“Who is this?”
“It’s Jerry you dumb shit! Now get the fuck up and get your ass over here.” And with that he hung up.
Daniel replaced the receiver and rolled on to his back, “Mmmm, FUCK!” He got up slowly and rubbed his face. He stayed up late again writing and polishing up the new material. He hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep in almost a month. He tried sleeping pills but nothing really worked. If he wanted to fall asleep at eleven or something he would have to take the pills at eight. Either he was turning into an insomniac or those things were really defected.
Daniel rang the doorbell to Rick’s house and waited patiently. He heard laughter and then the sound of feet running before the door was eventually open.
“Where the fuck were you?” A seemingly upset Jerry asked.
“Fuck! Calm down man. I had to take a shower and get dressed.”
“You sure took your time about it.”
“Why the hell are you in such a hurry Jerry?”
“Don’t fuck with me today Daniel. I’m really not in the mood.”
“Whatever.” Daniel said as he made his way past Jerry and into the house. He walked into the den to find Rick and Ben sitting down talking. “What’s going on?”
“Hey, Dan,” Rick greeted. “We’re discussing the idea of Ben doing a side project of his own,” he smiled.
“Oh, really? And just what exactly has Ben come up with?” Daniel asked as he sat down.
Ben sat forward in his seat, “Okay, I was thinking; partnering up with Madonna and creating a new version of dance music. I’m thinking mostly drums and her vocals. It be the shit!”
Rick laughed, “Of course we all know that the only reason he would do it is to shag her.”
“Well, it’s partly that,” Ben agreed, “and the other part is just to say at a club when one of my songs comes on, ‘Hey, I fucking wrote that shit!’”
Daniel laughed at him, “And that’s exactly what it would be, right Ben? Shit?”
“Fuck you, Daniel,” Ben smiled as he sat back again.
“Are we going or not?” Jerry asked impatiently.
“What’s his problem?” Daniel asked the other two men.
Rick stood up, “He wants to ask out this chick that works over at the mall. He’s afraid he’s going to miss her.”
“She went into work at eight this morning. She could be gone by now and I don’t know when I’ll get another chance.”
“Of course, it’s all about some chick,” Daniel rolled his eyes.
“Fuck you guys, alright?” Jerry spit at them and headed out the door.
Ben laughed, “Obviously he hasn’t gotten any in awhile.”
The other two laughed with him as they heard Jerry honking the car horn.
The four men walked into the department store at the mall trying to act inconspicuous, as Jerry had ordered them to do. Jerry walked quickly ahead of them, “I’m going to ask if she’s around.”
As he walked away from them Daniel decided to walk up to the center counter and have a look at the watches. Ben and Rick followed and stood next to him looking at wallets. “Can I help you?” Daniel heard a voice ask. He looked up at a pretty, young blonde girl. She couldn’t have been more than seventeen years old.
Daniel smiled back, “No, I’m just looking.”
“Alright, well if you need anything, just let me know. My name is Lindsay.”
“Thank you, Lindsay,” Daniel nodded and he returned his attention to the watches. At the corner of his eye he saw her move over to Rick and Ben and began talking to them.
A young man came up next to him and leaned over the counter, “Lindsay Harrison?”
She looked at him quickly and then looked back at the other two, “Excuse me for one moment,” she walked over to the young man, “Yes, I’m Lindsay.”
He pulled a large envelope out of his bag, “This is for you,” he said plainly.
“Oh,” Lindsay took the envelope from him.
“I need you to sign here,” he said placing a small clipboard in front of her.
As she bent down to sign it, Daniel couldn’t help but glance at the envelope since she had placed it down right near his arm.
Lauren Smith
P.O Box 30755
Santa Fe, New Mexico, U.S.A
He didn’t realize he was staring at the envelope until it slipped away out of sight. “It’s from my American friend,” he heard her say.
Daniel, still slightly dazed, looked up at her confused, “Huh?”
“The envelope,” Lindsay pointed at it in her hand, “It’s from my American friend Lauren. I noticed you looking at it.”
“Oh,” Daniel smiled, “Yeah. Sorry.”
“No problem.”
“Is she pretty?” Daniel heard Rick ask. Apparently Ben and him had been paying attention to the conversation.
Lindsay smiled, “Yeah, she’s pretty. She’s always sending me pictures of her and her friends. I’m sure she sent a picture again,” she stated while opening the envelope. She searched inside of it, “Yep, there it is,” she pulled out a picture and looked at it. She smiled and laughed at bit before looking back at Rick, “You want to see her?”
“Yeah,” Ben and Rick said at once.
She placed the picture on the counter, “She’s the one on the left.”
“She’s cute. Really cute,” Ben nodded. “Daniel, take a look,” he called over.
Daniel slid up next to Ben and looked down at the picture. His attention was brought to the girl that Ben was pointing to. She was pretty. Her shoulder length hair was dyed a bright cherry red color and her eyes were a sea green. They might have been hazel but her hair made them stand out more. She had pale skin, naturally pink lips. She was almost beautiful really.
“How old is she?” Daniel heard himself ask, but surprised that he did.
“Oh, she’s about twenty I think, about to turn twenty-one.”
“Is she planning to visit you any time soon?” Rick asked, “I’d like to meet her.”
“Aww, shut up wanker,” Daniel laughed, “Like she’d ever date someone like you.”
“Who send anything about dating?” Rick shrugged.
Daniel shook his head and gave him an evil look. He looked at Lindsay, “My point exactly.”
She smiled, “Well, from what she’s told me, I think she can take care of herself. And, no. I don’t think she’s coming to visit anytime soon. Or anytime ever as a matter of fact. She doesn’t really have the money.”
“That’s too bad,” Rick shook his head.
“She said yes!” a voice shouted.
The four turned and looked at Jerry who was glowing. “Wait to go, Jerry!” Ben said giving him a high five.
“What’s going on?” Lindsay leaned over and asked Daniel.
“Oh, he just asked some girl out. I guess she said yes,” he smiled.
“I guess so.”
Jerry walked up to Daniel, “Hey, man. Sorry about this morning. I was just anxious. You know how it is.”
“Actually,” Ben interrupted before Daniel could say anything, “He doesn’t.”
Daniel flipped him off before returning his attention to Jerry, “Apology accepted, man.”
Jerry smiled, “Let’s go to the pub next door, on me.”
Ben and Rick beamed, “Fuck yeah!”
The three guys ran off and Daniel stood there laughing at them. “Those guys. Any excuse to drink, I swear,” he turned to Lindsay, “I guess I better go.”
“Yeah, I guess you better. Listen, I, umm, I didn’t want to say anything before, but, umm, I’m a huge fan.”
“Oh, uhh, thank you,” Daniel smiled nervously.
“Don’t worry I’m not going to ask you for an autograph or harass you with statements of how great you are,” she laughed. “I just wanted to let you know that it was an honor meeting you.”
Daniel’s smile became more friendly, “Thank you, Lindsay,” he shook her hand, “It was a pleasure.”
She smiled, “Bye, Daniel.”
“Bye,” he said and walked off in search for his friends.
*StaR_3458 says: Hey Girl!
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Hey yourself.
~~~
*StaR _3458 says: I got your letter today.
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Yeah? Did you like the new pic?
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: Yeah, it was cool. Nicole is looking better.
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Yeah, she finally started eating again.
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: That’s good. Tell her I said ‘Hi’.
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: I will.
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: So what’s up?
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Not much. It’s been a pretty uneventful day.
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: Well, mine was pretty interesting. Do you want to hear about it?
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Umm, I guess so.
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: Guess who I met today. ;-)
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Who? Silverchair? LoL
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*Cherry_Rayn says: Lindsay?
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*StaR_3458 says: Well…….not all of them. :-D
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Fuck you, Lindsay!!! You didn’t meet them!!! LOL
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: Yes I did.
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*Cherry_Rayn says: Oh yeah? Which ones smartass?
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*StaR_3458 says: Ben and Daniel.
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*Cherry_Rayn says: Your bullshitting me right?
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*StaR_3458 says: No. I swear to God.
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*Cherry_Rayn says: Lindsay, what are the chances of you meeting them? Seriously.
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*StaR_3458 says: Obviously very good if I met them today.
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*Cherry_Rayn says: You’re seriously not joking?
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*StaR_3458 says: Why would I lie about something like this, Lauren?
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*Cherry_Rayn says: Lindsay, I swear if you are joking, I’m never talking to you again.
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*StaR_3458 says: I’m not joking Lauren. Not even a little.
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*Cherry_Rayn says: You lucky bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Well, tell me what happened, don’t keep me in suspense.
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: Okay, I was working at the counter today bored stiff when suddenly I look up and see Daniel Johns and Ben Gillies walk in with a couple of friends.
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Guys or girls?
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: Guys. Now don’t interrupt. Anyway, as luck would have it Ben and Daniel, with one of the other guys, walk up to the counter and start looking around. The other friend went off to find one of the girls that work there. I still don’t know who yet, but anyway, since it is my job to assist the customers I walked up to Daniel and asked if he needed any help. He smiled at me and said no. So then I walked up to Ben and his friend and asked if they needed any help. Ben smiled and said not yet and then his friend started talking to me when the mail guy showed up with your letter. He delivered YOUR package while Ben and Daniel were there!
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: :-)
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: I haven’t gotten to the best part yet. Okay, so when I finished signing for the package I was about to pick it up when I noticed Daniel was staring at it.
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Really? Why??
~~~
*Star_3458 says: I don’t know. Anyway, so I took the opportunity to strike up a conversation and stated that it was a letter from my friend Lauren. Then Ben’s friend asked if you were pretty. Naturally, I said yes. J So I opened the envelope and just as I had hoped you sent a picture so I asked them if they wanted to see it.
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: What????? You showed them my picture??!??
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*Star_3458 says: Yup and Ben and his friend think you’re really cute.
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Did Daniel see it?
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: Yeah, in fact, now that I think about it he stared at it for a really long time. Guess he thought you were really pretty. :-) Oh, and he asked how old you were too.
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Seriously? Oh my God! Daniel Johns and Ben Gillies know what I look like. I think I’m going to be sick.
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: LOL Come on. Get over it. LOL
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*Cherry_Rayn says: You’re really not joking about this?
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*StaR_3458 says: I’m not joking! Lauren, come on, this is me. Am I really creative enough to come up with something like that?
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*Cherry_Rayn says: Point taken.
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*StaR_3458 says: That was a rhetorical question bitch.
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*Cherry_Rayn says: I know, but it was still a good point. :-)
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: HaHa. Anyway, what time is it over there?
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: About 2 in the morning.
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: Well, it’s about 7 at night over here and Mum is calling me for dinner so I better go. Are you going to sleep?
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Yeah I might as well. Got nothing better to do.
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: Alright then. Well goodnight. I’ll email you later okay?
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Yeah, okay. Bye.
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: Bye.
Lauren walked into the student center the next day, clad in only a gray sweater and jeans. She sat at her table of friends and put her head down.
“You stayed up late again didn’t you?” she heard a voice ask. She didn’t really care who’s voice it was and just nodded as best she could while keeping her head rested in her arms.
She felt a hand stroke her hair and she finally lifted her head to see who it was. She looked up in the smiling eyes of her friend, Nicole. “Hi,” she smiled.
“Hi,” Nicole beamed, “I tried to call you last night.”
“Oh, sorry. I was on the Internet. What’s up?”
“You told me you were going to call me,” Nicole frowned.
Lauren sat all the way up, “Nicole, you know I don’t always do what I say. Did you want to talk about something?”
“No, I just wanted you to come over.”
“Again? I had just spent the night the other day and I spent the whole day with you yesterday. What do you what from me?”
Nicole stared back at her, “Fuck you, Lauren.” She said quietly and walked outside. Lauren rolled her eyes and lay her head back down.
Her friend Rob came and sat by her. “What was that all about?”
She raised her head and placed it on her hand, “Oh, you know, same as always.”
“Well, you know how she feels about you.”
“I know, but it’s not like I can do anything about it. I don’t swing that way. Although, sometimes I wish I did.”
“Why? So you could shut her up.”
“Actually, I was going to say that it would be easier for me to find a meaningful relationship, but that’s another good reason.” Rob shook his head and clicked his tongue. “Look, I love her. I really do, but I can’t give her the kind of affection she wants from me.”
“I know,” Rob nodded and stroked her hair back from her face. “Hey, we’re planning a little fiesta tonight. You wanna come?”
“Sure. Where?”
“At….. JESSE! It’s at your place right?” he called out to one of the guys at another table.
“YEAH.” He yelled back.
Rob turned back to Lauren, “It’s at Jesse’s.” She smiled and shook her head slightly, “Fine. I’ll try to make it.”
“So that’s a ‘no’?” Rob looked into her eyes.
Lauren smiled to herself. She knew why she didn’t like going to parties, she just wished that she could tell her friends so they wouldn’t ridicule her so much. She thought about her experiences at those parties, but they always pained her. She twitched a little at the memory.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked.
She looked at him and smiled as best she could, “Yes, I’m fine. I’ll try to make it. You have my word.”
“Whatever. You don’t have to. I just like to pick on you,” he looked at his watch. “Shit! I gotta go to class.”
“Fuck! So do I!” Sarah said as she jumped up, “I’ll walk with you.”
Daniel sat on his couch flipping threw the channels on his telly. He was so amazingly bored that he sighed with relief when the phone rang. “Daniel’s House of Pain, Daniel speaking,” he answered nonchalantly.
“Hey, man. What are you up to?” Rick asked on the other line.
“Nothing.”
“Yeah? Then go to the mall with me. I need to pick up a gift for Jamie.”
“Which one is Jamie?”
“The red head, with the glasses. The one the works at the Brewery.”
“Oh yeah. Yeah, sure I’ll go.”
“Alright, I’m on my way.”
Daniel followed Rick into the mall giggling as he watched his friend gawk at all the girls walking by. “Come on man,” Daniel started, “I’m hungry. Hurry up.”
“Alright. Shit!” defended Rick. “Hey, let’s go back to that store we went to yesterday. Maybe that chick is working again and I can hit on her.”
“What about Jamie?” Daniel asked.
“Daniel, this is me you’re talking to. I’m worse then Ben, remember?”
As they walked into the department store Daniel immediately saw Lindsay behind the counter, helping a customer. She looked up as they walked up to her and smiled brightly. “Well, hello again. And what can I do for you today?” she asked.
Rick smiled, “Well, I know what I would like for you to do for me, but right now I’m actually looking for a gift for a special friend of mine.”
Lindsay looked at Daniel who by now had rested his head in his hand out of embarrassment. She returned to Rick, “A female friend?”
“Of course,” Rick beamed.
“Well, may I suggest a bracelet or earrings. I can show you a few displays we have,” she pulled out a couple a cases with jewelry for him to see.
Daniel leaned on the counter and looked at the displays of sunglasses in the case next to him. Just like the day before a deliveryman walked into the store and up to the counter.
“Lindsay Harrison?” he asked.
“Yes, that’s me,” she walked up to the man leaving Rick to inspect the jewelry.
“Sign here,” the man placed a clipboard in front of her. She signed it quickly and thanked him as she took the large envelope from his hand. She opened it and pulled out its contents. She placed the envelope on the counter and flipped through the pictures that were inside.
Daniel looked at the envelope:
Lauren Smith
P.O Box 30755
Santa Fe, New Mexico, U.S.A
“Lauren again, huh?” Daniel asked.
“I’m sorry?” Lindsay looked up and noticed Daniel staring at the envelope, “Oh, yeah. My American friend. She said that she had sent this package the day after she sent the letter so….” She trailed off.
“You talked to her?” Daniel questioned.
“Through the Internet. I’ve only talked to her on the phone once. It’s expensive you know?”
“I know,” he smiled.
“Here, you want to look at them while I help your friend?” she placed the photos in front of him.
He didn’t actually give her a response as she walked away. It’s not that he didn’t want to see them. He just felt awkward looking at a stranger’s pics of people he didn’t even know. He picked them up and began thumbing through them. The first two pics were of people at what looked like some kind of cafeteria. The third was of a young man with black hair and a bright red streak; next to him was Lauren laughing. Daniel smiled at it wondering what she was laughing about. He turned the picture around to see if anything was written on the back: Rob and Lauren at the student center, Sept. 12, 2000. He went to the next one. This time it was of Lauren with the same girl as in the picture he saw the day before. She was slightly taller than Lauren and she had her arms tightly around her waist. He turned the pic over: Lauren and Nicole at school, Sept. 29, 2000.
The rest of the pictures were of Lauren and her friends. She seems like a very happy girl, Daniel thought. She really is very pretty.
“Daniel? What do you think of this?” Rick broke his daze.
Daniel turned to Rick who was holding up a pair of silver moon earrings. “They’re nice.”
“You think Jamie will like them?”
“Man, I think she’ll just be happy that you bought her something at all you cheap bastard.”
“Hey! I’ve bought stuff for women. Let’s not forget that.” He placed the earrings on the counter. “I’ll take them.”
“Alright,” Lindsay picked up the earrings, “I’ll ring them up.”
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: I got your pics today.
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*Cherry_Rayn says: Yeah? What did you think?
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: Who’s the cute guy with the red streak in his hair? Rob?
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Oh, yeah. He’s one of my bestfriends. We used to hang out when I was in high school. He’s the only one from my ex-party friends that I still talk to.
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: Is he single?
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*Cherry_Rayn says: Yes, but I don’t see him like that so don’t even start.
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: Who the hell said I was talk about you? ;-)
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*Cherry_Rayn says: haha. Very funny.
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*StaR_3458 says: Anyway, guess who I saw today?
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*Cherry_Rayn says: Chris Joannau? LOL
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: No, not yet. I’m sure it will only be a matter of time though. No, I saw Daniel again today.
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: Shut up!
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: No, seriously. He came into the store with his friend again and the really weird thing is that the deliveryman came in again at the same time with your package.
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*Cherry_Rayn says: So what? He saw the pictures? lol
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*StaR_3458 says: Yup!
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*Cherry_Rayn says: Lindsay!!! Please tell me that you didn’t show Daniel Johns those pictures.
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: Yes, I did. And so what? I’m telling you he thinks you’re pretty. I was watching him when he looking at them and he seemed to linger on the ones that had either just you or at least one other person with you.
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: You seriously suck, Lindsay.
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*StaR_3458 says: Haha. You’ll thank me later.
~~~
*Cherry_Rayn says: What do you mean?
~~~
*StaR_3458 says: Trust me. ;-)
To Be Continued
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