Jack up your car by installing tires that are big enough to
drive over a three story building. |
When you are well aware that your car might break down, drive
on bridges and narrow highways during peak rush hour traffic. |
If your car breaks down while driving, stay in the middle of
the road. Do not attempt to move to the shoulder. |
When disabled in the road, leave your car door wide open. |
If it is necessary to change your tire on a road shoulder, lie
the flat tire in the middle of the road and make traffic drive around it. |
If your muffler system breaks, keep it broken as long as possible.
Drive through residential neighborhoods at night as much as you can and
rev the engine. |
Drag your exhaust system on the ground when possible. |
If your car leaks oil, and you visit friends or relatives, park
in their driveway. |
Never replace worn tires and drive fast on wet roads and slippery
roads. |
If you notice smoke coming from your exhaust pipes, allow your
car to roll back at the next red light to make sure that you get some of
it into the car behind you. |
Tint your windows pitch black so that nobody can see you, where
your looking, or what's happening in front of you. |
Only have your oil checked and windows washed when you pull
into a busy and under-staffed gas station. |
Never replace burned out brake, signal, and head lights. |
When replacing a burned out low-beam headlamp, use a high-beam
bulb. Try to aim the lights higher than legal limit. |
Windows which no longer roll down are not to be fixed. This
way you can delay other drivers by having to unfasten your seat belt and
open the entire car door to pay a highway toll. |
If your car's safety fails the annual state inspection, bring
it to a private inspection station and pay the mechanic $20 to pass you. |
If any safety parts on your car need replacing (such as burned
out headlights or worn tires) wait months until its inspection time to
get them repaired. |
If the plastic tail light cover breaks, fix it with red tape.
If the plastic turn signal cover breaks, fix it with yellow tape. |
If the bumper or exhaust system starts to fall off, use twine
to loosely tie it back up. |
If the radio antenna breaks, unbend a wire hanger and shove
it into the antenna opening. |
Adjust your window washers so that they squirt over the windshield,
above the car, and onto the vehicle behind you. |
An old rag is the perfect substitute for a missing gas cap. |
When disabled in the road, leave your car door wide open, then
step into oncoming traffic as you walk around the door to re-enter your
car. |
Install bright neon lights around your license plates so that
no one can read them. |
When you bring your car in for servicing and the mechanic asks
what kind of car you have, tell him you have a blue one. |