Full Circle (con't): Second Ending
The sound of a phone ringing brought me out of my memories. The shrill ring continued for a few seconds before a nurse answered it. She took some quick notes, then hung up.
As soon as I had seen that it was the red phone ringing, I had risen from my emergency room chair and started towards the nurse’s station. An ambulance was coming and I had better do anything I needed to back there before the nurses began bustling around like busy honeybees.
Taking a stack of small square towels from a cart, I transplanted them to the niche where they belonged. While doing this, I heard a nurse named Adam ask, “So Mandy, who’s coming??
Mandy, the nurse who had answered the phone, replied brusquely, ? car pile–up on Duncan Ave. Most have minor injuries, but one boy is already dead. There’s also a code 214 and 593 coming in ?two teenagers.?
Obviously, everyone else in the room knew exactly what she was talking about and began bustling around. All I could understand by watching their activities was that the people coming in would need surgery.
Minutes later, the ambulances pulled in. I was always surprised by how calmly the paramedics drove in. It didn’t matter if they were bringing in a DOA or a psychopath; they always seemed so collected.
With a sort of morbid fascination, I found myself staring intently as the paramedics unloaded a patient from an ambulance. They were quick and efficient, but it wasn’t like ER or anything, where they dashed into the hospital like rabid lunatics.
Just as they were beginning to bring the stretcher out ?I could see someone’s legs ?I was tapped on the shoulder. Inadvertently, I jumped and whipped my head around.
I came face-to-face with Mandy, who smiled apologetically and said, “Sorry I startled you, Selena. I was just wondering if you could get a patient’s file for me??
“Oh, sure,?I replied, fixing a smile upon my face. A feeling of wrongness had been running through me all night and watching the paramedics was certainly not helping it. Something was up, but I didn’t know what. I didn’t want to know what and maybe some errands would get my mind off of it.
“Great,?Mandy said with a genuine smile. “I’ll call Medical Records to let them know you’re coming.?
Fake smile still plastered to my face, I nodded and started down the hall. I took my time; if Mandy was just calling now, it would take a while for Med. Records to find it. If I walked quickly, I’d just be waiting outside a closed door anyway.
Despite my meandering, I was still left waiting for a bit. “Sorry about that!?Caroline said sheepishly. “It took us a while to find this one.?
“Oh, it’s no problem,?I assured her and went on my way back to Emerg, holding the white, waxy envelope under my arm. Patient records were confidential and the envelope was specifically marked with the words: PATIENT FILE, CONFIDENTIAL. However, time and time again, I found my eye wandering to the opening of that envelope under my arm. If it would open just a little bit more, I could get a glimpse of a name...
“Hi, Selena!?
Guiltily, I jerked my head up to see Jen Hepner, another volunteer, walking by with coffee cups in hand. “Hey, Jen.?I said with a smile and a tiny wave. “How’s it going??
“Oh, the usual,?she replied, gesturing to the cups in her hands. “On a coffee run right now.?
I arched a brow. “Yes, I can see that. I could use some myself.?
She rolled her eyes expressively and answered, “I know what you mean. Anyway, I’ve gotta get going. I’ll see you later, Selena.?
“Yeah, bye!?
The whole exchange took less than 20 seconds, but it had taken my mind off of the file. Nevertheless, as I strode down the never-ending corridor, the nagging feeling of wrongness reemerged. Again, I found myself glancing down. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I had never remotely entertained the thought of looking at a patient file before and now, for some reason, I was obsessed with it! Had Kevin driven me completely mad?
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. Spying the washroom coming up, I slipped in, trying to look inconspicuous. That, of course, meant glancing around furtively like a ferret and if anyone had walked by, I couldn’t have been more conspicuous; thankfully, there was no one around. Hiding inside a stall, I gingerly peeled back the edge of the white envelope ?
And promptly dropped it.
Suddenly, the feelings of unease all made sense. It wasn’t exactly what I had expected, but it was still bad. Oh God, what I wouldn’t give for ignorance right then.
Bursting out of the stall, I caught sight of myself in the mirror and froze. My eyes were wild, wide and panicked and I had never seen myself so pale. Tears were welling up already and an anger, a hatred for fate. At the last moment, I remembered the file, that accursed thing, and picked it up off the floor before making a mad dash for Emerg.
I had been gone a while, so I expected her family to be there already. They didn’t live far from the hospital. My mind was a whirlwind, trying to work everything out. She must have been on her way home from work, it was about the right time and some jerk had run into her. After all, she couldn’t possible have been the one who caused the accident ?I didn’t know a more conscientious driver.
The paramedics had already gotten their patients into the hospital and the doctors were probably assessing them right now. I didn’t know what was wrong, but it had sounded pretty serious when Mandy and the others discussed it. Therefore, I was all the more enraged at the calm and quiet in the Emergency waiting room. God, someone could be dying right behind those sliding doors and everyone was acting like it was a starry Thursday night, perfect for a romantic moonlit walk!
Or rather, not everyone. Just as I neared the reception desk, a familiar figure burst through the outside doors, coat flapping behind his lanky frame. The sight of him stopped me in my tracks ?the expression on his face shot yet another splinter of fear into my heart.
“Mr. Thomas...?I began, then trailed off when I realized he didn’t even see me. Mr. Westley Thomas strode right up to the receptionist and eyes wide, said a bit too loudly, “My son Kevin was just brought here in the ambulance. Where might I see him??His voice quivered just slightly, almost imperceptibly, but his hands were shaking so hard he had to put them in his coat pockets.
Teresa, the receptionist, smiled sympathetically, and said apologetically, “Mr. Thomas, I’m sorry, but you’ll need to give us some information before we can let you see him.?
Kevin’s father blinked twice then sat down, shaking his head. “Yes, yes, of course. What do you need to know??
Right then, Mrs. Thomas and Kevin’s older sister, Keiara, walked through the doors. Mr. Thomas might not have seen me, but they certainly did ?I was the only person standing in the middle of the hallway with my jaw on the floor.
“Selena,?Keiara greeted me with a small, worried smile. “How are you? What are you doing here? We haven’t seen you in so long!?
I should have greeted her in kind, but the first words to come out my mouth were: “Kevin’s here??
Mrs. Thomas answered this time, her face as white as freshly fallen snow. “Yes, he was in a car accident. Four cars,?she laughed bitterly. “He certainly goes all out or not at all.?
“Where’s Kyla??Wow, I was a great conversationalist tonight.
“She had a practice for the school play,?explained Keiara. “Colin’s going to pick her up right now.?
Before I could answer, the doors opened again. This time, Mr. and Mrs. LeBlanc strode in; his face stony and businesslike while hers was streaked with tears. When they saw me, they froze and to my surprise, Mr. LeBlanc seemed to lose his composure. It was his wife who strode up to the other receptionist and gave her Juliette’s information. He walked up to our little group of three and, with as much of a hello as I’d given the Thomases, asked, “Do you know anything, Selena??
It was all too much. At least Kyla wasn’t here, or I surely would have broken down and sobbed right there and then. Instead, I looked up at Mr. LeBlanc with watery eyes and shook my head. “All I know is that it sounded serious when the nurses were discussing it. I couldn’t understand everything they said, but I think she’ll need surgery.?
“Wait, yes, what are you doing here, Selena??Mrs. Thomas asked, eyes almost suspicious as she peered at me. I didn’t blame her. I always seemed to be around when disaster struck ?she probably saw me as a bad luck charm.
My voice was emotionless as I replied, “I volunteer here.?A switch in my mind had flipped and I was slipping into a businesslike mode. I didn’t want to cry in front of these people, so there really was no other choice.
“Oh,?Keiara said at the same time Mrs. Thomas inquired, “Did you hear anything about Kevin??
“He’ll probably need surgery too.?
As if to confirm my words, Teresa the receptionist called out to me and said, “Selena, can you take the Thomases and the LeBlancs to the OR waiting room??
I nodded and walked over to hand over the white patient file before leading the families away. The walk was silent, disturbingly so, and I was glad when we finally reached the waiting room.
“Someone will be in to speak with you,?I explained, getting them settled. “I need to get back to Emerg.?
I didn’t wait for a reply. Quickly, I turned and was almost out the door when someone laid a hand on my arm. Looking back, I saw Mrs. LeBlanc peering up at me. “Selena...when you are done, would it be too much to ask for you to come here? We don’t know how long Juliette’s going to be in there and I don’t know. Maybe if we can see her tonight...well, you’re her best friend. She would want to see you.?
There was no way the doctors would let me see Jules tonight. Maybe her parents, but certainly not me. However, I didn’t say that. “Sure, Mrs. LeBlanc. I’ll come back and wait as long as it takes. I’m sure everything will be fine. The surgeons here know what they’re doing.?
“He hit your best friend??
Startled, I whirled around towards the doorway. There, Kyla sat in her wheelchair, her older brother Colin standing behind her like a sentinel. Shocked and a little taken aback by her sudden appearance, I nodded woodenly.
She sighed deeply. “The jerk. I always told him he’d end up hurting more people than just himself. But the idiot didn’t listen, of course. He’s such a blockhead!?Despite her vehement words, I could see the tears welling up in Kyla’s eyes. She was scared for her brother. Frankly, so was I.
Just before dissolving into sobs, she smiled at me tearfully and whispered, “I’ve missed you, Selena. You said you’d call, but you never did.?
The next thing I knew, I was on my knees, hugging her and crying and telling her how sorry I was. It had not been my intent to lose touch, but after the move, I found that I just couldn’t bring myself to call. What if Kevin answered? After our parting, I didn’t think I could speak to him again.
And I haven’t, I realized suddenly. He had been back in my life for almost a month after 3 years of silence and we still hadn’t exchanged a word. At that moment, I sent up a silent prayer: Please God let him live, so that I might speak to him, so that I might find some sort of closure after three years.
Just as I finished the plea, I heard an awkward cough behind Kyla. Looking up, I saw Mandy and Adam in the doorway, clipboards in hand. Hastily, Colin moved Kyla’s wheelchair out of the way and the two nurses walked briskly into the room. Glancing down at her clipboard, Mandy asked softly, “Mr. and Mrs. Thomas??
“That’s us,?Mr. Thomas said quietly. Mandy turned back towards Adam and nodded towards the LeBlancs before she went to speak to the Thomases.
I heard murmured conversations behind me as they explained what was going on. They would be explaining the extent of the injuries, though in vague terms, and asking the parents to sign operation consent forms. The surgeons were on their way, but they couldn’t operate unless there was consent. Really, I should have been listening, but I couldn’t bring myself to. Juliette was one of the most important people in my life and Kevin had been ?I had heard what the nurses had said when they got the call. I knew it was bad. I didn’t want to know more.
When they were done and Mrs. LeBlanc had broken into tears again, Mandy and Adam tapped me on the shoulder and indicated that they wished to speak to me. I followed them out into the corridor, where Mandy asked, “Selena, do you want to stay here? You don’t need to go back to Emergency. We’ll manage without you.?
“Somehow,?added Adam, with a half-joking, half-sympathetic smile.
I smiled at the quip. To Mandy, I said, after some hesitation, “Yes, I should probably stay here. I’ll just go get my stuff –“
Adam stopped me before I could take another step. “We’ll get your stuff. You stay here. They need you right now.?
He was right, of course, even if I didn’t want to be the strong one right then. With a nod, I strode back into the waiting room.
And so began a long night of sitting, of waiting in anxious silence for any news, good or bad, from the operating room.
Midnight came and went and still there was nothing. Adam came in once with drinks and cookies, but the latter was left virtually untouched. No one had much of an appetite. Besides, the cookies didn’t seem to fit into the atmosphere. They seemed to suggest we were members of some happy Sunday School party while we felt more like a harried family cowering in the calm before the storm.
Finally, at 3 AM, the surgeons came in, looking weary but not wary, which is always a good sign.
“Mr. and Mrs. Thomas??asked the tall, gray-haired surgeon who looked about the age of 60. As the Thomases rose, he motioned for them to sit back down. I heard him introduce himself as Dr. McCormack just as the other surgeon approached Juliette’s parents.
“My name is Dr. Martina Allerick,?she said, offering a hand to the LeBlancs.
Juliette’s mother reached for that hand and clung to it like a lifeline. Gazing up at Dr. Allerick with red-rimmed eyes, she implored, “How’s my little girl? Is she okay? Please say she’s alright. She has to be –“
Dr. Allerick patted her hand and replied, “Mrs. LeBlanc, you have no need to worry. Juliette’s going to be fine. She’s unconscious right now and won’t be coming around for a while, but I can assure you that she’ll be alright.?
“Oh, thank God!?Mrs. LeBlanc breathed and fell back against her husband.
I felt a wave of relief rush over me as well. Juliette was going to be okay. Oh, but those were the sweetest words I’d ever heard! A smile of joy began to spread across my face just as I heard someone behind me begin to sob. Oh my goodness, Kevin! I’d forgotten about him in my relief!
However, when I turned, eyes wide with apprehension, I saw that it wasn’t grief that made Mrs. Thomas weep. In that instant, the weight that I’d been carrying since I first saw Kevin again slid from my shoulders.
Grinning broadly, I stepped into the hallway and leaned against the wall. There, I began to laugh a little, then a bit more, until I was positively guffawing. God, it felt so good to be able to feel relieved. Sitting down, I leaned my head back against the wall, closed my eyes and just enjoyed the sensation.
“They’re both alright, I take it??
Blinking my eyes open, I saw Adam towering above me, smiling as he stood swathed in his heavy jacket. “My shift just ended,?he replied to be questioning look. “But you haven’t answered my question yet. Am I right? They’re both okay??
“How could you tell??
“Well,?he explained as he slowly bent down and took a seat beside me. “If the disappearance of my cookies didn’t give it away, the giant, goofy grin on your face would certainly have.?
I put a hand to my cheek, feeling a blush coming on. “Was I really grinning like the Cheshire Cat in the middle of the hallway??
“Not just grinning, my dear,?he corrected with an arched brow and a twinkle in his eyes. “You were positively glowing. If I’d had sunglasses I’d have worn them.?
“Oh, dear.?
“Oh, don’t worry about it, Selena,?he said, turning serious. “You deserve to smile a little. It’s been a tough few hours.?
I snorted. ?‘A tough few hours?is an understatement, Adam. I really believed for a while that I’d never see either of them again.?Much to my horror and embarrassment, the memory of that feeling brought tears to my eyes. Even then, I hadn’t fully acknowledged what that would mean, losing them both. I had been too numb to comprehend the repercussions. But now it was hitting me, and it was causing me to humiliate myself in front of Adam.
But I didn’t give him enough credit. He was a trained, professional nurse; he’d seen this before. Instead of judging me, he placed an arm about me and let me cry in silence.
Four days later, I found myself sitting beside Juliette’s hospital bed, telling her now Ryan Forester had reacted to the news of her accident.
“And his eyes just sort of grew in slow-motion and we you could see them getting tearing. I’m telling you Jules, the boy was on the verge of tears when I told him you were still unconscious. I swear, it was as it you were in a coma, for all the hysterics he went into. If you ever doubted that he liked you before, doubt no more honey!?
“Oh, God,?exclaimed Juliette, throwing an arm over her eyes in mock horror ?the other arm was broken and in a cast which I had been the first to sign. “Why Ryan Forester? Why me?! I mean, okay, he’s a sweetie, but he’s also so dull! Why couldn’t someone interesting, someone fun, like Dorian McLeod be in love with me? I mean, he’s smart, he’s funny, he’s school captain and a hottie ?Wait a minute! How did Dorian react to the news??
I shrugged and tried to be non-chalant, but a smile broke through soon enough. “Well, he didn’t yell or throw a fit in public like Ryan...?
“But??Juliette prodded, eyes practically popping out of her head in anticipation.
“But what??
“Selena!?she screamed, her foot kicking the mattress in frustration. “Don’t do this to me! I just had a bad accident a few days ago and the broken ribs are aching. Play nice ?tell me!?
I had to laugh at her outburst, even if the rib comment was probably true; this was so typically Juliette. “Okay, okay, don’t get too excited. It’s not good for your heart, you know.?
Her eyes shot daggers at me.
Laughing again, I explained, “As I said, he didn’t overreact in public, but afterwards, he caught up with me and asked if you really would be alright. When I said yes, he asked if he could come and see you sometime and when a good time would be.?
Juliette’s eyes resembled those of a cartoon frog as she demanded, “And? What did you tell him??
I had already gotten up and gone to the door. “That now would be a good time.?And with that, I opened the door and ushered Dorian inside. I had just enough time to register Juliette’s open-mouthed expression of shock before closing the door behind me. She’d get over the surprise soon enough and then she’d be flirting like the pro she was.
I was happy for her, but this also left me with a dilemma. Dorian had been my ride to the hospital and he was also my way home. I was stuck here until he finished visiting Jules. That, I thought, would take some time and what could I do until then? I considered going down to chat with the ER nurses, but they were sure to be very busy. I didn’t feel like reading Reader’s Digest or Macleans and sitting in the caf by my lonesome wasn’t appealing either. This of course, left only one option: Kevin. I still hadn’t spoken to him, though my plea to God was clear in my mind: Please God let him live, so that I might speak to him, so that I might find some sort of closure after three years. Well, the Lord had kept his end of the deal, but so far I had not.
With a sigh, I stood and walked down the hall to the nurse’s station.
“Hi, my name is Selena Richardson. I’m here to see Kevin Thomas.?
The nurse, a middle-aged woman with her dark-brown hair pulled back in a severe bun, asked, “Are you a relative??
“No, but I believe his parents signed a consent form which states that I am allowed to visit him.?
After a moment of typing on the computer, she nodded. “Yes, they did. Could I see some photo ID, please??
Digging in my purse, I finally came up with last year’s student card. It would have to do. I handed it over and after some inspection, the nurse nodded. Handing the card back to me, she said, “He’s in room 408. You can visit for half an hour at most.?
“Thank you,?I said, and she nodded acknowledgement. Then, taking a deep breath, I walked down the hall in the direction she had indicated. 404, 406, 408. Upon seeing the door, I was almost tempted to turn around and go back to the waiting room. But no, I couldn’t do that. I had to speak to him; otherwise I’d regret it later.
Softly, I knocked on the door and waited. There was no reply. Again, I considered going away, but collected my confidence and knocked once more. This time, I didn’t wait for a reply, but walked right in.
At first, I was terribly confused and thought I’d found the wrong room; unless Kevin had aged 3-fold, the old man in the bed by the door was certainly not him. Luckily, the man was sound asleep and looked in no way like he was about to wake up in the next ten hours or so. Still, I felt compelled to apologize for bursting into his room like this and managed to stutter, “Oh, uh, oh dear. I’m sorry. Wrong room. I’ll just be –“
“Selena??
For a moment, I thought the old man was a ventriloquist, talking to me with his mouth closed in Kevin’s voice. Then, it occurred to me that he couldn’t possibly know my name. “Wha??I said it aloud and was answered:
“I’m behind the curtain.?
It was the first time I noticed the curtain cordoning off the other half of the room. Striding over, I peeked behind it to see Kevin lying back in bed, wearing square, wire-rimmed glasses and reading a “Get Well?card.
The first thing that came to mind was this: “You were glasses??
He looked up at me from behind the card then. There were bruises on his face and a bandage about his head, but his green eyes were joyfully alert. “It’s been over three years since we’ve exchanged words, decent or otherwise, and the first thing you can say to me is, ‘You wear glasses? Selena, don’t tell me you’ve lost your eloquence.?
Despite myself, I wanted to smile. I suppressed it though and managed to say, “I can see you haven’t lost yours.?
“But you thought I had, did you not??
His blunt question was much too on-the-mark for my comfort. I remained silent.
Faced with my speechlessness, Kevin put down the card and took off his glasses. He winced at the motion and I blurted out, “How are you??just as he conceded, “You were right, of course.?
We both paused after that. Then, he smiled and motioned to the chair at the window. When I had sat down, he answered, “I’ve felt better.?
I didn’t know what to say after that and the air seemed to grow thicker with words unsaid. At last, he spoke: “But it’s my fault, of course. I said you were right about me. I know what you think of me ?I’ve seen the way you’ve looked at me this past month. And,?he looked away then; “how could I forget the way you looked at me the last time we spoke? Do you know…do you know how many times I’ve played that scene over in my head and wondered how I could have acted that way towards you? Do you know how many times I picked up the phone to call you and tell you that I’m worry? I never did, of course; I was too of a coward and I eventually put it all in the back of my head, hoping that if I didn’t think about it, the memory would disappear. And it seemed to work ?until I saw you again.?
He couldn’t know how his words uplifted me and I should have said so right then. I wanted to, but I found myself saying instead: “I thought you were hurt. You sure can talk a lot, for an injured person. Where do you find the energy??
Kevin turned towards me with an expression of hurt disbelief. Then he smiled ironically and remarked ruefully, “I can see you haven’t lost you acerbic tongue, Selena.?Before I could explain myself, his expression hardened and he demanded coldly, “So, why are you here, Selena? Are you here to preach to me? To gloat about how you were right? To mock me??
I almost gave up right then. I had seen that expression before and I knew he wasn’t likely to hear what I had to say while he wore it. In fact, I had gotten up and was almost out of his sight when I realized that, no matter if he was listening or not, there was one thing I had to say to him. Turning back, I saw that he had picked the card back up, but he was glaring up at me.
“You know, you never even sent me a get-well card,?he began but I spoke over him:
“You asked me why I’m here. Well, here it is: I can here because even after you became a druggie, even after you seemed to forget about my very existence, even after you hit my best friend four days ago and both of you almost died, ever after all that, I realized that I still cared about you, that I believed the old Kevin was inside somewhere and I thought that maybe I could help you find him again. But I can see you didn’t need me to help you. You’ve found your cold, eloquent, arrogant self all on your own. Congratulations.?
I was already out the door when I heard him calling after me. I hesitated a little, but didn’t go back. That is, not until I’d heard a muffled crash and then someone whine, “Oww!?Hesitating again, I decided to peek back in, just in case it was the old man who needed help. If it’s Kevin, I told myself, I’ll just leave him lying on the ground and get the nurse if I feel like being nice.
As it turned out, it was Kevin, his butt on the floor and IVs still stuck in his arms. I came so close to laughing that a small smile spread on my face, but as promised, I turned to walk away.
“Selena, wait, no, Selena! Come back! Come on, Lina! Ah, ow! W-wait! Selena! Owwww!?
From the crash, he’d fallen again. I looked back once more and oh, he truly was a pathetic sight. You had to feel sorry for the poor guy. With a bandage wrapped around his head, a cast on his leg, his hair flopping in his eyes and his lips set in a pout, he really did look like a lost and wounded puppy.
“Okay, Thomas. You’ve got one minute. Now, explain why it is that I should wait and listen to you??
“Because I’m cute??he suggested with a hopeful grin, eyes opened wide.
I had to smile at that one. “Lying’s going to get you nowhere, Thomas.?
“That’s what you say.?
“Thirty seconds, Thomas.?
“Okay, okay, I’ll get serious…as soon as you help me to the bed.?
“Oh, please. You’re just stalling.?
Kevin made an exasperated sound in the back of his throat. “You don’t honestly mean for me to sit here in a heap and explain to you why you should hear me out, do you??When I didn’t answer, his face took on an indignant look. “Selena!?he scolded. “That’s just cruel!?
“Oh, all right,?I conceded with a sigh. Leaning down, I placed my arm under his and helped him to stand. Still supporting him, I led him limping over to his bed.
“Hey, ow! Gently, gently,?he warned as I helped him lie down. “I think one of the tube thingys is stuck in your hair clip.?
Face mere inches from his, I stared at him incredulously. “You’ve gotta be kidding me!?
“I assure you, I kid you not.?And seeing I was about to protest, he added, “Hey, look. It’s my arm that’s being pulled and it hurts, alright? Just lean down for a second and let me untangle it, will you??
“Be quick about it,?I muttered darkly. I was, in face, not opposed to Kevin putting his arms around me at all. However, I was still supposed to be upset with him and with a guy like Kevin, you couldn’t act like too much of a pushover.
Hesitantly, though I tried not to show it, I bent my head down and he reached behind it.
“Down a little more,?he said and pulled me head down further before I could react. The next thing I knew, I was lying just below his collarbone, listening to his heartbeat while my but was stuck up high in the air.
And finding myself in this awkward position, I was faced with an epic dilemma: how in the world could he smell so good when he’d just been in a serious car accident four days ago? I mean, was that soap, aftershave or cologne? My head felt a little fuzzy and I was having trouble telling.
At last, I found my voice and managed to croak, “Are you done yet??
“Almost,?was his reply and my ear rumbled with the reverberation his voice made in his chest. Oh God, if I didn’t get away soon, I’d jump him right there!
“Kevin, look –“ I began as I started pulling away. But that was as far as I got, as Kevin’s arm behind me suddenly pushed me closer to him and I felt myself lurching towards his face. Just as out lips touched, my hand, which I’d put out to steady myself, landed on Kevin’s shoulder.
Immediately, he let go of me with a yelp of pain. The next few minutes were a mess of confusion as he yelped and whimpered and I tried unsuccessfully to help.
“Well, that wasn’t exactly what I’d hoped for,?Kevin admitted when everything had calmed down a little.
I had to laugh, if a bit awkwardly, at that as I took a seat again in the chair by the window. “I’ll bet,?I agreed. “But I told you that you had one minute to explain yourself. I haven’t heard much explaining yet, Thomas.?
“Ah, yes, right. Why should you stay here and continue speaking to me??he mused aloud. “Well, I don’t supposed ‘because I’m a good kisser?is going to impress you much??
“Uh...no.?
“Right. Well...?and I truly believed he wouldn’t continue, for the silence lasted quite a while. I almost reminded him of my one-minute stipulation, but that seemed inappropriate at the moment.
However, despite my doubts, he did speak at last. “Okay Selena, I’ll be straight with you. I’ve told you that I know what you think of me and...I think you’ve sensed that your opinion matters to me. Three years ago, when all this began, I thought different. I thought that I could push aside the looks you and Kyla gave me when I came in with cigarettes in my pocket or the smell of weed on my clothes. But I was wrong. Three years have passed and there hasn’t been one day when either Kyla or the memory of your disapproval haven’t glared back at me, silently criticizing my weakness. And before, I tried to get away from that be getting stoned again, but after this accident, I can see that that’s no solution.
“Now, I see that look you’re giving me. ‘What does this really have to do with me??is the question it’s asking. Admittedly, I’ve gotten a bit sidetracked, but my whole point is that in these past three years I’ve realized that I care about you and that I miss you. And I really don’t think I could handle it if...if you walked away from me in disgust again.?The confession seemed to take something out of him and as his shoulders slumped, he looked away.
I didn’t say anything for some time, since I really didn’t know what to make of his words. I couldn’t seem to find any awesome point to what he’d said and yet, I knew it should have been profound somehow. “You mean, you want to call a truce or something and be friends again??I said slowly at last.
“If that’s what you feel we should be.?
“Well, to tell you the truth, I never knew we’d stopped being friends. And what do you mean: ‘What I feel we should be??
“Er, um...I was, um, hoping you might be willing to try being more than friends. I mean, I don’t know when I’ll be out of the hospital, so I can’t ask you on a date or anything, but I thought that it couldn’t do any harm to ask now and...I...um, yes, well...right, um...?
It was at that moment that I laughed and his face turned bright red. Without looking at me, he stumbled on, “If you don’t really, um, want that, I can understand. I mean, uh, that day on the stairs, your friend said that I had hurt you and, well, I never meant to do that. Wait, but it doesn’t matter if I meant to do it or not, that’s no excuse, I know, and so I should make amends before asking anything more of you, I know that, but as far as I know, this could be my only chance to talk to you and now that I know that you’ve at least thought of me, I sort of wanted maybe a sort of guarantee, but then again, I r-realize that I don’t really have the right to ask for one –“
I’d heard enough of his bumbling and put my finger over his lips, for I had made up my mind. “First of all, Thomas, I have to say that I never imagined there would come a day when you became tongue-tied. Second, deserving or no, you’ll get your guarantee if you can promise me one thing.?I sat back in the chair so he could make his reply.
A light had flickered in his gold-flecked eyes when I had spoken of a guarantee. Now he looked intently at me and said, “And that would be??
“No more drugs, Kevin.?
A small, rueful smile played upon his lips. “My leg is broken, I’ve got a bandage on my head and quite a headache, not to mention that someone I once called friend is now lying six feet under the ground, all because we got a little high. I think I can promise you that, Selena.?
Still, I wasn’t convinced. “Addictions don’t just go away that easily.?
“True,?he conceded. “But I believe that if I truly want it, I’ll prevail somehow. After all, I know quite a few people who’d be happy to help me out.?And now all his attention was focused solely on me. “Is that good enough for you? Will you be one of them? Will you be there for me??
Was if my imagination or was the music finally returned to his voice? Was the old Kevin I loved truly coming back to me? I couldn’t know for certain, but I was willing to stick around and find out. And if I could help him find his way back, I would. In answer his question, I smiled and gazed down at his dark-lashed eyes before leaning down and showing him what a kiss really meant.
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