anonymous alcoholic (DOS 12/12/90)
Loc: 2689 Ridgecrest Drive
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 8:16:09 AM
Topic: is knowing WHY we drank important?
Les
Loc: San Diego
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 9:04:41 AM
Perhaps we could share on the joy of sobriety.
The crazy world of Avril G
Loc: Belgium via Barnsley UK
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 9:36:18 AM
Maybe the two suggested topics can be combined. WHY did I drink?? Because I suffer from the disease of alcoholism. Do I question WHY I have Ischaemic Heart disease? Diverticular disease? Any other illness I suffer from?? NO!! WHY?? Because I have to accept that I have them and make the best of it. The joys of sobriety for me, began when I did just that ACCEPTED that I suffer from a disease which is threefold, Physical, mental and spiritual. Once I stopped analyzing WHY I drank, I found I could accept it and get on with recovery. Today when I got up and cleaned my teeth, I did not puke!! My first drink of the day was coffee!! I managed to cook a meal and eat some myself!! JOYS?? YOU BET. I recently reached 12 years of sobriety, which in itself is a joy. My life is causing me some pain right now, watching a loved one follow my path into destructive alcoholism, and there is nothing I can do about that. I AM POWERLESS over people, places and things as well as alcohol/ism. As much as I hate that feeling of powerlessness, I have to ACCEPT it, it is the only way I can deal with it. I don't need to ask WHY I drank, I just did, I drank to excess, I almost died from it, but analyzing WHY is futile. Analysis=Paralysis. There have been more joyous events in my life of sobriety than before, and I believe that the 'less than joyous events' are there for a reason, for me to grow through them. ~~*SOBRIETY ROCKS*~~ goodallavril2000@yahoo.co.uk
Adam H.
Loc: Chicago, IL
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 9:46:49 AM
Adam, alcoholic. Why I drank...well, at first, I drank because I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere, be it with other people or just simply inside my own skin. Not long after that, I was drinking because drinking had helped me succeed at being with other people and with myself. Pretty soon I was drinking because I was alone...nobody seemed to like the person I became when I was drinking. A few short years later I was drinking because it hurt too much to be sober and alone. Not long after, I was stealing booze from the apartment next door and I had to make the evidence disappear. What's the joy of sobriety? That I live comfortably in my own skin and among other people. I never thought I could have that feeling and be sober at the same time. Before AA, I never felt like that drunk or sober. However, what's happened as a result of the Steps and the fellowship is that for the last six years I've made friends whom I've discovered have a great deal in common with me, I've learned to have gratitude for what I do have and can do, and I've developed some integrity and dignity, and I've become a worker among workers. And I've been around long enough to learn that it's an ongoing process...which means that I get a chance to keep growing in these areas provided I don't pick up a drink a day at a time. What can I say...sobriety is wonderful because it's progressive too. Thanks for letting me share.
Tom S
Loc: NYC
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 10:05:03 AM
I thought I drank because it helped me to escape from myself and the world around me. However, I later discovered that those were just excuses for my disease to flourish. I found that I simply had a compulsion to drink and couldn't control it or quit. Why it was like that wasn't important and couldn't be explained. What was important was that I found joy and comfort in turning over my compulsion to the program and my higher power, one day at a time. By doing that, my compulsion to drink was lifted, and things in my life have gotten better. Joy doesn't need to be explained, only experienced as it happens.
AZbill
Loc: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 11:02:46 AM
Hi Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona and facing two great topics. In the Doctor's Opinion on page xxvi (xvi in the pocket edition and xxviii in the 4th edition); it tells me in the last paragraph that men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. That defines the why of it sufficiently enough for me to get into recovery. Now, during my drinking days, I would tell you that I drank at _____ fill in the blank. But this was to cover up the fact that I knew I was not drinking normally. This was a major part of my denial system. I call it the "you would drink too if you had my problems" syndrome. As for the joy of sobriety. Impossible to write about. But I will share this last month with you. I just returned from VA Beach visiting my former wife, my hubby in law, and my six daughters. The BIG God shot was, I got to walk one of my daughters down the aisle along side of my hubby in law. (Her Step Dad). I am welcome in all of their homes and this is a direct result of the program as is my sobriety. If numbers count I was 21 on the 21st of this month. But it is not the distance from the last drink that counts, it is the distance to the next one and in that we all are equal. The next drink will get us drunk. Bill az-bill@mindspring.com
Patty C.
Loc: mid-atlantic
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 11:34:01 AM
This would make a great topic for the beginner’s page. I know I wasted alot of time in early sobriety trying to analyze why I drank. Once I finally gave up and accepted the disease concept, I could let go of looking for answers that aren't there. I drink because that's what alcoholics do. I stay sober because that's what this alcoholic chooses to do.
PappyPaw B
Loc: Coldwater Michigan
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 1:20:55 PM
I am PappyPaw, I am a grateful alcoholic. I am amused to see so many who strive for change plunge on in to a dilemma of confusion. A member so anonymous he has no name ask "Is it important to know why I drank." So far everyone has told him why they drink...this is not an answer to his question. Step 4, Yes, it is important to know why I drank...How will I address the problem if I have not identified the problem. My sponsor told me, "You cannot kill a tree by pulling off the leaves, you must go for the roots." Spiritual Bankruptcy caused me to abusively drink for all the effects it produced causing my mental addiction. Drinking this way caused my physical addiction. Attacking my main problem, "Spiritual Bankruptcy" with out drinking alcohol, brought me relief to every problem I faced. I found my solution in the 12 steps of AA and going to AA meetings where I share this new way of life with others who share my common problem. One of my rewards is the joy of sobriety which comes to me from having found a way to live where I do not have to drink which opens the gate to quality sobriety. I do this now...One day at a time. I still have problems...the difference today is...I now have answers. Today I know that if I pray for potatoes, I must pick up a hoe. God could and would, May you find Him now. Patty is so right..Do not dwell on why, just accept the fact that you are and move on into the freedoms of recovery. PappyPaw ><>
Bonny G
Loc: Hot Springs, AR
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 1:46:00 PM
Bonny, grateful recovering alcoholic, great topics and great posts. I want to add to this by saying that I think this topic sounds like a 4th Step question from a sponsee. Once I understood "why I drank" I could begin to watch for signs that led me to a drink. I drank as a result of ____. Knowing what I know today, I watch for the discomfort, and I can question why I have these feelings. My sponsor tells me to put it on paper, "it's different on paper than it is in my head." The joys of sobriety are too numerous to mention. I changed "my" actions as a result of doing the 4th Step. I do not expect others to change their actions. How I live today is so very different from yesterday, I am truly grateful to be sober in mind, body and spirit. If I want my old lifestyle back, I'm sure it's there waiting for me, but I've made the choice to be sober. With 8+ years, I don't want to drink today, and God willing the rest of my life will be a sober one.
Valerie M.
Loc: Canada
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 1:57:24 PM
Personally, it was important to know what compelled me to drink in the first place. I remember I drank because I knew it would numb all the anxiety I was feeling. Once I recognized that, though, I worked on the two separately. I went to AA because I didn't want to drink anymore and I started to work on what was causing the anxiety. I think it's important to know why we drank so we can work on it and move on. As for the joys of sobriety - I could gush on and on... I will say that I notice I laugh a lot more now and really appreciate each and every moment. That in itself makes sobriety worthwhile for me.
Donnie M (D.O.S. 3-1-99)
Loc: Short Gap, W.Va.
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 2:14:56 PM
Hi all Donnie here and I am an alcoholic and these are two great topics. Why I drank was simple because I could and I still say I was the best at it, but I know there is a couple of million other drunks that would what to challenge me. Why I quit? Only God knows why. I don’t question it I just never forget for the gift he has given me and for helping so many others. Thanks for letting me share and God bless all.
Sarah
Loc: NW USA
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 5:26:24 PM
Why I drank and the joy of sobriety ... great topics. AA told me I could find sobriety one day at a time in their 'spiritual program'. This was a 'new healing solution' as my program of the use of 'spirits (as defined by Webster's New World Dictionary ...distilled alcoholic liquor)' didn't have the "Healing Power". The 'spirits' led me to believe they would give a "Healing Power" but it was 'False Evidence Appearing Real'. Thanks one and all for sharing your Experience, Strength and Hope.
John H
Loc: Indiana, USA
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 5:32:58 PM
Hi, folks, back again, John an alcoholic. This is becoming a weekly habit, one of joy, relating to all that are seeking and/or providing answers to alcoholic problems. First of all, analyzing why one drank to such a degree is wasted motion and should be a low priority. The first and most important effort that be given is the commitment to not picking up that first drink! As one has said, alcoholism is a physical, mental and spiritual disease. In my case, with minimal analysis, I've concluded that I was early on spiritually unmotivated, bordering on spiritual bankruptcy. With such distance from the spiritual, I began to drink due to underlying fears. Having little or no faith, there was a lacking in self-esteem, confidence, joy and other good values. Alcohol became a crutch that gave momentary relief, but eventually became a harmful and unhappy existence for me and others. September 2 will be my 16th year of continuous sobriety. AA has provided a guide for life that I've never understood before, people to whom I can share and receive that really care and understand--because they have experienced similar problems about which they are in desperation willing to discuss. Why did I drink? I was dumb, listening to the wrong voices and influences. How did I find joy and sobriety? By listening to the voices of AA, the right voices and influences. Have faith in the Higher Power and fears will melt in time and so will the desire to drink alcohol. God blesses us all; we just have to seek the truth, and it will be found in AA. Have a good week!!!
Anne M
Loc: NY
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 6:32:35 PM
Hello, I'm Anne & I'm an alcoholic, and I feel it is very important to discover why I drank. To me, that's what the 4th Step will be all about for me....what pushed my buttons and why, so I can learn to overcome and change those personality traits that got me in this mess to begin with. Personally, just acknowledging that I have a problem and stopping it will not fully fix me. As for the joy of sobriety, I am thrilled to be able to be here for my daughter when she needs and/or wants me; I am healthier physically and emotionally; I am much less angry (usually!); and I am striving toward inner peace and happiness, which I could have never attained while drinking and drugging. AnneM
scott M
Loc: Idaho
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 6:42:13 PM
Hi folks: Scott here, I am new at this Aa on line. but am very excited. I drank, because I didn't like the way I felt about myself. I also drank because I wanted to be accepted by my buddies in School. After I drank all my friends away I drank alone. I am very grateful to be sober. I wouldn't have a family if I hadn't gotten Sober. Had it not been for my wife giving me a choice between her or the drink, I would have never made it. Thanks for letting me share.
Yvonne
Loc: Scotland
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 8:18:49 PM
At first I drank because I wanted to and then I drank because I didn't know how to stop. I wanted to stop drinking but nothing seemed to work. When AA taught me how to stop drinking I then had to learn how to stay sober and thats where working the steps was necessary for me. Step 4 helped me to identify the patterns of behaviour that usually led to me drinking and step 5 helped me to deal with the pain and guilt of the past that I had always used alcohol to obliterate.But really the most important step that helped me to understand why I drank was step one and it was the hardest for me to understand at first as it seemed just too simple. I drank because I was powerless over alcohol. The joys of sobriety have been many..some of them simple little things ..a general appreciation of the beauty in life. Some of them wonderful things like being sober to watch my son getting married, rebuilding a relationship with my daughter, being accepted for university. But perhaps the best thing of all is having hope again and looking forward to the future with the faith that life will unfold just as it is meant to. I'm not afraid any more.
Jeff
Loc: Ne.
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 10:26:58 PM
Why? Yes it is important to know "why". The big book say`s in step Four that we had to get down to term`s & conditions. I feel that if i didn`t know why, then i wouldn`t have been able to stop when i did.
Jenny W
Loc: Texas
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 11:37:30 PM
Jenny here, and I am an alcoholic. This is my first time to this site and I have to say it is saving my ___ right now. Thank you to everyone for sharing. Why I drank used to be important to me, so much so that I obsessed about why I drank and thought little about why I wanted to get sober. I thought that maybe it was because I came from an alcoholic family, or maybe it was because I wasn't loved enough or too much. All sorts of reasons why I drank popped into my head at one time or another. Once I quit thinking about the why and surrendered to a Higher Power, why I stay sober is much more important to me. The gifts this program has given me are too numerous to list, but the most important one is a faith in a Higher Power and a feeling of peace where I used to get very angry. I celebrated a year of sobriety last month and the feeling of gratitude and love that I felt when picking up my chip was overwhelming. I know that I will never be able to repay Alcoholics Anonymous or any of it's members for what they have given me, but to give it back to sponsees and sharing in meetings helps me stay sober and hopefully helps someone else also. I stay sober because Alcoholics Anonymous has given me the best life I have ever known. Thanks for letting me share.
John M.
Loc: Eugene, OR
Date: 8/26/2002
Time: 12:06:00 AM
Interesting discussion for the first day of our topics! The "why' I drank has already been addressed by everyone and, it is true, the 4th step, has brought clarity to my life about how I responded/reacted to situations, places, people, etc. in my life. It is also true that I enjoyed the effect, wanted to "belong", etc.etc. and that it numbed lots of my feelings and pain, anger, fear, sadness,etc. Anaylzing it won't help a bit though. My first sponsor told me that the first four letters of the word "analyze"aare "anal" and to get my head out of my ____and instead of darkness I might begin seeing sunlight. I did. Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems! Don't want to shut the door on the past nor regret it -- yet want to concentrate on TODAY and use the tools that have been so freely given. That's where the JOY is for me. Living sober one day at a time and, If I do a gratitude inventory, see that the promises are coming truer and more real each and everyday. So,, I go to meetings, do service work, volunteer at Central Office, etc. That's gratitude (action) attitude that keeps growing as well.
Mark D
Loc: NH
Date: 8/26/2002
Time: 10:25:48 AM
I think it is very important to know why we drank. I think that it is of equal importance to address this issue at the right time and not allow oneself to feel victimized by people; conditions; etc. I was in an outpatient program and was told that early sobriety is not the time to try to figure this out. First of all your brain is still mush from the effects of alcohol. Clarity is still a ways off. and you need clarity to undertake this step. Just be comforted in knowing that it's on the agenda down the road. There was some squabbling one day about this amongst us newly dry drunks and our counselor related a story about 2 people in a boat. A leak sprung in the boat as soon as the two got in. One guy argued that the other caused the leak by driving down the bumpy road too fast and a rock shot up and hit the boat while it was being towed. The other shot back and said the other one caused it by dropping it in the shallow water when they first launched it. The point is that either , both or none of these reasons could be the correct one, but if they didn't first put their attention to plugging up that hole, they would be sunk!
Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Loc: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 8/26/2002
Time: 10:26:55 AM
Yes, it was very important for me to know why I drank. Before I got to AA, I thought I drank for lots of personal reasons. I was sad, angry and scared. When I drank I entered a fantasy world where I was significant and kind and helpful, but finally I could not pay the price of that dream anymore. I had tried AA and “it didn’t work”, so for me the only solution left was to die. I was too cowardly to use a gun, so I thought alcohol poisoning was a good way. While I came in and out of consciousness in ICU, the things I had heard about Step One in AA started making sense. That was some time ago and thanks to the steps, I have found a Joy which I could never have known before.
Joe P.
Loc: Chicago
Date: 8/26/2002
Time: 10:47:24 AM
My name is Joe, and I can’t stay sober by myself. I’m sober today only by the grace of God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Is knowing why we drank important? Yes, but WHY is knowing why we drank important? Because we need to understand the nature of the problem. And the problem is the disease of alcoholism, described in the Big Book in “The Doctor’s Opinion”. We have an obsession of the mind, allergy of the body, and phenomena of craving. Some seem to believe that we need to understand why we drank so that we do not drink again. Beware pop-psychology, which tells us we need to understand why we drank in order to stop. How many of us went to well-intentioned counselors, therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists, who told us that we would have control over alcohol when we understood the underlying problem. Re “But the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly any exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge.” (BB p.39). Yes, on page 64 of the BB we are told, “Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.” But that is to prepare us for continuing the spiritual solution to our problem in Steps 5-12. I don’t believe that knowledge of “causes and conditions” keeps me sober, but through taking the steps, I am brought closer to God as I understand Him, which is what keeps us sober. Which brings me to one of the greatest joys of sobriety for me. Today, I truly have a relationship with a loving God as I understand Him.
Scott T. K.
Loc: Ft .Bragg
Date: 8/26/2002
Time: 11:35:46 AM
Hi My name is Scott and this is another try at staying sober.I have much more to lose now than just my pride.My new wife and family have to cope with me and the alcohol. But I think they can handle me,its the alcohol they can't.
jj
Loc:
Date: 8/26/2002
Time: 12:34:10 PM
jj, alcoholic. great topics. i've come to believe i drank because nothing -- then or since -- has ever made me feel so right with myself and the world. i continued because the drink needed another drink..."the man takes a drink, the drink takes a drink, the drink takes the man." joy for me is the by-product of doing some things that make me feel more right than wrong with myself. oftentimes, joy is the only clue i have that i'm in the protection and care of my higher power. thanks tremendously for restoring me to sanity this morning.
morning.
anonymous
Loc: Portland, OR
Date: 8/26/2002
Time: 2:28:00 PM
It is important, and the answer appears in the very beginning of the Big Book. "Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol." p.xxvi
chuck b.
Loc: new hampshire, usa
Date: 8/26/2002
Time: 4:05:34 PM
hi, my name is chuck and i'm an alcoholic. i was sober for 14 yrs and fell off in 1995. i've been back now for six days and six meetings and just found this site and i'm very glad i did. although i "know it all", when i can't get to a meeting at least i know this is here....... thanks
Jason E
Loc: Duluth, GA
Date: 8/26/2002
Time: 4:16:27 PM
Hello
DavidH
Loc: Nashville
Date: 8/26/2002
Time: 6:18:37 PM
I drank because I was a self will run riot alcoholic eaten up with self centered fear and resentments. Today Im still an alcoholic but Im so grateful I found this way of life. If I hadnt gotten to the jumping off point I would not have had the incentive to work and apply the steps that have given me 3 1/2 years without a drink. I still have a lot of work to do but Im sooo much better off than I was before and it just keeps getting better. Thank you God.
AA
Loc: FL
Date: 8/26/2002
Time: 7:42:29 PM
HI Jason E!!!!!!! KCB!!!!!!!!
I dont know
Loc: why
Date: 8/26/2002
Time: 7:53:56 PM
Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION page 20 You may already have asked yourself why it is that all of us became so very ill from drinking. Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION page 20 Why can't he? Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION page 22 Why does he behave like this? Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION page 22 If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION page 22 Why can't he stay on the water wagon? Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION page 22 Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION page 23 If you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION page 23 And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have. Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION page 23 But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION page 26 So he returned to this doctor, whom he admired, and asked him point-blank why he could not recover. Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION page 26 Why was this?
john fc
Loc: albany ny
Date: 8/26/2002
Time: 9:49:25 PM
My name is john, I'm an alcoholic and addict. In becoming more comfortable in sobriety, it is important to find out and accept, without judgment, what alcohol did for me, what was the payoff for the price I paid. For me it was self-medication in order to fit in and feel good about myself. The joy of sobriety is being able to stay in the day and take life one day at a time. The biggest joy is having a choice today of whether or not to pick up the first drink or drug. I am working on faith in a higher power. thanks.
Jack B
Loc: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 8/27/2002
Time: 2:30:12 AM
Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. I drank quite simple because I love the taste of beer. I wasn't born an alcoholic, God didn't turn me into an alcoholic, I took that fatal first drink and started a war. As far as the joy's of sobriety go, I have enjoyed continuous sobriety since Nov. 23rd of 1987 and there are far too many to begin to mention. Putting it into a short version, I have a better life sober than I ever had when I drank. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.
anonymous alcoholic (DOS 12/12/90)
Loc: 2689 Ridgecrest Drive
Date: 8/27/2002
Time: 4:47:01 AM
Drinking became my crutch. I needed a crutch because I was emotionally 'challenged' (I think the word 'cripple' is politically incorrect today). At my first AA meeting (12/12/90) people, just like you, told me I no longer needed my crutch. They would support me until I learned (thru the steps) to walk without my crutch. They were right. Each day I set a new all-time-personal-record for the number of days I have walked this earth without my crutch. And, that is the joy of sobriety. Thanks. ~~~ (I think knowing why we drank is unnecessary for getting sober, but critically important for STAYING sober.)
TedU
Loc: Wheaton, MD
Date: 8/27/2002
Time: 2:05:20 PM
After eight plus years I realize I drank because I'm an alcoholic. Before, I thought I drank to see if I could down a pitcher in less than 15 seconds, because I was happy, lonely, tired, sleepless, horny, denied, sad, thirsty, mad, scared. I drank even though I wanted to stop. I drank even when it didn't do anything for me. I found out I drank after I woke up. Whew, who knows?
Rhonda K.
Loc: Derry, N.H.
Date: 8/27/2002
Time: 6:01:17 PM
Hi I'm Rhonda and I'm an alcoholic. Great topics and postings. In my opinion when someone is newly sober they shouldn't worry about why they drank. As I grew in AA I began to know myself better and as many have said the 4th step points out the whys. I love being sober and I never want to feel that fear, doubt and insecurity that came with drinking. With the grace of my HP, God, I never have to sober up again. What a wonderful journey we are on!
Nikki M.
Loc: Poconos PA
Date: 8/27/2002
Time: 6:05:54 PM
Hi everyone. I am Nikki and I am an alcoholic....I was told that it is very important to find my character defects and to work on them. It is very important for us to look at the past, so that we are able to heal and not have to live through the same pains in the future. We need to be willing to change in order to have the joys that life has for us. I have had some horrendous things happen in my sobriety, but because of the help of my HP, the people in the rooms and being able to live life on life’s terms, I have been able to maintain my sobriety. I was taught that it is very important to live in the solution and not the problem. Working the steps in my life on a daily basis, helps me for the most part maintain serenity. Working the 4th step helps me find out the person that I was, so that I can be a better person today then yesterday. Thanks for letting me share!!!
PJ
Loc: Florida
Date: 8/27/2002
Time: 9:06:31 PM
PJ, alcoholic. Thanks to all who have shared on the two topics. Why did I drink? In the beginning I drank to feel good; then I drank not to feel bad. In the end, I drank not to feel at all. I drank because I have the dis-ease of alcoholism. When I accepted the fact that I am an alcoholic, that I have a disease, I knew what was "wrong" with me. I then found through AA that "there is a solution" to my disease. After the acceptance, Step One, I began to experience the joys of sobriety. By the grace of my HP and following the 12-Steps of AA, my life is a joy beyond my wildest dreams! I am so grateful to those who shared the AA solution with me. To those who are struggling with Step One, please don't give up! Sober blessings to all :)
Michael B.
Loc: AZ
Date: 8/27/2002
Time: 11:30:45 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! I find knowing why I drank, other than the fact that I am an alcoholic, more interesting than important. Many in the medical community find the reasons for people becoming alcoholics to be genetic, cultural, and circumstantial. In any case, knowing why I am an alcoholic is a completely separate issue from how to stay sober, which is much more important to me, and, I'm sure, most alcoholics. PS. I hope that those AAs who suggest the weekly topics would also share what experience, strength, and hope they might have about the topic, rather than simply shape the topic of discussion each week. There is no requirement that those who suggest a topic can't share on that same topic.
Ron L
Loc: Winnipeg. Man. Can.
Date: 8/28/2002
Time: 5:07:33 AM
After giving the topic much long and deep thought, The reason why I drank was because my mother put me on the potty side ways one time and I will never be cured of its effects but I may recover one day at a time. I also drank because alcohol was the answer, even though I never new what the question was. Having found the answers to way I drank..... Has not changed a thing I still have to stay sober one day at a time
Mike W.
Loc: Hillsdale M i. USA
Date: 8/28/2002
Time: 7:01:16 AM
I sometimes ponder why a bird flaps his wings, or a Lion roars, And just why does that proverbial bear not go find a porta-jon somewhere instead of just squatting in the woods somewhere. I did what I did because I was what I was. For me, I can't generalize, But for this alcoholic,I made a choice way back when, or a bunch of little choices, day after day after day, that led me into a reprobate debaced lifestyle. The ABC's of change for me was... Admitting... Believing.... Committing... To a Higher Power than my self Who I've come to KNOW as the same Delivering God taught about in the Bible.!!!! Yes He had an awesome Life in store for ME as He does YOU!!!! I was in need of exactly what you people had!!! I did not have the Power in and of my self to change. But you folks showed me how I could obtain and maintain that Power. The Savior with the help of you people have renewed my thinking, which changed my believing, which changed my behavior and now I experience freedom from the tyranny of alcohol by the practicing of THE 12 steps. I have undergone a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery. I AM RECOVERED from alcoholism provided I never reject this great gift of the NEW LIFE that has been given to me. Thanks for letting me share. Mike W.
PappyPaw B.
Loc: Coldwater Michigan
Date: 8/28/2002
Time: 10:18:58 AM
Good morning, I am PappyPaw B. ,I am a grateful alcoholic. A wonderful thing happened right off this morning...I awoke sober...because of this miracle I have a choice of how I will spend today and I choose to not drink this day and strive for a day of sobriety. Chuck B. of N.H ...You just may want to reread step 1. I could not find a way to live without drinking until I got Step 1 correct. Here is a couple of pearls of wisdom I hope shore up your spirituality and strengthen your faith. "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." --Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931) "Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it." --Mark Twain Live the 12 Steps and they will work for you and become the spiritual tools you need to build a new and wonderful life. God Bless everyone and thank you all for the spiritual gifts you have gave me. PappyPaw B. ><>
Doc
Loc: USA
Date: 8/28/2002
Time: 10:24:19 AM
Mike B Az read the Traditions...We are not all the same sick not the same well..
trish
Loc: ind
Date: 8/28/2002
Time: 12:56:12 PM
for me there is no particular reason why i first started drinking other than thats what i wanted to do and i had fun so i continued to go out with friends and had alot of fun weekends. then came the problems first with the law for driving then several years later it happened again and then all the consequences you have to pay or making the same mistake twice make you realize this can never happen again thers to much to lose and 3 strikes your out they will take everything that means anything and you will pay dearly for another mistake and that’s what keeps me from making the same mistake again.we all have different reasons for starting to drink and also different reasons why we stopped its interesting to hear all the different ways a drink buts to each of our perspectives.
Tom G.
Loc: UK
Date: 8/28/2002
Time: 2:10:13 PM
No. K.I.S.S.
Terry T
Loc: California
Date: 8/28/2002
Time: 4:53:47 PM
My name is terry and I am an alcholic.I drank because I liked what drinking did for me. After 25 years I stopped because of what it did to me.Remembering what it did to me makes me not want to go back.The joys after 18 months of sobriety are many-Im not alone anymore I am apart of a wonderful fellowship-I fit in-I feel like after walking alone for 25 years I have found my way home.
Terry T
Loc: California
Date: 8/28/2002
Time: 4:53:58 PM
My name is terry and I am an alcholic.I drank because I liked what drinking did for me. After 25 years I stoped because of what it did to me.Remembering what it did to me makes me not want to go back.The joys after 18 months of sobrity are many-Im not alone anymore I am apart of a wonderful felowship-I fit in-I feel like after walking alone for 25 years I have found my way home.
Art M
Loc: PA
Date: 8/28/2002
Time: 5:10:21 PM
I spent 10 years trying to figure out why I drank - while going to meetings! But when you're drinking, you never seem to find the answer. After I put down the drink and decided to give the fellowship a chance for only "one day at a time", I began to see that I was automatically programmed to drink when things were good or when things were bad. Didn't matter - I needed a drink to function. Most other people in my life could drink safely and "not drinking" was NOT an issue with them. NOT drinking WAS an issue with me! 10 years wasted? No. My recovery was a miracle. Way beyond my ability to comprehend. It just took me longer to get the message that every AA member shares. Just a little longer to realize that my Higher Power really wanted me to live well if I could only see the good in every "bad" action He put in my way. (Like 3 Driving While Intoxicated" convictions). If it wasn't for that first arrest, I wouldn't be sober today. I wouldn't have been forced to hang out with other recovering people. Earlier pain was the touchstone to my recovery and eventual entry into the society of mankind. Give love and do service says Dr. Wayne Dyer. Good things will chase after you. You will no longer have to chase after them. Art M, a very grateful Alcoholic in Pennsylvania.
AnilG
Loc: Mt Vernon.IL
Date: 8/28/2002
Time: 6:07:08 PM
I am alcoholic why did I drank I think I can say safely a combination of things life I could not deal with I wanted to run away from my responsibilities . I could not continue to fight and argue with my spouse drinking was my solution I should not be blaming everybody but myself for my deeds cause i was powerless and coward. thanks to aa and alanon
paul j
Loc: north central arkansas
Date: 8/28/2002
Time: 8:22:28 PM
paul, alcoholic...it seems that the only reason i drank is because i am an alcoholic and i like what alcohol did for me...the same for my drug use...got more bang for my buck there and it finally brought me to aa...i asked "WHY" for the first month or so and then realized i didn't need to know "WHY" all i needed to know was "I JUST DID IT"...made things a lot simpler...my sponsor told me if i could think of a good enough reason to get drunk, he would buy...being the wise ass that i am i replied, "Because i am an alcoholic and that is the only reason i need to drink." for me anything else is bs...thanks to all of you for posting...anyone want to trade emails please do....pjarus@yahoo.com
woody w
Loc: fair fax va
Date: 8/28/2002
Time: 9:38:51 PM
hi iam woody,and iam a alcoholic i hated my child hood i always say by the time i took my first drink i needed a drink but i know today no one made me take that frist drink and i know Iam responsible for my own recovery i drinked when i feeled good and i drinked when i feeled bad i was coming off one or going one what dose a good active alcoholic do well we he drinks but for the grace of GOD you people at AA iam sober today.
LD
Loc: California
Date: 8/28/2002
Time: 11:53:40 PM
My name's LD and I'm an alcoholic. I like the topic because it poses a question that makes you think. For me, I had to find out why I drank. I mean how do you get your foot out of quicksand unless you know it's quicksand that you're stuck in, not mud. Right? After all, the Big Book says to get down to the causes and conditions. Now I couldn't BS myself anymore and whine, oh geez, I drink because I'm unhappy, my husband left me, I was abused, if you had my life you would too. Nor could I say I drank because I got a promotion, a new car, a hot date, etc. FINALLY I had to come to terms with the fact that I drank because I'm an alcoholic and that's what alcoholics do, just like ducks quack and pigs sit in mud. Because I like the effect and have this allergic disease. My ability to BS myself (or you) was gone. I'm one of those alcoholics that had to try sobriety again and again before I found recovery. I found out that it's true that the difference between an alcoholic and a non-alcoholic is that when a non-alcoholic drinks too much and their lives suffer, they stop drinking and things get better. When an alcoholic like me drinks too much and my life suffers, I stop drinking (this example is without any recovery) and my life gets worse. The pain builds and builds and eventually I MUST drink again. Then my life gets worse and the pain comes and I try to stop drinking again. And on and on. Well thanks to my Higher Power, and the rooms of AA I've been able to get off that ride, get sober, stay sober, and find recovery from my pain for quite some time now. But how could I have done a 1st, 2nd, 4th, 6th, ad 7th step without being armed with the facts about myself.
Kami C.
Loc: California
Date: 8/29/2002
Time: 8:12:15 AM
Hi,I'm Kami and I AM an alcoholic. I first entered AA in January of 1981. If you do the math and add the fact that I have about 14 months of sobriety you can figure out that I struggled a little. I remember that I spent literally years asking why. One of the problems that I encountered is that I could always justify anything. None of the answers that I got from anyone worked for me. Why? Part of my disease includes the fact that I seem to think that I'm unique. (That attitude improves with time and effort in this program. Many people told me that If I focused on the steps and working the best program that I can that eventually I'll have the answer. Sometimes I just get tired of all of the questions my head produces and say "why not". Sometimes some things that I want to know only keep me from looking at myself and the things I'd rather avoid. Thanks for letting me share.
Dave S
Loc: Alberta
Date: 8/29/2002
Time: 9:46:16 AM
Dave, alcoholic. some say it doesn't matter why we drank, some say we have to figure it out, and I figure there is some truth to both opinions. We don't want, as some have pointed out, to agonize over the question to the point where we get sidetracked from focusing on, and enjoying, our sobriety (or worse, manage to convince ourselves that because we have discovered the reason we drank, we can solve our alcoholism by solving that problem and presto! be able to drink again). On the other hand, we can sometimes learn some very important things about ourselves, and progress in our recovery, by thinking about why we drank in the first place. I'm talking about why we drank before we couldn't help it any more, when we maybe drank because of anxiety, fear (I guess that's the deepest root of the rest of our problems), whatever. Why is that helpful to think about? Because we can learn some things about ourselves that we maybe didn't know, and maybe recognize danger signals and danger situations, thereby strengthening our sobriety. But of course we don't want to get anal (too anal-lytic) about it, and lose the possible benefits in the process. Easy does it. Moderation is the key (moderation is our middle name, right? lol). Another 24 to you all.
Charlie Darling
Loc: Ft Myers via K.W. FL
Date: 8/29/2002
Time: 10:40:08 AM
Hi Family Charlie Darling a very grateful recovering alcoholic, I was going to share when I re read some of the shares and Adam H from Chicago told my story, and today yes life is joyous, and I am so grateful to AA for teaching me to grow, and to be happy with the person I am becoming just ONE DAY AT A TIME. I love you all Charlie Darling kwduke_1999@yahoo.com
Isis P
Loc: Atlanta
Date: 8/29/2002
Time: 12:04:10 PM
I am finally back into the loving arms of the AA fellowship after 12 years of being away. Anyway the reason why I drank was it was the only way I felt I could be with other people and feel normal. For me there was always a great fear someone would find out who I really was deep down inside--damaged--and I wouldn’t know how to deal with that! I only drank during social occasions never alone or in the morning. So that was why my denial was so great!!!
Scott R
Loc: NS
Date: 8/29/2002
Time: 3:14:30 PM
Hi I'm Scott and I'm Alcoholic. It is funny to think that the reason why I drank was just the reason why I had no joy in my life. I am alcoholic. I was spiritually bankrupt. I could not experience a full range of emotions. I was dead inside. Through a daily reprieve from this spiritual disease I am able to experience joy when I do all that I need to do his will for me. Thanks.
Kim D.
Loc: Bridgewater
Date: 8/29/2002
Time: 4:00:42 PM
Hi Everyone. Kim here, alcoholic. The question of "Why do I drink?" helped keep me bouncing in and out of AA for many years. I just couldn't accept the fact that I WAS an alcoholic and get onto the "solution." I was STUCK on the "WHY?" part, even before doing Step 1. What I have found is that ACCEPTING that I am an alcoholic is far more important than the WHY. However, now that I am in the Program of AA, I see the value of taking a thorough Step 4, to get down to the causes and conditions of my alcoholism so that I do not repeat the same behavior-trigger the same feelings-that kept me drinking for 18 years of my life. You see, for me the bottle was not the problem after I sobered up back in August, 1999. From the day I physically detoxed from alcohol, my problem - my ISM - was and still is my THINKING. If I hope to remain sober, then I have to sort out my thinking and from what I am told, a thorough Step 4 will help me see the pattern. That's my next step in my recovery journey - finding a BB Step Study sponsor to work the Steps. Fundamentally, my joy in sobriety stems from the fact that I don't have to be on the alcoholic merry-go-round any longer. The program of AA has allowed me to step off and become free from the bondage of alcohol.
Prudence
Loc: MN
Date: 8/30/2002
Time: 11:26:38 AM
I drank because I am an alcoholic. Cop out you say? Well, this is a VERY IMPORTANT fact for me. I had a sponsor who worked a good program and one day for no apparent reason at all, she reached across a table and took a glass of wine that was sitting there (someone had poured it and left the room for a minute) and drank it all down. She came back to the meeting and said it was that simple. She didn't think about it =- she just DID it. She didn't even realize what she had done until AFTER she did it. That was the last meeting I ever saw her at and I believe she may still be out there drinking. As long as I keep in fit spiritual condition (and far away from alcohol) I can continue to add to the 12 years of freedom and the joy of living that are mine today.
Provocative Thought
Loc:
Date: 8/30/2002
Time: 5:09:14 PM
If I could uncover the reason for my drinking alcoholically, then all I would have to do is remove that reason and I could then stop drinking alcoholically. Right ?? I think not. I have to remember that I am dealing with alcohol, cunning, baffling, and powerful (and patient). My next drink is still out there waiting on me.
Jeff
Loc: N. CA
Date: 8/30/2002
Time: 11:58:47 PM
My name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. I drank because I liked the effect - the book says it and it has been said above too. The real question for me was why did I drink after bad things started to happen. I made lists of the bad things that happened to me drunk. Anyone who looked at the list would probably ask me why would you keep drinking? I did. And the stuff that happens to drunks kept happening to me. I was not able to stop for any length of time without AA and God. It has been a while since I took a drink and I have experienced joy in sobriety. For me joy is a word that I don't hear too much except in AA. dictionary- Joy -the emotion evoked by well being, success or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires. ....Yes it fits. For me the only chance I have is to not drink and try to do what I am learning from the people and book of AA. I would not trade it. Thanks for being here.
Buddy
Loc: DET. MICH.
Date: 8/31/2002
Time: 10:44:03 AM
Knowing why I drank. Doesn't seem to be as important to me.As why i stay sober. I understand today why.I feel that I can answer that question as well.Today i can decide my life without being misguided. No mind altering chemicals are able to convince me that I am doing right.Avoiding all things that were a part of my life before.Is much easier today then in the past.As long as I remember where I was at prior to now.I don't believe I have to ask myself "WHY" anymore.Just "WHAT" is going to be done about it TODAY. Thanx
Pat S
Loc: Ohio
Date: 8/31/2002
Time: 11:33:46 AM
Great topics-why I drank, the joy of sobriety. Why I drank? An old-timer said, "If I'm riding the back of a tiger it doesn't matter HOW I got there, I better get off before it kills me." The joys of sobriety--endless. But right now, I'm sharing w/AAs, listening to my husband and beautiful step-daughter laughing and sharing (she's 'confessing' teen stuff that he already knew!), going to my women's group soon, and later today two of my sons will be here for dinner. AAs come in and out of our sober home at their leisure, folks ask if we 'can talk', all utilities and other bills have been paid, I know where I was and what I did last night, I didn't pee the bed, am blessed in a caring union with the wittiest person alive, I look to the day and it is good. Ahh, does life get any better. Love to each of you. Pat
RalphG
Loc: Malaysia
Date: 8/31/2002
Time: 3:27:40 PM
I'm Omar, and I'm an alcoholic. Always was, always will be. I drank for every reason except that it tasted good. Loneliness and low esteem seems like most of it, along with the fact that I was a lot smarter when I drank, or so it seemed to me. I wasn't an alcoholic at first, just an occasional drunk, with social periods in between. I became an 'honorary' alcoholic because I couldn't admit I was tainted with the problem. At meetings I 'just said' I was an alcoholic. It worked, and 25 years later I am still sober, thanks to the program of AA.
John S.
Loc: Indiana
Date: 8/31/2002
Time: 5:29:45 PM
Hi everyone, I am John and I am an alcoholic.I believe that realizing why i drank was very important to me.Today i realize that the masking of my feelings and emotions really hampered my maturing into an adult.I am learning today how to cope with these feelings and emotions without anything masking them.I believe this is what sobriety is all about that is learning to cope with these things sober..Peace
Mary H.
Loc: Charlotte
Date: 8/31/2002
Time: 5:50:38 PM
Mary H., alcoholic. I drank as an escape. I drank to feel good, numb out, party. It worked beautifully until the day I WOKE UP, having not had a steady job for over two years, nearly broke, abandoned by a BAAD relationship, in a town where I knew no one, with a mortgage I wasn't sure how I was going to pay. No more fun with ouchyhol. Today I choose to be accountable for my actions, and to not numb out, but to lovingly live in reality. It is not a bed of roses, but it is not the thorn bed I was in either. Thank God for this fellowship, and for a few simple guidelines.
Russ P
Loc: North Carolina
Date: 8/31/2002
Time: 11:34:21 PM
The question is not why I drank but why am I sober!!!! Answer: Higher Power whom I chose to call GOD. My sobriety rest on a daily reprieve contingent upon my spiritual condition! RPekari@aol.com
Bob S.
Loc: Salt Lake City
Date: 8/31/2002
Time: 11:48:51 PM
For me the why is the way I avoided the who and what of my disease. Still use it from time to time and it always leads to the avoidance. As Kim said, the answers lie in the 4th through 9th, which is why I go there at least annually to look at me while actively alcoholic, and the ongoing effects. And that always drives me into the 12th. There are too many people I will never be able to amend to for what I did and focusing on "why" and "me" is just too self-serving for this ego-maniac alcoholic to survive. AA has given me a new way of living where I have been able to join the human race and I feel more comfortable and useful. "Why" I have been given that gift and the grace coming with it is baffling but appreciated. G~d's grace and love....... Bob
My Favorite Web Sites
Angelfire - Free Home Pages
step 2
step 3
