“Sorry we can’t stay, we’re late for sound check already. Sorry.”
“It’s ok.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright.”
They probably only wanted to see Daniel anyway. Yeah, harsh I know but I can’t help the way I think, the way I feel. As I look out of the car window I wave goodbye to the two girls, flashing them a quick smile.
“Aw, I nearly pulled there mate!” I say to Chris, “Those chicks were practically begging for me.”
“Sure Gillies.” Chris replies, laughing and shaking his head. Yeah you laugh all you want mate.
“Seriously Chris, you never saw them. They wanted me.” I see Chris roll his eyes, a sure sign of defeat. I look out the window, content with my performance. Am I contradicting myself yet? Ha ha, yup, that’s me – one big walking contradiction.
I look over to see what the little blonde angel is doing… the fan’s favourite. Oh, if they could only see what he’s doing now, then they might not find him so appealing… sucking his thumb, yeah very attractive Danny. I know he’s my best friend, but that doesn’t exactly stop me from thinking these things. All the years of having to put up with this have pissed me off. I mean, yeah on the exterior I may seem to be all happy and smiley but on the inside it’s not the same. I’m sick of the same repetitive charade all the time.
‘Right, you go out first Ben and try and distract everyone so that Dan can get to the bus.’
Oh yeah sure, Ben the old faithful decoy. Seems that’s all I’m good for these days.
Some people call it jealousy, and I don’t know, maybe it is. But there’s only so many times that a guy can be dismissed before he starts to feel something.
‘Oh Daniel - he’s so hot!’, ‘silverchair are absolutely amazing! Daniel is so gorgeous! He’s such an amazing guitarist and songwriter. But the other two are good too, I suppose.’
Ok, maybe that’s a bit of an over dramatisation, but it happens. All that you have to do is look through some of the ‘fan’ sites on the net – ahhh, the Internet, such a wonderful resource into the minds of ‘chairheads’ – and I guarantee you’ll find some great examples.
No.
I must stop blaming this all on Daniel. It’s not exactly his fault, he didn’t ask for this reaction. It’s what sent him over the edge. Shit, he suffers much worse than I do.
Damn, I hate all these car journeys – they give me too much time to think. I think too much, surprising for a drummer who feels the need to conform to the ‘fun lovin’, chick shaggin’ beer man’ image that seems to have been unwillingly bestowed upon him. Why the hell do they think that I drink so much anyway? It’s certainly not for social reasons, although it is a very good cover-up. I like to think of it as being escapism – it undoubtedly sounds better than alcoholism, which is the road that I feel I may be headed in the near future.
“Ben? Ben? BEN!” a voice quickly brings me back to reality. “Where the fuck were ya Ben? I’ve been trying to get your attention for, like, the past five minutes.” Says Chris.
“What… oh sorry man, I was just thinking.”
“Yeah, what about?” Chris smirks in a seemingly knowing way.
“Eh, those chicks from earlier. I don’t care what you say Chrissy-Boy, they were gagging for it. I can’t blame them though.” I smile, running my fingers through my hair for extra-added emphasis.
Oh yes, good one Ben. Keep up the pretence.
“Ok, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt on that one Benny.” Laughs Chris. “So are ya up for some post-gig partying tonight then?”
“Christopher, since when have you ever seen Benjamin David Gillies miss the opportunity to party?”
“Hmm… good point. What about you Danny? You up for it?” Here we go.
“Um… no… I… I don’t want to… I... just can’t.” mumbles Daniel, still not looking away from the blacked out windows.
“Your loss Danno.” I say, knowing that it is a lost cause. He doesn’t respond.
Once again, the car is silent. A rare opportunity that I take to travel back into the introspective world of Ben’s Brain. I wonder if Chris feels the same way. If I am alone in my dislike of our situation or if there is someone else who can sympathise. Looking at him you’d never know, but isn’t that the same with me? I don’t know. You can never know until you truly get inside the person’s head. Hmm, that sounded quite deep there didn’t it? Yeah, the ‘Deep and Meaningful Ben Gillies’, it’s almost like a pseudonym. I like that word. I read it somewhere – I think it makes me seem more intelligent by using it. Because we all know that I’m just the ditzy dumbfuck drummer that everyone knows and loves. I don’t really know if people think that, but it’s the perception that I get.
Again, I am broken from my train of thought by a voice. “Shit. Fans. Oh well, I guess it’s time for you to work some of that Gillies magic!” Watto smiles, leaning over to look at me from the front seat.
“Sure thing Watto.” I grin, realising that we have made it to tonight’s venue. Peering out of the window I look at what I have to contend with. Great – pubescent screaming teenage girls. Just what I need. “Some of them are quite cute actually.” Yeah, that comment did the trick.
“One word Ben – underage.” Laughs Watto, shaking his head.
I join in with the laughter and exit the car, ready to take up my usual position of the distraction. After all, it’s the only thing I’m good for these days.
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