Clerks

-- Nemo me impune lacessit! -- ( Let him who offend me beware! )

-[ The scene opens inside of a local Circle K where B-Pac is seen browsing through the many choices of beverages. He finally reaches a decision and decides to reward his curiosity by grabbing a Vanilla Coke. At that moment, his cell phone rings. B-Pac pulls his phone from his waist, sees the caller ID says "Smokey's Cell" and clicks the answer button. ]-

B-Pac: "Yeah, what's up?"

Smoke Dawg: "Hey, where are you at?"

B-Pac: "I am at the 7-11. Why?"

Smoke Dawg: "I was just gonna meet up with you and maybe go talk some strategy for Monday. But anyways, I'll be there at the 7-11 in about one minute... I was on my way there to start with."

B-Pac: "Okay, see you then. Later."

-[ B-Pac hangs up his phone and puts it back in the holder on his belt. He continues shopping as he walks up to the beef jerkey aisle. He eyes down some red hot sausages and grabs an entire unopened box of them as well as a box of nacho flavored Slim Jims. He smiles showing he is satisfied with his wise shopping decisions and walks up to the counter, placing the box of red hot sausages, Slim Jims, and Vanilla Coke on the counter. The tall, skinny clerk with buck teeth, stringy brown hair and a long nose looks at him funny and shakes her head. ]-

Clerk: "I'm sorry sir, we don't sell those by the boxes... we sell them individually."

B-Pac: "Aww, come on. It says that there are 12 in each box so just ring one up and multiply the price by 12. Do you have to have a high school education to work at these places?"

Clerk: "I can't do that, sir. I'm sorry. If you'd buy some individually, I could ring them up for you..."

B-Pac: "Individually? You want them individually, do ya? Well, here... ring them up "individually"!"

-[ B-Pac opens up the boxes and dumps the contents onto the counter as hot sausages and Slim Jims fall all over the place. The clerk gives B-Pac the 'you're an asshole look' and casually begins ringing them up one by one. Just then, B-Pac's phone rings again... again it is Smoke Dawg so he answers it. ]-

B-Pac: "Hello?"

Smoke Dawg: "Dude... where the hell are you at?"

B-Pac: "I told you I'm at the 7-11 before... and I'm still at the 7-11."

Smoke Dawg: "You're not at the 7-11."

B-Pac: "Yes the hell I am at the 7-11. Here, this clerk will tell you. Lady, aren't I at the 7-11?"

Clerk: "No."

B-Pac: "No? What the hell is wrong with you people?! I am at the 7-11 and that is final!"

Clerk: "The 7-11 is down the road... you're at the Circle K."

-[ B-Pac's facial expression goes blank as he realizes his error. ]-

B-Pac: "Smokey... errr, sorry about that. I'm at Circle K, not 7-11."

Smoke Dawg: "Told you that you weren't at the 7-11. Anyway, dude, I'm leaving 7-11 so I'll meet you there in a second or two."

B-Pac: "Okay. See you then."

-[ B-Pac hangs up his cell phone and waits for the clerk to finish ringing up his stuff. After a minute or two, she finishes and puts it all in a big plastic bag. ]-

Clerk: "Your total is $26.50, sir."

B-Pac: "Here ya go... hey, I'm really sorry for being an ass to you."

Clerk: "No appolgy needed... Mr. B-Pac."

B-Pac: "Ahh, so you know who I am, huh?"

Clerk: "Of course I know who you are... and you know what would make our encounter today a little better than it has been so far?"

B-Pac: "What? You want an autograph or something?"

Clerk: "No..."

B-Pac: "You don't? Then what would make our encounter today a little better than it has been so far?"

Clerk: "If you would take me home with you and have wild, animal-like sex with me continuously until morning comes."

B-Pac: "What the...!"

-[ As the clerk makes obscene motions with her tongue and begins rubbing her chest, B-Pac looks about ready to puke as he grabs his bag and takes off out of the doors of the Circle K. He makes a mad dash for his car. As he reaches his car, Smoke Dawg is pulling up. B-Pac catches his breath while Smokey parks and walks over to him. ]-

Smoke Dawg: "What's wrong with you, B... you look like you've seen a ghost."

B-Pac: "Even worse... that ugly-ass lady in there tried to seduce me and was licking her tongue at me and touching herself. I almost didn't make it man... I've never been more scared of anything in my life. It was terrible... I don't know if I can continue on without therapy. I mean, she was uglier than Chandra... she looked about the same as Wicked D, though... all straggly and nasty looking. Just think... now everytime I see Wicked D's ugly ass face, I will have horrible nightmares about this nasty bitch. Damn Wicked D for looking like a ugly, psycho, nappy headed bitch... damn him to hell!"

Smoke Dawg: "That bad, huh? Say... is it that tall skinny chick that is running towards us?"

B-Pac: "Holy s#!t, that is her! Let's get the hell outta here!"

-[ B-Pac and Smoke Dawg hurry to get into their cars as they squeel tires and take off like lightning out of the Circle K parking lot. The scene fades.. to... black. ]-

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